


In Life You Always Meet Twice

by standoutinacrowd



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brooding, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 260,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standoutinacrowd/pseuds/standoutinacrowd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura, who is still heartbroken over her last relationship, throws a party.<br/>In that night her life is turned upside down, as she meets a mysterious woman, who she thought she'd never see again, but then life happens... She spots her again at Silas, but is intrigued, when she finds out she is not a fellow student...</p><p>No supernatural in this fic.<br/>This series and all of it's characters doesn't belong to me.<br/>I'm merely borrowing them to play with them in my imagination. (Ew, no sexual pun.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet The Mystery Woman

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments, whether it be critics or not, are more than welcome and keep me motivated for more.  
> English is not my first language, so don't judge too much, this is mostly a means for me to get into writing again.
> 
> Come say hi and creep on my tumblr: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)

Silas University, in picturesque Styria.  
  
Laura Hollis was a keen journalism student in her second year, who was just returning to her dormitory after being home in London with her dad for two full months. As she entered her room and let her bags fall down to her bed and floor, the first thing she noticed was a big envelope on her roommate’s bed. It had orange letters on it: PRINCETON UNIVERSITY.  
  
The student immediately knew what was going on, but she was pulled out of her thoughts. A tall blonde, with the name Betty, came in and squealed in delight, as she saw the tiny girl in front of her.  
  
„Guess what?!“, she exclaimed after hugging Laura hard.  
  
„Uh, hey it’s nice to see _you_ too, and erm I am guessing you are going to Princeton huh?“  
  
„What? How’d you know?“, the tall girl wanted to know, pulling back.  
  
„Your letter is the first thing I noticed when I came back.“, the journalism student chuckled, „I am so happy for you.“  
  
…  
  
„Laura, you really didn’t have to throw me a going away party…“, Betty remarked, while pouring herself a plastic cup full of wine (very pretentious). It would be the last two days in Silas for the blonde, before she would fly out to the States.  
  
„You are right, **I** didn’t, but I wanted to… Besides, it is the last time I can fully enjoy myself before going back to those sleepless nights before exam-time.“, the shorter one of the girls admitted.  
  
Both were sitting on chairs in the party room of their dorm (a very exquisite venue, where students were allowed to throw little functions). The room had 3 couches set up at the left wall, 2 tables (one in the middle of the U the sofas shaped, and a bigger one right beside the entrance) and some plastic chairs at the opposite wall. In the middle was a big Persian carpet which was a little stained from all the partying it had to endure. The room wasn’t the biggest, but it came in very handy for get-togethers like these.  
  
There wouldn’t be that many people, Laura thought, forgetting that the word at Silas spread fast. As the evening progressed, they ended up with more than 60 people, among them where some frat boys from the ZETA house, who even brought in their own kegs. Perry and LaFontaine, who were the journalism student’s best friends were the one’s to bring the wine.  
  
„Did _you_ invite all of these people?“, Laura asked LaFontaine, as they were opening the wine bottle, setting plastic cups on the table. The room was still relatively empty, but the blonde just didn’t expect anyone else to show.  
  
„No, I ran into Danny and told her, maybe she told Kirsch, that would explain the ZET-“  
  
„Wait! You invited Danny?“, the tiny girl wanted to know, a little anxiety showed on her face.  
  
„Oh god, Laura, I totally forgot!“, the redhead apologized.  
  
„Forgot what?“, someone from behind them asked. The short girl closed her eyes as she heard that familiar voice, the voice of her ex-girlfriend. She turned around, with a fake smile plastered on her face and greeted her.  
  
„Laura… Can I talk to you for a minute?“, the tall redhead wanted to know, before LaFontaine excused themselves and went to look for Perry.  
  
„We don’t have to do this.“, the journalism student sighed.  
  
„We do! Laura, I am so sorry what happened last year, I was so confused and-“, Danny was cut off.  
  
„Save it. I don’t wanna hear about you excusing yourself for cheating on me.“, the blonde hissed, „And by the way this is **my** party and I didn’t invite you or your new boyfriend over there.“, she pointed to one of the frat boys, who was now playing flip cup with one of his friends.  
  
„Betty is my friend too, I have a right to be here.“, Danny replied quietly, hoping that they would be continuing the conversation, if she found a reason to stay, „And just so you know… Kirsch and I aren’t together. We didn’t even come here together…We actually never were together…“  
  
„Fine, suit yourself. Don’t leave. _I am leaving_!“, with those words the blonde stormed off, but before exiting the room she made sure to take an entire bottle of red wine with her.  
  
Laura felt guilty for leaving the party that she had organized, but she couldn’t bare to be in a room with her ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. Or was it just a one-night-stand? Danny told her that they weren’t together, didn’t she? When she processed that thought, the anger and hurt inside her began to creep up again, more intently than before, because that had meant that Danny threw their whole relationship away for a one-night-stand with someone else. It was Kirsch, _**a guy**_.  
  
Another jolt of anger rushed through her spine. Oh, she needed that wine very much now.  
  
The blonde sat down on a bench, just outside the dorm, it was not the perfect weather to be outside, certainly not too warm. Laura worried that she might be cold, if she didn’t begin to keep her alcohol level high, it was already October after all. She fidgeted with the cork, she somehow hoped she could open the bottle without having to run back and getting a corkscrew.  
  
„Need any help with that?“, a husky voice behind her crept up.  
  
Laura turned around to see, who it was coming from. It was a girl with dark brown hair and dark eyes, actually everything on her was dark: dark leather jacket, which was zipped up, dark leather pants and dark biker boots. Women with dark eyes were always a mystery, wasn’t that a saying? The blonde stared at her for a second, before remembering that she indeed needed a little help.  
  
„Uh, yeah. If you have a corkscrew by your hand, your help would be much appreciated.“, the journalism student knew that she most likely wasn’t going to have one, but the other girl smiled and put on a smug face. Laura tried to put that face to a place, but she never had seen that girl around campus before. She certainly knew how to make a first impression, she thought to herself.  
  
„Well, _cutie_ in that case, I think I am your knight in shining armor tonight!“, the mysterious girl said, coming closer to Laura and pulling out a Swiss Army knife out of the right pocket of her heavy leather jacket, „May I?“, the girl asked, before the blonde handed her the wine bottle. She sat down beside her and began unscrewing the cork. The journalism student studied the other one, that girl certainly knew what she was doing.  
  
„I don’t like being called cutie, just so you know.“, Laura started conversation again. The other girl looked up a little, cocking an eyebrow at her, while simultaneously smiling a smile that the blonde could only return, but not without frowning. The mystery lady still remained silent, until she was successful with the bottle.  
  
„Here you go.“, she handed it over, „I can’t call you anything else, if you don’t tell me your name.“, she finally responded to what her counterpart had said before.  
  
„I am Laura, uh Laura Hollis.“, she held out a hand, which the other girl didn’t take, she instead put out a pack of cigarettes and started to light one up, „Care to tell me yours?“, the blonde drew her hand back. God, she hated smokers.  
  
„Carmilla.“, the brunette pointed at herself, whilst giving off smoke. She leaned back and stared at Laura, who was now gazing at her wine bottle.  
  
„Why are you sitting on a bench outside with a bottle of wine? Waiting for better times, is it?“, the dark haired girl was setting the cigarette to her lips, filling her lungs with poison again, her counterpart now looked at her. Laura found it somewhat sexy, the way the girl seemed so nonchalant about everything, even a cigarette looked sexy on her, though she hated it with all of her guts. Her mother had died of lung cancer, when she was 12. She since then despised those sticks of death.  
  
„No, just hiding.“, Laura finally took a sip of the red good, that she was holding. It tasted good, but to be honest she would drink everything right now.  
  
„Hiding.“, the other girl repeated. Carmilla’s husky voice made the blonde blush, she was drawn to that game the other one was playing, and normally she would never fall for the brooding-lover type, but that girl just knew how to do it, „Hiding from what, sweetheart?“, Laura took a big sip now, leaving her counterpart in slight amusement, who inhaled yet another cloud of smoke.  
  
„My ex, showed at that party that **I** organized.“, the student responded bitterly, pointing to the dorm, whilst taking another sip.  
  
„Ahh… Want a smoke?“, the dark-haired girl offered, after she looked to the direction in which Laura pointed.  
  
„No, I don’t smoke.“, the student replied, „What are _you_ doing here?“, she suddenly wanted to know.  
  
„Oh, just walking around, getting some fresh air, nothing much actually.“  
  
„You call _that_ fresh air?“, Laura asked and looked at the cigarette with disgust, her counterpart didn’t reply, but provocatively took another puff.  
  
„Tell me, what’s up with that ex. What did he do to you, that you now have to hide?“, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
„ _He?_ “, blonde studied the brunette’s face, before taking another sip of the wine, she thought about whether she could tell her counterpart that she was gay or not. She decided on doing so, because first of all: she was drunk and secondly: she didn’t even know if she would see that girl ever again, „He is actually a _she._ “, she waited for the response to that. The dark haired girl didn’t flinch even a little, she threw away her cigarette, stepped on it and then faced Laura again.  
  
„Then what did _she_ do to you?“  
  
„Cheated on me.“, the blonde took another sip, „ _With a guy_.“, and another one.  
  
„Nice.“, the mysterious woman whispered, before stuffing her hands into her jacket-pockets, because her fingers were getting numb in the cold. That was the moment she realized, that Laura wasn’t really wearing warm clothes. She was wearing a tank top with jeans and a really light sweater, „Hey, aren’t you cold?“, Carmilla said now with concern in her voice. Laura liked that this woman had so many different faces to her. She wasn’t easy to figure out, that made her very attractive.   
  
„Yeah, it’s getting a little chilly out here…“ the blonde started.  
  
„You should go back inside, who knows, maybe your ex is gone by now?“, the brunette smiled, not her smug smile this time. Laura got up, a little groggily. The wine did its job good, she thought. She felt light headed. She turned around, where the dark haired girl was still sitting and had an idea.  
  
„Why don’t you come with me?“  
  
…  
  
„Is that Kirsch and Will?“, Perry wanted to know, when she approached LaFontaine.  
  
„Uh, yeah…“, the ginger knew, what was coming.  
  
„Are you out of your mind? How could you do this to Laura?“  
  
„Hey, I didn’t invite them! Someone from the Zetas must have invited them... Or...“, LaF replied, but then got quieter, „…Danny. I accidentially invited her.“  
  
„Oh god, did Laura…?“  
  
„Yeah, I did leave them to talk in private half an hour ago, but haven’t seen Lois Lane in a long time… I saw Danny sipping on beer on the couch though. Come on, I’ll get you another drink and then we’ll look for Laura.“  
  
LaFontaine poured some wine into a plastic cup and passed it to their best friend, even if they didn’t know if they could call her that anymore. There had been an incident in summer, when they had met to see each other (they have been living in the same town for nearly 15 years and then together went to this university).  
  
„We don’t need to find her anymore, LaF, look…“, the other ginger pointed to the door, where Laura came in, wine bottle in her hand and a very attractive woman by her side. They seemed to know each other.  
  
…  
  
„So what is this party?“, Carmilla laughed at the two douchebags who where close to the door, having a drinking contest. Both had sweatshirts on, which said ‚ZETA-bros for LIFE‘.  
  
„My friend Betty is transferring to Princeton, so I threw her a little going away party and **this** happened.“, Laura was throwing her hands in the air, to gesture what she meant.  
  
„Oh, well every party is a good party, if it involves booze.“, the brunette smirked and took away the blonde’s wine bottle, to take a sip of it. The journalism student giggled a little, before she did the same action, with the same outcome: the bottle was back in her hand now again. She suddenly had a look on her face, her counterpart couldn’t decipher, but before Carmilla could ask her what was wrong, she chugged away the rest of the wine.  
  
When Laura finished, she felt a tingling feeling in her belly. She took in the last essence of wine before the taste was gone, rubbing her tongue in the insides of her cheeks. After that she licked over her lips, which she didn’t notice. However Carmilla did, and she was staring at her lips now, with one eyebrow raised and making that smug face.  
  
„What? Do I have something on my face?“, Laura brought the dark-haired girl out of her thoughts.  
  
„No, your lips are red from wine, that’s all.“, the other girl replied. She unzipped her jacket, underneath a white t-shirt began to show.  
  
„Uh Laura, there you are! We were starting to worry about you… Uh, who’s your friend?“, Perry and LaFontaine were suddenly standing beside them.  
  
„That’s Carmilla.“, the journalism student answered, while making deep eye contact with the dark haired woman. The mystery girl almost couldn’t pull apart from the look Laura was giving her, but made herself, shifting her eyes to the two other people who were standing there with them and smiling lightly, to greet them.  
  
„We are going to get ourselves more drinks…“, Laura excused herself from them and dragged the brunette with her. She tugged on her arm and almost pushed her to the table, where the drinks were lined up. There were definitely more people at that party now, because the ‚bar‘ which consisted of mainly water, some orange juice, 3 wine bottles and some beer was now accompanied by ‚harder stuff‘.  
  
„Don’t like socializing?“, Carmilla asked the blonde.  
  
„Oh _that_?“, the student was just pouring liquors together, „No, I normally do, but they’ve been acting like I might break since my break up with Danny and after they came back from vacation last week, they have been acting super weird… There is something in the air that I just can’t place and something tells me I shouldn’t meddle with it yet.“, Laura passed a plastic cup to her counterpart, who was critically looking at the brownish substance that was just given to her.  
  
„Should I be drinking this?“, the dark haired girl was not so sure of the bartender-qualities of the student.  
  
„Yes, you should absolutely trust me.“, Laura said, taking a sip. She squirmed.  
  
„That bad, huh?“, Carmilla laughed, „So, where’s that friend who you threw the party for?“, the girl asked whilst throwing away the drinks, this time she made one, almost everyone liked: vodka with orange juice. She actually didn’t care for that friend of Laura’s, but given the fact that the room was pretty much filled with frat boys, and only few girls could be spotted, she took the chance on finding out who the douche of an ex was that had left that delicate little creature (if she still was here). If she knew, who Betty was, then there was yet another girl crossed off the list.  
  
„I have been looking for Betty too, since we got here, but she is probably at some corner, smooching off with some guy… Like always.“, Laura said it, as if it was the most normal thing.  
  
„Then why did you throw her a party, if it always ends like this?“, Carmilla laughed, giving her counterpart her newly-made drink, who appreciated it. She was apparently a vodka-lover just like her.  
  
„It wasn’t just for her, to be honest… I wanted to get drunk and have some fun before university starts, I guess.“, the blonde admitted, before sipping on the vodka-o.  
  
„You can drink a lot huh?“, the brunette chuckled, as she watched the other girl drinking a little too much in one go.  
  
„I am tiny, but I can hold in much… Except for now… Uh I gotta pee! Hold this, I will be right back!“, and off she was, leaving behind an amused Carmilla, who was approached by LaFontaine once again.  
  
„Sooo, where do you know Laura from?“, they started a conversation whilst pouring themselves a drink.  
  
„Oh, we just met.“, the redhead had an alarming expression on their face.  
  
„Listen… This might be a little weird now... But you should be careful around her… She’s been through a tough time and… You know just uh…“, they began, when the brunette stopped them.  
  
„Listen, ginger, don’t worry about me okay? I just came here for the booze, no worries.“, with that she lifted up her cup, took Laura’s and made her way to a less crowded space, where three empty chairs were waiting for her. She let herself fall down to one.  
  
…  
  
Laura’s trip to the ladies’ restroom was a little adventurous, as the alcohol slowly settled down and her vision became more and more cloudy. She could take in a lot, but she sometimes tended to exaggerate a little, she now knew that she had to refrain from drinking for at least the next half an hour, so that she wouldn’t black out the night.  
  
She never had thought that she’d return to the party, when she made out the room the first time, but the company of the broody mystery-girl made her a little confident, plus she hadn’t spotted Danny so far, when she came back, so that made her feel good too. Maybe she was gone by now.  
  
Carmilla came to her mind. She was very cryptic to her, normally she didn’t like secretive people, but the dark eyes were very drawing. Laura could picture herself drowning in them, whilst looking for answers to her questions. There was a vast land in Carmilla that was not occupied by anyone, which made the brunette seem so unapproachable. All those things that she never found endearing in anyone else, she liked about this girl, hell she even thought she looked hot with a cigarette.  
  
Back at the party Perry and LaF where sitting quietly on a sofa, when Danny would sit on one beside them. Both eyed her, before letting out an awkward ‚Hey‘. The tall redhead was a little tipsy, that everyone could tell.  
  
„So how’s your summer been?“, Danny asked, actually not caring at all. She came here with a purpose.  
  
„Uh.“, both Perry and LaFontaine looked at each other, slightly blushed.  
  
„Uneventful.“, one could utter.  
  
„Haven’t heard from you guys at all.“, Danny said with a clear undertone, which was perceived by both.  
  
„We just have been busy… And the thing with Laura… That was not cool.“, LaF pointed out, „You are our friend too, but…“  
  
„I know it was a mess, but I just miss my friends…“, Danny was clearly a little sad about it.  
  
„Yeah, and we don’t want to choose between you two, really, that’s messed up. Let’s just begin the new year, and see if we all can be friends again yeah? That also includes Laura… Maybe everything will work in our favor and we all can go back to just being friends again.“, the redhead next to Perry said, who was nodding approvingly.  
  
„Hmn I guess.“, the tall amazon replied, when something in the other corner of the room caught her eye, „Who’s that chick holding Laura’s hand?“, the ginger twins turned their head.  
  
„Oh that? That’s Carmilla.“  
  
…  
  
When Laura returned to the party room, tipsier than she was before she left (how was that even possible?), she didn’t have a hard time finding the brunette, who was sitting all by herself in a corner. She felt immediately sorry for her, because she had left her alone, given the fact that she didn’t know anyone at the party, but asking her to come with her to the restroom would have been another form of weird.  
  
„Thanks for holding on to my drink! And sorry that I kept you waiting, my way back was a little… Uh, hard.“, Laura said, taking the cup that was nearest to her. She took a sip of it, even though her conscience told her not to drink anymore. To her surprise it was only water.  
  
„I figured you would need a pause.“, Carmilla smirked, drinking from her own cup.  
  
There were definitely less people at the party, many were gone to bed and others took the party to a more private place. She was sure now that Betty was hooking up with someone, because she couldn’t spot her, when she let her eye wander through the room. What or who she found instead, made her stomach flip.  
  
„Great…“, the blonde beside her sighed, closing her eyes, when the other girl looked at her with concern.  
  
„What is it? Are you alright?“, the brunette frowned.  
  
„Yeah… No… My ex is still here.“, the journalism student motioned over to a place, where three couches formed an ‚U‘. The dark haired woman immediately looked to the sofas, where she spotted three gingers, only one of them had an unknown face. The other people on the other seats were all male. She looked away equally quickly, so that the tall woman wouldn’t catch her staring, and put her hand on the other girl’s hand.  
  
„You can’t give her the satisfaction of still being able to tear you apart. You gotta buckle up, creampuff.“, Carmilla said, before Laura furrowed her brows.  
  
„She doesn’t tear me apart… Well, not anymore. I just feel enraged and I don’t know…“  
  
„Well then. What are you gonna do about it?“  
  
„Huh?“  
  
„Well, I caught you hiding. Do you wanna hide all your life?“  
  
„No!“, Laura exclaimed, then calmed again, „… Just until she finishes her degree and leaves this place.“, she laughed at herself. She genuinely laughed, and Carmilla laughed with her now, Laura just realized how ridiculous she must have sounded.  
  
„Distract me.“, the journalism student said, and the dark-haired one pictured it to be in a low raspy voice. Maybe it was the vodka thinking now, but she cocked an eyebrow almost out of instinct and came closer to the blonde, only inches parting them. She looked at the tiny student’s lips, how reddish they still were from all the wine. She almost couldn’t hold herself back, but then an idea formed in her mind.  
  
„Come to the restroom with me.“  
  
„What?“, Laura was a little shocked and her head went blank for a minute.  
  
„Well, I don’t know where it is, sweetheart, and I have to pee.“, Carmilla said huskily, coming a little closer to the blonde. Everyone, who was watching them would have assumed that they were about to kiss, but suddenly they both got up. The journalism student herself could feel something in the air, but she quickly grabbed the brunette by her hand and dragged her along. This gave any keen observer the idea that they were going to do god knows what, or let’s say what god would forbid.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was washing her hands, when she registered that Laura was watching her from behind. She looked her intently into the eyes through the mirror. After what felt like hours she turned, backing up against the sink, being as far away as she could, so that she wouldn’t kiss that petite blonde right on the spot.  
  
„What was that before?“, the student broke the silence.  
  
„What do you mean?“  
  
„I don’t know…“, Laura looked down and blushed a little, that intense glaring gone away, „I just, ugh forget it.“  
  
„No, say it.“, Carmilla encouraged her counterpart.  
  
„You looked like you were about to seduce me.“, normally the blonde never would have been that straightforward, but the booze was on her side that night.  
  
„Now, did I?“, the brunette asked, but there was no cocky smile after the question, she instead fixated the floor, „Your ex was watching us…“, she began, „And I thought it would help your situation a little…“  
  
„Did you want to make her jealous?“  
  
„Well, uh yes, I’m sorry, if I overstepped a little…“  
  
„No, no you just meant well.“, Laura smiled, „But I am not exactly that kind of girl… I don’t take revenge on someone, just because he or she has hurt me.“  
  
„Hmn…“, Carmilla nodded. This girl in front of her was so pure of heart. She had never met anyone who thought this way. Any other person she knew would have done that in a heart beat, without thinking. A part of her brain told her that that wasn’t the only reason or the reason at all for the moment before. Her lips were itching to kiss the shorter girl, just from the moment she licked over her lips. She wanted to lick over them too. They left the restroom in silence, but in unison.  
  
„Carm?“, the nickname made the brunette’s heart beat a little faster, „Can we sit outside for a while? I need fresh air.“, the pleading look on the blonde’s face wouldn’t have been necessary, the dark haired girl wasn’t able to say no to that angelic creature. They sat just outside, where they had met. Both being silent.  
  
She wondered why on earth Danny had cheated on her. Maybe she was a bad person after all, but then she shook her head mentally, from the short encounter she could already tell, that this was the sweetest girl she had ever met in her life. She saw the person beside her leaning back and sighing or was it shivering? She was apparently cold, she was constantly rubbing her upper arms with her hands.  
  
„Here, take my jacket.“, Carmilla was already getting up to do the chivalric act.  
  
„No, I couldn’t, you are only wearing a t-shirt underneath…“, but the brunette didn’t take a no for an answer.  
  
„Here, put it on, I’ll be fine, I’ll just get inside real quick and fix us something to drink, I am thirsty again.“  
  
„No alcohol for me though, Carm…“, Laura said, while putting on the jacket. She was instantly embraced by a sweet cloud of… What was that sweet scent? The blonde wondered if Carmilla’s neck would smell this way. She felt a little embarrassed, when she caught herself thinking that. She had to think of something that distracted her of the thought and thought of the cigarettes, but quite frankly? Not even that helped her.  
  
„ _Hollis, stop falling for straight girls_.“, she murmured to herself before shaking her head, knowing that no one could see it or acknowledge it.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla felt the cold air brush up against her skin when she took off her jacket, but she felt obligated to do that little act. She felt like protecting the tiny blonde. She always had it for the ‚weak ones‘, she thought to herself. After she thought again, she mentally smacked herself, because that’s not what she thought about Laura. She thought that she was intelligent and good-hearted, not weak. However there she was, the brunette was someone, who just wanted someone to need her.  
  
When she walked into the room, where the party was (or lack thereof, most people were gone by then, only some were at a corner playing spin the bottle, and a few were making out on the couch), she noticed how long they actually were gone. The way to the restroom took them a little longer, because only the public wc in the 4th floor was open now. She didn’t look at anyone and directly went to the bar, taking a bottle of water. She would share it with Laura, she thought. She couldn’t linger on her thoughts though, because she felt someone watching her, and was confirmed, when she heard a voice from behind.  
  
„ _You_ must be Carmilla.“, the dark-haired woman instantly knew who was standing behind her. She smiled, put on the facade, she had on, when she first met Laura some hours ago.  
  
„ _Must I be_?“, the brunette slowly turned giving the tall redhead a cold stare. She loved it, when people she hated thought she was arrogant. Was it wrong of her to hate someone she didn’t really know anything about? Maybe, but someone who could hurt someone as innocent as Laura, didn’t deserve her politeness.  
  
„Listen, I don’t know what you’re up to with Laura… But you need to back off.“, Danny noticed that her opponent was lacking a piece of clothing, that was the first thing that came to her mind. She imagined the brunette and Laura together, having sex with her in the same room, in the same bed as they had. It made her a little sick. They were gone now for at least 30 minutes. She knew she had screwed things up, but she still was very protective of Laura, at least that’s what she told herself. It couldn’t have been jealousy, because that would mean that she was immature and childish. She was supposed to be better than that, all the good kinds of righteous.  
  
„What _I_ am up to, with whoever _I_ want to, is none of your business.“, Carmilla said coldly.  
  
„Are you sure you want to mess with me?!“, the redhead issued a warning, before LaF held her back. They were saying something to her, the brunette didn’t even catch, because she was so angry.  
  
She was angry that this woman had talked to her and she was angry that she couldn’t do anything to make Laura feel better and mostly she was angry at the universe for making the tiny student feel that way. She stormed off, before she would lose herself, attacking Danny, because she could have sworn she was mad enough to kill someone at that moment.  
  
…  
  
„Hey, I was worried about you, what took you so long?“, the blonde smiled, as the other girl returned, giving her a bottle. She immediately opened it, and drank quarter of the water in it.  
  
„Laura…?“, Carmilla slowly began.  
  
„Yeah?“, the student suddenly felt a lump in her throat. She was almost sure what was coming now. She screwed the top back to the bottle and put it beside her on the bench. She snuggled into the jacket once again, knowing the piece of clothing would be demanded back soon.  
  
„I think I am gonna get going now…“  
  
„Already? It’s only…“, the blonde checked her watch, „1 AM.“, she was shocked, how late it had been. She was having such a good time, and it made her wonder when she last had met someone who she could pass time with so quickly, even though they didn’t really talk about anything at all. Carmilla remained silent, she didn’t want to leave either, but she had to at some point go and after the whole Danny-fiasco she thought she’d better get going now.  
  
„So uh…“, without being specific at all, the dark haired mystery woman lowered her gaze, trying to prolong the encounter as much as possible.  
  
„Right, your jacket.“, the student got up slowly and took off the piece of clothing, giving it back to the owner, who wasn’t so keen on getting it back, even though it was very cold outside. She liked it on the blonde.  
  
„Right.“, Carmilla draped it over her left arm.  
  
The journalism student looked her counterpart in the eyes, once more trying to decipher the mystic wilds, but in vain. There was nothing and it was, as if Carmilla silently said ‚I’ve got nothing I can give you.‘. That was probably right, but Laura knew, what the other girl had given her that night. The girl gave her somehow hope that there were more people outside of that small Danny-world she built for herself. She could fall in love with other people.  
  
She was also convinced that that dark haired girl wasn’t inapproachable, she was a great person, she could open it all up to someone, someone other than her probably, she would never like someone like her. She smiled a last time, before passing the brunette, only to look back again.  
  
„Will I see you again?“, the journalism student asked. The way she asked, broke the other girl’s heart a little.  
  
„ _In life you always meet twice_.“, the mystery woman replied quietly. She never turned to see Laura’s face again, she couldn’t bare it right now. That beautiful face, with the soft features.  
  
She heard the other girl leave, with every step her heart began to feel heavier, with every step her heart demanded to hold her back.  
  
She let herself sink onto the bench. Looking to the left side, there was the bottle that the blonde had left behind. She opened it and eyed it a long time, before putting her lips where seconds ago Laura’s had been and drank from it.  
  
This was how close she would get to kissing that girl tonight.  
  
„ _God, I am such a creep_.“, she sighed and shook her head.


	2. Like Mother, Like Daughter (NOT)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura has some trouble with her new roommate.  
> Carmilla is apparently at Silas too, oh what a coincidence?

„I will miss you Betty…“, Laura smiled after she pulled away from the hug her and Betty were in.  
  
Her now ex-roommate was waiting for the cab, which was going to take her to the airport. It was Sunday now, two days after the party and the time had come to say good bye.  
  
A phone was buzzing.  
  
„Alright, I have to go… I will text you, when I land in Newark okay?“, Laura nodded, giving her a reassuring smile.  
  
„You got this. I am looking forward to hearing great things from you.“  
  
„Take care Laura.“  
  
„You too, have a safe flight.“  
  
Another hug, and off the tall girl was, leaving behind the nerdy student, who felt a little alone now.  
  
Laura knew that her new roommate was going to arrive there soon enough. She had received a note with the words: ‚Ms. Hollis, we took care of your situation, even though it was at such short notice. A new roommate was assigned to you and will be moving in as soon as she can, I suggest you to get in touch. -Dean of Students and Faculty‘  
  
A number was found right under it, which the journalism student had sent a text to. She wrote something like ‚Hey, I am Laura, your new roommate, just wanted to let you know you could move in this Sunday. The dean sent me a note, which said I should inform you.‘ The other girl never even bothered to introduce herself, but at least replied that she would move in Sunday night.  
  
Laura turned on her computer, sat on the edge of her bed and eyed a folder named ‚Danny‘ on her home screen. She had spent countless times looking through the photos. Why didn’t she deserve a healthy relationship? Why did it all go down like that? How could a person that claimed to love her, do that to her? The blonde sighed, because whenever she wanted to delete the folder, she thought of the nice things and the good memories. Could she really make a single mouse click to throw that all away?  
  
Laura then thought about what that mysterious woman Carmilla had said to her two nights ago. How she told her to stand her grounds and not letting herself tear apart anymore. She was right, that dark shady person was right. That dark shady person, who looked like a vampire seductress. Although the alcohol had clouded her vision, she remembered every little thing about that woman. She remembered her delicate fingers holding the cigarette, her dark eyes that had a certain power to seduce everything around her.  
  
Klick. That was how fast she deleted the folder. That woman was right.  
  
Laura leaned back on her bed, fully lying down with her laptop on her lap and closed her eyes. When her lids flew shut, immediately she saw dark eyes looking at her again. She saw that incredible smile, that slightly fake arrogant behavior, the aloofness. She never liked the dark, but with Carmilla there came the black and the white. God, what was it about that woman that made the blonde go nuts? She was interrupted in her thoughts.  
  
A knock on the door.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was driving around, clearing her head, before she had to go into the building. She knew what was waiting for her. She couldn’t run away from it forever, she would eventually have to face the situation, so she turned left on the street, where a big sign showed. It said ‚SILAS UNIVERSITY AND CAMPUS‘.  
  
Immediately the soft brown eyes of that blonde came into her mind. Laura Hollis. She shook off that thought. She could not possibly be pining over a random girl, but with decreasing proximity to the dormitory, she knew the student lived in, her heart began to flutter in her chest. She looked into distance, catching the bench with her eye, the bench, where she had met Laura. However she couldn’t fall for her, the reason behind it was complex and fighting it wouldn’t help.  
  
She couldn’t be thinking those things right now, she had to get out of the car and make her legs move towards the building.  
  
Carmilla got out of her car, locked it, checking again, just in case… She knew she was playing with time. Why was she so nervous about this? She couldn’t help herself. She needed a smoke.   
  
Now.  
  
…  
  
„Hi?“, Laura sounded a little surprised, because a stranger was standing in front of the door.  
  
„Uh hi, I am Ben.“, a low voice came out from the tall dark haired guy standing in front of her.  
  
„Okay? Can I help you with something?“  
  
„Yeah actually… I am looking for Laura, Laura Hollis.“, he pointed to some empty cardboard boxes on the floor.  
  
„Oh, right, you are Betty’s brother.“, Laura was gesturing him to come in.  
  
„Yeah Betty told me I should come get the rest of her stuff, you knew about it right?“  
  
„Yeah, yeah I did. I was just distracted by- uh… whatever…“, Laura smiled and told him which things he could pack up.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla found herself in the narrow hallway. At the end of it, there was the room. She kept on walking, although her legs begged her not to. She wasn’t fond of this situation. She never wanted to do this, but now she was forced to. She hated being forced to do anything. Her liberty meant everything to her.  
  
When the brunette arrived her destination, namely a wooden door, she hesitantly knocked, before entering.  
  
„You must be Carmilla! I already heard, you were joining SU!.“, Matska Belmonde was smiling at her, she was the sponsor of Silas University. The woman now slowly stood up and made her way out of the room, but before leaving, she half heartedly shook Carmilla’s hand, eyeballing her. The woman in the leather jacket knew exactly who her opponent was, given the fact that they had met at several functions. Carmilla didn’t mind that that much though, she was used to this kind of wealthy people.  
  
„I have to rush, but I wish you a pleasant day, taa.“, she waved and left.  
  
The brunette turned now and took in the office she was standing in. It seemed bigger than the last time she had been in there. Bookshelves were filling the two walls to her left and right, on the right side there was a heavy armchair. That was the chair she would sit in as a young teenager, when her mother would tell her to do her homework. The other wall opposing to the door had three big windows, which allowed the dean to watch over the campus. A dark wooden desk was set in the rear middle of the room, with one chair behind it (for the dean) and two in the front for any visitors.  
  
A woman was standing at a corner, eyeing Carmilla from toe to scalp.  
  
„Darling, I told you to dress properly.“, the brunette across the room spoke. It was Carmilla’s mother, Renata Karnstein.  
  
„Well, hello mother, gee yes, it is nice to see you too.“, the younger woman let herself fall down to a chair in front of the desk. This exceeded her expectations, but not in the good way. She didn’t even have anything nice to say about her daughter after 8 years that she had been away. They had seen each other in the vacations, but this was different now. She would be living in the same town as her, being at the same building with her even. She was stuck now with her. Her mother had won.  
  
„I am sorry dear, but I won’t allow this attire at my university.“, Renata sat down on her chair, facing her daughter.  
  
„It is Sunday mother, it is my free day. On Sundays I will wear whatever I want. It is already bad enough that I have to be in on a Sunday.“  
  
„Yes, but that was your choice. I had an appointment with you Friday evening, which you never even declined.“  
  
„I was busy with something else.“, Carmilla didn’t want to go any further into details, „I am sorry.“  
  
„Very well then. Do you have your assignments? I already printed out all the info you will need tomorrow. So you can start off smoothly at Silas.“, the older woman gave her counterpart a large envelope.  
  
„Uh huh. Can I go now? Or did you want to talk to me about something else?“  
  
„No, dear you can go.“, the brunette woman quietly said, when the other one got up.  
  
Before Carmilla could vanish through the doors she heard her mother smilingly say words that made her shiver a little.  
  
„I am so happy that you finally took the offer to come here, dear. I am proud of you.“  
  
She was her mother’s puppy now.  
  
  
  
The brunette decided on going to the pub which was near her place. After all she could need some drinks before Monday would hit. She didn’t like thinking about meeting her mother in the halls of Silas. She certainly didn’t want to run into her every now and then, but that’s what would happen, if she was going to be there.  
  
„Rough day?“, a girl, who was sitting beside her asked her.  
  
„Rough life.“, Carmilla snorted back.  
  
„Mind if I buy you a drink or two?“, the dark haired girl certainly felt her ego being pushed higher a little.  
  
„Not at all.“  
  
  
  
Laura was already half asleep, when her new roommate decided on barging in. The young blonde turned on her night light slightly in confusion and the sight, which was offered to her, was not a delight at all.  
  
„Uhm excuse me, who the hell are you and what do you think you are doing?!“, she squealed.  
  
A blonde, rather tall girl walked into the room, lighting up a cigarette. More precisely, it was a joint.  
  
„I’m Elsie, your new roommate, chill down. Want a puff…?“, the blonde girl enjoyed herself clearly.  
  
„Smoking is forbidden in the rooms! They can expel you for that!“, the journalism student exclaimed, now standing.  
  
„But who is gonna tell, huh? I suggest you keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.“, Elsie was leaning out of the window. Laura never was that kind of a student, the kind that told on others, but she knew that she would have to change roommates at least. She was not having this girl live with her. Did she think she was queen of Swaghilia? Laura slid under her blankets, hoping that this would be a silly nightmare, but unfortunately she knew it was not.  
  
Meanwhile across town there was Carmilla, alone in her bed. She didn’t know how she’d end up alone, because she was pretty sure, she could have taken the girl from the bar home with her, but she somehow didn’t. There wasn’t even a kiss, nor subtle flirting. The brunette shook her head a little at how silly she was. She was never one to miss opportunities, but this time she didn’t feel the urge to do anything about it. She decided that it was better anyways, because she had to be in Silas University at sharp 7:30 the next day.  
  
…  
  
Laura woke up with the smell of pot in her room, which made her squirm. She hated the smell of smoke, but mixed with this indescribable notion… That just made her feel sick. Her roommate was sleeping tightly in her jacket, she never cared to unpack or anything. She had her suitcase open and pieces of clothing sprawled out on the floor. That girl wasn’t only a pothead, no she was messy too, oh Laura had to do something about it.  
  
The exemplary student looked at her alarm clock, she could have half an hour of sleep until she really had to get up, but decided on having a long shower instead. After getting ready, she let herself fall down on the bed again. She would be super early to class, if she went now and would have to wait awkwardly, but seriously? She would do anything to leave her smelling, messy room in that moment.  
  
  
  
When Laura slowly walked around in her campus, thinking of the way that would take longest to her lecture hall, she noticed a woman pacing in front of her. She eyed her from head to toe, she found something familiar about this posture, that figure, the way she took the steps, but as she was trying to place her, someone yelled at her.  
  
„Lois Lane!“, it was LaFontaine. They were waving frantically, before running to her.  
  
„Hey, up so early too?“, Laura asked her best friend.  
  
„Yeah, I have a meeting with my peeps from science club.“, they announced.  
  
„Oh, good for you. I have to be that stupid nerd girl that waits for the lecture hall to be opened. Where’s Perry? She not with you?“  
  
„Hmn…“, LaF was clearly out of their mind, „Uh no… We don’t really walk together anymore…“, the blonde couldn’t ignore the issue forever.  
  
„Listen… I have been catching onto things…“, Laura carefully began, „You guys have been acting weird lately… Like not usually weird… And I have no idea what is going on and erm it is starting to freak me out a little… You know, you can talk to me, right?“  
  
„I know Laura…“, they smiled, they appreciated nerd-girl’s offer.  
  
„Wanna come by tonight and talk?“, Laura offered.  
  
„Can’t tonight, but what about after class?“  
  
„I can’t after class, Betty has been officially replaced by the roommate from hell… I wanna stop by the dean’s office after class and complain about her, although I don’t think that’s gonna change something. I have to try though…“  
  
„Oh, that bad huh? What did she do?“, LaFontaine bumped their fist on their friend’s shoulder.  
  
„Yeah… I would tell you tonight, but you don’t have the time, dear.“, Laura shook her head, laughing.  
  
„What about lunch then? Let’s meet in the canteen at 12?“  
  
„Oh, lunch sounds perfect.“, the blonde nodded.  
  
„Awesome, see ya then L.“, and off they were.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla had to wake up early, because there were preparations to make. She had to straighten her hair, she even had lipstick on. She put on a nice grey trouser suit, with a white blouse underneath her blazer. She had to look into the mirror twice, she didn’t recognize herself. Just look into your eyes in the mirror. Focus on them.  
  
„Just a year.“, Carmilla told her reflection like a mantra, „Just a year, until it finally ends.“  
  
  
  
Carmilla’s first class had gone well, she was eyed suspiciously when she walked in the lecture hall. She somehow didn’t fit in. She never imagined Silas’ halls to be so big, they were intimidating almost. She wasn’t all too scared off though, due to her experience with other larger lecture halls in Ivy-League universities.   
  
Her thoughts often wandered off to a certain tiny blonde, who she remembered also to go to that SU.  
  
Carmilla secretly hoped that they would meet out of coincidence, but then internally smacked herself. She couldn’t meet her. Could she avoid her forever though? She wondered, if they even went the same paths, when entering Silas. Who knows? Maybe Laura’s classes were set at night time, so maybe she could evade her forever. At the party she had picked up that LaFontaine was talking about evening classes.  
  
It was nearly 12, when she decided that she wanted to go out and eat at a restaurant, instead of having to eat canteen-food. She didn’t like processed food.  
  
  
  
Just about the same time across the campus Laura was entering the dining hall, where LaF was already waiting for her. They waved again, making their presence clear, when the blonde approached. She sat beside them and went through the card displayed at the table, which said ‚Today’s Meals‘. Soon after that they both decided on their food and got up separately (the tables were rather limited and they couldn’t risk losing it to someone else) to get their lunch.  
  
  
  
„Sooo…“, LaF slowly started, „What was up with you and that hot brunette chick on Friday?“  
  
„Uh… You mean Carmilla?“, Laura played with her fork, preoccupied in thoughts.  
  
„Yeah, who else would I be talking about, duh?“  
  
„Well, nothing was up. We were just drinking and having some fun…“, Laura locked eyes with her friend, who was not buying it.  
  
„Oh come on, don’t leave me hanging like that.“  
  
„What do you mean? There is nothing to tell!“, the blonde exclaimed.  
  
„We all saw you leave the room with her, besides you both looked like you were going to eat each other.“, LaFontaine remarked, before taking another bite off their food. To their utter amazement, it really wasn’t as bad as they remembered it to be.  
  
„No, it wasn’t what it looked like…“, Laura had a disappointed notion in her voice now, „She is straight.“  
  
„Oh… Well, but Danny sure was jealous, she even threatened Carmilla when-“  
  
„ _WHAT?!_ “, the journalism student couldn’t believe what she was told.  
  
„Yeah, but I stepped in and then your date stormed off…“  
  
„Oh god…“, Laura closed her eyes and covered up her face with her left hand. Her opponent saw how it clearly affected her and let it go.

  
  
„So uh, what’s up with that roommate of yours?“  
  
„Don’t start on her, ugh, she hasn’t even been here for 24 hours, and already driving me insane. She smoked a joint in our room last night, while I was trying to sleep and today in the morning… **UGH**!“, Laura sighed in frustration, „There were clothes everywhere, how does one manage that? How can you-“, the blonde was interrupted.  
  
„ **Perry and I kissed!** “  
  
Jaw dropping. Laura lost grip of her fork. It made a noise, that brought her back to earth.  
  
She had to reply to that.  
  
„W-w-w-what? How? When? Oi, how come you haven't told me immediately???“, was all that the journalism student could utter.  
  
„In the holidays, when we went out one night. I mean, it was only her and me in a club, no big deal and all, but I was really drunk and she was kind of- gosh, I don’t know and now I don’t know how to act around her and she hasn’t been much of a help either, she completely ignores it, I just…“  
  
Laura followed every word that LaF had said, they were starting to ramble actually, just like her.  
  
„So… Have you tried to talk to her about it?“  
  
„Yeah, I have… But she always insists that everything is perfect the way it is and acts ‚normal‘.“  
  
„Hmn…“, the journalism student didn’t have any more advice. She was so caught up in her own life and recent events that she didn’t have the brains to form some sort of plan or whatever the both of them would usually come up with.  
  
„Anyways… It’s good to talk to you about it. It’s good that somebody knows, you know?“, the redhead smiled.  
  
„You can always talk to me, about everything. Even though sometimes I can’t help at all or my advice sucks.“  
  
„Thanks, Laura, but you’ve been here, that’s enough.“  
  
…  
  
Laura slowly walked a narrow hallway, she could see the big wooden door. The student had already set up an appointment with the office, before she came. She remembered walking in on that door, when she first was admitted to Silas. Those were the times, the non-heartbreak Laura Hollis times. She prepped herself a little and laid out exactly what she wanted to say in her head.  
  
A knock appeared on the door.  
  
Carmilla was sitting in an armchair, with some documents, scribbling things into them, when she looked up. A flash of panic drove into her, as she recognized the girl who was now coming in. She didn’t even have one day without running into the blonde.  
  
Laura was having some trouble closing the heavy door behind her. After that was done, she turned around. An elegant creature was sitting in a big armchair, though the sunlight from the big windows didn’t give away her face, Laura came a little closer, thinking it was the dean, but then was shocked.  
  
It was Carmilla, _the broody, smoking leather chick_. She was different though, she didn’t have those messy, wild locks, she had straightened her hair, she was wearing a half-sheer blouse and a suit. _She was wearing a freaking suit!_ Just as Laura was about to say something, the woman shook her head vigorously, gesturing her that she should act as if they didn’t know each other.

 _What the hell was going on?_  
  
Was Carmilla a student at Silas like her? Why hadn’t she told her? There were a lot more questions popping up, but a voice brought her back to earth.  
  
„Ms. Hollis, I believe your new roommate has settled in?“, a brunette from behind the armchair crept up. That was the dean. It was only now, that she understood, how she could have mistaken Carmilla to be the dean. They had the same posture, they looked very alike, apart from the fact that the dean was about 3 decades older than the woman sitting in the chair.  
  
„Uh…“, Laura was still confused, but decided to go along with the act, „Yeah, I was actually here to talk to you about that…“, the dean went back to her desk, sitting down, her gaze was in a notebook in front of her. The student didn’t know, if she was listening, so she stopped.  
  
„Oh, go on please.“, the woman encouraged her, without looking at her. Laura stepped a little closer to the desk, now standing next to the armchair, where Carmilla was sitting. The dark haired woman had been staring at her the whole time, not knowing if it was pleasant to see the tiny blonde or if she should run away in panic.  
  
„I would want to know, if I can change my roommate.“, Laura said calmly.  
  
„Change your roommate?“, Renata was eyeing the student in disbelieve or was it amusement?  
  
„Uh yeah, I don’t get along with…“  
  
„Miss Hollis, with what nerve do you dare to come here and ask such a question? We solved your roommate-problem, even though the deadline was long over, and now you come here and complain abou-“, the principal was cut off by her daughter.  
  
„ _Mutter, du hattest doch vorhin erwähnt, dass du ein freies Zimmer im Kaiser Franz Haus hättest. Wieso gibst du ihr nicht einfach das Zimmer_?“, Carmilla was speaking in a different language. Laura was surprised, but was not quite sure why she didn’t speak in English. Why would they be talking in a foreign language?  
  
(Translation: _Mother, weren’t you talking about a vacant room in the Kaiser Franz House before? Why don’t you transfer her into that room?_ )  
  
The dark haired woman on the other hand knew exactly why: she was addressing her mother as her mother and Laura didn’t need to know that piece of information. It was awkward enough that they met here, but if she had to explain all of this… No, she couldn’t, and that’s why she used German.  
  
„ _Kind, seit wann interessierst du dich für studentische Affären_?“, Renata sighed a little, while the blonde still didn’t know what was going on, „ _Ich schätze jedoch, du hast recht, ich habe nicht daran gedacht._ Ms. Hollis, what would you think of a single bed room?“  
  
(Translation/Implication: _Darling, since when is it your job to decide on student affairs? … However, I think you are right, I didn’t even think about that._ )  
  
„What?“, the student was slightly taken aback. What had Carmilla said to the dean that she was making such an offer now, and why did the dean listen to a student?  
  
„I am offering you a place at the KFH. It is a highly prestigious house. We entrust only students in higher semesters with the privilege of living there, but as your track record is clean, I think we can move you there… For a year at least.“  
  
„Oh… That would be… I mean, yeah, I would take the offer.“, Laura was very happy about the outcome, even though she still hadn’t grasped the whole situation.  
  
„Good, I’ll have Ms. Karnstein take you there to have a look. If everything turns out fine for you, you can sign the contract.“, the dean gave Carmilla a piece of paper, she fetched from one of her drawers, „You were the one with the idea, so you can also make yourself useful, my dear.“  
  
„Oh, yeah okay I’ll take her there now.“, was all Carmilla responded.  
  
Laura was still trying to comprehend the situation. More and more questions crept up: What was the relation between these two women? Why did the dean entrust Carmilla with a thing like that? Wasn’t that supposed to be something the student service would do? How did Carmilla convince the dean on something like that anyways? All of the thoughts were again interrupted.  
  
„Ms. Hollis, would you like to strike roots, or can we go?“, the young brunette’s voice rang to her ears, when she held up some keys. She had called her Ms. Hollis, why would another student call her Ms. Hollis? Then she remembered, Carmilla was smart, the dean never had mentioned Laura’s first name, so she couldn’t say it either, but that brought up the first question again: Why couldn’t the dean know that they knew each other?  
  
„Oh, uh yeah, we can go Car- Ms. Karnstein.“, what an odd name, Laura thought to herself. It was similar to the dean’s name. Every letter was the same, except for the ‚s‘ and the ‚ei‘ in stein. Renata pronounced it ‚Karnshtain‘, instead of ‚Karnsteen‘. The blonde thought about it for a while, before the penny dropped. She found herself just outside the door, when she looked up to where the sign for the dean’s office was. It was black with golden letters and read: ‚Univ.-Prof. Dr. Dr. Renata Karnstein, Dean of Students and Faculty‘. She froze. The dean was speaking German and in German the letters ‚ei‘ were read ‚ai‘. She didn’t know much about that language, but this much was for sure.  
  
„You are the daughter of the dean?“, Laura slowly started.  
  
„Uh… Yeah.“  
  
„You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.“, the journalism student let out.  
  
„Okay, I will tell you everything, but just not here.“, with that Carmilla gently placed her hand on the blonde’s back and led her out of the hallway, down the stairs.  
  
…  
  
Laura and Carmilla entered a room, in a big hostel called ‚Kaiser Franz Haus’. The room they were in was as big as the room Laura lived in now, except for the fact that it was a single room. A bed was set on the left side of the room, it was a little bigger than the single bed she was occupying now. A white desk was set at the opposite wall to the wall with the bed and a big window greeted everyone, who was at the door.  
  
A room just for her.  
  
„How do you know all these secret passages?“, Laura asked, already knowing that she would totally take the offer to rent out the room for 1 year.  
  
Carmilla had shown her a lot of short cuts and secret passages, she had never known about on their way from the dean’s office to the hostel, which was pretty close to the Department of Investigative Journalism. She spent a lot of time in Silas last year, never had she seen the brunette. Her wonders took ahold of her.  
  
„I grew up here. My mother has been the dean of students since I’ve been about 10 years old. She would have the nanny take me here straight after school and uh-“, the taller woman noticed that her counterpart hadn’t said anything about the room, „What do you say? Do you like it?“  
  
„I still don’t understand…“, the blonde began again, looking at Carmilla, eyeing her outfit, her perfectly straight hair, which didn’t fit. She also registered that the brunette hadn’t looked at her like she had 3 days ago. She wasn’t smug at all, she was rather… What was it? Intimidated? Anxious?  
  
„Well, we just transfer you from the room you live in now. It is really no big deal. You just have to sign the contract, we will take care of the rest.“  
  
„No, I didn’t mean that.“, Laura explained, „The room is fine, I meant I don’t understand the thing with you and the dean and…“, her counterpart clearly wasn’t comfortable with talking about it.  
  
The brunette was slowly burning from inside. She never would have pictured herself in this situation, not when she earlier was daydreaming about meeting Laura, not when she said good bye to her 3 days ago. She knew she had to tell the truth now, she couldn’t play it off and be all secretive about it, not when Laura saw her like this. She looked through her, she understood, that all of this wasn’t her. The student had eyed her suspiciously ever since she caught her in her mother’s office.  
  
„Okay… So…“, Carmilla sat down on the edge of the bed, „Where do I even start?“  
  
„Start with why the hell you are dressed up like that.“, Laura was pointing to her counterpart’s outfit.  
  
„Because I can’t be running around with leather pants at a university.“  
  
„Sure you can, have you seen what some other students wear?“, Carmilla was looking at the student with an expression, which the blonde could not read.  
  
„Well, students may be allowed to pull that off, but not me…“, the brunette started, „I teach here, I am a professor… Uh well not quite yet, but something like that… I am habilitating.“  
  
Jaw drop #2 today.  
  
„How old are you?“, Laura felt a little alarmed, when she heard the word professor.  
  
„I am 24.“, Carmilla said without locking eyes with her counterpart. She rather chose to stare at her hands, folded in her lap.  
  
That didn’t add up for Lauronica Mars and as if she could read minds, the woman in suit explained herself.  
  
„I skipped 2 grades in elementary school… So that left me with graduating even before my 16th birthday… Then after I turned 16 in summer, I was pushed to attend an Ivy-League school in the States and I didn’t want to get stuck here in Austria, so I played along… I finished all my degrees in 7 years and here I am now, working for my mother’s university.“  
  
„So, you are a professor in the making…?“  
  
„Yeah, professor of English Literature.“, Carmilla somewhat proudly announced. That was the first thing she said with pride, even though the skipping grades and finishing university in time thing was much more impressive.  
  
Jaw drop #3.  
  
„Wednesdays and Fridays 10:30… In room 307…“, Laura blurted out. She didn’t make sense to her opponent.  
  
„Wait…“, Carmilla looked up and faced the girl beside her, „ _How did you…?_ “  
  
„They told us about a new professor… I am in your seminar… I have my major in journalism and writing… And figured English Lit. would help a lot, so I took the extra seminars, because they told me that _working intently with an assigned professor_ in seminars would be better…“  
  
So all of this was more illegal than Carmilla had thought primarily? It was illegal that she was having daydreams about the petite blonde, imagining to kiss her. She only thought she was a student of Silas, not hers in particular. As the faculty handbook clearly indicated, it was only strictly forbidden to have romantic interactions with your own students. Not that she had thought that far, she was just thinking about it, toying with the idea, when she had first met Laura. She wasn’t thinking that what they were doing was wrong. She heard the ginger friend of Laura talking about biology and immediately thought that the blonde was some sort of science major too.  
  
The brunette jumped up, leaving the other girl in confusion. The journalism student was so confused, all the time. She felt like since Carmilla showed up, all that she was feeling was confusion.  
  
„Wait…“, Laura needed all of her questions to be answered, „So what about the night we met?“  
  
Could Laura read Carmilla’s thoughts?  
  
„What about that night?“  
  
„Well, why didn’t you tell me? Why were you so secretive about it?“  
  
„Because I didn’t want to ruin a nice chat with a pretty girl, who I would probably never ever see again.“, wow that was very honest, „I thought, if something should happen, I would let it happen. Telling you that I was a professor at Silas… _When I don’t even feel like one, when I don’t even want to_ -“  
  
Carmilla was now walking over an edge. She admitted to flirting with Laura, she admitted that she at least at one point in the evening had a romantic interest in the blonde. The student however was deaf to the actually sweet things the brunette offered.  
  
„You lied to me… You lied to me about everything! You were pretending to be someone you are not!“  
  
„No I didn’t.“, the assistant professor remained calm, „I never lied, I was merely holding back information.“  
  
„Then what about this?“, Laura pointed at Carmilla’s body, „What about the suit? The lipstick on your mouth? What about that straightened hair?“  
  
„I can’t pick out my wardrobe when I am working. That“, the brunette was pointing at her hair and her clothes, „That’s not me. What you saw on Friday, that was completely me.“  
  
Laura gulped. She couldn’t digest the fact that she spent 2 whole days daydreaming about her own professor. And that same professor- wait, did she mention that Laura was pretty???  
  
„ _You like girls?!?_ “, Laura asked loudly. That was a question Carmilla didn’t expect at all. That was what she wanted to talk about now?  
  
„No, actually I prefer women, but if you’re asking if I am into girls, as in the female sex, then the answer would be yes.“  
  
„Why didn’t you tell me? I mean…“  
  
Carmilla was now surprised. The brunette had a smirk on her face. Even though the straightened hair, the lipstick, her whole attire made her into this whole new person, in that moment the blonde found herself set back to the events 3 days ago.  
  
„Do I have to tell everyone I meet on the streets about my sexual preferences? Besides, I don't like labels.“  
  
Laura didn’t know how to respond to that. She was taken aback by the witty responses her counterpart could give. She wanted to smack herself for sounding so ridiculous, but the smug face and the chuckle that escaped the professor’s lips afterwards were worth it. She was drawn into the depth of Carmilla’s dark eyes, that she forgot to breathe for a moment. That woman knew exactly how to seduce people, Laura thought to herself.  
  
That was certainly not the right way to think about a professor.  
  
_Her professor._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As stated before, English is not my first language, therefore forgive my mistakes.  
> For creeping purposes: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Worst Crush Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's birthday is coming up.  
> Carm and her student have a little discussion in class.  
> Latin phrases and ludicrously expensive champagne are involved.

„No way!“, LaFontaine’s voice was loud, making Laura move away from the phone speakers a little. She had called her friend after she moved all of her things to her new dorm room. She had signed the papers the day before, right when she came to look at the place. Her and Carmilla hadn’t talked much afterwards.  
  
It had been 11 PM, but still the mad scientist picked up, because they worried that the blonde was in trouble, which she actually was. Laura told her friend about Carmilla and the weird situation she was in now.  
  
„Yeah… I don’t know what I should do… And tomorrow is Wednesday… I have to sit with her and 8 other people in a tiny room for two hours and discuss Nabokov’s ‚Lolita‘… And as if that’s not enough, I looked up my timetable and guess what? Hot leather pants chick is also holding a course of lectures, so I get to see her twice on Fridays…!“  
  
„Is someone having a crush on her professor?“  
  
„God, no, that was not what I meant aaaah!!! I don’t know!“, LaF was chuckling on the other end.  
  
„I thought she was straight? You swore to yourself not to fall for those anymore.“  
  
„Well, that piece of information changed too…“, Laura let out a frustrated sigh, „But I can’t do anything about it anyways.“  
  
„Hmmnn…“, the ginger was apparently thinking about something.  
  
„Hey, what’s up? Did something happen?“  
  
„No, I mean… Uh, Laura…? I know, you didn’t wanna do much on your birthday and I can’t this Friday anyways… But Perry and I would like to take you out to dinner the day before…“  
  
„Oh, uh, yeah, that would be really nice.“, the journalism student smiled at how sweet her friends were and was happy that it didn’t have to be on Friday. She never wanted to spend her birthday with friends. She’d always lock herself up on that day for 7 years in a row now.  
  
„So you and Perry talking again?“  
  
„Kind of. I don’t know, I will let that slide for a while, can’t be thinking of that incident now, I have to study for some upcoming exams or I will fail them… Ask the sexy professor for me how she finished her multitude of degrees in 7 years, my schedule is making it impossible for me finish one properly.“  
  
„She’s just really smart, and…“  
  
„Romanticizing again?“  
  
„Ha Ha… Oi, you should go to sleep now… And so should I…“, Laura said with a blush, she was thankful that no one was in her room to see it.  
  
„Okay L. Good night.“  
  
„Night.“  
  
Laura covered her head with her blanket, as she lay down on her bed.  
  
**Worst. Crush. Ever.**  
  
…  
  
Carmilla woke up a little late this morning, leaving her no choice, but to leave out the step of straightening her hair. She didn’t like it anyway, she felt sorry for her locks, but she wanted to make a good first day impression on her mother on Monday, though her mother never said anything about her hair, only her clothes she usually would pick out to wear.  
  
The brunette was forced to wear school uniforms a big part of her life, so when she got to college and university she developed her own style. She felt comfortable in dark colors and black leather, as if she could hide in every kind of crowd. Black was the color of stealth.  
  
Today was the day she would have her first little group of people. She had a lecture to give on Monday, on Tuesday she had an off day and now it was Wednesday, the day she would meet Laura again. She wondered how it would be like, she wondered, if the journalism student was smart. Then again, Laura was at Silas, it wasn’t Carmilla’s first choice, mainly because of her mother, but she knew it wasn’t a bad university and she knew that the admittance rate was rather low.  
  
Carmilla knew she didn’t have to dress up for the seminars as much as for the lectures. She could wear more casual clothes, that comforted her a little. She was still not going out and about in leather pants or ripped jeans, but she would be allowed to loosen up a bit with her fashion.  
  
She checked in the mirror, combing her hair, but still leaving it slightly disheveled, as if she wasn’t trying too hard. Her hair fell smoothly in waterfall-like shapes from the edges of her face. She didn’t put on lipstick, instead went for a nude colored chapstick. She lined her eyes, put on mascara and then eyed her reflection. That wasn’t fake, she didn’t wear some overly fancy suit nor was Chanel smeared on her lips. She was wearing grey jeans and a t-shirt underneath a black blazer. This wasn’t too bad.  
  
Why was she so eager on trying to be herself, not to be mother’s minion? She was almost painfully trying to prove it to herself, that she was still her. The things Laura had said to her hit her. She looked at her, as if she didn’t recognize her. Carmilla smiled bitterly at herself, she let things, a girl she barely even knew, said to her, affect her. But Laura was right, wasn’t she? She wasn’t herself, if she had to shift from one ‚personality’ to another. She didn’t want to be here in the first place. Her mother had something on her, and she could only be freed from that, if she sticked around for one silly year.  
  
Carmilla found herself in her mother’s office before giving her first class in room 307. She felt tense and happy about the fact that she would see the blonde again, even though she didn’t want to admit it to herself.  
  
„Carmilla, those are the titles of works to the faculty suggests to be discussed… You can also choose autonomously too, but at least 4 must be from this list.“, Renata handed over a piece of paper with some titles.  
  
„Thanks.“, as the younger woman took the list, she gave it a quick glance.  
  
„And this…“, another piece of paper, „Is the list of the 9 students you will be supporting throughout this semester… You will have to check on their ID from time to time, in the past there have been some frauds who thought they could smuggle in others to do their work. So this is an attendance list, don’t lose it.“  
  
Carmilla gulped. She quickly took the list from her mother’s hand, shoved it into her bag and stood up.  
  
„I have to prepare for my class!“, and gone she was.  
  
…  
  
Laura was -as you would expect it from an exceptional student- too early. It wasn’t even 10, when she arrived in room 307. It was empty, to her relief. She wanted to prepare herself for the discussion, other students would only be a distraction. It had become of great importance for the blonde to shine in class. She always was a little nerdy and overachieving, but now knowing all the things of Car- Ms. Karnstein and how smart she was, Laura wanted to impress her.  
  
The journalism student changed her spot at least 4 times before settling on a desk near the window in the first row. There were only two rows with 5 seats each in that room, made out for solely small groups as it seemed. Laura opened up the book they were supposed to read (they got the assignment per email in summer, in the same email that told them that Mr. Friedman wasn’t going to be holding the class anymore). She didn’t come too far though, because someone marched into the room, the door shutting behind them with a bang.  
  
„Jeez!“, Laura shouted and then froze as she saw who was inside the room now.  
  
„Oh, sorry… I didn’t know that someone was here… I uh, thought I could prepare for the class here…“, Carmilla said, as she put down some loose paperwork on her desk, the desk in the front, the desk on which the professor normally sits.  
  
„Yeah, same…“, the blonde caught her counterpart smiling.  
  
The brunette was leaning now half sitting on the desk, facing Laura. The student immediately regretted that she sat on the front row, she was too close to her professor, Carmilla’s scent was chasing her nostrils.  
  
„Did you like it?“, the teacher wanted to know.  
  
„Uh… Like what?“, could her counterpart read minds? How did she know that her scent was magnificent?  
  
„The book?“, Carmilla chuckled and went around the desk now to sit down on her chair.  
  
„Ohh! It was well written, but I don’t really relate to that.“  
  
„Why is that?“, the woman with dark hair wanted to know.  
  
„Um, because it is about a pedophile.“, the brunette smirked at Laura’s words.  
  
„Hmn, don’t always go for what is apparent, dig deeper.“  
  
Dig deeper? Laura was never one to read much into motifs, metaphors or subtext. She went with the hard facts, that was mainly the reason, why she took this seminar. It was so that she could learn those things, giving reading a broader take as the one she had, but now with Carmilla as her professor? She couldn’t embarrass herself in front of her. She just didn’t want to. She wanted to impress her.  
  
After her swooning stopped, she looked up to find the other woman deeply in thoughts as she was intently studying the sheets in front of her. The way Carmilla wrote down little notes with her left hand and the way she concentrated a little too hard on some words made Laura blush a little. She felt a little uneasy alone in a room with a woman, she could not have, but wanted to.  
  
Oh god, was LaF right? Was she really having a crush on her teacher?  
  
She was immediately interrupted in thoughts, when 3 students came in. She had seen them around campus before. They greeted her and Laura awkwardly smiled back. A guy sat behind her, the other two girls, who came in with him also sat down in the second row, but not next to the guy. The blonde went back to reading, she wanted to find a stupid motif or any subtext, how could there be subtext in a work about a pedophile? She had to impress Car- Ms. Karnstein…  
  
After a while the room was filled with people, leaving one chair empty, as it was a group of nine.  
At point 10:30 the professor got up from her desk and took a piece of chalk to write something down on the black board.

‚Prof. Carmilla Karnstein, Q: c.karnstein@silasuniversity.com‘  
  
„Welcome to our first session! I am professor Carmilla Karnstein, I will be taking over the classes of Dr. Friedman. If you have any questions regarding the works we discuss, or generally anything that has to do with this class, you can write me an email, but be sure to use your student-email-address, it will be easier for me to filter my inbox.“  
  
Oh god, she was so factual, it was a pure informative speech she was giving, but the way she had flipped her hair to the side, when pointing to the blackboard, and the way she smiled slightly at Laura, when their eyes met, it was magical. To be truthful, she locked her gaze with others too and smiled at them (that made her very sympathetic), but Laura imagined it not to be so intently as when she looked at her.  
  
„I believe, you already heard or read your first work already?“, the professor asked into the round. Everyone was nodding.  
  
„Good, let’s start, shall we? Who wants to summarize a little?“  
  
…  
  
Laura didn’t know how she had found herself in that situation, but she was now in a full discussion with one of her fellow colleagues. She was passionate about her point. The blonde loved reading, no question -she majored in journalism- but never had she felt that challenged. Carmilla knew exactly which questions to ask, in order to begin a healthy discussion. The journalism student realized how much thought there was involved behind the whole writing process, it was amazing to have a teacher who showed her all of that.  
  
„… Alright, I see, you got a point there. However, I would like you to elaborate on how the writer interacts with his words. There is a lot of messages hidden in every work… Interpretation is my favorite thing to do. So, let’s go with that…“  
  
No one was talking. So Ms. Karnstein pushed harder.  
  
„Alright, I’ll get you started: What’s the title character’s full name?“, she asked.  
  
„Dolores.“, Laura replied instantly.  
  
„What does dolor mean when you translate it from Latin?“  
  
„Uh…“, the blonde knew the answer, but someone else was faster.  
  
„It means pain, ache…“, a guy from the back shouted out.  
  
„Mhm, well, now go on…“, the professor encouraged, „What kind of intention goes with naming a character ‚pain‘?“  
  
„Well Lolita, erm Dolores is a child, who has to endure sexual abuse by her stepfather. So maybe the author put that in, subtly stressing her pain and agony she is in.“, Laura was again speaking.  
  
„Never begin with the obvious.“, Carmilla challenged her student now.  
  
„Well… But it is certainly not great having a stepdad that sexually abuses you.“, Laura didn’t want to seem dumb and without opinion. She knew however that her professor wanted to hear something else.  
  
„But is she really that averted from the idea? Didn’t she in a way use him too?“, the professor asked now into the room. No one was saying anything.  
  
„Okay, I’ll try to explain what I mean: Dolor, pain is one of the main symbols in Nabokov’s book. However it is not only representing Lolita’s pain, but also Humbert’s. See, when a person writes a story, he or she always has to be able to write from their character’s point of view. The writer has to have a broad understanding of his or her protagonist, has to know their motifs or better say, determine them. So let’s just try to see things from Humbert’s point of view: he knows that to society his needs are an abomination, it is a felony to want young girls as a grown man.“, the brunette was now locking eyes with Laura, „However the love he has for young girls is at first of pure heart. His childhood lover died, but as he grew up, he had the idea of her still fixated in his mind. He never forgets her, and so he craves people like her. And it is equally a kind of pain for him, as it is for Lolita to cope with him taking advantage of her.“, Carmilla was intently staring at her (favorite) student, before she went to the blackboard and wrote something down.  
  
‚Amare iuveni fructus est, crimen seni. - Publilius Syrus‘  
  
„Love is a victory for the young and a crime for the elderly.“, the professor translated.  
  
What Carmilla said, hit Laura hard. She found some analogies with her own fate, how she fancied her professor, that cool but yet super smart woman with a vastness in her eyes that she wanted to dive in so badly. Did the brunette say all of that on purpose? Why was she looking into her eyes, when she said those words? What did the secret glances mean? Was there subtext in there too?  
  
„I say, we call it quits for today, but before you all storm out, I would like for you to come forward and show me your student ID’s please and signing the attendance list.“, Carmilla said, now sitting at her desk again.  
  
Laura remained seated, half of the people were already gone, a rather tall guy was now standing beside the brunette teacher, and apparently waiting for something from her, as she was checking the other three student ID’s. When everyone had left, Laura fidgeted around in her college bag, as if she was looking for something, she wanted to be the last one out. She wanted to have a private moment -scratch that- word with Carmilla. The journalism student slowly rose from her chair, when the male student finally decided to go.  
  
„I will see, what I can do about that…“, was all Laura heard her professor say, before he made his way out.  
  
The fact that the blonde student was still in the seminar room didn’t go by unnoticed.  
  
„Still here, Ms. Hollis?“, oh god, how could anyone be so sexy? The door flew shut, leaving them alone in a 30 sqm room.  
  
„Uh, yeah, I just couldn’t find my ID, but I found it now…“, the student said with a faint blush, handing over the card.  
  
Ms. Karnstein checked the name, although she already knew that it was her real name, she checked the enrollment number, which also coincided with the given one on the list and the last one was the birth date. It said that Laura was born on the 9th of October, 1995. That would mean that the blonde’s birthday was on Friday. Carmilla’s expression changed into something undecipherable.  
  
„Something wrong?“, Laura tentatively asked.  
  
„No, no, I was just checking twice.“, the professor said, giving her student back the ID and handing her a pen after gesturing her, where on the list she had to sign.  
  
„You were really… Uh, well, I enjoyed this session very much. It is really easy to follow your trail of thoughts, it is easy to be drawn into your world, and what you think and it-“, Laura just then noticed that she was rambling again, so she stopped, „You did a good job.“  
  
„I have to thank you, I like critics.“  
  
„But that wasn’t critics.“, the blonde remarked.  
  
„Well, in a way it was. You just said that it was easy to get into my head.“  
  
„No, no, I didn’t mean-“, the brunette chuckled, now standing up from her chair, picking up all the loose sheets and putting them together. Laura felt like she was going to have a stroke from how beautiful her counterpart was.  
  
„Oh relax, Laura, I was just making a joke. Thanks for the compliment.“, she called her by her name, by her forename.  
  
The student watched every single movement the other person in the room was making. How elegant every motion was, how smooth her curly hair fell into her face and how delicate and slender the fingers were which combed through her hair. She had noticed earlier that the professor hadn’t straightened her hair this time, although either way this person was a goddess. What was happening to Laura? She was daydreaming about someone so unreachable, someone forbidden. It was going to be her little secret, she thought. The idea sounded exciting in her head. Carmilla amazed her, her professor truly amazed her with her knowledge and that sexy smile and- ABORT THOUGHTS.  
  
„Did you want to talk to me about anything else, Laura?“, the student felt like her counterpart was using her name in sentences on purpose. As if she was making up for all the times she had called her Ms. Hollis during class.  
  
„No, professor Karnstein. Thanks again, have a nice day!“, with that the blonde ran off. Professor Karnstein? Was she serious? Although she did pronunciate the name correctly (she looked it up in Google the night before). She had to impress her with something.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla came home later than she expected, due to a little party some faculty members were throwing her. She was kind of touched that they came up with that, but actually she didn’t want to attach to the university that much. Having no or only short encounters with her colleagues would help her to keep it that way, but this time it was an exception. They ate cake, drank some non-alcoholic champagne and just talked about school stuff.  
  
The moment she lay down on her couch, the events from the day came to her mind. How she had tried to encourage Laura to get out of her comfort zone a bit, she loved the way the blonde’s eyes were glimmering, when she felt challenged. The looks they cast at each other were straddling, but she somehow managed not to be drawn in too much. Carmilla had even enjoyed it, when the student had called her professor.  
  
What was she doing? She was her teacher for god’s sake! She wasn’t allowed to get involved in this.  
  
Carmilla covered her head with a pillow and groaned. She was not hers to take. Laura was still a teenager and she was 24. Okay, the blonde was going to be 20 in two days, but still it was an age difference of 4,5 years. She thought about it intently, before deciding that this reason was ridiculous. If she had been any girl that she had met on the streets, she would have gone for it. Of course she had to play it cool when she was teaching, at least she tried most of the time. She tried to be professional.  
  
_„Karnstein, you need to back off…“_  
  
…  
  
On Thursdays Laura usually would be sitting in the library and prepare for whatever course she had in the afternoon, but the new dorm, which the blonde lived in was right beside the Department of Investigative Journalism and it’s big archive (which pretty much was the next best thing to a library), so she decided to study there instead. It was better anyways, because of the proximity and the lack of other students. The department was only open to those who studied law, journalism and public relation affiliated subjects.  
  
The hall was big, it was similar to a library, with archives of newspapers and journals. The student wandered past some heavy shelves and student desks, when she found the perfect spot: It was a rather hidden area, in the section of human resources development.  
  
Laura put her bag on a chair and let herself fall into the one next to it. After a short observation of her surroundings, she finally decided to get out her textbook for her course on print journalism. Her thoughts trailed off to the plans she had in the evening. She was going out with her two best friends, celebrating her birthday. The student sighed a little. She’d be one year older, but apparently not much wiser.  
  
„You just can’t go a day without me, huh?“, Carmilla smiled down to Laura, whose eyes widened by the sight.  
  
There she was, her professor, wearing a navy blue trouser suit with a white blouse underneath it, looking dashing as always.  
  
„Oh, Ms. Karnstein. What are _you_ doing _here_?“  
  
„This is the department with the fastest internet connection, and I need to research for some things. And my office is right around the corner.“  
  
„I know where your office is, Ms. Karnstein.“, the blonde could have smacked herself for those words, because that seemed a bit stalkerish. Laura started to feel a little uneasy. When she was around that woman, she made her say the most awkward things. It was, as if her brains would stop working when she was around.  
  
„You can call me Carmilla, when we are not in class.“, the brunette said with a smile, knowing that that was very inappropriate, but as much as she liked being called Ms. Karnstein by the student, she wanted a certain familiarity between them. When Laura called her Miss, it made her feel like they were strangers.  
  
„Right.“, the blonde lowered her gaze to her textbook. She felt a little uncomfortable. She didn’t want to look into her counterpart’s eyes, knowing that she could be drawn into them too easily.  
  
„Well, um, I’ll see you then.“, the professor was ready to leave, a little surprised by the cold shoulder her student was giving her.  
  
„It will be inevitable, I fear.“, Laura wanted to seem inapproachable for once, cool and distanced, but ‚fear‘? That sounded too harsh, but before she could correct herself, the other one was gone.  
  
Carmilla didn’t know what she had done wrong, but didn’t want to question it any further. She didn’t come to the archive for a chat with her student anyways, she was there to look something up, so she went straight to an available computer and started her work.  
  
However Laura’s behavior didn’t leave her mind.  
  
…  
  
Laura’s pre birthday bash was in a local restaurant, only 5 minutes away from campus. The wicked threesome were already finished with their food. Laura was now opening the presents. Perry had made her tons of chocolate chip cookies with a little notepad inside the box they were in, which read, ‚Whenever you need cookies, I’m your (wo)man. This is a coupon for a lifelong supply of cookies.‘.  
  
The blonde didn’t like anything as much as Perry’s cookies, so the redhead figured that would make her more happy than a birthday cake. LaFontaine on the other hand handed over something inedible. Laura’s eyes widened, after she unwrapped the gift. It was a framed poster with Dr. Who and the Tardis in stencil.  
  
„Oh my gosh, you guys, that’s so cool, both of you guys are so sweet!“, Laura exclaimed, „And god, Perry, your cookies are so mhmmm.“, and down one went.  
  
„So you like it?“, LaF wanted to know.  
  
„Yeah, I like it very much!“  
  
„Consider it as a housewarming gift, even though I haven’t really seen your place yet.“  
  
„Ugh, yeah, I still have to organize some stuff, before I can have people over.“  
  
„Yeah, no worries.“

  
  
After desserts (Laura ate about 8 cookies) the friends got up and went their separate ways, each of them heading to a different house. The journalism student walked past a tall building, right next to the archive and saw lights on in the part of the building, where she knew Carmilla’s office was. _Was she still working?_ Laura checked her watch, it was 10:39 PM. All of her senses told her that she should ignore it, but she simply couldn’t. Her legs took her to the entrance of the big building, up the stairs to the first floor and stopped only before a wooden door.  
  
‚Ass.-Prof. Ph.D M.A. Carmilla Karnstein‘  
  
Laura read the words over and over again. Carmilla had a PhD at the age of 24. The student knew it was required to teach at a university, but still seeing it for real now made her shiver a little. That person couldn’t be human. She wondered if someone so smart like her did have a private life, but then thought back to the evening they met, she told her she liked to party. How could she be smart, good-looking and still a badass all at the same time?  
  
She knocked on the door and waited a moment, before slipping in.  
  
Carmilla was concentrating on something on her laptop and didn’t even notice the student at first.  
  
„Uh, hi.“, the blonde greeted. The brunette looked up from her work, slightly shocked to see Laura.  
  
„Hi there... What are you doing here?“  
  
„I was on my way home, when I saw your lights on…“  
  
„On your way home? Shouldn’t you be celebrating into your birthday with your friends?“  
  
„Uh, I just came back from celebrating… How do you know about my birthday?“  
  
„I saw it on your ID yesterday.“  
  
„Oh…“, Laura was a little surprised that she had noticed it or that she still knew.  
  
„Have a seat, if you want.“, Carmilla offered, „My office is still not very well lived in, sorry for the mess.“  
  
„Don’t worry about it, my room almost looks the same.“, Laura said, while taking a seat. The office was rather small, with only a desk in the middle and two little cupboards on the left side of the room.  
  
„What kind of party ends at 11?“, the professor asked, after her student had taken a seat.  
  
„Oh, we all have class tomorrow, and LaF has an important test, so we decided to call it a night. It is no big deal actually, I don’t like my birthday that much anyways…“, Laura got quieter with every word she uttered. Her opponent caught up to something, not daring to ask what it was about, she instead had an idea. The brunette closed the lid of her laptop and looked to one of the cupboards to her right.  
  
Check of the time: It was **11:07**.  
  
Carmilla suddenly got up and got her keys from the blazer that was draped over her chair. After finding the right one, she rushed over to one of the cupboards and unlocked it. Laura saw, how she suddenly held up a bottle of ludicrously expensive champagne.  
  
„Come on.“, the brunette said, motioning towards the door, with her blazer over her arm and the bubbly water in her hand.  
  
„Where are we going?“, the student asked, whilst picking up the bag, her presents were in and walking out the door.  
  
„You’ll see soon enough.“, Carmilla smiled, as she locked her office.  
  
Both of them went down a narrow corridor, before the dark haired woman came to a halt.  
  
„We’ll take the elevator.“, Carmilla said.  
  
„But the elevators are only for faculty members…“, Laura said a little terrified, the brunette looked at her with amusement.  
  
„And what am _I_?“  
  
„Uh, yeah right.“, the student forgot for a second, because spending the night with one of your professors is not really a thing.  
  
When they got into the elevator, Carmilla used her key to a floor Laura was sure she never has been to.  
  
„Jeez, Carm, where are we going?“, the blonde asked again.  
  
She didn’t get a reply though, only a smirk. It felt like the first time they had met, before the student-teacher thing came up. Laura called the dark haired woman ‚Carm‘ and Carmilla was doing something spontaneous again.

Ping. The doors of the elevators slid open.

Laura's eyes widened.  
  
„What the…?“


	4. Stargazing, Honesty And Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla enjoy the view of the campus beneath them.  
> Both talk about some personal stuff.  
> Misunderstandings are a bitch.

Laura and Carmilla were on a roof, where they could see all over the campus.  
  
„Come on, don’t just stand there!“, the brunette exclaimed, the other girl followed her to the edge of the roof, resting her gift bag on the floor.  
  
Carmilla sat down, with her legs hanging down, patting the space beside her, to gesture her counterpart she should join her. She put the bottle of champagne aside, remembering the fact that she didn’t have flutes or any glasses for that matter to drink out of -but that shouldn’t be a big deal, she thought.  
  
„Do you come here often?“, Laura broke the silence between them.  
  
„I did, yeah. It was slightly harder back then, when I didn’t have a key and all… But stealing it from my mother was another kind of fun.“, the older woman smiled a little.  
  
„It’s unnaturally warm today for October.“  
  
„Yeah.“  
  
They both fell in an awkward silence again. Laura let her gaze wander through the well lit premises of her university.

How did she always find herself in this kind of situations? She was really spending time on a roof (where she had no right to be) with her professor (who she should not be with).  
  
„Can I ask you something?“, the blonde slowly started a conversation again.  
  
„Hmn?“, they were facing eachother.  
  
„How come your life is so perfect? How do you manage all of that?“  
  
„What makes you think that my life is perfect?“, Carmilla was taken aback by the question.  
  
„Your family is wealthy, you have Ivy-League degrees, you have a prestigious job… You have everything you need… You are super smart and fun at the same time….“, Laura had a fake suspicious look on her face, „Are you a robot…?“  
  
„Laura, my family may be wealthy, but I wasn’t handed everything -which partly I am grateful for- it made me the person I am today, but sometimes when I look through all of that, I have doubts. I have doubts of whether or not it was the right decision that I attended university for so long. For my Ph.D programme I did have a full scholarship, but by the time I got that far, I already owed the bank couple of hundred grands… Still owe it to them actually.“  
  
Carmilla was a little uncomfortable to talk about her finances with someone she had just met some days ago, but she hated it, when people just assumed that she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.  
  
„Oh, I had no idea…“, Laura looked apologetically, „But, I mean aside from the money issue, you still have achieved so much, and you have only started to teach… It will be so much better, when you have habilitated!“  
  
„Yeah, I don’t know… I will probably only stick around until I have that damn professorship.“  
  
„What do you mean?“, the blonde wanted to know, but Carmilla didn’t answer that question.  
  
„I just think that life isn’t worth living, if you don’t know your purpose in the world or can’t pursue your dreams. You can have all the degrees and all the money in the world, but it won’t give you any satisfaction. It won’t make you truly happy.“  
  
„Are you unhappy?“  
  
„No, but I could be happier.“  
  
Carmilla didn’t expect a serious talk, when she brought Laura to her secret hideaway-spot. After the little incident in the archives, the professor thought that they lost their familiarity, but now with the blonde asking her personal questions, it became evident to her, that she didn’t imagine it. There was a mutual compound. They had a connection. They just clicked, but they weren’t ought to. With every passing moment she felt like there was something inside her, telling that she should run, before she really does something wrong, before the wrong feelings emerge to the surface. She needed a smoke.  
  
Laura too didn’t expect their conversation to take this turn either, she had never seen Carmilla not be cocky about things or making jokes. Even if she only knew her for a few days now, she could tell that her eyes were sad, and empty. She could tell that there was something beyond that vastness, something kept deep inside.  
  
Again some moments of silence passed them. The brunette crammed in her blazer pocket and a pack of cigarettes showed. The blonde eyed her every move, how the dark haired woman took one out and put it inbetween her lips.  
  
„Oi, don’t do that.“, Laura whispered, taking the cigarette out of her mouth and throwing it away. Carmilla didn’t complain, but she sighed.  
  
„Why are _you_ not happy?“, the dark haired woman asked now, putting the pack of cigarettes aside, where the champagne bottle was resting.  
  
„Who said I wasn’t happy?“, Laura felt like her heart was in her boots.  
  
„Don’t know, you just don’t seem to be.“  
  
„And you know me long enough to say things like that?“, Laura raised an eyebrow, she was now fully facing Carmilla, hugging her knees, as she was sitting on the rather cold stone.  
  
The brunette turned now too, facing the other girl cross-legged, with her hands in front of her. She remained quiet for a while before looking into those honey-brown eyes.  
  
„It’s odd to say so, but yes. I do think I know you enough to say things like that. Plus: I know one or two things about sadness.“  
  
„That’s bullshit, you can’t know everything!“, Laura didn’t know, where the sudden rage came from.  
  
„I never said that I am all-knowing.“  
  
„No, but you sure think that you are so uber-smart with all your Ivy-League-experiences and your degrees-“  
  
„Laura, relax.“, Carmilla felt a little attacked, but remained surprisingly calm about the other one insulting her, because she knew that it wasn’t really against her.  
  
The journalism student couldn’t hold back her tears anymore, even though she was fighting them. She knew that her counterpart was right, she wasn’t doing alright. She never was doing alright around the 9th of October. When the brunette realized that the other girl was crying, she immediately acted on it, without even thinking, she pulled the blonde in a hug with her right arm on her shoulders and her left hand on Laura’s waist. Laura was sobbing. She definitely overstepped, Carmilla thought. She shouldn’t be doing this with her student, but she only comforted her, right?  
  
„Hey… I am sorry, if I said something wrong, I didn’t mean to…“, Carmilla was stroking the other girl’s back. She could smell Laura’s hair. Her left hand reached up to straighten out some loose strands. They were in this position for a long time, until the blonde pulled back a little.  
  
„My mom died on my 12th birthday.“, Laura’s hands remained on Carmilla’s crossed legs, so the brunette took them into hers.  
  
„I’m sorry for that.“  
  
„It was lung cancer. She was a heavy smoker.“, the blonde eyed the cigarette pack on the ground that belonged to the girl opposing her, „She’d smoke 2 of those packs a day for years, and then the diagnose came: Pulmonary carcinoma. They couldn’t operate on her. When they found out, what it was, it was too late. She was on palliative drugs for some months, and on my 12th birthday I was supposed to visit her, I didn’t like spending time in the clinic, but I loved spending time with her. A call came, right before my dad and I were getting ready to drive there, saying she had lost the battle.“  
  
Carmilla felt so sorry for the blonde. She had a similar experience, her father died not so long ago, but she never liked talking about it. She definitely didn’t want Laura to suffer, it made her heart ache. Carmilla looked over to where the cigarette pack rested against the champagne bottle and in a quick motion she took it, and threw it away. It landed somewhere in the middle of the campus. This took Laura by surprise.  
  
„What was that all about?“  
  
„I don’t know, this seemed appropriate and tragic, no?“  
  
„You still don’t fail to surprise me.“, the student laughed.  
  
„There’s it is… That smile of yours.“, Carmilla couldn’t help but join the laughter. The girl who it was addressed to felt a faint blush creep up her cheeks. She had subtly complimented her smile. The blonde was so helplessly pining over that human, that it wasn’t even fun anymore.  
  
Why did it have to be so hard? Why wasn’t she just a student of Silas? Why did she have to be her teacher?  
  
„Oh gosh, it’s past 12!“, the older woman exclaimed, when she checked her watch.  
  
„And now?“, the blonde asked slightly out of thoughts.  
  
„You make your birthday wish.“  
  
Laura smiled at the other woman and closed her eyes. There was only one wish she thought of, even though she feared a little that it would never come true. However she also knew exactly that she would have to do something for it, if she really wanted it to be true. She was going to confront her professor, about the thing that was going on between them.  
  
Which normal student-teacher relationship was like theirs? Laura was pretty certain that Carmilla felt something too, or why else would she take her to the roof? Why would she even care about her birthday?  
  
The brunette watched her opponent, she was adorable, she seemed to think about her wish intently. When the blonde opened her eyes again, she caught Carmilla staring at her.  
  
„What is it?“  
  
„Happy birthday, Laura. May all of your wishes come true.“  
  
Carmilla slowly let herself fall on to the back (after reluctantly letting go of the student’s hands), only to earn a confused stare, but Laura didn’t really question it, instead she also sank down to the floor, with the dark haired beauty beside her.  
  
„What are we doing?“, Laura wanted to know.  
  
„Gazing at the stars… It’s comforting, knowing there is a vast universe out there, it makes me sometimes feel so small in comparison. The lives we lead are nothing to that light that's been watching hundreds and thousands of lead lives.“  
  
Silence.  
  
„Can I ask you a question?“, the blonde now tilted her head up a little, resting it on one arm and faced the other person.  
  
„Again?“, Carmilla chuckled, also propping up on one arm. They were studying each others features for a while.  
  
„If you weren’t at Silas… And I wasn’t a student of yours… And we had met on other terms-“  
  
„Laura, where are you going with this?“, Carmilla sighed, as if the other topics weren’t personal enough, this definitely wasn’t a topic she wanted to talk about or should for that matter. That’s why she avoided it the whole time, trying to not even think about it too much (in vain of course).  
  
„I just want to know if there is someth-“  
  
„Please don’t take it there…“  
  
It was one thing to toy with the idea, but Carmilla was pretty sure that once she’d spoken out the truth about how she wanted to kiss Laura since the first time she’d ever seen her, it would be much harder. Not only for her, but for the other one too. She would be too tempted to go farther than this professional relationship they had, if you could call it that. It didn’t go unnoticed by her that the blonde was in a way interested in her too and now Laura’s question had killed all her doubts about it, but she couldn’t do it, there was no way that this was going to happen, even if that meant lying.  
  
„Is there nothing?“, Laura prepped herself up to a sitting position, looking down with pleading eyes.  
  
„Laura…“  
  
„Did I imagine all of that?“  
  
Carmilla didn’t know, how it had gotten so far. It was her own fault, she brought her to that place, she was the one with the idea to be alone with her. Why couldn’t she have gone home like on other days? Why did Laura have to come to her office? She lowered her gaze, not being able to say anything.  
  
„I’ll take the silence as your answer then.“, the blonde got up, took all of her belongings and ran to the elevator.  
  
Carmilla got up too, but knew that she wouldn’t do any good, if she were to hop right in the lift with her student, so she waited for a while. Alone, in the dark, with stars shining her way. Suddenly it wasn’t comforting at all anymore.  
  
_„How did things get so out of hand?“_ , the brunette talked to the sky, as if there was someone listening.  
  
…  
  
Laura crawled into her bed, the moment she walked into her room. She had cried the way to her dorm, all of the previous events had shaken her up a bit. Did she really imagine it all? Maybe the professor was the flirtatious type and she had read too much into that.  
  
The student didn’t even know why she was crying anymore. Was it the talk about her mother or was it the thought of screwing up everything in just one night with her professor? Why couldn’t she have stayed quiet? She didn’t even feel angry towards Carmilla, after all it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t like Laura back. Why would she even? She was smart, charismatic, good-looking and very professional, very much unlike herself. She was a teacher for god’s sakes, why did Laura even expect that she’d feel something for one of her students?  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
Laura looked at the clock, which said it was way past midnight. Who would come by so late? She thought about LaFontaine, who was the only one of her friends to know where she lived exactly. The student slowly opened the door and was very surprised, when she recognized her visitor.  
  
„Danny?“, great, as if the day wasn’t going bad enough.  
  
„Hey Laura… Are you alright?“, the tall girl asked concerned, she saw the redness of the blonde's face, who stepped out of her room. Laura closed the door behind her, not feeling comfortable enough to show her ex-girlfriend her mess.  
  
„Yeah, it’s nothing… How’d you know where to find me?“  
  
„LaF told me.“  
  
„Oh my god, I am so going to kill them…“  
  
„No, please, I didn’t come here to cause any trouble, LaF did it reluctantly… I just really wanted to see you. We didn’t have the proper time to talk yet about everything…“  
  
„And you choose this would be the right time for it?“  
  
„I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday.“, the tall girl whispered.  
  
„Well, you are a little too late for that.“  
  
„Oh… But still, I uh, I got you a present.“, Danny held up a little gift bag.  
  
Laura grudgingly took out the present out of the bag, eyeing it carefully. It was a tin can, which looked like a Tardis.  
  
„Why does everyone gift me ‚Dr. Who‘ themed things?“, the blonde asked.  
  
„Oh, I am sorry you don’t like it… I just thought-“, Danny looked down.  
  
„No, it’s great, it matches my mug and my poster… I just…“  
  
Laura realized that she was being unreasonably mean to her counterpart. Sure, the tall student had cheated on her, but if she was honest, it didn’t bother her that much anymore. She was over the relationship and being an ass, when Danny did such a sweet thing, was not fair. They meant a lot to each other once, she still very much cared about the other girl.  
  
„Danny, thank you, that was really sweet of you to think of me.“  
  
„Sure thing, Laura.“  
  
„And about ‚the talk‘. I don’t really want to relive all of that again, that’s why I don’t like to talk about it, and that’s the reason I ran away every time you tried, and I am sorry for that…“  
  
„I know, Laura, it is my fault, I am so, so sor-“, Laura stopped Danny from continuing to apologize.  
  
„Yeah, you’ve said it already a few times… I’m over it, really…“

„Over it?“

„Yeah, I am sick of being mad. I am not mad anymore.“

„Really?“

„Yes, really.“, the journalism student assured her counterpart.  
  
„Can we hug or something?“, the redhead asked awkwardly.  
  
„Sure.“, the blonde did as she was asked and it didn’t feel out of the place.  
  
Laura remembered the good things about her ex-girlfriend. She remembered them being really good friends, before they were dating.  
  
„You know that I still care about you right?“, Laura said, when pulling out of the hug.  
  
„I care about you too.“, Danny smiled.  
  
„And because I care, I think you should head home now, it’s pretty late.“  
  
„Yeah you are probably right. Good night Laura… And happy birthday again!“, the tall redhead smiled, before stepping away into the darkness of the staircase.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was sitting in her office, she couldn’t believe what had happened just a few moments ago. Laura practically admitted that she started to develop feelings for her. They hardly even knew each other, but the brunette felt the connection too.  
  
The professor gazed at the champagne bottle, which was untouched, sitting on her desk now. She even forgot that part. She groaned in frustration, checking her clock, 12:23. She wondered, if Laura had already gotten into bed. No, she could not be thinking of her anymore. She had made a choice and was pretty sure, she couldn’t change it anymore. Not after she’d seen the disappointment on Laura’s face.  
  
Carmilla came to a realization: she’d hurt Laura. The one thing that she didn’t want to do. She knew she had to at least apologize to her. She didn’t even think what to say, she just went for it. The brunette rushed out of her office, into the night, only a few steps to the KFH, where the blonde resided.  
  
Carmilla slowered her pace, when she heard voices from the floor Laura lived in. She was cautious, because no one could see her here. She leaned over a corner to see, who it was, when she recognized the tall person. Laura was outside of her room, still in the clothes from just a few moments ago. They hugged.  
  
„You know that I still care about you right?“, Laura said, Carmilla’s heart ached, when she heard those words. Were they back together?  
  
„I care about you too.“  
  
The professor rushed out of the building, before any of them could see her.  
  
She had messed up. She listened to her head once and now all of it was gone. How could all of this be gone so quickly?  
  
…  
  
Carmilla didn’t sleep much the previous night. She felt terrible about the incident of the past night. Her only consolation was that she would see Laura still, although she didn’t know if that would help.  
  
When she held her lecture that morning, she couldn’t spot the blonde, which was not that much of a shocker, given the fact that 450 people where in the hall. After a short break, she had to go to her seminar room, where she knew, she would meet Laura eventually. She tried to shake off the memory of the previous night, as she entered. She was running a little late (normally punctuality was her highest priority).  
  
Carmilla opened the door to the room, her eyes shot to the desk, where Laura was sitting 2 days ago, but she couldn’t find her there. Instead the blonde was sitting in the second row with her head hung low, never meeting the professor’s eyes. The blonde student remained like that for the two academic hours they were in the room. Laura was quiet the whole time they discussed their new book.  
  
„Alright, your assignment for Wednesday is to read the book until chapter 8. You are free to go, I am not checking your ID’s today, you may sign the attendance list without a check. I think it would be ridiculous, if I was not able to memorize 9 faces. And guys, don't forget to fill out those evaluation papers, it's due on December 15, but I'd rather have them sooner than later, because the head of the board is really strict, when it comes to these things.“, Carmilla said, knowing that she would never forget at least one face in that room.  
  
Laura was the first one to get up, she even was holding her own pen, so that the encounter between her and her teacher would be as short as possible. Carmilla was completely fine with it. She knew that it was going to be a hell of a semester.  
  
The journalism student decided to only concentrate on her studies. She swore to herself not to get distracted by the horrors of love or crushes. Somehow the blonde pitied herself, how did it come to this mess? Wasn't she supposed to be the model student?  
  
That day didn’t go well for both of them.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla didn’t know why on earth she had agreed to this, but her mother insisted on meeting outside of ‚work‘ at least once a month and catching up, like a ‚normal‘ family would do. Renata had made reservations in a fancy restaurant a little more in the center of the city.  
  
When Carmilla arrived at her destination, a valet was already awaiting for her to get out of the car and doing his job. She hated that kind of service, she’d much rather park her own car.  
  
„Darling, there you are!“, a voice from behind Carmilla frightened her half to death.  
  
„Jeez, mother. Don’t scare me like that!“, Renata way eyeballing her daughter and smiled.  
  
„It is indeed good to see you outside of working hours. Shall we get in?“  
  
Carmilla had been in the restaurant once or twice, its owner was French. She liked European food very much, although she once almost vomited while trying escargot. The younger woman decided not to eat snails that evening again.  
  
„So tell me, Carmilla, how was your first week at Silas?“, Renata asked, after they had ordered a glass of wine.  
  
„Oh, it was fine and uneventful.“, the brunette answered, whilst shifting through the menu.  
  
„Did you already meet nice people?“  
  
„Uh? My students are nice and uh-“  
  
„No, silly! I meant interesting people that you would want to get romantically involved with.“, at that sentence Carmilla almost spilled her wine on her white top. She could contain it though.  
  
„Excuse me?“  
  
„See, you are not 16 anymore. Life has changed, I let you fool around in the States. God knows, what you did there. Now you’ve come back home, things have changed. I met your father at your age. I think you should get settled.“  
  
Of all the subjects she could have picked, her mother decided to go with the one, Carmilla was most uncomfortable with. Not only because of the fact that the she really didn't feel like talking about her love life, but because her mother never had accepted who she was.  
  
„I’d rather not talk about that.“  
  
„Why not?“  
  
„Because first of all, it is none of your business, like you said, I am 24 and second of all, you would not want to hear about my love life, as you would not approve of it anyways.“, the daughter snapped.  
  
The fun thing was, if she were to refer to Laura, there were two things her mother would not approve of: Laura was female and Laura was her student. Carmilla laughed in her head about it, before reminding herself that the train had left that station anyways.  
  
„Are you still not done with _that_?“, Renata asked, adding a little volume to her voice.  
  
„Done with _that_?!“, the brunette was slowly getting really upset/mad and wanted to shout at her counterpart.  
  
Luckily the waiter came by to take the orders and Carmilla felt like she was saved by the bell. She let him know her choice, telling him that she liked her steak rare. She always was down for a good old bloody steak.  
  
„Let’s carry on our conversation to a slightly less upsetting topic…“, the mother offered.  
  
„Gladly.“  
  
„Do you remember going to SU’s annual winter charity dances?“

„I do, yes.“

„Well, we sent out the invitations for this year's today.“, Renata said proudly, as it was one of her ‚babies‘. It was a smart move though, it was good publicity for the school and its sponsor.  
  
„Yeah, but isn’t that in February?“  
  
„It is in November, dear. And I would like for you to come.“  
  
„Let’s just scratch me from your guest list. I don't think I will want to go this time.“, as Carmilla said this, the waiter arrived, setting up the table, so that the food could be served properly.  
  
„Maybe you will change your mind. It would be great if you did.“  
  
„I doubt that I will.“

„I am still saving you a ticket.“  
  
…  
  
Several days had passed, Laura did occasionally see her teacher on campus. Carmilla’s office being so close to the Department of Investigative Journalism and her dorm wasn’t helping them to avoid each other. Also the fact that they were jammed together in a tiny room with 8 other people twice a week didn’t help.  
  
In class it had become less achy for the professor to see the blonde not participating at all. She actually was very fond of a certain Robert Danson, who sat in the first row and was always challenging his teacher. That was the most fun part of the job, she thought. She liked to be questioned. She actually liked it, if someone thought they knew better than her.

 

  
So it happens that one Friday (exactly 3 weeks had passed since the birthday-incident) Laura and LaF were enjoying some last rays of sun at the campus outside.  
  
„What’s so funny?“, the blonde asked her counterpart, who was smiling at their phone.  
  
„My lab partner just sent me some pictures of him cutting up some brains, look-“  
  
„No thanks, LaF, you know I love you and what you will be doing for the mankind is admirable, but I’d rather not look at _that_ …“  
  
„Silly, it’s not real brains, I mean we did that too once or twice… What I meant is, it’s fake brains made of Jello, he’s preparing for halloween. That’s wicked.“  
  
When LaFontaine showed Laura the picture, she just looked at them in amusement.  
  
„What are you doing on halloween?“, the journalism student asked.

„There is a party at the Zeta house. Wanna come too?“

„Hmnnn going to a party with frat boys? Don't know about that.“, Laura saw the sudden mood change on LaF’s face, „What is it? What’s wrong?“

„Professor sexy over there.“

Laura followed the mad scientist's gaze. Carmilla, not in far distance, was sitting on a bench talking to a fellow student and sometimes laughing along with him. The brunette handed him a letter or a note and he vanished into the distance.  
  
„Oh isn’t she just a students’ darling?“, Laura let out rather bitterly. She had spent days trying to erase any feelings she had towards her teacher, to all emerge up? Just because she saw her with that guy?  
  
She would confront her teacher now. She wanted her to know exactly what she had done to her. How she'd felt for several days.  
  
„L., I think you should loosen up a bit. That crush of yours is really making you-“, LaF was too late, Laura already was up and walking towards the dark haired beauty.  
  
_Clearing of a throat._  
  
Carmilla didn’t look up, but from the periphery of her eyesight she had seen the blonde approaching her.  
  
„Anything I can help you with _Ms. Hollis_?“  
  
„Oh don’t Ms. Hollis me!“, Laura hissed. That got the brunette’s attention, because now she was looking up.  
  
„Beg your pardon?“, Carmillas eyes were boring into the student’s soul, it was too much for her to take in. She didn’t know what she wanted to say, before walking over, so she just said what came to her mind.  
  
„Getting up the hopes of students again, are we?“, Laura blurted out.  
  
„What?“, the professor remained seated, confused because of the girl in front of her.  
  
„Making heart eyes at them, that’s a game you like to play, right? You flirt with the students, just because evaluation is right around the corner and you want them to grade you well, so you twist them around your little finger huh? Just like you did with me?“  
  
Laura had no idea how she came up with this, but as she was talking, it seemed like a pretty good explanation to what the professor was doing.  
  
„Laura, what the-“  
  
„You also told me that you were gay, because you knew I was gay, isn’t that right? Oh look at gay Laura, I am gonna throw some seduction eyes at her, that's what you did isn't it?“  
  
That was too much, Laura’d overstepped, because now Carmilla was suddenly standing. Very close to tears.  
  
„And _there_ is my reason, why _I should never date you_.“, the teacher whispered, barely for Laura to understand, but oh, she did understand and she did hear the hurt in that voice.  
  
Carmilla couldn’t believe, what Laura had accused her of. She actually also couldn’t comprehend, why the blonde was still so consumed with that. Did she not make up with Danny? All the professor could think of was how she had slapped her face with the words she uttered. How dare she say that she’d try to take advantage of her, when all she did 3 weeks ago was to protect her? The only thing she hadn't done was taking advantage of her.  
  
  
  
„Laura…“, LaFontaine had seen the scene from distance. They had watched Carmilla rush away and their friend was standing on the spot for 5 minutes and didn’t move, so they went to see, if everything was okay.  
  
„I’m such an idiot, LaF…“  
  
„Care to tell me what happened?“  
  
„I turned into a crazy lunatic, that’s what happened.“, Laura said with a sigh.  
  
The journalism student knew, that she had to apologize to the teacher. She decided to do it soon.


	5. Rants About George Orwell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura apologizes to Carmilla.  
> They both have to talk about stuff, after an incident.  
> LaF is apparently a great George Weasley.  
> Friendly things are going to happen.  
> 1984 is a hell of a book.

Carmilla was sitting in her office, organizing her desk (she finally managed to make the tiny room somewhat cozy). She had hung up two paintings and had some small decoration elements scattered around the place. That was about as ‚nice‘ this place would get.  
  
A faint knock appeared on the door.  
  
„Come in!“, the brunette exclaimed, expecting it to be her colleague, she requested some files from. She didn't look up.  
  
„Wow, your office has changed since the last time I've been in here.“, Laura said, smiling awkwardly, as she closed the door behind her. Her counterpart froze and there was something undecipherable behind those dark eyes. They were darker than usual, radiating anger or was it hate? The blonde gulped.  
  
„Came in here to insult me a little more?“, Carmilla’s voice was cold. The student had never seen her like that.  
  
„No… I came here to apologize to you.“, Laura said with a hint of trepidation.  
  
„Apologize for what exactly? Accusing me of faking to be gay or just generally accusing me of taking advantage of my students? Because my mother does a fairly good job on the first part.“  
  
„What I said earlier, I know I crossed a line…“, the student began, as the teacher rose up from her chair, slowly walked in front of her desk, crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned on the edge of her desk. She was very aloof and defensive.  
  
„I apologize for everything I said.“, Laura sounded defeated, „I didn’t mean any of that. I think it’s just… I have had a really bad couple of weeks and I blamed it all on you, but it’s just me. It’s me, who can’t handle with… Handle with rejection I guess and I am sorry that I took it out on you today. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.“  
  
„I don’t even understand how you could’ve said those things, or where it came from. I’ve tried to be so fair and understanding about all of it. I’ve even accepted the fact that you don’t interact with me in my class. You know, thinking about it twice, it makes me realize that I actually have not been fair to my other students. You are the one that gets away with not saying anything at all in class. I could easily fail you, if I wanted to.“, Laura’s heart broke, when she heard the hurt in Carmilla’s voice.  
  
„I know… It’s just since my birthday I’ve been drawn back and forth. I understand that you don’t have the same feelings towards me an-“  
  
„Do you still have those feelings for me?“, the brunette wanted to know, not really believing, what she was told.  
  
„I, uh- you can’t just shut off feelings, I know it will affect our professional relationship, but I am working on that. I promise, I won’t go all crazy again. I just have to get rid of them, maybe I will wake up tomorrow and they will be gone!“, the blonde offered with a half-smile.  
  
Carmilla’s heart ached a little at those words. She didn’t understand. Wasn’t Laura seeing Danny? Didn’t they make up?  
  
„Does this mean you aren’t seeing anyone?“, this question didn’t make sense to the student.  
  
Why would she want to know that? In what context would she even care? How did she even come up with this idea?  
  
„Uh, no I usually don’t go to the gay-girls-supermarket and find myself some hot girls. Maybe it works for you that way, but I am much too awkward and not exactly what you would call a ladykiller. Why did you assume that?“  
  
It was interesting how conversations with Carmilla could turn in so many different directions.  
  
„I saw you with Danny on your birthday, and I just thought…“  
  
Laura tried to put together the pieces. What and when could she have seen them? And then she remembered. Her ex-girlfriend had visited her to apologize and give her a birthday present.  
  
„You mean, right after you told me ever so elegantly that I should pine over someone else? No… Wait a minute, actually, you didn’t say anything at all.“  
  
Carmilla remained silent, now gazing at the floor.  
  
„Wait, but why did you come to see me?“, Laura wanted to know suddenly, coming a step closer, crouching a little, so that the professor would finally lift her head again to meet her eyes. They were now too close.  
  
The brunette looked up, meeting honey-colored irises. They were expecting an answer, which Carmilla couldn’t deliver in words. Too many feelings cursed around her, so instead of actually saying something, she acted on them.  
  
Her left hand reached up and touched her counterpart’s dark blonde hair. Carmilla lowered her gaze at the loose curls and stared intently as if she would search her answers in them, twisting the hair gently between her fingers. Laura’s heart beat faster, her breathing picking up on speed too as her faster pumping heart needed more oxygen. Carmilla noticed this, so she then dared to look into her opponents’ eyes.  
  
The thought of kissing that girl has been in her head ever since the last time they were so close, but just as she decided that for once she should be following her heart, the moment was ruined.  
  
Someone knocked on the door, causing for Laura to flinch away and take back several steps and Carmilla to stand straight, clearing her throat.  
  
„Carmilla, I got you requested files on the-“, a man, probably in his early thirties was in the room, noticing that his colleague had a visitor, „Oh, I didn’t know you were busy.“  
  
„Uh, yeah, Ms. Hollis here is in one of my classes, she’s my uh… Student…“, Carmilla said, while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and taking the file that the intruder held out to her.  
  
„Alright, just tell me, if you need anything else. I’ll be here until 8.“  
  
„Mhm, thanks Carter.“, was all the brunette could utter, before the man left her office.  
  
There was a moment of silence. Carmilla’s heart raced, the rush of adrenaline felt great and was terrifying at the same time.  
  
„Laura, I…“, the professor began, but was cut off.  
  
„I think, I should go.“  
  
…  
  
Laura hadn’t slept well at night. 1000 things were on her mind, because of that nearly-kiss incident. Was it even a nearly-kiss? The blonde was oblivious at times, that was for sure, but she was pretty sure that it eventually would have lead to a kiss. She had spent all night wondering if the thought of the professor actually liking her back (she still wasn’t sure on that part though) should terrify her or if she should be happy about it.  
  
Laura was on her way to LaFontaine, they had agreed  to hang out, before LaF would go to the party. Usually the blonde would have gone with them, but she really didn’t want to deal with frat boys calling her ‚hottie‘ und drunkenly groping every now and then.  
  
  
  
„Your costume is seriously one of the best Harry Potter-themed I have ever seen!“, Laura exclaimed, when she saw her friend dressed up as George Weasley.  
  
„Perry is going as Hermione. You know, because of the curls and all.“, LaFontaine said excitedly.  
  
„I guess you are dressed up as the wrong Weasley then, huh?“, the blonde said with a smirk.  
  
„Oh shut up. Or I’ll start on the sexy prof.“, LaF warned, causing the student to blush a little, „Or do you wanna start on that topic?“, they said with a playful smirk.  
  
„So, uh the party is at the Zeta house, huh?“, the journalism student tried to distract.  
  
„Laura…?“  
  
„You should lay low on the drinks today, cause you don’t wanna have the same awkward situation with Perry like las-“  
  
„What happened?“, LaFontaine asked firmly, preparing themselves on hearing a juicy story.  
  
„Nothing happened.“, Laura finally answered, „We were about to kiss an-“  
  
„WHAT? You are telling me this now? Minutes, before we have to leave?“  
  
„Well, I wasn’t planning on telling anything, when actually nothing happened. It wasn’t a big deal.“  
  
„Yeah, because being nearly kissed by _your professor_ isn’t a big deal.“  
  
„Oh god, don’t remember me.“, Laura groaned as she covered her face with her right hand.  
  
„Okay, let’s just get going.“, LaFontaine rose up from their chair, „I’ll walk you to your dorm and you tell me exactly what happened.“  
  
  
  
„So that was it? You stared at each other for 5 seconds?“, LaF asked a little disbelievingly.  
  
„I told you that it wasn’t that interesting. I haven’t even had the chance to talk to her about it, because I felt so confused. I ran off…“  
  
„But if you could talk to her now, what would you say to her?“  
  
„I don’t know… I know that the thing between us is real… We just get each other somehow, while being completely different at the same time. I don’t know how to explain it… It’s the way she is… She’s got that air of mystery around her, you know? And then sometimes she is open as a book.“  
  
„Are you really considering anything? I mean, what about the student/teacher thing?“  
  
„We have to talk about it… I have no idea what she is thinking or feeling. For all I know, she might have changed her mind about everything again. I never really expected that she really feels something in that direction for me too, so yesterday I panicked, because it wasn’t only a possibility anymore and the struggle with the teacher thing became real. I think, I am going to write her an email.“  
  
„Or I guess you are getting your chance to talk now.“, Laura’s friend said, pointing towards Carmilla, just a few feet away, apparently talking on the phone. She was pacing back and forth a little, but didn’t acknowledge the presence of George Weasley and Laura.  
  
  
  
„… Yeah, can you actually believe that I came in on a Saturday?… Anyways, I called to let you know that I got the files and thank you, it was really sweet of you to lay them out for me yesterday… I wasn’t able to go through them anymore… Yeah okay, have a nice weekend.“, Carmilla hung up and let out a sigh.  
  
„Hey.“, Laura said, when she stopped right behind the woman clutching her iPhone.  
  
„Gosh, what is it with people that creep up from behind?“, the dark haired beauty turned and her frown formed into a beaming, but surprised smile, as she realized it was Laura, „Oh, hi there!“  
  
„Hey Carmilla.“, LaFontaine greeted, the other two had already forgotten that they were standing there too, „Or I mean professor, uh I…“  
  
Carmilla was feeling a wave of panic inside her, when Laura stepped in.  
  
„Oh, don’t worry about LaF, they wouldn’t ever tell anyone…“, the brunette looked at the blonde and nodded cautiously, „…Not that there is anything to tell, I mean…“  
  
„That’s my cue, I will leave you both alone now. Have a nice halloween you guys. It was nice to see you again, uh profes- Carmilla.“, George Weasley stepped out of the picture.  
  
  
  
„How are you?“, the older woman spoke.  
  
„I am super fine. What about you?“  
  
Super fine? That sounded super dumb.  
  
„Alright, I didn’t get to sleep so well last night and unfortunately I had to come in today for some work…“  
  
„Yeah me too, I mean the sleeping part, not the coming in part, I live here.“, Laura was feeling a little nervous.  
  
„I know where you live, Laura.“, Carmilla winked.  
  
„Right.“  
  
„So what are your plans for halloween?“, the brunette asked. The smalltalk started to annoy her, her thoughts drifted away to the previous afternoon.  
  
„I have none. I was planning on staying in tonight, maybe try to actually read the final chapters of the first ‚Faust‘.“  
  
„‚Faust‘ huh? The assignment’s not due until Friday, why on earth would you read that on your weekend?“, Carmilla chuckled.  
  
„I guess, I just wanted to impress you. I have to make up weeks of silence in your class, don’t I…?“, Laura had no idea why she said that. It felt so endlessly good, to be able to talk normally to the dark haired beauty. Or as normal, as you can, when you feel your own heartbeat pound against your ribcage.  
  
„Never has anyone wanted to read Goethe to impress me.“, the brunette grinned and raised an eyebrow.  
  
„Yeah, well I just guess, I am not anyone then… Listen… I wanted to talk to you… I mean… If possible, somewhere more quiet… Maybe your office…?“, the student looked around, as if she was checking if somebody was eavesdropping on them.  
  
Carmilla knew that she was right. They had to talk about it. So far the conversation went well, but they both were dodging the main topic. The dark haired woman also knew that when she were now about to take her student to her office, that there a few things that could go wrong. Maybe she would be tempted to ‚act‘ rather than talk. She wanted to have a real conversation.  
  
„Hmn, let me check…“, Carmilla let her gaze wander to her watch.  
  
„Do you have to be somewhere?“, Laura immediately was a little disappointed.  
  
„No, I was just checking and deciding, if now is a good time to ask you to go grab dinner with me… We could talk in private over dinner.“ That was much better than alone in an office.  
  
„And what is your decision?“, Laura bit her bottom lip, as she asked that question.  
  
„It depends.“  
  
„Depends on what?“  
  
„Whether you are going to say yes or not.“, Carmilla smiled cockily, as if Laura were to say no.  
  
…  
  
Laura was pacing around in her room. The teacher and her had agreed to meet up again in half an hour.  Carmilla needed to finish up work in her office and Laura? She just wanted to prepare herself. The blonde didn’t know what had happened, in the first few minutes of the conversation she was shy and a little awkward about the situation. The student knew, they had to sort things out, but then it became so natural to talk with Carmilla and it felt right to ask her to talk about it. The blonde hoped that the other woman would feel those feelings towards her too.  
  
Carmilla had told Laura, where her car was parked, so that they could meet up there instead of going all the way together. The whole thing was starting to get complicated before there even was a thing. The blonde sighed a little, reminded herself that she wanted to ask Carmilla about her feelings and ask what all of this meant to her/them both. She was aware of the fact that they would be sitting in public, and secretly thanked the professor for bringing up the idea. This would keep them more focussed on the conversation.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was already waiting outside her car, when Laura finally showed. She opened the car’s door, gestured her student to get in and then went around the car to get onto her own seat.  
  
„So where are we going?“, the blonde asked while buckling herself up.  
  
„I know a place just outside town… It wouldn’t be so wise to stick around here.“  
  
„Right.“, Laura cleared her throat. So that’s what their relationship would be like. They would have to hide the whole time. It was in a way exciting, but at the same time the student was sensible: she wondered if it was such a good idea in the long run.  
  
„What are you thinking about?“, Carmilla asked, Laura felt caught.  
  
„I don’t know…“  
  
„That’s not true, you just don’t want to say it.“, the brunette smiled.  
  
„You have a nice car.“, Laura tried.  
  
„My dad gifted it to me, when I got my M.A.…“, the older woman said, her gaze was fixated on the streets.  
  
  
  
The rest of the drive was rather quiet. Laura was reminding herself in her mind, what she wanted to say and Carmilla was just paying attention to traffic or lack thereof. When the car came to a halt, Laura’s gaze wandered to the building ahead of them. It was a Greek restaurant. It was a rather rural area, she had never been there. Suddenly Carmilla was outside her door and opening it for her.  
  
„Didn’t know that you are such a princess.“, the brunette said with a smirk.  
  
„And I didn’t know that you could be so chivalrous.“, the student was now outside the car and both headed in to the restaurant.  
  
„I do one or two things to impress the ladies.“  
  
„The _ladies_ as in plural, huh?“, Laura earned a smug face for that question.  
  
The restaurant was a small cozy family business. The owner seemed to know Carmilla very well, he greeted them and led them both up the stairs into the second floor, where the private area was.  
  
„I come here every now and then. I was friends with the owner’s daughter, when we grew up. We'd come here after school and stuff our faces.“, the brunette smiled, remembering old times.  
  
„You have to translate the menu for me, everything’s in German.“, Laura said, when going through the menu.  
  
„Oh my god, I am sorry, I forgot that.“ (Silas University was an international university and everyone on the school premises would talk in English. As for the rest of Austria Laura would have to learn German, if she planned on staying there after her degree.)  
  
„No worries, I’ll take everything that I can dip into tzatziki.“  
  
„I think we’ll find you something.“, Carmilla winked, before starting to translate some of the dishes she thought her opponent would enjoy.  
  
For a fraction of a second Laura thought about the fact that garlic wouldn’t be a very good choice on a first date, but then again, that wasn’t a date.  
  
  
  
„This is the best Greek food I’ve had in my life.“, the blonde said, munching away the deliciousness of her meal.  
  
„I’m glad you like it.“  
  
„Hmnpf, do you speak Greek too?“, Laura wanted to enjoy her food, before getting into the topic, they actually wanted to talk about, so she found 100 other things she could be asking the other woman.  
  
„Oh, no, I had to choose between Latin and Greek. And I chose the dead language, but it helped me through university, especially when we had to go through ancient literature.“  
  
„Mhm…“  
  
„So, how did you like Faust so far?“, Carmilla didn’t want to force the student to talk about what they came for either. She secretly hoped that the blonde would make the first move.  
  
„Unfortunately I think I don’t even understand half of it.“  
  
„Oh, try reading it in German then. It’s much more complex than the new English translation we are reading.“  
  
„Have you read it in German?“  
  
„Yes, I have. It was a long time ago though…“  
  
Laura nodded and put down her silverware, as she was already finished with her food. She took a sip of her water and then cleared her throat.

Silence.

  
„So… Yesterday…“, the blonde slowly started, her counterpart also stopped eating, even though there was plenty left on the plate. Carmilla felt a little tense now.  
  
„You were… I mean, if we wouldn’t have been interrupted-“, Laura didn’t know how to ask what was going on between them.  
  
„I would have kissed you.“  
  
„You would have?“, the blonde was surprised.  
  
„Yes.“, Carmilla leaned in on the table with her elbows and folded her hands over her plate. A sigh escaped her lips, „And I know how many different shades of wrong it would have been, so I was actually grateful for the interruption.“  
  
Laura felt her heart shatter in million pieces. Her mood dropped, but the brunette continued.  
  
„But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to kiss you.“  
  
The student was confused, so Carmilla elaborated her thoughts.  
  
„I have liked you Laura, since the day we met on that bench. I didn’t think that we would see each other ever again, at least not like this. Silas is big and there are about 8500 students roaming around on campus and then of all of the coincidences that could’ve happened, I somehow got to be your teacher. I might be a badass, I might like to break the rules, but this job is important to me. I need to finish this habilitation. I am lucky that my mother is the dean of Silas, because no other university would hire a 24-year old as a professor, no matter what degrees I have. If I were to do this…“, Carmilla was pointing at herself and Laura, „I might lose my job.“  
  
„I understand.“, was all Laura could utter. She really did, she just didn’t want to think that far.  
  
„This can’t go any further.“  
  
„I know.“  
  
…  
  
The drive back to Laura’s dorm was quiet. The blonde hated herself a little for ever saying that she felt something for Carmilla. That would have been less heartbreaking than knowing that there are mutual feelings, but not being able to act on them, because of some stupid rule. However she was also grateful that Carmilla was honest and also admired her a little that she could be so professional about it. The blonde remembered the event from the previous day where she practically accused the professor of taking advantage of her students and laughed at the irony behind that.  
  
„We are here.“, Carmilla said, already ready to get out of the car and open up Laura’s door, but the blonde stopped her from doing that.  
  
„I can open a car door by myself.“  
  
„Right… Well, have a good night then.“  
  
„You too, Carm.“, the student got out of the car and walked towards her dorm, when she heard Carmilla scream her name. She turned and cast the dark haired beauty, who was now outside of her car, a puzzled glare.  
  
„Just so you know: If I wasn’t your professor, and this wouldn’t be morally wrong, and we met on other terms... I would have asked you out.“, the brunette uttered with a sad smile.  
  
„And I would have said yes.“  
  
…  
  
Wednesday came too soon/or too slowly. Carmilla and Laura both were torn between feeling something for the other and not being allowed to feel anything. That projected in them being excited to see the other person, but also fearing what might happen.  
  
Was there going to be any awkwardness? How should they act around each other?  
  
Laura and LaFontaine had their first period off, so they decided to hang out a little before class to talk about the happenings in the previous days. The blonde had already called her friend on Sunday to tell them that her and Carmilla decided to let things go.  
  
„Laura have you been listening to me at all?“, the scientist asked, apparently the journalism student was staring into space.  
  
„Hmn?“  
  
„Still thinking about her?“  
  
„No... I mean yes… I don’t know how to act around her.“  
  
„For starters you could just start to really pay attention to the class instead of swooning.“  
  
„Ha, ha...“  
  
  
  
When Laura arrived at room 307, her teacher and some of her colleagues were already sitting at their desks. The student decided to sit in the front row again, earning a smile from the professor for that.

  
The class was going well, the professor let 4 people read a scene out loud. The journalism student was listening intently and sometimes secretly watching her professor and how she interacted ever so lightly with her students. They respected her despite her young age.  
  
„Bravo! You’ve done a brilliant job as Mephistopheles!“, Carmilla said to one of her students after they finished and then turned to the whole class, „I guess, this is it then! Please don’t forget to read the final few pages until Friday, because we will discuss the whole work. You may go after signing, you already know the deal.“  
  
Laura stuck around, until everyone had left, not very much unlike the first time she did that, pretending to look for something. Carmilla took the attendance list and put it on her student’s desk, smiling.  
  
„Don’t forget to sign.“  
  
„No worries, I never would.“, Laura said, before doing what was asked of her.  
  
„Are you alright?“, Carmilla wanted to know. How she hated smalltalk.  
  
„I am doing good… Uh, Carm?“  
  
„Hmn?“, the brunette didn’t expect the other girl to stick around much longer. She even felt like she was doing something wrong, when she just talked to her student.  
  
„After this whole thing between us… I just thought…“, Carmilla now stared into brown eyes, „I thought that you and I could be kind of friends.“  
  
„Friends?“, the teacher repeated.  
  
„Yes, friends. Just two people, who are friendly to each other.“  
  
„I think that’s a good idea.“  
  
„Great, so friends?“, Laura asked with her hand held out.  
  
Carmilla shook it, never leaving the eyes that held her own captive. It was a bittersweet feeling to touch the journalism student’s hand.

„Friends...“  
  
…  
  
A week had passed and they found themselves in the same situations over and over again. Laura would be the last to leave the room and they would talk about the book they were reading currently or Laura would talk about the other courses she was taking and how they had read a certain passage from a work they discussed in English Lit or other things that crossed their mind.  
  
„Are you going to the dance on Friday?“, Laura asked, while holding her book open. This way they made sure it didn’t look weird when someone walked in on them.  
  
„You mean the winter charity thing?“  
  
„Yeah exactly that one.“  
  
„No, I don’t think so.“, Carmilla was a little surprised, „Why? Are you going?“  
  
„I went last year and it was pretty fun, but then again last year I didn’t have to go alone. My sorry ass wasn’t single last year. If I showed alone, everyone would pity me.“  
  
„I’m sure, you would find some douchebag on campus to go with you, if you wanted to.“, the brunette cocked an eyebrow. She smacked herself mentally though, because she didn't want the blonde going to the dance with someone else.  
  
„As endearing that might sound, I don’t think that’s what I want… Maybe I shouldn’t go at all.“, Laura said while shaking her head.  
  
„I’ll go, if you go.“, Carmilla corrected herself shortly after, „I mean, my mother kind of wanted me to go anyways. Keeping her happy makes her less of a bitch. And we’d see each other. I can be pretty fun at parties.“  
  
„Except this is a formal event, where everyone’s dressed up and we wouldn’t actually get to talk to each other that much.“  
  
„I think you should still go.“, Carmilla smiled and continued, „Maybe you’ll find someone cute there.“ Was she doing that on purpose? She was a masochist at heart.  
  
„Hmn. Yeah maybe.“  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was relieved, when she finally got home. She felt like the whole job had caught onto her, she was home by 8, sometimes 9. That was a habit that she got from her father, because he never brought work home. He strictly separated his personal life and his work life. He'd spend his free time with his family and he was her role model after all.  
  
After a quick shower she sat on her couch and suddenly saw her cigarette pack. She laughed, because she didn’t smoke that much anymore. There she thought that stress would make crave that feeling more, but it was the opposite. She smoked mostly out of boredom or sometimes, when she didn’t know what else to do.  
  
Just as Carmilla was about to light up a cigarette, her phone buzzed. The notification said that she had an unread email. Her laptop was in her reach, so she decided to read it on the big screen. She didn’t like the little screen of her phone that much. When she opened her inbox, she saw that the mail was in her university email account.  
  
  
s14327678@students.silasuniversity.com  
**Subject:** 1984, George Orwell  
  
_Dear Prof. Karnstein,_  
  
_I have trouble figuring out why we have to read books that most of the people already have read in high school. I hate dystopian world stories._  
_Why couldn’t you pick something from Jane Austen?_  
  
_With regards,_  
_Laura Hollis_

Carmilla smiled at the email she received and quickly typed in a response.  
  
c.karnstein@silasuniversity.com  
**Subject:** RE: 1984, George Orwell  
  
_Dear Ms. Hollis,_  
  
_It is of utter importance to be well read in every genre the literature has to offer you._  
_1984 is a classic._  
  
_With regards,_  
_Carmilla Karnstein_  
  
_P.S.: Jane Austen will come your way soon enough, I promise._

Only 2 minutes passed, before the brunette got her next email.

  
s14327678@students.silasuniversity.com  
**Subject:** RE: 1984, George Orwell  
  
_Hell yes, bring on the victorian era._  
_Do you have a private email-address, the university provider doesn’t let me chat with you._  
_Or you could give me your number. I have to rant about George Orwell._  
_Writing emails like this is so 2002._  
  
  
c.karnstein@silasuniversity.com  
**Subject:** RE: 1984, George Orwell  
  
_People normally come up with a better excuse to get my number… +4367623781262_  
_Very subtle, Hollis._  
  
Carmilla finally lit up her cigarette and waited until her phone buzzed.  
  
  
**+436991327203823:** I like to call myself queen of subtleness.  
**+436991327203823:** In this all new-found-friendship thing, I have to say, your pp is hot.  
  
When the brunette looked up her own profile picture (because she forgot, that’s how often she used the text-message-app), she shook her head. It was a picture of a cat with sunglasses on.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Flirting with me again, are we? :P_  
**Laura:** _I love cats. <3_  
**Laura:** _I hate 1984._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _What’s up with that hate for Orwell?_  
**Laura:** _I don’t hate him, I only think the book is ridiculous._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I think it’s interesting to see, what people in the 50ies thought the future would be like. :)_  
**Laura:** _It’s rather gruesome._  
**Laura:** _How much faith did Orwell have in humanity?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _How could he have faith?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _He started to write the book shortly after WWII._  
  
  
Laura smiled at her phone. Carmilla would always make a good point.  
  
  
**Laura:** _Have you decided yet, if you are going to the dance, wisenheimer?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Not sure yet._  
**Laura:** _You were the one, who practically begged me to go. :O_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I guess, if it’s so important for you, I’ll go. :P_  
**Laura:** _Cool, looking forward to seeing you there._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _You’ll see me before in class._  
**Laura:** _Speaking of which!_  
**Laura:** _I am gonna catch up on some other coursework._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Sounds good, take care._  
**Laura:** _Bye prof.! ;P_  
  
  
The brunette smiled at her phone and looked up her contacts. After finding the person that she looked for, she pressed ‚dial‘. After the phone rang for the fourth time, her mother finally picked up.  
  
„Hey, so… Do you still have that one spare ticket for the dance?“


	6. Jealousy Turning Saints Into The Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dances, ex-girlfriends and gay men.  
> Mother dearest trying to be a bitch again.  
> Laura being an jealous idiot for (good?) reasons.  
> Stuff happen here or something, I don't know.
> 
> Also: First two lines rhyme, gosh I am such a poet!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smile a little more, it makes life so much better!!!

Laura was getting ready for the SU winter charity dance. She felt like she was prepping for prom. If she had known how much trouble that was, she would have said no, when Carmilla had asked, but then again, she was really glad that she did, because she would be able to see her. Laura’s dress was dark blue and ended slightly over her knees.  
  
She was currently applying make up, although that had never been her forte (she didn’t need it that much, thanks to her good genes her skin was almost flawless). She put on some decent eyeliner and a little rouge, even though she was pretty sure she got that covered (being a nervous wreck around Carmilla and blushing at her comments and glances).  
  
„How do I look?“, LaF walked out of Laura’s bathroom. They were wearing a dark grey suit with a white shirt underneath and a red silky bow tie.  
  
„Ohhh lookin’ dash LaF!“, Laura nodded approvingly.  
  
„I can only give the compliments back to you, may we go off now, Ms. Hollis or do you need more time to fix your face?“ LaF said with a questioning glare.  
  
„No, I am ready!“  
  
Both made their way outside to the spot, where they wanted to meet up with Perry and Danny. They decided to hang out together again as friends. The ginger twins were relieved, when Laura didn’t scream at them for having the idea. The blonde also wanted all of them to be friends again, now that she was on good terms with her ex-girlfriend again. It felt good, like old times.  
  
„There you are!“, Perry almost shouted, when she could spot Laura and LaF.  
  
„Yeah, Laura needed some extra time, she has to look good tonight.“, LaFontaine teased.  
  
„Who do you want to impress?“, Danny asked, as she emerged from behind them.  
  
„No one… Uh, hi Danny.“  
  
„Hey Laura…“, the tall redhead said and then turned to face the other two members of the group, „Hey guys.“  
  
They all decided on walking to the venue, as it took place at Silas University’s own ceremonial hall in the main building. Perry and LaF were a little bit ahead, leaving Laura alone with her ex.  
  
„You do look really good, Laura.“, the tall girl said with a warm smile.  
  
„Thanks, you do too.“  
  
„How have you been lately? Haven’t seen you around in a while.“  
  
„I have been busy with reading actually. The English Literature seminar, which you recommended is really a lot of work. We recently read German literature too actually -ironic isn’t it? Given the fact that it’s called English Lit.“, Laura was honest.  
  
The seminar with Carmilla was definitely not an easy one and the professor was very demanding, but it was very educational.  
  
„Really? When I took the class last year, we didn’t read German Literature. That’s a little odd…“  
  
„Yeah well, Goethe wasn’t on the literature list of the faculty, but Car- Ms. Karnstein picked it out herself.“, Laura felt her heart sink to her guts, she almost said Carmilla. Lucky for her that Danny didn’t notice it. She totally had forgotten about the fact that Danny had already met Carmilla. She just hoped that they didn’t run into each other.  
  
„Ms. Karnstein? Is that the new professor that teaches instead of Friedman?“  
  
„Uh yeah.“, Laura’s heart began to beat heavily.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was waiting at home to be picked up by a car service. Her mother had insisted on it and the brunette didn’t bother much, since she was planning on drinking that night anyways. It was a win-win situation.  
  
She applied a crimson red lipstick, which gave her dark outfit some contrast. She was wearing a black dress, which was floor-length with a side slit on the left to reveal one leg. The professor was ready 5 minutes before the car would arrive. She loved punctuality.  
  
Carmilla walked outside and was taken aback, when she saw the huge black limousine outside of her apartment. Suddenly the backdoor swung open and her mother stepped out.  
  
„Darling! You look wonderful! Come! Get in!“, Renata said rather excitedly. That was strange.  
  
When the younger woman got into the limo, she spotted a man beside her mother.  
  
„Carmilla, dear, I would like you to meet Jean-Philippe Armitage.“, Renata said, as she introduced them both.  
  
She certainly hadn’t met him before. He had short dark hair and the color of his eyes were somewhere between grey and green, very piercing through the dark. He had tanned skin, and Carmilla could imagine that he had a very fit body underneath that smoking.  
  
Carmilla wondered, if it was her mother’s new boy toy. She’s had some in the past. The brunette often asked herself, why on earth people like him would be with her mother, but then again there’s a saying about money reigning the world. He was beautiful. Even though she didn’t like men romantically and could never get emotionally attached to them, she could appreciate a pretty face.  
  
„Is he your date for the night?“, Carmilla dared to ask.  
  
„No, he is _yours_ actually.“, the older woman said, leaving her daughter a little surprised.  
  
„He’s what? Mother if this is one of your set up plans, I swear to go-“  
  
„There is no need to be upset, dear. I payed him to be here tonight. You don’t have to involve with him romantically…“, Renata looked at the guy, „Although it would be a waste, if you didn’t… What I meant to say is that a woman of your age, and the daughter of the dean shouldn’t be going alone to a ball. Just for the night pretend to be _normal_. He will be your boyfriend for the night, don’t screw this up.“  
  
Carmilla clenched her jaw. She couldn’t believe it. She cursed herself for agreeing to this, but she knew better than to argue with her mother, so she just shook her head and sighed. Only one year, then this would be over.  
  
When the car came to a halt, someone from the outside opened the door.  
  
„Frau Karnstein, es ist mir eine Freude, Sie begrüßen zu dürfen!“, the man greeted.  
(Translation: Mrs. Karnstein, it's a pleasure to welcome you!)  
  
Some photographers waited outside of the venue to snap whatever pictures the guests wanted to be taken of them.  
  
„Come on dear, let’s take some pictures.“, Carmilla heard her mother say, as she was grabbed by the arm. Her fake boyfriend was right behind them.  
  
Carmilla took some pictures with her mother, faking a brilliant smile. The man behind the camera just loved it, he didn’t know the brunette enough, to know that her real smile was 100 times better than that one she was wearing for his camera.  
  
„Take some with Jean-Philippe and try to pretend to be in love.“, her mother whispered to her, before she made her way into the ballroom.  
  
Carmilla’s gaze went backwards to her „boyfriend“. He was smiling at her and grabbed her by her waist, pulling her closer to him.  
  
„You can call me J.P. or Philippe by the way, I just don't like the double name, it sounds like a douchebag's name.“, the dark haired guy said, flashing his teeth.  
  
„You are a beautiful couple! Smile for the camera!“, the photographer exclaimed. Carmilla thought it was ridiculous, but played along.  
  
„Mhm…“, the hand on her hip was slowly bothering her.  
  
„What’s the matter, why are you so tense?“, Philippe asked his fake girlfriend.  
  
„It’s just the fact that you are not really my type… My type is a little more blonde… And feminine.“ Was it a good idea to tell that an almost stranger?  
  
The dark haired guy moved up a little closer to her ear, so she cast him a bewildered look.  
(The photographer loved that pose, it was such an intimate moment!)  
  
„Just so you know, I am doing this because your mother paid me an awful lot of money. I ensure you that I am not available to the opposite sex either, so your _gayness_ has nothing to fear from me… We’ll just pretend to be straight for the night.“, he whispered. Carmilla was suddenly not so tense anymore and actually really surprised.  
  
„So you have no romantic interest in me?“  
  
„Not at all honey, I have probably slept with more men than you.“  
  
„Let’s play straight then.“, the brunette said with a happy smile, holding out her hand and dragging him inside with her. At least that was no problem. Carmilla has had a lot of these situations in the past, where her mother would set her up with men she thought her daughter would be interested in. She wondered, if her mother knew that J.P. was gay. How she would like to wipe into her face. ‚He isn’t _normal_ either mother‘.  
  
…  
  
Laura and the redhead crew had almost reached the ceremonial hall of SU, when the blonde spotted her favorite teacher. The blonde’s breath hitched a little at the sight of Carmilla’s beauty, but then something bothered her. She spotted her with a guy, who was very, very close to her. They were holding hands and getting into the building. The journalism student didn’t want to think about it further though. She instantly thought about the countless times she jumped to conclusions and hurt the professor. Laura told herself that it could be a cousin.  
  
„Want to take pictures together?“, LaF asked.  
  
„Sure, might as well.“, Laura’s mood was off, even though she wasn’t supposed to think about it. Someone else’s hand on Carmilla bothered her very much. Even though she never was hers. Never will be probably. The blonde sighed. She didn’t smile in any of the pictures that were taken of her.  
  
They walked in, and the view was magnificent. The dance floor with the stage in the rear of it was the first thing you could see, when standing by the doors. It was centered and on the side of the floor were thick pillars, as if they were holding up the ceiling. Behind the pillars there were small lounges to sit in. There was a separate room for the guests to enjoy their drinks on round tables of different sizes.  
  
„What are you thinking?“, the tall ex girlfriend asked.  
  
„I am just thinking about how we were here last year…“, Laura replied, letting her gaze wander. She couldn’t spot the dark haired beauty.  
  
„Hey, wanna find a table for us all to sit?“, Perry asked.  
  
„You guys go, we are taking care of drinks.“, Danny said, tugging on Laura’s arm. LaFontaine and Perry went off, leaving the ex lovers alone.  
  
„It’s so cute, how they managed to be each other’s prom dates, without even really asking the other one. That’s the kind of love that just clicks. And it makes me so angry sometimes, when LaF tells me that they are not ready to tell Perry yet what they feel, because they don’t know how lucky they are. They are so lucky that they can do whatever they want…“, Laura was on rambling mode.  
  
„Wow, where is this all coming from?“  
  
„Oh, I just don’t know… I am a lonely loser.“  
  
„Come on, you’ve got me, don’t you? We’ll have fun!“, Danny said, hugging Laura. The sight of it was just adorable.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla and Philippe were immediately seated at the dean’s table in one of the lounges near the dance floor. Matska Belmonde had joined them with her husband (some old rich guy, who was probably going to die soon).  
  
Carmilla hadn’t spotted the nerd girl yet. Laura had told her professor that she’d be there at 8 and it was way past that, so she excused herself and got up to find her. The brunette was just about to walk over to the room, where the bar was set up, when she spotted her favorite student and… Danny, the ex-giant. Hugging it out.  
  
Carmilla tried to ignore that they were here together and thought of Laura’s words. She said they weren’t together. So she was going to leave it at that, even though the sight of her favorite student hugging her ex stung a little.  
  
She remembered that the redhead shouldn’t see her, given the fact that she had thought that Laura and her kind of were a thing, when they first met. If she knew that she was a teacher at Silas now, she would certainly be in trouble. Carmilla took out her phone from her clutch and tried to communicate with the blonde.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Spotted you._  
  
Laura didn’t seem to hear her phone or maybe she didn’t have it with her, but the professor at least had tried to get in touch. She would look for her later again, she thought and went straight back to her table, where Philippe was grinning at her. The seat of her mother was empty.  
  
„Where’d my mother go?“  
  
„Off to some business talk outside.“, the man replied.  
  
„Thank god!“, the professor sighed.  
  
„Why does a woman like _you_ need her mother to set up dates for her.“  
  
„Because my sexuality is something my mother doesn’t entirely approve of… Or let’s say entirely disapproves of. And I would never pay someone to be my date, just because it doesn't look good on me to go to a dance without an escort.“  
  
„Oh please, I come from a family full of doctors and lawyers. My siblings are all perfect, they have their prestigious jobs and their _‚normal‘_ heterosexual lifestyles and me? I dropped out of college to pursue my modeling career and have a boyfriend… What do you think _my_ family thinks of me? I just don’t give a fuck about it.“  
  
„I don’t give a fuck about it either, but sometimes people feed the hand, they would like to cut off.“  
  
„Oh, how endearing.“, the model boy chuckled.  
  
„But at least she has a good choice, because if I wasn’t into women, and you wouldn’t be into men-“, Carmilla began with a smirk.  
  
„Then we would be straight.“, J.P. said with a deadpan.  
  
„No, what I meant to say is that I think I’d find you cute.“  
  
„Don’t worry, I know that I make you question your gayness.“, the man wiggled with his eyebrows.  
  
„Sure, think whatever.“, the brunette shook her head and laughed at him.  
  
„Could you say no to that ass?“, the man said and turned slightly and pointed to his rear. Carmilla laughed even harder at that comment, but then nodded approvingly.  
  
The brunette was actually having a surprisingly okay time. J.P. was pretty entertaining. He told her stories of his family and showed her some pictures of his boyfriend. She told him some ‚ _growing up with Renata_ ’ stories and told him about her professorship. They talked about life in general.  
  
…  
  
Laura and Danny had joined their friends on a rather small table, but they were just happy to even be able to sit, because slowly the ballroom was getting crowded. A lot of people were on the dance floor already. Laura wondered what time it was, so she took out her cellphone and immediately saw the message from Carmilla.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Spotted you._  
  
Out of reflex Laura looked around the room, checking to see, if she can spot the dark haired beauty, but she couldn’t.  
  
**Laura:** _Where?_  
  
She awaited a response, but didn’t get one right away.  
  
„Who are you texting?“, Danny wanted to know.  
  
„No one, just checking the clock… We’ve been here for half an hour and we're still not drunk, is this a new achievement?“, Laura nervously replied.  
  
„I guess, it’s because the ginger twins over there are fun-blockers.“, the tallest member of the group said.  
  
„Hey, we are sitting right in front of you guys. We can hear you! Besides alcohol makes your mind cloudy.“, LaF defended themselves. They did know what they are talking about.  
  
„We know, but we sti-“, the journalism student didn’t finish her sentence, because she felt the buzz of her phone that she was still holding in her hand. She unlocked her screen and read the message.  
  
  
**_Carmilla Karnstein:_** _At the bar._  
**_Carmilla Karnstein:_** _With your tree-esque ex-girlfriend_  
**_Carmilla Karnstein:_** _What’s the deal about you two?_  
**_Laura:_** _Danny and I are just friends. I told you._  
**_Laura:_** _Besides, you seem to be in good hands too_  
**_Carmilla Karnstein:_** _Do you mean my mother or the booze?_  
**_Carmilla Karnstein:_** _If you meant the latter then yes, I am, indeed._  
  
  
The professor didn’t tell her about the mystery man. Laura didn’t know if that should affect her or if she should shrug it off. Who was the blonde kidding? She was never one to ignore those things.  
  
  
„Jeez, Laura, your phone’s going off constantly. Who’s so important?“, LaF asked curiously, although they already had an idea who it was.  
  
„No one… Just, give me sec guys.“, Laura got up and made her way through the crowd.  
  
  
_**Laura:** Meet me at the bathroom._  
_**Carmilla Karnstein:** Oh, are you trying to imply something there? ;)_

Normally Laura would blush now, but there was something else bothering her right now.

 _ **Laura:** I’m waiting_  
  
  
Laura was fixing her eyeliner at the bathroom mirror, when the dark haired beauty came in. The blonde looked at her through the mirror, and cast her a little smile. It was a fake one.  
  
„You look beautiful, Laura.“, the teacher whispered. She had made sure that no one was prying on them, before saying that.  
  
„Thanks, you do too.“, Laura replied, holding her gaze on the brunette, who now was fumbling around in her clutch. She took out a lipstick and reapplied it to her lips.  
  
„So, what did you want to meet me for?“, Carmilla asked with a playful smile, while she clumsily dropped her lipstick on the floor.  
  
„Are you drunk?“, Laura wanted to know, picking it up.  
  
„No, I’m just a little tipsy.“, the older woman said huskily. The student looked around, to check if there really was no one who could see, how close they were.  
  
Some women were in the bathroom stalls, every now and then one would come out and wash hands or some would come in to fix their make up.  
  
„Haven’t answered my question yet.“, the dark haired woman said.  
  
„I just wanted to see you. Is that too much to ask for? I am sorry, if I held you up from having a good time.“, the blonde said with a faint hurt in her voice. Carmilla still wasn’t telling her anything about that mystery guy.  
  
„You should get going. You don’t wanna keep your mom waiting.“, the blonde remarked and ran off, leaving behind a clueless Carmilla.  
  
…  
  
„You still haven’t told me what your deal is.“, J.P. said to his fake girlfriend.  
  
„My deal?“, the brunette didn’t understand a word.  
  
„Yeah, what’s in the combo?“  
  
„Can you please not talk like a McDonald’s commercial?“, Carmilla asked of her opponent.  
  
„I am talking you about your love life. When I asked you before, you dodged the question.“  
  
„Well, to answer your question: There is no love life.“, the professor sighed. It was sad, how true those words were.  
  
„Really? No one? I don’t believe you.“  
  
„Whatever there is… Whoever there is… It is complicated.“  
  
„Nothing’s complicated on its own. We tend to make it complex.“  
  
„It’s not the normal type of difficult. We both want to be together I think, but we can’t because of an obstacle.“  
  
„Whatever is holding you back… You gotta decide for yourself if it’s worth not being with the person you wanna be with.“  
  
Carmilla laughed at those words. Was Laura worth risking all of it? Risking all of the work she has put into her education? She just would have to stuck around for one year- no, screw it, it was 3/4 of a year now. Laura would never wait that long for her though, she thought. Even she didn’t know how to, when having to see each other every week.  
  
„Oh god screw the odds.“, Carmilla said, before excusing herself.  
  
„Where are you going?“, J.P. wanted to know.  
  
„I am deciding for myself, if it’s worth it.“  
  
…  
  
„Where’d LaF and Perry go?“, Danny asked, when she returned from the bar. She was holding two drinks, one for Laura and one for herself.  
  
„They disappeared somewhere in the crowd on the dance floor.“  
  
„Are you alright?“, the tall girl asked with concern.  
  
„Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?“  
  
„Because you were really distracted the whole night and since you came back from the bathroom you’ve been weirder than before. I know, with all the things that happened last year, it’s a little hard, but you can talk to me, you know that right?“  
  
„I know and thanks, but I don-“, Laura was interrupted by a man in a tailcoat. He obviously was a waiter.  
  
„Miss, someone instructed me to come over here and tell you to come to the emergency exit in the hallway, right where the stage is.“, the man whispered in her ear.  
  
„Uh, who instructed you to?“  
  
„My only assignment was to tell you, I am sorry I do not have any other information.“  
  
„Thanks, I guess I’ll just…“, Laura rose from her seat. The man nodded and walked away.  
  
„Where are you going?“, Danny wanted to know.  
  
„Just… Uh… I’ll be right back.“  
  
  
  
Laura crossed the dance floor and was standing in front of an ominous hallway, which was only illuminated by the glowing sign of the emergency exit way back. The blonde didn’t dare to step any further, not being sure which creep wanted to see her. She secretly hoped it wasn’t one of the frat boys that always call her ‚little nerd hottie‘. Just as the student thought it had been a joke and wanted to leave, she was grabbed by her arm and led through the hallway.  
  
It took Laura some seconds to realize that it was Carmilla, who dragged her through the dark place. They came to a halt before a door. The brunette looked around, if someone saw them and then opened the door, leading her student into the room. Carmilla turned on the light and locked the door from the inside. It was a rather small room and it was close enough to the dance floor, because you could hear the music.  
  
„What the…?“  
  
„It just didn’t feel like a party without you, since I know how fun it can be from the last time...“, Carmilla said, while putting her clutch on one of the tables that were near the entrance. They were in a storage room apparently.  
  
„I thought you were enjoying yourself?“, Laura asked.  
  
„No, you assumed. You always assume, Laura. I never said that I enjoyed being in a room full of people, when the only one I want to talk with, is the one I can’t talk to.“, the blonde didn’t expect those words now.  
  
Carmilla was a little drunk, not too much to cloud her judgements, but enough for her to be honest with herself for once and not listen to whatever her concious was saying to her. She was now finally letting the guard down, forgetting all the things that spoke against her being locked up with her student.  
  
„What do you want Carmilla?“  
  
„Why are you so off to me?“, the brunette asked, she wasn’t mad, just upset.  
  
„I am not off.“  
  
„You are, and I really don’t know what I did, to piss you off. I was really looking forward to seeing you and I just…“, the dark haired beauty sighed a little and put a hand on her forehead, as if she was thinking. She wanted to pick the right words, but her thought process was interrupted.  
  
„Then who is the guy you came here with?“, the student confronted her counterpart.  
  
„What?“  
  
„Oh god, nothing… Just forget it…“, the blonde groaned.  
  
„Wait, _that’s_ why you were so distant?“  
  
„I just didn’t know what to think.“, Laura admitted, still looking at the other person.  
  
Carmilla groaned a little. All those silly misunderstandings were making it worse.  
  
„Laura, my mom paid this guy to be my escort today. I can assure you that there is nothing going on, besides he likes men more than I do.“  
  
„So he _isn’t_ your date?“  
  
„No and I didn’t know about him before tonight.“  
  
„Oh thank god.“, the blonde sighed and moved a step closer to her professor, but the brunette took a step back.  
  
„Why do you always jump to conclusions when it comes to me?“, Carmilla asked, her voice cracked a little and her eyes had a certain sadness in them.  
  
„I… Uh…“  
  
Just in that moment Carmilla heard Renata make an announcement outside. The room they were in was close to the stage, but the voice was muffled. The brunette held up a hand to signalize that she wanted to listen to the words.  
  
Laura was a little grateful for the interruption, because she couldn’t figure out an answer and honestly didn’t know why she felt those things, when it came to the teacher.  
  
Carmilla was still listening to her mother, who was now thanking all the people who came and donated money. After a short break there was music playing again. It was slow, Laura knew it was a waltz, she reached for Carmilla’s hand, who hesitantly looked at it, not knowing what was happening now (and frankly still being a little mad at the shorter woman).  
  
„We can’t dance outside.“, the student simply stated, „So we might as well do it here…“  
  
As Carmilla took Laura’s stretched out hand, the blonde pulled her closer. She put her left hand on her dance partner’s waist, feeling the fabric of the brunette’s dress. She was smiling, because she realized that she had never been this close to the other woman before. Her gaze fixated the wall across her, concentrating on what to say. Carmilla put her right hand on the shorter woman’s shoulder. Laura didn’t know how to dance the waltz, but it wasn’t important, they just stood there, and gently swayed to the music.  
  
„It’s because you do that to me.“, the blonde suddenly whispered. Her counterpart was obviously not understanding, what she meant, „You asked me, why I always had these weird assumptions… It’s because ever since the day at the party I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And then when we met again and I knew we couldn’t… Do this… I didn’t want to see someone else do it.“  
  
„Do what?“, Carmilla whispered. Their eyes were held captive by one another.  
  
„Talking to you, spending time with you, when I couldn’t, I shouldn’t or I wasn’t allowed to.“  
  
„This is awfully possessive of you, don’t you think?“, the brunette smirked, but it faded, when she saw that Laura was very serious about it.  
  
The student breathed in sharply and continued.  
  
„And then tonight… When I saw you with someone else… I just… I got very insecure and jealous, even though I know that I am not supposed to, you are not mine and-“  
  
Laura’s words were cut off, because she suddenly felt Carmilla’s lips against hers. It was a gentle kiss and the brunette pulled away shortly after to look into the other woman’s eyes, as if she was asking if that was alright. Laura was caught off guard, they were still very close to each other and in dancing position.  
  
However the blonde didn’t hesitate for long to kiss her counterpart again. It was a firm peck, rather than a gentle kiss, as if she needed to prove a point. The professor inhaled sharply, oxygen, she needed oxygen. Her hand on Laura’s shoulder was now on the student’s neck, pulling them closer, so that she could again lip-lock with the blonde. Carmilla was relishing the moment, not wanting to rush things, she stayed in one position for several seconds. No tongues were involved, it was innocent and sweet.  
  
A buzz brought them back from their own world they were living in now.  
  
„Goddamnit!“, Carmilla whispered after breaking the kiss and reached to the corner of the table, where her clutch bag was resting. Laura cleared her throat and mind. What had happened? One second they were talking and in the other they were suddenly kissing. Her professor had kissed her. They had kissed.  
  
Carmilla looked at her phone, her mother was calling her.  
  
„Shit, I am sorry, I have to go.“, the brunette said apologetically.  
  
„It’s okay, um…“, Laura bit on her bottom lip.  
  
„Maybe we should head out separately…“, Carmilla recommended.  
  
„Yeah, right uh…“  
  
„Have a good night, Laura…“, the older (and taller) woman said with a gentle smile and turned to the door, never leaving her the time for a response.  
  
Carmilla unlocked the door, looked if anyone was there and when she didn’t spot anyone, she slid through the small crack. Laura stood there for several minutes, her fingers brushed over her lips. Did this really happen now? She felt a rush of blood circulating her lips.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla paced back to her table, where Philippe was talking to Matska Belmonde. Her mother could not be seen anywhere, so she asked them where to find her. Just as her fake lover was about to tell her, Renata’s voice appeared from behind her.  
  
„Where have _you_ been? I’ve been looking for you all over the place!“, the older woman wanted to know.  
  
„I was out, I needed some fresh air.“  
  
„Well, I wanted to know, if you are staying or if you wanted to go home? I am probably going to have to stay until the end.“, the mother informed her daughter.  
  
„I think I will be heading home soon… My heels are killing me.“, the brunette had to be alone and think about what had happened some minutes ago in the tiny storage room.  
  
  
  
At about that same time Laura came back to see Danny, LaF and Perry. They were obviously worried about her.  
  
„There you are! I just told them the story of your mysterious take off and we got worried!“, the ex-girlfriend said and eyed the blonde. Something was off, she was smiling too much. She hadn’t smiled once, since they got into the building.  
  
„Yeah, what was that all about? Do you have a secret admirer?“, Perry asked curiously with a smirk.  
  
„You are so funny… It was just a joke I guess...“  
  
Laura’s eyes met LaFontaine, who was the only one, who knew about the situation with Carmilla. Perry never had asked about the dark haired mystery lady, as she never saw her again with the blonde. She also never spotted the professor at Silas (how could she, she was at the art institute).  
  
„Budge up, LaF.“, the journalism student ordered, before sitting on the now empty space beside LaF on a bench-like seat. Her friend immediately scooted closer again, as they leaned in to whisper something in her ear.  
  
„Laura, you’ve got lipstick smeared all over your mouth… And I know you didn’t wear any, when we left your dorm…“, they had a smirk on their face. Laura quickly wiped her lips with the back of her hand. The other two hadn’t really caught onto that, because they weren’t as close to her as the ginger to see it.  
  
Laura’s face took on a shade of red.  
  
„Oh boy, you’ve got some explaining to do tomorrow.“, LaF grinned and then turned to the other people at the table.  
  
The journalism student took her cell phone, which she had left earlier with her friend due to her sudden take off and started to type in a message to her favorite professor.  
  
_**Laura:** Good night to you too, Carm._


	7. Stolen Kisses, Inner Battles And Ultimatums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss changes everything.  
> LaF spills some bombs about their friend(s).  
> Carmilla is completely lost when Laura tells her what's up.  
> There's gonna be some tiny new revelations about that mystery woman's past.

Carmilla opened her eyes, as rays of sunlight were creeping through her blinds and disturbing her deep slumber. She checked the alarm clock on her bedside table and noticed that she had slept for 11 hours. It was 10:28 and she remembered coming home around 11 and getting into bed some time around 12. She’d never slept so much, not in the last 2 years.  
  
The brunette slowly rose from the bed and saw the black dress that was lying on the floor. She didn’t have the energy to hang it up in her closet last night. Her thoughts trailed off into the events of the previous night, a tender smile was decorating her lips. She’d kissed Laura.  
  
The professor tidied up the mess in her bedroom. Since she had her own apartment, she was keen on keeping it very clean. Carmilla remembered how messy her dorm rooms have always been. This new life in her own apartment changed her. She actually had something to care about now, because this whole place was hers. It was hers to maintain it.  
  
After going through the whole house, she decided to take a much needed shower. The hot water burning on her back was soothing. She closed her eyes and relaxed. She had slept well, she hadn’t slept that well in weeks. She smiled to herself. Carmilla felt really, genuinely happy -also the first time in a long time.  
  
After she stepped out of her bathroom, she put on some clothes and threw herself on the couch. It was good for once not to be busy, not being distracted by work. She closed her eyes and immediately the thought of her favorite student popped up in her mind. A small smile formed on her lips and she reached out to her phone.  
  
**Laura:** _Good night to you too, Carm._  
  
Laura had texted her the previous night. Her smile was getting wider. She also thought about the words J.P. had said to her. Whatever obstacle there was, was it worth not being with the person she wanted to be with? Everything had gotten more complicated after the kiss, as she had feared, but she felt so good at the same time. Maybe it was a good thing to listen to your heart for once.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Good Morning_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Did you get home alright?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I’m sorry, I just got your text._  
  
The brunette decided that she should eat something. Her stomach liked that idea too.  
  
…  
  
„Your situation reminds me of 80ies-movies… Mature, lonesome lady in need for some fresh meat… So she seduces her young student…“, LaFontaine grinned as they said that.  
  
„Oi! Shut up, she’s like only 4 years older than me, that’s not creepy at all…“, Laura thought about it for a second, „It isn’t right?“  
  
„No it’s not… Cause you know… You are at least not a teen anymore.“, for that they were smacked on the head, „Ouch!“  
  
„You like to tease me, huh?“, the blonde let herself fall on her back, they both were on the floor of Laura’s dorm room now, staring at the ceiling.  
  
„Oh come on, I have to make some student-teacher references… Even though I can’t come up with good ones at all, god what is wrong with me?“, LaF groaned.  
  
„You are never letting me live this down right?“  
  
„Nope, but what does this whole kiss actually mean now?“  
  
„I seriously don’t know. I may be toying with the idea to turn this into a _thing_ , but I’m pretty sure Ms. Karnstein is not… Ugh…“  
  
„Ms. Karnstein huh?“, LaFontaine teased again with a chuckle to follow afterwards.  
  
„Oh stop it already.“  
  
„Okay, okay.“, raised hands in defeat.  
  
  
Silence.  
  
  
The journalist in spe shot up into a sitting position, „LaF, you can’t tell that anyone, not even Perry, you understand? Oh god, if Danny were to find out, I don’t even know what she would do…“  
  
„Of course I am not going to tell… But Laura, what if Danny or Perry run into her? What if someone from the party recognizes her? Professors usually don’t show up at random student parties.“  
  
„God you are right… We were at the party together…“  
  
That was something that the blonde had completely forgotten. Danny had even asked her about her new English Lit professor. What if they run into each other in some literature class? Laura was kissing the floor with her back again, her right hand covering her face.  
  
„I mean, I wouldn’t count on the fact that any of the frat boys remember anything of the night… You two were pretty secluded from everyone… So I wouldn’t worry about anyone actually… Except for Danny… I mean that girl can be borderline intimidating sometimes.“  
  
„Yeah… She’s very over-protective, I know.“  
  
„No it’s not _that_ and you know that.“, LaF pressed their lips together.  
  
„What do you mean?“, Laura turned her head.  
  
„Oh, common! She’s still in love with you. She’s never stopped loving you.“  
  
„Yeah right, I felt _really loved_ when she stood in front of my door and told me she had slept with Kirsch.“  
  
„That thing was messed up, yes, but she still is in love with you, I know it. You should have seen how jealous she was, when you both sneaked out of the room to make out.“  
  
„She was really drunk and other than that you know exactly there was nothing going on! We were only going to the restroom!“, Laura had a sudden urge to make herself clear.  
  
„Whatever. The point is that you should really watch out… We don’t want to mess this more up, than it already is. The friendship of us all has suffered a lot because of you two.“  
  
„Hey, since when are you on her side?“  
  
„No, I am not. I have always been with you on this one, I just miss us being normal. Before all of these _stupid feelings_ came to haunt us. You are friends one day and then boom- you kiss once and your whole friendship is on the verge.“, LaFontaine groaned.  
  
„Ohh-kaay, who are we talking about right now? Is this about Perry? Wanna tell me something new on that front?“, the blonde offered.  
  
„There’s nothing new there and I really don’t wanna waste words on it. I just wanna take back that stupid kiss and have her be my best friend again.“  
  
„But you love her right?“  
  
„Well of course I do, we’ve been best friends for over a decade!“  
  
„No, LaF, I meant it in the other sense…“  
  
There was a moment of silence and Laura thought that her counterpart would deny it, but they didn’t. They huffed loudly, before saying something.  
  
„I can’t, Laura. She probably doesn’t feel the same about me. And even if, I would never have the courage to profess _it_...“  
  
They both were interrupted, when Laura felt her phone buzzing in her pocket.  
  
„Jeez, busy woman.“, LaF said, when the blonde fumbled in her pocket to get her cellphone.  
  
„Sorry. Wait a sec.“  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Good Morning_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Did you get home alright?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I’m sorry, I just got your text._  
  
Laura’s face immediately beamed up in a smile. The ginger friend of hers was mentally thanking Carmilla Karnstein, because they really didn’t want to talk about it any more.  
  
„Oh I guess, I know who that is…“, LaFontaine sighed.  
  
The blonde beside her typed in a message eagerly.  
  
**Laura:** _Morning to you too._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Are you going to mimic everything I say?_  
**Laura:** _What?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _‚Good night to you TOO‘ ‚Good morning to you TOO‘?_  
**Laura:** _Oh._  
**Laura:** _Where are you? What are you doing?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I am at home, fixing breakfast._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Just woke up. Guess the alcohol helped a little with the long slumber._  
  
„Oh god, LaF!“, Laura exclaimed.  
  
„Hmn?“, they propped themself up on one arm and looked at their friend.  
  
„What if Carmilla only kissed me, because she was drunk?“, LaFontaine was clearly confused, so Laura showed them the chat between herself and her professor.  
  
„Why don’t you just ask her?“  
  
„I can’t…“  
  
„Why not?“, the redheaded friend wanted to know.  
  
„Because then all of this will be over and she is gonna be like: No Laura, _there are principles_ and _rules_ and _I like you_ , but _I can’t_. Let’s both just suffer instead. We can’t do _this_ , this has to end. Blah, blah, blah. God, I hate that sentence, heard that too often in the last few weeks.“  
  
Why did this have to be so hard? Why did Laura have such a huge crush on her teacher?  
  
  
  
  
Laura and Carmilla had texted the whole weekend. Sweet nothings coming from each of them, it felt like they were in the first phase of dating, except they weren’t. Both were ignoring the fact that they had kissed. The blonde didn’t want to ask, because she was afraid that this would have to end if she was too ‚clingy‘. Addressing problems wasn’t her cup of tea anymore, not since it backfired every time she tried with Carmilla.  
  
The professor didn’t bring it up either, because she thought she had overstepped and since her student didn’t say anything about it, she decided it was the best, if they would just forget it. Forgetting was the hardest task though. Every time she went to bed, she would drift into sleep with the thought of those warm brown eyes in the back of her mind. Every time she would receive a text from Laura, her head would pick up speed out of joy and happiness. She felt panic in her chest, when realizing that she was falling slowly. She was not allowed to fall. Not, when she’s so close to her mother, not after what happened the last time her mother found out.  
  
It wasn’t right and it would only cause trouble…  
  
…  
  
It was Tuesday, so Carmilla would only have to wait one more day to see her favorite student, the thought of her made her smile widely. She felt like a foolish teenager, when she caught herself. Karnstein, get your shit together, this is not going to happen. The brunette shook her head and went back to work, she’d been stuck in her office for hours, never noticing how late it already was. Carmilla had to finish preparing for her Friday lecture.  
  
On the way from Laura’s dorm to the archive, where the blonde would always go studying now (in hopes of ‚coincidentally‘ meeting her professor there again), she scanned the building, where Carmilla’s office was in, to check, if she was still there. It was easier to tell there was someone in there in the evenings, because the light shimmered through the blinds.  
  
That day was one of the days, where the teacher was apparently working late, so Laura had an idea. Whatever she told herself about not rushing anything, she wanted to see Carmilla now.

She sent her a text first though, to clear things up.  
  
**Laura:** _Still working?_  
  
The blonde really hoped to get a response soon, which she did.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Yes, I just don’t remember, why I agreed to this whole lecture thing._  
**Laura:** _Because you are great at it._  
**Laura:** _Have you eaten dinner yet?_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _No, I haven’t. Gotta wrap my head around Schiller, before fulfilling my needs._  
  
That was all the information Laura needed. She grinned at her phone screen.  
  
God, she hoped no one had seen her goofy smile.  
  
…  
  
„I had a feeling, you’d be here…“, Laura cocked an eyebrow at her professor, when she entered her office. Her hands were holding a bag with take-away boxes.  
  
„What are _you_ doing _here_?“, Carmilla wanted to know. She was smoking.  
  
„I could ask you the same thing! Put _that_ out.“, the blonde ordered.  
  
„Sorry.“, the teacher extinguished the cigarette and cracked open the window.  
  
„Are you even allowed to do that in the building? It’s on school premises right? I am not sure, if the dean would be happy with that.“  
  
„Well, technically yes, but that’s my office and the other professors do it too and besides, my mother doesn’t care for the smoking part as much as my other so-called _flaws_.“  
  
Laura didn’t know what she was referring to, but that didn’t matter, because this was supposed to be a nice gesture, not to talk about anything (as if she could help it).  
  
„What’s that all about?“, Carmilla asked and pointed to the take-away boxes.  
  
„Oh, I just thought I’d return your favor for dinner. I hope you like Chinese food?“  
  
„It’s one of my favorites. That’s sweet of you Laura.“  
  
Laura and her professor stared at each other for a moment, exchanging shy smiles, when the blonde settled herself into one of the visitor’s chairs. She opened the boxes and immediately the smell of food cast a cloud over whatever cigarette smoke there was in the small room. They started eating.  
  
„Still smoking, huh?“ Laura’s eyes held her counterpart’s captive.  
  
„Only when I am not busy or I have to take a break, which doesn’t happen that often, I swear.“  
  
„When did you start this bad habit?“  
  
„Back when I was in university… I had my first smoke, when I was 20, I never got addicted to it really, but then…“, Carmilla was now stabbing her food with her fork in her left hand, sighing, „Two years ago I started to do it more frequently and now… I don’t even finish a pack in 1 week.“  
  
„Still it’s bad. You shouldn’t do that.“  
  
Carmilla knew, where this came from. She remembered the talk they had on Laura’s birthday, when she told her her mother had died from cancer.  
  
„There are a lot of things people shouldn’t be doing.“  
  
Both looked up from their food, knowing exactly what the other was thinking. Should they be talking about it? Everything they ever did was talk, Carmilla thought. Before she could utter anything in that direction, Laura began speaking.  
  
„Like what?“  
  
„Stealing. Lying. Murdering.“  
  
Should Carmilla say, what her mind was burning to say? She decided against it, but then her counterpart did that for her.  
  
„Or kissing your professor?“  
  
The brunette immediately searched for Laura’s eyes, but her gaze was on the food in front of her. Both had been terribly hungry before, but now the fried rice wasn’t that important anymore, neither were their stomachs, which screamed for more.  
  
It was the beating of their hearts that was overshadowing all of that. The smiles that showed up, when seeing each other. The sensation of their tingling lips, when thinking about that kiss on the ball. The smile on Carmilla’s lips faded though, as she remembered what she had told herself. This can’t happen.  
  
„Laura, I was the one, who kissed you. I was the one, who did the wrong. I was-“  
  
„Please stop. I am not a child, who can’t make up its own choices.“  
  
The student put down her food and lifted her gaze and then continued.  
  
„You always act like I never had a choice. You always put the blame on you. You always think that you are the one that is making the mistake. I hate that we have to call it that, I hate that having feelings for you is a mistake, because it isn’t. And I hate that you think I am not capable of making my own choices.“  
  
„I never said that you weren’t.“, Carmilla calmly replied.  
  
„Yes, but you also never let me make any of my own choices.“  
  
„Because it’s-“  
  
„Wrong? Jeez you are acting like you are 20 years older than me and I was some girl who fell for your romantic wiles.“  
  
Silence. Carmilla slowly rose up from her chair and sat down on the one beside Laura.  
  
„Laura, it’s not only about the whole student teacher thing…“  
  
„What is it about then?“  
  
„Laura, my mother... Let's just say she isn't very _pro me_ , when it comes to romance. She never was supportive of me being more into women than men. I lost my ex girlfriend because of her. She messed up her chances to get into any college in Austria, so she had to go to Greece, because her family was from there and they could get her into the University of Athens. I don’t even know what she would do, if she were to find out about us. Losing my job is one thing, but messing up _your future_ , I would hate myself if something like that happened again.“  
  
„I didn’t know… I mean you two didn’t seem to have a peachy relationship, but…“  
  
„Yeah, go figure. I just am tired of arguing with her. I’m so fed up with it.“  
  
„I understand it fully… But…“, Laura sighed a little, „have you ever even thought about how the whole situation is for me?“  
  
„What do you mean?“  
  
„You keep telling me how we can’t do this and now you tell me that. I understand it all, I do, I do understand that you might be scared of that, but what frustrates me is that I never have a say in this. And I would never dare to ask anything of you, because I’d feel selfish. And this is just messed up, I hate it!“  
  
The brunette took her student’s hand in hers to comfort her, but she didn’t allow it. She was in a standing position now, with her back to Carmilla. The professor was immediately behind her.  
  
„I mean, I don’t even know if it was you, who wanted to kiss me or your drunken self.“, the blonde began again.  
  
„It was all me. The alcohol had nothing to do with it, Laura. I wanted that in that moment…“  
  
„That’s not enough, it’s not enough for me to know that you were aware of what you were doing… It actually deepens the conflict now… Because that means you like me back. Paradox isn’t it? That I don’t feel better, but worse after hearing that?“, the blonde chuckled, but it was dark.  
  
„Laura, please…“, another attempt from Carmilla to take her student’s hand in hers. She was successful for some seconds, before Laura let go of it.  
  
„No, you don’t get to do this. You can’t tell me we can’t do this and how it is morally wrong, but then hold my hand or kiss me. You kiss me and it cracks me open and all of my stupid, messy hopes come tumbling out in ‚maybes‘ and ‚somedays‘ and how is that fair? How am I supposed to feel around you?“  
  
Carmilla sighed deeply, retreating her hand fully. They both knew that talking would make it more complicated than it already was. Talking meant asking for something and not getting it. Laura had known, before she started it, but she couldn’t help herself, as always. Talking was her thing.  
  
„I- I hate to ask this of you… Again…“, Laura smiled, but it was not the beautiful radiating one of hers, it was bitter and she shook her head, which just emphasized her hurt, „You have to choose.“  
  
„Choose what? Between you and my job?“, the professor said disbelievingly.  
  
„No. I would never ask that of you.“  
  
Laura turned around, to look her counterpart in the eyes.  
  
„You have to choose how you treat me, when I am around you, when we are alone. Either you let this happen -whatever _this_ is- when we can see each other secretly and I don’t give a single damn about keeping our personal relationship private… Or we don’t interact with each other at all. No late night chats on roofs, no intimate moments in offices, no kissing at dances and no flirtatious texts, nothing. I feel selfish, because I am asking that of you, but I just can’t do this anymore. I thought ignoring the problem would do it, but apparently not. I never was a girl to ignore things like that, and I am not turning into one that is.“

  
Silence.

  
„Can I think about it?“, Carmilla asked, clearly already doing said thing.  
  
„Take all the time you need…“  
  
Laura turned around and stepped through the door, leaving her professor behind in awe. She definitely hadn’t expected that. The brunette groaned and sat on her chair again. Her appetite was long gone, so she threw the food into the trash.  
  
Why didn’t she just tell her that she didn’t want this. She should have told her that they couldn’t be seeing each other. Something in her mind (or was it her heart) didn’t want to do it. The professor was fighting an inner battle.

Would her heart win over her mind?  
  
…  
  
Two weeks had passed since the talk in Carmilla’s office. The professor and her student were in a strictly professional interaction. Laura had participated in her class, but only to discuss matters with her colleagues in the seminar. She never raised her hand to answer a question Carmilla would ask.  
  
She wouldn’t even look at the teacher. That had hurt Carmilla the most. Laura would be the first one to sneak out of the room, when the class had finished. She’d bring her own pen to sign off the attendance list and vanish within the crowd on the hallways of Silas.  
  
Carmilla was just glad for her tight schedule. She was working most of the days and other than sleeping (which didn’t work out that well) and eating there was not much time to dwell on things. The words of the blonde lingered in her mind.  
  
Laura was right, never had she really thought about the fact that it was equally as hard for the student or that Laura was even interested that much in deepening whatever that was. She didn’t only take advance of her. She wanted it as much as her, but she would endanger her academics and Carmilla wasn’t so sure if it would be easy to sneak around all the time.  
  
The brunette looked at the calendar and sighed. Since Silas was an international school, Thanksgiving was a holiday and therefore she had Thursday and Friday off, which meant 4 days without being busy with actual work and thinking. Thinking and making a decision. She had dodged that out of her mind for long enough, but it wasn’t fair to Laura. She had to giver an definite answer.  
  
Carmilla took out her phone and looked through the chats she had with Laura. She read all of the messages she ever exchanged with her. They were so free and lightly flirting, before the kiss happened, but the brunette knew that the situations she was in now was inevitable. One day or the other Laura would have asked what was going on between them, hell even she herself would have asked, if that had continued for too long.  
  
While going through her contacts, she spotted the number of J.P.. They had exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch. She remembered the talk with him at the charity dance and recalled that he gives quite the good advice. Carmilla called him and made plans with him for dinner.  
  
  
  
  
„How is it going with your modeling career?“, Carmilla asked her counterpart.  
  
„Oh, I have to work hard to keep my body the way it is, but I love it.“  
  
The brunette only nodded, because she was chewing food.  
  
„How’s your mom?“  
  
„Still the bitch that she’s always has been, but not so mean anymore… Maybe she’s getting senile.“, Philippe laughed at her comment.  
  
„Wanna tell me why you called me up?“, the man took a sip of his beverage.  
  
„Is it so obvious?“  
  
„Well, I sent you a text last week and never got a reply, so I figured you would need something.“  
  
„I am so sorry, but work has been so exhausting lately, I barely found time for anything…“, the teacher groaned.  
  
„So why make time now?“, the man wanted to know. Oh, he was just too good.  
  
„I have a long weekend ahead of me and no work to distract me anymore.“, the brunette set down her silverware.  
  
„Why do you get to have 4 days of vacation?“  
  
„Because the university I teach at is an international grad school and tomorrow’s Thanksgiving.“  
  
„Well, lucky you!“, the model shook his head, because he wanted to have the same luxury.  
  
„Okay… So… Remember the girl I told you about?“, Carmilla started.  
  
„Woah, you haven’t told me anything about any girl, just that there is somebody.“  
  
„Yeah, whatever I told you… It… Uh… Something happened… After you and I talked.“  
  
„Okay?“, Philippe was now listening intently.  
  
„We kissed at the dance and-“  
  
„What? At the dance? Is she also at your school?“  
  
„Yeah.“, the professor breathed out.  
  
„So she is also a teacher?“  
  
Carmilla bit her lip. She couldn’t have anyone know about this, but did she trust him enough to tell him? The brunette remembered their talk at the ball. How he trusted her with his personal stories, so she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. When she looked at him again, he was waiting for a reply.  
  
„No, she’s my student.“  
  
„Oh.“, Carmilla wanted to take it all back, she never should have said anything.  
  
„God, now you think I am a creep right? But I have known her before I knew that… Well sort o-“  
  
„Hey, Carmilla, I am not judging you.“, J.P. took her hand into his.  
  
„You are not?“, the brunette was surprised now.  
  
„No, I mean, I don’t think that you are taking advantage of her, because clearly you are no 50-year old professor…“  
  
„That sounds kind of like a 80ies movie…“, Carmilla erased the image.  
  
„Not forget I said that. Beside the obvious student/teacher thing… What is the issue?“  
  
„She gave me an ultimatum. I have to choose between not being with her her and ending any personal relationship there is or uh I guess having an affair.“  
  
„That sounds rather steamy.“  
  
„Shut up and tell me what to do. I can’t lose my job over this and she can’t lose her future… Or other things…“  
  
„I can’t tell you what to do, you have to figure it out yourself. Remember what I told you 3 weeks ago? When I said you gotta decide for yourself, if it’s worth to you not being with her? I mean back then I had no idea what you were talking about, but look, she said that she’d keep it a secret right?“  
  
„Yeah she won’t say anything. I don’t know why, but I completely trust her in that matter.“  
  
„Okay, then there is nothing more I can say. You have to decide if the sneaking around is worth it to you.“  
  
…  
  
Laura slept in for about 14 hours, she didn’t even know that she could sleep that much. She’s had a rough time the previous days, because some douche professor had the brilliant idea of setting up an exam on the last day before the holidays started.  
  
In addition to that, there was this other thing, namely Carmilla. She’d seen her on the day before, they barely looked at each other, or let’s say the blonde didn’t want to get caught staring. Why should she? It would only give Carmilla wrong ideas. The student didn’t want to seem desperate, though she’d wished that she would get her answer soon. It was killing her from day to day.  
  
Laura managed to get her room cozy and livable in the past days. She had bought some shelves and a little bedside table, which was now holding an owl lamp. With a little help from LaF and Perry the journalist in spe hung up the ‚Dr. Who‘ stencil on the opposite side to the wall, where her bed was.  
  
The blonde decided to take a shower. She appreciated the running water on her skin. Maybe that would help to take her mind off things.  
  
When she got out of her bathroom with wet hair (she hadn’t even bothered to put on clothes, because her room was heated and the curtains were closed), she rummaged through her closet.  
Laura fished out clean underwear and slid it on, doing the same with a bra, when she heard someone knocking on her door. Wondering about who her guest could be, she just quickly pulled a tank-top on and went to open the door. It was probably only LaF anyways.  
  
Laura was fairly shocked, when she locked eyes with Carmilla, who slowly let her gaze wander to her uncovered legs (with the same shocked expression).  
  
„What are you doing here?!“, she said rather loudly, before pulling in her teacher and then peeking out, to check, if someone had seen them.  
  
The professor was a little taken aback by the fact that Laura was barely wearing something. That was definitely not the way she had imagined her student not to wear pants - INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHTS. She remembered that the blonde had asked her a question.  
  
Laura’s legs were struggling with a pair of blue jeans, when Carmilla finally decided to speak.  
  
„Uh, I… Happy Thanksgiving!“  
  
„I am British. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.“, the blonde replied.  
  
„You are?“, Laura could see the shock and also disbelief in the teacher’s eyes.  
  
„Well, yeah kind of, I never refer to me as, but yes, I was born in England. My mom got an job offer in Vancouver when I was about 2 and we moved there, because my dad could take his business with him -he is in the insurance branch… And then, my mom… Well, after she was gone, my dad and I moved back to London, when I was 14… That’s why my English accent is not prominent or there at all actually.“  
  
„No, no you do have tiny bits of British English in you. I mean now that you are telling me this… You do pronounciate some things a little differently than Americans do and use strange words sometimes.“  
  
„Yeah can be… But I highly doubt that you came here to talk about my origin.“, Laura was a little impatient, there was only one reason for Carmilla to be here. She wanted to break it -whatever it was- off. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.  
  
Carmilla exhaled and tried to regain her composure. She was here to say something important, but she was a little distracted by the fine scent the room was filled with. The air in there smelled a little like a heavenly perfume, but then she noticed Laura’s wet hair. The brunette figured that the blonde had showered not too long ago. That’s her scent. All her.  
  
„Carmilla?“  
  
„Hmn?“  
  
Laura was looking at her, apparently expecting her to spill her intentions.

  
  
„Oh, uh right. I came here, because I wanted to ask you something.“


	8. Kiss Me And Crack Me Open Again or Officially, Unofficially

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car rides and hotel rooms.  
> German lessons.  
> Some kiss.  
> Thing.

„Oh, uh right. I came here, because I wanted to ask you something.“  
  
The blonde didn’t say anything, but you could tell she was waiting, still very impatiently.  
  
  
  
„Are you busy in the holidays?“, Carmilla slowly started.  
  
„Uh, I-no, not really.“ Why did she need to know that?  
  
„Good, because I wanted to ask you… Well, I don’t even know, if you are going to agree to this… And I know it sounds totally crazy, I think I wouldn’t even consider it, if I were you…“  
  
What a great way to start this conversation, Karnstein.  
  
„Carmilla, just come to the point please.“  
  
„Yeah right sorry, I am normally not like this, it’s just… I have been thinking and -I would like to spend the holidays with you out of town.“  
  
„What now? Out of town? With me? Alone?“ What the hell? Carmilla wanted to go on a vacation? After the ‚fight‘ they had? She must have been in a parallel universe or this was a weird dream.  
  
„Yes, as in you and me pack up some things and drive to wherever we want to and-“  
  
„Wait, so you are not here to…?“  
  
„To what?“  
  
„I thought that you would be here to tell me that I need to stay away from you.“  
  
Laura didn’t know where to place this offer. It was a hell of a surprise. It made her whole world collide once more. Never had she expected this, when Carmilla made her way through the door. She was bracing herself, because she thought that she’d be heartbroken again in a few moments.  
  
„No… I came, because I thought that if I have to choose, I need to know, what I would lose, if I didn’t choose you.“  
  
So that also meant that there was still a chance that this meant nothing. The student weighed her options, would she get hurt? Yes probably, but she wanted to take a risk for one. Who knows? Maybe she will be the one that finds it not worth enough. Laura didn’t care about the maybe just for that day she wanted to be with Carmilla, even though if it’s not on the long term. She was even surprised by her own decision.  
  
„Wait, how long would we be gone?“, Laura broke the silence again, still silently debating, although her heart had already won the battle.  
  
„It depends on you, really, but I thought that if you say yes, we’d head out by noon today.“  
  
„Today already?“, another surprise. Spontaneous road trip. That sounded fun, right? And maybe, just maybe there was a slight chance…  
  
Laura needed another moment to comprehend, what her counterpart had said. She wanted to get out of town with her. They would be alone for some days. The blonde mumbled something, but in a way, Carmilla couldn’t quite understand.  
  
„But… Uh, where would we be even staying?“  
  
Was Laura about to say yes? It was totally out of the blue. She’d already picked out few tv-shows to catch up on, before Carmilla came in and wanted to do something totally crazy. Being a loser alone at home and eating ice cream -loads of it. That had been her plan for the weekend, but now?  
  
To eat ice cream or to be with Carmilla, that was the question.  
  
„In a hotel. I am of course taking care of everything, so you don’t have to worry about that. You’d just have to say yes… If you want.“, the brunette said, but Laura shook her head.  
  
„No I couldn’t let you pay for all of that-“  
  
„Laura, I insist on it, it’s really no big deal… But…“, the professor dared to take a step closer to the girl opposing her, „I just need to know, if I should make reservations or not.“  
  
Dark eyes were seeking some answers. Laura’s heart beat fast. It was insane to say yes. Actually they barely knew each other, but there was this thrill.  
  
„What do you say?“, another hopeful glance.  
  
„I- uh, I say yes?“, not very convincing, Hollis, but Carmilla could work with that..  
  
„Yeah?“, the dark haired beauty was flashing her counterpart a beaming smile, which must have been an incredibly contagious infection, because Laura was smiling now too.  
  
„Yes, I would love to.“  
  
…  
  
Laura was sitting in Carmilla’s car. They both had settled on driving to Vienna, considering the fact that it was the biggest city in Austria and the capital, plus the blonde never had been there.  
  
Music was softly playing on the radio, but none of them really seemed to listen to it, both were very much in their own worlds. Hell, they were taking a trip together, although the blonde still hadn’t figured out, what that meant.  
  
Did this mean that they weren’t ending it -whatever it was- or did Carmilla want to end this? But why would she bother to book a hotel and spend time with Laura then? Did she just want to sleep with her? The blonde was overwhelmed by all the possible outcomes of this trip. She shook off the sex-thought though, because she knew Carmilla wasn’t like that or at least she hoped she wasn’t.  
  
Hotel room… A different city… - NO DWELLING ON THAT.  
  
Laura let her gaze wander to the dark haired beauty beside her. The student took in all the little things that she’d never thought about so intently before. They never had been so close for such a long time (the car ride to Vienna was about 3h).  
  
She was wearing her black leather jacket again, but this time she wore a half sheer button up underneath it and grey skinny jeans to top that off. Her lips were glazing, but not because she had lipgloss on or anything, but because she had a habit of licking her lips every now and then.  
  
Ever heard of a chap stick, Carmilla?  
  
Carmilla was clenching and unclenching her jaw, as if she was chewing gum, but Laura knew, she wasn’t. Was she as nervous as herself? Her sharp cheekbone became more prominent with every time she ‚chewed‘.  
  
Carmilla’s hands were holding on to the stick-shift, her metacarpal bones showing sometimes, when she moved it. Laura wondered, how it would feel to hold this hand, to lay her own hand on the stick-shift. Following her with every time she changed gears.  
  
Laura’s gaze again fell on the beautiful face Carmilla had. Sure, she’d seen a lot of pretty faces in her 20-year-life, but there was something else in those dark eyes and that slight smirk. The blonde recalled not liking her that much in the first few minutes she got to know her. She’d never seen someone with such an attitude. It bugged her and then as the night proceeded, the student found her enticing and exciting. Laura smiled to herself, but it didn’t go by unnoticed.  
  
„Do you like staring, sweetheart?“, Carmilla’s smirk grew wider and she shot her a quick glance, before averting it to the street again.  
  
_Sweetheart._ Carmilla had called her that on the first night they had met. Laura wondered, if it was the leather jacket that made her into this person. She was so different, but maybe it was the fact that they were 50 kilometres away from Silas. Maybe that was the ‚ _real_ ‘ Carmilla, as she had claimed to be.  
  
„I just like to look at things that I find beautiful.“  
  
Laura didn’t even feel embarrassed about what had left her lips. She meant it and Carmilla knew that. The professor definitely was nervous, because after that she choked loudly.  
  
„Do you like driving long distances?“ Laura wanted to know more about Carmilla, since the night they met. What better way to ask than in a car, where she couldn’t escape? She got bits and pieces on the night at the roof, but the woman still was a mystery to her. She knew there were a lot of things she didn’t know about her.  
  
„Yes, it’s comforting. I love driving, especially on highways. I find the speed soothing.“  
  
„I figured, since you own such a car.“  
  
The car Carmilla owned was a 2012 BMW 320d, as Laura had learnt. Although Laura didn’t have any clue, what that meant, she just could figured it had been expensive and the brunette had mentioned something about 180hp. Was that much? She didn't know.  
  
„Do you have a license?“, Carmilla asked her passenger now.  
  
„I can drive, yes, but it doesn’t help me here.“  
  
When the woman beside her gave her a confused look, Laura elaborated on that.  
  
„Well for starters I do not own a car and you guys over here seem to only drive stick-shifts, I am not that good in that, I prefer auto. And then there is the problem that I only learned to drive on the left side. It would be a major change for me.“  
  
„Right, because you are British… I still can’t believe it.“  
  
„I never thought of it… Considering myself English, I mean.“  
  
„What do you consider yourself then?“  
  
„I don’t know? Cosmopolitan maybe.“  
  
„You should be considering calling yourself British though. It makes you hotter than you already are.“, the words escaped Carmilla’s mouth without her consent. She bit on her tongue, as if she was trying to hold back more.  
  
Laura turned to see the faintest of blush creep up those sharp cheekbones. She had never seen that color on that pale skin of her professor. Carmilla dared to look at her for a second, she saw the smirk and the raised eyebrow on Laura’s face and it was enough to make her feel more embarrassed.

 

  
Carmilla would here and there steal glances the whole time, when Laura wasn’t looking. She loved the smile that hadn’t subsided once during the whole car ride. Normally one of them (mostly Carmilla) would say something to set off the mood, when they were alone, but this time the blonde was genuinely happy. The woman in leather couldn’t help, but wonder what was going on in that pretty head of her passenger.  
  
Carmilla of course did notice the eyes that lingered on her, calm and observing. It was like Laura was imprinting every move she did, as if she was doing them for the first time. They have both been in a car together before, but that was different. This diverted from all of the other times they had been together.  
  
…  
  
„Wow _this_ hotel room is _really_ big…“, Laura said, when both entered their room.  
  
It was a huge room with a queen-sized bed in the center of it. And a brown leather couch opposed to the bed and a television screen on the right side of the bed placed on a dresser. There even was a little walkable closet and a fairly large bathroom with a bathtub. Laura felt a little tense at the idea of staying in that 'tiny' space (even though it was not small at all) with someone she’d already had some steamy dreams about. Someone, who she had to call professor on a daily basis back in Silas.  
  
„Hmn. Are you hungry?“, Carmilla wanted to know, as she put her bag next to the couch.  
  
„No, are you?“  
  
„Not really. Do you want to do anything specific?“  
  
„What do you think of a short walk? I haven’t seen much of the city yet and I love strolling in the dark.“  
  
„Everything you want sweetheart, I’ll just freshen up quickly okay?“  
  
„Sure, take your time.“  
  
_Sweetheart._ Again. The softness of Carmilla’s normally rather husky voice mixed with the pet names and sometimes cockiness was something Laura began to like very much.  
  
After they had settled in and Carmilla had exchanged her leather jacket with a thick wool coat, they set out to explore Austria’s capital in the dark. For a November the weather was rather okay. It wasn’t freezing cold, but it sure wasn’t very warm either.

 

  
„So, have you been here often?“, Laura broke the silence, in which they both had fallen. It wasn't awkward though at all.  
  
„Once or twice. I was a teenager back then. It feels like such a long time ago... Like something underwater, seen from great distance.“  
  
„Hmn you really are an English Lit teacher. What a poet.“

„Well, this is my job right? I might as well be good at that at least.“

„Sometimes it seems like you are way more than the usual teacher.“  
  
„Why are you saying that?“  
  
„I don’t know, it’s just the way you use your words sometimes.“, Carmilla stopped and the blonde did too, knowing that the other woman was confused, so she placed herself in front of her counterpart and continued, „Like in our first class, when we were talking about ‚Lolita‘, I was fascinated, when you talked, you did it with such an ease, as if you were all-knowing.“  
  
„I am certainly not.“, the brunette fixated a spot in the distance behind Laura.  
  
„Of course you are not, no one is, but all I am saying is that you have that aura around you that sometimes even intimidates me. You seem to know everything and that’s a power.“  
  
„Is that why you like me?“, dark eyes were now meeting warm, brown puppy eyes. How much comfort could one person give another?  
  
„Not the only reason, but yes that’s one of them.“  
  
Carmilla smiled, not that typical cocky smile, it was warm and Laura could tell that there was something behind those dark eyes that flickered. Something indescribable, something the blonde craved. It was, as if for a fraction of a second the facade the brunette maintained had crumbled and all of her secrets and deepest desires were open to her. For a fraction of a second.  
  
„Do you like the city?“, the older woman asked, when they started to walk again. Ever so sublty changing the subject again.  
  
„I guess so. It is not London, but definitely better than that Styrian village we live in. I thought all of Austria was that boring.“  
  
„Hey!“ Carmilla playfully boxed Laura in her shoulder for that comment.  
  
„Oh god, I am sorry, I forgot that I am talking to an Austrian.“  
  
„No, it’s okay, I get you. You can’t compare that to London, but still it is home to me.“  
  
„Yeah, it is peaceful.“, Laura remarked.  
  
„Did you know that Vienna was named the most livable city in the world… Twice? And if it means anything to you: London’s not even in the top ten...“  
  
  
  
After a short walk (it actually became a long one, because they got a little lost) both came back to the hotel room and they were exhausted. Laura somehow managed to get rid of her shoes and let herself fall down on the bed with her face on the mattress.  
  
„I think you might wanna get rid of the coat, before you sleep.“, Carmilla chuckled, when she hung up her coat.  
  
The brunette made her way to the bed and sat on the edge of it. She wanted to reach out, but then remembered that they weren’t that close.  
  
„May I?“, she asked for permission to take off Laura’s coat, who was more than thankful for it.  
  
„How can you be so energetic still? You were the one, who drove straight for 3 hours.“, the blonde turned around and watched Carmilla hang up her own coat as well.  
  
„Because I am a teacher at a university, who is used to the late hours and hard work. Unlike students who are infamous for sleeping in until 11 o’clock.“  
  
„That’s so not true. I wake up at 8.“, the student defended herself.  
  
„Oh yeah? That’s cute, _I_ wake up at 6:30.“  
  
The professor had won.  
  
„Come on, Laura, change up for bed. I can’t take care of that too.“, Carmilla pleaded.  
  
„That doesn’t mean that you don’t want to.“, Laura winked.  
  
Had the teacher heard that right?  
  
„Okay, I think you are really sleepy, because you aren’t even blushing right now.“, the dark haired woman chuckled.  
  
„Hmn maybe.“  
  
After brushing teeth and then begging Laura for the hundredth time, Carmilla managed to get the almost sleeping girl into the bathroom with pajama pants and a t-shirt. The brunette also fished out a tank top and some shorts from her bag. Carmilla thought that the blonde would be needing enough time anyway, so she decided on changing, while the other girl was gone. That didn’t go as planned though.  
  
„Oh my god, I am sorry!“, Laura exclaimed and held up her left hand so that she wasn’t tempted to look. Pff, but she did take in all of that image anyways.  
  
„It’s okay, judging by your exhaustion I thought I could make it in time.“ Carmilla said and put on a tank top.  
  
She took one blanket from the bed and placed it on the couch.  
  
„You can look again.“  
  
When Laura saw that Carmilla was about to lie down on the sofa, she cast her a confused glare.  
  
„What do you think you are doing?“, the blonde asked her counterpart.  
  
„Sleeping, or do you wanna explore the city again?“, the professor said equally confused.  
  
„You can’t sleep on that small couch, come sleep in the bed with me.“  
  
Oh gosh, that was the wrong way to say it.  
  
„I mean…“, the student corrected herself, „The bed is big enough for us both, so don’t be ridiculous.“  
  
„Uh, I don’t know if-“  
  
„Oh shut up and come over here.“  
  
Tired Laura was stubborn apparently. Carmilla hesitantly did as she was told, although she made sure to keep her distance. It was their first night together after all and they still didn’t define the things. For a split second she had the impression that the whole trip wasn’t such a good idea after all, but then looking into those warm golden eyes, made her feel the exact opposite.

 _This was it._  
  
This felt good.  
  
Carmilla’s dark eyes were scanning her counterpart, who also stared back. Both were relishing the moment of complete silence. Nothing had to be said in that moment.

_It would be like this._

Being with Laura would be like this.  
  
„Good night, Laura.“, Carmilla finally managed to say with a smile and turned off the light.  
  
Laura looked at her, and the brunette saw something that she couldn’t decipher in her honey colored eyes. Before she could comprehend anything or ask her about it, the blonde rose up from her bed a little, so she was hovering just above Carmilla. They remained in that position for a while, again Laura’s expression let the dark haired woman believe she was fighting an inner war.  
  
And then, Laura pressed her lips to Carmilla’s, just for a second. The faintest of  touch.  
  
„Good night, Carm.“, with that she turned around and snuggled into her blanket.  
  
The professor smiled to herself.  
  
This was the right choice. This had to be the right one.  
  
Carmilla just hoped that what she told herself would prove itself true.  
  
…  
  
The noise of driving cars and a weird school bell-esque noise made Carmilla wake up. She didn’t dare to open her eyes, because she was sure the sunlight would burn her retina (she forgot to close the curtains the night before). Her nose however was spoiled with a very pleasant scent. She couldn’t quite place it, so breathed in a little more, before realizing what that was. Carmilla’s eyes shot open.  
  
The professor was spooning Laura, her arm draped over her body and her face buried in the student’s hair. She lifted her head a little, to see if the blonde was still sleeping (she so hoped for it), but she didn't get that lucky. When Laura noticed that the dark haired beauty had woken up, she turned her head a little.  
  
„I am so sorry, I usually do not cling that much.“, Carmilla apologized and retreated her arm, now fully lying on her back. The other girl was quick to follow, she turned around and faced her now.  
  
„Don’t worry about it.“ Laura smiled, „It felt… Nice.“

  
  
„Hmn, did you sleep well?“, Carmilla got up and let her gaze wander onto the streets outside. Vienna was definitely a lot busier than the small town they lived in.  
  
„Like a baby.“, the blonde was now slowly rising up to a sitting position, but still couldn’t get out of the bed.  
  
„Come on, go get ready, I want to take you somewhere to grab breakfast.“, Laura was ushered into the bathroom.  
  
Carmilla was again taking the chance to dress herself (this time she had more luck of not being walked in on, probably due to the fact that Laura was taking more time in the morning). She put on black skinny jeans and a half sheer maroon button up.  
  
Laura walked out of the bathroom, still dressed in her sleeping attire. She yawned and then noticed that the brunette was already dressed. Carmilla winked at her and slipped through the bathroom door to brush her teeth and put on some decent make up. After both were done with getting ready, they decided to head out.  
  
They started with grabbing breakfast at a famous café in Vienna (Laura couldn’t pronounciate and/or remember the name though). After their need of food subsided, they decided on taking a tram to the inner city and explored some sights, of which many where also new to Carmilla.  
  
„I think it’s a pity that I do not know anything in German. I can’t even say basic phrases. I feel dumb.“, Laura said to her professor, while they were enjoying the view at the gardens of Schönbrunn Palace.  
  
„Maybe I could teach you a few things, so that you don’t feel like an idiot.“, they both sat down on a park bench. It was rather warm for a November. This place definitely had weird weather.  
  
„You should teach me, I mean you already are my English Lit. teacher, so you can teach me German too.“, the blonde teased.  
  
„Hmn, I get paid for the courses I do at Silas, but I wouldn’t get paid for private German lessons, now would I?“, the older woman raised an eyebrow at her counterpart.  
  
„Oh, I am sure I could find a way to repay you.“, Laura said and immediately blushed. That came out wrong. „God, I don’t mean - uh…“, Carmilla chuckled, but she was kind enough not to mention it any more.

  
„So what do you want to learn?“  
  
„I wanna be able to say thank you and please and hello and-“  
  
„Stop, stop, stop. Let’s take it step by step: So... thank you is ‚dankeschön‘“  
  
„Dankayshen?“, Laura tried to mimic.  
  
„Dankeschön. Ööööö as you would say ‚eu’ in ‚bleu‘.“  
  
„So you are now teaching me french too?“  
  
„I just thought this would be easier for you.“, Carmilla was amused by how adorable the girl in straw-blonde hair was.  
  
„Okay, so Dankesh-eu-n?“  
  
„Uh, yeah and then please would be ‚bitte‘“, Carmilla still wasn’t fully satisfied, but understood that it was the best someone, who didn’t speak the language fluently, could do.  
  
„Oh, that’s easy: bitte.“  
  
„Perfect. And you already know what ‚hello‘ is, right?“, the dark haired beauty asked.  
  
„Oh right: Guten Tag or Hallo!“, the blonde remembered.  
  
Laura smiled at her counterpart, who was now staring off into distance, where you could see the ‚Gloriette‘. Carmilla had told her student the things she knew about the palace Schönbrunn itself and then other interesting things on the empress of Austria ‚Sissi‘ and her husband Kaiser Franz Joseph. It was a nice sunny day to go sightseeing.  
  
After a while they both decided on walking somewhere they could eat their lunch. Laura had insisted on trying good Austrian food. Silas university’s canteen was hardly doing a good job on that. Carmilla was walking some steps ahead of Laura, so she turned around, because she felt something was off. She was right about that.  
  
„Laura, what are you thinking about?“  
  
„Oh, it’s nothing… It’s just really nice to be here with you… Without having to worry about who could see us together.“  
  
„Yeah I know…“, the brunette was thinking about that now too.  
  
„Can I…?“, Laura didn’t dare to ask the professor, if it was okay with her, if she held her hand, because she thought it would be denied.  
  
„What?“, Carmilla eyed the girl opposed to her in confusion.  
  
„Can I hold your hand?“, the blonde blushed a little, bringing up a smile on Carmilla’s face.  
  
„I thought you’d never ask.“  
  
When they both intertwined their fingers, it felt so right.  
  
It had to be the right decision.  
  
…  
  
„I can’t believe that you ate the whole Schnitzel.“, Carmilla said, while walking through the door to their hotel room, closing it behind her (of course she had been a gentle(wo)man and let the other woman go through first).  
  
„I told you, I was hungry.“, the blonde turned around to face her professor, who was -like her- getting out of her jacket.  
  
„You are something else, my dear.“, Carmilla said, letting herself fall onto the couch.  
  
„What am I?“, Laura took the seat beside the brunette.  
  
„I think you are… You are really cute.“, the older woman leaned in slightly as to emphasize her sentence.  
  
„You’ve said nicer things about me yesterday in your car.“, Laura licked her lips lasciviously and tilted her slightly to the side.  
  
„What…?“, that one caught Carmilla by surprise and also the lip licking thing was very distracting.  
  
„Well, yesterday you said that I was hot, and now I degraded to only _cute_.“, the blonde faked a sad tone, although her smirk gave her away. Oh she could play that game forever, now that she knew how to make Carmilla embarrassed.  
  
„Oh, well I didn’t really say it like that…“, the dark haired beauty still fixated her stare at the other girl’s lips, which caught onto that very quickly. The smirk on her grew wider.  
  
„Just so I am prepared: When are you planning on kissing me already? I can't always do that for you.“, Laura said. Since when was she so bold? Oh right, since she learned that she had certain effects on the other lady.  
  
However, Carmilla didn’t need to be told twice, she just looked at her opponent intently, before leaning in a little more and engaging Laura in a kiss. Again the brunette acted as if the other one would break, she was being gentle, maybe even too gentle. She thought that she shouldn’t rush things too much.  
  
Carmilla broke off the kiss by leaning back slightly, just like she had done at the dance two weeks ago, but she didn’t even have the time to open her eyes again, before she felt lips crush into hers again. Laura was much more aggressive than her, which surprised her a bit. Carmilla inhaled sharply, when she felt the blonde’s hand on her neck, bringing them closer together.  
  
The brunette was very stiff at first, clawing the sofa with her left hand. Was that happening right now?  
  
Slowly Carmilla’s right hand was making its way to Laura’s waist, being there all innocently. This little action made the blonde go a little step further, she now was seeking entrance with her tongue. The older woman didn’t get it at first, her teeth were blocking her counterpart’s tongue, but as she realized this, she opened up. Oh god, _that_ wasn’t awkward at all.

On further notice: Oh my god, Laura’s tongue was now in her mouth, and it -it felt really _great_.  
  
Laura was getting bolder with every move and every moan that reached her ears, because all of a sudden she found herself on top of her professor. She was kissing her teacher, in a very not so PG-13 way. Her right hand travelled from Carmilla’s neck down to her biceps and then further down to her waist. The brunette laid her hand on that of Laura, which was kind of clutching her hip bone now.

Oh god - that was Carmilla’s weak spot.  
  
„Mmmn.“, the professor mumbled into the kiss -never breaking it though- and took the hand into hers and intertwined their fingers as to stop her from sending in shivers to her spine. She couldn’t be turned on now, or at least not more than she already was. Her other hand was now moving from Laura’s waist to her lower back, pressing her slightly more into the kiss. That kiss or whatever french thing there was going on was the best feeling she had felt right until that moment.  
  
Laura’s left hand was now on the other side of her hipbone, and brushed at the slightly exposed skin. When the blonde noticed that fact, she traced her thumb gently on that little strip of showing skin, which made goosebumps erupt almost immediately. Carmilla couldn’t take it anymore and pushed the woman on top of her off by putting her right hand on her shoulder, so that they would stop kissing.  
  
Oxygen. Breathe. And meet confused eyes.  
  
„What’s wrong? Did I do anything wrong?“, Laura wanted to know, she sounded concerned.  
  
„What…?“, Carmilla sucked in her bottom lip, „No, nothing I just… Need to breathe.“  
  
Laura leaned in a little, so that their foreheads touched and looked down.  
  
„So… _That_ happened now.“, the brunette broke the silence.  
  
„Mhm… Was it not okay? Shouldn’t I have…?“  
  
When Carmilla saw the insecurity in her counterpart’s eyes, she immediately shook her head.  
  
„No, no, really that kiss was… Wow, I just… I kind of didn’t expect this.“  
  
„Hmn, you brought me here - _a hotel room_ , I might add- for a 3-day vacation, on which we were sharing a bed together, did you really think that nothing would happen?“  
  
„Maybe… I didn’t know if you wanted to… I wanted to take it slow, not rush anything with you.“, Carmilla was just entirely insecure now.  
  
„Hmn, really? When I first met you, I thought you were a lady killer… Well not exactly, I thought you were straight, but you get the point. Who would have thunk…“  
  
„What?“  
  
„That you were so old-fashioned or should I rather say _shy_?“, Laura cocked an eyebrow, the brunette shook her head a little.  
  
„I’m not actually… I am this way only around you.“, the student’s smirk was replaced by a gentle smile.

  
  
„So if you did not come here with me to only make out… Why did we go on this vacation?“, Laura genuinely wanted to know what that trip would mean for her, for the both of them. Especially now that they had kissed. She hoped that the professor wouldn’t back down again. They both slowly sat up again.  
  
Carmilla’s whole reason for going on a short trip with her student was to find out, if that all really was worth for her. In a sense it was not fair, because if she didn’t find it worthy enough, she’d have to destroy all the hopes that Laura had again. But then again, she knew exactly that this all didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t feel wrong at the stupid dance, and it didn’t feel wrong now. She’d have to risk it for once, she thought.  
  
„I guess I wanted to be with you and see, what it would be like if we had met on other terms.“, little did Carmilla know that what she said, came out in another way than intended. She actually considered engaging in some _after-class activities_ , after returning back to their town. She smacked herself internally at thinking of it as _that_ , because really? That just sounded like a name of a porno.  
  
„Hmn.“, Laura was silent and that actually was not the answer she was hoping for. It meant it didn’t lead anywhere -again. She decided on avoiding the topic, she didn’t want Carmilla to tell her that this couldn’t continue at Silas anymore (at least as long as she could keep her mouth shut).  
  
„What’s wrong?“  
  
„Nothing.“, Laura was getting up, „Uh, I just think I am going to take a shower.“  
  
„Okay?“  
  
…  
  
Laura was sitting on the bed with her laptop in front of her, looking up her schedule for the following week or other unnecessary things. Carmilla had watched her for half an hour and started wondering slowly. Something had to be wrong.  
  
„Laura, what’s wrong?“, she asked, while getting into bed too, facing her student.  
  
„Nothing.“, the blonde checked her emails for the 3rd time.  
  
„Then why aren’t you talking to me?“  
  
„I am talking to you, aren’t I?“  
  
„Look at me.“, Carmilla ordered, which to her surprise the blonde did. Her eyes were dull and not filled with the normal amount of passion or love for life, „What happened? One moment we kiss and the next I see you like this, completely ignoring me!“  
  
„Maybe _that’s_ my problem.“  
  
„What’s _that_ supposed to mean?“  
  
„Carmilla, I already told you, I don’t want that. I don’t want you to kiss me and then go off again.“  
  
„I didn’t go this time, I am right here? I am right here, next to you!“, Carmilla took Laura’s hand and forced her to look at her.  
  
„But you will. Once we are in Silas again, everything will change. We will be going back to ignoring the feelings we have towards each other and act like there is nothing.“  
  
„Yes everything will change.“, the blonde wanted to withdraw her hand, but the other woman just clutched it tighter, so she couldn’t, „We will act like there is nothing between us.“  
  
„Carmilla, let go of my hand.“  
  
„No.“, Laura pulled harder, but in vain.  
  
„Carmilla, I am begging you, please let go of my hand.“  
  
„I need you to hear me out.“, the brunette stated calmly. It was really hard to be calm about everything, but the student was so impulsive all the time. She needed someone to calm her down again.  
  
„What’s there more to say?“  
  
„Oh god could you please shut up for once?“, Laura stared at her, as if she was saying ‚ _Fine, whatever, say whatever you want._ ‘.  
  
„So, what I was saying…“, Carmilla started again, „… Is that I really like you… As in really, really like you and I know it will be hard… But I realized on this trip that I can’t ignore my feelings. I didn’t even need one day to figure it out. I know it is _so not right_ , and I am scared that this is the wrong decision, but I am willing to find out, even if it is the hard way… Well, if you are too, of course.“  
  
„What are you implying now?“, Laura didn’t understand a word of it.  
  
„I am not going to kiss you and run away from my feelings again. I am telling you that I don’t want this to end, Laura… We just… And I hate to ask this from you…“, Carmilla closed her eyes and tilted her head up a little, so that she was facing the ceiling. She never thought that this would come out of her mouth, „… If you do want _this_ to go on too, we have to keep this a secret… At least until this year at Silas is over.“  
  
Laura looked at her counterpart in disbelief.  
  
„Uh… What now?“  
  
„I mean everything I said, just think about it. I understand, if that’s not, what you want-“  
  
„We’ll do it.“, that was the student’s eager reply.  
  
„ _What?_ “  
  
„Carmilla, I don’t care, if we keep it a secret. I don’t care about that at all, if that means that we can continue seeing each other in private… I never expected it to be publicly anyways.“  
  
„Oh, wow, okay… That’s good, that really, really went better than I thought.“, Carmilla felt like floating. This trip was the best decision ever.  
  
„Yeah… So…?“  
  
„So?“  
  
„What are we? Are we like… _Officially, unofficially a thing_?“, Laura tentatively asked.  
  
Carmilla chuckled.  
  
„Yeah something like that.“  
  
  
Sometimes you have to break your principles.  
  
It had to be the right decision. It just had to be.


	9. The Principles We Set On Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second part of the trip. First date things involved.  
> Laura opens up to not being open at all.  
> A bed in a hotel room is involved.

Carmilla woke up, because of a sound that just sounded like a stupid school-bell -again. She had learnt that that sound came from the old trams in Vienna. Every time one would leave its station, it made that stupid noise.  
  
She found herself in a similar position as the last time she woke up in that hotel bed. She had Laura’s back pressed to her front and her left arm was around her waist. The blonde seemed to be sleeping though. The professor smiled to herself and snuggled in closer, leaving a kiss on Laura’s bare shoulder blade. Her tanktop didn’t do a good job at hiding much skin.  
  
They had talked a lot in the previous night. A lot of serious things as why the student was so much into journalism, and how she one day wanted to write for some important newspaper. She also told her that she sometimes wrote for the Silas Gazette, a monthly news paper about things happening around campus. Laura had also talked a lot about her mother and her childhood. Carmilla listened to every word that left the blonde’s delicate lips.  
  
Carmilla kissed the nape of Laura’s neck, smiling against her skin, which apparently woke up the sleeping beauty.  
  
„What time is it?“, Laura’s sleepy voice cut through the silence, the girl was relishing the sweet gesture.  
  
„Time to wake up, sweetheart.“, another chaste kiss to her neck.  
  
„I am hungry.“  
  
„I bet you are, we’ve been here in Vienna for 2 nights and we bailed on dinner on both of them.“  
  
„Hmnm… I don’t want to get up though…“, the student snuggled into her pillow.  
  
„Okay… So I have a preposition to make…“, Carmilla started.  
  
„No, no, no, I will not get out of bed now…“  
  
„You don’t have to -at least not now-… How about I call in room service for breakfast and we stay in and then later we can go do some more sight seeing in the first district, because we didn’t even go to St. Steven’s Cathedral yet… We will grab some street food there as our lunch and then on the evening I would like to take you out to dinner… _As a date_.“  
  
Laura slowly turned around and smiled sleepily.  
  
„Are you asking me out?“, the blonde wanted to know.  
  
„Yes, it will be our first date.“  
  
„No, our first date was on my birthday.“  
  
„Nah, that doesn’t count… We weren’t a _thing_ back then.“  
  
„So that’s actually what we call it now? A _thing_?“, Laura’s eyebrows rose up.  
  
„Do you want me to call it an affair? That has a negative bite to it.“, Carmilla rolled her eyes and got up slowly from the bed, heading to the bathroom with a set of clothes. She wasn’t ready yet to call her her girlfriend. She didn’t want to rush things.  
  
…  
  
„Carm, look! That’s really impressive, I love European buildings! That’s the thing I missed most about London, when I was in Vancouver. I mean, I didn’t remember anything from my childhood, but I remember googling London every now and then, when my mom told me about her hometown. I loved hearing her stories growing up…“, Laura pointed to the big church that was now ahead of them and smiled sadly at the memory.  
  
„Hmn, I am glad you like the sightseeing tour so far.“, Carmilla remarked.  
  
„Come on, let’s take some selfies! We don’t have any selfies! Oh my gosh we are literally the worst tourists ever!!!“, Laura exclaimed.  
  
„God, I hate selfies, I can just take pictures of you, give me your phone.“, Carmilla offered, reaching for the blonde’s phone.  
  
„Uh, no! When other people take pictures of me, I look really dumb. It is all about the right angle, Carm.“  
  
„Did you just really say that?“, the brunette said with a disbelieving facial expression.  
  
Laura was apparently serious about it.  
  
„Come on, don’t be so grumpy! It’s fun! Taking selfies alone is boring.“  
  
Carmilla was standing next to Laura, as the shorter girl took some selfies of them. The professor didn’t like any of them. She never liked smiling on command. So instead of making faces at the camera, she looked at Laura, who just randomly snapped every moment that came to her.

  
_There was one picture, where Carmilla looks at Laura, who smiles at the camera, showing off her teeth._  
  
_In the next Laura gets that Carmilla’s not looking, so she looks at her with a pout, just like a puppy._  
  
_The following one was Carmilla leaning in to kiss Laura on the cheek, and Laura fixating a spot on the concrete floor, smiling shyly._  
  
_The last photo was one, where both were sharing a little kiss. Carmilla tried to cover up the front camera -in vain- and Laura has a surprised look on her face._  
  
  
  
Laura was surprised that the professor had kissed her in public, just like that. When the blonde swiped through the photos later that day and deleted the blurry ones, she instantly fell for the one, on which Carmilla kisses her cheek. She made a folder with the pictures on her dropbox and deleted them from her phone, knowing that somebody could be scrolling through and find these. It wouldn’t be such a good idea to keep them on that device.  
  
„What is it?“, Carmilla wanted to know, as they strolled through the Kärntner Straße, a semi-fancy shopping lane.  
  
„Nothing, I’m just really happy that I am here with you. Thanks for the invite.“  
  
„I am glad to hear that.“, the brunette smiled.  
  
After discovering some tourist hotspots they both have never been to before, they settled in a Starbucks to get hot drinks.  
  
„I can’t believe that we are drinking _that_ right now!“, Carmilla chuckled and took a sip of her cappuccino, „Austria has way better coffee than that crap.“  
  
„Oi, don’t say anything against my Gingerbread Latte!“, Laura held her cup, as if it was her baby, „Don’t listen to that woman, you are precious and perfect, I swear!“  
  
„You are sweet, when your British English starts to show.“  
  
„Why? I didn’t- what did I say?“  
  
„ _Oi!_ “, Carmilla mocked Laura.  
  
„Oh shut up!“, the blonde shook her head and finally took her first sip.  
  
„Listen, earlier, when I kissed you at Stephansplatz, I didn’t really ask, if you were comfortable with me kissing you in public… I hope it was okay with you…“, Carmilla changed the subject.  
  
„It’s okay with me, don’t worry about that too much. You can kiss me where ever you like and when ever you like. I am not the one that has to hide.“  
  
Okay that came out wrong. Carmilla locked her jaw, not really knowing what to reply to that. Jeez, Hollis she’s already feeling like she’s taking advantage of you anyways, why are you making her feel worse about it?  
  
„Oh god that sounded better in my head -I didn’t mean it _that_ way, I know that this isn’t your fault.“  
  
„Yeah, no worries…“  
  
„I am sorry, Carm, I really wasn’t implying anything with that…“  
  
„I know, but... You know that I would change it, if I could, right?“  
  
„Yeah, I know and it’s okay, yeah? You don’t have to tell anyone about this. I already told you, your job comes first.“  
  
„Hmn.“, the brunette looked down and Laura’s hand patted her knee, „I actually told someone.“  
  
„What?“, Laura was confused now.  
  
Carmilla put on a smile and shook her head.  
  
„Yeah, before I decided to take this trip with you, I talked to J.P. about you.“  
  
„Who is J.P.?“, the blonde was more confused.  
  
„Oh, right. Uh, remember that guy I was with at the dance?“  
  
„The one, who’s supposed to be gay?“  
  
„Yeah exactly that one.“  
  
„Huh.“, the student took another sip of her latte.  
  
„Are you jealous? He really is gay, I swear and there is nothing to be jealous about.“, Carmilla wanted to know with a smug grin.  
  
„No I am not!“, a quick reply, too eager. No, Laura Hollis wasn’t jealous -never.  
  
„Good, because he kind of made sure that you and I… That I girl the hell up and come talk to you.“  
  
„Hmn, I think I might like him a little more now.“  
  
…  
  
„I just realized that I did not bring anything fancy here.“, Laura said, while going through her bag.  
  
„You don’t have to get all dolled up.“  
  
„Yeah right, you are saying that, because _you_ actually thought of bringing a dress.“  
  
„My mother taught me to always be prepared to dress for any occasion.“, Carmilla smiled, as she lay out said article of clothing on the couch.  
  
„You can’t wear _that_ , if I have to go all casual.“, Laura said, while eyeing it. It sure was a nice dress, and would make the professor look better than she already did, but that just wasn’t happening. Carmilla sighed in defeat.  
  
„Fine.“  
  
A cell phone went off in just that moment. It was the blonde’s, the caller ID said ‚LaF‘.  
  
„Oh shit, I forgot to tell anyone I wasn’t home… What do I say?“, Laura said in a slightly panicked state.  
  
„You can’t tell anyone that you are with me, you know that right?“  
  
„Right, of course. Maybe it won’t even come up, so I don't have to lie!“, the student said and picked up.  
  
  
  
„Uh, hey LaF… What? No I sound like usual… Uh, I can bring them to you on Sunday night… I don’t have my papers with me right now… Yeah, I am not home until Sunday…“, Carmilla watched the other girl in the room intently, „No, I just needed to get some space, you know things haven’t been particularly easy on me in the past few days.“  
  
The brunette wondered, if that had anything to do with her, she was sorry if that was the case.  
  
„I went on a short trip in Vienna… Yeah, alone... Oh my god, you sound just like my dad… Don’t worry okay? I can perfectly take care of myself… I gotta go though now… Yeah, I will, thanks.“, Laura hung up.  
  
„And? Does she suspect anything?“, the professor asked.  
  
„ _They_ … LaF is non-binary.“, Laura corrected.  
  
„Oh, sorry, I didn’t know. Do _they_ suspect anything?“  
  
„No they don’t, I think.“  
  
„Good.“, Carmilla sighed and flopped down on the sofa with a sigh.  
  
„What is it?“, the student asked, as she did the same, opposed to the older woman.  
  
„Nothing, I just feel really bad for asking you to lie to your friends…“  
  
„Don’t worry about it, really! If the situation wasn’t like this, I probably still would have lied to them, they tend to get over-protective at times.“, Laura tentatively took one of Carmilla’s hands in hers and squeezed it.  
  
The brunette met her eyes, which were now silently trying to reassure her. Carmilla smiled, not the most genuine smile Laura had seen, but still she did smile.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla had made reservations at a restaurant in walking distance to their hotel, which came in handy for several reasons: 1. Laura really liked walking in the dark, 2. they could both enjoy alcoholic beverages, 3. they wouldn’t need too long to get back home.  
  
They were walking quietly under the starlit sky, but the the silence was not awkward at all. The city was glowing in a different light, because all the christmas decorations were already set up and christmas markets were emerging here and there out of nowhere, to signalize that the holidays were coming.  
  
Laura hesitantly put her hand where Carmilla’s right hand was dangling from her body. The brunette didn’t seem to mind, because she quickly intertwined their fingers together, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.  
  
It felt like it. Even though they weren’t really together yet, only ‚casually’ dating (in Carmilla’s mind there was a big difference between dating someone and calling them your girlfriend -two _totally_ different things!).  
  
It felt like they had known each other for years. Carmilla remembered feeling like that on the roof back in October too, she’d never told any almost-strangers personal things about her. She smiled to herself at that memory. How willing she was back then not to let exactly this situation with Laura happen.  
  
And look at her now. She was walking the streets hand in hand with the most captivating girl she’d ever met.  
  
The restaurant Carmilla had reserved a table in, was now in their line of sight. Its lights were glistening from afar (they all really knew how to decorate over here in that big city). The brunette laughed a little in her head. Vienna was definitely not that big of a city, she’d seen a lot more crowded cities, and was sure Laura had too, but it was charming in many ways.  
  
When the brunette came to a halt, Laura was soon to get the clue.  
  
„Oh, so is that the place where we are having our dinner?“  
  
„It’s a steak restaurant. It was highly recommended on trip advisor.“  
  
„Alright, _Ms. Karnstein_ , if you say so.“  
  
Carmilla looked at her with raised eye brows and in slight amusement.  
  
„You are only allowed to call me that in class.“  
  
„Oh, I am sure I could put that to use somewhere else too.“, Laura winked and stepped through the now open door.  
  
The professor shook her head in disbelief. Oh god, that student of hers seemed so innocent, when she had met her first. _Still waters run deep_. That was a saying right? Although Laura was not really that still, she was very lively and occasionally could ramble on things for hours. About the **deep** part -Carmilla cleared her throat, after her thoughts had gone to a strange direction. There were too many sexual innuendos made in the last few minutes (even though most were made in her head).  
  
„Hallo, ich hab’ auf den Namen Karnstein reserviert um 19 Uhr.“, whatever Carmilla had said, it made Laura’s heart swell up in her chest. She found it attractive, when the professor talked in German, which was strange, because she always thought of German to be a edgy and cold language, but when the brunette spoke it, it was something completely different. It sounded like a waterfall of wonderfully flowing words.  
  
(Translation: _Hello, I have made reservations on the name ‚Karnstein‘ at 7pm_.)  
  
They both were lead far back to the restaurant at a corner with a round table with two chairs, Carmilla wanted to have some privacy with Laura on her first date with her.  
  
After they were seated, the blonde let her gaze wander through the restaurant. It was nice, dimly lit, as to produce a somewhat romantic atmosphere. Laura now felt bad for not bringing a dress or at least a skirt or something. Anything was better than what she was wearing, and she’d get the sight of Carmilla in her dress. Damn it, why didn’t she?  
  
„Do you want something specific to drink, or can I order for you?“, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
„No, I don’t have a special wish. Go ahead, surprise me.“  
  
When the waiter came with their menus, the professor started to talk in German again, oh how delightful that sound was and also the sight, because it seemed like she really knew, what she was talking about. She knew exactly how to talk to people. Her gestures and her smiles were to die for.  
  
„Ich fang mal mit der reizenden Dame an, die da gegenüber sitzt. Sagen Sie mal, was haben Sie denn da für süße Weine? Wir nehmen den Süßesten, den sie haben. Sie da drüben ist eine Süße.“, the waiter suddenly started smiling at the blonde.  
  
(Translation: _I’m gonna start with the lovely lady that is accompanying me. Can you recommend any sweet wines, like really sweet. That one over there is a sweet one._ )  
— That’s how we say that someone likes sweet things.  
  
„That’s mean, I don’t understand a word.“, Laura defended herself, noticing the gazes on her. The other two laughed a little and Carmilla was back to ordering again, they mumbled a few more words, until the waiter nodded and smiled at Laura warmly as to show her that he was well aware of her presence.  
  
„Dankeshen“, Laura said and smiled back, hoping that this would fit in.  
  
(Translation: _Laura being cute_.)  
  
…  
  
After the waiter had brought the two ladies their very own bottle of gold vino, and poured each a little into their wine glasses, he took in the food orders. Laura (in her own adorable way) thanked the man in German again and took a sip of the liquid.  
  
„Mhm that’s good. Fruity and sweet, I like.“  
  
„Kind of figured that one out, sweetheart.“, Carmilla smiled, rather amused by the fact how cute her counterpart was. She stared a little, well aware of the fact, but she couldn’t avert her gaze.  
  
„What is it?“, the blonde blushed a little, looking back to the menu set in front of her.  
  
„I think, I haven’t told you yet, how beautiful you are.“, Laura’s warm brown eyes met Carmilla’s.  
  
The student didn’t add a comment to that, her look was response enough, at least she hoped so, but of course she was not right. It indicated the quite opposite. She never could take a compliment without her head turning red like a tomato.  
  
„Are you okay?“, the brunette leaned in on a arm, which was propped up on the table.  
  
„I am great. I am just engraving my mind with exactly this moment.“  
  
A soft smile played on Carmilla’s lips.  
  
…  
  
„Carm? Can I ask you a question? You mentioned something the day you showed me my dorm room and then later on the night on the roof and you mentioned something yesterday… But I kind of don’t know if I should ask…“, Laura tentatively tried to start on a topic, she anticipated the brunette to get upset about, but the journalist in her started to show.  
  
„Hmn.“, Carmilla swallowed down, before continuing, „Go ahead, ask.“  
  
„Okay, so… You said that you only wanted to finish your habilitation… And that you weren’t so keen on staying at Silas… That you would be here for a year. So I was just wondering, what all that is about.“  
  
„Oh boy, you’ve picked quite the subject, sweetheart.“, the dark haired beauty said, taking a sip of her wine, „But I am going to give you an answer… So, there are a lot of reasons I don’t want to be at Silas after my habilitation’s completed. For starters I don’t get along with my mother so much, as you might have noticed… And then there is the fact that Silas isn’t really the place I would want to grow roots on. I don’t want to get stuck in that small town we live in. And…“, Carmilla cleared her throat and eyed her wine glass. A sad smile emerged on her face.  
  
„And…?“, Laura got the sudden mood change, she wished she hadn’t asked, but was still eager to know the answer.  
  
„And then of course there is the fact that being a professor was never my absolute dream job.“  
  
The journalism student raised her eyebrows in disbelief and surprise.  
  
„But you are so good at what you do…“  
  
„Yeah well, of course I am. that’s what I was brought up to be, My destiny was, or is, to be my mother’s puppet. She taught me so that I would turn out to be exactly what she wanted me to be. I mean, it is not so bad, it is a great job and I love working with you guys, but I never wanted to do that for the rest of my life…“  
  
„So what do you want then? What’s Carmilla Karnstein’s biggest dream?“  
  
Carmilla was surprised, no one had ever asked her that. She was always pushed to go certain ways. Her choice was never merely considered. Her opinion was never asked. Her mother had told her to do things and she obliged. However, there she was, successful, but still empty at heart.  
  
„Hmn, wouldn’t you like to know?“, the brunette said, but gave her counterpart, what she wanted, „Well, I always wanted to be a writer. It’s always been a dream of mine to contribute to the world literature.“, for the first time Laura saw something other than the vast aloofness in those dark eyes, when she talked about a topic not involving them both.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
„I can totally see that in you!“, Laura nodded her head and pictured her professor doing said thing. Creating a world full of mysteries and great adventures.  
  
„What? Don’t like me as your good looking, and might I add very smart teacher anymore?“  
  
„You’re lucky that conceit suits you, my dear.“, Laura said with a chuckle, „But that’s not what I meant, I just mean, you could be a great writer, you see things a lot of people don’t see. I think you could make use of that to bring it into your own work. I never was good at things like these. I wouldn’t ever be able to write fiction, I am more of the ‚write about facts‘ girl.“  
  
„That’s why _you_ are _my_ student.“, Carmilla said smugly and then mimicked her counterpart’s words, „ _My dear_. You are taking my seminar to learn from me after all.“  
  
„I guess so…“, the blonde poured herself another glass of wine, the other woman noticed and smirked at that.  
  
„Shall I order another bottle?“, the professor asked in a tone lower than usual, making Laura look up, because she wasn’t used to that certain tone anymore. She had guessed that was the voice the professor spoke in, when she would try to seduce people. Not that she wasn’t already drawn into that delicate body and soul, but she felt herself melting away a little more at that raspy voice.  
  
Oh right, gotta answer, Laura!  
  
„Uh… Oh… No, we don’t wanna get drunk here…“  
  
„I’m sure you are ahead of me. I mean I wouldn’t dare to keep up with you. I have to stay sober, so that I can tuck you into bed safely.“  
  
„Hmn, but wine has brought us together, hasn’t it?“ Laura bit her tongue after that one. Together. They weren’t really together yet… Or were they? They definitely had to talk about that. Defining it as a _thing_ was rather confusing. Who uses that word anyways to define a relationship?  
  
„Why is that?“  
  
„Because, if memory serves me correctly, we met when I was having trouble with a certain bottle of red vino.“, Laura chuckled lightly, the memory of the mentioned night flickering through her brain.  
  
„Oh yes, that night I will never forget.“, Carmilla said, relaxing into a gentle smile.  
  
  
  
  
It had gotten quiet and Carmilla thought of a question she wanted an answer to. Something had come to her mind during their date, „Were you ever in love, like really, deeply in love?“  
  
„I guess for that to answer I would have to know if your definitions of love meet mine, because I like to think I have experienced it, but…“, Laura didn’t finish her sentence.  
  
„Danny?“, the brunette asked calmly, although she didn’t really like talking about the tall redhead.  
  
„No… I am talking about a girlfriend I had back in London.“  
  
„Oh?“, Carmilla was surprised to hear that. Not that the student wasn’t pretty, beautiful and really sexy, but still the brunette hadn’t really invested much thought about the London-Laura-Era.  
  
„She was actually my first love.“  
  
„We always cherish our firsts and have a vacant spot open for them in our hearts. Even if we are no longer engaged with them, or feel in that way for them anymore. They are the ones that show us what love can be like and some set their bars to their first love. Or others lose faith in the word _love_ …“, Carmilla trailed off. Laura watched her intently, she wanted to ask her about that, but it didn’t feel right to ask yet.  
  
„Hmn, that’s an interesting view on it, but I guess you are right…“  
  
„So what was it for you then? Did you start to set the bar high for the love you have experienced with your first love or were you disappointed in ever having handed out your heart to someone?“  
  
„I have never actually loved anyone deeply enough, to trust them fully. I set principles on how deep to fall in love with a person. It never was a problem for me to have boundaries, I was always happy with the way things were. However the people I have been in a relationship with… Not so much. But to answer your question: I think I set my bars high before even experiencing my first love, so there's that.“, Laura’s was surprised by her own answer. She never had thought about that in that extent, but it was true.  
  
„Those who prefer their principles over their happiness, they refuse to be happy outside the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness.“, Carmilla loved that quote and it seemed to fit into that moment. Laura looked at her in confusion.  
  
Carmilla explained further, „Love doesn’t mean the same to everyone. Some go by principles and others follow their heart. I never would have guessed that you think about love that way though, to be honest.“  
  
Carmilla never thought about the fact that the student may have issues in that field. She was the first one to admit her feelings to her after all. Maybe one day she would tell her what the thing was that was holding her back, but then again, maybe she hadn’t just found the right person for that. Maybe Carmilla was the person that would make her do that. The brunette internally shook her head, realizing that the thought of love was too soon for them. _Love._ What a silly four letter word that still conveyed so many things.  
  
She trailed off in her thoughts, although still paying attention to her counterpart, who wasn’t saying anything anyways. Laura had seemed so loving and caring, but Carmilla slowly started to realize that maybe the reason she liked the blonde that much was the fact that she was just as broken as her apparently. That was something she never had seen in others. The comfort Laura gave to her, as if she knew exactly what she was feeling, although feeling it out of different reasons was remarkable.  
  
„Yeah, love really doesn’t mean the same to everyone.“  
  
Was Laura setting principles over her own happiness or the love she let in? Didn’t that mean that she never would be out of her comfort zone?  
  
Laura always was afraid of losing someone too close to her. Her mother’s death didn’t help that much with that issue and so she developed a special defense mechanism to keep her lovers at distance, when things became too serious. Her heart only belonged solely to herself. It wasn’t healthy and ruined a lot of things in her previous relationships. She was aware of that.  
  
She has always kept her biggest secret from them. She was sure if they knew her to the full extent, they wouldn’t have loved her in the first place. Even though things were going good with Carmilla now, she still was sure that she wouldn’t be able to share that part of her with her. Maybe the brunette wouldn’t even be interested in her, if she knew how screwed up she was. She couldn’t show her, how broken she really was, Carmilla did know a too much in that matter anyways.. She had never told anyone about her mother so soon after meeting them for the first time.  
  
The professor eyed her counterpart meticulously, as to decipher what was going on behind those beautiful brown eyes. Something was off now, but she didn’t want to ruin the evening by asking further, she instead tried to lighten up the mood, when her mind caught onto the fact that the restaurant was not that full anymore.  
  
Carmilla checked her clock, it was way past 11pm. Their waiter had already cleared the table a long time ago. When did that happen? How had they been sitting there for so long and not noticing the time?  
  
The professor never had spent a first date like this, not that she’d been to a real one in the past years, but she remembered them not being so long. She hoped that the topic they had been talking about few minutes ago wouldn’t be ruining the evening.  
  
Maybe someday Carmilla could make Laura to go past her principles, like she did for her. Just maybe Carmilla would be able to crumble down those walls the journalism student had build up around herself, but the future was way ahead of them and the today was important now. She would take her time to get to know Laura better, it was no fling for her. She really had strong feelings for that girl, which was odd, she never fell for someone that fast. It scared her a little.  
  
  
  
„Wanna get out of here?“, Carmilla asked her counterpart.  
  
„Why, are you already bored?“, Laura replied with a question, the playfulness hiding her deep sorrows.  
  
„No! Not at all, quite the opposite actually, so if you’d like to stay… I just didn’t know, if you wanted to…“  
  
„No, you are right, it’s getting pretty late and we have to hit the road tomorrow…“, Laura said and was actually really thankful for the offer. A breeze of fresh air would do good. She didn’t want to dwell on that topic too much.  
  
„Hmn, yes okay, I’ll get the check.“, Carmilla said, when turning around to indicate the waiter that she wanted to pay.  
  
…  
  
„I really enjoyed the dinner, thanks Carm.“, Laura broke the silence, as they were slowly approaching their hotel again. All of the heavy thoughts already were out of her system again. The cool air really did help.  
  
„Glad to hear that, sweetheart. I really enjoyed your company.“  
  
„Can we just walk for a little longer? I like the bright lights, they're so festive.“  
  
„Of course.“, Carmilla smiled to the girl next to her and then shifted her gaze to the paved street they were walking on.  
  
The walk had been good, both were on their regular topics again, talking about some weird line Laura had found in the novel they were currently reading in class. They completely forgot the slight tension at the table, when the brunette had asked Laura about her perceptions of love.

 

  
  
Carmilla unlocked the door with her hotel-keycard and let Laura slip in first. After she locked the door, she felt hands on both of her shoulder blades. Both moved delicately slow to the front of her wool coat and slowly grabbed it by the collar, gently sliding the piece of clothing off Carmilla’s arms. The coat was taken off in a smooth movement and Laura let it touch the floor.  
  
The brunette turned around to confront Laura about it, because that piece surely had been expensive as hell and shouldn’t land on the floor- but all of that vanished, when the blonde stepped closer, intently staring at her, taking her presence in, lowering her gaze from her eyes to her lips.  
  
Oh Carmilla knew, what that meant, but Laura froze in place. That had to be fixed.  
  
„Considering the fact that I just took you out to dinner, _you_ should be the one to kiss _me_ now, don’t you think?“, Carmilla suggested with a whisper. Smug face game on.  
  
„Hmn yeah of course…“, Laura flung her arms around Carmilla’s neck, „… _Because what would a first date be_ …“, they stood dangerously close to each other, „… _Without a kiss_?“, with that the blonde placed a chaste kiss on the professor’s cheek.  
  
Carmilla felt the hot breath on her skin, sending shivers down every bone there was in her body. She caught on to the faint alcoholic smell in her breath, they had been drinking after all. They looked at each other intently, no one moving an inch. Carmilla’s hands had found their place on Laura’s back, stroking upwards slowly and when they reached the student’s shoulder blades, they made their way back down.  
  
„That’s how you kiss all of your dates?“, Carmilla asked, in a low husky voice.  
  
„No, only the ones I like to tease.“, Laura replied.  
  
„Well, if that’s the case… I have to be satisfied with what I get, huh?“, the brunette let go of the girl opposing her and got out of her embrace. She passed her and got rid of her shoes and hung up her coat, before slowly getting into bed and making herself comfortable on her back.  
  
Laura couldn’t believe, what just had happened. She was a little tipsy and that meant she was a little bolder than usual, so she was sure she could fix this in no time. Laura also got out of her shoes and crossed the room to the bed, laying down next to her date. She eyed Carmilla suspiciously.  
  
The dark haired beauty propped herself up on an elbow, to be able to face her counterpart. Laura mimicked her motion, but before she did that, she made sure there was enough proximity between them, namely: _a lot_.  
  
„What is it?“, Carmilla asked, fully aware of the almost nonexistent space between them. Laura’s elbow was touching hers and the warmth radiating off her body reached the brunette’s, telling her that she was awfully close.  
  
„Nothing.“  
  
Oh, Carmilla knew how to play this game too well, the student gave up and reached forwards with her arm, resting her hand on her professor’s cheek. She leaned in slightly, but Carmilla wouldn’t have it so easily.  
  
„You’ve had your chance, sweetheart.“  
  
Laura knew that the woman opposing her was doing that entirely on purpose, but she really didn’t want to prove the point and be stubborn at that moment. She wanted to kiss her already, so she went for it. If the dark haired beauty wouldn’t have it any other way, she’d have to take, what she wanted. Her lips met Carmilla’s in a quick motion, both a little surprised by how bold it started off (Laura was very aggressive, when it came to that apparently), but that didn’t matter in that moment.  
  
They hadn’t kissed properly since that incident on the couch on the previous day, so the tension was almost palpable. At least this time the tongue issue was not awkward at all.  
  
Carmilla put her left hand on Laura’s neck to pull her in closer, but changed her mind, as she shortly after that shoved her, so that the younger woman was now lying on her back. The student was going to complain, but then the dark haired beauty hovered above her and stared down at her with a smirk.  
  
She leaned in again for a kiss or two (or hundred; that didn’t really matter). Laura’s hands were exploring the body above her. Her right hand decided to rest on the brunette’s left shoulder, so that she could pull her in, if needed, clutching her shirt. She knew, how shy Carmilla had gotten the previous night, when they were about to make out properly, now she wasn’t allowed to stop it. The blonde made sure of letting her know that.  
  
Laura’s left hand found it’s way to Carmilla’s back pocket of her jeans. She just tugged some fingers in, not moving them though, only applying pressure here and there. No, that was not groping, if you didn’t do it really actively.  
  
_Of course not, Laura, you sneaky thing!_  
  
Carmilla’s hands were tangled in masses of hair (also some of her own), because having to kiss a girl, who had long hair too, could be challenging sometimes. The blonde’s left hand crept back up from Carmilla’s back pocket, to help out the woman on top of her. They broke the kiss for a short amount of time, when Laura used her hand to brush off some strands of hair that had been interfering with their lip-lock.  
  
„Have I already told you that you look beautiful tonight?“, Carmilla said huskily, before leaning in again. The student could only nod during the kiss. She really didn’t feel like talking right now. Her tongue was used for other much more enjoyable things.  
  
Laura’s right hand trailed it’s way from Carmilla’s shoulder to the collar of her white shirt. That annoying thing of clothing needed to be discarded, of that the student was sure. She swiftly popped open the first button with one hand, several others to follow. When she was done and the shirt was parted, she roamed around that newly exposed skin. Oh my god, she realized that she was now naked -well kind of half naked at least. She didn’t dare to look just yet, because she was aware of the fact that that would break their kiss. She settled on just touching for now.  
  
Carmilla was so engaged in the kiss that she actually didn’t notice all of this revealing her torso thing, until a hand was softly caressing the area around her ribcage. This single action made her whole body tense and she took in a sharp breath. This whole thing was going to a new level.  
  
_1st base? Check! 2nd base? Double check!_  
  
After some time of sharing really wet kisses (although they both knew that their upper lips weren’t the only lips that were wet) Laura actually somehow managed to switch positions, so that she was now the one straddling the brunette beneath her, who was a sight of delight from the upper angle. Lips parted, lose curls of dark hair disheveled, eyes filled with lust. Simply perfect.  
  
Laura leaned in for another kiss, when she felt a hand trail up under her own shirt. It felt as if fire was burning her skin, slowly igniting every little cell in her small body. The bold student stopped kissing Carmilla's lips and turned her attention to her jaw, slowly trailing off to her neck, where her pulse point was near to bursting because of the rapid heartbeat. The brunette enjoyed it very much and it was great, oh yes it was -until she realized, where this was headed.  
  
That damn brain started to think again.  
  
„Wait.“, Carmilla’s voice came in like a blur, but Laura did immediately as she was told and faced the woman under her, whose ribcage was moving up and down quickly. Still beautiful that one.  
  
„What is it?“, Laura was in a sitting position, still straddling the woman beneath her.  
  
„I am sorry, but we can’t- this can’t happen… Not now… Not like _this_ …“, the teacher managed to say, earning a confused look from her counterpart.  
  
_What a mood killer._  
  
„Laura, I care about you… A lot actually and I really, _really_ want this to happen, don’t get me wrong. But preferably when our minds are clear and we both want it without any alcohol involved.“  
  
This made perfect sense to Laura, who now moved away and lied down next to the exposed Carmilla, facing her as she placed her head on her propped up elbow.  
  
„Oh god, I zoned this out.“, Carmilla said, while pointing to her own very half naked torso. She sat up a bit and fastened up 2 buttons to at least feign some decency. She buried her head into her hands and groaned.  
  
„Aren’t you gonna say something?“, the brunette asked and looked back to where Laura was lying, still staring at her.  
  
„Are you mad at me now?“, Carmilla was now opposing her student with an apologetical facial expression. Insecurity was mixed in too.  
  
„I ruined our night, didn’t I?“  
  
Laura’s gaze wandered over the body that was in front of her, missing the feeling she had few moments ago, but her lips curled up into a tiny smile. She understood and she agreed with what Carmilla had said.  
  
„No I am not mad. A little frustrated maybe, but definitely not mad.“  
  
„Of course you are… I am such an idiot…“, Carmilla shut her eyes close and let herself fall back into the pillow again.  
  
„Carm.“, Laura propped herself a little bit more, so she could look down on the dark haired beauty, „It’s okay, and I agree with you. This wouldn’t be right. We barely really started dating… I mean this uh, you know… And we probably would be regretting it tomorrow… So, no I really am not mad at all.“  
  
The blonde took Carmilla’s hand into hers and placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand.  
  
„Are you sure?“, the professor’s eyes flew open again, to look into those soft brown eyes.  
  
„Yes, I am not mad, I am telling you.“  
  
„Okay.“  
  
Everything was good. Nothing was ruined.  
  
They would take it slow. Every thing was how it was supposed to be.


	10. The Lull Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vacation has come to an end.  
> LaF's got some exciting news.  
> Carm's crushing on Laura.  
> Angst may be coming.

„I had a really good time with you.“, Laura said, breaking the silence they both were in during their car ride back home. Only 1 hour separated them from Silas University and Campus.  
  
„That’s great, I am so glad that you decided to come. After the talk we’ve had before, I wasn’t even sure, if you’d let me in in the first place.“, Carmilla replied and put her hand on the blonde’s knee. Laura smiled at her and put her own on top of that on her knee.  
  
„I was just really relieved that you didn’t come to tell me that we couldn’t see each other anymore…“  
  
„You were?“, of course Carmilla knew the answer to that one. Her smile never left her lips.  
  
Laura took in a long breath, she knew that what she was about to say, would be very important.  
  
„Look, Carmilla, I have to tell you something. Something that I hope you know already, because I don’t want you to worry about _this_ so much. I know that you are scared about this whole thing… But, listen I am fine with the way things will have to go, I don’t care how distant you are when we are in public and I won’t ever do anything that makes you regret this decision that you made. Your job will always come first and I won’t tell anyone about this, not even LaF. But I don’t want you to feel bad about this, because contrary to your belief that you are taking advantage of me… Don’t forget that I am the one, who crossed the line when I told you about my feelings. So I just need you to stop thinking this is wrong, I need you to change that or otherwise this won’t work.“  
  
„Laura, I don’t think it’s wrong.“, Carmilla said, her eyes were focussing on the street, „…Well not anymore.“  
  
„Just like that?“  
  
„No, not just like that. When we were on our way to Vienna, I immediately knew it wasn’t wrong. You just have to be patient with me, and understand my situation. It’s not just about the teacher/student issue or my mother either. I haven’t been involved with someone in a long time. And now this is far from normal, I know and that’s what scared me at first. I go fall for someone who should not be available to me, but-“  
  
„Not this again.“ Available to me. That sounded rather…  
  
„No, let me finish. I want you to know that I don’t think it’s a mistake. I just need time to warm up with this.“  
  
„Okay, time I can give you.“  
  
„That’s all I am asking for. Being back in Silas will change a lot. We have to be more careful. We have to go back to my place, when we want to be unseen together… I can’t hang in your dorm room, when I want to see you. Your friends could come visit you every now and then… We have to really plan out the times we see each other outside from university a-“  
  
„Wow, you sure have thought about this a lot, huh?“, Laura said a little surprised.  
  
„Well, of course, I mean we are kind of dating right? I want to see m- uh you know… I want to see you.“  
  
„It’s sweet, and I want to see you too, outside of classes I mean.“  
  
  
  
  
  
Carmilla stiffened in her seat, when she saw the SU flags on the street lamp posts, when turning to the street. They were back now and would have to be careful around each other as of that moment. When the brunette drove past Laura’s dorm, said blonde got suspicious.  
  
„Carm, that was my dorm… Where are you taking me?“  
  
„I just want to be able to say a proper goodbye to you, I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other until Wednesday in class.“, the professor said.  
  
„We won’t?“, there was a hint of sadness in Laura’s voice.  
  
„I don’t know, sweetheart, I have a lot of preparations to make and as do you. Have you done all the research for our seminar on Wednesday?“  
  
„Yeah, I have. I kind of had a little spare time last week.“  
  
Carmilla pulled over in a narrow street with no street lights. The only lighting there was, was Carmilla's car's xenon lights.  
  
„Oh god, are you going to murder me now?“, the student asked playfully.  
  
„Don’t you feel safe around me?“, Carmilla asked and she really meant the question.  
  
Laura’s gaze met hers. „I do.“  
  
A clacking sound filled the short period of silence and Laura jumped up a little.  
  
„Relax, I just locked the doors, so that you can feel safe and kiss me goodbye with no worries about getting murdered.“, Carmilla chuckled and looked rather amused by how scared the blonde was. The area around Silas, _as though dark and mysterious_ , was no place to have fear.  
  
Laura turned to smile at her, unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned in, „Oh is that so?“  
  
„Hmn.“, Carmilla met her passenger half-way, their noses touched and the brunette leaned in a little more, so that their lips would touch too.

  
„I will miss this.“, the blonde said, when pulling back from the lip-lock.  
  
„It won’t be too long.“  
  
„I know, I just…“  
  
_Like kissing you? Like staring at you? Like spending time with you?_  
  
„What?“, Carmilla encouraged her counterpart to tell her what was on her mind.  
  
„I feel like, when you drive away, all of this will have been a dream.“  
  
„Hey, don’t worry about that okay? I won’t go anywhere… I promise you… How about I take you out to dinner or lunch next week…? Let me just find something out of town… We’ll make this work ok?“  
  
„Hmn yeah… I actually liked that Greek place, where we went to dinner last month.“  
  
„Okay, we can go there.“, Carmilla smiled and lifted her right hand to bury it into the dark straw-blonde hair of the girl opposing her.  
  
Laura leaned into the touch and closed her eyes, breathing in sharply. She wanted to remember her touch, her smell, but also her appearance, so she opened her eyes again to be met with tired ones. Go figure, the professor had just spent 3 hours in her car driving back home.  
  
„You should drive home, get some sleep. You don’t look that well.“, Laura said, while playing with a loose strand of dark hair.  
  
„Gee, thanks. You sure know how to compliment a woman.“  
  
„No I didn’t mean _that_. You are beautiful and you know it, but you should really rest, it’s been a long journey and I can only imagine how you must be feeling.“  
  
„I know.“, the brunette whispered, her hand still in blonde half-curled hair.  
  
Carmilla unbuckled her own seatbelt and shifted a little to be closer to Laura. She leaned over the middle console of her car and put her left hand on the blonde’s shoulder and pulled her towards herself lightly and gently began to kiss her again. Both inhaled deeply and relished the kiss that was going to be the final one, before heading into their every day lives.  
  
Laura pulled away, kissed Carmilla’s cheek and pressed her forehead to the brunette’s shoulder.  
  
„We can’t be here forever, Carm.“  
  
„I know.“, the professor groaned and quickly pulled back, now sitting properly in a driver’s position.  
  
Laura smiled and did the same thing, her counterpart did moments before: she leaned over the console for another quick peck and chuckled.  
  
„Drive, before I beg you to take me with you to your place.“  
  
„Alright.“, Carmilla buckled herself in, as did her passenger and she started the engine.  
  
Being with her had changed everything.  
  
How had she ever considered not being with her?  
  
It was the right decision. Carmilla’s heart fluttered.  
  
…  
  
Laura paced back and forth. LaFontaine had called her and told her that they wanted to meet her and that it was urgent. Did they suspect something? She hoped they didn’t. Carmilla trusted her not to say anything about it, and she was so determined to keep it that way. She didn’t want to jeopardize their relationship - _whatever that was_ \- right away.  
  
A knock brought her back and she tried to regain her composure and crossed the room to open the door.  
  
„Took you long enough!“, LaF almost shouted, as they made their way to sit on Laura’s bed.  
  
„Hey… Uh, do you want anything to drink or eat?“  
  
„No, I just had lunch. I actually would have met you there, but when you said you were home, I just thought I’d stop by here.“  
  
„Yeah, I only have one journalism class in the afternoon today. Monday’s never are busy for me.“  
  
„Right…“  
  
„So, what did you want to talk to me about?“, the blonde sat beside her friend. She was nervous and started to play with her hands in her lap. LaF was too apparently.  
  
„I sort of told Perry that I liked her more than as a friend on Thanksgiving.“  
  
„Oh, you… Wait a second, you _did_?!?! Um, how did she take it?“  
  
„Well… It was…“, LaF was struggling with words, „She ran away.“  
  
„Oh my god, I am so sorry.“, Laura suddenly didn’t feel as anxious anymore. It wasn’t about her, but she still felt bad for her friend.  
  
„That’s not the end of it… She actually came by to see me yesterday and we talked about it…“  
  
„Sooo, what did she say?“

There was a long pause.  
  
„I think we might be going out on a date this Friday.“. LaFontaine was smiling widely.  
  
Laura gave them a happy and excited smile.  
  
„Oh my gosh, you are?! I am so happy for you!“, she embraced her friend in a hug.  
  
„Yeah, it was kind of great. You know, she came by and we talked about it and at first I just wanted to pass out, because you know I thought she was gonna tell me that we couldn’t be friends anymore, but then… It all worked out Laura. We sorted things out and she told me that she had feelings for me too and was too scared to tell me. And then she asked me out on a date.“  
  
„That’s so great!“, Laura thought about how Carmilla practically had done the same thing. She shook her head, because it was weird, how everything turned out to be good for both of them.  
  
LaFontaine looked at her with an apologetical smile, because they realized that she wasn’t in a good place (little did they know).  
  
„I am sorry Laura, I didn’t know, who to tell, you are my closest friend here after all… I know that you and a _certain lady_ aren’t in your best place right now…“  
  
„Oh, no don’t worry about me. Everything’s fine with us.“  
  
„Really? So you talked?“, the redheaded friend was clearly surprised at the revelation.  
  
A wave of panic rode in, Laura shook her head vigorously.  
  
„No, I don’t mean that. I just mean that I am over it. If Carmilla doesn’t want to talk to me about us, I just have to forget about it, I guess.“  
  
„You seem to take it well.“, LaF remarked.  
  
„I have to hold it up. It’s not that I can help it.“, Laura shrugged. She felt bad lying to her friend.  
  
„Jeez, she is a giant scumbag for doing that to you. What are you going to do about it now?“  
  
„She is not, I get it, it’s her job… As for me… I’ll try keeping it as professional as I can manage, I guess.“, that was the first truth she told. She felt bad that they insulted Carmilla, but the professor wanted their personal life to be a secret and Laura actually did too.  
  
They would have to keep it to themselves.  
  
…  
  
Wednesday rolled in quicker than both of the _unofficially, officially_ dating ladies had thought. Both had texted during the two days they hadn’t seen each other, but the blonde didn’t like the lack of personal exchanges. Laura found herself sitting in room 307 and listening to music, when the door opened and a certain dark haired beauty came in. She beamed at her.  
  
„Hi there Ms. Hollis.“, Carmilla said with a knowing smile and put her satchel on the ground beside her desk.  
  
„Hello to _you_ too.“  
  
Both checked the door, to see if anyone was coming in. Laura got up a with a note in her hand and jumped up a little, when someone decided to barge in on them. Those mini-heart attacks would be her daily life now, she thought. She froze in place, the student that entered didn’t even acknowledge her actually, but still it was scary.  
  
„Did you want to give me something, Ms. Hollis?“, the professor asked calmly.  
  
„Oh, yes, I had some trouble with my paper for journalism and thought that I could give it to you and you could tell me, if it’s any good.“, Laura said, looking back to the intruder, who still didn’t give a damn about them. He was invested in his book.  
  
Carmilla eyed her counterpart suspiciously. She wanted her to read her paper? That was odd, but she held out her hand and took the said paper. She smiled, when she got the hint. It wasn’t really something Laura wrote -well actually it was, but not what she said it was. She smiled, when she saw the question written out in a sloppy handwriting.  
  
_‚Wanna go out to dinner on Friday with me? I’ll buy.‘_  
  
Carmilla smiled back to Laura, put out her phone and typed in a message for her to read.  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I’ll pick you up at 6, since you don’t have a car :D_  
  
The blonde read the message, as her phone was on her desk. She needed to change Carmilla’s name, because anyone sitting beside her could have seen that her teacher was texting her. Luckily no one was sitting next to Laura.  
  
Her heart was beating faster now. This whole secretive thing was more enjoyable than she had imagined. It turned out to be very exciting to have an _affair_ with the professor. Oh god, that word had to leave her mind. Her life was certainly _not_ the plot of a 80ies movie.  
  
What would her dad say to that?  
  
  
  
  
Class ended early on that day, because they didn’t have to discuss a book this time. All of them prepared some bullet points on modern literature vs. ancient literature and discussed themes and motifs and how they changed over time. It was the first time after all of those weeks that Laura decided to stick around after the seminar had ended. The blonde remained seated until the last person left the room.  
  
„Sneaky.“, Carmilla grinned and set her satchel on the desk after collecting all of her stuff and shoved them into the bag.  
  
„Always…“, Laura stood now and went around the teacher’s desk to stand behind her.  
  
„What are you doing?“, the brunette stiffened up a little. Laura’s scent made her crazy and she craved her touch.  
  
„Nothing, just signing the attendance list, _Ms. Karnstein_.“, Laura said, while leaning in from behind Carmilla and doing said thing.  
  
The professor gulped and breathed in the sweet scent, when blonde hair tickled her right cheek. Laura turned her head a little, so she would be facing her teacher, leaving not much space between them.  
  
„I’ve missed you.“, the blonde whispered and gently rubbed Carmilla’s shoulder, before making her way to her own desk again.  
  
Carmilla bit her bottom lip. That sneaky little creature did that on purpose, and it drove her crazy. She craved for her touch so much, it almost hurt.  
  
„Hey Laura…?“, the student’s back was facing her now, as she reached down to grab her bag.  Oh my god that was entirely on purpose too.  
  
„Hmn?“, Carmilla could literally hear out that smirk. _Focus, Karnstein!_  
  
„Do you wanna come by my place tonight…? I mean, if you don’t have too much work to do.“  
  
Laura turned back around and she was not wearing that smirk anymore, but was actually genuinely surprised.  
  
„I thought we had plans for Friday?“  
  
„Oh, yeah, well we do, but I thought maybe… If you’d wanna see- nevermind, Friday is great.“  
  
„Can’t you admit that you’d like to see me before?“, Laura said with a smile that could enlighten anyone, her counterpart smirked.  
  
„So you’ll come?“, Carmilla was on her feet now too.  
  
„Yes, I’d love to. Text me the address? I’ll give google maps a try today.“, the student crossed the room to the door.  
  
God this feeling was great.  
  
…  
  
**C.K.:** _You sure, you don’t want me to come get you?_  
**Laura:** _No, it’s not that far. I will be there in 30._  
  
The blonde couldn’t believe it, she was on her way to Carmilla’s place. The journalism student kept her gaze on her phone screen the whole time, so that she wouldn’t get lost. Every now and then she’d look up, when she saw a street crossing ahead or people rushing past her in general. With every step she came closer to her destination, her smile grew wider.  
  
  
  
Carmilla had been relieved when she had come home earlier, because the place was in a decent state. She just vacuumed the carpet floor in her bedroom and did her bed. Other than that there wasn’t that much cleaning needed. She was wearing ripped baby blue jeans and a black t-shirt. That was the least formal she had been, when being around Laura since the party in her old dorm. She hadn't brought any of her ripped jeans or leather pants to the vacation in Vienna, probably to preserve some teacher-esque feeling towards the other girl. She had soon caught onto the fact that that had been ridiculous though.  
  
A door bell filled the apartment with a sound she wasn’t used to. That was the first time someone came over to her place, since she had moved back to Austria. It was Laura, someone special. She smiled to herself, before pressing the button that would allow Laura to enter her building and waited outside of her door. Her smile grew wider, when she saw the blonde approaching her.  
  
„Hey!“, Carmilla said over excitedly.  
  
„Hi.“, Laura smiled warmly and noticed the teacher’s not so formal attire. This made things easier, because a trouser suit certainly didn’t help forgetting about the student/teacher issue.  
  
„Uh, come in!“, the brunette pointed towards her apartment.  
  
Both women went inside and Laura didn’t even have the time to look around the place. She was pressed against the wall next to the entrance in the anteroom and Carmilla’s lips chased for hers.  
  
„God, I’ve missed this.“, the professor admitted and bit her lip. Laura put her arms around her neck.  
  
„Me too…“, the blonde let her eyes wander through the apartment now (or at least what she could see from the anteroom), „…but, you’ve gotta show me your apartment first. I wanna see it.“  
  
„It’s not that big. See to the left we have my kitchen. Over there is the sofa and the dining table and that door over there is my bedroom.“, the dark haired woman said. She didn’t want to talk about furniture and interior design anymore. She leaned in again, but was stopped.  
  
„Don’t be ridiculous, show me your place.“  
  
Carmilla sighed and gave up.  
  
„ _Fine!_ “, she took Laura by her hand and led her to her bedroom first, „So this is where I sleep…“  
  
It was a very spacious room with big windows and was painted in a very light grey. A queen-sized bed was placed in the center of the wall opposed to the door. The frame was out of dark wood and the bedding was held in white. There was also a desk in that same wooden color standing on the right side of the room. There was a door to the right of it and another one right next to the nightstand beside the bed. The walls didn’t have anything on them, except for a picture of a very young man, just beside the door they had just walked through. Laura couldn’t look at it for long though, because she was pulled into the bathroom, which apparently was the door on the left side of the bed.  
  
The bathroom was magnificent, it was tiled in dark red and a very big bath tub caught everyone’s eye, who would walk in there. There also was a separate shower. It could easily fit 2 people- NOPE, NOT GOING THERE. There was a wall, which only consisted of a single mirror. You could see the whole bathroom in its reflection.  
  
„You satisfied yet or want to inspect some more?“, Carmilla asked, when she crept up from behind and rested her head on Laura’s shoulder.  
  
„Hmn, I do like your apartment… It’s modern and very bright. I thought I’d run into a dark hole, when I came here.“, the brunette chuckled and placed a gentle kiss to the student’s neck.  
  
„Come on, I’ll show you my living room.“, they were almost through the bedroom door, when Laura stopped her.  
  
„Wait, where does that door lead to?“, the tiny blonde wanted to know and pointed to the door next to the desk.  
  
„Storage space… And my walkable closet. That’s not that important.“  
  
„Can I see it?“, Laura asked and pouted.  
  
„Uhm… Go ahead.“, that was odd. What was so special about her closet?  
  
Laura walked in happily and eyed the spacious room. She had a walkable closet too in her childhood bedroom, but that was nothing compared to that. It fitted 3 huge dressers on one wall with a big horizontal mirror and a rather large wardrobe with white slide doors on the other wall. Carmilla seemed to have a lot of mirrors in her home. She had one hung up one in the anteroom too, which the blonde noticed (A full-body-mirror, where you could take great ootd photos). A woman as beautiful as her would probably need that many mirrors to maintain her beauty, she thought to herself, well aware of the fact that that was ridiculous.  
  
„May I?“, Laura asked, when approaching the wardrobe. She was keen on finding out things about Carmilla, even snooping through her clothes seemed to be a great way to know more. She had seen a lot of them, but she was interested in every little thing she could catch on while being in the apartment of her teacher. Maybe that was her journalist-self in that moment, but she wanted to see it.  
  
„Uh… Yeah of course.“, Carmilla had never seen anyone, who was so interested in the simplest of things.  
  
Laura opened one slide door and her eyes grew wide. There were at least 50 black dresses and here and there a splatter of color. The other side of the slide door consisted of shirts and some suits in every decent color there was. Underneath there were racks, which held her pants apparently.  
  
„What is _that_?“, Laura pointed towards a pile of leathery material.  
  
„My kink collection.“, the blonde immediately turned around with a somewhat disturbed expression and Carmilla just couldn’t contain it anymore, „Oh my god, you totally believed that right? Those are my leather pants. I was very punk back in my high school and early college days, so I owned a lot of them. I don’t wear them that often anymore though, only if I want to piss off my mother.“  
  
„Yeah, I remember those leather pants on you the day we met… You should wear them sometime again…“  
  
„Why? Would you like _that_?“, Carmilla smirked and raised an eyebrow.  
  
The blonde was picturing her counterpart in said things and blushed a little.  
  
„Oh, so _you_ are the one with the leather fetish then?“, Laura just rolled her eyes at that comment and slid the door close.  
  
„So I guess, we’ve spent enough time in my closet, let’s go to the living room.“, the professor suggested and both made their way out of the closet. She was held up again, as Laura stopped in her tracks. Carmilla turned around and saw why: The blonde was looking at the picture -the only one she hung up- in her bedroom.  
  
„Who is that?“, that question stung in Carmilla’s heart.  
  
„That’s my dad.“  
  
„You look very much like him, he is very handsome. How old is this picture?“  
  
„It was taken 33 years ago. He was 19 on that picture.“  
  
„Hmn, you never talk about him. Doesn’t he and your mother live together?“  
  
Carmilla’s smile faded and everyone within a mile could tell her sudden change of mood.  
  
„Oh my god, I am sorry! They are divorced, aren’t they? And I am such an ido-“, Laura was interrupted.  
  
„He is dead.“  
  
There, she said it. She said it out loud for the first time. It felt like all of the hurt that was locked away in a safe place kept creeping up from inside of her. Carmilla was senseless for that pain though. She had cried her eyes out for that man. Her tears were all used up.  
  
„Oh my god Carm, I am so sorry, I didn’t know-“  
  
„Don’t worry about it, you couldn’t have known. Come on now, I have the rest of the apartment to show you!“, Carmilla smiled and reached out her hand.  
  
That smile never reached her eyes.  
  
…  
  
„You sure read a lot huh?“, Laura was going through the enormous book shelf in the living room, stroking some backs here and there. She still was feeling bad for the moment earlier in Carmilla’s bedroom.  
  
„Comes with the job, cutie.“, the brunette let herself fall on the couch.  
  
„I hate being called cutie, I already told you that.“  
  
„You never explained to me why though.“  
  
„Beside everyone calling me that because of my height in high school? Well, Kirsch used to call me cute hottie or hot cutie all the time in the first year of university. I hated it back then, and then after everything happened I hated that word or any affiliated words to that much more, because that made me think of him.“, Laura was now approaching the couch, where her professor was waiting with a questioning glare.  
  
„Right… You wouldn’t know… Kirsch is the guy that Danny cheated on me with.“  
  
„Oh.“, Carmilla reached for her wine glass and took a sip before weighing on her options, „Wanna tell me the story of how Treebeard and you got together?“  
  
„If you wanna know, I will. It’s not that big of a story.“, Laura would do anything right now to let the professor forget about the death of her father, because that seemed to be a delicate topic.  
  
„I am interested in you and all you want to share with me.“, Carmilla encouraged her counterpart to go on. _Interested in you._  
  
„Well okay… It is a little weird, talking about this with _you_.“  
  
„This whole situation is weird, I think we are way past that.“  
  
„Hmn true. Well… After I moved here, I had literally no friends. I couldn’t catch up with the system over here. It was like moving from Vancouver to London. I got lost in the transition. I was having some trouble with my lit classes and Danny was in her 2nd year by then and she was a TA. I got some help from her and we kind of bonded. Somehow after some weeks we ended up going on a date. By then I had met LaF, they were on the student body of ‚Voice of Silas‘, you may know that they are the ones that help with freshmen stuff. We all ended up being really good friends. Me and Danny ended up dating and it was great at first, we really did fit well. However we were having some issues after some time, I mean, I had my finals and she did as well, we were focussed on our lives and argued a lot, because she said that I wasn’t as much in the relationship like she was… You know that crap someone pulls, when they think they are losing you… And well, you know the story from then on. Danny got really drunk one night over yet another fight we’ve had and slept with Kirsch, who’s been her best friend since high school -so she blew _that_ friendship too.“  
  
There was a short period of silence, because Carmilla comprehended all the said things (Laura did speak fast). She noticed one minor detail the most, even though there was much more to pick on.  
  
„So I do fit into your type of women. _That’s_ what you found alluring about me, huh?“  
  
„What?“, Laura didn’t quite understand.  
  
„Well, older women… With a certain affiliation to English Literature… And she was practically your teacher, wasn’t she?“  
  
„But that’s like- uhm…“, the blonde blushed and Carmilla chuckled, „That’s not true, I do not have a certain type. Comparing you and Danny is like comparing day and night. You are black and she is white.“  
  
„Oh god, I didn’t know that I was so bad.“, a dark chuckle was to follow.  
  
„No, Carm, that’s not what I meant. I like _that_ about you. And for your information on that other thing: I liked you before I knew that you were my teacher. I was attracted to you already at that sendoff party I threw for Betty.“  
  
„Oh really? Because if memory serves me correctly, you were a little reserved towards me on that party.“  
  
„Yeah, because back then I thought I wasn’t over Danny and besides: I thought you were straight. I thought that I already did have that department covered.“  
  
„Hmn. So what made you think otherwise?“, Carmilla asked while drinking the remaining wine in one go and setting the glass on the table in front of the couch.  
  
„Sorry?“  
  
„How did you know that you were over her?“  
  
„I…“, Laura looked down and blushed a little, „I met you and there was instantly a feeling, I don’t know, how to describe that… For the first time I felt something other than rage or sadness. Even though back then I never thought that you and I would be in this situation right now, I just felt like I could let Danny go for good. I felt like Danny couldn’t hurt me anymore. I mean, I partly did this to myself, because I never talked about that cheating thing with her, so I actually held myself up from getting over her or the situation. I was finally ready to dive into my life again. I knew, if I could develop feelings for you, maybe there was someone else that I could fall for… But now I am even more glad that it’s you.“  
  
Carmilla smiled and eyed her counterpart meticulously.  
  
„So you were interested in me right away? Aha, good to know.“, Carmilla liked being told.  
  
„I was… Intrigued by you… I mean at first you really bugged me with your air of mystery crap, but I kind of began to like exactly that about you. You had this unsolved file case sign hanging on your head, I couldn’t keep myself from wanting to know stuff about you. That was really exciting… I mean with every new thing you tell me I just want to know more and more. No one’s had my attention like this, and it’s kind of refreshing to me.“  
  
„You are definitely a journalism major.“, the professor remarked, chuckling slightly. Yeah, she definitely liked when Laura rambled on about her and how intrigued she had been by her.  
  
„Yeah, I remember my dad would always let me keep journals. He said I had to write everything down so that I would never forget. I have a love for the small details.“  
  
„So what more details do you want to know about me?“  
  
That question was a tough one. Laura knew a bit, but didn’t know enough, she probably never could. She wanted to ask Carmilla about her father, but decided to let that one go for now, because she had felt the sudden mood-change in the other woman earlier, when she had asked about him. The brunette hadn’t touched her since that or wasn’t overly flirtatious (what was usually her trademark).  
  
„Tell me about your ex-girlfriend.“, ouch- way to commit a blunder. That topic didn’t seem to bother Carmilla that much though.  
  
„What do you want to know about her?“, the teacher asked.  
  
„Hmn, tell me how that started.“  
  
„Well… I was in my Matura-class… That would be the same as A Levels in England I think…“, Laura nodded, „And I have been friends with that girl named Ell since I’ve been 8. She was 2 years older than me, but that meant we were in the same class in high school. We would always hang out after school and were generally inseparable. So one day things lead to other weird things and we found out that we both were attracted to each other. I had a boyfriend back then. I told myself that I loved him or maybe my mother made me think that… So whatever, then somehow I started to fall more and more in love with Ell and things got out of hand and I dumped my boyfriend to be with her. We were together for 8 months and all went well. One night I forgot to lock the door to my bedroom. My mother of course found her in my bed the morning after and she couldn’t accept me or our romantic relationship. And you know the rest of that story… She was forced to move to Athens to attend university and I got my heart broken, because the first person I really loved moved away to a different country.“  
  
„Wow… So then? You went your separate lives and never heard from each other at all?“  
  
„I actually did hear from her after she settled in in Athens. The last thing she said to me was that I ruined her life and that she’d be better off without me and to never try to contact her again.“  
  
„ _That_ couldn’t have been love then. Who says something like that to the person they love?“, Laura said and scooted closer. Their knees were now touching on the sofa. As if Laura knew anything about true love, she laughed at herself in her head.  
  
„Well it was for me. It didn’t matter that she didn’t love me as much as I did love her. I finally felt like I had a place in this world, before all of that crumbled down… My mother on the other hand forced me to go to the States after that whole debacle.“, Carmilla chuckled, „As if there were no girls I could be with in a country across the ocean, where she couldn’t watch my every move.“  
  
„That’s really… Did you get over her? I mean did you have a girlfriend after her?“  
  
„I didn’t at first, but 8 years is a very long time Laura. I just got around a lot, I couldn’t keep most of _my encounters_ for more than 2 months… My longest relationship has been a little over a year, but we both just drifted apart… That was 3 years ago. It wasn’t a big heart break though. We both remained friends. _Fooling around_ was way more fun than wanting to keep someone at that time. I was young. Well, _younger_.“  
  
„Right.“, Laura pressed her lips together. Fooling around was a nice way to put it. _Awkward._  
  
„What?“, the brunette asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
„Nothing.“  
  
„If you have anything to say, then say it now. I know that I am not the picture of the perfect person, you don’t have to get judgmental.“, Carmilla’s tone was suddenly harsh.  
  
„Carm, I was just thinking. There is no need to argue about that, I am not judging. I was only interested in the story and I am sorry, if I overstepped. I shouldn’t have asked.“  
  
Carmilla’s face softened again, as she realized that she was being unfair.  
  
„I am sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just don’t like that subject.“  
  
„Then let’s talk about something _that you like for once_.“, Laura’s tone was a little bitter now, she always started the wrong topic to talk about, that was frustrating. The teacher sensed the thick air and decided not to dwell on negativity anymore.  
  
„Actually…“, Carmilla scooted even closer to the girl on her sofa, „I was kind of hoping there would be less talking, when I asked you to come over.“  
  
Laura cocked an eyebrow, but let the brunette climb on top of her and kind of sit on her lap. The blonde welcomed the distraction.  
  
„Really? Does it mean that I can shut my mouth now and refrain from more unwelcome things to talk about?“  
  
„Oh, I’d rather you open it for me…“, the husky voice that escaped Carmilla’s lips was enough to melt Laura away.  
  
Laura captured her professor’s lips and immediately was welcomed with a warm tongue. God, she had waited for that the whole time. Kissing was her favorite daytime thing to do and kissing the dark haired beauty, that one, was even more enjoyable. Carmilla leaned in forwards, to signalize the blonde to lie on her back.  
  
That was a very familiar situation for them. Laura’s hand travelled to the brunette’s waist, and firmly grabbed her sharp hipbones. Not a good thing to do. The professor had to breathe in sharply and managed to do some damage in the process.  
  
„Ouch.“, Laura whispered after breaking the kiss and her tongue slid across her bottom lip to soothe it, „You bit my lip.“  
  
„I’m sorry, I-I…“, Carmilla closed her eyes and sighed, „Could you just…“, she took Laura’s hands in hers and placed them a little higher. The blonde was confused now.  
  
„What’s wrong with my hands there?“  
  
„It’s just a weak spot.“  
  
The journalism student didn’t get the hint right away, but when she did, she started to giggle a little.  
  
„Are you ticklish on your hipbones?“ Yeah, Laura _that_ was it.  
  
„Yeah, something like that.“, Carmilla smiled (happy that the blonde hadn’t caught onto the real reason) and leaned back in to kiss the girl underneath her.  
  
The teacher buried her hand into blonde strays of hair. This could go on forever. Her on top of her very sexy and beautiful… Guest. She didn’t want to address to her as her girlfriend yet, because that would be ridiculous. They were dating though, but those two things were totally different.  
  
Laura’s tongue slid along hers perfectly, as were her lips a perfect match to the ones that tugged on them. What a way to spend a dull Wednesday night, the brunette thought to herself. The student reached up to move away some strands of dark hair and left her hand resting on Carmilla’s cheek, as she pulled her in again.  
  
Someone’s stomach growled and ruined the mood a bit. It was the tiny blonde’s.  
  
„Why didn’t you tell me that you were hungry?“, Carmilla asked, when she pushed herself up with one hand that was resting beside Laura’s head.  
  
„I am not.“  
  
„Laura, I could hear world war-like noises from your belly.“  
  
„I don’t care, more of the kissing please.“, the student pleaded and almost got her lover to do that, but she pulled away.  
  
„I am ordering food for us.“  
  
„Carmilla!“  
  
„Laura!“, came back the stern response, but was accompanied with a smirk.  
  
Laura sat up and sighed. Her hair was disheveled and her heart-rate was a little too high. Her head felt dizzy and light, but at the same time heavy.  
  
„Fine!“  
  
„Italian, Chinese, Austrian, Indian, Mexican, let’s see… There is also that fabulous burger place that delivers…“, Carmilla held out several menu cards and the student couldn’t help, but giggle.  
  
„What a fine choice you have there… But I will stick to Pizza.“  
  
„You sure?“  
  
„Yes! _Pizzaaaaaa or death_!“, Laura began to shout.  
  
„Oh god, I guess I have to shut you up until the food’s here. You’re getting delusional.“  
  
With that Carmilla settled on top of Laura again and started dialing the numbers for the delivery place.  
  
After ordering their food, she hung up and leaned in to kiss the blonde again.  
  
Both got what they wanted.


	11. Taking Back A Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First signs of angst are coming up.  
> Danny finally lets go of Laura, kind of.  
> Carmilla makes a huge revelation to Laura.  
> Huge cliffhanger! (more in following chapters).

„Laura! Laura! Wait a sec!“  
  
Perry was chasing the petite blonde down the hall of the Department for Investigative Journalism.  
  
„Perry? What the…? What are you doing here?“, the journalism student asked rather confused.  
  
„I asked LaFontaine where to find you in your free time and they told me that you spend it in this…“, she looked around, „… _Hideous looking place_.“  
  
Laura giggled in amusement. Someone, who was into art wouldn’t find peace in a place that was so monotone.  
  
„Right… But why would _you_ want to find _me_ in the first place?“  
  
Perry and Laura hadn’t been that close friends, because she was in a whole different school so to speak. The Silas Art School was not on the campus, it was a separate building some blocks away. They only met, when LaF was with them.  
  
„I just… I need your help with something.“  
  
„Okay, spill.“, Laura said while taking a seat on her favorite desk in the archive.  
  
„So you’ve been close friends with LaFontaine right?“  
  
„Yes…?“  
  
„And you know what they like right?“  
  
„Yeah, they like _you_.“, the blonde smiled and cocked an eyebrow.  
  
„Well yes, but I need help. I…“, Perry looked around, as if to check, if anyone was listening, „I asked them out.“  
  
„I know.“, Laura found this conversation very interesting.  
  
„Right, because you are their best friend… Which is, why _you_ have to help me with the date tomorrow.“  
  
„Uhm, excuse me? Me? Perry, you’ve known them whole 14 years longer than me!“  
  
„Yes, but I never saw them _that way_. You know…“  
  
„Well, I never saw LaF _that way_ either.“, the blonde chuckled, earning a pleading look.  
  
Perry sighed in desperation. Laura was starting to feel bad, but couldn’t help her amusement.  
  
„Okay, breathe yeah? It’s all gonna be fine. LaF’s head over heels for you, I know that and whatever you two do, it’s all gonna work out perfectly, I promise. They won’t even care about that, trust me. I mean, 15 years is a hell of a lot time you guys could have spent kissing instead of obliviously going through life.“  
  
„We were children, when we met.“  
  
„Yeah, that would have been a little weird, I guess, but you get my point right? They have fallen in love with you, so just be there, be you, and it will be special. Think of something they enjoy doing.“  
  
„Well, I recall that one time we were ice skating, that was fun.“, the redheaded student began.  
  
„See? Easy!“  
  
„No, but I can’t do that. LaFontaine got out of that rink with an broken arm.“  
  
„Uh, no let’s go through some other ideas then, okay?“, Laura laughed and thought about her own date night on the following day.  
  
…  
  
„Hey…“, Laura smiled shyly as she saw the professor at the spot she had agreed on to meeting Carmilla for their date.  
  
„Hi there… You look great.“, the brunette said, checking her surroundings and leaning in to give the girl a kiss on the cheek. (The car was parked 10 minutes away from campus, they didn’t want to take the risk of being seen.) To their luck winter days were dark by the time it hit 5:00 pm and the street they were standing at wasn’t exactly full of hectic people.  
  
„Look, who’s talking.“, the blonde smiled at the sweet gesture.  
  
Laura climbed into the car and buckled herself up. She was excited to go out with her favorite professor. She smiled to herself, this would be a great date night.  
  
Little did she know.  
  
  
  
Carmilla and Laura walked into the familiar Greek place, they tried not to be too obvious though, because you could never be sure, who would end up being there and the owner knew the brunette, so there was that too. It was very close to their town after all.  
  
When the professor approached the counter, the owner ran towards her.  
  
„Carmilla!!!“, he exclaimed and waved in her direction, as if she were to run away.  
  
The man came closer to them, but before any of them could utter anything, he began talking in German. Laura didn’t pay much attention, she remembered that they had known each other. His daughter grew up with Carmilla or something.  
  
Laura thought it was weird that they talked for so long and was sure of the strange situation, when she saw how Carmilla’s body tensed up. The man said something and the brunette shook her head. The blonde let her gaze wander around the room and when it stopped on the woman beside her again, she noticed that the rather short man gave Carmilla an white envelope with her name written in neat cursive on it. He went inside the kitchen or wherever the door behind him lead to, when the professor turned on her heels and faced the blonde again. The brunette’s grip around that letter -or whatever that was- tightened, as Carmilla eyed it thoroughly.  
  
There was something dark in her eyes, well let’s just say they were darker than usual.  
  
She met the hazel ones of Laura after looking up and her stare was cold.  
  
„ _Laura we need to go_.“  
  
Merely a faint whisper.  
  
„What? What about our date?“  
  
Confusion meeting determination.  
  
„I can’t, _we have to go_.“  
  
Determination countered.  
  
There was no explanation to follow, she grabbed Laura’s wrist and dragged her along and outside to the parking lot.  
  
„Will you tell me, what’s wrong? Carmilla, ow, you are hurting me.“  
  
Carmilla immediately let go of her hand, when she noticed she was gripping too tightly and let out a sigh. The brunette ruffled through her hair, and leaned her face into her own palm for a second, closing her eyes to compose herself.  
  
She was okay. There was nothing upsetting her, no she was perfectly fine. _Oh fuck it._  
  
She made her way to the passenger’s side of her car and rummaged in the glovebox. Laura’s eyes widened, when she saw that Carmilla had exchanged the envelope with a cigarette packet.  
  
„Oh no, you are _not_ smoking right now.“  
  
„Yeah?“, the older woman’s demeanor changed from one second to the other and Laura couldn’t understand the reason behind that other than the fact that it had something to do with that envelope and the owner of the ‚MYKONOS‘ (That was the restaurant’s name.) saying something to her.  
  
„Carmilla, put them away.“, Laura tried one last time.  
  
It was not the usual commanding tone, but a pleading one.  
  
„Make me.“, Carmilla provocatively set one cigarette between her lips and waited for the blonde to do anything about it.  
  
She was being an asshole on purpose, it didn’t make any sense to herself, but she had to continue doing whatever she was doing. It was the only thing that made her feel like she was alive, like she was an actual human being. She needed the smoke now, consuming her lungs, leaving a trail of decay there.  
  
Laura frowned, shook her head, lifted her hands in defeat and climbed into the passenger’s seat of the BMW only to watch how Carmilla lit the cigarette up. The dark haired beauty -or let’s say bitch- looked through Laura and it sent shivers to her spine (not the good kind). That was not the Carmilla she knew. Her lips were curled up into a devilish grin. She only smoked a third of the cigarette though and tossed it onto the ground. She moved towards the driver’s seat and got in the car. Laura’s jaw locked and she was not very amused. _No, not amused at all._  
  
„You know that you just blew your chances at kissing me tonight right?“, the blonde said coldly to match Carmilla’s tone from before.  
  
„Hmn, sweetheart, I think I can live with that.“  
  
**_OUCH!_**  
  
Laura smiled, but it was not her beautiful, kindhearted one, it was the same look that Carmilla gave her some minutes ago. She took in a sharp breath and shook her head.  
  
What the brunette could do, she could too. At least she thought so.  
  
  
Silence.  
  
  
„What happened in there?“, Laura broke the quietness between them, after she recomposed herself, trying not to sound too hurt or enraged. Ok, she couldn’t be that coldhearted bitch right now. There was an attempt at making things a little better. She told herself that there must have been a good reason for this sudden jerk behavior.  
  
„Laura just let it go, okay?“, Carmilla said through gritted teeth, clutching the steering wheel of her car.  
  
„No, I won’t because apparently _something_ happened and I am the only one that didn’t get the memo.“, it was frustrating for the blonde, not knowing what had happened that her night had to be ruined.  
  
„I said drop it.“  
  
„What was that envelope about, Carmilla?“  
  
„It’s none of your business.“  
  
„I wanna know what thing ruined our night, I mean one moment you are perfect and sweet and the next…“  
  
Laura trailed off in her thoughts. Maybe that’s how the woman was. She had always played her hot and cold, ever since they had met at the party. It was their game at first, not bothering her much, but now this, this wasn’t fair to her, she told herself. She didn’t deserve being shoved around like that.  
  
Laura was used to this rapid demeanor change, mostly because _she_ usually would be the one to be on peak in one moment and then down below the next. However this situation wasn’t comparable to herself. Carmilla had a valid reason for being this way, she just wasn’t telling. And Laura? Well, Laura couldn’t help herself with her condition. Now was not the time to think about that though, so she dared to look at the driver.  
  
„I don’t want to talk about it!!!“, Carmilla never had gotten so angry, cold and loud at the same time.  
  
  
  
„Take me home.“, the blonde said -defeated and left with no energy to really fight anymore- and buckled herself in. She gave up. She wanted to go home and just forget it, maybe forgetting Carmilla and that whole screwed up situation. Yeah, that sounded like the perfect plan to her.  
  
As if she was waiting for it, Carmilla started the engine and backed out of her parking spot.  
  
  
  
The drive was quiet and no one looked at the other, not even for a second. The student was on the verge of breaking into tears, but not because she was hurt, but because she was so angry. No, they didn’t have enough trouble already with the sneaking around, Carmilla also had managed to ruin the one night they were on a date. Laura was beyond mad and disappointed.  
  
The car came to a halt and just then the student realized she’d been in her thoughts for over 15 minutes. She unbuckled herself and opened the car door, when a hand captured her wrist.  
  
„Aren’t you gonna say goodnight to me?“, Carmilla asked, with a raised eyebrow. _Was she being serious?_  
  
„ _Go fuck yourself, Carmilla_.“, with that Laura retreated her arm and shut the door close, taking fast steps to her dorm.  
  
Carmilla realized in that moment that she had messed up big time. It was like she’d been in a bubble the whole time and then, when she saw Laura’s expression and her take off, she felt the remorse. She had never heard Laura swear around her (not that she had known her for a very long time, but those are the things one notices about another person). Not once in those 3 days they had spent in Vienna and not once in those 2 months they had known each other from classes. Her usual go to ‚swear words‘ were crap or occasionally shit.  
  
The brunette leaned her head into the headrest. _Way to go, Karnstein._ She could’ve shut up and taken her to another place, but Laura would have asked her about it and that she couldn’t have.  
  
_Not now._ It was too soon. She needed time to process the newly gained information.  
  
Why would her life have to be so difficult? She didn’t want to think about what she found out. She wanted to forget that. She wanted to go home and drink away her sorrows, just forgetting everything that had happened. That would help for the night. She didn’t want to think about the envelope in the glovebox, but it stayed in her mind the whole time.  
  
_But no thought was as present in her thoughts as the one of Laura’s hurtful face._  
  
…  
  
Laura woke up to her annoying ringtone. Someone was calling her. Probably Carmilla for the 20th time. She had no nerve to talk to her now, not after what she had pulled off the previous night, but she still blindly groped around her bed to find the noise maker somewhere in the sheets.  
  
The caller ID said it was LaF. She jumped up in her bed.  
  
„Hello LaF?“  
  
„Ey, you aren’t still sleeping, are you?“, LaF’s voice told her that they were a little concerned.  
  
„Actually I was.“, the blonde rubbed her eyes and groaned.  
  
„Oh common Laura, you have to stop moping about that professor of yours… This is not going to help you get over her.“  
  
Laura laughed internally. Yeah, she was really kind of moping about her, but not because of what her friend thought.  
  
„I am not moping.“  
  
„If you say so…“  
  
„LaF, is there any reason for your call?“, Laura’s voice sounded bitter and harsh.  
  
„Well yeah… For one: Today’s a wicked Zeta party at their frat house, and listen I know, you don’t want to run into Kirsch, but I promise I will be your buffer and ever-“  
  
„I’ll go. No need to convince me. I can easily deal with ignoring him.“  
  
„Really?“, they sounded surprised.  
  
„Yeah, is there going to be alcohol, like a lot of it?“  
  
„What a question. Yeah, tons of it. You will be able to fill up their pool with liquid goods and swim in it, that’s how many kegs I’ve seen, when I went past their house today in the morning.“  
  
„Good… What’s the other thing you wanted to speak to me about?“  
  
„Well, how nice of you to ask… I wanted to… Well, tell you about my date with Perry…“  
  
Laura listened to her friend telling her about how they had the perfect night and how Perry was so going to be their better half for life and all that repulsive stuff you say about the person you love and who treats you right. No, it was not only that. That was about two people loving each other in a way she never had experienced.  
  
_UGH A LAURA HOLLIS DOESN’T NEED **THAT.** _  
  
She really never did. And that wasn’t going to change. Which still didn't keep her from wishing that she had been treated like a decent human being by a certain dark haired lady the night before.  
  
After the phone call ended, Laura went to take a shower and cleaned up her room. Her phone was lying on top of her perfectly made bed and she finally decided to look at the messages Carmilla had sent her.  
  
_You have received 7 missed calls._  
  
**C.K.:** _I am really sorry for what happened._  
**C.K.:** _I don’t know what got into me._  
**C.K.:** _I hope, I can make it up to you._  
**C.K.:** _Laura…_  
  
**C.K.:** _I am really, truly, very sorry._  
**C.K.:** _Can you please talk to me?_  
**C.K** _ **.:** Or at least text me?_  
  
**C.K.:** _I get that you don’t want to talk to me, but can you just tell me you’re okay?_  
**C.K.:** _Please._  
  
**C.K.:** _Okay… Well I won’t get a response anymore, I guess._  
**C.K.:** _Good night Laura._  
**C.K.:** _Sweet dreams._  
  
**C.K.:** _I am thinking of you._  
  
  
**C.K.:** _I regret my behavior from last night so much._  
**C.K.:** _Please pick up the phone._  
**C.K.:** _Let me know, if I can do anything._  
**C.K.:** _For god’s sakes! Laura just tell me, you’re alright._  
  
  
Laura read through all of the messages. The last 4 were sent only some minutes ago. It was half past 11. She decided to let Carmilla know, that she was doing alright. She didn’t want people to worry about her, even though she enjoyed it a little that the professor was feeling so bad about the incident. At least that meant that she was aware of her doing, not that it made it okay.  
  
**Laura:** _I am fine, don’t worry._  
  
The blonde sighed and sat on her bed, her gaze wandered to the far corner of her room. Her phone buzzed continuously in her hand.  
  
„Jeez!“, she exclaimed and looked at it.  
  
**C.K.:** _Hey. Look who decided to text me back._  
**C.K.:** _How are you?_  
**C.K.:** _Are you busy now?_  
  
The student waited some minutes with the reply, she didn’t want to seem too eager.  
  
**Laura:** _I am kind of busy yeah._  
  
She wasn’t at all, but she did want to seem occupied to the mystery woman. She wanted to be the distant person for once. She wanted to be the one that was out of reach for once.  
  
**C.K.:** _Oh, okay. Are you busy tonight?_  
  
**Laura:** _Yep._  
  
**C.K.:** _Doing what?_  
**Laura:** _I am going to a party._  
  
  
  
Carmilla stared at her iPhone screen. Her heart skipped a beat. She had totally messed up. Laura didn’t even want to talk to her on the phone, or didn't even cooperate properly, when it came to texting. And now she was also spending the night drinking and partying with her friends, probably with a lot of cute girls that were a better fit in any way there was compared to Carmilla.  
  
Of course it wasn’t entirely like the student would really do anything (she hoped). She remembered that Laura had told her that she usually doesn’t do things like that and that wasn’t the real reason, why she was hurt. The professor was hurt, because Laura was choosing being with them instead of thinking of the possibility that they could spend it together. Not that she was blaming her, but Carmilla couldn’t help, but feel like that.  
  
She groaned. Why had she been such an ass? Why couldn’t she have just been civil and talk about what turned her into that complete mess? They hadn’t even started to date properly, and she already had brought trouble along the way that could have possibly lead to a great relationship. She had to make it right, she wanted a real relationship with the student.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla hadn’t answered her last text, but Laura didn’t care. She was on a party with her friends and was determined to have fun. If only that hadn’t been so hard. The journalism student didn’t feel at ease at all, she had forgotten that her colleagues at Silas were all imbecilic idiots. Caring more for pilsener than their future.  
  
Danny was dancing with some frat boy and clearly having fun. Laura laughed to herself, LaF was so wrong about her being still in love with her. That clearly didn’t look like ‚not over Laura-yet‘. The tall student tracked her down with her eyes and waved frantically at her to come join her, but the blonde shook her head and declined the invitation silently. Danny didn’t seem to care that much. Great, everyone was having fun and being borderline drunk, but Laura could only mope around. She didn’t even want to get wasted.  
  
No party would be a party again without her thinking of the first one she attended in that school year.  
  
  
  
„L, what’s up with you?“, LaF joined the sulky student, who drank her cheap wine in one go as they approached with their apparently-now-girlfriend. They looked happy, really entirely too happy.  
  
„I’m gonna go and get myself a refill.“, the blonde muttered, before any of them could say anything to her. She wasn’t up for a pep talk.  
  
„Okay…“, they were pitying Laura clearly.  
  
Her friend thought they knew exactly, why the journalism student was so off. That’s when they had the perfect idea. LaFontaine approached their date for the night (and as they were concerned all the other nights, because Perry would be that person for them forever) and whispered something into her ear.  
  
„I think, we need to find someone for Laura… I mean she hasn’t been really involved with anyone since Danny and it’s getting frustrating.“  
  
„I don’t know, honey. That sounds rather… I mean, she is _your_ friend, I get it, but maybe she likes being alone right now.“  
  
„No, trust me, I can see into that tiny head of hers. She clearly needs distraction and someone to take her mind off Car- I mean off whoever she was sulking around for.“  
  
„Does she still think about that girl at that send off party? That was like 2 months ago.“, Perry got that the Car-part meant Carmilla.  
  
LaF was screwed, they promised Laura not to tell Perry, but this was completely different right? They were together now and they wouldn’t of course tell the whole truth, just the important part as to fill her in, why Laura was sad.  
  
„Laura actually saw her after that, they um- met again and they made out or something, but then Carmilla kind of bailed on her.“  
  
„Oh, I had no idea… I am such an idiot... I went to see her on Thursday to talk about our date with her… But she didn’t seem sad to me at all back then.“, Perry remarked, feeling bad instantly.  
  
„Yeah Laura is a master in hiding things. I mean, that’s also the reason Danny and her didn’t work out.“  
  
„I thought that they broke up because Danny cheated on her?“  
  
„Well, yeah, obviously, but they were having major issues before that… Just trust me, Laura’s not entirely innocent in this one… I mean cheating is clearly bad, but their relationship had it coming.“, LaF felt a little bad that they said this, but it was true. Laura had major commitment issues.  
  
No one would believe it, because she had been in long-term-relationships, pretty serious ones even (from what they heard about her ex and knew from Danny), but something always seemed to come in the way.  
  
„I had no idea.“, Perry said and LaFontaine hummed in response.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was sitting on the rooftop, where she had taken Laura on her birthday. The cold winter breeze was hitting her face, but the wind didn’t scare her off. She needed to think. She was curled up on a corner and eyed the white envelope in front of her, which rested on the floor.  
  
The brunette decided that at some point she had to take a look at it. It shouldn’t even bother her so much, but it did, well not the thing that was inside it, but it scared her to be drawn into this. Her heartbeat accelerated a little at the thought of opening it.  
  
Carmilla sighed, she shoved the envelope into her pocket again, now was not the time.  
  
She got up and took in the sight of the silent campus ahead of her. Everyone must have been on that party, there was hardly anyone out there. Carmilla pulled out her phone and looked at the conversation with Laura. She wished, she could apologize to the student in person and then also maybe tell her, what was going on.  
  
Was that too much? They hardly even knew each other. Even though at times the dark haired woman felt like they had for a long time. She didn’t want to be attached to another person that much, but she couldn’t help it.  
  
_There was just something about her._  
  
…  
  
„Hey, Laura.“, Danny joined the blonde student outside of the frat house on the grass, where she’d been sitting for a while, enjoying the cool breeze. Laura turned her head a little and nodded, clutching her plastic cup of wine and swirling it around.  
  
„What are you doing here all by yourself?“  
  
„You are out here alone too, so what brings _you_ here?“, the shorter student threw back a question.  
  
„Well, I am not moping around like you are for sure. What’s up?“, the redheaded girl put her hand on Laura’s back, but retreated it, when she felt the blonde tensing at the touch.  
  
„Nothing.“  
  
„Laura, I’ve known you for a while now and that’s not nothing. You are not alright.“  
  
„Since when did you become an expert on that matter?“, the journalism breathed out.  
  
„I just…“, Danny sighed, „You can talk to me, remember? I told you that I still care for your wellbeing.“  
  
„I’d rather not talk about it. Especially with _you._ “, the tall girl felt her heart sink to the gut, when she heard the last sentence.  
  
„It’s about a girl, isn’t it?“, Danny stated the obvious, well at least for her it was.  
  
There was a short period of Silence, before the tall ginger spoke again.  
  
  
„I mean, it’s okay. _One of us_ has to move on… One day or the other.“  
  
„Yeah, I guess you have won _that race_ a long time ago.“, Laura said bitterly, but realized it came off the wrong way. She didn’t mean to refer to her ex’s infidelity.  
  
„Why doesn’t it feel like I won then?“, Danny didn’t even want to get into a fight about this again, she just was curious why Laura thought that she wanted the things to turn out this way.  
  
„Aren’t you enjoying being single?“  
  
„Well not really, no.“, there was desperation and sadness behind that smile the redhead forced on herself.  
  
„Hmn, it is important to move on you know? People tend to dwell on negativity for too long.“, Laura said, staring into distance.  
  
„Wow, ouch.“  
  
„What?“, Laura stared into sad blue eyes, not knowing what she had said to cause the sudden change from friendly talk to sadness and desperation.  
  
„I mean, I knew that you hated me after what happened, but hearing you talk like that… Gotta say, it stung a little.“  
  
„Well… But common, you… I mean… I obviously wasn’t the right one for you. Or otherwise you wouldn’t have…“, Laura gulped. She didn’t want to say that word, she forgave Danny for that incident, she really did. It wasn’t fair to bring that up every time, especially not now.  
  
„I was monumentally drunk and Kirsch was just comforting me and I… One lead to the other… I don’t know, how I got into that situation, but I am done justifying that to you. I know it was really wrong and I fucked up everything, but you don’t know how hard it is for me to think that if that hadn’t happened, we probably still would be together or at least we would have tried to resolve our problems instead of…“  
  
„I don’t know, if we could have worked through our problems, _even if you hadn’t done anything_ …“, Laura stated.  
  
That clearly indicated that they were broken long before Danny did her part.  
  
Laura sighed and buried her head in both of her hands. She heard that the girl beside her was slowly standing up again, clearly not feeling good talking about this.  
  
„Danny, wait… Can I ask you something?“, her voice stopped the redhead in her tracks.  
  
„Yeah?“  
  
„It may sound dumb and whatever, but… I just was curious… Do you still have feelings for me?“  
  
Danny didn’t respond to that, but her eyes were now fixating the floor. That was an definite answer.  
  
„Why?“, Laura tilted her head to lock eyes with the tall student.  
  
„You are asking, why I am still in love with you?“ _Gulp, love?_  
  
„Yeah, I just… After all this time… Really?“  
  
„What does it matter anyways?“, Danny wanted to know.  
  
„I was just curious I think. Lately I have a feeling that I am oblivious to everything that’s going on around me.“, Laura went through what she said in her head and noticed that she didn’t really make sense. Asking your ex why she still was in love with you wasn’t really the kind of distraction she had come for.  
  
Danny’s stare fell to the ground again and she remained silent. That was the cue for Laura to get up too.  
  
„I think you should get inside. It seemed like you had fun in there.“, the blonde suggested.  
  
„And you?“  
  
„I’m fine with going home. I don’t really want to be around people right now.“  
  
„Alright… Don’t be a stranger Hollis.“  
  
„Good night.“  
  
…  
  
Laura felt the cold December weather, as she strolled across campus to get to her dorm. She wished she had drunk more, because then she wouldn’t be bothered by the cool air that much. Her gaze fell onto the building Carmilla’s office was in, it was comforting seeing it. The student wasn’t sure though why. Was it, because she knew the proximity that office had to her own dorm room and the thought of her bed just lightened up her mood at the moment or was it the fact that she connected it to her favorite teacher?  
  
Carmilla. Carmilla Karnstein. _Carmilla Karnstein, the big jerk-face professor as it seemed now._  
  
  
  
Laura was caught up in her thoughts, as she climbed the last set of stairs to turn into her hallway, when she saw someone sitting in front of her door. That person was bent over, with their head in between their hands. _It looked like…_ A flash of panic ran through the blonde’s mind.  
  
„Carmilla…?“, Laura whispered, as she approached the figure on the floor.  
  
When she got close enough to get conformation, she was met by a dark pair of eyes. They looked worn out (No wonder, she was up all night and constantly texting Laura the previous night.).  
  
„What are you doing here? Has anyone seen you…?“, the student asked while unlocking her door and ushering the dark haired woman into her room, by dragging her up her elbow.  
  
When they were inside, she quickly let go of Carmilla’s arm and studied her from top to toe. The brunette still hadn’t said anything, and yes, Laura was still pretty mad, but she saw the hurt in her counterpart’s eyes. There was sadness and something else undecipherable accompanied with guilt.  
  
Laura passed her guest, peeled off her shoes and got rid of her coat, hanging it up. She was being patient this time, the memory of the previous night still hadn’t left her.  
  
Carmilla finally turned to face her.  
  
„I am so sorry for last night.“, the professor’s eyes didn’t lie.  
  
„I know. I got your texts.“, that was all the student could utter.  
  
„I was being an complete idiot and I ruined everything.“  
  
„Yeah, you were a jerk.“, Carmilla fixated the ground with her eyes, yeah she probably deserved to be called a lot worse, hell she’s been called worse. She could take jerk.  
  
Laura passed the brunette again, to sit on the edge of her bed. She was observing the other person in the room intently, not trying to rush it too much.  
  
„Wait… Why are you here that early?“, Carmilla turned around again to face her student, who was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t answer her question.  
  
„Were you planning on staying in front of my doorway until I make it home?“  
  
„I… Yeah, I think that was the plan.“, the brunette said slightly taken aback by her answer, rather than the question, she knew what Laura was implying. It was incredibly dumb to take that risk, but she wanted to see her badly. Laura hadn’t picked up her phone and she was already there, brooding on top of the roof, so she thought she could stop by. That’s what she decided after stargazing for about 2 hours.  
  
„That wasn’t smart. Someone could have run into you.“  
  
„I just needed to see you and apologize in person…“  
  
Laura sighed, not really sure if she should be happy to hear those words. Carmilla dared to take a step closer, eyeing the other girl. Her lips were more of a reddish color than normal, she must have had wine at the party, the brunette thought.  
  
„No one saw me, don’t worry about that…“  
  
„Carmilla…“, the blonde began slowly, not really sure, how she could put it in the most elegant way.  
  
The dark haired woman tensed up, she had a feeling of what was about to come. Her heart dropped into her gut.  
  
„I deserve better than how you treated me yesterday.“, it was true.  
  
„I know… You do… I was so worked up with my feelings and let it out on you and I-“  
  
„Which I still do not know anything about, because you won’t tell me.“, Laura cut her off, her anger was taking ahold of her again. She closed her eyes to compose herself. Deep, steady breaths.  
  
Anger wasn’t going to help any of them. Laura needed to show the other person that she was here and that even though she didn’t know why Carmilla was being a jerk the night before, she at least tried to be understanding. It was apparently the right decision.  
  
„How can I make it up to you? I’ll do everything! Just please tell me, you can forgive me.“, Carmilla pleaded, it broke the blonde’s heart, but she couldn’t give in that fast.  
  
Laura shook her head. „Just tell me what is bothering you.“  
  
Carmilla sighed and tilted back her head, facing the ceiling. She tried to come up with the right words, she just didn’t know which were the right ones. The brunette suddenly felt a gentle tug on her wrist. Laura was standing in front of her now.  
  
„Come, sit.“, the blonde offered.  
  
They both did and there was yet another moment of silence. Laura didn’t say anything. She wanted Carmilla to take the first step.  
  
„Remember when I told you about my ex-girlfriend?“  
  
The journalism student listened carefully, not knowing where this conversation was going.  
  
„I told you that she was in Athens right?“, Laura nodded and encouraged her counterpart to carry on.  
  
„Well and uh, Aleksandar, that’s the owner of the Greek restaurant… He is actually the father of Ell.“  
  
The blonde tried to comprehend what Carmilla had said. _That meant…_  
  
  
  
„So, when you told me about your childhood friend… You were referring to your ex-girlfriend?“  
  
„Well yeah, I already told you I sort of grew up with her… So that wasn’t really a lie.“, the brunette started to explain, „…However, I ran into her father, when I moved back in July and he had always liked me, so he offered me to come by again, like I did when Ell was still there. He never knew that his daughter and I were dating though… Aleksandar’s father was head of the Orthodox Church back in their hometown, so we figured we shouldn’t tell them that their daughter was kind of seeing a girl. I went there often with the excuse to do some homework and we would sneak around.“  
  
Carmilla thought about how the last real relationship she was in also had been a secret to everyone else. _Ironic._  
  
„… Then things got complicated with my mother, you know… And Ell apparently told her father that she wanted to go back to her roots and study in Athens, lying about the whole thing of her not getting into any colleges around here. He supported it and was proud of her, they always have had a great relationship. So he might have mentioned to her that I was here and still coming in every now and then, few months ago… I didn’t know that she knew, I really only went there because Aleksandar was like a second dad to me… Um…“  
  
Carmilla’s mouth was running dry, she swallowed and then continued.  
  
„And yesterday… When we talked, he told me that Ell is back in town.“  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide. „Your ex is back? As in here?“  
  
„Yeah.“  
  
„But how… Uh, why…? Did you talk to her?“, the blonde was was not sure what to say now, but at the same time rambling on about it.  
  
„No. I don’t really want to talk to her… But that’s not the end of the story…“  
  
„Okay…?“  
  
„Remember that envelope?“  
  
How could she forget. Laura nodded slowly, as she observed Carmilla pulling out the said thing out of her jacket pocket and handing it to the blonde.  
  
„What’s in that?“, the student asked slowly, eying the neat hand writing in the front and tracing it with her fingers. The hand writing was like piece of art compared to the sloppy one of hers.  
  
„Open it.“, the brunette said, her voice only a faint whisper.  
  
„Carmilla, I couldn’t…“, Laura turned the envelope in her hand to see that it was still sealed and a name placed in the top corner in that same wonderful handwriting.  
  
_‚Ellena Kostapoulos‘_  
  
„I already know what it is, but I would like to open it with you.“, Carmilla said and her counterpart could see the tension in her body.  
  
Laura reached out pulled on the brunette’s arm to gesture her to come closer. Carmilla was a little surprised at that, things were not yet back to normal, but she welcomed that closeness for now, she had missed it, even though their agreement on being a _thing_ -as they fondly called it- was only going on for 1 week. She was already very attached to Laura. Maybe it was a bad thing, but for now it was not the thing she was concerned about the most.  
  
The student’s right index finger slit under the lid and slowly started to rip apart the envelope.  
  
When Laura pulled out it’s content, her eyes went wide.  
  
„That’s a…“  
  
„Yeah.“


	12. Blast From The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellena's envelope.  
> Cute conversation(s).  
> Carm tries to make up.  
> 

„That’s a…“  
  
„Yeah.“  
  
Carmilla let out a long breath, still staring at Laura, who was reading the card, which she held in her hands, for the fourth time.

 

* * *

_**ELLENA MARIANA KOSTAPOULOS**_ AND _**ADAM KRISTOF GOUNARIS**_  
CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO THEIR MARRIAGE CELEBRATION  
  
SATURDAY, THE NINTH OF JANUARY  
TWO THOUSAND AND SIXTEEN  
SEVEN O’CLOCK IN THE EVENING  
_‚MYKONOS‘, KREUZBERGSTRASSE 28_  
_STRASSBACH, 8234_  
_AUSTRIA_  
  
**_RSVP_** : +432533/72932

* * *

  
  
„Wow…“  
  
„Yep.“  
  
Laura looked up to be met with a pair of dark eyes.  
  
„So you were upset because her father told you that she was getting married?“  
  
„No… I was more worried about her being in town. I can’t stand being in the same town as her, there’s just too many bad memories associated to her.“  
  
„Things really didn’t end very well with her huh?“, Laura tried to break the tension, but it was effortless and wasn’t even bringing herself down from the feeling she was holding in her chest.  
  
„Whenever she appears, she turns my world upside down and yesterday I panicked, because I didn’t want you to get mixed up with my past, but instead of shrugging it off, I made a mess of everything. See? Things really don’t go well, when she is around.“  
  
„Hmn… Well you can’t really blame her for the things your mother did… I mean she doesn’t seem like the most decent person either, but…“, the brunette immediately knew what the student was thinking.  
  
„She is very manipulative Laura, my 16 year old self was really drawn to her… And she crushed that girl, so yeah no, I am not really comfortable with her being here…“  
  
„So are you worried that you might feel something again once you see her?“, Laura tentatively asked.  
  
„Laura, you know that I don’t feel anything for her right? Not anymore… I’m just worried and I don’t want to deal with her anymore.“  
  
Laura didn’t know that. Carmilla had said something that was engraved in the blonde’s journalist brain.  
  
**_You always cherish your first._**  
  
„She was a big part of your life though.“  
  
„Yes, she was, but that’s in the past. _I am with you now._ “  
  
Wow, those words seemed like a commitment. Carmilla regretted that she had said that, because she kind of had declared Laura to be hers in that moment. Maybe it would scare her off, given the fact that Laura stated that her previous lovers had demanded too much from her. What did that even mean? Was it too much to trust one another or did it have to do with something else? There was no time on thinking about that though, the brunette knew for sure.  
  
„I, um… I didn’t mean it like that-“, Carmilla tried to save it.  
  
The blonde shook her head.  
  
„I know what you meant.“ They had been avoiding that topic for long.  
  
Laura took a moment to comprehend everything. There was too much going on in her head.  
  
  
„Thank you for showing me.“, Laura finally managed to say, not actually knowing the right set of words, when she handed over the invitation.  
  
„I should have just told you yesterday… I feel like a complete idiot.“, Carmilla murmured more to herself than the other person.  
  
„You probably should have.“  
  
„Laura, _I am so, so sorry_ … Please believe me, if I could take last night back, I would…“  
  
„I know, just stop apologizing already.“, the shorter girl gently brushed her fingers over the brunette’s knees.  
  
There were still unsaid things between them, but Laura lay off her Lois Lane way of finding everything out on one night. There was already enough going on in both of their heads. She just was happy that the events took another turn, although she wasn’t very fond of Carmilla’s revelations.  
  
Ell was back in town and she felt insecurity taking ahold of her. She had pictured her to be beautiful with long dark locks framing her beautiful face. Laura had never seen a picture of her nor had she asked Carmilla about her looks, but thinking of it, she pictured a perfect goddess similar to that beautiful lady sitting beside her.  
  
Carmilla cleared her throat, slowly rising up from the bed.  
  
„I should… I should get going, I don’t want to walk home, when the temperature drops lower.“  
  
„You walked here?“, Laura asked, she knew first hand, how cold it was outside.  
  
„Yeah, I needed to clear my head.“  
  
„I can’t have you walk in this cold… Plus it’s very late… Just stay with me here.“  
  
„What?“, the teacher turned to the side to look at Laura.  
  
Carmilla hadn’t expected the student to ask her to stay, not after the previous night’s event(s), not after finding out about Ell. She knew that the fact that she got upset over her ex-girlfriend was worrying Laura. She really didn’t feel anything for her anymore, but it was like a stitch on her heart that had opened up again, and old bitter memories were bleeding from the open wound.  
  
„I said stay… My bed’s not the biggest, but we’ll fit in.“  
  
„Are you sure?“, Carmilla needed the reassurance.  
  
„Yes.“  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was lying on her back on the bed and staring up the ceiling, when Laura brought her a glass of cold water.  
  
„I think you should drink something, you seem a little dehydrated.“  
  
Laura noticed this, because of Carmilla’s slightly chapped lips. She had stared at them, okay she admitted to that part. The teacher always had tender and soft lips, so of course everyone would notice that about Carmilla.  
  
„Thanks…“, the brunette offered a smile and drank the liquid in one go.  
  
„Want some more?“  
  
„No… Just… Will you come to bed?“, Carmilla asked, like a child asking for its mother. She didn't even bother about not wearing the right clothes for bed, she just wanted to lie there.  
  
„Alright, let me just put this away…“, Laura crossed the room to set down the glass on her desk.  
  
The blonde settled herself next to her professor on her back and side-eyed her, before turning fully to the dark haired beauty beside her. Her expression was sad and still a hint of remorse was there to find.  
  
„Turn around.“, Laura asked of the brunette.  
  
„What?“  
  
„Just turn around and face the wall.“  
  
Carmilla understood it as a plea, so Laura wouldn’t have to look at her anymore, but was surprised when suddenly a gentle hand was stroking her back. The blonde nestled in closer and she could feel her steady, calming breathing on her neck.  
  
Laura never had seen Carmilla this open and vulnerable to her, she never expected it to happen at all actually, or at least not that soon. Even though she had a bad feeling about the whole Ell thing, she still found it somewhat comforting that the professor had tried so hard to apologize to her, to show her that she meant something to her, she even opened up to her about it. This situation made her let her own guards down a little.  
  
It felt so natural to be able to touch that delicate body. Laura never had held Carmilla like this, it had always been the other way around. She laughed internally at the thought of _‚always‘_. They barely had been dating for a week now and she already felt like it had been a long time.  
  
„Laura?“  
  
„Hmn?“  
  
„How long’s it gonna take you to forgive me?“, again that sad tone. Laura couldn’t stay mad another second. She knew they had to go over some things and talk, but both were tired of not being able to enjoy the other’s company. It was Saturday night, it wouldn’t be bad to lay off things for one night.  
  
„I already did forgive you… You don’t have to be perfect all the time. You are allowed to freak out sometimes.“, Laura nuzzled in closer, her whole front now pressed up against the brunette’s back. The student’s left arm was now tightly holding Carmilla close.  
  
„Maybe sometimes you don’t know how to handle things, because you never were allowed to act on emotions, or whatever… Don’t mind me, it’s just some crap I picked up in a tv show, you know.“, the journalism student trailed off.  
  
The last part of Laura’s sentence was a lie. The blonde hadn’t heard it on tv. Someone once said it to her.  
  
„Just because you are the elder one of us, doesn’t mean you always have to be the grown-up…“, that really was the last thing the amateur journalist had to say.  
  
„Oh gee, thanks, a woman wants to hear that she’s old.“, Carmilla chuckled at that not so flattering comment about her age.  
  
„Well, no I don’t mean you’re old. You’re just… Older than me.“, Laura welcomed the change of mood, there was some playfulness in their talking again, both slowly forgetting the things they were supposed to think of.  
  
„I am not that old you know?“, Carmilla tried to protest.  
  
„24… Is almost a quarter of a century. Have you thought about that?“, the journalist in spe said, while earning a low laugh.  
  
„Hmn, it feels like much longer than that.“, Carmilla trailed off and played with the hand that was gently placed in front of her, „This feels nice.“  
  
„It does. Doesn’t it?“, Laura got even closer, nonexistent space between them became apparent.  
  
„Mmmmh.“, the brunette hummed, before closing her eyes and slipping away into her dreamworld.  
  
Carmilla hadn’t thought about getting a good sleep that day anymore, but she was proven wrong.  
  
…  
  
Laura was pinned back, she wasn’t able to move, her whole body fought against her getting up. Why was her body so heavy…? The blonde opened her eyes slowly and saw that Carmilla’s head was resting on her chest and her arm draped over her stomach. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully. The blonde shifted a little, trying to get out of the position, when she felt the weight on her becoming lighter. Crap, the brunette was up.  
  
„I am sorry, I didn’t mean to…“, Carmilla apologized.  
  
„No, don’t be, it’s fine. I would have let you sleep on me, but I really need to go to the bathroom.“, the blonde got up.  
  
„Okay.“, Carmilla smiled and snuggled into the blanket Laura had spread over them. It was a little past 6 am in the morning, as the alarm clock on the student’s nightstand indicated.  
  
  
  
When Laura exited her bathroom, she saw that Carmilla was staring at her ceiling, deeply in her thoughts.  
  
„Do you want to eat something?“, the student interrupted her trail of thoughts.  
  
„No, I am not really hungry.“, the brunette replied and looked at her with a faint smile, before getting up, „I need to use the bathroom too.“  
  
Laura made her way to the cupboard where she stored all of her snacks. She needed a chocolate chip cookie right now and something else. She quickly checked, if her guest was still in the bathroom, before popping a white pill in her mouth and flushing it with a little water. After pouring her guest and herself some orange juice and putting some cookies on a plate, she settled on the bed, leaving the two glasses and the plate on her nightstand.  
  
„Beginning the day on sugar, are we?“, Carmilla was in the bedroom again.  
  
„I don’t really have a kitchen, so I have to live on my unhealthy snacks, when I am not out. Want a bite?“, the student offered her cookie to her guest.  
  
Carmilla shook her head and slowly made her way to the bed to sit on the edge, where Laura was already waiting for her.  
  
„Thanks for letting me stay here.“, the professor said, facing the beautiful girl beside her. Laura had combed her hair while Carmilla was using the bathroom, it wasn’t as disheveled as it was, when she had woken up. Although the professor liked that messy look on her.  
  
„Of course, I mean we are… We… _You are important to me and I care about you_.“, Laura didn’t know why, but she reached up and cupped Carmilla’s cheek, to emphasize her point maybe.  
  
The brunette smiled gently at that move. It felt good to be somewhat normal again.  
  
„Still, I mean… It’s not _your_ problem.“  
  
„Carm, if something’s bothering you, you can always come to me.“  
  
„I guess I just was anxious to face you with that, because every one that I cared about somehow left me in my mess, when I tried to talk to them about my issues… I am not used to... _You_.“  
  
„I know what you are talking about.“, Laura did know how it felt when being left alone.  
  
She felt the same way, she could relate to that very much. She trusted no one enough to tell them all of her and that left her alone in her own mess. That’s why all her previous relationships ended. Before telling them why exactly she acted like she did, she shut them off, leaving them clueless.  
  
Carmilla was as broken as her and that made her all the more enticing. Laura hoped that she wouldn’t jeopardize what they had with her baggage of the past. For the first time it felt like someone got her (even though she had no idea) and she wanted to hold that as close to herself as possible, even though it would require her to open up the last piece of her heart there was, but not that moment. Not yet. She had to be cautious. She couldn’t be falling too hard. Her mind wouldn’t allow it, to proceed that fast.  
  
„Hey?“, Carmilla brought Laura back to her, as she gently placed her hand on the blonde’s knee, „What are you thinking about?“  
  
„Just…“, the student didn’t really want to tell her yet, maybe one day. _Yes, one day probably._ For now she needed a change of subject, „What are you going to do with… I mean, are you planning on going to the wedding?“  
  
„I don’t think so.“, Carmilla replied quietly, „I don’t even get why she invited me.“  
  
„You were friends before you were together, weren’t you?“  
  
„Laura, it’s really sweet that you are so optimistic about this and trying to see the good in it, but trust me, she probably did that because she thought that would hurt me. She is like that… There are a lot of things that I didn’t tell you about her.“  
  
„Well yeah, I don’t really have a clear image on her, but it seemed like you loved her very much, so she couldn’t have been _that_ bad, right?“  
  
„I am not saying I didn’t, but that doesn’t mean she is an angel. I just don’t like talking bad about people.“  
  
  
  
  
„But has she been successful?“, Laura suddenly asked.  
  
„Successful?“  
  
„You said she probably did invite you to hurt you, so I am asking: Are you hurt that she is getting married?… _To someone else_?“, the last part was added in a whisper.  
  
Carmilla thought about it for a second. She really wasn’t. She actually felt relieved about that. Ell did break her heart, but she always wanted her to be happy. It was a bittersweet feeling, but not in a ‚I will never be yours‘ way, but rather in a ‚That chapter of my life has come to an end finally‘ kind of way. Still, running into Ell wouldn’t be good for her, of that she was sure.  
  
„No, I am not. If she is happy that’s all that matters right? I am just not up for meeting her, but... Let’s not talk about that anymore, okay?“  
  
„Okay.“, Laura still didn’t like the whole situation. She just couldn’t shrug off the feeling that the brunette was still attached to Ell, but she let it go. For now.  
  
  
  
„What are your plans on this lovely Sunday?“, there came the change of subject.  
  
„I have to finish up some coursework today, but other than that I don’t really have anything planned.“, Laura replied, meeting the gaze of her counterpart.  
  
„Hmn…“, Carmilla wasn’t sure if she could ask her to do something with her, not after the whole fiasco that had happened.  
  
„What about you?“, there was the smalltalk thing that the brunette didn’t like at all.  
  
„I finished all of my work on Friday night. I couldn’t really sleep… So… There’s that. I am free.“ _Free and lonely._  
  
„Right.“, Laura stood up and took a glass of orange juice to offer it to Carmilla, who thankfully accepted.  
  
  
  
„Listen…“, the professor started, „… I mean, I told you I would make up Friday night to you… So how would you feel about…“, Laura looked at her expectedly, „How about you come by my place later and I cook for you? I know it’s a school night, but you don’t have class in the morning tomorrow anyways and I don’t have to get in until 12.“, Laura was impressed that Carmilla had listened to her that one time she had been talking about her free Monday mornings.  
  
„You mean like a _date_?“  
  
„Yes and I promise you, this time I won’t be a jerk and I’ll throw away any cigarettes I own in my apartment. So there won’t be anything to spoil the night.“ Was that a secret hope that it would involve kissing?  
  
„I think that would work for me.“, Laura replied and was gifted with a beaming smile. Oh god, she was falling too much for that professor of hers. _Slow down, tiger._  
  
„That’s great! I uh should be going, before people see me here, I don’t think the campus will be busy at this time of the day on a Sunday, but I shouldn’t push my luck…“, Carmilla finished her juice and set the glass on the nightstand before getting up and heading for the door.  
  
„Yeah, you do that.“, Laura followed her guest and both stood there a little awkwardly, not really knowing how to say goodbye.  
  
„So, see you tonight? At six?“, the brunette asked again, she needed confirmation.  
  
„It’s a date.“, the student replied and stared at her counterpart for a moment, before deciding on her next step.  
  
Laura bit her lip and then just went for it. She cupped Carmilla’s face with her right hand and brought her down a little, so that she could place a tender kiss on her right cheek. The teacher didn’t expect it, but was very happy about the little gesture.  
  
„I’ll see you later, Laura.“  
  
…  
  
The journalism student was working on her laptop to finish an essay about ‚How to find reliable sources on the internet.‘. She had groaned, when they had gotten the assignment in class, because she hated all of that theoretical stuff about how to use the internet correctly.  
Laura was just happy that she’d reached the total of 2034 words and hit ‚save‘.  
  
After being done with the nightmare of an essay, she decided to tidy up her place a little. There were some dishes and glasses lying around here and there. As soon as she placed the last of her glasses in a small cupboard on the opposite wall to her bed, she heard a notification tone on her laptop. Who the hell was sending her emails on a Sunday?  
  
Laura sat down on her bed again and opened her mail provider. She quickly opened the received email and read through it thoroughly. It was from her editor at Silas Gazette.

e.freising@silasuniversity.com  
**Subject:** Hot stuff.

 _Hey Laura!_  
  
_I have a great offer for you! I hope, you won’t bail on me this time ;)_  
_Just come by any time tomorrow. Hope seeing you there!!!!_  
_And bring in that witty journalism charm of yours please._  
  
_Ed - the editor ;)_

Sent from my iPhone.  
  
  
Laura didn’t even bother to respond, because she really didn’t have the nerve to be assigned to some boring article again. She didn’t have that much luck that year with the topics she was given, so she almost every time declined. Other students thought she was crazy to do that, but she was sure she wouldn’t want to write about something that she didn’t enjoy thinking about in the first place.  
  
The student decided on going there though, because she had missed some of her friends from the paper. Maybe she would be surprised for once. She shook her head at herself, who was she kidding? She was still hoping to get some big shot reporter stuff, where she could go hide in bushes and follow around creeps on campus or something like that. However that never happened. Instead she got to write about school renovations and what to avoid, when being drunk on the campus.  
  
Laura set her laptop aside and went over to her dresser to look for something to wear to her date at night. Suddenly she felt bad for not standing her ground, because now it seemed like Carmilla could be terrible to her and then get away with it. She definitely didn’t want _that_ to happen.  
  
Laura didn’t want to set the wrong signals, so she decided to tell Carmilla, what she was thinking. When she got to her phone, she immediately changed her mind. The brunette did have a good reason to be upset. Okay, maybe she did overreact and most definitely didn’t need to be that rude or whatever bad swear word would fit into the situation, but she was human after all.  
  
Laura wanted to give her a second chance. She unlocked her phone screen and typed in a message for the professor, a little different one than she initially planned on sending her.  
  
**Laura:** _Hey, hope you got home without anyone seeing you._  
**Laura:** _Did you want me to bring anything tonight?_  
  
She hooked her phone to the charger, before getting out of her t-shirt on the way to her awaiting shower.  
  
  
  
  
Laura put on a white long-sleeved shirt and a black skirt that ended shortly above her knees paired with black see through tights. She put on a long black coat and some black boots and made her way to her bathroom mirror to get a look at herself. She felt okay, it was the perfect mixture of casual and fancy. It said something like ‚I dressed up a bit, but not too much.‘.  
  
The student crossed her room to get out of the door, when she remembered her phone being hooked to the charger. She went back to get it and immediately saw that Carmilla had texted her back.  
  
**C.K.:** _Just bring yourself. I’ll provide you with everything else._  
  
Laura smiled to herself, she was looking forward to the date and Carmilla’s cooking skill and her idea of making it up to her and - There was a knock on her door.  
  
„What the…?“, she whispered to herself and crossed the room to see who the intruder was.  
  
„Laura! Are you up for…“, LaF looked the girl up and down, „ _Dressing up_ …? Where you going?“  
  
„Um, out. What are _you_ doing here?“, the journalism student asked. Her nervousness getting ahold of her. Not good, not good at all.  
  
„I was just on my way to the bar with Perry and some colleagues and wanted to ask you, if you’d want to tag along?“  
  
„No, actually I have plans today.“  
  
„Yeah, I see that. Care to tell me with whom?“, LaFontaine wasn’t going to let this go.  
  
„Well, I just… I am meeting someone from my Anthropology class, you know the one I took last year?“  
  
„Yeah? Does that mean you are finally getting over professor sexy-pants?“, the ginger friend asked. Laura closed her dorm room from the outside, locking it, when she and her guest (or intruder) made their way down the stairs.  
  
„I wouldn’t say it like that… I mean, you know, because we _never really were doing anything_.“  
  
„Except for making out.“  
  
„We _didn’t_ make out, it was just a kiss.“, Laura said, glaring at her science major friend.  
  
Lying really was her strong suit, when it came to important things, but internally she was completely freaking out.  
  
„I’m liking it…“, LaF commented.  
  
„What?“  
  
„That you are not moping anymore. You got Perry and me worried.“  
  
„Yeah, do not worry for me…“  
  
Both were standing awkwardly in front of Laura’s dorm staring at the ground.  
  
„So you headed this way?“, LaFontaine nodded over to the same direction as the blonde was planning on going.  
  
„Uh, no actually. The other way.“ Crap, she would have to go the other way around.  
  
„Well, then I’ll see ya around huh?“  
  
„I’ll see you LaF.“, Laura was already turning onto the paved street.  
  
„And don’t forget to text me, how your date was.“, the science major added.  
  
„I never said it was a date!“, the blonde shrieked.  
  
„Laura, you never would dress like that, if you were just going out casually with a friend.“, they said knowingly and winked.  
  
„Oi, get to your bar, I’ll see you on Tuesday at lunch.“  
  
„Alright, L.! See ya!“, and off they were.  
  
Laura made sure to text Carmilla that she was going to run a little late, as she had to take a complete detour to the professor’s house. She couldn’t risk LaF to know where she was really headed, so she decided on going around the entire campus and taking some strange narrow pathways. She was relieved that the town they lived in was so small and the crime rate so low. (Plus: Praise the lord for Google Maps and bearspray, that made Laura feel extra safe.)  
  
…  
  
„She appears.“, Carmilla smirked and led her guest inside her apartment. Laura leaned in to place a short kiss on the professor’s lips, but that woman moved unfortunately and it landed on her cheek. _Awkward._  
  
Carmilla cursed herself for being so clueless to the act, but the damage had already been done. She couldn’t be like _‚Yo, kiss me again, I promise, this time, I’ll hold still.‘_  
  
~~Actually she could have.~~ Laura was already starting to talk.  
  
„Uhh… yeah, sorry about that, I ran into LaF and kind of had to go all around town so that they wouldn’t know where I was going.“, the blonde took off her coat and got out of her boots and saw the teacher’s eyes run down her body once, before she was met by her gaze again. She definitely was wearing the right attire for the evening.  
  
„You could have called me, I would have picked you up.“  
  
„Nah, don’t worry about it.“, Laura shrugged it off and took in the presence of the host. She was wearing a short black dress and her hair was curlier than normal. As if she had done the effort for the student. There was also the faintest of a nude colored lipstick on her lips to be traced.  
  
„What did you tell them?“, the brunette brought Laura out of her thoughts, as said blonde sat down on a barstool by Carmilla’s kitchen counter.  
  
„Oh, just that I was going out with a fellow student from SU.“  
  
„Ah, well… The SU part is true, so that shouldn’t really count as a lie.“, the brunette -while checking something in her oven- smiled. She was clearly pleased with whatever was going on in there. Laura took in the image of the dark haired beauty. She was smart, good looking and apparently making something that was smelling like heaven.  
  
Carmilla set out two wine glasses and fetched a bottle of Muscatel out of her fridge and put it on the counter beside Laura, before getting some tupperware out of her fridge. The journalism student followed every movement of the teacher, who was now holding out a corkscrew to her counterpart.  
  
„You know the drill…“, she gestured to the Muscatel placed on the counter, before continuing, „Or did you need help with that, _cutie_?“  
  
A wink and an irresistible smile later…  
  
The brunette emphasized the word _‚cutie‘_ , and got a knowing eye roll for that. That was the first thing she ever said to Laura. Well, not maybe exactly in those words, or in a similar situation to the one they were in now, but that was the thing that got them together.  
  
_A bottle of wine._  
  
„So, _what_ are you cooking... Or you know making?“, the blonde asked, as she was working the bottle. She poured the liquid gold into two glasses and handed one over to the host.  
  
„Oh, it’s going to be a surprise... Dinner’s gonna be ready by 7. So we do have plenty of time to make ourselves cozy on my couch, what do you say?“  
  
„Yeah, that’s fine by me.“  
  
  
  
„So, did you finish all your coursework?“, Carmilla broke the awkward silence that had managed to sneak in.  
  
„Yeah, it was the most boring thing ever! I had to write a 2000 word paper on how to search for reliable sources on the internet.“, Laura groaned and took a sip of her sweet wine.  
  
„That just sounds… _Exciting_.“, the brunette said sarcastically.  
  
„I sat about 2 hours on that crap and had to change some paragraphs about 10 times, before giving up and just be happy about the fact that I actually managed to reach the word goal.“  
  
Laura and Carmilla both felt the awkwardness between them. They usually didn’t talk about university at all - not like that at least. It was small talk again, the one thing that the brunette hated. She had to change that.  
  
„I am really grateful that you decided to come.“, Carmilla said with a genuine smile and got one in return. The student remained silent though, trailing off into her thoughts.  
  
„Is everything alright?“, the professor wanted to know.  
  
„Yeah, I just… The food smells really nice.“  
  
Small talk again. Silence would be better maybe. No, Carmilla couldn’t deal with that.  
  
  
  
„So, I am making a salad, actually I do have prepared everything, but would you like to help me with the finishing touches?“, the brunette tried.  
  
„Of course!“, Laura was too grateful for the offer, because the situation between them got really quiet and weird.  
  
They placed their glasses on the dining table beside the couch, where Carmilla already had set plates out for them to eat in, and made it into the kitchen again. The professor opened the tupperware boxes from before and mixed everything in a bowl.  
  
„What can I do to help?“, Laura wanted to know, as she was standing right next to the host.  
  
„Oh, you could fetch me a big bowl out of the…“, Carmilla looked up to her kitchen cabinet and remembered that the other girl was not going to be able to reach that said thing due to her petite size. Even she had some trouble with that sometimes, „You know what, how about I go get the bowl and you just mix the salad with that dressing I prepared over there.“, She gestured to a closed container.  
  
„Will do.“  
  
Carmilla stretched and reached up to get the bowl, oh yes, she was sure that her guest wouldn’t have been able to reach that, she was having little trouble with it. Laura eyed her every move, staring at the flexing muscles and the brunette’s habit of licking her lips. She wanted to kiss them, it had been far too long since the last make out session on Carmilla’s sofa. Her advances to kiss the brunette before had gone awry, when she’d moved.  
  
„You aren’t really going to be much of a help, if you’re just going to stare at me, _sweetheart_.“, the older woman chuckled and gently pushed the blonde away by placing her hand on her shoulder, so that she could mix the salad in the bowl. Laura flinched a little at the touch.  
  
„Why are you putting that in there anyways? The bowl the salad was in, had been big enough.“  
  
„Because it doesn’t match the plates on the table. I’ve had this dinner set for about 4 months, I wanted to use it for a _special occasion_ , so now is that time.“, Carmilla smiled and saw how Laura blushed a little and fixated her gaze on the bowl set in front of her.  
  
„Can I try?“, the student asked and got a nod in return. She reached over to a slice of pepper, dipped it into the dressing and put it in her mouth.  
  
„And what do you say?“  
  
„It is a simple salad dressing, I will judge your cooking skills on the main course.“, Laura responded, „But it’s good though.“  
  
„That dressing is everything, but simple, _dear_ … But alright…“, Carmilla had mixed the salad thoroughly and was now resting an elbow on the counter and facing her guest. Laura eyed her in that position, being so casually _uncasual_. Did that word even exist? She didn’t know. Didn’t matter.  
  
Carmilla was just about to say something, when the clock on the oven went off indicating that the food was ready. The brunette shooed Laura accompanied with the bowl of salad into the living room to the dining table. The blonde felt a little out of place and helpless, as she was looking around the room. How the hell had she gotten herself in that position? She didn’t even know, but it was exciting. Carmilla was like a breath of fresh air.  
  
„That’s my grandma’s recipe… Meat lasagna...“, Carmilla proudly presented her… _Lasagna._  
  
„Wow, Carm that looks great.“, Laura nodded approvingly.  
  
„Thank you, I hope it suits your tastebuds.“  
  
  
  
  
„That was like one of the best things someone’s ever cooked for me.“, the blonde said after swallowing down the last piece of her meal.  
  
„I am glad to hear that. Do you want more?“, the older woman asked her date.  
  
„No, I actually want to be able to walk to my dorm room rather than roll there.“, the student giggled.  
  
„… Or you could just stay here and I could drive you home tomorrow morning.“, Carmilla glanced hopefully to the girl opposed to her. Laura considered it for a moment and bit down her lip.  
  
„We’ll see how the evening goes.“, she finally managed to say. _That was not a definite no._  
  
Carmilla had asked her to stay. The brunette had really tried hard to make the evening enjoyable, they both had, but one couldn’t leave behind unresolved issues and act like everything was normal. Laura would need a little time, of that Carmilla was well aware.  
  
„Do you want to watch TV or I don’t know… Uh…“, the professor awkwardly asked.  
  
**Awkward** seemed to be the theme of that date night.  
  
„I would be fine with TV.“  
  
Carmilla put the dishes into her dishwasher (of course not letting her guest help her, but telling her to sit on the couch and look pretty). She earned a blush and a smile for that. At least that part went accordingly to her. Laura had even listened to her. When Carmilla came back, she found her staring at her flatscreen that was mounted to the wall. ‚The O.C.‘ reruns were playing.  
  
„Did you watch that show?“, Carmilla wanted to know, when she plopped down beside Laura on the couch.  
  
„Yeah I did, I loved it… And there’s nothing else playing, so we might as well watch that…“, the blonde replied, she turned her attention over to her counterpart, Carmilla wasn’t even facing the TV. They shared a little staring contest, before one broke the silence.  
  
„The TV is that way, Carm.“  
  
„Maybe I just don’t want to watch TV.“, the brunette almost whispered with that look on her face, her eyes boring through Laura’s soul and her lips curled into a gentle smile. That face was to die for.  
  
„What do you want to do instead?“, the student asked in a low voice, also similar to a whisper. She hadn’t even noticed how close they were sitting, because she was drawn to that dark haired beauty. She felt herself leaning in slightly. Waiting for an answer. Although she had a pretty good idea on what the dark haired beauty would enjoy doing right now.  
  
Carmilla broke off eye contact and instead fixated her sight on the blonde’s hands. Without even really thinking about it, she slowly reached forwards and pulled one to her lap. Tracing Laura’s palm with her index finger. The silence that took place that moment wasn’t like the other ones on that night.  
  
There was something soothing about it, something comforting. Words were unnecessary. Laura’s hand stopped Carmilla’s left hand and intertwined their fingers in the air, both looking at the other one in the room.  
  
„I am sorry.“, it was probably the hundredth time Carmilla said that, but she felt like it had to be said. _Once again._  
  
„I told you not to apologize anymore.“  
  
„I know, but I just feel like there is something between us now and I really would like to fix that, because I want to be able to be normal again with you.“, the professor’s guilt was mirrored in her eyes.  
  
„Nothing about our situation was ever normal and nothing probably ever will, Carmilla.“  
  
The brunette nodded her head, and was already ready to drop the desire to be able to form a new closeness again, but something changed when Laura came closer and slowly put her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders. She rubbed Carmilla’s arms up and down, before finally leaning in and hugging her. The professor was still for a moment, but when she caught on to the fact that she was in Laura’s embrace, she put her hands on her student’s waist, keeping her close.  
  
It was as if Laura didn’t know how to handle the situation properly. She was constantly dragging herself back and forth. For one she didn’t want anything more than kissing the woman she was holding now but at the same time she felt like something was wrong about that. She couldn’t place that feeling. It was her head telling her not to get too attached, for the brunette could already hurt her too much. She meant to her too much.  
  
Carmilla on the other hand was relishing the embrace. She realized that she never really had hugged Laura before. They had kissed, but they never had held each other, not like this anyways. She took in the blonde’s sweet scent. Her shampoo was smelling like cherry and it clouded Carmilla’s mind. She breathed in sharply as to memorize it properly.  
  
Laura slowly pulled back and their faces were mere inches apart. Carmilla studied her counterpart’s expression intently, wondering about what the other was thinking, when she suddenly saw her lean in for -was she really leaning in to kiss her? The blonde’s forehead touched Carmilla’s slightly and both were looking at each other’s lips.  
  
Before anyone could utter anything or something would distract them, Laura took the liberty at giving in. She slowly engaged her counterpart in a much too gentle kiss. It reminded herself of the kiss at the dance. It was like the first time they had kissed. Gentle, not trying to break the other, as if she had never done that before. After they broke apart, Carmilla opened her eyes to see hazel ones looking at her, taking in her movements. A slight frown was evident on Laura’s face.  
  
„What’s wrong?“, the brunette asked, moving her hands from Laura’s waist to her thighs, gently applying pressure to gain her full attention. The blonde closed her eyes for a second and seemed to pick out the words.  
  
„I was really hurt on Friday.“  
  
Peng. A low blow for Carmilla. She was feeling guilty again. She closed her eyes and sighed a little, retreating her hands, as if she didn’t deserve to have her hands on Laura’s thighs, but she was stopped mid-motion again. The amateur journalist held her hands captive with her own and continued to speak.  
  
„I am not saying that so that you feel bad about it, I just want you to know. Maybe the next time you feel like taking things out on me, you will remember that and will decide to go against it.“  
  
„There won’t be a next time.“, merely a whisper.  
  
Laura eyed Carmilla meticulously. She just didn’t want to deal with this right that moment. It was their date for god’s sake and the brunette really did try her best, so she could at least forget whatever unsaid things there still were for the night.  
  
However this wouldn’t go away just like that, of that she was sure.  
  
The blonde leaned in again, much to Carmilla’s surprise and suddenly the brunette was involved in a lip-lock with her student. Laura -whilst kissing- managed to kneel on the sofa and put her arms around the dark haired beauty, who was still in a sitting position. She forgot everything there was to think about, her left hand glided through Carmilla’s perfect locks, her other hand was placed on the nape of the brunette’s neck, pulling her closer.  
  
Carmilla’s breath hitched, when a tongue was seeking for entrance, gladly inviting it in. The teacher  was playing with the waistband of Laura’s skirt, not really noticing, what she was doing -neither one of them actually noticed that.  
  
Suddenly there was a loss of contact. Laura jumped up from the couch. Carmilla’s eyes shot open.  
  
„Race you.“, the blonde whispered with a smirk and ran to the corner of the room, waiting for the brunette to follow her.  
  
Carmilla shook her head slightly in disbelief, still not over the fact that they could have been still kissing, if Laura hadn’t jumped up to play tag. The teacher got up, with an irritated facial expression that said something like ‚Seriously?‘, but didn’t bother to run. She just approached the girl, who giggled and ran to another corner.  
  
The brunette shook her head again and tried to approach her guest, when said blonde was again running the other direction. That went on for some time, until someone got impatient.  
  
„You think that’s funny?“, Carmilla asked.  
  
„Oh yes, it’s crazy funny.“, the sudden mood change was welcomed by the teacher, although that sneaky little thing ran away every time she tried to approach her.  
  
„I am not going to run around in my apartment in an effort to chase you down, you know? That’s ridiculous.“  
  
„Yeah well… If you want to kiss me, you will.“  
  
„Will I? You sure?“, Carmilla’s raspy voice was filling the room.  
  
„Oh I am _very sure_.“, Laura wasn’t only being goofy, she was rather determined to be right.  
  
And she was.  
  
Carmilla caught her off guard, when she really took up a little speed in her pace and cornered the blonde. Both of her hands were beside Laura’s head on the wall to make her escape impossible. The student smirked slightly, her lips glazing a little.  
  
„Told you.“, the shorter girl said with a smug.  
  
Carmilla just smirked back and leaned in to kiss her counterpart again. Laura immediately put both of her hands on the brunette’s arms and put them down, stopping Carmilla from pinning her to the wall and flung her arms around her neck. They were standing there, indulging into some kisses. With every time either Laura or her professor leaned in for another kiss, it got more and more heated, more and more passionate.  
  
  
  
  
She didn’t really know how exactly, but Laura suddenly was found on Carmilla’s bed with the dark haired beauty above her, looking down at her with a smile and leaning in for a kiss before moving to her neck. Her breath hitched at the sensations the brunette left on her skin with her lips. Carmilla didn’t really have that much access to showing skin, as Laura was wearing a long sleeved shirt of some sort, but the squirming girl beneath her still was pleasing enough.  
  
The blonde was enjoying the attention given to her neck, lazily playing with some loose strands of dark hair with her left and gripping on Carmilla’s dress with her right hand. The older woman put her own hand to use, when it trailed down Laura’s body and slipped under her skirt from below. At first she only had it on the journalism student’s thigh, but then she moved up, until she felt the waistband of Laura’s underwear and tights.  
  
Laura’s lips were taken care of again, the hand under her skirt gently, really very subtly brushed over her hip bone. Just in that moment Laura caught onto the situation they were in, if she wouldn’t stop now, she was sure she would be sleeping with her teacher. Her whole body stiffened and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.  
  
It felt both great and horrible at the same time.  
  
The blonde couldn’t do that, not like that. Granted, they weren’t drunk this time (they barely nipped on the Muscatel), but still sleeping together wouldn’t be happening tonight. That she had promised to herself, because she needed to regain the certain place she was with Carmilla again and she knew for herself that she would be needing some time for that or something. Maybe a clarifying talk?  
  
Aside from that Laura did not want Carmilla to give the impression that she could make things good with physical affection. That being the reason behind them having sex? Well, not acceptable.  
  
Laura stopped Carmilla in her tracks and refrained from any other tongue games, causing the brunette to cast her a questioning look.  
  
„I can’t.“, was all Laura could utter, the dark haired beauty studied her intently, capturing her eyes with her own, diving into her soul.  
  
„Not tonight…“  
  
„Okay.“, the professor got up and paused for a moment, thinking of something. After a while she held out her hand for the other to take, but the student didn’t understand, „We can watch TV, if you want.“  
  
Laura was genuinely surprised that she wasn’t asked for any further explanations. She wasn’t even sure if she was happy about that fact, because ignoring important topics had always jeopardized things in her past (it was mostly Laura’s doing, but still). Carmilla seemed to be perfectly okay with that though, so she reached out to take the hand that was stretched out to her and got up.  
  
They made their way back to the living room, where the clock on the wall showed Laura how much time actually had passed since they had started watching TV.  
  
„Hey, listen, as much as I love myself some reruns, I think I will be heading home now, it is past my bedtime and quite frankly spok-“  
  
„ _Stay here_.“, Carmilla interrupted and stepped closer to the blonde. She asked for the second time that night.  
  
„What?“, the journalism student didn’t know if she’d heard correctly, that sure had to be important to Carmilla.  
  
„Tomorrow’s no morning class right? I will drive you to your dorm tomorrow. _Stay here with me tonight_.“  
  
Laura seemed to consider it, her gaze fell through the open bedroom door onto the bed that they both had occupied some minutes ago.  
  
„ _I would like to wake up next to you tomorrow_ …“, Carmilla tried once more to persuade the blonde.  
  
„I don’t even have any clothes with me…“, Laura started.  
  
„You can raid my closet. I’m sure you’ll find something there.“  
  
„I don’t know Carm…“, the student’s gaze fell onto the bed again, and her date stepped closer once more. Carmilla tugged on Laura’s arm.  
  
„What are you worried about? I won’t try to do anything, I promise. We’ll just sleep. _Innocently_.“, that seemed to ease the conflict in the blonde’s head. Another reassuring smile and Laura was won over.  
  
„I mean, it’s pretty late… So… Might as well…“, the amateur journalist was finally giving in.  
  
Carmilla bit down on her bottom lip and smiled. „Yes! Let’s go find you something to wear to bed.“

That would make 2 nights in a row spent together. That was not casual dating anymore, it felt like a relationship. _Kind of like a serious one._


	13. A Tale Of Carmilla's Trophies And Exes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is entirely too sweet.  
> Carmilla is such a queen of tease.  
> So much fluff, I think I might gag a little.  
> Laura gets an irresistible offer at Silas Gazette.

Laura woke up with harsh sunlight boring through her eyelids. What were curtains made for? She slowly blinked and immediately got confused. She wasn’t in her room, her dorm room was not painted in grey… Her bed wasn’t that comfortable either... And that big...

Then she remembered, she was at Carmilla’s place. The student had slept there, because… _Because Carmilla had requested it_. It was admirable that she had the courage to ask her that, but also sweet that she wanted to wake up to Laura, the blonde thought to herself. She turned around and saw the brunette wasn’t beside her.  
  
She decided to get up, thinking that Carmilla was probably one of those people that read the paper in the morning with a cup of coffee. Laura stood up and stretched out her limbs, satisfied with the cracking sounds that came with it. Her first stop was the bathroom. Carmilla had given her a spare toothbrush the night before, which she now was using again. This made her a little anxious. She had a spare toothbrush at the teacher’s apartment. That was a big sign of commitment. The student decided to brush it off though (literally), seeing it as a nice act from her professor.  
  
On her way back to the bedroom, Laura picked up her skirt and put it on. She hadn’t put on pants, since Carmilla’s oversized ‚Berkeley‘ t-shirt almost reached her knees. Her gaze fell on to the picture of Carmilla’s dad across the room by the door. She eyed the picture a long time, feeling a little uncomfortable taking off her shirt in front of him, so she instead walked up to it.  
  
Her fingertips trailed over the frame delicately. He really was good looking, she thought to herself. His eyes were the same as Carmilla’s and Laura could’ve sworn that he was smirking the same way as his daughter.  
  
„Hello Sir.“, Laura looked him in the eyes.  
  
„I am Laura Hollis. It is really nice to meet you... Even if it’s under these circumstances... It’s a shame that I don’t know _your_ name but-“  
  
„It’s Matthias.“, Carmilla scared the poor student, when she emerged from nowhere.  
  
„Ma- what now?“, Laura was pretty sure that the brunette had talked in a different language.  
  
„It’s the German form of Matthew. You can call him that.“, Carmilla said and held up a cup of coffee to her guest, who thankfully accepted, „What were you doing anyways?“  
  
„I uh, well I felt a little rude for not introducing myself the first time I came here. I don’t want your dad to have a bad impression of me.“  
  
Carmilla looked at Laura in awe. Her heart pounded wildly for the tiny blonde in that moment. Who came up with something like that? Who thought like that? She smiled and looked at the picture of her father.  
  
„I think he would have liked you.“, the brunette said, imagining, how their encounter might have been.  
  
Laura eyed the professor and for the first time she seemed actually being able to talk about him.  
  
„You loved him a lot, didn’t you?“  
  
The answer to that question was a simple smile and nod. The blonde took that as her cue to stop talking about it, before things got out of hand again.  
  
„So, listen, I think I am gonna head home now…“, Laura started and Carmilla chuckled and shook her head.  
  
„Given the fact that _you confessed having feelings for me_ not so long ago, you sure _don’t like to spend time with me_ , huh?“  
  
„I uh- No, I like spending time with you, I just have to be somewhere an-“  
  
„No, it’s okay, I will take you home, but you will have to breakfast with me before that.“  
  
„Oh you mean, I get self made dinner _and_ breakfast on one date? How fancy...“, the student laughed.  
  
„Don’t get used to this _perfect-girlfriend crap_.“  
  
The moment that sentence escaped Carmilla’s mouth, her eyes grew wide.  
  
„Oh my god, I didn’t mean-“, she tried to save it.  
  
„I, yeah, no- totally, you couldn’t have meant _that_ -“, Laura took a deep breath, „I know what you meant.“  
  
„Okay, good… Soo... Breakfast?“  
  
„Mhm.“  
  
  
  
  
The blonde student and her teacher were seated at the dining table and Laura was right, Carmilla _was_ reading the newspaper with glasses on and sipped on coffee. The sight of it was just… _Criminal_. It was a crime to be looking that good with glasses, the amateur journalist thought to herself. The brunette looked up to meet hazel eyes staring at her.  
  
„What?“, Carmilla asked, while folding together the newspaper in her hands.  
  
„I like you in glasses. Didn’t know you wore them.“  
  
„I just ran out of my contacts. You will probably not see me in those very often.“, the brunette uttered and took a bite off her toast.  
  
Both shared an awkward moment of silence, before Laura and her typical urge to ask questions erupted again.  
  
„So, you always brag about your Ivy League degrees, but I actually don’t even know which university you attended…“  
  
„Universities. There were 2 different ones. And _I do not brag_.“, she only used to. To get girls. Sapiosexuality was a thing.  
  
„Oh, okay. Which ones did you go to?“, Laura was such an adorable little creature with all her inquiries, but sometimes (sometimes was a synonym for often when it came to Carmilla) the teacher liked to tease her.  
  
„Wouldn’t you like to know?“, Carmilla smirked while winking at her and finishing up her coffee.  
  
„I mean, I know, you went to Berkeley. So I just have to figure out the other one all by myself…“, the blonde really thought that she was being smart.  
  
„Yeah you could… But who said I went to Berkeley?“, the brunette asked, totally amused by her student.  
  
„I mean, I may be oblivious, but I am not _that_ dumb, Carmilla!“, Laura stood up and pointed over her torso, where the Berkeley t-shirt clung to her body.  
  
„I never said you were dumb, but who said it’s _mine_?“  
  
„It’s not?“, Laura was surprised.  
  
„I am actually starting to doubt your journalist-qualities, Ms. Hollis… Berkeley is _not_ an Ivy League university.“, Carmilla didn’t answer the question directly.  
  
„It’s not…? But… Okay that’s not the point… _Whose t-shirt am I wearing?_ “  
  
„Let’s just say, I kept it as a _trophy_.“, Carmilla said, still with a smug smile. The word trophy rolled off her tongue in an odd way.  
  
„Trophy? When you visited the university? Or…?“, poor blonde student was completely confused.  
  
„No.“, the professor tightly pressed her lips together. Laura seemed to slowly get the hint.  
  
„Oh my… _**Ew**_ … You- You gave me a shirt that _belonged to one of your hook-ups_?“, the student suddenly was disgusted.  
  
„Well, I am sorry, but I didn’t exactly _give it to you_ , you were the one who snatched it out of my hand last night.“  
  
„Because it looked comfortable and… Because _I love yellow_ but… Ugh…  I can’t believe, I really wanted to keep it some minutes ago… _Why do you still have it?_ “  
  
Carmilla shrugged and her amusement was still present.  
  
„I didn’t even know I still had _them_ … I found it in a hidden pile of untouched clothes since 2011 in the back of my closet last night. I never sorted it through, when I moved in here.“  
  
„ _Them? How many of them do exist?_ “  
  
„Why? Are you jealous?“, Carmilla cocked an eyebrow in question. Still smirking.  
  
„Jealous?“, Laura couldn’t believe what she had heard, „Jealous of what exactly?“ _„Fooling around“ with countless girls?_  
  
„Of my _super big collection of cool university merchandise_ of course!“, the professor exclaimed overly dramatic and tried to take the tension off the situation. What a save!  
  
„Mhm. I’m gonna change into my shirt now.“, Laura got up and made her way to Carmilla’s bedroom. The brunette smiled after her, as she closed the door behind her slightly, still leaving a crack open, which allowed the teacher to admire the student’s perfectly shaped back, as she got out of the yellow college t-shirt. (Laura seemingly had forgotten about the picture of Carmilla's dad looking down on her.)  
  
„ _She’s entirely too beautiful_.“, was all Carmilla whispered to herself, when her gaze fell back onto the newspaper on the table.  
  
  
  
  
„Are you busy this afternoon?“, Carmilla wanted to know, when she held the door to her car open for her student.  
  
„No, not really aside from my journalism class.“, the blonde said and got into the vehicle. She watched her professor go around and getting into the driver’s seat.  
  
„Maybe we’ll see each other today, hmn?“  
  
„Can’t get enough of me, huh?“, Laura asked and tilted her head back a little with a smug grin plastered to her face.  
  
„If you don’t want to see me…“, Carmilla trailed off and started the engine.  
  
„Oh, I do, I mean, I am not _as_ eager to see you as _you_ are to see _me_ …“, for that the student got smacked on her arm lightly and the brunette stuck out her tongue. Laura loved this kind of playfulness between them. Those were the moments, she couldn’t tell that that was her teacher she was interacting with.  
  
„You know that this is illegal, right?“  
  
„What is?“, the professor turned to face Laura in slight confusion.  
  
„Hitting your students? You could get into jail for that. If I were to press any charges -depending on the injury of course- you’d be in trouble.“, the blonde deadpanned.  
  
„Therefore you would have to have _real injuries_.“  
  
„I’m sure you could hurt me, if you wanted to.“, Laura was the one, who stuck out her tongue now.  
  
„Yeah, I guess.“, the teacher drove out of her spot. Laura caught onto the sudden mood change between them.  
  
„Hey?“, she lay her hand on Carmilla’s left one on the stick-shift and followed her movements until it rested in the 4th gear. „What’s wrong?“  
  
„Nothing.“, the brunette sucked in her bottom lip and sighed. The traffic light jumped to red and she stopped the car. Carmilla changed into the first gear and intertwined her fingers with Laura’s.  
  
„Because… You seem broody.“, the blonde noticed.  
  
„Broody?“  
  
„Broody, yes. As if something’s bothering you...“, the amateur journalist confirmed. There was a short period of silence, before Carmilla spoke.  
  
„I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that right? ... After I saw your face, when you got out of my car on Friday and the hurt I caused you… I just… I feel so guilty. I know, we don’t know each other that well, and hell, we’ve been barely dating over a week… I don’t want to screw this up, because you think that I am like that all the time… It was just a really bad timing for that to happen… I never want to be the cause of _that face on you_ again...“  
  
This wasn’t an apology, it was an explanation of some sorts and a silent plea to give her another shot.  
  
„Okay.“  
  
„No, not okay. I need you to tell me, what I can do that you believe me that that’s not who I am. I am not that cruel person you got to know on Friday... That was just... I have no idea...“, the traffic light jumped to green, so the car was moving again.  
  
„You already told me that that wasn’t you. I just… How am I supposed to know, _what’s you_? You never really talk about things and when you do, it often leads to anger or I don’t know and I feel helpless, because I just want to get to know you better and… _I am making no sense aren’t I?_ “, Laura closed her eyes and sighed „I… I would like you to talk about things more openly to me. I mean, you don’t have to talk about everything, god knows, _I have my secrets too._ “, not a good thing to say out loud, Laura. However Carmilla let that one go, because that was none of her business, _not yet_ anyways.  
  
„Okay, I will work on talking about issues...“  
  
„Yeah… I mean, I know you’ve only known me for what? Two month-“  
  
„65 days.“, Carmilla said calmly and earned a surprised look for that.  
  
„Were you counting the days?“  
  
„No, but I am incredibly good at maths.“, the brunette winked and averted her gaze onto the street again.  
  
What a lie. Carmilla Karnstein was good at many things, but she certainly wasn’t good at _that_ , but she was a little embarrassed about the fact that she did indeed keep count. She’d done that some days ago, counting the days in her calendar since she had met Laura. She had counted the days, because since the day she had met that blonde, she had only bought 2 cigarette packs, smoked only 26.  
  
„Uh, yeah whatever, what I was going to say is that we don’t really know each other for that long, but still I would like you to tell me, when something’s bothering you. And if you can’t tell me, then not to shut me out like you did on Friday or at least not take it out on me.“, Laura explained and caught onto the fact that they had been standing on spot for quite a while. They were near the campus.  
  
„Yeah, I know… I will keep that in mind in the future…“, Carmilla responded, turning off the engine. _Future._ It was odd to think that far ahead, but it was exciting.  
  
„Okay, that’s all there is… We’ll figure that all out, I guess. We don’t really have the easiest situation to begin with.“, the blonde unbuckled herself and stared into distance through the windshield.  
  
„You should get going, you said something about going somewhere.“, Carmilla remarked.  
  
„Yeah, right…“, Laura’s gaze fell back to the driver’s seat, „... Thanks you know?“  
  
„For what?“  
  
„For last night. For dinner and for breakfast today and _this talk_ … I had a really good time… And for understanding when I… When we- _Last night_ … You know, I thought about that-“  
  
„This isn’t something we need to talk about.“, Carmilla stated, knowing what the blonde was referring to.  
  
„But I think maybe it is. I just…“  
  
„I get it Laura, I do. _I shouldn’t have, it was too soon for you_ … I am sorry.“  
  
„Oh god. No, _don’t apologize._ “, Laura buried her face in her hands, „I feel like a teenager, who’s never been intimate with someone. And let me assure you, _it was not too soon for me_.“  
  
„Laura: I’m telling you, we won’t rush. It’s okay yeah? We are two adults.“  
  
„That’s what I don’t understand. _We are adults_. We are way past that _waiting thing_.“, the blonde groaned.  
  
„Uhm, you lost me on that one, sweetheart.“, Carmilla’s confusion was written all over her face.  
  
„We are adults and _this_ shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t know what held me back exactly... I was just thinking weird stuff, but all you have been is understanding and...“, she didn't know how to finish the sentence.  
  
„Why not? Just because we are grownup’s doesn’t mean we can’t be unsure of certain things.“  
  
„But I do want to… I just… I was just having a moment, I was being childish...“  
  
„Laura…“, the professor shook her head, „I want you to forget that right away okay? There isn’t a _being childish_ , when it comes to this, yeah? Just trust me, when I say that it’s okay, yeah? It will happen, when we both want it to happen. _Sex is not the reason I am in this_ …“, Carmilla almost said relationship, „… Well that’s not the reason for me to want to spend time with you.“  
  
„Okay.“, finally Laura let it go. And quite frankly that conversation made the student question her own decision from last night more than she already was, because Carmilla really was nothing but sweet and understanding except for the whole debacle two days ago. She had never been pushing her in that matter though. Carmilla was the one to pull away the first time and that first time really would have been a mistake. Carmilla had saved them from making that mistake. Maybe this was the talk they needed to have, the assurance. So that the blonde saw that she could trust her with that. She didn’t really have a good reason not to want anymore.  
  
_Those damn trust issues_ , Laura thought to herself.  
  
„Kiss me?“, Carmilla asked finally and the way she asked could melt away anyone. Laura’s heart fluttered at the question and she nodded.  
  
The blonde put her hand on her professor’s cheek and traced her cheekbone with her thumb. Carmilla closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. Laura closed the distance between them and captured the brunette’s lips with hers.  
  
„I should get going…“, Laura said after breaking away, but engaged Carmilla in another kiss shortly after that. The dark haired beauty just hummed in agreement, „… Now, Carmilla...“  
  
„Hmn?“, the professor had no intention in letting her student go, because she wasn’t doing anything to leave the car either.  
  
„I need to go, Carmilla. _I really do_.“, the blonde was still sitting in the car.  
  
„Then get out, I am not holding you back.“, the professor sat back straight and started her engine. That way she wanted to make sure they would separate soon, but they didn’t.  
  
  
  
Laura’s Sunday had been a success, well sort of and Monday had begun perfectly too.  
  
Laura had changed into more warm clothes, when she got to her dorm and even spoke to LaF on the phone and listened to them talking about Perry. That was borderline gross, but still kind of cute. She understood them, she was feeling similarly about Carmilla too, if she could, she would be saying gross things about her too…

 _She would ramble on about how Carmilla's smug grin could infuriate her, but in the same time make her heart flutter in her chest. She would rave of her seemingly infinite knowledge and how sexy the professor looked in glasses. She would talk about how Carmilla was considerate and understanding about everything that involved her insecurities and weird issues._  
  
Maybe she really was falling, _top to toe falling_ , but her heart wasn’t ready yet. They weren’t even together properly yet. She settled on turning down a notch on the feelings front and letting them sink in. Slowly. Laura didn’t want to screw things up by rushing things. She knew herself too well.  
  
After sorting through some stuff, Laura decided that now should be the perfect time to drop by at the university newspaper office. She had 2 hours until her classes would begin in the afternoon. The email that she had received from Ed the day before, didn’t say a specific time anyways. The blonde crossed the campus and got into the building, where the editorial department of Silas Gazette was in.  
  
  
  
„Laura, I didn’t expect to see _you_ here…“, Ed greeted the blonde.  
  
„Well, you sent me an email saying you wanted to see me, and now I am here… Where are Natalie and Will?“, the journalism student looked around the room. There were only two unknown faces to be seen.  
  
„They don’t come in on Mondays, guess you’ll be stuck with me.“, the dark haired man winked at the amateur journalist.  
  
„Okay… So, what’s that super exciting article that you wanted me to take a look at?“  
  
„Take a look at? _I want you to write it_.“, the editor said whilst laughing, „I mean, if you’re even up for it… You’ve been declining so many offers of mine that I start to wonder if you even want me to contact you…“  
  
„Yeah, about that… I just think writing about things that I care about or feel connected to will make me a better writer for the future… I don’t like to force things on myself…“  
  
„Well, in that case I think I may have found you something that you’ll like.“  
  
„Oh really?“, Laura was starting to be curious now. She took the seat across Ed’s desk and waited for him to go on.  
  
  
  
„ _Professor Carmilla Karnstein_ , what do you think of her?“  
  
Laura’s jaw dropped. Did he know something?  
  
„What…?“ _Panic. Panic. PANIC!_  
  
„I mean, you are the only writer at Silas Gazette that is in her class and-“  
  
„Wait, Ed, what is this about?“  
  
„I am asking you to write an article about her.“  
  
Another confused headshake.  
  
„I would be writing about professor Karnstein?“, Laura couldn’t believe what she was told.  
  
„Yeah, actually we didn’t have that planned, I mean she is new and all, but Theo overheard someone from the board talking to Mr. Pfeiffer about the new star assistant professor at Silas and that she’d seen the evaluation papers on professor Karnstein and apparently she was quite popular.“  
  
„Now is she?“, the blonde was laughing internally. She never would have expected this to be the theme of her next article.  
  
„I’ll set you up with her for an interview in her office, if you want. I mean, if you even want to write the article… But since you actually are in her seminar, I thought you should be the one to do the honors…“  
  
„Yeah, no you thought right, I am probably one of the people that know her best… I mean, I am in her class and have seen her in action and stuff... But I’ll take care of making an appointment with her.“  
  
„So does this mean, you’ll do the job?“, the editor wanted to know.  
  
Laura was panicking in the inside. How many people would read that? Well, that wasn’t the point, the point was that Danny read the Silas Gazette. (Or at least she had read it, when they were together and knew that the blonde got published. She had never seen the tall redhead read it for any other reason.) And oh my god! Now she would be writing an article about Carmilla Karnstein. Maybe Danny wouldn’t even see the article, because she would never know about it and she was not Laura's girlfriend anymore anyways. Danny just wasn't allowed to find out. She hoped it so much for herself that she wouldn't. If she didn’t write the article though, someone else would be, so declining was really no real option to avoid that exact situation.  
  
„Yes, I’ll write it.“  
  
„Oh my gosh, Laura _-freaking-_ Hollis have you really just said yes to one of my offers!?“, the guy shouted out. Surprise evident on his face.  
  
„Oi, shut up, Ed, I am not _that_ bad.“  
  
„Yes, you are… So, info on your job: I need an exclusive interview with her and a short description of her way into Silas, you know... Some backstory... Your deadline is the 20th of January. It’ll come out in the February issue... One thing though: I didn’t think you’ll be here that early today, so you will have to get the evaluation papers yourself.“  
  
„Wait a second? I thought we weren’t allowed to look at those? I thought only the board had access to them?“, the blonde was confused. Again.  
  
„They do, which is why they are keeping the grading part. We are only getting the things that the students wrote about her in the comments section. You could cite some of them.“  
  
„Oh, there were that many that decided to write a personal comment?“, Laura was actually pretty impressed.  
  
„Yeah, she does have two groups for the English Lit seminar… That makes 18 people and then there are the lectures she gives with 400 students listening to her, I think there’s enough for you to work with, Hollis.“  
  
„Great, now tell me, where I can pick them up! I have another hour until class starts, so I might as well start on going through them right away.“  
  
„At the dean’s office.“  
  
„What…?“, Laura did not like this at all.  
  
„Yeah, her mother wanted to take a look at those I guess…“, the editor was looking at his computer screen and reading something apparently.  
  
„You knew they were related?“, the journalism student was shocked about that revelation.  
  
„Yeah, they’ve been in our last issue… There was an article on the winter charity dance at SU.“  
  
„Do you have a copy of that…?“  
  
„Sure… Just look over there. There should be a few on the big desk across the room. Feel free to take one with you.“, the man gestured to said thing.  
  
Laura approached the table and worked through a pile of old issues, until finding the most recent one. The blonde flipped through the pages until finding the article.  
  
_**‚Let’s give something back! - Silas’ Annual Winter Charity Dance’** _  
  
There was a large picture of Carmilla with her mother and then there were several other smaller pictures of the event. The ball room looked magnificent, the person who took the pictures clearly knew what they were doing. Laura took the copy of the SG and put it in her bag. She had to go to the dean’s office to get the work started.  
  
„ _This is going to be interesting._ “, Laura thought to herself, as she left the Journalism Department to get to the dean's office.  
  
Oh yes, that Hollis girl was right.  
  
  
  
  
Laura silently prepared herself for the hopefully short encounter. The last time she was in there with the dean and Carmilla, she didn’t really leave that much of an good impression. Thanks to her now-girlfriend (eh, no... whatever they were), the dean had agreed to let her rent out the room at her current dorm. She smiled at the memory of that. That had been the second time she had seen her professor (that fact wasn’t known to her then). It was odd to her, how much could change in only 2 months.  
  
Laura faintly knocked on the heavy wooden door, before entering.  
  
Renata was sitting at her desk and talking to a woman, whose back was turned to Laura.  
  
„Oh my god, I am sorry! I thought Ed had already told your secretary that I was on my way… I didn’t want to interrupt anything!“, Laura said apologetically.  
  
„Do not worry my dear, Edward has certainly told me. Do not mind her, this is just an old friend of mine… I am sure she will not mind a little break… We have been catching up, you see?“, the brunette got up and made her way to a cupboard behind her desk.  
  
Laura’s eye fell on the visitor, who slowly turned to look at her. She was beautiful and it seemed a little odd that Renata had referred to her as an old friend, because she wasn’t old at all. What an angelic creature. Blue eyes, blond hair, perfect body. She was wearing a skin tight white and black dress and her red lips curled up into a slight smirk.  
  
„Can I help you with anything?“, the woman asked, clearly catching the intruder staring at her. Smug grin on her face. Laura knew that attitude from somewhere…  
  
„Oh, no sorry! I uh, I was just…“, the woman laughed softly at her, Laura only smiled back, feeling embarrassed. That woman was pretty, not her type, but certainly good looking.  
  
„I think those are your requested pieces of evaluation material on Ms. Karnstein. I hope they turn out very useful for whatever it is, your department is planning on doing with them. I went through some of them already… I can’t believe that my daughter would be such a student’s darling.“, Renata remarked and handed over a large envelope to the journalism student.  
  
„So Carmilla really is doing well, huh?“, the unknown woman asked the dean. Laura was surprised that the woman seemed to know the professor, but that was probably a given. She looked like one of the sponsors of SU. Perfectly dressed and beautiful. She resembled Matska Belmonde in her appearance (Laura had seen a picture of her with the dean under the article she had been reading earlier). Renata didn’t answer that question though and Laura was still standing awkwardly in the room. The dean looked at the amateur journalist, who got the hint.  
  
„Yeah, right! Gotta hustle! Need to be going to class...!“, Laura exclaimed, still not leaving the room.  
  
„ _Ms. Karnstein_. _Would anyone believe that?_ “, the unknown woman whispered and smiled down at her own hands. Was it amazement or rather incredulousness? Laura didn't read that much into that though.  
  
„Thank you, Ms. Hollis for stopping by, you may leave now.“, Renata Karnstein said to the student.  
  
„Thanks for the- um have a nice day!“, one last awkward hand wave and out she was.  
  
…  
  
**Laura:** _Your mom is so, so intimidating. I think I am having an heart attack._  
**Laura:** _She probably hates me a little more now._  
**C.K.:** _What the hell are you talking about?_  
**C.K.:** _Why are you with her?_  
  
Laura hadn’t told her teacher about the article, she wanted to do it in person.  
  
**Laura:** _I went to her office today, because I needed to pick some things up._  
**C.K.:** _I’m sure you’re exaggerating._  
**Laura:** _^^_  
**C.K.:** _She doesn’t hate you, she’s like that to everyone._  
**Laura:** _Gee, thanks. You are not showing a bit of compassion for me. :(_  
**C.K.:** _I’ll show you compassion, if you come to my place with me after your class._  
**Laura:** _When are you out?_  
**C.K.:** _4… Is that a yes?_  
**Laura:** _I’ll be out before, but let’s meet on Berggasse, same spot as last time?_  
**C.K.:** _I’ll be there at 4:10._  
  
Laura was glad that she was going to see Carmilla. It felt almost like the incident on the previous week hadn’t happened. The blonde didn’t know why she had forgiven the teacher that fast or was even surprised that she hadn’t ended the thing between them right away. She didn’t think about that too intently though, because after the talk they had on the previous day and that morning, she felt safe and at place with Carmilla again. Everyone was allowed to have bad days, right? She was told not to let weird thoughts get ahold of her feelings. She had to focus on letting things in. At least Laura was trying hard to do so.  
  
  
  
Class seemed not to end at all. Laura was tempted to open up the envelope and reading through some of the evaluation notes (she did follow that through actually). Most of them only consisted of one sentence, but Laura was still surprised that people really took the time to write something at all. She always did that with most of those evaluation papers. She’d just scribble a quick _‚She/he is so great.‘_ and that was it.  
  
However Carmilla really was popular among the students that actually went to her lectures. Laura felt instantly bad, she had only been once to one of her lectures, because the things she talked about there weren’t relevant for her midterms and the attendance at lectures were not mandatory.  
  
Laura checked her clock one last time, it was already 3:39. Class would end in 6 more minutes, but she was sure that those few minutes wouldn’t require her presence, so she snuck out. Luckily she had been sitting in the last row in the lecture hall, so she wasn’t disturbing anyone, when she made her way out of that boring reading on print journalism.  
  
The blonde strolled lazily through the hallway whilst putting on her coat. After that had been done, she was about to walk out of the building. Her phone indicated her that she still had about 20 minutes before she had to be at the agreed spot to meet Carmilla. She decided to send her a quick text to make sure her teacher didn’t forget.  
  
**Laura:** _Ms. Karnstein, don’t forget our extra curricular activities for this afternoon. Be there in 15._  
  
The journalism student didn’t watch her step and her clumsy ass bumped into someone else, when going through the heavy doors. The white envelope with all of her evaluation notes on Carmilla fell down and as did the other person’s purse with all of it’s contents sprawled on the floor.  
  
„Oh my god! I am so sorry!!!“, Laura gathered some items that had fallen out of the woman’s purse and handed them to her. She recognized her to be the one from the dean’s office that morning.  
  
„My day isn’t going bad enough already…“, the blonde murmured.  
  
„I really am sorry…“, the journalism student tried again and her opponent looked at her.  
  
„ _You?_ “, she said disbelievingly.  
  
„Uh, yeah… Fancy meeting _you_ here… Were you looking for someone?“, Laura tried to distract that angry person with smalltalk.  
  
„No actually I was looking for a restroom.“  
  
„I can show you one, if you want.“, the journalism student offered.  
  
„Fine, you might as well. Lead the way.“, Grumpy McScrooge said after shoving everything into her purse.  
  
They both walked in silence and Laura couldn’t help but notice the elegance in the blonde’s step. Her beauty was indescribable, her shoulder-length hair was gently swaying with her step and she was radiating something indecipherable. She reminded her of an blonde and blue-eyed version of Carmilla. Her eyes were like crystals that could bore into one’s soul -that is, if anyone dared to look at her irises for too long. They were cold.  
  
Laura came to a halt in front of a door and opened it in a gentle(wo)man-manner for the other woman to step in. Ms. Anonymus’ face softened at the gesture. She nodded a silent thank you and looked at the student for a while, said nerd-girl didn’t move.  
  
„Thanks for showing me the way…“, the blonde tilted her head to the side and cocked her eyebrows as to signify that she was waiting for the amateur journalist to introduce herself.  
  
„Uh, yeah… Laura! I am Laura Hollis! Sorry again for knocking your purse down earlier…“, she said and held out her hand.  
  
„Hmn, at least you are cute.“, the blonde woman replied and her lips twitched a little. Was she smiling at her? Okay, she was most probably - _definitely_ flirting with Laura.  
  
The unknown woman took ahold of the reached out hand and shook it, introducing herself.  
  
„I am Ellena, _Ellena Kostapoulos_ , but most people call me Ell.“


	14. Sapiosexuality Is A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's and Ell's encounter is interesting.  
> Carm finds out things about Laura.  
> They have a talk about Ell.  
> And other things.

„I am Ellena, Ellena Kostapoulos, but most people call me Ell.“  
  
Laura internally thanked her dad for signing her up for acting classes when she’d been a young teenager, because knowing that piece of information sure did require some acting on Laura’s side.  
  
„Oh? Are you a teacher here?“, the student wanted to seem oblivious. Oblivious to the fact that this woman in front of her was the ex-girlfriend of her current… _Nevermind_. That very infamous one. Carmilla had been dating Taylor Swift’s twin before her, Laura thought to herself. She had never imagined Ell to be a blonde though, but given her own appearance, she could have figured out that Carmilla would prefer a lighter hair color than the deep brown Laura had imagined on Ell. What a greek goddess she was...  
  
„No, I am much too young for teaching at a university.“, Ell brushed the question off, she made her way to the mirror and fixed her hair. Of course that was the reason for her to go to the restroom, she had to see for herself if she was looking presentable. _Someone was full of herself much._ Laura was totally not checking her out before and no- she was not her type anyways, pfft.  
  
„We do have young professors here.“, the blonde student hoped her stare wasn’t indicating too much of the coldness she was feeling in her chest. _That was the woman that broke Carmilla's heart._ She was standing in front of her. Not knowing that Laura knew exactly who she was.  
  
„So I have heard, but just because everything’s been handed to you, doesn’t make you a good teacher.“ Was that an attack towards Carmilla?  
  
„I don’t know what or _who_ you are implying to, but I assure you that every teacher -no matter if young or old- is here because of their skills. And for example Ms. Karnstein -I am in one of her classes and _she’s one of those young teachers_ …I can assure you, she is _very professional_ and very good in her field.“, Laura stated. _Very professional with her tongue too, yes._ But Ell probably knew that. Better than her even, because... **Ew,** that was something Laura did not want to picture, but that was too late now.

The journalism student hoped that it wasn’t too obvious that it was in her interest to let Ell know that she knew Carmilla.  
   
„Right, I forgot, you mentioned her earlier... And you are in her class too... God, she _really is a student’s darling_ , huh? Tell me, does she flirt a lot in class? Or did you develop that crush of yours on your own?“ Peng! That woman also knew how to counter the attacks.  
  
„ **Crush**??!“, Laura shrieked and her eyes went wide, „No _I certainly do not have a crush on her_!“  
  
„Right, but why are you in my face then and trying to defend her honor or whatever?“ The Taylor Swift doppelgänger had a point there.  
  
„Because… It’s not only about her, it is about you talking in a disrespectful way about people that have worked really hard and you probably are jus-“  
  
„Are you really arguing with me about this right now?“  
  
It was hard to keep track of the things she was allowed to say and not. Laura inhaled deeply to regain some composure.  
  
„Listen, I didn’t want to argue, I just was saying that SU has one of the best degree programs in this country and everyone who is enrolled here is happy to have that many competent professors to learn from and it doesn’t even have to be about the age. Ms. Karnstein is just as good as anyone, who’s been teaching here for decades.“  
  
„Hmn… All that talk about your _beloved Ms. Karnstein_...“, Ell seemed to pick out her words, but went with the direct train, „ _Are you sleeping with her?_ “  
  
„ **WHAT?!** “ _Shock_. _**Shock**_. _**Shock**_. „What gave you _that_ impression?!“  
  
„I don’t know… I still don’t understand why you are talking to me about her, so I just figured… You are sleeping with her… For the grades or whatever… And I’m sure, _she tells you you’re special_... I could imagine her to do such things. Luring people into- Ah, nevermind _cutie_.“ Was she really playing the _innocent card_ now? Even though she had no idea, who was standing in front of her?  
  
„ **NO!** “, Laura exclaimed and it was actually the truth (the sleeping together part), no acting needed for that one, „I just… God, _people like you infuriate me_.“  
  
„Oh don’t get mad here, _cutie_.“, back to semi-flirting again.  
  
That was it. Laura now knew, where Carmilla got _that_ from. _Cutie in your face, bitch._  
  
„Don’t call me _cutie_.“, Laura said with gritted teeth. She couldn’t believe that she thought the woman opposing her was good looking some minutes ago, because now she was everything else than. Her piercing cold, blue eyes were looking down at her. It made her sick to lock eyes with these lifeless orbits.  
  
„Oh relax, I am just fucking with you. I know that _you wouldn’t be Carm’s type_.“, Ell said, after she had looked the petite blonde up and down, „Sorry to pop your little bubble.“  
  
_Carm._ Only Laura called her that (at least she had thought so up to that moment). She had to let that one go, she wanted to make through this without jumping the uglier version of Taylor Swift over there.  
  
However that insult wasn’t the nicest thing either. What was that supposed to mean? Laura was not Carmilla’s type? But blonde amazon was? What was she thinking?  
  
„Are we done here? Because I’d enjoy some privacy now…“, Ell uttered, while reapplying her lipstick.  
  
„Oh, I’ll leave _gladly_!“, the journalism student said and she swore to herself that she saw the other person look at her with amusement, when she left the restroom.  
  
Laura ran out of the building for the second time that day and immediately her journalist brain started to function again apparently, because as of that moment she hadn’t wondered a single time why Ell was at SU. Ell was at the dean’s office, but as far as she was concerned, Carmilla hadn’t mentioned a visit by Taylor Swift. So Ell must have been there for the dean…  
  
Carmilla could be lying though. However Laura didn’t believe that, because she remembered exactly how much it messed her up, when she had found out that Ell was in town, so that was scratched from the list.

Next problem: _She had to tell Carmilla…_  
  
Oh shit, **_Carmilla_** , she’d totally forgotten about their meeting. She checked the clock on her phone that said 4:13. She paced to the spot they always met at.  
  
…  
  
„There you are! I started to think that you have bailed on me… But then I saw your text and decided to wait… I mean _extracurricular activities_ , really Lau-“, Carmilla saw Laura’s blank expression, „…Laura?“  
  
„Huh? Yeah, hi.“, the blonde seemed to listen now.  
  
„Hey... What’s wrong?“, concern was dominating the professor, she checked her surroundings and got a little closer to the student and was about to touch her, but the student stopped her from it. Laura looked around and shook her head.  
  
„ _Not here_.“, was all she could utter before getting into the car.  
  
Carmilla stood there for some seconds, checking the way the blonde had walked to her vehicle. Had someone been following her? No. There weren’t even any other people on the street. The place they would always meet at was a very dead one. The brunette sighed in defeat, Laura would have to tell her herself, what her behavior had caused.  
  
„Where do you want me to take you? My apartment... Or...?“, Carmilla asked once she had settled into her car and fastened her seatbelt.  
  
„Just anywhere, but here… Are you hungry?“  
  
„Uh, I haven’t had lunch, so I mean… If you want, we could go eat somewhere?“, the professor really didn’t like the situation. Something big must be up.  
  
„Do you know that fancy burger place in town? LoFi?… I’ll buy.“  
  
„Yeah, I know that place… But isn’t that a little overpriced for a student like you?“  
  
„That’s the point Carmilla, we don’t want to be seen by students… Or teachers… I wouldn’t actually worry running into anyone from the faculty there.“  
  
That didn’t answer the teacher’s question, but she went with it.  
  
  
  
The system of the restaurant was comparable to the one of a McDonald’s, but was far more exquisite considering the food and the interior design. Laura knew exactly what she wanted to get. Whereas Carmilla stood for about 10 minutes at the booth deciding on what to pick. After some time, she settled on something that had truffles in it. _A burger with truffles!_  
  
„Das macht dann 91,90€, bitte.“, the cashier said, the blonde only concentrated on the indicated numbers.  
  
„Laura, I can take care of-“, but Laura wouldn’t have that discussion.  
  
„Carmilla, you _always pay_ , I hate that. And I hate splitting bills, so either you let me pay or you can drive me back to my dorm.“  
  
Feisty, strict Laura. Carmilla better shut up.  
  
When the brunette didn’t answer, Laura pulled out a 100€ bill from her wallet and tossed it onto the counter, shaking her head, when the cashier wanted to give her the change. _Interesting_... Carmilla could’ve sworn the blonde had several other 100€ bills in there. What the hell, shouldn’t Laura be struggling with money, like a normal student? Carmilla certainly knew very little of the blonde. That wasn’t her business to be honest, but gave her a question more to ask before she had to pop the _‚What’s gotten into you today?‘_.  
  
They were given buzzers to indicate them, when the food was ready for them to pick up and were told to pick their seats. Laura went to the second floor and plopped down on one table, as if she had done it all of her life.  
  
„Have you been here often?“, Carmilla wanted to know after taking a seat across from her student.  
  
„Yeah, my dad and I always eat here when he comes to visit.“  
  
„Okay, that explains a lot.“, Carmilla looked at Laura, trying to read her, but was unsuccessful, „Is that often?“  
  
„Is what often?“  
  
„Does he come see you often?“  
  
„Well, he did visit me 4 times last school year, he has been in Austria for some business and decided to check up on his girl. He wasn’t here this year yet, which is a little strange, but I guess he is a little busy with his work at the moment. I almost never reach him on his phone anymore...“, the student trailed off.

  
„You don’t have a job right?“, Carmilla felt like she was becoming like Laura, whenever she’d come up with her questions out of nowhere.  
  
„Huh?“, Laura didn’t know why her teacher wanted to know that.  
  
„Well, I am asking you if you are employed, but I don’t think so, because aside from classes you seem to always have time for me…“  
  
„Yeah, no, you are right, I do not work.“, Laura nodded.  
  
„I figured… So tell me, how does one survive in this big wide world without a job?“ Was that subtle enough?  
  
Laura’s gaze fell on her own hands, which were on the table tracing the pattern of the wood.  
  
„It’s called trust fund.“, the student slowly started, „My dad wouldn’t let me have a job. He said that I should focus on my studies… Him and mom had my trust fund set, when I was a baby… And with 18 I got the access to it… I mean it’s great and all… But sometimes I feel like an ass, because there are a lot of people that struggle with their college tuition or have to take up on horrendous student loans…“, Laura looked up to meet Carmilla’s eyes.  
  
She remembered that the professor was one of those people that had to deal with student loans, although it didn’t seem like that. Carmilla actually led a life that left an impression of her to be quite wealthy. She probably earned enough to pay her loans and interests, Laura thought. She wondered how much a job as a teacher at SU paid. Silas had a very good reputation and people all over Europe (or other continents) attended that school, even though it's situated in an ice-blasted wasteland. The wage for a professor couldn’t be tiny. She probably did have no trouble at all paying back the loan, but still she had to deal with that kind of stuff.

In comparison to that, Laura really was handed everything, although she never was one to brag about it or tell anyone in general. No one of her friends knew that her family was actually semi-wealthy and that the name _Hollis_ had a meaning back in the district she grew up in. She never felt like that anyways. Her parents (mostly her dad in the past years) have brought her up to be humble and down to earth. It had been important to her mother.  
  
„Hmn yeah, I wish my trust fund would have been handed to me at the age of 18. Would have saved me a lot of trouble.“, Carmilla nodded.  
  
„But didn’t you inherit money when _your_ -“, Laura put her hand on her mouth to stop herself from talking further. She was stepping into landmines again.  
  
„My dad’s will says that I’ll get full access to my money when I am 25.“, Carmilla answered the question that the blonde didn’t finish.  
  
„Oh…“, it took the amateur journalist a moment, „…But you are turning 25 soon right?“  
  
„In a couple of months, yeah.“  
  
„Can I ask you when exactly?“  
  
„On the 23rd of May.“  
  
„Noted.“, Laura said with a smile and really did type it in her cell phone.  
  
The buzzer went off and Carmilla was grateful about that. They were slowly running out of things to talk about to avoid the main topic: Laura’s strange behavior from before.  
  
  
  
„You like it?“, Laura asked and took the last bite of her food.  
  
„Yeah, it’s pretty good. Although for that price I’d like more service to be honest.“  
  
„Well, that’s the new system they have in the gastronomy. People find it more convenient than to wait for a waiter to come by and asking for a check, when they want to pay. This way you can leave at any time you want and the restaurant itself doesn’t have to worry about people that run off without paying -not that that happens often- but still you know? And the taxes are easier to track down also, I don’t get what exactly that has to do with food, but Austria’s got that new law on taxe- oh god sorry, you probably know that already.“  
  
„Wow, didn’t know, you were that interested in business?“, the brunette was genuinely surprised.  
  
„Oh no I am not particularly, but my dad and I talked a lot in summer and he likes talking business. He’s a big fish in the finance section… So he also might hear one or two things from his clients…“  
  
„Do you have a good relationship with your father?“, Carmilla actually could tell by the way Laura talked about him, but she liked the way her face lit up when doing so. Laura was smiling -a contrast to the Laura that had approached the professor’s car earlier.  
  
„Yeah, my dad is super cool - _very overprotective_ \- but very cool… He is loving and really cares for me, I mean since my mom… Passed away, he’s been trying to be a mother and a father for me… Poor him, I think he never got over the death of my mom. We never talk about her anymore…“  
  
„That must be hard on you…?“, Carmilla didn’t want to overstep, but she was interested in the student.  
  
„Yeah, I guess. We visit her grave on Christmas every year, she actually is buried in London in our family mausoleum, so that’s always emotional… That’s the only time I see him cry over her or get in touch emotionally with that whole situation.“  
  
„I figure…“  
  
„Sorry, I didn’t want to ruin our lunch or dinner-whatever with death talk.“, Laura apologized.  
  
„Don’t be, I was the one that asked.“, Carmilla’s index finger was playing with the rim of her glass, now was a good time, „Will you tell me now what was going on with you before?“  
  
The blonde student smiled slightly and closed her eyes. She sighed and then shook her head.  
  
„Can we go to your place before?“, Laura pleaded.  
  
„Laura…“  
  
„Please. I don’t want to tell you this here.“  
  
„Okay… But promise, you’ll tell me?“  
  
„Yeah, I promise I won’t pull a _Carmilla Karnstein_ on you.“, the journalism student chuckled, but stopped when she saw the brunette’s serious expression, „Sorry, it was a silly joke.“  
  
„No, don’t worry about it, a girl’s gotta be able to laugh about herself, huh?“, the professor got up and held out her hand for the blonde to grab. Both made their way out of the restaurant and climbed into the car. The drive to Carmilla’s place was pretty short.  
  
  
  
Laura walked through the door and hung up her coat and got rid of her shoes. After Carmilla had done the same, the blonde laced her fingers with the brunette's. That was the first time they really touched intimately since that morning (that hand grab in the restaurant didn’t count).  
  
The student closed her eyes and sighed heavily.  
  
„Can we sit down or something?“, Laura asked and Carmilla nodded, leading her onto her couch.  
  
„Do you want water or sna-“  
  
„I met Ell today.“, _rip-the-bandaid-method_. Short and painless… Or you know… **Not.**  
  
Carmilla’s face turned pale, paler than normal. She retreated the hand that was in Laura’s out of shock. She wanted to say something, but every time she started, the words didn’t seem to come out properly.  
  
„And before you ask, yes _I do have confirmation._ She told me herself… And also don’t worry about me, because I played it off well… She doesn’t suspect me to know you _in that way_ or something… I think.“  
  
„Wait what? How…? When…?“, Carmilla’s eyes grew wide, because the most important fact was the _where_. She was sure that Laura had been at SU the whole time, „ _Where did you meet her?_ “  
  
„I met her twice actually… Today morning in your mother’s office and-“  
  
„Wait what? And you didn’t tell me when we texted…?“, the brunette was utterly confused now.  
  
_Mother’s office. Ell. **WHAT?!**_  
  
„I didn’t know it was her then. I walked in on them talking… And then I left after getting what I wanted… I didn’t read much into her…“, Laura tentatively put her right hand on the professor’s thigh, but then decided to place it elsewhere, „Then I ran into her a second time, when I rushed out of my lecture hall…“  
  
Carmilla had a spot fixated on her floor, her eyes were wide and her eyebrows were risen. She was trying to connect her mother, HER MOTHER to ELL, who Renata Karnstein herself had ‚ _gotten rid_ ‘ of personally. Why the hell would they be meeting? Why the hell would they be in contact?  
  
„It actually is a long story… Just… Ugh… I… You never told me that she looked like freaking _Taylor Swift_!“ Laura was such a good company to have. Always good with her words. Because _that fact_ was super important now, Hollis...  
  
„Excuse me, _what?_ “, the dark haired woman met the student’s gaze. Still comprehending the other things she’d been told not so long ago.  
  
„Nevermind, I just… I was shocked, when she introduced herself to me- because I was just casually helping a woman in need you know? Showing her the restroom and stuff and then she actually kind of flirted with me or you know did not, I-“, Carmilla’s expression changed into disgust (yeah, don’t talk about the flirting further), „Whatever, not my point- and then she told me her name and of course I recognized it. I mean how many Ellenas with a _very-hard-to-pronounce surname_ are there out there? So, I decided to keep up an act, because it’s about your job and- but then she insulted you, saying you were handed everything-“  
  
„Of course she would say _that_.“, Carmilla scoffed and shook her head.  
  
„Yeah, well I tried to defend you…“, the brunette suddenly felt alarmed.  
  
„ _Oh no_ … _What_ did you say…?“  
  
„That you are a great professor and that you have worked hard to get where you are and that you are way ahead of the other teachers…“ The professor leaned forwards, putting her elbows on her own thighs and her head into her hands. She groaned.  
  
„Please tell me, you didn’t say it like _that_ …“  
  
„What’s wrong with the way I said it?“, Laura wanted to know and moved her hand to Carmilla’s back, plainly laying there.  
  
„She is not clueless you know? She’s good with this stuff… _Reading people, manipulating them_ …“, Carmilla dared to lock her eyes with her student again.  
  
„Don’t worry, she doesn’t think you like me back.“  
  
„Like you _back_?“  
  
„Well yeah, as you said it… I might have sounded a little _crushes-on-professor-like_ , but she told me in a very nice way that she didn’t think you’d like me anyways.“, the blonde huffed and her jaws locked.  
  
Carmilla frowned, Laura didn’t seem to be doing okay with that part of the conversation. „ _What did she say exactly?_ “  
  
„Well at first she accused us of having an affair… You know for the sex and the good grades… That kind of stuff…“, the brunette gulped audibly, „…but then she was like oh no cutie, I am joking, Carm _wouldn’t be sleeping with you anyways_. You are not her type.“  
  
Carmilla was amused for the first time since the new revelation, because Laura was entirely too cute, when she mimicked Ell.  
  
„ _That’s_ what she said?“, back to being concerned again.  
  
„Yeah…“, Laura sighed and leaned back onto the couch, closing her eyes.  
  
„I mean, she is right in a way…“, the dark haired beauty started, Laura opened one eye at her and waited for her to go on, „I never fall for smart girls... With _witty humor... T_ he _ability to talk on for 4 hours straight_ or…“, Carmilla ducked her head and shook it slightly, smilingly continuing, „…Or generally _people that are so good in the inside_.“  
  
„So _physically I am not your type_ , huh?“, the blonde started. Carmilla’s gaze fell onto the student. Of course that’s what she fixated on.  
Laura - _freaking insecurity itself_ \- Hollis.  
  
„ _What?_ “ Had the student not been listening to her?  
  
„I mean Ell said it based on my looks, she has to know, what she’s talking about right? She’s known you the longest and the best. She was your girlfriend once. And your best friend for _a very long time._ “  
  
„Laura… What do you want me to say? Do you want to hear that I find you attractive? _That you are my type?_ Because _I do_ and yes, _you are_. I do think that you are incredibly sexy and beautiful and every time I see you, you take my breath away… But… No-“, Carmilla shook her head, „Your physical appearance is not the only reason for me liking you and I find it infinitely tragic that you want me to objectify you that way.“

Laura seemed to ease up a bit. A blush started to show, oh yeah that was the right thing to say, Karnstein.  
  
„No... I don’t want you to do that… It’s just… She’s been in my head since you told me about her and… I don’t know, seeing her and how beautiful she is, has me worried-“  
  
„Hey there, Laura, a lot of things have changed since high school, yeah?“  
  
„You mean, she _wasn’t_ as good looking, when you were together?“  
  
„What? No, I mean _I_ have changed since then. I would be lying if I were to say that I wouldn’t find her physically attractive - _if she still looks the way I remember her_ \- but I am not drawn into her mind anymore… I am not even sure if I ever was… I can’t even remember the reason of me being together with her anymore… My 16 year old self must have been really oblivious. And now… I don’t even know what all of that means, I mean her meeting _my mother_ …“  
  
Carmilla took a second to grasp the situation, before getting into her own trail of thoughts, she couldn’t believe that Laura was feeling insecure because of Ell. It was in a way very cute, but totally out of place. Ell wasn’t a shred of the person Laura was. The kind and good part of her.  
  
She remembered her being bossy and demanding in their relationship. She’d been trying to control Carmilla’s every move, when they were not together and even caused her to break contact with most of her other friends, so that in the end she’d end up alone.  
  
„Oh god I am so sorry… _I should be the one to console you_ , and here I am blabbering about myself… And my insecurities…“, Laura said while shaking her head.  
  
„Don’t be sorry, it’s actually a welcomed distraction… I don’t know how to process all of it anyways…“, the brunette admitted and Laura hummed.  
  
  
  
„What I don’t understand is why she was in your mother’s office in the first place…“, the blonde began, Carmilla leaned back now too, both were staring at the ceiling. The professor was surprisingly doing better than Laura had thought.  
  
„Yeah… I definitely need to talk to my mother about it… But I just don’t know how… Because she doesn’t know that _you and I_ … And if I were to confront her about it, she’d know that I got the information from you or at least get suspicious…“  
  
„Maybe…“, Laura started, „…You could talk to Ell? I mean, you got an invitation to her wedding after all…“ Laura didn’t like the thought of it (not at all), but it seemed like the most logic idea.  
  
„The wedding’s in January… That’s one month from now…“  
  
„Yeah, but I didn’t mean that you should wait for the wedding… I mean you could call her perhaps? RSVP? Make it about the wedding and ask her why she is in Austria… I don’t know, figure something out! _You are the genius **in this relationship** here!_ “  
  
Laura hadn’t noticed what she’d said. That was the reason she didn’t take it back, like they usually would, when one of them said things like that. Carmilla on the other hand did, she turned to face the woman beside her fully and searched her eyes for… Regret? Was she regretting that she said that out loud?  
  
„Is this…? I mean… _Does that mean…?_ “, the brunette asked tentatively and the other girl immediately got what she was talking about.  
  
„I uh…“, the student didn’t want to say that she didn’t mean it that way. She said it out loud and this time it didn’t feel like it was wrong to say something like that, it came naturally. Granted, they weren’t in the best place to become official, but hell- good timing was something their (not)relationship had already been lacking since the beginning. Why not now?  
  
„Carm, I…“, Laura closed her eyes to think about what to say, because the dark ones that were staring at her were distracting, „… I must admit, I have been thinking about that intently… And I don’t even know why this topic hasn’t crept up earlier… I mean, yeah it has, but we both were just masters at circumventing it…“  
  
„Because I didn’t think you’d be ready for that or I don’t know… I wasn’t either… I needed some days to befriend the idea of being together with one of my students.“  
  
„ _And?_ “  
  
„And nothing… I was just anxious about the fact that if I say it out loud, say that this is a serious relationship, I don’t know…“, Carmilla kneeled down on the floor in front of Laura, forcing her to look at her, knowing this would be an important talk for both of them, „I wanted to be with you though, _I do want to be with you_.“  
  
„So you don’t have any doubts about us anymore?“  
  
„Do you? I mean, sure it is scary as hell, but I don’t think _addressing to it as a relationship_ …“, Carmilla drew in a sharp breath, „… _Calling you my girlfriend_ , even if it is only between us two… That doesn’t change much, does it? We are already acting like we are in a relationship. I haven’t once thought about touching anyone else, or even toyed with the idea.“  
  
„Except for the fact that it is official then - _well for us_ -, no, it really doesn’t change anything…“, the student’s eyes were held captive. No chance to run now.  
  
„Yeah…? How do you... How do you feel about seeing others?“, the brunette took Laura’s hands in hers, squeezing them for an answer.  
  
„I don’t... I mean I haven’t either. There’s just been you…“, the blonde bit her lip before trailing off, „I guess…“  
  
„You guess…?“, Carmilla wanted an definite answer, but how could the journalism student give her one, if she didn’t form a coherent question? „What do you want? Do you want this?“  
  
„I want to be together too... With you, I mean.“  
  
The professor cast her another look, asking if she was sure.  
  
„I mean, you said it, _nothing’s changing right?_ “, Laura asked.  
  
„Nothing is changing.“, Carmilla smiled and placed a kiss on the blonde’s right hand.  
  
Laura bit her lip, also smiling, „So I am now really dating my professor. Carmilla Karnstein is my girlfriend?“  
  
„Mhm. Just don’t say the first sentence too often, with the second one I do not have any problem at all.“, the teacher nodded and smiled in amusement.  
  
Laura leaned down and engaged her (now) girlfriend in a lingering kiss.  
  
„I have a girlfriend with a PhD!“, the blonde squealed before kissing the other woman again. Carmilla smirked into that kiss.

 _Sapiosexuality was definitely a thing._  
  
…  
  
When the blonde came back to her dorm room from her hang out (or let’s call that make out) with her lover, she remembered that she hadn’t told the dark haired lady about the article that she was going to write about her. That could wait though, because the deadline was more than a month away. She thought about writing most of it in her winter break, when in London and the interview could be done anytime after, she was sure Carmilla would gladly squeeze it in sometime between their endless kisses. _Or probably not._ Laura mentally told herself she would have to make an appointment with Carmilla in her office, not anywhere near a bed or a couch.  
  
_Winter break in London._  
  
Laura hadn’t really thought of asking Carmilla what she was doing on Christmas. She immediately felt a little sad that she most probably wouldn’t be spending it with her girlfriend, she knew she had to go home and be with her father and as for Carmilla… She knew that she didn’t really have a peachy relationship with her mother, especially now that there was something apparently going on with Ell…  
  
However she couldn’t ask her to come with her. Aside from the fact that they weren’t together for that long -surprisingly that didn’t bother Laura that much- there was still the fact that Carmilla Karnstein was her teacher and as much as she had perfected her acting skills throughout the years, she wasn’t sure, if she wanted to lie to her dad about her girlfriend. It didn’t feel alright and he would most certainly not approve.  
  
He would ask too many questions. He is very protective after all and Laura also could imagine him to find a P.I. and finding out on Carmilla -yeah that’s how paranoid that man was.  
  
The blonde groaned and let herself fall onto her bed. There was also the Ell-issue. Maybe it would be good for Carmilla to be alone to figure that all out. Laura may distract her too much, her insecurities may come in the way for the professor to process all of it properly. Laura did make it about herself earlier -even though Carmilla hadn’t minded that.  
  
Somehow she had a feeling that December, 2015 wasn’t going to be festive and cheery at all.  
  
_She didn’t know then, how right she was going to be._


	15. Secrets, Lies and Rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's kind of daring...?  
> New things are being revealed about/on Carm...  
> Carm's monthly meeting with mommy dearest goes... well?  
> Laura needs to get laid, like seriously that's not even fun anymore to write.  
> (Just kidding, writing thirsty Laura and describing Carmilla as the perfect gf is too easy...)

„I am really grateful that you all have handed in the evaluation papers in time and even managed to say so many kind things about me! It really means a lot to me! Word has spread all over the faculty member’s office and they are showering me with compliments now, all thanks to you!“, Carmilla smiled at her students in room 307.  
  
„Rumor has it that the Silas Gazette is writing an exclusive on you.“, a student remarked. That got Laura’s attention. She still hadn’t told her teacher about her offer and that she had taken it.  
  
„Oh I am sure, _I would have known_ by now if they were planning on doing an exclusive on me. Doesn’t that mean they have to interview me or something?“, the brunette professor brushed it off and gathered her belongings, „… I think you deserve to go off into your Friday afternoon, we are done with class for today.“  
  
One of Carmilla’s exceptional students (no, it was not Laura) approached her desk and smiled shyly at her, after most of the people had left the room.  
  
„Did you need something, Mr. Danson?“, the teacher asked without meeting his gaze.  
  
Laura observed the interaction with watchful eyes. Only she was allowed to stay in the room after class.  
  
„I uh… I just wanted to tell you in person how much of a great impact your seminars have been for me and… Uh I… You totally deserve to be showered with compliments and- uh…“, he stuttered, while signing the attendance list.  
  
„Thanks, that means a lot to me, especially if it’s from one of my students. You guys do get to see me in action and therefore I really appreciate it that you came to me, to tell me in person.“, Carmilla looked up at him and gave him a little smile.  
  
„Yeah, you are my favorite teacher and really… Not like the others… Because you know… You are young and dynamic, up to date with all the stuff and really get us, because we don’t have that much of an age difference and… At first _I thought you were only pretty_ , but…“, that poor guy blushed and shoved his hands awkwardly into his pockets. When his teacher didn’t respond, but looked at him expectedly (expecting him to back off it was), he got the hint, „Right, gotta get to my Psychology class.“, he gathered his stuff and left the room.  
  
There was only one person left with Carmilla. Like always for the past month.  
  
Laura cleared her throat.  
  
„Wow, I am not the only one who has a crush on their professor, I see.“, the blonde uttered.  
  
„What? On which professor do you have a crush on? Should I be concerned now?“, Carmilla held her hand to her chest and feigned a shocked expression on her face. Laura only rolled her eyes for that one.  
  
„So you have become popular huh?“, the student started.  
  
„Your point being?“, a risen eyebrow.  
  
„I mean all the attention on you -the new favorite professor among the students, a _shining star gliding through Silas University_ …“, Laura packed up her stuff, put her bag on her desk and made her way to Carmilla’s desk to sign the attendance list.  
  
„Why? Is it bothering you?“, the professor smirked. Laura raised her eyebrows at her girlfriend now.  
  
„It is not…“, the blonde leaned her elbows on Carmilla’s desk and her face was very close to that of the dark haired beauty, „I have no intention to be bothered actually… Because unlike those crushing teenagers and beefcakes, I can do this…“  
  
Laura shot a glance to the door and after confirmation that it was indeed closed, she fully leaned in and kissed her professor. _Oh my god, where did that come from?_ She hadn’t dared to even think about this since they had been dating, but Laura just felt like it. (Now that they were really dating, as in officially dating -as in girlfriend-ish dating, it had to be done.) _In the freaking University_. After breaking the kiss, Laura made sure to put some distance between them, she stood straight and looked down at her teacher.  
  
„… _and other things_.“, she completed the sentence. Laura totally went for a sexual vibe, but the professor didn’t even allow herself to think in that way. In her opinion her student only wanted to properly make out. Still she needed to ask though.  
  
„Other things…?“, Carmilla’s voice got husky, „ _Things like what exactly, Ms. Hollis…_?“  
  
„Like…“, Laura threw back her head and pretended to be thinking, „… I don’t know… Maybe I’ll show you after class… Tonight?“ _Smooth, Hollis_. She needed Carmilla to know that she was ready. Oh yes, _she was completely ready_.  
  
Carmilla chuckled and shook her head. She probably only means _making out_ , is what she thought.  
  
„As alluring that might sound… I can’t today. I have plans, sorry sweetheart.“, the brunette said apologetically.  
  
Laura pouted, „What could possibly be more important than me? Might I add on a Friday night?“  
  
„I am actually meeting my mother tonight for dinner.“  
  
„Wait… You are? Is it because of…?“ **Ell**. Her name somehow made the blonde queazy, so she avoided saying it whenever she could.  
  
„No, my mother and I have an agreement on meeting once a month to catch up on things and talk… Maybe I can get something out of her… But I doubt that highly. She seems to have hidden quite a lot when it comes to that…“  
  
„Hey…“, Laura put a hand on Carmilla’s arm, but retreated it shortly after, realizing that anyone could walk in on them ( _Yeah, right and kissing was like totally cool and stuff, Laura…_ ), „Just don’t try to get so worked up okay? It probably is nothing and we are thinking god knows what… Maybe your mother and her are just really good friends or… Uh…“  
  
The professor’s face said something like ‚ _Really?_ ‘.  
  
„Okay, fair enough… But still don’t jump to conclusions, we’ll figure that out.“, Laura said and nodded her head assuringly.  
  
„We?“, Carmilla smiled and took the right hand of her girlfriend in hers and kissed it gently. (Of course letting it go shortly after that.)  
  
„Yeah, I mean I’m the journalist here. You won’t be able to do that without me. You’d be surprised at how many hours I’ve spent behind trees and in toilet stalls, spying on drunk frat boys and party girls.“ _Too many hours, ~~definitely too many.~~_  
  
The older woman was looking somewhat disturbed. „You did what now?“  
  
„Reporter stuff. Last year… Nevermind.“, little nerd-girl blushed, „What I am saying is, that you can’t be confronting any of them without proof of whatever it is they are doing. We need to figure out how they are linked… Maybe we should break into your mother’s office or-“  
  
„Hey there, Lauronica Mars, slow down. I don’t think you would want to get caught doing that. We will figure something out that does not involve these…“, the brunette was looking for the right word, „ _Rogue methods_ …“  
  
„I’m just trying to come up with ideas and trying to help.“, the journalism student stated and sighed in defeat, „Whatever... Call me later?“, she paced back to her desk and picked up her rucksack.  
  
„Yeah, I will… And hey Laura?“, the blonde girl hummed and meant for her professor to go on, „Wanna come by my place tomorrow afternoon?“  
  
„Uh…“ Laura bit her lip, „Can I spend the night?“ That seemed a little bold now. Carmilla was a little taken aback by the offer her student had made, but she was not going to decline. She loved sleeping together in a bed, as in really sleeping with no touching. Well, actually there was touching, but nothing sexual involved. Cuddling with Laura was strangely her thing now. She loved waking up to her girlfriend, even though she had not really done it that often. Maybe that was the reason why.  
  
_Girlfriend_. That one was still surreal to Carmilla.  
  
„I mean, yeah I would like that…“, the professor nodded and then added something, to make it absolutely clear, „Very much.“  
  
„Cool! You know… I’ll see you then…“, Laura was entirely too excited. Oh hell yes, she was so gonna ~~_do it with..._~~ Again: She was planning on having a nice evening/night with her girlfriend.  
  
Well, that was still new to Laura. _Girlfriend._  
  
Both made their way to the door, but neither of them opened it.  
  
„Okay, I’ll call you later yeah?“, Carmilla whispered and gave the student a quick peck on the lips, before she finally was about to leave the class room.  
  
Laura stood there for a while thinking about the next day - _spending the night at the teacher’s_. A weird knot started to form in her stomach. She was feeling nervous about the following day, nervous but at the same time anticipating the company of Carmilla. _She would so make it worth her while._  
  
Laura knew that nothing was actually going to hold her back this time (if it even comes to _that_ ). That was her next problem. How to make Carmilla clear that she suddenly wanted to?  
  
…  
  
Carmilla had decided on dinner in her childhood home. Renata was very surprised that she had offered it, but also pleased, because her daughter normally didn’t like to visit her there. The chef was assigned to make his best meat loaf and all of the staff was informed that Mrs. Karnstein’s only daughter was coming to visit. _That was a big deal._  
  
The brunette was in her car and staring at the mansion from inside her vehicle. She wasn’t sure anymore why she offered to visit her mother in there. She hated it there. She hadn’t dared to step foot in there ever since her dad had died. This house was full of memories of him, _with him._ That front yard held some of the most important ones.  
  
_He’d taught her how to ride a bicycle at the age of 5 in that front yard._  
_He’d seen her there with her first and only boyfriend and he’d also seen her kiss Ell there._  
_He’d taught her how to drive there, when she came to visit in her summer break, when she turned 17._  
  
Carmilla closed her eyes and tried to shake away those memories. Something else distracted her anyways: Her phone buzzed. She rummaged through her purse to find it.  
  
**Laura:** _Hope, you have a good time tonight, I’m thinking of you **:***_  
**C.K. :** _I’d rather be with you right now._  
**Laura:** _Just think about tomorrow._  
**Laura:** _I am looking forward to that :)_  
**C.K.:** _I will… Me too_  
**C.K.:** _I think I’m gonna step into the lion’s den now. Miss you **:*** ♥_  
  
The professor finally dared to walk out of her car and into the cool air. It wasn’t only cold, because it was a winter day, but because the warmth of her father greeting her and enveloping her in a hug was missing. Instead the endless coolness of her mother had taken over the place that once used to be her most favorite place on earth.  
  
„Carmilla, Schatz, ich bin so froh, dass du da bist.“, Renata said, when opening the door for her daughter (Yes, she insisted on doing it herself).  
  
( _Translation: Carmilla, darling, I’m so glad that you’re here_.)  
  
„I’d rather, you speak in English mother. Remember how you always urged me to talk in English, when at home?“, Carmilla got out of her coat and handed it to the maid. She only talked in German with her father. Her mother did not deserve to get her to that place. Not in that house.  
  
„And? It was only for your own good, honey. No one would ever be able to tell that you are originally from Austria. That’s solely because you got to practice so early.“  
  
„I don’t think that that’s the main reason for it mother. As you may remember, you deported me to the States after my graduation. I think spending a third of your life in a country, where almost no one speaks your mother tongue makes you lose your accent after a while.“, the younger Karnstein snapped back.  
  
„Whatever your father and I did for you, it was for your best as yo-“  
  
„My father? Don’t you dare talk about him in this house in front of me. My father had done nothing but support me. He was the one that gave me the money back then, when I tried to escape! Did you know that?“  
  
„Yes I do know, and I recall also him being the one, who found you in that motel just outside of town and bringing you home.“  
  
„Because I called him to get me! I was so sick of you! I came to senses and realized that you deporting me off to another country, hell, _another continent_ is the best gift I could ever receive from you!!!“  
  
Okay, _that_ was harsh...  
  
Renata was shocked to hear that. She was speechless. For the first time she was left speechless.  
  
Carmilla hadn’t come to argue, but the anger was lingering inside her for a long time. It wasn’t only the unresolved Ell-issue, but all the memories and bitterness that came with visiting this house. Her father designed this mansion. He had been spending hours into the plans, he built his family the model home. She couldn’t bare being there without feeling sick.  
  
„Dinner will be served shortly, I suggest you join me once you have regained your composure and calmed down.“, with that the older woman left her daughter by the entrance.  
  
_This was going to be harder than Carmilla had thought primarily..._  
  
  
  
Dinner had been going okay so far. They had been talking about the charity dance and how much of a win for publicity it had been for the dean of SU.  
  
„Did _anything else_ happen in the past few days?“, the brunette wanted to know. She asked this in hopes of getting an answer to whatever Ell-related topic there was to talk about. Unfortunately her mother didn’t go there at all (but she hadn’t thought so anyways).  
  
„No, aside from your perfect start as a teacher. I knew you had it in you, _I mean you are my daughter after all_ …“ ~~GAG~~ „… But the way you sometimes act like you do not even want to be here, I never thought you would actually be putting that much effort into this. I am proud of you my dear.“  
  
That was yet again one of the best and worst things Carmilla heard her mother say to her. Only that woman could turn a compliment around in a way that it sounded like the biggest insult. _Every time._  
  
„What did you expect? That I’d run around in leather pants and embarrass you? That I’d be smoking in class rooms and doing things that I’d rather enjoy doing than sitting in a tiny class room for 4 days a week and _teaching those imbecilic idiots_ of yours essentials on English Literature?“  
  
„Silas’ students are no imbecilic students - _as you so fondly name them_. They have taken tests to attend this university and were personally interviewed by me. Our rate to get in is one of the lowest in Europe. Just because you were in Ivy League in the US, doesn’t mean everyone else is below you.“, Renata took her daughter’s comment personally. She didn’t actually think highly of her students, she couldn’t have cared less about them, but she knew that the insult was against her.  
  
„I don’t think that everyone else is below me.“, the younger woman protested. Renata looked at her wide-eyed.  
  
„That is all I saw in the past 8 years, Carmilla. Ever since your first year in New York… Your father saw it too, when you came back. You had changed so much, you were no longer our little girl, after we sent you there…“  
  
„Whose fault was that?“  
  
„Carmilla, I will not have this discussion with you again. I did what I thought would be the best for you. And you can’t really complain, when you have had the perfect life over there. You were given all the freedom anyone could have wished for.“  
  
That was true, Carmilla couldn’t argue that point. She was given all the liberty one could wish for.  
  
„Fine, but I am not arrogant.“, the professor demanded. She wasn’t that person anymore.  
  
„What is the matter with you? Since when do you care, what I think?“  
  
Carmilla sighed and leaned her head into her hand. „Nothing. I don’t care. Forget it.“  
  
„This job was supposed to harden you, not make you weak.“  
  
„You call being good at one’s job a weakness?“, Carmilla couldn’t believe what she had heard.  
  
„No, being good at one’s profession is certainly not a bad thing… I was talking about your emotional outburst earlier and now…“, the woman sighed deeply, before continuing, „There has been rumors Carmilla…“  
  
„Rumors…?“ Oh, Carmilla was listening now. Listening intently.  
  
„Jeff overheard some of your students talk about you.“  
  
„Who? Who was talking about me? What was being said?“  
  
„I do not know details, my dear, but some people have been spreading rumors of you taking advantage of your students.“  
  
Carmilla’s face went blank. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t, _no, no, no._ Laura and her had been very careful, hadn’t they been? The kisses from earlier in the seminar room weren’t exactly the definition of ‚careful’, but one mistake couldn’t be ruining everything… She wanted to run, but her legs wouldn’t work.  
  
„Well, those aren’t true…“, she could finally utter. Her voice shaking.  
  
„Oh, I know my dear.“, the mother spoke to her daughter, squeezing her hand assuringly.  
  
„You do?!“, Carmilla was surprised now and didn’t get the whole situation.  
  
Renata sighed a little and closed her eyes for a second, scratched her forehead with her right index finger and began to talk again, „Those, who are spreading the rumors are… _Male_. And as much as _I am not fond of your romantic choices_ … I know for a matter of fact that you unfortunately would not be giving out good grades for intercourse with your male students.“  
  
What a great way to say _‚For once, I’m so glad that I know you’re gay‘_.  
  
„So the student who spread the rumor is a guy… And he said that I was… Sleeping with him?“  
  
„I do not know to what extent the rumor exists, but yes something resembling that, I suppose. Be careful. As for you, we will find the student out and there will be consequences for him.“  
  
„I will. Thanks mother.“, Carmilla was really grateful. Even though she still wanted to know what Ell was doing with Renata Karnstein, there apparently was something more important than her ex-girlfriend. This issue was affecting her life directly now. She was not done with the Ell-business though.  
  
„Of course, Karnstein women have to stick together.“, Renata sighed.  
  
Carmilla was determined to find out what secret her mother had hidden from her, but tonight was not the night...  
  
…  
  
Laura hadn’t been spending that much time with her friends lately, so she joined them for a study session midmorning on Saturday. The rest of that day belonged to her secret girlfriend. It was still exciting to have a secret lover.  
  
„ _Well, well, well_ , if it isn’t the star writer of Silas Gazette!“, LaFontaine announced, when Laura came through the door of the library.  
  
„You know about it?“, the blonde asked surprised (and a little anxious), while putting her laptop on the desk.  
  
„Ed just mentioned something about giving you the lead article, when I ran into him. What is it with you guys always trying to keep your stuff a secret?“  
  
„Ah, did he now, huh?“, Laura smiled (still in panic) at LaF and took the seat next to them.  
  
„So tell us, what is it about?“, a redhead crept up from behind. It was Danny. She was holding some books she probably fetched from the shelf that was on the other side of the room. The Literature section began down that hall.  
  
„Oh hi, Danny…“, the journalism student offered a smile and got one in return, „… I can’t say… It’s going to be a surprise.“  
  
Laura hated Ed in that moment. She couldn’t let her friends know that the article she was assigned to was about Carmilla, the same girl or woman from the party. The same Carmilla that Danny had threatened. The same Carmilla that LaFontaine thought she had made out with (and allegedly ended everything with). That _the ending it-part_ wasn’t true... This she hadn’t mentioned- she couldn’t have them know about her private life. Carmilla was counting on her with it. If LaF knew she deliberately said yes to that article, maybe they would get suspicious.  
  
At this point it felt like the wrong decision for Laura to take up on Ed’s offer. Now her friends were absolutely going to read her article. She just hoped that Danny wouldn’t recognize the name. (She knew that that was most probably not going to be the case, but a girl can dream, right?) No picture, no harm. (At least she was not aware of any yet.) She could tell LaF that that had been strictly professional, but Danny would be… Danny would jump into Carmilla’s face and make her feel bad for taking advantage of her.  
  
_Oh god, she had to prevent that exact situation._  
  
„When is it coming out?“, LaFontaine asked and interrupted the blonde’s thoughts.  
  
„Somewhere around March or April…“ _Liar._  
  
„Oh? That far ahead? Must be something big you’re working on…“, the tall redhead remarked and sat down on her side of the desk.  
  
_Oh, she had no idea…_  
  
  
  
„Where’s Perry?“, Laura suddenly noticed the lack of one ginger friend.  
  
„She’s at home for the weekend… I would’ve gone with her to visit my parents too, but I have an exam next week… My family’s not so fond of me visiting them anyways so there’s that…“, LaF answered.  
  
„Oh…? Any particular reason behind that? I mean, it’s a 3 hour train ride home isn’t it?“, the blonde tentatively asked and looked over to where Danny was seated. The tall student didn’t lift her gaze from her book though.  
  
„No, she just wanted to see them, before spending Christmas with me over here…“  
  
„So she’s there _now_ , so that you can celebrate Christmas together?“, Laura repeated.  
  
„Yeah…?“, the bio major replied.  
  
„That’s so… Cute…“, the journalism student felt bad that she would be leaving Carmilla alone for Christmas. She hadn’t even brought up the holidays to her teacher. She would be gone for a week, which left her the other week to spend with her professor. That had to be enough right?  
  
„What are _you_ doing for the holidays?“, Danny asked the tiny student.  
  
„I am spending half of it in London, like last year… _You_?“  
  
„I’ll be flying home too…“, the tall student responded, „I haven’t been home in a long time.“  
  
„Weren’t you home last summer?“, Laura genuinely didn’t know, because she jumped on a plane after getting her grades, when her last semester had ended. She hadn’t heard from Danny all summer. (Not that she wanted to.)  
  
„Uh, no I wasn’t…“, Danny’s face turned red. _Was it embarrassment or…?_  
  
„What were you doing here then?“  
  
Laura met Danny’s eyes. She did have beautiful eyes, but those couldn’t compare to the dark, deep ones Carmilla had. Even though dark eyes were not uncommon. _They were Carmilla’s._  
  
„I spent it with my sorority sisters… Going on parties… I just couldn’t go home… They would be asking about you, because all I talked about, when on the phone with them was you and I hadn’t told them about... You know-“, Danny was interrupted by a very confused Laura.  
  
„Wait, was it because we broke up?“  
  
„ _We_ didn’t. _You_ broke up with me.“, Danny countered.  
  
„Are we still talking about this?“, Laura sighed.  
  
„No, you brought it up, I just answered you.“  
  
LaFontaine cleared their throat.  
  
Laura saw it as a sign to shut up and work on her essay. She couldn’t help but feel a little bad for Danny, but in the same time remembering exactly, why they didn’t function in the first place. She had been clingy and wanted to control her always. Even now after being separated, she had tried to control her on Betty’s sendoff-party, when jumping Carmilla.  
  
She had to stop Danny from seeing the article, once it was out. She couldn’t be reading that, this would ruin her relationship with Carmilla, of that she was sure.  
  
Laura felt bad for lying to her friend(s), but it had to be done in order to preserve her relationship.  
  
…  
  
„As much as I enjoy kissing you, would you mind…“, Laura was lying fully on top of her professor, who was having trouble with the position she was in on her couch and shifting around the whole time.  
  
„Is this better…?“, the blonde asked, after she switched positions with the other woman. She was shorter after all, even though she was sure it wasn’t that much of a height difference between them. After having dated Danny, she welcomed the fact that she didn’t have to be lifted by her girlfriend to be able to kiss her. Thinking about it, she couldn’t actually remember how kissing Danny felt. Probably not as good as kissing the brunette professor of hers. That was just a whole different level.  
  
„Laura…?“, Carmilla’s low voice interrupted her. The dark haired woman placed a kiss on her jaw, „What are you thinking about?“ _And another kiss… And another…_  
  
She couldn’t say that it was her ex-girlfriend, who was occupying her thoughts. That would come off the wrong way.  
  
„Uh, nothing, just… How was your dinner with your mother?“  
  
Carmilla stopped mid-track of whatever she was doing on Laura’s neck and propped herself up on her arms.  
  
„You’re thinking about my mother now…? Am I _that_ bad at this?“  
  
_Okay, Hollis, no_. Thinking about your girlfriend’s mother is just as bad as thinking about your ex-girlfriend. She should take notes on that matter, she thought. Maybe even write a book about _‚100 ways to ruin the perfect make-out-session‘_. Or whatever was going on there. Laura could have sworn that Carmilla wasn’t anyways going near anything which involved 3rd base (not even 2nd to be honest). Was she holding back, because of Laura’s freaking annoying insecurities?  
  
Whatever it was, she had to respond, so she did.  
  
„No… No…“, the blonde chuckled, „You are perfect… I… Was just curious.“ She really was perfect and knew what she was doing. It was such a shame that she had not continued.  
  
They both sat up on the couch. Okay, the mood was definitely gone now. _Sigh!_  
  
„I didn’t find out anything about Ell. Whatever my mother is doing with her… She certainly doesn’t want me to know about it.“  
  
„Okay… And now? What are you planning on doing now?“, Laura was entirely too excited about this.  
  
Mystery to be solved and some evil dean involved? Hello? That reminded her of a certain web series on youtube that she enjoyed watching very much. And that title character was so hot. (Nothing comparable to Carmilla of course, but that girl reminded her of her professor very much.)  
  
„I guess I’ll just wait… That’s not my only problem right now.“, Carmilla remarked and got up to help herself to a drink out of her fridge.  
  
„What other problem is there? What are you talking about?“, Laura asked, when the professor was approaching the couch again.  
  
„I found out that someone’s been spreading rumors about me sleeping with students or something.“, the brunette said nonchalantly and handed her water bottle to the blonde.  
  
„ ** _What?!_** “, Laura took the offered drink, but eyed Carmilla in shock, as she plopped down beside her, „How can you be so calm about this?!“  
  
„Relax, they are not about us. Someone from my seminar thinks they are extra funny… We’ll find that person out and I assure you, my mother will make sure there are consequences.“  
  
„Woah there, do you have any idea, who could’ve done that…?“ How ironic that someone had spread those rumors about her teacher, because in a sense they were true.  
  
„My mother told me that it was a guy, who was spreading the rumors.“, Carmilla said, while playing with a lose string on her t-shirt.  
  
„In that case, I think I have an idea of who that could have been…“, Laura rolled her eyes for the 10th time that day.  
  
„What are you talking about?“, the professor was clueless.  
  
„Really, Carmilla? Yesterday, when Rob practically drooled over your desk? Did you really not see that?“  
  
„No, personally I don’t think it was him, besides: _He was just being nice_.“  
  
„Yeah, overly friendly with his English Lit professor. Ugh, I could have jumped him.“, _Laura and her jealousy_. That was something the professor found entirely too…  
  
„ _Cute_ …“  
  
„What?“, the blonde didn’t seem to understand.  
  
„You are cute, when you get jealous.“, Carmilla smirked and leaned in to place a short kiss on Laura’s lips.  
  
„I- I... No! I am certainly not jealous... And you are oblivious!“, the blonde responded after breaking the kiss.  
  
„No I am not. I knew, he was kind of flirting with me. I mean, he was really bad at it and his attempt shouldn’t even be counted as flirting or talking at all, but yeah, I was well aware of that.“  
  
„Then what was that all about?“, Laura wanted to know, gesturing in the air addressing to their conversation from some seconds ago.  
  
„I just wanted to see how you’d break it to me.“  
  
„Break it to you?“, the blonde journalism student was confused now.  
  
„That I am a _super-hot professor-goddess_ that everyone likes to worship.“, Carmilla chuckled playfully.  
  
„ _You are so unbelievable!_ “  
  
  
  
„So there’s only one more week until Christmas holidays, huh?“, Laura slowly started the topic she actually didn’t want to talk about. They were watching TV in the living room. The student’s head was resting on Carmilla’s lap, who absentmindedly combed through her hair with her slender fingers. (Laura found out that the brunette really liked to play with her hair.)  
  
„Yeah, can’t believe that I have been teaching for that long now. I’ve been at SU for 10 weeks straight, without killing my mother.“  
  
„Time flies by…“, the blonde remarked and Carmilla nodded, while she changed the channel. The TV was running, but neither of them actually did pay attention to the screen now, „What are you doing for Christmas?“, the student asked.  
  
„Oh god, don’t remind me… I have no idea to be honest. Being home… I guess… Maybe I’ll watch Christmas movies and drink egg punch right from the container. As much as I hate the early hours and late nights sometimes, I kind of love being occupied. I have read all my books in my shelf and watching TV for hours straight is something I am not very fond of…“, the professor looked down on her lap, where she met brown eyes.  
  
Carmilla’s Christmas plans didn’t sound good at all. Laura felt worse now about leaving.  
  
„How long will you be staying in London?“, Carmilla suddenly asked her girlfriend. The blonde was visibly shocked that the teacher did.  
  
„Uh, _you knew_ that I was going to London?“, she rose up and faced the other woman cross legged in a sitting position.  
  
„Of course, do you think I don’t listen to you, when you talk? You told me on Monday that you always go visit your mom’s grave during Christmas time.“, Carmilla responded and averted her gaze to the television screen for a second to turn it off.  
  
„Yeah, I guess I did…“, Laura trailed off, a smile decorating her lips, because the brunette had been attentive to what she had said, „I’ll be leaving on the 20th and heading back on the 27th.“  
  
„So I’ll have you until the 20th?“, Carmilla asked, while looking at her girlfriend again, scooting closer and placing a hand on her thigh.  
  
„Yes, you do and then after I come back, we’ll have a whole week together before university starts. If you want to spend it with me, that is.“, for that Laura got a beaming smile from the woman across her.  
  
„Of course I want to spend it with you.“, Carmilla smiled shyly, „Do you have someone to drive you to the airport or… Would you like me to drive you there?“  
  
„I guess… I mean, if you wouldn’t mind? I fly from Graz airport, that’s an hour away…“  
  
„I know where that is... I’ll take you there. You could spend the next weekend here at my place and then I could drive you there on Sunday?“  
  
„Yeah, sure that would be really nice.“, Laura smiled and kissed Carmilla shortly, „Thank you.“, their foreheads touched and both were staring at each other’s lips.  
  
„You don’t have to thank me for that.“  
  
„No, it’s not just because of you offering to drive me to the airport… I mean for being there and understanding that I have to go…“  
  
„ _Why wouldn’t I_? It’s your home and of course you’d want to spend Christmas with your dad… And as for the driving you there part… That’s purely selfishness… I just want to have you longer…“, for that the professor was kissed fiercely. That’s what being with an adult felt like. None of that possesive crap she had to deal with in her past relationships. Laura was so relieved that Carmilla was both clingy (especially about the spending the night part, which was just too sweet), but could also give her space. She’s never had that before. Danny would always want to do everything together.

 _Ew, no comparing girlfriend to ex_ , Laura scolded herself mentally.  
  
The student was surprised about how much time Carmilla wanted to spend with her though. It made her heart swell up in her chest and sent a tingling sensation through her whole body.

 _She was happy._  
  
Genuinely happy. Without a stupid pill that would only chemically modify her brain to make her happy. _This_ was the real thing.  
  
She shoved aside the thoughts of pills and potions and mentally made a list of things she could do with her lover, when back from her vacation in London. They could be going on a trip together again or just spend it in Carmilla’s apartment. She was sure they would both figure it out.  
  
„Thanks for being so understanding and just _YOU_ … I’m starting to get the notion that you really are the perfect human being.“, Laura chuckled.  
  
„ _Maybe I am_?“, Carmilla winked and engaged her girlfriend into another series of kisses.

...

Laura woke up -again not in her room. This was the second time that week, but she was accustomed to it now from the last time. What she wasn’t used to though, was her girlfriend’s arm draped around her waist, holding her close.  
  
„You up?“, Carmilla spoke against her neck, sending shivers through her whole body with just her hot breath against her skin. What the hell was this woman doing to that poor student?  
  
„Yeah, I am.“, the blonde responded and breathed in the scent of Carmilla’s bed, her body, just everything actually.  
  
„Good, because you are lying on my left arm and it feels really dead by now, sweetheart… And normally I wouldn’t mind, but that’s my dominant hand and I would like to be able to use it to make you breakfast.“, as the professor said it, Laura immediately lifted her head, so that her girlfriend could retreat the body part from under her pillow.  
  
„I’m sorry, but you could have woken me up…“, the amateur journalist answered and turned around to face the other woman.  
  
„No, it’s okay, I like to cuddle with you, while you are sleeping…“. Carmilla traced along Laura’s arm with her index finger, watching her own fingertips being the cause of goosebumps on that delicate skin. She smiled slightly and turned her gaze back to her girlfriend’s face, she was looking at her, her lips curling up slightly.  
  
Carmilla wanted to kiss those lips right now, but remembered that they had just woken up. She leaned over Laura, who was visibly confused and blindly groped around in her bedside-table-drawer. After she had found, what she was looking for, she pushed in the drawer and retreated back to her side of the bed. She unwrapped a chewing gum strip and threw the silver packaging on her nightstand beside herself and bit off half of the gum.  
  
„Is this like a weird morning routine of yours, or…?“, Laura asked and got a smirk in return.  
  
„No, I just wanna be able to kiss you.“  
  
„And you can’t without gum in your mouth…?“ That was a valid question.  
  
„I can, but I didn’t know how you felt about morning breath.“ A valid answer.  
  
„That’s kind of… Considerate… _Not necessary_ , but… Considerate. I don’t mind, you know.“  
  
„Noted, and yes, I know, I am always thoughtful of others.“, Carmilla remarked cockily and leaned forwards, but didn’t get any further. Laura gestured her to stop and looked at the other half of the chewing gum in Carmilla’s right hand.  
  
„If _you_ get to chew gum before we kiss, _I want one too_.“  
  
Carmilla looked at the piece between her fingertips and held it to the blonde’s mouth. „Share?“ Laura only nodded and opened her mouth, stuck out her tongue slightly, so that the brunette could put it in her mouth. Her tongue touched the professor’s fingers and that was just…  
  
Carmilla was watching that movement intently. After Laura had already been chewing on her gum for some time, the professor cleared her throat.  
  
„What?“, the blonde asked, while scooting closer.  
  
„Uh…“, the teacher shook her head to shake off any inappropriate thoughts, „ _Nothing_.“, leaning in, „Kiss me.“  
  
Laura complied gladly, increasing the proximity between them. The brunette smiled shyly and cast her lover one last look, before closing her eyes and brushing her lips against Laura’s. The student lifted up her hand and buried it in dark, messy locks, pulling the woman closer to her. Their kiss tasted like spearmint, which was kind of refreshing, but Laura liked the taste of her girlfriend’s lips the best.  
  
„That’s nice.“, the journalism student stated, nodding her head approvingly after leaning away slightly.  
  
„What is? Kissing me? I mean, _I’ve been told before, so_ …“ Laura rolled her eyes at that remark.  
  
„No, not that. Well- I mean, yeah obviously you do kiss great, but I mean this…“, the blonde smilingly closed her eyes, „Waking up to you like that.“  
  
Carmilla simply smirked and sat up a bit, kissing Laura’s hand. „Enough with the sweettalkin’ in bed, what do you want for breakfast? I had some time yesterday to go grocery shopping, so I have almost everything you could ask for at-“  
  
„ _I want you_.“, the blonde bit her lip.  
  
A simple statement. Could be read in many ways though.  
  
Yeah, she meant it in the most sexual way there was, even though she didn’t expect that to happen right then and there, but she wanted to make herself clear after being handled with care by her girlfriend the previous night/days.  
  
„I am right here.“, the professor said while shaking her head in amusement (Okay, she didn’t get the innuendo.). Laura’s demeanor indicated that this was no time for jokes. The amateur journalist really wanted Carmilla to know what she meant. Subtlety was not going to help anyone in this situation.  
  
„I know you are, and I am telli-“, but she was interrupted.  
  
Right in that moment a phone went off. _Of course it was._ Laura groaned mentally and shot the noise maker a death glare.  
  
„Sorry, hold on to that thought, sweetheart… Just…“, Carmilla climbed over her girlfriend’s legs, pinning them to the bed with her torso and got to her phone. Laura closed her eyes at that contact and sighed loudly. She could feel Carmilla’s breast on her thighs. This closeness without being close at all was making her really crazy.  
  
„Unknown number…“, the brunette murmured and picked up, „This is Karnstein…“, Laura observed her girlfriend, who was still on top of her legs. She made no sign of moving.  
  
„Uh huh… Did you contact her?“, that raspy voice of hers was doing things to the blonde. She reached over and played with chocolate brown hair and earned a shy smile for that. The caller on the other side was male, that much you could tell.  
  
„… Yeah, no I am still with you, Carter…“, Laura noticed that the teacher got a little distracted and tried something more daring.  
  
„… I told Marianne that she has to sign off the-“, Carmilla immediately stopped talking, because suddenly her girlfriend was in a sitting position so that she could be kissing her neck, moving her hair out of the way.  
  
„… Huh? Yeah I was saying… I told-“, Laura nipped on her skin and it was just so unfair. The professor shuddered from the touch of her student’s lips and could practically feel the sneaky nerd-girl’s smirk. _Quick tip: Breathe, Karnstein._ So she exhaled sharply.  
  
„No- no I… could- could you repeat that…?“, Carmilla shot her lover a questioning glare. The journalism student just shrugged and went on with her torturous path, „Just give me a second…“, the brunette covered her phone and turned to her girlfriend.  
  
  
„ _What are you doing?_ “, the teacher wanted to know.  
  
„I am seeking for your attention.“ _True story._  
  
„I will give you my full attention, when I am done with my phone call, Laura.“, the tone in which the teacher had said it, sounded rather harsh. She cast her lover another awaiting look, but when nothing came back, she held up her phone to her ear and continued the phone call.  
  
Laura let herself fall back into the mattress again, groaning audibly. For that Carmilla climbed over the bed and stood, bringing some distance between them (She thought, she was doing them a favor. The faster the call ended, the faster she could return to bed.)  
  
Poor blonde on the other hand was really pissed or hurt or whatever adjective there existed for the feeling she was having now. She jumped up from bed and into the bathroom. She could still hear Carmilla’s voice in the other room, the voice that made her knees go weak, when it reached a certain tone.  
  
After she was done with brushing her teeth, Laura made it out of the bathroom. Carmilla was sitting on the edge of the bed for the blonde to come out and was just about to say something, when her lover just passed her -totally ignoring her presence- and went through the doorway.  
  
The brunette followed the student into the kitchen, where Laura helped herself to a glass of milk.  
  
„Where’d you store the cookies I brought over last time?“, she asked, acknowledging her teacher.  
  
„Uh… Pantry over there…“, Carmilla pointed to said thing, but held the student’s hands captive, „But I won’t let you eat them, because I told you, I’d make you breakfast, didn’t I?“  
  
„Don’t bother.“, the amateur journalist simply replied.  
  
„Uhm… It’s not a big deal, I jus-“  
  
„You told me _not to expect that perfect-girlfriend-crap_ from you, right? See? I am not expecting _anything_ from you.“, Laura freed her hands from Carmilla’s grip and got to the pantry that had the cookies in it.  
  
_Yikes_. Karnstein was in big trouble, at least so it seemed. She wasn’t just sure yet where that sudden harshness came from.  
  
„Are you mad at me for earlier? Because… I’m sorry, but it was work-related and important.“, Carmilla dared to go there.  
  
„Nope.“ Laura was, but not really because of that, she got that it was Carmilla’s job and she promised her that she would never come in-between.  
  
She was mad, because every freaking time she tried to show her girlfriend or tell her that she was ready for them to become intimate, the moment had been ruined just some seconds later. It was really frustrating.  
  
„Because you are off to me.“ _Not unlike that one time at the dance_ , the brunette added in her mind.  
  
„I’m not, really.“ She was, really. _Aggravated. Confused. Angry_. All of those things.  
  
„Prove it.“, Carmilla said, coming closer to the side of the counter, where the student was resting her lower back on.  
  
„How? It’s not like you are believing me anyway, am I right?“, Laura asked. She really wanted to seem not angry at all ( _Mission NOT accomplished_.). That passive aggressive thing was just too apparent.  
  
The brunette eyed her for some seconds, before giving in. „Fine, just forget it… Eat your damn cookies, I’m gonna go take a shower.“, she sighed and paced to her bathroom. Laura threw the pack of cookies into the pantry again, not really wanting to eat them anymore. _Great, Hollis._  
  
  
  
„Still not telling me, what’s got you so worked up, beautiful?“, Carmilla asked, while plopping down on the couch beside her lover, who was watching ‚Dr. Who‘ reruns on the TV.  
  
Carmilla had never called her that and normally it would have sent sensations through Laura’s stomach and make her heart grow big inside of her ribcage, but now… She didn’t want to talk about earlier, so she tried something else.  
  
„You shower fast.“, the blonde noticed.  
  
„Well- I guess…?“, Carmilla faced the girl beside her and traced along her arm like earlier in bed. The goosebumps showed again, so she felt a little relieved. She was not completely off to her. Little things like these were always something the professor would remember and notice.  
  
„Tell me, what I did wrong?“, Carmilla whispered and scooted closer to her girlfriend, who was still facing the TV. Laura didn’t answer, so she put both her hands on the blonde’s shoulders and turned her slightly, so that she could fit in behind her, and hold her in front of her chest.  
  
„What are you doing?“, Laura wanted to know a little irritated (Pfft, but she did enjoy the warm embrace… And Carmilla’s slightly wet hair on her neck and that smell of _freshly-showered-professor-body_ and…)  
  
„Tell me, or I won’t let go.“, the brunette completely ignored her student’s question and held her close, almost crushing the petite body, that’s how tight the embrace was.  
  
„There is nothing to tell, Carmilla.“  
  
„Tell me, or I will tickle you.“  
  
„You don’t even know where to-“, the older woman started to roam around Laura’s body in that moment and yes, she was successful, she learnt that that sneaky thing was very sensitive around her sides, where her ribs ended. „ _Okay! Okay! Stop! Please, no!_ “  
  
„See? Are you telling me now?“, Carmilla whispered into Laura’s right ear and for that the blonde closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. „Or do I need to get further…?“ _Oh yes, go the farthest there is, and while you are at it, rip my clothes off already_. Laura thought. ~~And imagined~~ _._ And it was her end.  
  
„You have to stop.“, she squirmed, but couldn’t free herself from the tight hold.  
  
„Oh, no, no, no, I am not going to stop the inquiry just now…“, cocky smile against the student’s neck. Oh god, Laura was dead again. She felt the hot breath along her neck, every cell on that spot was burning from the semi-touch.  
  
„No _that’s_ not what I meant, Carm…“  
  
Carmilla stopped in her tracks, because whenever Laura called her Carm, it meant she was feeling close to her, so maybe she was now ready to tell her, what was bothering her.  
  
„Then tell me, what you meant?“, pleading voice. It sounded sexy. _Everything_ sounded sexy on that woman.  
  
„I…“, Laura leaned her head forwards, „Could you stop that?“  
  
„Stop what?“, Carmilla asked confused.  
  
„Breathing.“, the student closed her eyes to steady herself.  
  
„What? Do you want me dead?“, the brunette chuckled and was still pretty clueless.  
  
„No, you’re breathing on my neck and that’s- that’s just - **UGH**!!!“  
  
„Okay?“, the brunette asked and finally let her lover go and that girl jumped up from the couch and turned to face her.  
  
„Carmilla, you are killing me…“ Once again just a vague explanation, „You’re killing me when you kiss me like... I have no idea... or lie on top of me and look down at me in a certain way or hold me close or just breathe against my neck -it’s killing me like this and it seems like you do it a lot lately and just…“  
  
„Wait- so the reason for your sudden mood-change’s me showing you affection?“  
  
„Yes…“, Carmilla was shocked at the revelation, and truthfully it sent the wrong message, so Laura explained herself, „I mean no- _I love when you do that_ … It’s just about _how_ you do those things.“  
  
„How do I do them? Tell me, because obviously I am doing something wrong.“, the brunette was desperate for some real answers, because 1 hour ago everything was alright and then since that stupid phone call, everything had changed.  
  
„You are not doing anything wrong... Just... You don’t have to be so overly considerate all the time. Because, I mean -yeah, I get it, _I was the one, who told you I wasn’t ready_ to go the next step, _but that was before_ \- and as much as I love how understanding you are- you have to stop being too cautious around me and just go with your guts… I mean, if _you_ still want to, I don’t even know if you do, god!“, the blonde paced around while she said that, but stopped right after the last word escaped her lips.  
  
„Wait, what is this all about? Because you lost me after the first sentence.“, Carmilla shook her head, looking up to her girlfriend, who was in full rambling mode.  
  
„You find excuses to stop every time we are kissing too much and... Uh...“ Simple statement again. Very vague even. _Was that enough to do the trick?_  
  
„Uhm…“, the brunette duck her head, slightly shaking it and slowly getting the hint, „But I thought…“, she shot Laura a puzzled stare, „You said…“, she stood up to be in the same level as her girlfriend and not have her look down at her anymore, „I was just…“  
  
„Considerate.“, the blonde finished off the sentence.  
  
Carmilla let out a breath, she didn’t know she was holding.  
  
„So this means _you do want to_ … Right now…?“, the professor cautiously asked. _Kind of awkward._  
  
„What?! No! Not right now in this moment! … But yeah, I mean…“, the student buried her head in her hands and groaned (feeling clearly embarrassed about the whole fuss she was making about something like this), „… Could you just forget everything I said, I mean _now you know the thing_ , but forget all the other stuff I said, yeah?“  
  
Carmilla was smirking and approaching her girlfriend, who was still dying out of embarrassment.  
  
„Forget what exactly? The fact that you’re just as horny as some school boy, who needs to get laid?“, the brunette chuckled and grabbed Laura by her waist.  
  
„Oh my god, I am never talking to you again!“, the girl groaned for the hundredth time that morning and wanted to free herself from the teacher’s grip (eyes still closed and face still red as a tomato), but had obviously forgotten Carmilla’s strength.  
  
„Sweetheart…“, the professor chuckled and stopped Laura from burying her face in her hands again, by capturing her wrists, „Look at me…“  
  
The blonde shook her head -still eyes closed.  
  
„So you never want to look at me or ever talk to me again?“  
  
The student nodded.  
  
„Laura… Open your beautiful eyes.“, the brunette ordered and surprisingly her lover complied. Complementing a girl was always a good start.  
  
Besides, how could anyone resist that raspy voice?  
  
„Good, now that we have _that_ covered… You don’t have to feel embarrassed at all, yeah? I thought, I was alone with wanting to sleep with you and was quite frankly starting to worry about myself… That’s why I pulled away, whenever we were going that way ever since you told me you weren’t ready… But now that I know that I am not the only one, who wants this… That changes everything. You have to tell me these things, it’s important that we talk, remember? That rule also applies to you, my dear.“  
  
Laura sighed a little and rolled her eyes, slowly putting her arms around her girlfriend’s neck.  
  
„Why are you so perfect? Like seriously? It’s starting to get on my nerves!“  
  
„So you are still talking to me… Good to know…“, the brunette smirked again.  
  
„Yeah, yeah, yeah… So, when am I getting that breakfast you promised?“  
  
„What, cookies didn’t allay your hunger?“, the brunette cocked her eyebrows.  
  
„I didn’t eat them.“, Laura said while pulling Carmilla into a hug. The professor rubbed her student’s back and smiled at the outcome of their talk.  
  
„How does french toast sound to you?“

„I’d rather prefer french kissing for now.“

„Breakfast now, smooching later.“, the brunette scolded her lover.

 


	16. Coitus Interruptus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brOTP has some trouble in paradise.  
> Laura decides to tell her professor about the article...  
> Renata Karnstein is a a very intimidating dean and a hell of a mother.

„L. can I ask you something?“, LaFontaine slowly started. Laura and her friend were both enjoying their free time in their university café before Monday classes would start.  
  
„Sure, what’s up?“, Laura looked up from her textbook she was reading for her course.  
  
„You’ve been… Like plastic… Slowly dissolving into the air… Leaving little particles behind… It’s been a slow process, that’s why I haven’t really caught on to that… But now it’s become more evident. You are spending less and less time with your favorite redhead. We haven’t had an alone-time in a very long time… Like really alone, not like this… _Hanging in-between classes in school cafeterias_ …“  
  
„Awww, are you missing me? So cute!“, the blonde nudged their shoulder.  
  
„Well, yes? I am missing my best friend? And _you_ aren’t missing me a bit.“, the bio major pouted.  
  
„No, you are right, we should totally do something… Just let me get back to you with that okay?“  
  
„ _Let you get back to me?_ Why? Do you have somewhere else to be after classes?“  
  
Laura felt caught. She had said that, because she didn’t want to miss out on spending time with her teacher, if Carmilla wanted to meet her. Was that too much? Was she being too clingy? She shook her head mentally. No, she shouldn’t be that type of girl who dissipates after having a girlfriend.  
  
„You know what? I do have time today after classes. We’ll go to that place we ate on my birthday at.“  
  
„Really? I wouldn’t want to impose myself on your tight schedule.“, LaF mockingly said, for that they were slapped on the shoulder. Laura could go from gentle to violent in seconds.  
  
„Shut up and meet me there at five.“  
  
„Aye, aye boss.“  
  
  
  
Laura was sitting in her journalism class, when she got a text from her editor at Silas Gazette.  
  
**Ed:** _Hey, favorite blonde, have you set up a meeting with prof. Karnstein already?_  
  
The student bit her lip. She still hadn’t told Carmilla. She didn’t know why, but every time she decided on doing so, she held back. Telling herself it wasn’t the right time or that she wanted to tell her in person.  
  
Maybe it was the fact that she would need to ask many personal questions that would have to be answered by her and getting her answers because it was a formal setup and not because her girlfriend deliberately gave them to her… That didn’t feel so good.  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _I will meet her after winter break for an interview._  
**Ed:** _Good, keep me up to date with your progress._  
  
The student had lied a little, because it seemed like she already had set everything up, but her editor wouldn’t hopefully find out. The blonde was sure about one thing though: She had to ask Carmilla for real, so she shot her some quick texts.  
  
She actually had planned on writing the most of it in London, when in her childhood home, but now she probably had to be squeezing that into her second week of vacation or even after that. The deadline was on the 20th January anyways, she thought to herself.  
  
**Laura:** _Hey._  
**Laura:** _Do you get out at 4 again?_  
**Laura:** _I need to talk to you about something important._  
  
Laura hadn’t forgotten her date with LaF, but she’d meet them at five anyways. That was enough time to pay her favorite professor a short visit. (It was on her way there, so…)  
  
**C.K.:** _Yeah, can I know what this is about?_  
**Laura:** _You don’t have to worry, nothing bad._  
**Laura:** _Wanna tell you in person._  
**Laura:** _Meet me at your office?_  
**C.K.:** _At my office? Ok, sure. I’ll be there around 4:15._  
**Laura:** _Great, see you soon._  
  
The amateur journalist was happy that she was going to see her secret lover, even though it was on a formal basis. She wasn’t allowed to back down from telling her about the lead article-thing this time, that much she knew.  
  
  
  
Laura stood in front of the door of the professor’s office. She traced along the golden letters that wrote out her girlfriend's name with her titles placed before. How noble that looked. Luckily no teacher or other faculty member saw her there (that would have been a little weird). The blonde knocked shortly and entered. She was greeted by Carmilla -who was sitting at her desk with some paperwork in front of her- with a heartwarming smile.  
  
The blonde closed the door behind her and sat down on a visitor’s chair. Carmilla stood up from hers and went around the desk and to the door -Laura eyed the movements a little confused. The brunette locked the door from inside and turned around with a smug smile.  
  
„Precautions.“, she stated.  
  
„Uh huh, but I didn’t come here to do things that need your… _Precautions_.“, Laura chuckled.  
  
„You didn’t? I thought ‚ _talking about something important_ ‘ was the code word for _kissing_.“, the professor gave her student a quick peck on the lips, „Hey.“, and sat down beside her.  
  
„Hey…“, Laura fixated the floor and fiddled with her thumbs, „So… Uhm.“  
  
„So uhm?“, Carmilla mimicked her and the blonde rolled her eyes.  
  
„Remember when Lisa mentioned something about an article about you to be published in the Gazette in class last Friday?“, the journalism student started.  
  
„Eh, yes…“, the brunette cast her a bewildered look, „You really _did_ come here to talk, _didn’t you_?“  
  
„Well, yeah, what did you expect?“  
  
„I thought you were playing cool the fact that you wanted to see me…“, the teacher half pouted and half smiled, „Guess I am the only one, who misses you.“  
  
„You’re sweet, but you had me the whole day yesterday.“, Laura laughed and grazed her girlfriend’s cheek with her thumb. Carmilla placed her hand on the one of the blonde and held her close.  
  
„So what did you want to talk to me about?“  
  
„Yeah, so the article? An exclusive on you?“  
  
„Wait- so it really is a thing? Not some silly rumor?“, Carmilla retreated her hand and looked at the other girl in bewilderment.  
  
„Yeah it is, and that’s not all…“, Laura inhaled deeply, „ _I am the one who’s writing it._ “  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went wide and she was quiet for some seconds.  
  
„Wait, what?... How long have you known?“  
  
„Exactly one week now… I found it out on the day I met… _You know_ … That’s also the reason I went to your mother’s office that day.“  
  
„Oh?“  
  
Before the professor could utter any further questions, Laura explained herself.  
  
„I just haven’t found the right time to tell you and today my editor asked me about my progress and I thought… Maybe you’d like to set up an appointment with me… For an interview?“  
  
„Laura…“, the brunette shook her head and smiled slightly, „You don’t need an appointment with me, I’ll answer your questions whenever you want me to…“, Carmilla leaned in and reached forwards to pull the girl opposing her into a kiss, but was stopped.  
  
„No, we can’t do this privately, I insist on an appointment in your office with _no touching_ …“, the professor provocatively set her hand on the blonde’s thigh and traced it along, „… And uhm _without distracting kisses_ …“, Carmilla leaned in to kiss along Laura’s neck instead of her lips, „… Just- god _can you not_?“  
  
„What?“, the older woman chuckled lightly against her lover’s neck. How amusing it was to bring the tiny human out of her agenda.  
  
„ _That’s_ exactly what I am trying to prevent myself from.“  
  
„Being showered with affection? Uhhh, yes I am so freaking mean, huh?“  
  
„No! Being distracted from my work, because it is important. I am writing the lead article for the February issue, Carm. It’s kind of a big deal…“  
  
„Hmn…“, the teacher seemed to think, back to her position again, „… Laura… If you write about me… Isn’t _everyone_ going to be seeing the article…?“ With everyone she meant three human beings who have already considered her as Laura’s love interest in the past.  
  
„I thought about _that_ too… I mean, LaFontaine already knows you are my teacher so that isn’t really going to be a problem and Perry doesn’t even really go to this school… She’s hardly ever on the campus… I am worried about Danny reading the article. I mean I already lied to them about the publication date and you know maybe they will forget about it by then…“, Laura huffed, „What am I thinking? Of course they are going to find out…“  
  
„Okay, let’s just not think about that too intently okay? Maybe they’ll really forget.“, Carmilla tried to comfort her girlfriend. Maybe- just maybe they would get lucky.  
  
„You don’t know my friends. Especially _Danny_ … She’s…“ _Aside from all that, she’s still my ex-girlfriend that doesn’t like you_. Yeah, probably not a good thing to say, Hollis. The blonde refrained herself from talking about her further, „… You are right, let’s not talk about that any longer. I’ll figure something out and now _you_ tell me, when you do have time for me. Preferably in the second week of the holidays or shortly after.“  
  
Carmilla got up and went around the desk to look through her calendar, sitting down on her chair.  
  
Laura followed her shortly after and placed her hands on the professor’s shoulders, gently massaging her seemingly tense neck muscles with her thumb in circular movements. The brunette hummed in delight and that was just too much for Laura. She wondered how she sounded in bed, if it was something similar to that or if her sounds of pleasure could get louder. _Probably._ That was something interesting to dwell on…

  
„I might squeeze you in on Tuesday, the 5th? The day after is a holiday.“, Carmilla interrupted Laura’s ~~vivid~~ daydream.  
  
„But you hardly are in on Tuesdays?“  
  
„Yeah, I might just come in for my favorite student.“, the brunette turned around in her revolving chair and smirked at the girl, who was looking down at her. Carmilla parted her legs and pulled the blonde towards her by her wrists. Laura got the hint and bent down a little, placing her hands on the chair’s armrests, so that she was only mere inches apart from the professor’s face.  
  
„January the fifth it is.“, Laura got out huskily, still flustered by the daydream she had been playing in her head before.  
  
„Good. Now that this is set up. How do you feel about some _extracurricular activities, Ms. Hollis_?“ A dirty smug grin was accompanied with that sentence.  
  
„Do I get _extra credit_ in your class for that?“, the blonde joked.  
  
„Oh, you’ll get _anything_ you want from me…“, Carmilla whispered and pulled her girlfriend down with her hands on her neck to meet her lips. _Anything?_ Be careful what you promise...  
  
Laura was a little surprised by the action, but gave in nonetheless. The lip-lock went on for some seconds, until the blonde pulled back slowly, standing straight again. Carmilla opened her eyes and shot her a confused glare, before rising up too and grabbing her girlfriend by her waist.  
  
„I do get more than a petty little kiss.“, a quick peck, „I am giving you a full interview after all…“, another kiss, „ _Exclusive_ and all…“, this time Laura pulled her closer and both stood there, relishing the lip-lock. The blonde’s tongue grazed the professor’s bottom lip and the woman did a sharp intake of breath. She stumbled behind, her chair moved away by itself (miraculously… or she might have kicked it away a little… who knows) and somehow she was pinned to her desk. The brunette did the most logic thing there was: She sat down on her desk, ignoring whatever paperwork was strewn over that wooden thing and pulled the journalism student closer and in-between her parted legs.  
  
Laura leaned forwards, with her hands roaming around Carmilla’s thighs and finally groping her rear firmly to hold her close to herself (of course **not** because that felt great - _that ass though_ …). The teacher hummed into the kiss, fully approving of the contact and buried her hand in lose blonde curls, cupping the face of her lover. Their tongues were meddling with each other and bodies pressed on one another.  
  
The journalism student was bold enough to move her hand from Carmilla’s lower back (yes, she moved them there) to her stomach, gripping the material of her pristine white shirt. The professor was still wearing her blazer, so the blonde went with that one first. She slid the piece of clothing off her shoulders and let it fall down beside the desk. The suit was custom made by an Italian designer and had cost a fortune, but the professor couldn’t have cared less in that moment.  
  
Carmilla surprisingly obeyed to whatever Laura wanted her to do silently. She was caught up in the heated lip-lock and played with her girlfriend’s hair -the soft locks felt just like she imagined clouds felt like (except she knew the science behind them and knew, it was bullshit, but still…).  
  
Laura grabbed the older woman by her waist to pull her yet again closer to her, leaving no space at all between them. She wanted to have that body against hers, being able to make out the shapes of her perfect curves just by feeling her close to her. She moved her hands up Carmilla’s sides, grazing her breasts slightly, and came to a halt when she reached the collars of the shirt. The brunette also let go of her lover’s neck and face and put her hands on the student’s lower back to steady her between her legs.  
  
Slow, delicate fingers were cautiously unbuttoning the professor’s shirt. Laura’s conscious and self-control were on vacation in that moment, because she didn’t care that she was locked together with her teacher and about to do ungodly things with her in her office ( _in her freaking university_ ). Even though it resembled some porn-movie plot, she couldn’t have cared less. She wanted Carmilla so much in that moment and vice versa.  
  
At least she thought so. _Oh my god_ , she didn’t even know for sure. She stopped (she had managed to unbutton half of the brunette’s shirt and her dark blue bra was starting to show) and looked into confused -but dilated- pupils. They were questioning her action.  
  
She didn’t believe what she was about to ask the woman opposing her…  
  
„Is this… _Can I do this_ …?“, Laura wanted to know and Carmilla just turned her head and looked at the door, panting heavily.  
  
„Yeah, I locked the door, don’t worry.“, the dark haired woman replied and got closer again.  
  
„No, I meant, if _you_ are okay with this?“  
  
For that the student didn’t get an answer, she was met by Carmilla’s hungry lips and that was reply enough. Laura leaned forwards and set her hands on the desk. The woman with dark hair slid hers under the amateur journalist’s top, and immediately felt the reaction to her touch. She smiled into the kiss, which didn’t go unnoticed by the other girl.  
  
Laura stopped the heated lip-lock between herself and her teacher and moved down her neck. Carmilla’s half parted shirt gave her enough access to do what she intended to do there. She kissed along the skin right under the professor’s jawline, getting her wanted response to that. Carmilla’s moan reached every little cell in her body and it made her want to hear it more often and much louder. She loved it, being the cause of that sound. If there was a scale of being turned on -she was sure she had reached 100% by now.  
  
The student’s hands came to a use again, when she unbuttoned the last few buttons and fully parted the shirt, revealing Carmilla’s torso ( _what a déjà vu_ ). Laura’s lips moved from the professor’s neck to her decolleté, right to the valley between her breasts and moved further down. The blonde’s tongue glided over Carmilla’s navel and her hands were steadying the arching body with a firm grip on the professor’s waist.  
  
As much as Carmilla enjoyed that much attention to her body, she wanted nothing more than to feel her student’s lips on her own again, so she grabbed her by her sweatshirt and pulled her up. Laura was just about to lean in for a kiss when-  
  
A freaking phone went off.  
  
„ _Oh no, no, no_ … **You’ve got to be kidding me!** “, the blonde shook her head and leaned her forehead on the brunette’s shoulder, who was looking behind her on the desk, where her phone was resting, „You are not getting _that_ , _are you?_ “, Laura’s tone was rather impatient and warning.  
  
„I wouldn’t dare to, **no** , but _it’s not mine anyways_.“, Carmilla chuckled and sucked in her bottom lip. Laura stepped back a little, to realize where the ring came from, and really: it was her own mobile device going off in her jacket, which was placed beside her backpack on one of the visitor’s chairs. She closed her eyes to steady herself again, „Well…? Are _you_ getting that…?“, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
„ **No**.“, the student was met by dark eyes, when she opened her own. She leaned in again to kiss her girlfriend, who shortly after stopped and pulled back. The professor held her hand up to Laura’s lips to refrain her from kissing her again until the ring subsided. Carmilla nodded satisfied, when no sounds (no artificial ones) were filling the room anymore and got back to the french lip-locking thing that was going on before that, when- yet again someone’s phone went off. Both groaned in unison.  
  
„Oh my god, is there someone out there, who just doesn’t want us to have some privacy _for fucking 10 minutes_?!“, Laura exclaimed, before her teacher shushed her. The journalist in spe cursing? Never a good sign. Plus on the side note: Carmilla certainly didn’t want _it_ to be over in 10 minutes.  
  
„Sweetheart, those walls are not famous for being soundproof…“, the brunette said and gave her student a small peck on the cheek, „… Maybe it’s for the better that we got interrupted… Go take your phone call. Whoever that is, sure seems to need you.“, Carmilla rubbed her palms to her cheeks and slowly seemed to regain a normal heartbeat.  
  
The mood was definitely ruined now.  
  
„Whoever that is, sure _needs me to kill them_ …“, Laura said, visibly annoyed. She didn’t bother though to take the call, instead she was in Carmilla’s space again and eyed her torso. She had spread open that shirt and never really got the time to acknowledge the body presented in front of her. Laura reached down and traced along her girlfriend’s stomach with her fingertips. There was a shuddering as a response to her touch.  
  
„Laura…“, the teacher whispered and shook her head. It was a silent plea. Carmilla closed her eyes, licking over her lips. She definitely lost herself that afternoon.  
  
„I know…“, the blonde responded to the unspoken words. _We can’t do this here_ , was what the brunette would have most probably said. Although Laura knew, how much she wanted to and that was enough for her. The journalism student stopped in her tracks and slowly started to button up the shirt again. Carmilla looked at her, surprised by the action.  
  
„ _What?_ I did this, the least I can do is cleaning up my mess.“, Laura explained herself. She straightened out the collar, after she had buttoned the shirt up all the way. She also bent down and picked up the blazer she had discarded earlier -not caring for any dirt on the floor (not that there was any).  
  
„Thanks.“, the brunette uttered, whilst taking the piece of clothing and standing up from her desk.  
  
„Sure.“, Laura went around the wooden table and got to her jacket. Angrily fishing out her phone and eying it’s screen. Carmilla followed her and plopped down to the other chair after putting on her coat.  
  
_You have received 2 missed calls._  
  
„Oh crap!“, the blonde totally had forgotten about her meeting with LaF.  
  
„What’s wrong?“, Carmilla looked up to her lover, who hurriedly put on her jacket.  
  
„I totally forgot, I promised LaF that I’d meet them -like 10 minutes ago!“  
  
„Oh that’s just endearing how you’re leaving me _like this_ …“, the professor shook her head, but after she saw Laura’s apologetical expression, she corrected herself, „I was joking, common, go!“  
  
„Really? You sure?“  
  
„Of course Laura, text me, when you’re free.“  
  
„Thanks! _For you know_ … And I’m going to make _that all_ up to you.“, the blonde bent down to kiss her girlfriend shortly and took her bag from the chair. After combing through her hair with her bare fingers, she huffed out a short breath and walked over to the door.  
  
Carmilla watched her make her way out -as subtle as possible unlocking the door- and throwing her one last beaming smile, which she could only return. She sat there for a while, thinking about her own actions.  
  
If the phone call hadn’t stopped her, she would have slept with Laura in her office. She was actually glad that they got interrupted. The brunette knew, she didn’t want it to happen somewhere, where she couldn’t even have a private moment after, because they were in her freaking office.  
  
She wanted it to be special, even though it was even new to her that she’d pass up such an opportunity. Laura was a special person to her, someone who she trusted, someone who was important to her, after those long years of ‚going‘ through countless girls. She didn’t want to do this in the passing. Somewhere in her office, just because she felt caught up in the moment.  
  
Besides all of that, there were already rumors of her being indiscreet with her student(s). She didn’t need people to find out that they were true. The office was off limits for her now.  
  
  
  
Right when Carmilla was about to organize all the paperwork (one half was strewn on to the floor and the other was crumpled up on her desk), she got a visitor.  
  
Someone cleared their throat and the brunette’s attention was on the intruder standing in the doorway to her office.  
  
„Mother.“  
  
„Carmilla.“, a nod.  
  
„What are _you_ doing here?“, the teacher asked, her heart rate going up to the sky, because it was only a matter of 5 minutes… And if there hadn’t been the phone call - She didn’t want to imagine the possible outcomes of that situation. Thank god for the interruption…  
  
„I just came by to pay my daughter a visit… I see you have already lived in well…“, Renata’s gaze wandered to the crumpled up pieces of paper on Carmilla’s desk. (The ones on the floor were not visible to her from where she was standing. The young professor shoved them under her desk with her foot, so that her mother wouldn’t see them.  
  
„Yeah, uh, come, sit.“, the younger brunette offered and the gesture was welcomed with a small nod and smile. Her mother was sitting in the same chair as Laura would always sit on, when she visited her in her office.

  
  
„I have taken care of _your problem_.“, the dean looked around the office, clearly impressed that -almost- everything was neatly organized. She knew her daughter to be a dirty slob.  
  
„What problem?“, the teacher clearly didn’t seem to grasp what was being said to her.  
  
„I found out who spread those silly rumors of you. I already suspended that student from class until summer semester begins -which means he won’t be able to take exams until then.“  
  
„Do you know _why_ he spread those rumors?“, the professor wanted to know.  
  
„It was apparently a young man that overheard one of your students say something about you. He then jumped to conclusions -at least that’s what he said- and thought that it was alright to spread a little dirt on you, since he needed the attention or whatever it is, kids need these days. The rumor still caught onto certain people - But I am already working on a plan to avert those _gossipmongers’_ attention from you.“  
  
„What gossip- uh mother, what are you talking about?“  
  
„Your reputation is on the verge. I have done quite a lot actually to hold up the press from writing anything that could be bad for your career, but they simply won’t look over the fact that you are sleeping with your student-“  
  
„But _I am n_ _ot_ , I already told you!“ ~~_Not yet anyways_.~~ „Besides, why does the press want to write about me in the first place?“  
  
„I know, dear, but the press doesn’t know that… You are Renata Karnstein’s daughter, dean of the university you teach at… How do you think that looks like? They have been on Ms. Belmonde’s back for a long time too. Now that you are involved in this _absurd little scandal_ … It is just perfect for them with her as Silas’s main sponsor and you as my daughter- I am in the middle of a crossfire.“  
  
„Well… But what is your plan on stopping them?“  
  
„I have worked something out, don’t worry. I will have replaced it by _something_ else. Do not worry your pretty head with it, _my glittering girl_.“  
  
„Alright, I guess, I’ll just trust you with that.“, the dark haired beauty said (not quite sure, if her mother was referring to the ,The Who'-song with that pet name - if so, kudos to you, mother Karnstein).  
  
Somehow the younger Karnstein didn’t like the idea of Renata having something up her sleeve. Although as much as she should be hating her mother now (not that she didn’t), her mother standing up to her with so much support left her a little speechless in that matter.  
  
What if the thing with Ell really was something completely harmless and- _No, who was she kidding?_ Ell and her mother shouldn’t go in the same sentence. There was definitely something big behind all of that. She just had to await the right moment. And just maybe she could break into her mother’s office and- **No** , definitely no. Laura was starting to rub off on her.  
  
„What do you think of Christmas in Switzerland? I have rented out that chalet in Wallis again, remember that? I will be going there from tomorrow until the 30th. It would be nice, if you came too. I actually wanted to ask you earlier, but I did not think you would want to...“  
  
„Yeah, no, you were right in thinking that. I have to work on some things for my seminar, so I won’t make it… But you are going away for so long?“, the daughter asked her mother.  
  
„Yes. Well, _even I_ need vacation sometimes. It would have been nice if you came, but work always comes first. I am very proud of you my dear. If you want, you can spend Christmas at the mansion? The maids are on vacation too, but I’m sure you can take care of yourself.“  
  
„Yeah, right, I’ll keep that in mind.“, Carmilla said, as if she was seriously considering it. No way in hell would she deliberately go there to spend her holidays. She had other plans anyways. She had to resolve the Ell issue.

She already had something in mind for that matter…  
  
…  
  
„I am _so, so, so, so_ sorry!!!“, Laura apologized, when she saw LaF outside of the restaurant they agreed on meeting at. They were mad. Really mad and hurt. The blonde felt awful.  
  
„See, normally I wouldn’t say anything, but you let me wait 45 minutes for you… You! _Queen of punctuality!_ …“  
  
„I know, and I am sorry, but I got hold up… And-“  
  
„Something is wrong… And I won’t ignore it anymore… Laura, what’s up? You are not yourself anymore. I let you mope around and then I thought you’d be better, but now…? You’ve gotta tell me… Is this like last year again…? _When you…?_ “, the redhead looked around, to see if anyone was eavesdropping on them, „Are you feeling like _that_ again? You know-“  
  
„Oh god, _can you not_ bring this up again? LaF I told you that was a _one time thing_ , I’ve been going to the freaking psychiatrist for 4 months because _you_ told on me… I cannot deal with you jumping to conclusions again!“, the blonde let out rather harshly.  
  
„Again?! Laura, you are sick and you can’t ignore that! There is no ‚ _one time thing_ ‘ when it comes to depression!“  
  
„I am taking those damn pills, what more do you want me to do? Huh? Lock myself up in a tower? So that I can’t hurt myself? God why can’t just everyone leave me alone?! _I am done with everyone trying to be my parent!!!_ I can perfectly take care of myself!“  
  
LaFontaine had watched their friend have that emotional outburst with wide eyes. They shook their head after she was finished.  
  
„You know what? If you really think that you can handle everything on your own, then just do it. Go on. I won’t be a burden for you anymore. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Being by yourself? I mean, _I clearly am not high on your priority list_ … So…“, the bio major passed their (ex?) best friend.  
  
„ **LaF?!** “, the journalism student turned, but the redhead was already pacing away.  
  
„Great, _just really great_ …“, Laura sat down on a nearby bench and got out her mobile phone and immediately texted the first person that came to her mind. _Who would that be…?_  
  
**Laura:** _Can I call you?_  
  
The blonde student sat there, staring into blank space for a while, before her phone vibrated in her hand. Carmilla was calling her.

  
„Hey…“, Laura answered.  
  
„Hi there, aren’t you supposed to be with your friend?“  
  
„We got into a really big fight.“  
  
„Are you okay?“, the brunette seemed concerned.  
  
„Yeah, just needed to hear your voice. I’m much better now.“, what a cheesy thing to say, but every word was sincere. Carmilla had this effect on her. She was her happy pill. No need for the real drug.  
  
„You are sweet…“, the woman on the other end chuckled.  
  
„Hmn, what about you? What are you doing?“, the student wanted to know. Carmilla exhaled deeply.

  
„I just had a talk with my mother… The problem with the rumors about me sleeping with students has been resolved apparently.“  
  
„Oh? _That was fast_.“, Laura was actually pretty impressed.  
  
„Yeah, my mother can be… _Convincing_ at times.“  
  
„Or _intimidating_ , depends on how you see it.“, Laura chuckled. Definitely intimidating. Or mortifying even.   
  
„What are you doing now?... Do you want to come over tonight?“, Carmilla asked in hopes of continuing where they had left off in her office. Was that wise? _Whatever, a girl could try._  
  
„I would really love to... _Like really_... But I actually should be studying for an exam that is on Thursday... I just couldn’t bring myself to, the past week. I have been procrastinating for 4 days now…“  
  
„Why haven’t you told me? I would have let you study…“, the brunette was just too considerate.  
  
„Because _I wanted to see you_ …“, that made Carmilla’s heart flutter. ~~Ew, what was that feeling?~~  
  
„Well, I won’t be your excuse anymore. Get your cute little butt home and start studying.“  
  
„Okay… That means we won’t see each other before Thursday, am I right?“, Laura sighed.  
  
„Not except for class on Wednesday. I am not going to be your distractor for this. This would be utterly irresponsible of me, now wouldn’t it?“  
  
„I guess… So, I think I’m gonna walk to my dorm and study for the test… Sorry for the disturbance.“  
  
„You are never a disturbance, only a welcomed distraction. Talk to me on the phone until you get to your room?“, the brunette offered, which her girlfriend was really glad for. Laura stood up and made her way to her dorm.

  
„Sure, so… Tell me how your day was. _Did anything interesting happen?_ “, the blonde asked, as if she hadn’t been with her teacher just half an hour ago.  
  
„ _Well_ …“, the brunette was clearing her throat, „I got a visit by a student of mine and she tried to seduce me, right here in my office, would you believe _that_ …?“  
  
„Not successfully though, the focus lies on _‚tried‘_.“, Laura rolled her eyes, she could see her dorm and out of reflex looked up to the building in which Carmilla’s office was in. The blinds were down, so she could only see the brunette’s silhouette vaguely. (The distance made it really hard). That was enough for her though. Her lover was standing.  
  
„There is always a next time sweetheart… Preferably not in my office…? And in reach of a bed?“, Carmilla’s voice got quieter with each word that was said.  
  
„I didn’t know that you liked _bog-standard sex_.“  
  
„Uh, what’s that supposed to mean? I’ve never heard of that term.“, the professor chuckled and apparently scratched her forehead or something. Laura couldn’t tell.  
  
„It means… _Boring_.“, the student tried her best to explain what she meant.  
  
„ _Boring?_ “, the brunette repeated, „I assure you that sex with me isn’t boring.“, Carmilla’s voice suddenly had some uncertainty in it, „ _I think…?_ “, since when was she uncertain of herself?  
  
„ _Well, well, well, did I catch Carmilla Karnstein not being sure of herself?_ “, Laura smirked, still watching the dark haired woman’s silhouette. She had reached the entrance to the KFH dormitory.  
  
„Don’t get ahead of yourself. I am simply trying to keep that air of mystery thing up. Guess, you will have to find out for yourself, sweetheart.“  
  
„I will, don’t you worry about that. Sooner or later, _I will_ …“, the brunette breathed out loudly after that. Laura could see how Carmilla sat down on her chair, and finally entered her dorm. „What? Left you speechless?“  
  
„Hm. Always.“, the professor replied in a soft voice. No playfulness evident anymore.  
  
„I am almost in my room now, so… I’ll see you in class on Wednesday?“  
  
„Yeah, see you in class, sweetheart.“  
  
„Good night.“


	17. With Her Straw-Blonde Hair...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carm make plans on finding out, what's going on.  
> Carmilla realizes something about her relationship with Laura.  
>  ** _PG-13 is incredibly dull_** , so hopefully this chapter is not at all.
> 
> (wink)

Laura was feeling bad. She never had fought with her best friend. It was Thursday night (two days post-argument) already and the blonde was packing up the last of her things as she was going to leave for London soon. The student was glad that she was leaving Austria for a bit, flying back to the roots. Even though she still felt a little lousy for leaving Carmilla behind for Christmas.  
  
The amateur journalist was still also really looking forward to spending some time with her dad again. He’d been always so worked up with grieving about his wife around that time of the year and she was feeling needed in London. All the other 360 days she relied on him, but those were the ones she was really needed back home and that was a great feeling: To be able to give something back to the man, who spent most of his lifetime caring for her wellbeing.  
  
After Laura had packed up most of her stuff in her suitcase, she zipped it up and set it aside. The journalism student only had to make some last minute adjustments, before she was ready to go to bed. The following day would be the last day of university for her before winter break and she was looking forward to the days she would be having with her lover. She and her teacher agreed on spending together the weekend from Friday night to Sunday, because they wanted to have some alone-time together before she’d fly away for a week. Besides, she didn’t really have to meet her favorite redheaded friend (like she had thought), because they wouldn’t even reply to her messages.  
  
She just hoped that they would come around. _They had to_. LaFontaine was her best friend.  
  
…  
  
„… And _that’s_ my last word for this year! You all may go off to your vacation!“, Carmilla was standing in front of the 250 students that decided to show to the lecture on the last day before Christmas holidays started.  
  
After the large crowd had dissipated, the brunette’s eyes were searching through the big hall. Her girlfriend had promised to be there for once. And yes, said little blonde really was sitting there in the middle of the rows, beaming down at her. Rosy cheeks and dark blonde hair that seemed darker, because the light was dimmed. Carmilla let herself sink into those light brown eyes.

_How beautiful that girl was._

There was a strange feeling, lately, whenever she’d seen her favorite student. She couldn’t place it, but it certainly was new.  
  
  
  
„Professor Karnstein, I have a question!“, the blonde said rather loudly for everyone in her reach to hear (not that there were many people left, with vacations starting and all).  
  
When she was close enough to her teacher, she fished out a piece of paper from her bag and showed it to her. It was a blank page.  
  
„I need you to sign this…“, Laura looked around, the few people that were in the room, were already on their way out, „… Hey.“, she whispered, even though no one was paying enough attention to hear it anyways.  
  
Carmilla got to her blazer that was draped over a chair and pulled out her car keys.  
  
„Here, take this… I’ll be with you in a few minutes, just got to run to the copy machine real quick, you can wait in the car.“, the brunette said and handed over the keys (of course being careful of her surroundings too).  
  
„Thanks.“, Laura smiled and took them and tucked them away safely in her jacket pocket.  
  
„We’ll get your luggage tomorrow in the evening, if it’s okay for you? The campus will be dead by then pretty much.“  
  
„Yeah, I brought one outfit with me… And am hoping that you’ll lend me something to sleep in.“, the blonde was really happy that the long awaited vacation was here. Even though she had wished that her and LaF weren’t fighting. Laura just was looking forward to a nice weekend with her girlfriend to take off her mind from any negative things.  
  
  
  
Laura was sitting in the passenger’s seat of Carmilla’s car and staring into the distance, when the opening of the door brought her out of it.  
  
„Sorry, if I scared you.“, the brunette apologized and buckled herself up. She was panting lightly.  
  
„You didn’t have to rush.“, Laura handed her the keys she was holding on to.  
  
„I did, you have no idea… My colleagues are throwing a party for Christmas… And I did not want to attend that thing…“  
  
„Not the social person, huh?“, Carmilla started the engine and shot her lover a smile.  
  
„I can’t really see myself socializing with people that I have nothing in common with.“  
  
„ _You_ teach at Silas, _they_ teach at Silas, there you have it. Common ground.“  
  
The brunette only shook her head and rolled her eyes.

  
  
„I’d much rather go home and cook dinner with you, what do you say?“  
  
„You mean, you’ll let me help this time and not shoo me around?“  
  
„Honey, the last time was a date. You were only supposed to look pretty is all.“, Laura intertwined her fingers with the ones on the stick-shift.  
  
„ _Honey_.“, the blonde mimicked and sighed, „I would love to cook dinner with you.“

  
  
The rest of the car ride was rather quiet. Laura stared out of the window. She wasn’t really herself since the fight with LaF. The blonde didn’t know, why it bothered her so much, granted they were really good friends, but she figured it was more the things they had talked about. The student was dependent on antidepressants for a little over 1 year now. LaF was the only one, who knew, because they were the person that was there for her.

It was slowly starting to show. Laura was erratic, hectic and incredibly sad at times, and most of the days wouldn’t even attend class, which was the reason for her falling behind with her academics. At first they thought it was something petty, nothing worth talking about, but then they thought about it. It was becoming better, as she grew closer to Danny, but LaF still had kept an watchful eye on her, until they just decided to step in. Their godfather was a psychiatrist, so they one day suggested the blonde to get professional help. Talking was the key, they said.

Laura of course put up a fight, saying they were being completely irrational and out of place, but then the redhead found her lying outside in the pouring rain on a October night after a party -completely drunk- and decided that this couldn’t go on anymore. They had already seen her do worse things, but that added to the pile. LaFontaine only knew her for some weeks by then, but immediately was there to help. It was not a normal thing for a eighteen-year old to be thinking of jumping, whenever she was standing somewhere really high. It wasn’t healthy that sometimes she felt like that would be a relief. It was frightening. Laura even caught herself thinking death would be better than living. Telling herself that that was just a phase, until she saw that LaF was right. The journalism student wasn’t doing alright.  
  
Laura hadn’t told Danny about her condition, when she got together with her. Keeping secrets like that… And other things she did (or didn’t do) in their relationship ruined it in the end, she knew that. However she couldn’t tell Carmilla either. They were in such a good place now and she just couldn’t. Maybe one day... _But not yet_. She settled on one day. Yes. That was a good idea.  
  
Her medical records should not be the professor’s concern anyways. She was doing much better now, her grades were perfect, she had a perfect girlfriend and ruining all of that would only make herself feel bad. Laura knew herself the best after all (she really believed that). She probably was being selfish, but she had learnt to be in therapy. 

  
„Hey there, _beautiful_ , what is going on in that pretty head of yours?“, Carmilla asked, after she held open the car door for her girlfriend. Apparently they had been standing for a while.  
  
„Oh… Uh, sorry... I already told you that you don’t need to keep up the act and be all gentle(wo)man-ey with me. I can open my doors myself.“, the blonde got out of the car.  
  
„Clearly, but who said that I wanted to keep up an act? It’s not my fault that my girlfriend is _such a princess_.“, the dark haired beauty replied with a cocky smile.  
  
„Sure, whatever.“, the Laura chuckled and passed her lover to wait for her at the door to her apartment building. _Dodged that question like a pro._  
  
There could be neighbors watching them, and even though those had no idea, what their professional relationship was (or should be like) they didn’t need to know their private one. That’s why they both tried to carry everything that involved anything intimate inside.  
  
Not unlike that time.  
  
  
As soon as Carmilla had closed her apartment door behind her, her student pulled her in for a short kiss and breathed in a ‚Hey.‘.  
  
„ _Did someone miss me?_ “, there came that smug reply to Laura’s sweet gesture. The blonde shook her head smilingly and let go of her girlfriend.  
  
„I’m gonna watch an episode of Scandal now. I need that to calm down from the whole university stuff… Wanna watch with me?“, the student asked (as if Carmilla was going to say no), sitting down on the couch and pulling out her laptop. It was weird how at home she felt at Carmilla’s place. It sure was a nice apartment, but that was not the only appeal to that.

 _Maybe it was its owner that held the appeal…_  
  
„Of course, but I’m just gonna go take a quick shower, yeah? Then you can show me what that series is about.“, the brunette got out of her blazer and went through the doorway of her bedroom. Laura watched her from the couch, until she saw how Carmilla unbuttoned her shirt and let it slide down her slender arms and immediately averted her gaze to the screen of her laptop.  
  
„ _God why is she so hot?_ “  
  
…  
  
Laura was about to cut up some mushrooms and her girlfriend was rummaging around in a kitchen cupboard in search for pasta, because they had decided to make a vegetable dish with noodles. The blonde watched Carmilla, how she was concentrating hard on thinking about the place, where she had put them. She constantly licked over her lips or sucked them in. That was something she did, when deeply in her thoughts. The brunette caught her lover staring at her. (Of course she did.)  
  
„ _That’s_ why you are not allowed in the kitchen.“, Carmilla said and raised her eyebrows in disapproval, with a hint of a smirk.  
  
„ _What_ are you talking about?“  
  
„You’re supposed to cut them, sweetheart.“, the brunette placed her head on the student’s shoulder and observed her progress: _namely none_. Her hands were sneaking in from behind and placed themselves miraculously on the one’s of the amateur journalist. „See… _That’s_ what I wanna see you do…“, she said in a low voice and cut the giant fungi (they were really big that season for some reason...).  
  
Laura turned her head a little and placed a kiss on Carmilla’s neck, causing her to draw in a sharp breath. The blonde smiled, fully satisfied that she could get such a reaction and averted her gaze to the mushrooms in front of her again.  
  
„You can let me do this now, I promise I won’t get distracted again.“  
  
„Sure you won’t.“, a raspy voice and a heartwarming chuckle and Laura was released from her girlfriend’s grip on her hands.  
  
The blonde needed whole 15 minutes to cut up that damn vegetable and the mushrooms. She was caught staring 6 times in the procedure of it. Her girlfriend then decided to finish up her work by herself after another 5 minutes of drooling.  
  
  
  
„I think I gained weight since I know you, because eating is all we do.“, Laura noticed, while she placed the last plate into the dishwasher.  
  
„You’re exaggerating.“, Carmilla shook her head, held her student’s wrist captured and dragged her along to the couch.  
  
„No really, I’ve gotten chubby… Just look at me.“, the blonde pointed to her head and made the most disgusting face she could and showed off her (fake) double chin(s). Both sat down on the sofa and Carmilla watched her in amusement.  
  
_Silly girl, don’t make me fall in love with you more than I already am_.  
  
**  
What?**

 

No, Carmilla wasn’t falling at all. She was totally, steadily and evenly on the ground. Far from falling. Not even stumbling.  
  
„And here I am, still thinking you’re beautiful.“, the brunette leaned the small of her back smoothly on the armrest and placed her legs on Laura’s crossed ones on the couch. Yeah, she was so cool. The professor wasn’t someone, who fell. Who the hell fell in love with someone after knowing them for 2 months? Okay, granted, a lot of people do. Love in the modern world was something Carmilla still hadn’t quite figured out.

Besides, Carmilla was doing a great job at avoiding it. How could the dark haired woman fall in love, if she didn't even have the slightest idea, what that meant anymore or after having her heart torn apart by Ell? She was pretty sure, she would never want to experience something resembling to that again.  
  
Carmilla had a TV remote in her hands and was about to turn on that thing, when her student stopped her.  
  
„Could we not watch TV tonight?“, the amateur journalist asked.  
  
„Of course, what do you want to do instead?“, the professor sat up a bit, still with her legs in Laura’s lap, who was absentmindedly stroking them up and down. The brunette could feel her girlfriend’s fingers through the fabric of her jeans. That was something…  
  
„Maybe we could talk? Because we haven’t really talked about what you are going to do about the whole thing with your mother and Ell… I have been avoiding this as much as I can, because I am not fond with the situation… Your ex being in town… But I don’t think we should ignore it completely, because obviously something big is up… And I don’t want you to think that you can’t talk to me about it.“ Laura’s ramble mode on? Check.  
  
„I know… And I actually was thinking about paying Ell a visit.“, Carmilla murmured. She was afraid, if she were to tell Laura, what she was planning on doing, the blonde would burst out in jealousy. The tiny human seemed to take it quite okay this time though.  
  
„You are? When?“  
  
„Don’t know… When you are gone for London… I have been toying with the idea, but I don’t know if it would be good to go there.“  
  
„I personally think you should invite her somewhere neutral instead… Like a restaurant or something.“, Laura said, not meeting her lover’s eyes. She didn’t like the idea, but the sooner Carmilla was done with _her_ , the sooner she wouldn’t have to think about _her_ anymore. Why was it bothering her so much? She thought about it for some time. _Carmilla was important to her._ That was the reason for Laura to not be fond of Ell. How could the amateur journalist like someone, who had broken her current girlfriend’s heart and now apparently was in cahoots with her mother (who also had ruined their relationship somehow...). Complicated shit alltogether, to say the least.

  
„Are you okay with this?“, the professor asked her student, tentatively placing her hand on her shoulder and the touch made the blonde look in her direction.  
  
„No, not really, if I am honest, but not because I am jealous. It’s just that I don’t want you to be hurt. Whatever is up... I think you won’t like it.“ Why would the dean hide something from her own daughter, if it wasn’t bad? Laura knew that she was right, unfortunately.  
  
„So you are convinced that it is something bad.“, the dark haired woman breathed out. It was not like she hadn’t thought about it too.  
  
„I never thought otherwise, to be honest. I just hoped… We need to work towards this. Maybe you’ll consider breaking into her offi-“  
  
„ _Laura, no_ …“, the brunette shook her head, but then something came to her mind, „ _My mother_ … She’ll be gone over Christmas break… I mean, I don’t even know, how to confront Ell without really being able to say, how or why I know she’s been in touch with my mother... Maybe I’ll start with my mother first, get any information I can gather... Evidence of their contact maybe or something else...“, the blonde looked at her in confusion, „Well, I mean… I know where she lives… And I might just have a spare key lying around in my kitchen drawers to the house I spent my childhood in? And she already offered me to stay there… So maybe I could sneak into her study and-“  
  
„Oh! You can’t do this without me though!“, Laura protested. _Too eagerly._  
  
„Uhm… Well… My mother will be away until the 30th… You are getting back on the 27th… That leaves us enough time to go search through her stuff… If you insist on it so much.“  
  
„Deal, that will be entirely too cool! Plus, I get to see, where Carmilla Karnstein grew up!“  
  
„You are adorable… A little crazy… And the image of you hiding in toilet stalls still hasn’t left my memory…“, the brunette nodded her head as if she was agreeing with her own statement (why else would she say that), „… But really adorable… In a crazy way.“, Carmilla sat up straight and leaned in to kiss her lover shortly on the lips. Laura was caught in surprise, but after the dark haired woman released her lips, she stopped her, and pulled her in close again by placing a hand on her neck.  
  
„People tend to say that about me, yeah.“, Laura whispered, before engaging her girlfriend in another lip-lock.  
  
Carmilla followed her silent orders and soon she had her hands on the blonde’s back, pressing her closer to her own body, her legs were not on Laura’s lap anymore. The blonde leaned forwards, until her professor couldn’t keep sitting straight anymore, she got the hint. _Sigh!_ Another make out session on that couch. The last one gave her back pain, but there were many things she would do for that Hollis girl. Okay, maybe she was feeling a little something for Laura. Maybe _liking_ that tiny blonde. Like a lot. _Adore_ Laura, yes of course. Generally just _enjoying her company_. The brunette smacked herself internally. Why was she still thinking about this?  
  
Carmilla’s head was resting on the armrest, when her lover slowly hovered above her and looked down at the brunette. There was something in those -usually- honey brown irises. They were dark and held Carmilla’s eyes captive. The stare was too intent for the teacher to bear.  
  
„What is it…?“, Carmilla asked, running her hand through Laura’s straw-blonde hair, pushing them off her a little, to get a better view at her face. Did Laura always have eyes that pretty? Could eyes be even described as pretty?

  
  
„I think I never told you…“, the blonde knit her brows, when she started speaking and turned her gaze to her girlfriend’s lips.  
  
„Told me what?“, Carmilla was (unconsciously) licking her lips again.  
  
„That you are a goddess…“, Laura shook her head slightly, and frowned continuing, „That you took my breath away the first night we met, when you leaned in and I thought you were about to kiss me…“  
  
„You really thought that…?“, Carmilla’s voice was soft and in a higher pitch than normal, she was nervous, „Would you… _Would you have liked it?_ “  
  
The blonde smirked slightly and locked eyes with the woman beneath her.  
  
„You have no idea, how much I would have liked it.“  
  
That one took away the professor’s breath. The intense stare, the sincere words. That was all too much for her.  
  
Silence filled up the room, both reminiscing, caught up in the moment, thinking back to the night.  
  
„And even though _you_ of all people - _you_ , the person, who turned me down because of principles and because you thought you were protecting me- you are also the one that gave me the most freedom of all the people that are in my life. When you finally stopped hiding and being adherent to principles and followed your guts... I feel free with you in a way that I cannot even describe.“, the student stated, as if it had been the easiest thing to say. The words were honest.  
  
Carmilla was about to say something, but Laura wouldn’t have it, she instead pinched her chin and shook her head.  
  
„You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know. I like spending time with you, Carmilla. I like being with you. Even, if it is not something we call out to the world. I like us, and how we are, I like being in this _rather unconventional_ relationship with you.“ Laura smiled shyly and leaned down slowly to kiss her girlfriend, in a way, she never had kissed anyone before. It was like she was a 16 year old teenager again, who had never done that before. Her lips were gently tugging at the ones beneath her, taking enough time, giving enough time for the brunette to get accustomed to her. After that ended, the student leaned back again, still with closed eyes, Carmilla was the one that brought her back, when her thumb grazed her cheekbone.  
  
The professor was looking up to her, with… What was that? Deep adoration? Laura had never seen that expression on her lover, but was sure that that wasn’t going to be the only ‚ _first time_ ‘ that night for them.

  
„Come to bed with me.“, the student suddenly said after exhaling deeply, her serious expression still not faltering, a gentle smile decorating her lips. As Laura waited for a reply, she bit on her lip.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes darted between the one’s of her girlfriend, seeking for something she wouldn’t be able to find there, because she already knew it.

This meant exactly, what she was thinking. No misunderstanding whatsoever. Crystal clear for even blind people to see. This was it, it was the perfect night, it was the perfect timing.  
  
The brunette propped herself up a bit (she couldn’t fully, because Laura was still lying on top of her) and kissed the girl fiercely, drawing in a sharp breath, when their tongues met. The student (satisfied with the physical answer instead of a verbal one) finally leaned on to the arms that were placed beside Carmilla’s torso and was slowly rising up -not wanting to break the kiss. She had managed to stand next to the couch somehow, bending down and still not leaning away from the lip-lock. Carmilla didn’t mind, she was rising up with her, with her hands roaming around Laura’s locks on the nape of her neck, just where her hairline ended.  
  
They came to a halt, foreheads touching, being in each other’s space, breathing in each other’s scent. Carmilla cast her lover one last expecting look, which was rewarded by a simple nod. Brilliant, how they could interact without words. The brunette however didn’t need to be told twice. She kissed Laura fiercely and with more ardency than before, slowly stepping backwards towards her bedroom.  
  
The couple made it safely into the bedroom without knocking anything over, Laura now being the one to walk backwards slowly (stopping after almost every single step). Carmilla’s hands were a steadying instance on Laura’s lower back and there to press her against her, whenever the amateur journalist decided to get too far away (she was rooting for the bed after all). The light of the street lamps were shimmering through the small gap the curtains had in-between them. The bedroom wasn’t lit, only cast in the subtle shimmer of light.  
  
Carmilla was the first one to pull away, when they had reached the center of her bedroom, due to shortage of oxygen. Her lover too was grateful for the short pause too, they relished their embrace, Laura stroking up her girlfriend’s biceps, feeling the goosebumps all over the place -at least, where she touched. She smiled at the effect she had on the dark haired mystery lady.  
  
Yes, she still was a mystery to her. A mystery, she would just be too pleased to solve. But then again, _where would be the fun in that_?  
  
Laura took ahold of Carmilla’s hand and led her to the edge of the bed, motioning her to sit down. The brunette obliged and looked straight up to her lover’s eyes. Even in the dark she could see the desire in them, the desire and genuine attentiveness the blonde held in them. She wanted to engrave that moment in her mind forever, that was how Laura had explained that expression on her face only some days ago.  
  
The blonde bent down a little and engaged her girlfriend in some short kisses, while her hands sneaked under the hem of Carmilla’s t-shirt and curled it up with every inch that it was moved up. The brunette got the hint and raised her arms for the other woman to strip it off, and gone was that piece of clothing.  
  
Carmilla pulled her girlfriend onto her lap and indulged into another heated lip-lock, when Laura was (sneakily) approaching the hooks of her bra.  
  
„Ah, ah, ah…“, the teacher breathed into the kiss, „Easy, sweetheart, _we’ve got the whole night_.“, at that the blonde melted away.  
  
  
After another long stare with those intense eyes that suddenly were on Laura’s face, she pushed her lover into the mattress, straddling Carmilla and hovering above her just like minutes ago on the couch.  
  
„Budge up.“, the journalism student ordered in a low, raspy voice. The brunette’s eyebrows were risen, seeing the lust in the girl’s eyes above her. _What was happening now?_  
  
„What?“, the poor professor had a hard time understanding her lover’s strange usage of words sometimes (probably her looking at her, like she was prey was distracting too...).  
  
Laura huffed out a breath and chuckled, „Move to the center of the bed, Carm.“  
  
  
Carmilla complied, since the beginning of the night now… **Ew** , she never had been like _this_. She always was the dominant, leading woman in her sexual encounters. But why the hell did she let her girlfriend rule her now? Because Laura was sexy as hell, when she did that. Her voice was lower than usual, with her eyes so dark. Carmilla couldn’t stand the look for too long though, because it was that intense. It was, as if she would eat her alive, right in that moment.  
  
The professor didn’t want to be treated like a pillow princess though, so she followed up her girlfriend, pulled her down, kissed her, and also somehow managed to discard the blonde’s top in-between heated lip-locks. Their half-naked bodies were touching for the first time and Carmilla also remembered that she’d never seen Laura’s bare torso. She flipped positions with her girlfriend, who was confused for a moment, but didn’t complain.  
  
Carmilla hovered above her, centimeters parting their lips, but she didn’t give in. She instead let her gaze wander onto Laura’s body. Her collarbone that was more pronounced due to her sharp drawings of hectic breaths. Carmilla observed the quick rise and fall of her girlfriend’s ribcage, the way her delicate skin clung to the ribs and made them stick out. She was a little skinnier than the professor had primarily thought (the blonde always wore those loose long-sleeved, shirts and sweaters). Laura’s rant about how she had gained weight, while with her were complete nonsense. She was almost…  
  
  
„What are you doing? Kiss me.“, a voice brought her out of her thoughts.  
  
The brunette only cast Laura a smile and leaned in to kiss her lover already. Laura was really thankful for that. She was feeling uncomfortable, having Carmilla look down at her that way. She wasn’t very fond of people staring at her imperfections for too long.  
  
Laura was the one in control again, when she took advantage of Carmilla being a little distracted and somehow she found herself on her girlfriend, nipping away on her neck, leaving chaste kisses here and there, moving further down…  
  
A weird knot formed in Carmilla’s stomach, when Laura’s lips reached the bridge that connected the cups of her bra. The blonde slid a finger under it, holding it up a bit, to place a kiss there. Laura wanted that thing to come off already, but she didn’t want to seem too eager (being the one, who was stopped before and all).  
  
However the brunette was complaisant enough and arched up, reaching back and unclasping her own bra with her left hand, leaving the straps hanging loosely on her shoulders. Laura was a bit surprised, but then after she met Carmilla’s eyes, she slowly started to brush the straps off, discarding the lacy undergarment onto the floor. Her eyes flickered shortly down the professor’s bare breasts, but only for a second. Her gaze was held captive by the dark haired woman’s irises.  
  
Carmilla bit her lip tensely. Why the hell was she nervous? She’d had sex before, with a myriad amount of girls, but never had she been so self-conscious. Her gaze fell on to the distance behind Laura’s head, she couldn’t bear seeing the look on her student’s face. Laura was taking her in, all of her.  
  
_What was happening to Carmilla?_

  
Laura’s face turned red, she was sure, because there was heat forming everywhere in her body. She was just grateful that the bedroom was so dark, so that the brunette wouldn’t be able to see it. She was brought out of her thoughts, when she felt her lover working on the button of her pants. The blonde looked down to the hands that were successful in unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans, but they stopped in their tracks. Laura quickly locked eyes with the woman that she was straddling and nodded a silent approval.  
  
Carmilla jerked up and her girlfriend was caught by surprise, as she fell back onto the mattress between her girlfriend’s parted legs and suddenly her own were where the brunette had her hands. Carmilla slid off the pants, along with Laura’s socks and there she was, in her underwear.  
  
It didn’t need much time for the brunette to be back on top of her girl again, locking lips, her hunger now driving her. Seeing Laura almost naked… She wanted to rip all of the other not needed clothing off her already. Carmilla’s tongue was tracing the student’s jaw, when she felt hands grabbing her breasts and massaging them gently.  
  
_Oh right_ , she wasn’t wearing her bra anymore.  
  
She moaned and clawed her hands into the bare skin on Laura’s shoulders, holding her in place, while kissing along her neck, the curve of her chest, right before her bra wouldn’t let her get any further, all the way down to Laura’s stomach, when she couldn’t feel the hands of her girlfriend on her breasts anymore, but instead tangling in her dark locks, holding Carmilla close to her own body.  
  
The dark haired woman planted wet kisses on either side of Laura’s hipbones and slid her thumbs into her panties, moving them down a little, when she was stopped. The blonde brought her back up to her to meet her lips and slowly roamed around the brunette’s bare torso, down her back, digging her fingernails into the skin, when Carmilla slid her tongue into her mouth. Both hummed in delight.  
  
Laura unbuttoned the brunette’s jeans and gestured her silently to get rid off the pants, which the dark haired beauty somehow managed to do without really needing to break the kiss (even though it got a little messy). The blonde bit down gently on her lover’s lips, tugging her closer, every time Carmilla was about to break away. They shared some sloppy kisses, until the older woman finally got rid of the student’s bra, leaving her in only her panties, not so unlike her own self…  
  
Both brought themselves to a standstill, fully acknowledging that this was happening. Laura locked eyes with the woman on top of her, who after a short moment of staring let her gaze wander down Laura’s now completely naked torso. She was beautiful. A goddess. When Laura had called her that before, she had meant it, but was she even able to see, what Carmilla saw in her?  
  
There she was. The blonde was fully giving herself up to her. Carmilla’d never payed so much attention to someone, while sleeping with them. She’d get it over with. Fucking someone was a routine. In and out, she knew the drill. Some girls had some extra wishes in bed, but it was almost always the same. She’d perfected her technique, having enough experience, but it didn’t help her with Laura. The blonde was not another one of her conquests, she was... It felt like sleeping with someone for the first time.  
  
Carmilla was a virgin, when it came to Laura.  
  
Why was it so different though?  
  
Seeing Laura like this, almost fully unclothed, just for her to take was just a whole other story to her. A story nobody had written out for her. Carmilla would have to write it herself.  
Laura was hers fully. Not some random girl, who would hit it off with someone else the next day. She’d stay the next day. And the day after. And Carmilla’d be lucky enough to do it again and again.

Her body was hers to …  
  
Right then she realized fully, and admitted it to herself.  
  
_Her body was hers to **love**._ She was in love. She’d fallen in love with her student.  
  
Laura took Carmilla’s hesitance as an opportunity to turn them over once again (what a fight for dominance that night was), rising up from the bed, leaving her lover in slight confusion. Carmilla propped herself up a little, watching the girl -she was almost about to complain- when the blonde suddenly took off the last piece of clothing that clung to her wonderful, perfect body. The woman in dark hair forgot to breathe for a moment.  
  
The brunette was admiring how smoothly Laura had done it, in one single motion, without stumbling or anything (like she would have expected her nerdy girlfriend to be in bed, but she _loved_ that new facet about her, her versatility…).  
  
_Yes she **loved** her_. And it was terrifying, but also so heartwarming.  
  
Carmilla then felt two rather cold hands on her hipbones, causing her to take a sharp intake of breath, because that was her weak spot. Laura was smiling mischievously and traced the waistband of her girlfriend’s underwear, until deciding to take them off. Again, in a really sleek motion.  
  
In yet another smooth movement, Laura was on top of Carmilla again. Both relishing the feeling of bare bodies on each other. Sharp intake of breaths for both of them.

  
„Hey…“, the blonde whispered into the dim room and met dark eyes that were looking up to her, with such an adoration… She didn’t know that it was love that was mirrored in those irises.

 _Love only for her. Love unfelt, until the dark haired, brooding professor met the nerdy student._  
  
Carmilla engaged her girlfriend into a series of ardent kisses, each getting more heated than the one before, hands were roaming around, groping skin, fisting hair… Heavy panting filling the else quiet room.  
  
The blonde was a little bold, when she just out of nowhere dipped her fingers into the pool of silky wetness that was found between the dark haired woman’s legs. Carmilla breathed out unevenly, when she felt Laura’s fingers hitting her most sensitive spot and slowly circling it. The student was kissing a path on the brunette’s neck, like it was laid out only for her.  
  
Laura was moving delicately slow, making sure to cover every single shred of skin with her lips, when she went further south. (She had retreated her fingers from where Carmilla actually needed them the most right now, spreading the wetness on her stomach, when she stroked Carmilla’s skin there.)  
  
The sounds that escaped her lover’s lips, when Laura hit a certain spot or bit a little more aggressively than the time before, made the blonde smirk every time. She hadn’t imagined the sounds to satisfy her that much. Her imaginations from some days ago hadn’t done those heavenly moans any justice. She was turned on by how much she could turn on the dark haired woman beneath her.  
  
With every inch that she got closer to her girlfriend’s center with her mouth, she felt how Carmilla’s body tensed up. The student took in a hardened nipple in-between her teeth, gently tugging, and then sucking on it, while her right hand was working the other breast, before switching position and giving equally as much attention to the other.  
  
Laura drove a hand through her hair that was falling like a curtain and blocked the view of Carmilla looking down at her, and when she caught said woman staring at her, a smirk started to show yet again. The brunette felt like orgasming only from the seductive stare she was receiving from Laura. That girl made her crazy. She couldn’t contain herself from exhaling deeply.  
  
The blonde provocatively licked over the spot on Carmilla’s stomach -still in eye-contact- where she had spread her lover’s wetness on, tasting her for the first time. Laura did that thing that the brunette caught onto, on the first night she met her. She was rubbing her tongue against the insides of her cheeks, as if to take in the whole taste and that was just…  
  
Carmilla fell back onto the mattress, not being able to take in the sight of that sex goddess in front of her anymore, and closed her eyes tightly. That was probably her biggest mistake (or not, either way…), because now she was feeling everything more intently than before.  
  
The way Laura’s breath tickled her, the way her tongue met her skin in a soothing way after her teeth had been a little rough with a certain spot on her body. The blonde found out that night that Carmilla wasn’t ticklish on her hipbones, no, it was - _beside her clit_ \- the most sensitive location on her lower body.  
  
A smooth tongue was licking it’s way down Carmilla’s abdomen, her breathing hadn’t been steady for a while now, moaning and heavy panting mixed within that. The blonde peppered Carmilla’s inner thighs with open mouthed kisses, hearing sounds of pleasure and approval from her lover was her reward.  
  
And then finally, Laura’s lips met the brunette’s lips. _The lower ones._ She placed a chaste kiss on her girlfriend’s center, smirking slightly, when she felt Carmilla’s hand clutching hers, which was placed on her hipbone. Laura bended Carmilla’s right leg and slid her left arm under it, to hold herself in position. Her head was resting on the brunette’s thigh, when said woman looked down at her once again.  
  
The blonde had waited for that, because she wanted to look Carmilla in the eyes, when she…  
  
  
Carmilla suddenly felt a slow finger smoothly playing around her entrance. Laura’s now dark eyes were burning through Carmilla’s soul. The journalism student cocked an eyebrow, as the brunette moaned loudly, biting down on the back of her hand, which was clutching Laura’s free one seconds ago. Was that so agonizing? The wetness made it almost impossible for Laura not to just want to dip her fingers into her girlfriend - _no, she could be patient now._ She was rather keen on finding out, how long Carmilla would endure her torturous path.  
  
  
„Laura…“, a pleading voice. _Ah, something around 10 seconds._  
  
The blonde knew, what that meant, but she still wasn’t doing anything about it. Her girlfriend was completely losing it in front of her. _Carmilla_ -freaking- _Karnstein_ was open like a book to her, demanding what she wanted, even though it was hard for her to form coherent sentences.  
  
„Come again?“, Laura’s playful voice, mixed with a low tone was just too much.  
  
Carmilla was on edge, she propped herself up on her elbows, „ _Again?_ You won’t even let me _once_.“  
  
Laura caught onto the smooth wordplay, chuckling because of it and slightly shook her head. _How impatient._ However, she decided that she had teased the dark haired woman beneath her enough, so it happened that Carmilla suddenly felt a certain something accompanying her wetness. The student’s swift tongue was working through silky folds, it knew it’s way. The blonde was awfully good with whatever heavenly thing she was doing between her legs. Carmilla’s clit was getting just the right amount of attention and she secretly wondered, how Laura exactly knew, what she liked.  
  
The brunette had her eyes tightly shut and was laying on her back again, concentrating on Laura, and Laura only. She felt her girlfriend hum slightly. It sent vibrations through her whole core, was that intentional? Whatever that was, it was too much to bear, because the older woman felt her orgasm slowly building up. She was close. Just needed a little push to be able to jump off the edge.  
  
That had never happened to her. She had never felt like this only from oral sex.  
  
Her breathing got stuck in her lungs, her back arched, her whole body stiffened. The moans became louder, she was trying to say something, but wasn’t able to, her mind going blank.  
  
And then Carmilla felt two fingers slide inside her, ever so smoothly, hitting her hard for the first time and she was done. She felt the high and the low, whereas Laura in contrast felt the tightness of Carmilla’s inner walls and smiled to herself (clueless to the fact that, what she was doing now was a lost cause...). The blonde moved her hand a little faster, in and out in a steady rhythm. More wetness was pooling out of her lover, and oh, how that turned her on…  
  
The brunette panted more irregular than before, propping herself up a bit, her hand blindly searching for Laura’s free one and when she had found it, she clutched it, as if her life depended on it.  
  
„Oh god…“, she breathed out, „You’ve got to stop _that…_ “  
  
Laura did as she was told, casting her a confused look. _Had she done something wrong?_  
  
„Kiss me.“, Carmilla ordered. It was a little odd to the blonde as to why Carmilla told her to stop in the midst of- _But whatever._ She complied and moved up to kiss her girlfriend, retreating her fingers from the wet folds and unconsciously wiping them in the pristine white sheets.  
  
Oh well, _that’s_ why you shouldn’t use white bedding, because after that night, it sure wouldn’t stay white.  
  
Carmilla tasted herself on Laura’s lips and moaned into her mouth. She wasn’t really able to use her lips properly, as her orgasm was still washing over her whole body, the kisses turned out sloppy and wet. Laura’s chin was still covered with her…  
  
„Why’d you tell me to stop?“, Laura wanted to know, when breaking apart for a bit and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Carmilla needed a moment to steady herself, she moved away lose strands of hair from her girlfriend’s face and cradled her head with her hands, staring intently into those honey-colored eyes, which were now nothing but dark..  
  
„Sweetheart, do you want to kill me?“, the brunette finally panted out (still not evenly breathing).  
  
„I…“, Laura looked at her in confusion, until she put one and one together, „Wait _… Did you…_?“ _Come._  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went wide. **Wasn’t that obvious???**  
  
„ _Yes_.“, she responded curtly. A little embarrassed too, maybe.  
  
„Oh.“, the student looked intently into those dark eyes, „That’s... That’s uh, good.“ _And pretty fast_ , Laura added mentally, but she didn’t mind, not at all. That meant it was good, right? Oh my god, what if she’d done a horrible job?  
  
There she was. _Laura Hollis, Ms. Insecurity #1._  
  
„I assure you, it was… _More than good_.“, came back the response in a raspy, low voice, with more steady breaths. Carmilla was finally recovering again.  
  
There she was. _Carmilla Karnstein, Professional Smug #1._

How fast the tables had turned again...  
  
  
  
Laura moved beside Carmilla, leaning her head onto her hand, lying sidewards and facing her lover, simply staring at her. She did this. She made the brunette gasp for air.

 _She made her come undone to her touch..._ And that was a great feeling. She was the cause of this...  
  
Carmilla mirrored her lover’s position, also propping herself up onto her arm, tracing Laura’s clavicle with her left index finger. After a while she dared to look into her girlfriend’s eyes.  
  
They didn’t say anything to each other. The silence in the room wasn’t awkward or weird at all.  
  
It was just two people, taking one another in, realizing what happened between them.  
  
_I love you._  
  
Carmilla knew that she couldn’t say those words now. Not that she wasn’t able to, but because Laura wasn’t ready to hear them. She knew about the blonde’s problems with getting too committed too soon, and she could relate to that. She was in a way like that too. Or had been that way. She didn’t like to get attached to anyone.  
  
However with Laura… She knew now. _She was sure_. _She was certain_. **_She was absolutely convinced of it._**  
  
_She loved her._

 

  
„What are you thinking?“, Laura wanted to know, as if she could read her mind.  
  
„Just…“, Carmilla slightly dipped her head, and took ahold of her lover’s right hand, placing a sweet, lingering kiss on the back of it, „You are beautiful…“, she chuckled and shook her head, „And don’t think, I am only saying that now, because you are here, naked in front of me. I mean everything about you is beautiful. Your eyes. Your lips. The way you smiled at me just some minutes ago. And your nerdy behavior, when you really want to impress me in class… _I love_ , when you do that… And _I love_ when we come home… Well, I mean _here_ and you kiss me for the first time after a long time, I just…“, the brunette noticed that she could go on for hours -not knowing, if Laura would want to hear the endless hails on her- so she tried to keep it short, „Any other word I would use, wouldn’t do you justice, so yeah, I pick beautiful to describe you. _Simply beautiful_.“  
  
And pretty. Cute. Smart. Funny. Sexy. Charming. Witty. Hot. Goofy. Gorgeous. Sarcastic at times, for sure. Lovely. Adorable. Wonderful. **_Perfect._**  
  
Laura smiled shyly. There was no blonde seductress to be found in her anymore. She genuinely was smiling in that goofy way that made Carmilla’s heart swell up in her chest. _Oh god, how she loved her and that smile was to die for._ She was so screwed. Carmilla wanted to scream it from the rooftops, write it out in the sky for her, profess it to her through a megaphone. That’s how much she felt it right in that moment.  
  
  
_And because she couldn’t say it out loud, she decided on acting on it..._  
  
  
Carmilla leaned in, slowly, leaving Laura all the time to get accustomed to her proximity. She breathed in the scent of her, her cherry shampoo and something else, she couldn’t put a finger on. She’d never realized so many things at once about the blonde.  
  
_Was that how one feels, when in love?_  
  
Carmilla would know now, how to describe that feeling. All those years, when she thought she’d loved Ell, it all felt like a lie now.  
With Ell she just needed her, because she had told her so, because she convinced her that only she could love Carmilla like that.  
And with Laura? The brunette didn’t even need to know that the feelings were mutual, but fully was giving away her own heart.  
  
The dark haired woman met Laura’s lips with her own, the blonde immediately gave into the lip-lock. Her tongue darted out, when Carmilla covered it with her mouth, elegantly gliding her own against hers. Carmilla tightly closed her eyes, relishing that moment. She knew now, what the blonde was doing, when ,engraving a moment’ into her mind, because that was, what she was planning on doing now.  
  
  
A hand found its place on the student’s hip, softly pushing her down onto the mattress, to lie on her back…  
  
  
_In that night Carmilla learnt, where on Laura’s neck she could get the most response._  
_The brunette found out, where to exactly kiss her girlfriend on her costal arch, to elicit a certain type of moan._  
_The dark haired woman spotted the three little moles right under her left chest in a shape of a triangle and the one on her inner thigh._  
  
  
_And she fell in love with all those little things she closely had paid attention to._  
  
_For the first time Carmilla made love to someone. She made love to Laura.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite of my highest efforts, don't forget that English isn't my 1st language.
> 
> Complain to me over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	18. ... She'll Be The Death Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura leaves for London.  
> Carm has an encounter with a certain someone.  
> The brunette finds out more about Laura's past... Bits and pieces y'all.

Laura was lying in bed, tangled in a white, light blanket, with straw-blonde locks sprawled onto the pillow and she was staring up to the ceiling. Absentmindedly her right hand was playing with her own hair. A content smile decorating her lips.  
  
When Carmilla came back from the bathroom, clothed in a light dressing gown made of a silky fabric, she stopped in her tracks, to just look at her girlfriend. Her eyes must have held all the adoration there was for her lover, because god, that girl was beautiful.  
  
The sunlight that was crawling through the gap in the curtain, illuminating only the upper half of Laura’s face, which made her eyes more golden than they already were. Her hair was strewn all over the pillow, which she was lying on, some strands were shining golden because of the light too. _Angelic creature._ That was what Carmilla had thought of her on the first night she had met her. Now she knew for sure. _Yes, angelic indeed_. With the devil slumbering inside. How could such a precious creature turn into that sinful seductress in bed?  
  
Oh, how Carmilla loved that about Laura. How she loved her even more now. Every little piece the blonde had shown her the night before.  
  
Every single shred loved even more.  
  
_Yup, she still loved her._ Still screwed.  
  
„You are incredibly beautiful, you know that?“, Carmilla let out, only for the girl in bed to hear. Laura didn’t turn to look at her girlfriend, but hummed softly.  
  
„I’m pretty sure, you have told me about 100 times _since last night_ …“, the student responded and smiled, showing off her pearly white teeth, „…But I like to hear it… So… I don’t mind, if you remind me all the time.“, a shy smile accompanying her words.  
  
„I will. _E_ _very single day_.“, at that Laura met Carmilla’s gaze and saw that she had meant that.  
  
It was a promise. Was it wise to promise someone such a thing? That didn’t matter.  
  
Laura sat up in bed, holding up the blanket to cover her naked front, and leaned forwards a little, stretching. Her spine (which therefore uncovered) became visible through her soft skin and the brunette wished she was in bed with her that moment, so that she would be able to kiss every vertebra she could feel under her lips.  
  
„Carm, do you mind handing me my shirt? I need to use the bathroom real quick.“, the professor’s heart skipped a beat at that sentence, or rather the voice it was said in, because it sounded so soft and low.  
  
Did something like ‚after-sex-voice‘ exist? If so, then yes, _that_ was the sound of it.  
  
„You don’t need a shirt. I’ve already seen you naked.“, the teacher smirked at the girl in her bed. What a cliché dialogue that was. _And I love every single part of you_ , she added mentally.  
  
Laura’s eye fell to the picture of Carmilla’s dad and the brunette understood immediately.  
  
„Oh Laura, it’s just a picture, don’t be ridiculous.“, the dark haired woman shook her head slightly.  
  
„I know, but I still don’t wanna be disrespectful.“  
  
„You had sex with me not so long ago, in that very bed, where he could have - _not that he can_ \- seen you fu-“  
  
„Shh!!!“, Laura interrupted her girlfriend from saying _that_ word, „Besides, it was dark, when we... _Slept together_.“ A much better choice of words.  
  
„Oh god!“, Carmilla groaned, but then she had an idea, „Fine, don’t move, I’ll get you something from my closet.“, Laura didn’t see the need of her lover to go find something in her wardrobe for her, but she went with it.  
  
  
  
Carmilla came back with a grey hoodie that she held to her chest. She smiled, as Laura reached out her hand to take the piece of clothing, but the brunette sat down beside her on the edge of the bed with her back to Laura and eyed it, not giving it to her yet.  
  
„Carm, I really have to pee.“, Laura said and traced Carmilla’s shoulder-blades to get her attention.  
  
„I just… Do you remember the talk we had about universities, and when you thought that that Berkeley shirt was mi-“, she was interrupted.  
  
„We’ve just had…“, Laura’s eye fell to Matthias’ picture again and she lowered her voice to a whisper, „We had sex for the first time only some hours ago, and you are starting to talk about your hook-ups now?“  
  
„No, that’s not where I was going with it… I mean…“, Carmilla handed Laura the hoodie and said blonde eyed it, reading the name that was on the piece of clothing. It was yet another college merch.  
  
„Carmilla! I won’t wear some random college girl’s clothes!“  
  
„Too bad, because it’s _mine_ , smartass… And I don’t think I am some random college girl either…“, the brunette cocked an eyebrow, and tried to grab her hoodie again, but was stopped.  
  
„That’s… _That’s yours?_ … So, you went to Columbia?“, the blonde asked eagerly, eying the piece of clothing thoroughly.  
  
New piece of information to the puzzle _Carmilla Karnstein_. She had been waiting for that revelation for far too long. (Okay, a little over a week, but still…). Although she was sure she would have found it out, if she had researched for it (she had to write an article about her professor after all). However that was the point. She didn’t have to beg for the answer. Or make it about an interview or an article.  
  
„How did you figure that out?“, Carmilla mocked and rolled her eyes.  
  
„That’s…“, Laura stretched the hoodie out in front of her and traced the letters, she looked up to catch the eye of her girlfriend on her. Carmilla watched her student and she just couldn’t stop her lips from curling into a smile.  
  
„You can keep it. Consider it as _your very own trophy_. You can cuddle with it, when you’re all alone in your room in London and thinking of me.“  
  
„Oh my, if I had known that there would be prizes for sex, I would have had it much earlier with you.“, Laura said cockily and put on the piece of clothing in one elegant motion. Carmilla shook her head in amusement and reached forward and put the blonde’s hair in place.

  
„It looks good on you.“, the professor commented, while eyeing the girl in front of her approvingly. _It states mine._  
  
„Yeah? Can you imagine me in Columbia now?“, Laura’s head tilted up and she looked somewhat proud. _Chin up, princess._  
  
„No.“, Carmilla shook her head, but then she went further, „I can’t imagine you in New York, although you like the big cities... I still think you wouldn't like it there... Brown would be a better fit for you. You would like Providence.“  
  
„Hmn, I am not smart enough for Ivy League though.“, Laura said while standing up to finally get to relieve the pressure her bladder was in, Carmilla tugged on her wrist fiercely and held her up a little while longer. The blonde looked back in confusion, to where her girlfriend was seated.  
  
„Laura, don’t _you_ ever believe for a second that _you_ don’t have the potential to do anything _you_ want to do, not for a single second. You are headstrong and intelligent and I would hate for _you_ to be _your_ biggest obstacle on becoming someone great.“  
  
The way Carmilla said it and the way her eyes were caring, but yet determined, indicated that she really meant what she had said. Laura inhaled deeply, because never had someone she thought so highly of, told her something comparable to that.  
  
_Laura didn’t remember ever being so comfortable with another person that wasn’t related to her._  
  
…  
  
„Sweetheart, we have to get out of the bed at some point…“, the brunette smirked, while tracing the red lines that showed on Laura’s back with her fingertips. Maybe she had been a little rough, but it wasn’t her fault that Laura was taking her so hard not so long ago.  
  
They were under the blanket for the _ungodly morning activities_ , because the picture of Carmilla’s father looking down on them, still was bugging Laura. She had to do something about that, Carmilla thought to herself.

  
The student turned slightly to look at her girlfriend over her shoulder, saying, „I didn’t hear you complaining some minutes ago.“  
  
„You are just…“, Carmilla shook her head and pressed her naked front to her lover’s back. Laura drew in a sharp breath for that one. _Good_ , the professor thought, she still had that impact on her. Even though her naked state was nothing new and exciting anymore. For the blonde it still seemed to do the trick. Carmilla was not the only one feeling like that. So, good thing.  
  
„What am I?“, the journalism student giggled, when the other woman playfully bit into her shoulder.  
  
„If you don’t want to get up, because you don’t want to stop _this_ …“, Laura knew exactly, what Carmilla meant by ‚ _this_ ‘, „… How about we continue that in my shower?“  
  
„That is not a bad idea…“, the student seemed to be considering it, „… Maybe we do need a little clean-up after _all those dirty activities_ …“  
  
„ _Atta girl_.“  
  
  
  
Eating breakfast was a challenge, as the blonde wasn’t sitting in her usual place across from Carmilla, but occupied the seat next to her girlfriend. Laura was very clingy after sex, as the brunette had observed. She also laughed and smiled a lot more and was more touchy. Not that the dark haired woman was minding any of the extra attention. _Not at all..._  
  
The amateur journalist had her left hand on Carmilla’s thigh, stroking it from time to time, while dipping her spoon into her cereal bowl and watching some morning show on TV.  
  
Being a TV presenter was a cool job, Laura thought to herself. She could totally see herself talking to a camera, blabbering things or holding news broadcasts. In a parallel universe she probably would be doing that instead of studying to get into print journalism. Laura didn’t know, how those TV hosts could be so happy though. It was almost like they faked it all the time.  
  
However, Laura couldn’t complain either. She’d probably had the best sex in her life the previous night… And that morning… In the bed… And in the shower… She was pretty happy herself.  
  
Carmilla definitely hadn’t promised too much, when she said that sex with her wasn’t boring. A tingling sensation ran through her face. Blushing again, are we, Hollis? _God, not now!_

  
„Thinking about a _certain_ something?“, a raspy voice brought her out of her steamy reruns of the previous events. The smugness in that sentence was almost palpable.  
  
„Uh, no…“, Laura met Carmilla’s gaze and immediately felt caught, because she grinned knowingly.  
  
„Yeah right, is that why you’re digging your nails into my thigh so much?“, right in that moment the blonde grasped that she indeed was gripping her girlfriend’s body part a little too roughly.  
  
„Sorry.“, Laura blushed even harder (how was this even humanly possible?) and lowered her gaze to her cereal and retreated her hand.  
  
„There I thought you already had enough of me… _With the countless times that we have_ …“, the dark haired woman didn’t finish her sentence, instead chuckled lightly.  
  
„I couldn’t possibly get enough of you.“, the student said sheepishly and Carmilla’s features softened from her million dollar smug smile to… _Adoration. Love. _  
  
Yeah, she probably loved her a little more now. What the hell? How was _this_ possible? She was looking at her girlfriend lovingly, who only frowned a little in return.  
  
„God, you are just entirely too happy.“, Laura chuckled playfully, when she saw that face. Not having any clue, what it actually meant.  
  
„Look, who’s talking!“, Carmilla gaped in surprise. The blonde stuck her tongue out and made her way to the kitchen, to throw away the rest of her cereal. The teacher had followed her, because her plate also needed to be placed into the dishwasher.  
  
„Why did you throw that away?“, the brunette wanted to know.  
  
„Because it’s gotten soggy. I hate that.“  
  
„Well, then you should have eaten it faster, instead of daydreaming about my naked body, but I can relate to you. I also like my cereal, when it’s _hard_... Just like I like the women...“  
  
„I was _not_ daydreaming of… And _that_ was a terrible attempt for a-“, Laura gestured with her hands. Carmilla was shrugging, wiggling with her eyebrows and wearing _that_ smirk, „ _Ugh, you are so unbelievable!!!_ “  
  
  
  
Later that day the couple drove to Laura’s dorm room and got her luggage (making sure of course that no one saw them). Both decided on leaving the thing in the car, as the blonde wouldn’t need her clothes anyways. She had brought one spare outfit, and as far as the night was concerned… Carmilla was sure, she would find a way to keep her occupied with things that didn’t need any clothing.  
  
Laura was a sneaky little creature, the professor already knew that much, but not to which extent. On their drive back to Carmilla’s apartment the blonde would lean over the middle console of her car (yes, she unbuckled herself whilst the car was in motion) and kissed along the teacher’s neck. The brunette had warned her that it was very irresponsible of her (because one: she could not concentrate on the traffic fully like this and two: because you always should wear a seatbelt), but that didn’t keep Laura from doing things like these.  
  
_How was she going to survive one week without her?_  
  
Oh no, she really fell hard.  
  
…  
  
„I’ll miss you.“, Laura said and pulled her lover into a hug, after reaching the point, where the brunette couldn’t go any further with her. It felt good, to be able to do that in public. No one knew them in Graz, no one knew that they were student and teacher.  
  
„Yeah, you will.“, Carmilla nodded her head and the blonde pulled back a little to look at her as if she was saying ‚ _oh really?_ ‘.  
  
„And of course you’ll be missed too.“, the professor admitted finally.  
  
„Are you sure?“, Laura still had her arms around her girlfriend’s neck, „…Because it doesn’t seem like that at all.“  
  
  
_You have no idea._  
  
  
Carmilla simply nodded her head slightly, smiling and took ahold of Laura’s hands on her neck.  
  
„You need to get going, you don’t want to miss your flight…“, the woman with dark hair tilted her head to the side a little.  
  
The journalism student smiled and bit her lip, that look Carmilla was throwing her, was irresistible, „I’m sure, I can give you another 5 minutes… The flight’s in 1 hour… I won’t need _that_ much time to get to my gate.“  
  
„Okay, 5 minutes.“, the brunette conceded. There was a reason for Carmilla to be a little distant. She didn’t like saying goodbye to her loved ones. And Laura…? Well yeah, Ms. Karnstein still was sure that she loved her. It had not been a fleeting moment of affection that just was the outcome of sleeping with her.  
  
„Well, kiss me goodbye already!“, Laura ordered, as if she was waiting for it the whole time. The teacher’s gaze met hers and there was something flickering in those dark eyes. The student wanted to ask her about it, but was quickly pulled into a long, lingering kiss.  
  
„Sweetheart, don’t forget to bring me something back from London.“, Carmilla said whilst cocking her eyebrows and smirking, when she leaned back a little. She didn’t really want anything (besides Laura), but she wanted to lift up the situation.  
  
  
„Oh crap!!! I totally forgot!!!“, Laura exclaimed, got out of the embrace and frantically opened the front of her backpack and groped around.  
  
„What’s wrong?“, the brunette was utterly confused now.  
  
The blonde pulled out something in the shape of a rectangle, wrapped as a gift.  
  
„I got you something for Christmas… You know… I thought I could give it to you now and you’d facetime with me on the 25th or something and I could watch you unwrap it…“, the student explained and handed said thing to her lover.  
  
„You… Got me a gift?“, the brunette eyed the thing, and took it from Laura, „I was thinking about getting you something too, but wanted to give it to you, after you come back and now… I feel bad.“  
  
„No, don’t feel bad about it. You don’t _have to_ get me anything either!“  
  
„Now I do all the more, because you…“, Carmilla wasn’t really sure, what she could say now. Laura giggled and placed a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, „Thank you, Laura.“  
  
„Oh, thank me later, when you actually know what it is.“  
  
„Is it something edible? Because I hate receiving chocolate as a present.“  
  
The blonde grinned, with her tongue in-between her teeth, „It’s not chocolate, but I won’t say anything else about it.“  
  
„Fine.“, Carmilla pouted and it was just too cute. Laura leaned in again, kissing away that pouty face.  
  
„I have to get going now though.“, the student said and slowly made her way to the gate that would separate her with her lover, who was going the last few steps with her.  
  
„Call me or text me, when you have wifi or something.“, Carmilla said nonchalantly, as if it didn’t effect her that she most probably wouldn’t hear from her girl in the next hours.  
  
„Don’t worry, I’ll send you a quick text the minute I touchdown on British ground. One text isn’t gonna blow up my phone bill. I land there at local time 1:45… So that means you can start to worry, when nothing comes at something around 3 over here.“  
  
A weird knot started to form in the brunette’s stomach. Laura meant it as a joke, but she had no idea, how that affected her girlfriend.

  
„ _Don’t say that_ …“, Carmilla was wearing a pained expression and looked down to the floor.  
  
„I was just kidding.“, the blonde replied, and gave the other woman an assuring smile, after crouching down a little, to be able to look into her eyes.  
  
„Keep safe, sweetheart.“, the brunette smiled lightly and locked eyes with her counterpart again.

The professor said those words, instead of the words she wanted to say to the student...

  
_I love you. Come back safely and unscathed to me. I’ll think of you, when I’m in my bed all by myself, trying to sleep.  
And I’ll search for you in my dreams after my tiredness wins, loneliness overshadowing me.  
Anticipating the very moment, I know you safe beside me again.  
_

  
„I will.“  
  
One final kiss, and gone she was. The airport security doors swallowed her.  
  
  
Carmilla sighed heavily.  
  
„ _I love you._ “, she finally murmured to herself.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla desperately was craving a cigarette. She had thrown away her last pack due to her date with Laura a little over one week and now was regretting it. Couldn’t she just have hidden them in the back of her closet or something? At work it was easy. She just had to go to the faculty member’s room and ask one of her colleagues. They always had a spare for her. Carmilla Karnstein, daughter of the dean and all -and maybe even also due to the reason that she was kind of a hot teacher. She hoped it was for the first reason though. Carter wasn’t really her type.

  
Laura was up in the air by the time the brunette reached her hometown. Home didn’t feel like home anymore without knowing the student close to her. It was something else, when they wouldn’t see each other due to work, or Laura studying for exams, but now she was really physically away. She didn’t have the certainty that when she would drive to the KFH dormitory, she’d be able to see her girlfriend.  
  
What was happening to the dark haired woman? Since when had she been that clingy?  
Since when did one person make her feel that way?  
  
Definitely in need of a smoke.  
  
Carmilla stopped by the tobacconist on the way to her apartment and bought some smokes and a newspaper. She had forgotten to prolong her subscription for the one she was getting delivered to her house and quite frankly was too lazy to call the newspaper office up and tell them so. Besides, she liked to read a variety of different papers, so this way she wouldn’t be stuck with only one.  
  
  
  
At home Carmilla got rid of her coat and threw herself on the couch with her newspaper, Laura’s gift and her cigarettes. Absentmindedly she unwrapped the small rectangular package that read _Muratti_ from it’s plastic. She placed one smoke in her mouth and put the gift she received from her girlfriend on the dining table. A lighter quickly found its way to the brunette’s hands.

  
After drawing in the first puff of toxic air, she stormed to the kitchen and got her ashtray from under her sink. She’d almost forgotten that… _Oops._  
  
Carmilla opened up the newspaper (she had decided to buy the local one that time) and went through the different segments. She even recognized a certain old school friend of hers, who apparently had opened up a restaurant, not so far from her apartment, further into town. She would have to check that out for sure, she thought to herself... Then there was an article about some kid getting stuck in a pipe, but saved by a heroic fire-fighter, who just happened to be in the right place at the right -and then something caught her eye so rapidly that she thought she was hallucinating.

Only to find out that it _wasn’t_ just pure imagination. It was there. In black and white.

 _ **„Lesbische Dozentin an der Internationalen Silas Universität“**_ (Lesbian lecturer at Silas International University)  
  
  
There even was a picture of herself with…  
  
_No, no, no…_  
  
Carmilla extinguished her cigarette and ran out of her apartment, equipped with her jacket and the newspaper in her hand. She didn’t think that she’d do it that day, but hell- this had to be done now. **How dare she?!?!** How... Carmilla was breathless and speechless. Maybe she was being irrational now, but she couldn’t help her sudden spontaneity.  
  
  
  
The brunette was reading the article about her over and over again. What had she gotten herself into? First the rumors about her and her affair with her student and now **this**!  
  
Carmilla looked at the familiar house from her driver’s seat in her BMW. She’d been there often enough. She’d spent most of her teenage years there. It was time to buckle up (or actually the opposite, being in the car and all...), and march in there and just confront **her** about it.  
  
NOW.  
  
The professor needed another moment, until she finally left her vehicle. She wasn’t afraid of meeting her ex-girlfriend anymore.  
  
  
  
Heavy pounding on the door.  
  
Carmilla remembered it to be a massive wooden door that muffled any sounds from outside. So, just as she was about to knock again, a dark haired young man with a three-day beard was looking at her.  
  
„Ya?“, the guy rose up his eyebrows and smiled as if he had recognized her. Carmilla knew that Ell had a brother, who even had a huge crush on her, back in the days, but didn’t remember his looks that much. She had always been more invested with his older sister back then. That was probably him though.  
  
Carmilla cleared her throat and before all of the courage could leave her, she asked, „Ist deine Schwester hier?“  
  
He looked at her in confusion, so she tried again, „No German? Okay… Is your sister here?“ (Strange, she could have sworn, he spoke German.)  
  
Again no response, the guy frowned a little, „Xeetao syghnome… Den katalaveno.“  
  
Carmilla shook her head and sighed. _Not her brother then. Probably some other relative, the wedding was just 3 weeks away after all. This wasn’t weird._ He only spoke Greek. She didn’t speak a word of it, but that much she could tell now. _Great_. The worst part was that none of the other family members were there, she didn’t see any of their cars (maybe that was good in a way). She was sure, she would be invited in, if that were the case. They were most probably at the restaurant at that hour. _No luck then, Karnstein_. She had to come back another time.  
  
Just when she had waved awkwardly and had turned around to leave, a much too familiar voice was behind her.  
  
„Carm?“ _Incredulity._  
  
The brunette closed her eyes. _That was her_. She still sounded the same. She still sounded like that bitchy 18 year old that had said those horrible things to her.  
  
The professor turned around again and saw how the blonde whispered something to the guy, who was still standing in the doorway and then he was gone. The Greek beauty stepped outside and closed the door behind her. Majestic. Confident. _Cold aura_. She took cautious steps towards the brunette. With every step she got closer, Carmilla felt uneasier.  
  
  
„ **Ellena** …“, was all the teacher almost whispered.  
  
„What? I am suddenly _Ellena_ for you? I have never heard you call me _that_.“  
  
„That’s your name isn’t it? Why are you talking in English? We are not in school anymore _Ellena_ , we never spoke English outside of our classes.“, Carmilla said with risen eyebrows.  
  
„I have to adjust to the famous Ms. Karnstein, don’t I? My father told me that you were an English teacher now.“ English Literature and English weren’t even anything alike to teach, but Carmilla didn’t even bother about the false facts in the moment. Besides, the professor was sure that Aleksandar wasn’t the only one to fill her in on that matter. She’d been at _her_ school. Ell’d seen Laura, they had spoken about her. Anger was boiling inside of her, because she knew that Ell was doing that out of purpose.  
  
The dark haired woman scoffed, trying to be inaffected by the subtle attack, „Don’t do _me_ any favors _._ “

  
„It’s good to see you... _All grown up_.“, the blonde said, after taking her ex-girlfriend in. How dare that bitch talk to her like that? Like she was a child? Okay, _oops_ , right, she had been 16, the last time they saw each other...  
  
„Well, I can’t really lie to your face like you are to me right now, so… You won’t get a sappy line like _that_ out of me. It absolutely  isn’t good to see you.“, the brunette chuckled darkly.  
  
„Ahh, I like the new bite you have in you.“, the blonde was walking around Carmilla, eying her from every angle, and when she was done with that and back to her former position, she added, „You were much too shy back then. _Except for when we were in bed_ …“, a cold shudder ran through the teacher’s body. She didn’t want a reminder of _that_. Ellena had been her first. She hadn’t slept with her boyfriend, not like that. „And of course you have turned out more beautiful than I remember.“  
  
Carmilla was a little taken aback by the compliment, but it didn’t affect her, like she had anticipated. Back then, she would have done anything to hear that sentence from Ell, to hear her say that she thought she was beautiful. Not some useless junk that you could toss away. Not a neurotic 16 year old that needed to contain herself. _Carmilla, you can be such a child sometimes._ Or: _Carm_ , _I don’t understand, how you skipped grades with that childish mind of yours._ Those were the words she had to listen to in their relationship. Funny, now thinking of it, the brunette found that Ell and her mother were very much alike. No wonder that they had been meeting. A bitter feeling crept it’s way up. Carmilla couldn’t think about _that_ now. She was here for an entire another reason.  
  
„And you haven’t changed a bit, still that same bitch, I see.“, a payback.  
  
„Woah, woah, woah. I won’t let you insult me in my front yard.“, the Greek woman spoke, calmly. _Interesting_. Where was that raging girl? She was much more calculating. Still bitchy, but there certainly was much more serenity to it.  
  
_Everyone grows up, Karnstein._  
  
„It’s not an insult, if I’m speaking the truth…“, Carmilla said under her breath. Ell seemingly had understood her, but ignored the statement. Again, too calm.  
  
„And to what do I owe the pleasure of you standing in front of my doorway? I don’t think you came here to just insult me... Or did you?“  
  
Carmilla just then remembered that she indeed came there for a reason. She hold up the newspaper article, which she had folded out. Oh, that rage was showing up again. Her insides were aching.  
  
  
„What is this?“, Ell asked, with skeptical eyes.  
  
„Please, don’t act like you didn’t have anything to do with this!“, Carmilla exclaimed, „This could only have been you! I mean, really?! I knew you were all unfair and vindictive, but this is even under _your_ level! I mean, how much did you get for that picture of us, huh? A grand? How much was _my sexuality_ worth to _you_??“  
  
  
„I didn’t! Carm, _I didn’t do this!_ …“, Ell closely looked at the picture that was beside the article that she had quickly read parts of, „I don’t have that picture of us…“, she added much quieter now.  
  
„What?“  
  
„Look closely. First of all I would never have kept a picture of _us kissing_ , so I couldn’t have given it to them and secondly we never took that picture together. Someone else must have shot it.“  
  
Carmilla took a close look at it, and her ex had been right. They hadn’t. She knew, because she had been looking through their pictures over and over again, back when she still was heartbroken over her.  
  
„Besides, you don’t really think I would do something like this, when my wedding’s in less than 3 weeks, do you?“  
  
„I…“, the brunette shook her head. She came here to blame Ell for everything, but now…? Blondie had a point there.  
  
„What? Do you really think I could sink _that low_?“ _Actually, yes_ , the brunette thought. Maybe she was the one being unfair now? **No**. There was no _being unfair_ , when it came to Ms. Kostapoulos. However she felt like apologizing. Maybe get on her good side a little. Who knew, maybe it would get her somewhere after all?  
  
„I don’t know… Sorry for jumping you about that… I just…“ _Fuck, don’t sound too sorry.  
_

  
  
„I’m even surprised that you know that I am here.“, Ell suddenly said. Her tone was again calm and soft. Like Carmilla had never heard it. _Kind even._  
  
„You invited me to your wedding. Your dad gave me the invitation card and said you were in town. What more hints do I need, to know that you are here?“  
  
„Yeah, I gave him the card, but he never mentioned to me that you guys ran into each other. And you never called. I don’t know, I figured you would at least call, after receiving an invite to my wedding.“  
  
Carmilla nodded, a frown showing on her face, contemplating, what she could reply to that. Apparently not fast enough.

  
„Are you coming?“, Ell suddenly wanted to know. Was she being serious now?  
  
„In what universe do you see _me_ attend _your wedding_?“, the dark haired woman sighed. Holding back all the bitterness.  
  
„Adam would really like to meet you… Well on a more formal basis, not in-between doorways…“  
  
„What? Who’s Adam?“, the brunette was utterly confused now.  
  
„The man who opened the door… That’s my fiancé, Adam.“, Ell explained.  
  
„Ah…“, Carmilla’s gaze wandered to the now closed front door, as if he still was standing there, „…But why would _he want to meet me_?“  
  
„He saw the pictures of you and I in my old bedroom… I told him about you.“, the blonde said almost sheepishly.

Really, how did that woman manage to change her whole demeanor in just a few seconds?  
  
  
Now the professor understood, why he had smiled at her knowingly... _But... What now?_  
  
„You told your future husband about your girlfriend you had in high school?“, Carmilla asked skeptically.  
  
„Well… I haven’t told him _all of it_ of course… I mean, you know how that is with my parents… I told him a similar story to the one they know about you and me being really close frien- Oh my god!!! **What if they find out about the article!!?** My father, my mother... Adam?!“, the blonde realized it just then.  
  
Carmilla closed her eyes. Even now she felt bad for that woman. Not that she was feeling anything -but pity- for her, but she couldn’t wish something bad on someone, who she once claimed to love. Funny, she only claimed to love her, but she probably never really did. _Laura._ Laura was love. She knew it. How ridiculous it was, but in the same time true. No one else had ever made her feel this way.  
  
„Don’t worry, I’m sure it will go by… Just don’t make him read the paper of today… The press has been on my back since…“  
  
And there it was. The missing piece. _The press has been on her back since that silly rumor_. Carmilla’s mother. _Solving the issue._ Finding something better to cover up with.  
  
Renata must have orchestrated it, she thought. With the rumors about her sleeping with that male student… If everyone knew that she was gay, then the accusations would all go away. Besides, that article was a pretty positive one for the school too. It stated that Silas was very progressive and open about the sexuality of their faculty members and students.  
  
_Her own mother had used her past to get good publicity for her school out of it._  
  
Carmilla was furious.  
  
„Just make sure your father doesn’t see it…“, the brunette said, with a blank expression on her face.  
  
„Carm…“, Ell said in a pained voice.  
  
The professor had never seen the blonde like this. Had she been wrong all the time? Had she imagined all of the harshness in her ex-lover, just because she had broken her heart? In that moment Ell seemed so helpless. How could this be the same woman as Carmilla knew in her past. How could this be the same woman as the one meeting her mother (Ell’s archfiend of some sorts) behind her back?  
  
„It’s gonna be okay, I promise. You… Just relax… And Aleksandar won’t probably even ever read it, because I’ve never seen him read any newspapers in the years I’ve known him.“, Carmilla reached forwards and placed her hand on Ell’s shoulder and gave her an half-assuring smile. The blonde smiled back and covered the brunette’s hand with her own. At that contact the dark haired woman quickly jerked back. That was too much.  
  
Ell sighed, „Yes, you probably are right.“  
  
Carmilla’s insides ached to ask her ex-girlfriend about the meeting with her mother. Despite of Ell’s rather nice behavior, she knew that there must still be going on something big. Something that probably didn’t have anything to do with all of this. _Or did it...?_ However, she couldn’t because then Carmilla would have to explain why she knew that the blonde had been at Renata’s office. Everything most likely would lead to Laura, especially after how Laura had been with Ell.  
  
„I have to go. I’m sorry for barging in like this.“  
  
„Okay. I’ll see you around? Think about the wedding...“, the blonde smiled one last time.  
  
„Yeah.“ _Nope._ She definitely didn’t want to see her again. Not like this. If there was going to be another encounter, she was pretty sure it wouldn’t turn out that civil. The moment of pity she felt for her ex-girlfriend passed away, when she remembered yet again that she had been meeting with her mother. Another time, Karnstein, another time.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was in her car again, having successfully avoided jumping that woman. She was surprised at herself for keeping that calm. The brunette was genuinely proud of herself, because she hadn’t let the past cloud her. She hadn’t let the fact that her mother was meeting Ell behind her back get to her. Carmilla didn’t spill anything that could have been potentially a step back for her relationship with Laura. The thought of Laura was calming. She was doing it for _them_. Whatever business there was with Renata Karnstein and Ellena Kostapoulos... It was another story and she was just happy that she hadn’t blown any cover or whatever there was to blow. Ell still thought she knew nothing, and she got to yell at her a little. It was satisfying, to say the least.  
  
And now: The problem with the article. Carmilla sighed and pushed the button that ignited the engine.  
  
_What was she going to do with her mother...?_  
  
…  
  
**Laura:** _Hey Carm! I just wanted to let you know that I’ve landed in Heathrow, safe and sound. Hope you are doing alright. I’ll call you, when I’m home. XX_  
  
The brunette read the message over and over again. Laura had sent it several hours ago, but still hadn’t tried to get in touch. She was probably busy with her family, Carmilla thought to herself and jumped into her bed after getting out of her pants and top. It wasn’t that late, but the day had been tiresome.  
  
The bed smelled like _her_. The pillow _she_ had been sleeping on, smelled exactly like Laura’s shampoo, even though she had showered the day before, using Carmilla’s.  
  
_How was that possible?_  
  
Carmilla slowly closed her eyes, with the thought of her girlfriend. She was able to sleep, even with the 1000 other things on her mind. Sleeping meant one more night less without having her close…  
  
  
Something woke her up that night. Her phone was ringing. She groped around blindly on her bed and eyed that damn thing.  
  
Laura was facetiming her.  
  
**Ew,** Carmilla didn’t want to know how she looked at that moment (and Laura sure didn’t need to either), so she didn’t bother to turn on the lights, before picking up.  
  
„Laura. Hey.“, the brunette sleepily answered.  
  
„Carm? Why is it so dark?“, the student was narrowing her eyes to make up any shapes in the dark room. In vain.  
  
„Because it’s nighttime.“  
  
„Yeah, but… Oh my god, you weren’t asleep, were you? I can hang u-“  
  
„No, no, no, please don’t.“, okay a little too pleading, „I mean… I was just going to bed.“, Carmilla lied. The alarm clock on her bedside table said 23:42. Which meant, London time 22:42.  
  
„Oh… Okay… Mind turning on the lights? I would like to see your face.“  
  
_Damnit!_ Carmilla blindly fixed her hair a little and hoped that her waterproof eyeliner was doing its job right (she hadn’t washed her face, before plopping into the bed), before turning on the lamp on her nightstand.

  
„Ouch that light’s damn bright.“, the professor murmured and narrowed her eyes to a slit. She sat up, leaning on her headboard.  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide and she checked, if anyone was beside or behind her, „You are…“, the blonde rose up and was looking past her cell phone, „Dad, I’m gonna hit the sack, love ya!“, and suddenly there was a change of scenery. The blonde shut a door and finally looked at Carmilla again, who was too confused to grasp what was going on, „ _You aren’t wearing anything!_ “, Laura finally shrieked.  
  
Carmilla was looking down, „Uh, no, I am wearing something.“  
  
„Only a bra!“  
  
The brunette chuckled, „You sure didn’t mind that yesterday…“  
  
„What if my dad had seen me facetiming with a _half-naked woman_?!“  
  
„Then you would have had a perfect story to tell your family on Christmas day.“  
  
„Ha, ha. Only you would find that funny…“

  
„Uhm… _Does he know_?“, Carmilla asked tentatively once Laura was settled in a bed. She was probably in her bedroom.  
  
„Well of course not. I’m not gonna tell my dad that I’m sleeping with my teacher.“  
  
The professor laughed loudly, „Uh, one: I thought, if you’d refer to me, you’d refer to me as _the_ _woman you are dating_ or _the woman that is your girlfriend_ , or even _the_ _teacher that is your girlfriend_ , but certainly not as _the teacher you’re sleeping with_ …“  
  
„I… I…“, the blonde’s blush was even visible through the low iPhone 5s front-camera quality, „What’s your second point?“  
  
„Ah, yes, and secondly, I didn’t mean _that_. I meant, if he knew that you are not so much into men.“  
  
„Yeah, he knows.“, Laura smiled gently.  
  
„Hmn.“, Carmilla nodded and seemed to think, „How was _that_ for you?“  
  
„What do you mean?“  
  
„How was coming out to your dad?“  
  
„Oh well, it was kind of a given. I’d never brought home a guy. When I introduced Emma to my dad, he kind of was relieved that it wasn’t a boy.“  
  
„Emma.“, Carmilla repeated, „That’s your ex’s name?“  
  
„Yeah.“  
  
„The one you loved.“, the professor didn’t know why, but it didn’t feel good, saying/hearing that.  
  
Laura was silent for some moments, „Well… Kind of, yes.“  
  
„Kind of?“  
  
The blonde sighed, „I never said it to her.“, she could see Carmilla’s confused face, „I never said ‚ _I love you_ ‘ to anyone in my life.“  
  
That took the brunette by utter surprise, „But you told me that you loved her.“  
  
„I think, I did love her… I don’t know… I guess... Can we not talk about that now?“  
  
„Sure. Whatever you need.“  
  
„Thank you.“  
  
Carmilla thought about the events of that day. How she had met Ell. The ‚ _how_ ‘ being the most important part. Or even why. She would have to tell Laura about the article and the encounter, she knew that much. That night wasn’t the night though. She wanted to do it in person.  
  
They stared at each other for a long time, before the blonde shifted in her bed a little and held up Carmilla’s ‚Columbia‘ hoodie.

  
„It unfortunately doesn’t smell like you.“, the student pouted, sniffing the article of clothing, before putting it on her lap.  
  
„Be glad about that. Because if it did, I’m sure it would reek of cheap beer and smokes from back in the days.“  
  
„Oh, just the fragrance that I like.“, Laura wiggled with her eyebrows, even though that was the biggest bullshit ever.  
  
„This hoodie was my party hoodie back then. I would wear it over my dresses to keep myself warm, when waiting for a cab on the streets of New York, whenever it got too late for my designated driver to pick me up.“  
  
„And _that_ outfit! _Exquisite Haute Couture!_ I can totally see you in that… _Oh god Carmilla_ … That’s just so hot...“, Laura was fake-moaning, „You in a hoodie waiting for your chivalrous knight in armor… Or you know, _your driver in a yellow cab_ …“  
  
Carmilla just rolled her eyes and watched her girlfriend grinning at her with her tongue in-between her teeth. The blonde then drove her hand through her hair and if fell perfectly to the side of her face, like a curtain.  
  
„Don’t do that.“, the brunette asked of her. Had she always been doing that? Were her features always so perfect? So many little things could be observed, if paid enough attention. Why had the brunette never been more attentive? There was so much more to look at, than that pretty face. Laura was so much more. So much at once.  
  
Carmilla normally always went for the small details and the little detours one has to make to unfold a story. She did it with her work, when dissecting a novel. Why hadn’t she done that with Laura? The blonde was in a way like a story for her. Laura was the story and Carmilla was the protagonist that tried to solve whatever mystery there was to solve. Diving into the wide, broad world. Dissolving into the thin air that was Laura Hollis. She was so much at once, it was petrifying.   
  
  
The blonde knit her brows and shook her head slightly, „Do what?“  
  
The professor didn’t answer. Carmilla watched her, as if the whole world was given to her in that moment and simply chuckled.  
  
_She’ll be the death of me._


	19. Dads and Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas time's around.  
> Lots of texting and facetiming.  
> There's a surprise for the broody one.

It was Christmas day, Carmilla had really bought some egg punch and even managed to buy herself some deep frozen dinner dishes, to top off that classy evening she was going to have. All by herself. Her gaze fell to the present she got from Laura, which was still resting on her dining table.  
  
The brunette had gone shopping some days before, to get something for the journalism student too. She’d bought her a silver bracelet with a pendant on it. It was a little book. She wanted her gift to be personal, but it was hard to find something for a girl she only knew for a little less than three months, so she bought something that would remind Laura of her. It was a big deal for her to buy jewelry for someone. She had never done that.  
  
Gift shopping would have been easier, if Laura hadn’t meant so much to her. Carmilla wanted her present to be perfect (she had changed her mind too often about it). _This was it though_. This said something like ‚Hey, you mean something to me, I’d like you to wear something from me.‘, but not ‚Oh god, I love you so much.‘. For the latter she would have made a lot more effort. Like... Really a lot more effort. ~~Maybe she should have~~... No. _That_ was perfect. She hoped. What if that wasn’t enough?  
  
The professor sighed, when she made her way to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of her bed with the gift-box and some wrapping paper and started to make it more presentable. Carmilla would send her lover a picture of it, once she was done with it, she thought.  
  
The brunette was done pretty quickly, when she finished, she looked up. The picture of her father smiling down at her caught her eye in that process. His eyes that reminded her of her own, were holding hers captive. Whenever Carmilla felt like she’d lost herself, she would look into her reflection in the mirror and seek her father in it. That had always calmed her down.  
  
She walked up to the picture, leaving the gift behind her on the bed. She remembered, how Laura had talked to the photo of Matthew Karnstein not so long ago. Carmilla traced his features with her knuckles, softly closing her eyes and smiling, imagining to be able to touch him for real.  
  
„I met a girl.“, she opened her eyes again.  
  
„You’ve met her too, actually… She’s…“, the brunette glanced around the room to find the right word, before averting her gaze to him again, „I think I have fallen in love with her.“, with her voice more steady she added, „ _I love her_ , dad.“  
  
„It’s crazy, I know, because I don’t know her for that long, but you know, when you know, right? You would have actually liked her very much. She’s goofy, like the good kind and…“, Carmilla shook her head, „Beautiful, she’s the most beautiful thing, I’ve ever seen.“  
  
„And she is intelligent and has a really good heart. She and Ell are nothing alike... I’m sorry that I disappointed you with that story… I know you always told me she wasn’t good… I didn’t want to hear it, because I thought you were like mother and not accepting of me for who I was… But now I know… Now I believe you that it was because you wanted to protect your little girl. I’m so sorry daddy…“, Carmilla whispered the last sentence.  
  
„I love you, merry Christmas.“, the brunette added and traced over the frame once more with her fingers. She couldn’t even remember her last Christmas with him. All had been a blur. She’d buried all of those memories into a box, safely tucked away in the back corner of her heart.  
  
She loved that photo of him. He hadn’t met her mother back then. He wasn’t corrupted back then. His smile was never ending and pure. Pure innocence and joy. It was odd that he reminded her of Laura on that picture.  
  
_Carefree and full of life._ Those were the feelings Carmilla associated with _her._

  
Right in that moment the professor had an idea. She moved to her storage room/closet and got out her toolbox. She moved over to the anteroom and got started…  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _Get dressed, prof. sexy. I’ll facetime you in 5 minutes._  
**C.K.:** _I’m already dressed, sweetheart._  
**Laura:** _If this is like the last time, I swear to god._  
**Laura:** _I don’t want to see underwear on you._  
**C.K.:** _Laura Hollis! Are you suggesting me to get rid of my underwear? Scandalous!_  
**C.K.:** _Didn’t think you’d be one to have cyber sex_ **.**  
**Laura:** _No!!! I meant, not ONLY underwear. You should totes wear it! But please put something over it!!!_  
**Laura:** _Just so you know, I am not opposed to cyber sex :P_

Carmilla eyed her phone incredulously.

 **C.K.:** _So many things I don’t know about you yet._  
  
  
Laura was calling Carmilla shortly after that.  
  
  
„Hey there!“, the brunette picked up overly excited.  
  
„Merry Christmas, Carm.“, Laura smiled at her. She was wearing a red and white Christmas sweater and drinking something from a mug that was in the shape of a red phone booth, as you would find them in London. Of course she owned something like that.  
  
She was Carmilla’s nerd girl with her strange addiction to weird pop culture after all.  
  
„Merry Christmas… How’s London? Have you seen the Queen, or I don’t know… Any member of _One Direction_ or something?“, the professor asked, even though they had been texting the whole time. Talking was another form of intimacy.  
  
Laura was almost spilling whatever she was drinking, „ _You know what One Direction is?!_ “  
  
„Yeah… Well… Only because that Harry guy was dating Taylor Swift.“  
  
„Erm, excuse me what? _Why_ do _you_ know _that_?“, the blonde looked at her wide-eyed.  
  
„My classmates back in the States were hardcore Taylor Swift fans… You would be surprised at how much I know about her.“ And she kind of thought back then that she was hot, but that wasn’t important. She wouldn’t ever date her though. Too tall. Her limbs would be all over the place.  
  
„Right…“, the student nodded slowly. Still flabbergasted by the information.  
  
„How’s been Christmas so far? What did you do all day?“, Carmilla tried to distract. Successfully.  
  
„Well, my dad and I always watch the BBC Christmas specials… And then there is today’s cooking arrangements a.k.a. my dad being a pro in ordering Chinese food this year, because he and I both were kind of tired yesterday to shop properly for it and... It’s just a waste of food, if we cook something, because we are going to my grandparent’s house tomorrow to have our fest meal. So chop suey it is for us today.“  
  
„Ah, how American of you guys.“  
  
Laura giggled, „What about you? How have you been?“, Carmilla couldn’t help, but notice that the blonde’s normally rather North American accent got a heavier British tone to it. Probably due to her speaking in British English over there. She was obviously trying to accomodate to her girlfriend’s accent. It was cute, the brunette thought.  
  
„Uhm, good actually. I received an extra generous paycheck from my mother… Christmas gift you know…“  
  
„Isn’t that illegal?“  
  
„Not, if it’s her own money… I’ve been receiving those really personal gifts since I’ve been 16.“  
  
„And besides that? What were you doing, when I called you?“, the amateur journalist wanted to know.  
  
„Well… Now that you ask…“, Carmilla walked to her anteroom and presented her work, „I moved the picture of my father from my bedroom to the entrance… So… You know, now you don’t have to be so cautious about lying in the right angle or covering yourself up, when we’re ha-“  
  
„Laura, darling, loosen up a bit on the punch, you wouldn’t wanna end up legless, now would you?“, a male voice cut in through their conversation. _British_. Well, that must be her father, Carmilla thought. Talkin’ of dads.  
  
The brunette actually was expecting Laura to hide her, but the blonde only laughed.  
  
„With _legless_ he doesn’t really mean that I’d be cutting off a leg, he simply means drunk.“, her student explained to her.  
  
„Who are you talkin’ to, love?“, the man said to his daughter, who looked up at him. Apparently he was standing right beside her. Carmilla immediately sat up straight, she was wasn’t sure, if he could see her from his position. Carmilla never had thought that she’d ever get to see her girlfriend’s father, or that she’d ,meet’ him like that, but it was important to her to leave a good impression.  
  
„Oh… A _really good friend_ from back home…“, Laura told her father.  
  
„Back home? Darling, _this is your home_. Should I be offended that you’re calling Austria home?“, Mr. Hollis bent down a little, so that the brunette could see his face, clearly Carmilla’s girlfriend was uncomfortable now, „Cor blimey, _that’s a pretty girl_ … Sure, she’s _only a friend_?“, he laughed.  
  
„Uhm, hello…“, Carmilla awkwardly waved. She hadn’t been called ‚a girl‘ in a long time.  
  
„Oh my god! Dad!!!“  
  
„What?“, he looked at his daughter, who was visibly blushing, „ _That one over here_ …“, he pointed over to Laura, „Is a real ladykiller. Yesterday, we went to the market, and there was this one girl that she used to go to primary school to with… What was her name…?“, Laura’s father was cute, how he just felt comfortable with telling strangers stories about his daughter.  
  
Carmilla tensed up at his words. Some random girl had been flirting with her girlfriend.  
  
„Dad, she was just being nice.“, Laura threw in, rolling her eyes.  
  
„I’m sure she was, love.“, he shook his head, „The chaps are behind her too, you know, but I can protect her from them.“, he said proudly, „Say dear…“, he was talking to Carmilla directly now, „ _How is the security in your town…?_ “  
  
„I would say that your daughter is in good hands, Sir. You don’t have to fear for her safety.“  
  
„ _Sir_ …“, the man repeated and looked at Laura, „I sure do like that girl.“, he was out of frame again, „I’ll leave you two alone now, it was nice talking to you, dear!“  
  
Laura shook her head and suddenly stood up from where she was sitting and got into…

  
Yeah, that was her room again. Carmilla recognized it from the last time they had been facetiming.  
  
  
„So…“, the brunette slowly started.  
  
„So…“, Laura repeated, „That was my dad… Sorry about that… He’s a little… _Crazy_ … Runs in the family.“  
  
„Clearly.“, Carmilla smirked, „… What was that talk about that girl? You haven’t mentioned her, when we were texting yesterday.“  
  
„Uhm, I didn’t know, I had to tell you, when I met old friends?“, Laura felt alarmed. She remembered talks like those with Danny… Or even Emma. They would freak out over something like this.  
  
No, she couldn’t be having such a conversation with Carmilla now…  
  
„Just an _old friend_?“  
  
„Uh huh.“, she was just about to lose it, when…  
  
„Okay, if you say that it was nothing else, then I believe you.“, the dark haired woman smiled.  
  
The professor felt relieved (not knowing that it was equally a relief for her lover too, when she said that). _Oh my god._ Carmilla was really okay with this. Laura smiled back.  
  
„I’m with you now… So nothing to worry about.“, the blonde added.  
  
„Good… I like hearing that…“  
  
  
„So you’ve moved the picture of your dad from the bedroom, huh?“, Laura smirked a little.  
  
„Yap.“  
  
„Any specific reason for that?“, the blonde’s smile grew wider.  
  
„I just wanted to make you feel comfortable, when we… _When you and I_ …“, Carmilla didn’t know, why it was so hard for her now to say it out loud -maybe it had something to do with a certain student of hers that was having that teasing smile on her face.  
  
„When we… _What_?“  
  
The brunette cleared her throat, „Wanna see your present? I wrapped it up… Forgot to send you a picture though.“ _Smoothly dodging the question…_  
  
„Uh huh.“, Laura’s eyebrows were risen and she was just smiling too much. God, Carmilla just wanted to be there with her girlfriend, in her bed and wipe off that smug grin with a kiss.  
  
„See… _That’s_ your gift…“, the brunette switched to her back camera.  
  
„Open it.“, the blonde said.  
  
„Uhm no? You are gonna open it, when you come back…“ Which was in two days. _Hooray!_  
  
„But you get to open mine too!“, the student argued with a pouty face that was just too adorable.  
  
„Well, if you want, I’m gonna wait to open it with you…“  
  
„No! I want you to open mine on Christmas!“, the blonde quickly said.  
  
„But you still won’t get yours today, sweetheart… I just wrapped it up… I’m not gonna tear it apart now.“  
  
„Fine… Go, open yours.“  
  
  
Carmilla set her phone aside, making sure that Laura was able to see her, before she unwrapped the gift she had received from her girlfriend 5 days ago.  
  
A leathery scent was the first thing that Carmilla noticed, when she pulled out the thing out of the wrapping paper.  
  
It was a book. Of some sort.  
  
Carmilla opened it and saw the blank pages in it. The pages were yellowed (quite frankly it reminded her of parchment), as if it had been a very old piece. The leather wasn’t in its best shape either. It was in a used look, but wasn’t used in the inside at all.  
  
„This is… A book?“, the brunette asked a little confused.  
  
„So, okay story time… I was on my way to that super cool place, where I knew I would be able to find some cool old books. I actually meant to get you some new pieces to add to your enormous bookshelf… They do have English pieces, you should check them out sometime, although, I’m sure you know about them. Anyways, I roughly knew your taste and knew, which works you had older versions of… But when I got there, _that_ immediately caught my eye… Carm, this notebook or journal… _Whatever_ was made in 1872!!! It had belonged to some writer in Ireland or something… But he never wrote in it… The pages are made of parchment… Well not the real thing, it is parchment paper… But still… _I don’t know_ … I thought you might like that.“  
  
Carmilla eyed the book in front of her thoroughly. Laura had put a lot of thought into it. It made her heart swell up. That must have cost a fortune too, the brunette thought to herself. She was silently eying the thing and tracing its leather with her fingertips.  
  
  
  
„Oh no… you didn’t like it…?“, Laura’s voice was getting quieter.  
  
„No! _I love it!_ Laura, I really do… It’s just… You shouldn’t have made such an effort, and I’m sure this wasn’t cheap either… It’s… _Wow_ …“, Carmilla meant, what she said.  
  
„Yeah well… Think of it as making up for not being there with you now. I bought it for you so you could write in it. Maybe take notes for the novel or something?“  
  
The professor looked into her girlfriend’s eyes, „Novel?“  
  
„You want to be a writer right? So you might as well get started with it now.“  
  
Carmilla smiled, in the most genuine way, „ _Thanks so much_.“  
  
„You really like it?“, the blonde wanted to know again.  
  
„Yes, I really, really do… _I love it_ , Laura.“ _Along with the woman, who gifted it to me._ How could she not have loved anything Laura Hollis had touched.  
  
„Thank god!“, the student sighed, „I was driving myself crazy over that the past few days.“  
  
„Why? I would have even loved your gift, if it had been chocolate, because it’s from _you._ “, Carmilla admitted.  
  
„Yeah well… I don’t know… I wanted to give you a present that meant something.“, the professor could relate to that.  
  
„Sweetheart, you’ve overdone yourself… Without even having to trump anything…“, the brunette assured her lover.  
  
„Good… I’m really glad that you like it.“  
  
…  
  
Laura was just entirely too excited, after she’d found out that Carmilla had liked her present. With that smile plastered to her face she went down the hall to where her dad was sitting on the couch.  
  
„Well aren’t you just entirely too happy?“, he smiled knowingly.  
  
„I just had a really good day…“, Laura replied and let herself fall down next to her father.  
  
„I’m glad that you are doing fairly well, love. I like seeing you that way.“  
  
„ _I am doing well_ … I am actually pretty happy…“  
  
Laura’s dad knew about her condition too well, he eyed her thoroughly, „I think the new meds are doing their job great.“, he uttered.  
  
„It’s not because of some stupid pill, dad.“, the blonde groaned.  
  
„Then what is it?“, he knew she’d take the bait, if he said that. No antidepressant was that good -that much he knew. It would be great, if those pills worked like that.  
  
„Nothing specific. Can’t I just be happy for no reason?“  
  
„As much as I would wish that for you… No… I haven’t seen you like this in years… Genuinely happy… It’s something else…“, the man was observing his daughter intently.  
  
„I…“, Laura’s demeanor changed from annoyed to a more calm one, she was staring at her hands folded in her lap.  
  
„Was it that girl?“, he asked her, „Does she make you that happy? Are you finally over Danielle?“  
  
„Yeah, I think so… I mean the Danny part…“  
  
„Good, because dead honest? I was scared of her a little, when we went out to dinner that one time…“  
  
„Why? Weren’t you happy that I was with someone, who would be able to protect me?“  
  
„I don’t know. I want you to be with someone who can protect you, but in the same time someone, who you can protect yourself from.“, the man said.  
  
„Danny would have never hurt me, if that’s what you’re implying.“  
  
„Oh, she has hurt my little girl though, I was the one taking care of you last summer, if you recall, darling.“  
  
„I meant physically… _Whatever_ … That’s not something we should be talking about… Because she isn’t a part of my life anymore. At least not girlfriend-wise.“  
  
„Yes, very well, I would much rather talk to you about that girl from earlier… What’s her name?“

„Carmilla.“, Laura hesitantly murmured.  
  
„What a rare name… You sure have your ways with American girls.“  
  
„What do you mean?“, the blonde couldn’t follow her father’s thoughts.  
  
„First Danielle and now that Carmilla. After Emma you seem to have lost interest in British girls.“  
  
„Yeah, well first of all, it’s a little hard meeting British girls in Austria… And secondly, Carmilla’s **not** American.“  
  
„I could have sworn… Where is she from?“  
  
Laura felt a little alarmed, because she was giving away too much information about her girlfriend, „Austria.“  
  
„No way! Her English is much too good… I have some business partners over there… _They have terrible accents_ …“  
  
The blonde laughed out loud, „Yeah, she has attended-“ Laura stopped talking, because if she told her dad that Carmilla had been to grad school in the US, he would catch up to their age difference and that would mean… „She was in the States for a long time… _For educational purposes_.“  
  
Perfect way to skate around the truth, without telling a lie…  
  
„Oh, alright, that explains a lot… Still haven’t told me the whole thing yet, darling.“  
  
The student looked up to be met by his intense eyes. She’d sometimes wished that she had his blue, piercing eyes, but then again, she was grateful that she had gotten her mother’s look mostly. Her father had dark hair, light eyes and she had gotten almost nothing - _except for the Hollis nose_ \- from him. (Which was good, because if she had dark hair, Carmilla probably wouldn’t have found her attractive…)  
  
Why was it so important to her to be wanted by that woman? She shoved aside the thought about that.  
  
„I’m gonna go to my room and get ready for… _You know_ …“, Laura dodged the half-question of her father.  
  
His face faltered, he immediately thought about what she was referring to. They had agreed on going to the graveyard in the afternoon, to visit Laura’s mother, his wife. He still talked about his _wife_ , when talking about her at all. She would forever be his wife. And he would forever be her husband. Her husband only.  
  
_A love that intense._  
  
This was again one of the reasons Laura couldn’t get too attached to anyone.  
  
She was striving for a love that was like this. Her parents had set the bars so high for her. They were her gold standard. She wanted a love, as strong as theirs, but then again something in her screamed no, because her father had lost the love of his life and it was devastating to witness. Laura could only imagine, how that felt like. She had experienced enough own pain, when she lost her mother. She couldn’t lose someone important again, not a love like this.  
  
Because a love like this won’t last forever, Kodaline’s words. Then again, Coldplay’s song said ‚… But if you never try, you’ll never know.“ and she thought ‚If you never try, it won’t hurt you.“  
  
_And probably that would become her biggest mistake she was making…_  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _What are you doing?_  
**C.K.:** _drinking egg punch_  
**C.K.:** _why do peopple drink that shit?_  
**Laura:** _Are you drunk?_  
**C.K.:** _yeah, I miht be a little restless._  
  
The student laughed loudly.  
  
**Laura:** _You mean legless._  
**C.K.:** _but I do have legs_  
  
Carmilla sent her a picture.  
  
Her bare legs were resting on the couch.  
  
**Laura:** _You are a cute drunk._  
**C.K.:** _and you are a hot drunk_  
**Laura:** _You’ve never even seen me drunk._  
**C.K.:** _yeah i have when we met_  
**Laura:** _I was a little tipsy_  
**C.K.:** _sure tell yourself whatever you already told me you wanted me that night_  
**Laura:** _I said I wanted to kiss you._  
**C.K.:** _Land sleep with me_  
  
The student shook her head. Land? That probably meant ‚and‘, she thought to herself. She gawked in shock.  
  
**Laura:** _I never said that I wanted to sleep with you that night!_  
**C.K.:** _autocorret_  
**C.K.:** _Laura, sleep with me_  
**C.K.:** _now_  
**Laura:** _Okay, so you are a horny, cute drunk._  
**C.K.:** _no_  
**C.K.:** _I want to sleep with you neside me_  
**C.K.:** _beside_  
**C.K.:** _i miss yuo in my bed_  
  
Laura sighed. She hadn’t expected that now. Sure, she knew, how much Carmilla loved spending the night with her, but reading the drunk messages and knowing the phrase ‚In Vino Veritas‘ … Even though that egg punch was probably not comparable to a good wine.  
  
**Laura:** _You should probably sleep…_  
**C.K.:** _will you be beside me?_  
**Laura:** _Sure._  
  
„2 days until I can do that Carm.“, Laura said out loud, as if Carmilla would be able to hear it.  
  
If she was being honest with herself, she missed her girlfriend’s arms around her too. She’d missed her scent… That heavenly scent of hers… She still wasn’t sure what that was. Carmilla smelled different, when at work, which was intoxicating. At home she smelled like body wash and lotion, which was another form of heaven.  
  
**Laura:** _Sweet dreams, Carm._  
  
…  
  
It was finally the 27th. Laura was on her way home that day. The blonde didn’t let Carmilla pick her up from the airport, because she wanted to surprise her. She’d told her that she’d land somewhere around midnight and would be much too exhausted to function and that she’d just come by the day after. The student also said something about her dad organizing a ride for her.  
  
Actually Laura hadn’t really lied about that part. Her dad made sure that the company that also drove him around, when he was in the country picked up his daughter from the airport. The blonde amateur journalist (along with all of her luggage -thank god for that strong driver) was safely at her dorm room by noon.  
  
She’d have enough time to shower and get some things done, before heading over to her girlfriend’s apartment.  
  
When Laura let her gaze wander through her room (yes, she had missed her gross dorm bed), something immediately caught her eye. The Christmas gifts she had bought for LaF and Perry were resting on her desk. She had even bought something for Danny, which she had given her the week before she flew to London. Her ex-girlfriend had opened it on Christmas and sent her a picture of it. It was an old copy of Jane Austen’s ‚Sense and Sensibility‘ (which she had bought in the same store as Carmilla’s present). It was the redhead’s favorite book.  
  
For LaF she’d bought a white lab coat, on which she had the company that made them, place their name. It was actually a pretty cool gift for someone, who was aspiring to become a doctor. For Perry Laura had bought a knitting kit, knowing how much she enjoyed that. She was just a little sad that she wasn’t able to give it to them yet.  
  
The blonde sighed.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was writing something into the notebook that Laura had gifted her. She smilingly wrote down, how she met the blonde. How it had been a pure coincidence that drove her to the student. She’d been on her way to her mother’s office that day, not expecting to run into the nerd-girl, but life’s full of surprises. She didn’t know, why she wrote it out. Probably to etch it into her brain... Or you know, the pages. She was sure, she would read it one day and think back. Hopefully having written down more things about/with Laura by then.

  
  
On her desk also was the issue of the newspaper, which had the article of her and Ell in it. Carmilla eyed it. She would have to tell her girlfriend. Somehow she didn’t have a good feeling about it.  
  
**Laura:** _Hey what are you doing?_  
  
Her girlfriend texted her and suddenly everything else was unimportant.  
  
**C.K.:** _Thinking of you._  
  
That wasn’t a lie.  
  
**Laura:** _Are you at home? Or am I disturbing you with anything?_  
  
The blonde was so subtle. She was actually waiting in front of Carmilla’s apartment complex.  
  
**C.K.:** _I am at home, why? When’s your flight?_  
  
The student bit her lip, eagerly typing in a reply.  
  
**Laura:** _Please check your mail. I sent a postcard and wanna know, if you’ve received it._  
**C.K.:** _Can’t it wait? I want to finish up something._  
  
Finish up something… That sounded rather…  
  
**Laura:** _Are you touching yourself?_  
**C.K.:** _WHAT THE HELL!!! NO!!!_  
  
The student laughed to herself, and then remembered that she was creeping in front of an apartment complex and that might look a little weird.  
  
**Laura:** _Then you have no valid excuse._  
**Laura:** _Gooooooo and send me a cute selfie with it_  
  
**C.K.:** _I would be excused if I was masturbating? Good to know._  
  
Laura moved to stand next to the mail-boxes that were aligned in front of the entrance hall to Carmilla’s apartment.

 **C.K.:** _How do you even know that it’s here? It’s Sunday._

  
Laura didn’t even have to reply to that anymore, because she then saw, how Carmilla was lazily coming out of the complex, eyes glued to the phone (probably waiting for an answer).  
  
„Because I personally made sure that it arrives on time.“, the student giggled and the brunette immediately looked up to be met by her lover’s soft eyes.  
  
„Laura…“, shock was evident on the professor’s face.  
  
„Hey!“, the blonde approached Carmilla. In that moment both forgot, how they had agreed on never touching too intimately in front of that building. It didn’t even matter now, who could see them. Probably not so wise, but whatever.  
  
Carmilla immediately shoved her iPhone into her grey pants’ pockets and took the last remaining steps to her girlfriend, to embrace her in a hug. She was too eager and even lifted her up from the ground. _Gosh, that girl was light._ Laura squealed and giggled.  
  
„What are you, like 30 kg?“, the brunette asked, still holding her up.  
  
„Someone’s happy to see me!?“, Laura laughed and was finally touching the ground with her feet again. She had no intention in answering her lover’s question, because it didn’t require a proper reply and plus her height and tiny frame made it impossible for her to weigh more than 100 pounds (Could also be the fact that she didn’t even know the equivalent of 30 kg in pounds... Just maybe...).  
  
„What are you doing here?! I thought you’ll land at midnight?“  
  
„Well, I just wanted to surprise you!“  
  
„Oh, you _did_ surprise me!“  
  
„Good surprise?“  
  
„The best!“, Carmilla nodded and smiled entirely too much. She’d missed her. _How she’d missed her._  
  
„Let’s go inside…“  
  
  
  
The moment they entered Carmilla’s apartment, both were kissing passionately and the blonde pinned her girlfriend against the door.  
  
„Easy, sweetheart.“, the professor chuckled, after breaking away to catch her breath.  
  
„I missed you.“, Laura admitted sheepishly.  
  
„Hmn, I can tell.“, the brunette smiled, „Come on, let’s get inside…“  
  
Both made their way to the living room, where once again Laura pulled Carmilla into a tight hug. She’d really missed the older woman. She’d missed the scent of hers. The teacher was wearing her perfume, which was a little faded, because…  
  
  
„Carmilla! Did you smoke?“, Laura asked, immediately pulling away.  
  
„I… Uh…“, the brunette felt caught. Quite frankly, it was a wonder that her lover could trace it, because she’d smoked the last cigarette in the morning.  
  
„Carmilla!“  
  
„I’m sorry, but I…“, she didn’t have a good excuse for smoking.  
  
„I’ve been gone, what? 7 days, and you already start doing that regularly again?“  
  
„I’m sorry sweetheart…“, the professor reached out her hand and surprisingly the blonde didn’t reject her, when she pulled her closer again, but still was looking at her in expectance. „Forgive me?“, Laura still wasn’t saying anything, when Carmilla placed a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek… Her jaw… Her neck… The student drew in a sharp breath (the brunette knew exactly where her weakest spot there was).  
  
„ _No, no, no,_ you can’t just do _that_ and expect me to…“, she couldn’t continue, because Carmilla was sucking on her skin, right on that very sensitive spot.  
  
„I can’t expect you to…? _What?_ “, the teacher talked in a lower, more raspier tone than normal, knowing exactly, how she could make that other girl crazy.  
  
Nonetheless Laura finally broke free and made her way to the couch.  
  
„You’ll be punished for that. You have to watch _‚Dr. Who‘_ with me now.“  
  
The blonde had actually expected her lover to complain, but Carmilla sat down beside her, without a word and took the remote to turn on the TV. She knew from the Sunday they had spent together, two weeks ago, on which channel the show was playing.  
  
„Well _that_ was easy…“, Laura remarked, looking at the other woman in suspicion.  
  
„What was, sweetheart?“, Carmilla asked, getting settled on to the couch and lifting her right arm a little, to gesture her lover that she should come cuddle.  
  
„I thought you’d be protesting a little more. You don’t even like that show.“, the blonde settled against her girlfriend.  
  
_I like everything that involves you being around_.  Karnstein was so freaking screwed.  
  
„I never said, I didn’t like that show!“  
  
„Really? What’s the title character’s name?“, Laura was looking at her expectantly. Well knowing that it was a trick question of some sort.  
  
„ _Dr. Who_ probably…“, the brunette thought she was being smart now.  
  
„Oh, Carm…“, Laura didn’t even bother to explain her girlfriend the broad world of her favorite series, Carmilla probably wouldn’t even notice that every once in a while the Doctor was portrayed by a different actor, „We can watch something else.“  
  
„Sweetheart, I really don’t mind, watching that.“ That Hollis girl could be watching the Teletubbies and she’d watch them with her. She just was glad to have her back.  
  
Laura frowned a little. Carmilla was never like this. Where was that endless teasing? Plus, also normally she would protest, if the blonde denied her kissing -which she did earlier.  
  
_Super weird!_

  
  
„What did you do? Spill.“, the student asked. The brunette was acting strange in Laura’s eyes.  
  
„What?“, Carmilla asked, totally clueless.  
  
Laura - _Dumbass, Ms. Making Assumptions is my Life_ \- Hollis was of course jumping to conclusions. (Not knowing, how much her girlfriend actually enjoyed her plain company…)  
  
„Oh, is it about the cigarettes? I swear, I’m trying to get rid of that habit… I’m already down to 2-4 per week… That’s pretty good progress.“, the professor explained. It really was a great change.  
  
„You sure, you don’t want to tell me _anything_ else?“, the blonde cautiously asked.  
  
Carmilla - _Clueless, Ms. I Have Deeply Fallen in Love with my Student_ \- Karnstein then remembered. She indeed had to tell her girlfriend something.  
  
„Well um… Actually…“, the professor rose up -Laura immediately releasing her- and paced to her bedroom, only to shortly after come back with her hands behind her back, „There are two things… The first one is something good and the second one is something bad…“, Laura gulped, „Well not bad… But it is something you might not like… You pick.“  
  
„I want the bad thing first.“  
  
Carmilla looked at her intently, before handing over the newspaper, in which the article about her was.  
  
„I can’t read German, you know that.“, the student said, after eying the paper skeptically. _What the hell was that?_  
  
„Turn to page 13.“, the brunette calmly said, while placing the present, she was holding in the other hand on the small coffee table beside the sofa.  
  
Carmilla was standing, watching Laura, when she had reached the mentioned page. She roamed over the newspaper, when suddenly her facial expression changed.  
  
  
„It’s a picture of us, when we were in high school. I have no idea, how they got that… But basically what the article says, is that I am one of the first queer teachers - _well, openly_ \- in Styria. Hail on Silas University for being so diverse and open to… _People_.“  
  
Carmilla hated labels. Why would she have to identify as something? She found terms like ,lesbian’ and ,gay’ or even the word ,straight’ offensive. Who had decided that being heterosexual was ,straight’? Didn’t straight imply that it was _normal_? Didn’t that mean that all the other ,identifications’ were _not normal_? She refused to be referred to as any of that. She preferred being a human being instead of having to identify herself based on a stupid label.  
  
„Why are they writing about you?“  
  
„My mother-“, the brunette didn’t even need to finish her sentence.  
  
„ _Oh boy._ “  
  
„Yeah… I think she did that after those rumors about me were spread… It’s just too convenient now... You know… Now she is in a good light again. Because her university is such an accepting place and blah… Plus having a… _Lesbian_ daughter is a bonus too… It just makes me sick to think that she never had been understanding of me and then she does something like that…“, Carmilla was furious about the fact that her mother couldn’t accept her privately, but when it came to publicity, she was ready to push her daughter into the spotlight. Laura had remained silent through her little rambling-session, which the brunette caught onto fast. The blonde was gazing at the picture in front of her.  
  
  
„You look happy on that picture… I mean… I can’t see you that well, because she’s sucking your face, bu-“  
  
„Okay, enough.“, Carmilla snatched the paper out of Laura’s hands, paced out of the room and placed it in a drawer in her kitchen. She would need it later on, when confronting her mother about it.  
  
  
  
When she came back, she saw the blonde staring into blank space. She had known that Laura wouldn’t like that. They were together for some weeks now and someone decided to put a picture of her with another woman in the newspaper. She wouldn’t like to see pictures of Laura with Danny kissing either. _Newspaper or not_. Although the paper thing was a little more adding to the fact, because many people actually saw that.  
  
Maybe it was not quite the right time to tell her lover that she’d payed Ell a visit.  
  
Carmilla hadn’t mentioned her at all during Christmas and Laura figured that there hadn’t been anything to talk about.

  
„Sweetheart… That was a long time ago.“, the brunette tried to comfort the girl beside her, as she occupied the seat next to her again.  
  
„I know.“, finally Laura’s eyes met hers and she was genuinely smiling. (Because she was relieved that it was something ‚ _as small as this_ ’…)  
  
Why did the picture bother her so much though? The blonde had felt her heart sink, when she’d seen the picture. Laura’d never felt such a strong pull towards someone.  
  
  
„Good, we’re good right…?“, Carmilla asked tentatively.  
  
„ _Of course we are_ , It’s not your fault that your mother is _such a bitch_ …“  
  
The professor’s eyes widened for a moment, when Laura caught onto the fact that she’d just called her girlfriend’s mother a bitch.  
  
„Oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“  
  
„Don’t worry about it, I agree with you on that one…“, Carmilla sighed and then her eye fell onto the present resting on the coffee table, „Hey… You have yet to open your Christmas present.“  
  
Laura’s eyes followed her girlfriend’s gaze and spotted said thing. Carmilla reached out, picked up the little rectangular shaped thing and gave it to the blonde. Said girl shook it a little.  
  
„Is it chocolate? Because I just _love_ chocolate.“, the student said, mocking the brunette, because she said something resembling to that ( **not** ), when she’d gotten her present.  
  
„Open it, _monkey._ “, Carmilla ordered and was looked at with a frown.  
  
„ _Monkey_?“, Laura asked with knit eyebrows.  
  
„Don’t like the pet name?“  
  
The brunette flashed her teeth (something she didn’t do that often) and that was beautiful. Normally Carmilla would smirk slightly or wear a plain expression on her face. Even that teasing smile never consisted of showing off her teeth too much. However, when she did smile with her teeth, it was the most magical thing. To Laura.  
  
_Wow. **She.** Wow._  
  
Laura forgot the present for the moment and leaned forwards, ignoring the image of Carmilla smoking or doing anything else that didn’t appease her, and kissed her. The dark haired beauty certainly hadn’t expected that. Her eyes were open for the 2,9 seconds that kiss had lasted, eyebrows meeting her hairline.  
  
„What was _that_ for?“, the professor asked after Laura broke away again.  
  
„You’re pretty.“ _Pretty beautiful._  
  
Carmilla closed her eyes for some seconds and shook her head slightly, frowning a little. When she looked at Laura again, she was already halfway through, ripping apart the wrapping paper. A cream-white box started to show. Anyone could tell that this was jewelry. Was it too soon for her to be getting her girlfriend jewelry? Somehow now it seemed like a bad idea. Laura stared at it for a long time, before finally opening the box.  
  
„ _Wow_ …“  
  
The brunette observed her lover thoroughly. Was that genuine? She wasn’t sure. Laura smirked slightly and traced along the bracelet. She looked up to Carmilla, and her smile grew wider.  
  
„It’s really beautiful, Carm.“, the blonde took it out of the box, finally noticing the pendant hanging loosely on one of the silver rings that the bracelet was made of, „… What does the book stand for?“  
  
„For me, well kind of… Or I don’t know... I just thought that you’d associate it with me, because you know...“  
  
Laura laughed out loud, „Because you are my English Lit professor? You got me a bracelet to remind me of that?“  
  
Of course that’t the reason... _She loves you and wants you to have something that reminds you of her, dorkface.  
  
_ „Yeah, right. Because of that.“, Carmilla watched, as Laura was still eying the bracelet, her fingertips brushing the sterling silver.  
  
  
  
„You know... I was intrigued by you since the moment I met you.“, the brunette suddenly started talking, as the student still was eying the box with the piece of jewelry in front of her.  
  
The blonde shot her a surprised stare, „ _Me?_ _You_ were intrigued by _me_?“  
  
„Why is it so hard to believe?“  
  
„Because you seemed all callous and indifferent to me.“, Laura remembered, how it had driven her crazy, when she’d dodged her questions, or how she hadn’t shaken her hand, when she reached out.  
  
Carmilla looked down. She knew, she was good at keeping up her cool act. She’d perfected it throughout the years. She knew, how girls were eating from her palm, when she did that. Laura however seemed to give in to her, when she’d played out the ‚ _vulnerable_ ‘ card. _The real her._ Another reason, why Carmilla loved her.  
  
„Put it on me?“, Laura asked, while pointing to the bracelet. Carmilla did, as she was asked.  
  
„It looks good on you. You have a bracelet arm.“, the brunette said, after it was safely placed on her girlfriend’s wrist.  
  
„Thank you. I love it Carm…“, the blonde smiled, sighed and eyed the gift intently. Suddenly she knit her brows together. Never had she received something like that from another person. It was intimate. It was real. It was something other than a weird pop culture poster or the laptop case by _Paul Frank_ that she had gotten from Danny the Christmas before.  
  
  
„You don’t like it, right?“, the dark haired woman saw the blonde’s faltering expression and suddenly her heart ached. She had screwed this up.  
  
„What?!“, Laura met her lover’s gaze, „ _Of course I like it_ , why’d you think I wouldn’t love it?“  
  
„I don’t know… You don’t look like you do...“, the brunette fixated her gaze on her own knuckles in her lap, „I have literally searched through every shop in town on Monday… It was horrible… I’m sorry, if you don’t like it, I can retur-“ _I couldn’t find anything worthy of you._  
  
„Oi, don’t get so crazy about this! _I really love this!_ It’s just… This is the first jewelry that I’ve received… From a girlfriend, I mean… It kind of means a lot, you know? So... No negative feelings about this, please.“  
  
„Oh? Actually... Me too…“, Carmilla smiled and then grasped that, what she’d said didn’t make sense, „I mean, I haven’t ever gifted someone jewelry… I always thought that’s cheesy and I don’t know… But then I saw _this_ … I just wanted to get you something that will remind you of me everyday… And I made sure to buy you something that you could wear all the time…“  
  
„It’s perfect.“, Laura traced along her bracelet, stopped at the little silver book and looked up, „Come here, kiss me.“  
  
Carmilla smiled at her and closed off the distance between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rant to me over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	20. Karnstein, You Are Royally Screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The visit to Karnstein Manor.  
> Carmilla's struggles with her feelings.  
> The couple finds something that's strange.  
> Maybe there is a little angsty-something at the end.  
> The title of this chapter fits for various reasons.  
> Just go on, read and you will find out.  
> Let's just say: the drama begins.

„That’s… That’s where you grew up?“, Laura eyed the huge mansion in front of them in awe. It was Monday, two more days and the dean would come back. So the couple took the chance to sneak into the house and find any leverage they could find on the ominous meetings the dean and Ellena were having.  
  
„Yes, welcome to the Karnstein manor...“, the dark haired woman looked at her partner (in crime) with a pained expression, „Laura, we don’t really have to do this together. I can just quickly hop in and-“  
  
„Nonsense! I wanna be a part of it, besides I was the one, who suggested it, remember?“, the amateur journalist was absolutely too excited about this.  
  
Carmilla couldn’t say much anymore. She held out her hand for her girlfriend to take and led her up the hill to the front porch of the mansion. After the brunette had unlocked the door, she shot the student another questioning look, who nodded assuringly, and let her in.  
  
The big wooden staircase, which was made of expensive mahogany was the first thing to catch Laura’s eyes. The blonde knew that Carmilla’s father had designed and built the house (he apparently he had been some big shot architect), but the detailed carvings into the wood made it seem like an antique staircase. The man knew his work apparently. Or knew, where to spend a huge amount of money, to find people, who could manufacture pieces like that.  
  
  
  
„Laura?“, the voice of the dark haired woman was muffled. Where the hell did Carmilla vanish so fast? How the hell was this house real? Laura’s family was wealthy as well, but _that_ was clearly another league. The blonde was never brought up to show off. This mansion clearly was not made for modest people.  
  
„Carm? Where are you?“, Laura obviously was held up with staring at the nice paintings and chandeliers hanging down whatever room she was in, in that moment, that she hadn’t noticed her girlfriend was already going ahead towards some other room. Later on Carmilla would tell her that it only was a kind of lounge for guests or whatever business people the dean was having over.  
  
  
  
„I told you not to lose sight of me, sweetheart.“, the professor emerged from somewhere and held out her hand again.  
  
„This place is like a museum, Carm. Your mother owns a freaking ‚Renoir‘!“, Laura pointed over to said painting. Her eyes went wide, „I mean, those are originals right?“  
  
„Yes, I don’t think my mother would have fake paintings in her house. It would lower her ego.“  
  
„Wicked.“  
  
Carmilla was utterly amused by the amateur journalist, who was looking as if she were a child in a candy store.  
  
„Sweetheart, we came here to do something, remember?“, the teacher cocked her eyebrows and nodded in direction of the staircase.  
  
„Right, upstairs, got it.“  
  
  
  
Both were in Renata Karnstein’s study. Carmilla was sitting at the desk, going through the most recent things that her mother had left there, whereas Laura was sifting through some drawers in the other end of the room.  
  
The search had been long and excruciating -for Laura- from crouching down so much that she needed a pause. She stood straight and stretched a little. Satisfied with the cracking sounds that her body was making. Suddenly she felt two hands on her waist and a pair of lips on her neck.  
  
„Do you need a short break?“, Carmilla asked against her neck.  
  
„Mhm… Did you find anything interesting?“, the blonde asked, while placing her own hands over the ones of the brunette, which were now resting on her stomach and turning her head to the direction of her lover’s face.  
  
„No, just some stupid editorials on budget cuts and stuff that is about the school. Nothing involving Ell yet. We shouldn’t forget her bedroom. We have to go through the things in there too. I’m sure Renata Karnstein has some of her dirty secrets hidden away in her floor boards.“  
  
„She has floor boards? …Like secret passages?“  
  
„No, it was just a figure of speech. I just want to be thorough. We might find something in her closet, I don’t know.“, Carmilla let go of her lover’s stomach and turned her around in her embrace. The brunette leaned in to kiss Laura, who let it happen, but broke away soon.  
  
„Maybe we should go do that first, I don’t want my back to hurt more than it already is from crouching on the floor.“  
  
„Sorry, you can take over the desk after that and I can do the remaining documents in mother’s archive system, if you want.“  
  
„Yes, much appreciated. Come on, lead the way to the dean’s ominous bedroom.“  
  
„Is it nasty that the first thought I had, when you mentioned ‚bedroom‘, is you, naked in my mother’s bed?“, Carmilla smirked, imagining said thing in her head.  
  
„Uh, **YES.** Don’t even think about it, Karnstein.“, Laura gave the woman a pointed look, „I’m  not having sex with you there.“  
  
The brunette sighed, „A girl can dream, can’t she? Let’s go.“  
  
How exciting the thought was. Her mother’s bed being ruined by - **NOT THE TIME FOR THAT.**  
  
The couple got out of the study and Carmilla immediately led them through a corridor with some closed doors. Laura wanted to ask where the doors all led to (her journalist self getting too excited) but they were pacing so quickly that she didn’t have the chance to. After another few steps they stood in front of a dark wooden door (this family had a thing for dark things apparently, no wonder Carmilla liked dark colors so much…).  
  
„Hold your breath… We are about to enter the master bedroom.“, Carmilla mocked and wiggled with her eyebrows, before opening the door. „I’ll be quick with the bedside tables, then we can go through the closet together, if you want.“, Carmilla let go of her lover’s hand and went for the search. Laura let her gaze wander through the room.  
  
Everything had its own designated place. The room was an OCD-heaven, if one were to describe that place. It was cleaned -spick and span- and it apparently had been meticulously measured out to fit in the furniture perfectly. It was a neat square room with a giant bed on the middle by the far wall and chesterfields on each side of the room. For what purpose actually? To lounge around in the bedroom? Laura saw no use in having them in the bedroom.  
  
The herringbone parquet floor reminded Laura of the one her dad had in his study. Three square-shaped windows let in enough sunlight to enlighten the place, but the room was radiating something cold. No pictures of the family, nothing that indicated that someone was living in that room. The bed looked like no one had slept in it for years. It was made perfectly. No wrinkles in the sheets. 8 rectangular pillows in different sizes were decorating the bed.  
  
  
  
„There’s literally _nothing_ in here… I hate it…“, the brunette groaned in frustration and buried her head in Laura’s blonde locks, while pulling her into a hug. The student was taken aback a little, but still was reading through the document in her hand, while absentmindedly patting her girlfriend’s back.  
  
„… This is in German, but I am pretty sure, it’s nothing we are looking for. Internationale English-ee shue- I can’t read that word.“  
  
Carmilla, who still was holding onto Laura, turned her head a little, opened an eye and swiftly read a couple of sentences, before burying her head into the crook of the student’s neck again.  
  
„That’s a letter from my high school. Stating that I am a wunderkind of some sorts.“, the dark haired woman murmured into Laura’s neck.  
  
„What? Then why didn’t you skip grades in high school?“  
  
„Because the school wouldn’t let me. There was some deal with me being too young to graduate, if I skipped more grades.“  
  
The blonde shook her head in disbelieve, „Oh god, you really are a robot, aren’t you?“  
  
„No. You gotta stop thinking I was a prodigy, I really wasn’t that kind of smart. My mother just made me do my homework with her, she made me study for at least 3 hours a day, my weekends often consisted of repeating stuff for my exams that were far, far away. I wasn’t given a choice to be average. I was always brought up to be exceptional. My mother taught me endless diligence. And some day I just told myself that I enjoyed being good. I enjoyed being on top of everything. That is something I am proud of today, actually. If someone has the diligence, they can be exceptional in anything.“  
  
„What about your dad? Was he strict too?“, at that Carmilla got out of the embrace, snatched the letter from Laura, read the last few lines, and threw it to the pile, where it belonged to. The student wished, she hadn’t asked.  
  
„He unfortunately never was around that much. My mother wanted more and more and more. She was insufferable. He worked so hard, just to please her… We were never poor, not even average-wealthy… Always top of the top. I mean, everyone would assume it, if they saw our house, our lifestyle back then... This wasn’t even remotely enough for _that woman_ …“, the professor chuckled, „There was a time, when I was embarrassed to bring my friends here… Not that I had many… I was always the girl, who came to school in a private car… I only had… _Ell_ … She loved the luxury, the comfort…“, she shook her head and changed the subject, „With my dad gone most of the time, working, I was stuck here with mother… No father to protect me from the evil dean.“  
  
„I’m sorry, Carm. It sounds like he missed out a lot.“  
  
Carmilla glared at Laura, „It’s not like he wanted to! _She didn’t let him spend time with me!_ “  
  
„I didn’t imply anything… Sorry.“, the journalism student replied, with a shake of her head. She was on thin ice, she knew. The brunette’s face immediately softened. She still wasn’t in full control of her temper. Not around this subject.  
  
„I know, don’t apologize. I should be the one to say sorry.“, Carmilla approached her girlfriend again and pulled her into her arms, „She wanted the stars and he tried everything to get her the moon. Only his rocket didn’t have enough fuel for him to come back.“, the dark haired woman whispered. Laura had no idea, what that meant or how her girlfriend’s father died in the first place, but let it go. Carmilla would tell her, if she wanted to, she was pretty sure of it. No more pushing in that matter.  
  
  
  
„I think we won’t find _anything_ over here anymore…“, the blonde defeatedly said and sighed, after going through another set of German postcards. Damn, Mrs. Karnstein sure had a lot of friends or however one could call people that were stuck in her ass from all the sucking up to her.  
  
„Yeah, maybe we should go, try the office once more. There’s still stuff on the desk for you to go through. I’m gonna take a look at those other documents in the cupboards.“  
  
The couple put everything in place again and almost were on their way back to the study, when Laura cleared her throat, causing Carmilla to look back at her in confusion.  
  
„What is it?“  
  
„That’s your room, isn’t it?“, Laura nodded over to the wooden door opposite to the master bedroom with a golden ‚C‘ decorating the wood.  
  
„ _What_ tipped you off?“, the dark haired woman chuckled and shook her head, „Alright, I know, you are dying to see my childhood bedroom… Might as well show it to you now, so you can stop whining about it.“  
  
„Oi! I do not whine.“, Laura pouted.  
  
„Clearly…“, Carmilla smirked at her and tugged on her hand. Laura smiled and giggled like a little school child. The brunette’s smile got gentle at that. Loving, even.  
  
_God, why is she so freaking adorable?_  
  
The professor opened the door to her old bedroom and turned on the lights. That was necessary, because the thick black curtains were blocking any sunlight that could enlighten the place.  
  
„Woah.“, Laura’s gaze fell to the blood red walls and the slightly gothic decor. A chandelier made of black crystals was hanging down the ceiling. „See, _that’s_ what I expected, when I went to your place for the first time.“, the blonde chuckled and paced around a bit, before coming to a halt in front of a shelf. It was pretty full still and Laura couldn’t help, but wonder why Carmilla hadn’t taken all of her books to her place.  
  
„I didn’t take every single one of them to my apartment, because they wouldn’t fit. And most of them are in German anyways. I don’t like to read in German that much anymore.“, Carmilla answered the question, before it came up. Her father would read and talk in German to her, he despised the English language and its usage in his house.  
  
The bed made a weird noise, when the brunette sat down on the edge of it. She hadn’t been in that room for a long time. Her hands were holding her up, as she leaned back a little and eyed her girlfriend with a smirk. Laura turned to her, caught her staring at her and eyed her suspiciously.

  
„What?“, the blonde wanted to know.  
  
„Nothing… I’m just trying to come up with the reason of why you’d be interested in my room.“  
  
„Because you grew up here. I want to get to know your _teenage-you_ a little more. And-“, something caught the blonde’s eye on Carmilla’s desk, which was right next to the bed. The dark haired woman immediately knew, what it was, when she followed her gaze.  
  
„Our last family picture together. It was on my 21st birthday.“, the student just looked from afar, not daring to go to the desk to pick up the frame, so Carmilla did it for her. She stood up and nodded Laura over, so she instantly came almost running and looked at her girlfriend shyly.  
  
„Can I see?“  
  
„Of course.“, the brunette replied in a soft voice and smiled gently, showing the girl the picture.  
  
„You look great.“, Laura couldn’t help, but acknowledge that Carmilla was indeed a gorgeous woman, „And your mother looks almost… Like a nice, decent human being.“  
  
„Yeah. She could fool anyone. The biggest fool was my dad though. For falling for her. He should never have met her. She ruined him.“  
  
„Don’t say _that_ …“, Laura whispered, reached up and the back of her hand was stroking Carmilla’s cheek, the professor leaned into the touch.  
  
„It’s true though…“, Carmilla said, with her eyes trained on the frame. Laura felt the endless pain radiating from her girlfriend in that moment.  
  
„But if they hadn’t, we wouldn’t be standing here today… You wouldn’t be here… _With me_.“, the journalism student said with a frown.  
  
Carmilla immediately locked eyes with the blonde, her heart swelling up from the words. This was the sweetest thing Laura could have said in that moment.  
  
_I love you. I love you so, so much._  
  
The dark haired woman put the frame back on the desk and pulled the student by her arms towards herself and kissed her ardently. Laura’s reflex was fast, as she immediately buried her hands into soft hair, also urging her girlfriend to more contact. The breathing of both women picked up speed and Carmilla pushed the journalism student gently, until she was suddenly lying on the bed -which caught her by surprise.  
  
Laura had no time to argue about this though, because suddenly the brunette was above her and placing kisses all over her neck.  
  
„Carm… We… Should…“, she was shushed with a fierce kiss, a hand was already underneath her shirt.  
  
How the hell was she in that situation? She couldn’t help herself though, that woman knew, how to shut her up. The hand trailed over her stomach and the kisses on her neck and jawline continued. The blonde looked up the ceiling, ready to complain, ready to break it off, but something in her couldn’t. This was too good. Carmilla’s lips on her skin felt too good. Her touch was like fire, burning her up, but soothing at the same time. She’d missed that. The intimate contact. The night before was all about cuddling and appreciating each other’s presence, which of course was great too, but this was a whole other form of _great._ This was _fucking great_. Literally. Not that Laura was thinking of _that_ now. Never!  
  
„We still… Work… I…“, the blonde’s words were swallowed up by a deep inhale, because there was a suspiciously strange sound that brought her out of the sentence. Laura looked down at her own body, which was half naked. Her grey bra was showing and her ribcage was rising and falling too quickly.  
  
„Did you just… Tear my shirt apart?“, the student asked, with her eyes wide, shock evident on her face. Some buttons were unscathed and just slipped through the small slit in the fabric, whereas other buttons were completely yanked off, only some loose strings hanging from their original place.  
  
„I’m sorry… I…“, Carmilla looked at her own hands, which still were fisting the fabric, incredulously but shook her head then, ready to get on with whatever she had planned. She lowered herself on her lover and whispered right beneath Laura’s ear, „I promise, I’ll buy you a new one…“  
  
The blonde squirmed a little, because that was becoming too steamy and she promised herself not to lose her will. She meant it, when she said that there was no sex happening in that house. However _technically_ they were talking about the dean’s bedroom, when she had said that- but so not the point. She was just about to complain (for the 3rd time now…), but again Carmilla did something to stop her instantly.  
  
There was a wet path from the valley between Laura’s breasts to her navel -made by: Carmilla’s tongue. The brunette blew air onto the thin strip of moisture on the blonde’s body and saw the goosebumps erupting.  
  
„God… What are you doing…“  
  
„Shhh…“

The dark haired woman cocked an eyebrow, and without breaking eye-contact with her girlfriend, she popped open the first button of Laura’s pants. They were high-waisted jeans with 5 buttons instead of the normal button-zipper combination. „One.“, Carmilla said in her raspy voice, still holding the blonde’s eyes captive. „All you have to say is you want me to stop.“  
  
„Carmilla, we have to go through th-“, the dark haired woman lowered her head and kissed along the exposed skin right above Laura’s underwear. _Breathe, Hollis. Breathe._  
  
„Say something, _if you want me to stop_ , sweetheart. Not what we ought to do.“  
  
_Silence._  
  
Carmilla was leaning on one arm, locking eyes with the girl beneath her, again another button popped open with just a single flick of the brunette’s left forefinger and thumb.  
  
„Two.“  
  
Laura bit her lip, her breathing clearly picking up speed.  
  
„Three.“,  the teacher cocked her eyebrows in expectance again, with no response. Only a stare. _Anticipating almost._ Honey meets Pitch-black.  
  
„Four.“, Carmilla emphasized her seducing-progress a little more, by using two of her hands, as she was now kneeling between Laura’s parted legs.  
  
„If you don’t stop me _now_ …“, the professor said, but she already knew the answer, when her lover’s eyes flew shut.  
  
„Five.“  
  
  
  
„ _What was that?_ “, Laura asked, as soon as she felt her pulse normalizing again. Carmilla’s head was beside hers, planting kisses all over her exposed shoulders and neck on the left side of her body. Laura’s scent did a number on her. She smelled different... The brunette only shrugged and kissed her again and again and again…  
  
Each time silently saying something in her head.  
  
_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._ **God, I love you.**  
  
  
„Carm?“, the blonde urged her girlfriend to look at her.  
  
„What?“, Carmilla propped herself up on her arm and looked down at the girl with a questioning glare.  
  
„That…?“, Laura motioned over her halfway exposed torso and her jeans, which were down by her knees (Carmilla was accommodating enough to slide on her underwear after she was done with her.)  
  
„You need an explanation for _that_?“  
  
„Well…“, the student shook her head, „Not exactly for _that_ … But what…I mean, _why_?“  
  
„Can’t I sleep with my girlfriend, when I feel like it?“, Carmilla asked, with her brows knit together.  
  
„But this wasn’t sleeping with me, this was… _I don’t know_.“ She didn’t. It was so out of context. Or was Carmilla thinking of doing that the whole time?  
  
„Didn’t you like it?“  
  
„No, I did… But… Where did it come from?“  
  
How hard it was, to explain it. Carmilla’s feelings were flooded earlier and she didn’t know where to with them. She felt like she had to at least physically let the blonde know, how much she worshipped her. However now, being pestered with questions, Carmilla wasn’t so sure, if that was a good call.  
  
The brunette sighed, „I’m sorry, if you felt uncomfortable, I won’t do this again…“, she was just about to get up, but was held back.  
  
„No, no, no!“, Laura’s face softened into a gentle smile, „I didn’t mind, it was just out of the blue, you know? Because one moment we are talking about your complicated family dynamics and the next second you seduce me here… I just… Don’t feel bad about this, I… Uh… Liked it.“, Carmilla’s eyes instantly locked on her girlfriend’s. Laura arched her back, to put her jeans into place again, sliding it on her hips.  
  
„Liked it, huh?“, there was that brooding, seducing hot professor again…  
  
Laura blushed, „Yes, very much…“  
  
„Good, because it better be worth it that you ruined my 300€ duvet.“, the dark haired woman chuckled and looked down to the stain on the bed.  
  
„Oh my god!!!“, the blonde suddenly jumped up from the bed and quickly buttoned up her jeans. Her torn shirt still clinging on her arms -barely. „What if _she_ sees this?!“  
  
„Who?“, Carmilla clearly was confused now, getting herself to a seated position and appreciating the stain.  
  
„Your mother!!! We have to… Wash it or-“, the journalism student gestured with her hand.  
  
„This won’t survive a conventional washing machine, it has to be cleaned professionally… Relax, sweetheart, we’ll just turn it around, no big deal…“, the teacher stood up and swiftly did, as she said and presented her work, „Et voilà, no one’s gonna suspect anything.“  
  
Laura’s demeanor changed from panic to relief. Her girlfriend approached her and got her out of the barely-shirt. Carmilla looked at her assuringly and paced to a door, which apparently led to her wardrobe. All those walkable closets…  
  
  
„Here, take this.“, Carmilla was holding out a grey loose shirt with a black pocket in front of it, when she came back. Laura put it on and looked down at herself.  
  
„How is that any better than that shirt? Carmilla, it’s sheer.“  
  
„I like it on you.“, the older woman chuckled, „Besides, you don’t wanna know, what else I got back there…“  
  
„Really? How do your other clothing items get to show off more than this?“, the journalism student clearly was not so fond of anyone seeing her body. Carmilla didn’t understand it, she was perfect.  
  
„I have a corset back there, which would barely cover your…“, the brunette smirked as she trailed down the blonde girl’s torso with her fingertips, „… Uh, and some other really short crop tops…“  
  
„Ugh, fine.“  
  
„I really don’t know, why you’re making such a big deal out of this, I have seen your blue shirt with the white bowties, that’s half-sheer too.“  
  
„Yeah, but I only wear it under my sweaters… This shirt is loose and like really see-through…“, then Laura was taken aback, „ _Wait_ … You pay attention to my clothes…?“  
  
„Of course. I might have imagined myself, tearing that blue shirt apart, once or twice, when you wore it.“, the brunette replied almost instantly and wiggled with her eyebrows. _What a fatal mistake, Karnstein._ You are trying to be too cocky again.  
  
„But... I haven’t worn that shirt for like 2 months now…“, Laura narrowed her eyes to a slit and then a eyebrow shot up, „You have been thinking about _that_ back then?“  
  
Ooops. Retreat, Karnstein, retreat.  
  
„ _Actuaaaaally_ … I remember some work waiting for us… Maybe we should get back to it, before-“, the dark haired beauty was clearly blushing a bit. What a rare sight. And so delightful. **Busted!**  
  
„Carmilla...?“  
  
  
  
„Any luck yet?“, Laura asked the woman, who was kneeling on the floor, going over some random document in her hands. The blonde was also reading through a bank statement, which she found in one of the drawers.  
  
„Nope… I know how much that stupid ZETA house cost to the faculty but-“  
  
„Carm! This is it!“, the blonde exclaimed.  
  
„What?“

  „I think, I may have found something!“, Carmilla looked at her in alarm and quickly rushed over to the desk.  
  
„What have you found?“, she instantly was behind her girlfriend, who was sitting on the chair by the desk and looked at the held out document, „I have taken a look at this before… But what is so strange about that?“  
  
„Over here…“, Laura pointed over to said thing.  
  
**K.E.M.**  
**GR** 23 2384 6104 2381 2394 7483 000  
  
„And? I looked over them. Those are from the donations for the SU charity thing, aren’t they?“, Carmilla still was clueless.  
  
The blonde huffed out a breath, „No! The IBAN code…? GR… Means it’s a Greek bank account. And see, here it says ‚ _Geniki Bank_ ‘. My father has mentioned something about them once. This is not a charity-donation thing. This is a direct transfer to a private business bank account in Greece.“, Laura looked at her girlfriend expectantly, who still was being skeptical, „My dad’s a man in the finance section, remember? I picked up from him to look at those minor details rather than at account names. This is it. This is our connection.“  
  
„But this could be anything, we don’t even know, if it has anything to do with Ell, right?“, Carmilla shook her head. She couldn’t make any connections with this.  
  
„Seriously, Carmilla? K. E. M. ring a bell? Kosta-something Ellena Mariana. That’s her full name, isn’t it? I remember it from the wedding invitation. Vaguely.“ She would never forget that name and that face and the image of her girlfriend kissing her.  
  
Laura was right, there was no indication left anymore for it to be something else. The professor was really thinking hardly about that. Apparently there was money trafficking involved. She took the document and eyed it thoroughly. 5.000€ were transferred from an unknown bank account in Switzerland to the one in Greece.  
  
„You are a genius.“, Carmilla slowly stated out, with her gaze still fixated on the document, „You, Laura Hollis, you are a freaking genius.“, the brunette leaned her left hand onto the desk, „Is there more of this?“  
  
„Yeah, but I think, we should take one with us for now. And I’m taking pictures of the others. It won’t be suspicious if one goes missing, but we shouldn’t take chances and leave with all of them.“  
  
The brunette put down the document again, scratching her forehead. She didn’t know what to make of this information. There was one logic story to this. Carmilla didn’t want to go there though. She had to confront both of the women about this. Her mother and Ell. She had to hear this from them personally. If her fear became true… She would deal with it then…  
  
The dark haired woman stared at Laura, who was enthusiastically taking pictures of all the documents that were associated with the bank account. She still hadn’t told Laura about the meeting with Ell. Carmilla knew that she soon had to, but before all of that this issue had to be solved. Laura slowly turned and noticed the gaze on her.  
  
„Carm? We don’t know for sure yet what that means, right? It could be _anything_ …“, the blonde slowly started, also thinking about the only story that popped up to her mind.  
  
„Yeah, no, you’re right. I’m not thinking anything…“  
  
Both were in fact thinking exactly the same. Laura felt sick. She wasn’t 100% sure yet what this new-found information meant exactly, but the imagination left nothing unclear actually. Ell was paid off. However the _why_ … Laura just hoped it wasn’t, what she thought it was.  
  
„I have pictures of all of those transfers I could find… Maybe we should get-“  
  
„When was the first one that you could find?“  
  
„What?“  
  
„I need you to tell me when the first transfer was made… Or the eldest one you could find…“  
  
„The earliest transfer goes back to 2009, in September.“  
  
Carmilla exhaled deeply. That was two years after Ell had gone back to Greece.  
  
„I turned 18 in 2009.“ A useless piece of information, the brunette knew that much, but she couldn’t think of any other event that could explain the sudden transfers. Of course there could be other prior existing documents that her mother simply hadn’t kept…  
  
„We should put all of the other stuff back and get going…“, Laura tried once more, „We have everything we need now.“  
  
Carmilla’s eyes locked with the ones of her girlfriend, who was slowly rising up from the chair.  
  
„Yeah, you’re right. Let’s put everything back to place.“  
  
…  
  
Carmilla hadn’t said anything to Laura since they had left Karnstein Manor.  
  
The blonde was sitting at the dining table, going through some of her emails, as she noticed that her girlfriend was still staring into blank space on the couch. With a heavy sigh she stood up and made her way to where Carmilla was seated.  
  
„Are you hungry?“, the student asked and ran her fingers through the dark locks. There was a simple head shake. Laura got back to the dining table, took her laptop and sat beside her lover. The blonde then snuggled into Carmilla’s side, who immediately wrapped her arm around her.  
  
„Do you wanna watch anything?“, Laura couldn’t see her face, so she’d have to respond verbally.  
  
„No… Just… Can we not do anything at all?“  
  
The amateur journalist looked back to her and set her laptop on the coffee table, before leaning back sidewards, with the armrest behind her back and motioning her girlfriend over.  
  
„Come on, get into my embrace.“  
  
Carmilla did, as she was told. She was lying on top of Laura, her head resting on the blonde’s chest. Her steady heartbeat was soothing. The brunette felt safe. She felt at home. A gentle hand was stroking her hair, the other calming her by just resting on her back.  
  
  
„What would I do without you?“, Carmilla broke the silence.  
  
Laura frowned (which the professor didn’t see), „What do you mean?“  
  
„I couldn’t think of what to do, if you weren’t here, by my side. With everything now...“  
  
„If I wasn’t here, you probably never would be in this situation.“  
  
The words were true. If Laura hadn’t been in her life, she never would have found out about the secret meetings.  
  
„Maybe someone sent you to me, to protect me.“  
  
„Protect you?“, the blonde chuckled, „I feel rather bad. I caused you this. I caused you this pain.“  
  
Carmilla turned her head, to face the girl looking down on her.  
  
„No. You didn’t cause me any pain. If anything, you are the one that takes it away from me. With you I feel invincible. I’m glad that you met Ell that day. I’m glad that you told me. I’m glad that you came with me to the house today. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be in the dark.“  
  
Laura felt a warm tug on her heart. She normally would be mortified to hear words like these. Those were implying the deep feelings in Carmilla, the feeling of being needed by someone else, but she wasn’t feeling compressed at all. She felt them too. She felt the strong pull towards the dark haired woman. It was magical. She’d never felt so light, yet so heavy. Laura felt like she had to invent a word to express it. (Did she really? Wasn’t there already a word for such a thing? She genuinely didn’t know that what she was feeling was a pure form of love.)  
  
For her it was an enchantment of some sort. A spell. A weird charm was used on her, as she felt nothing, but adoration for Carmilla.  
  
_Who would have thought that? That smoking leather pants chick._  
  
„I want you to know that I’m here, if you need anything… If you wanted to talk…?“, Laura tilted her head a little, to be able to meet Carmilla’s gaze. The brunette smiled and moved her head, so that her lips could attach to the one’s she loved and craved so much.  
  
„Thank you.“, Carmilla murmured into the kiss.  
  
„For what?“  
  
„I’m glad that the universe was playing some weird trick on us… That we met on that October night… I’m also glad for the night on the roof. You were the one, who took the chance, sweetheart. And I was a fool for a long time.“, the teacher’s chin was resting on Laura’s sternum. They were looking at each other’s eyes.  
  
„It was only for about 3 weeks, Carm.“, the blonde chuckled, „You couldn’t be without me for only 3 weeks.“  
  
„I can’t imagine, how I managed to stay away from you back then at all. Not anymore.“  
  
Laura knit her brows, „Where is all this coming from?“  
  
„I just want you to know that you are very important to me.“  
  
„I know.“ _No you don’t._ „You are important to me too, Carm.“  
  
Carmilla had told her girlfriend in a lot of different ways that she loved her, without even using the three words. The brunette wanted to add more sweet equivalences to her feelings, but she was interrupted, as something was vibrating beneath her.  
  
„Uhm, Laura… There’s a vibrating sensation down there. Not in the pleasurable way though.“  
  
Laura laughed out loud, „It’s my phone. I got a text message.“, but the blonde made no effort to get to her cell, „That can wait.“, she added and ran her hand through Carmilla’s hair again. The brunette then smiled and rested her head back onto Laura’s chest, closing her eyes.  
  
Despite of all the screwed up things that were apparently going on with her mother and Ell, Carmilla never had felt so content and secure. It was great to have someone care for you, the teacher thought to herself. She could wait for Laura to be ready to be loved by her. For her to be able to hear them. Just _this_ made her already happy.  
  
  
  
**Ed:** _Hollis, need you at Silas ASAP. Contact me, as soon as you can._  
  
Laura frowned at her iPhone screen.  
  
„Who was that earlier?“, Carmilla wanted to know, as she came back from the kitchen with two mugs of what smelled like hot chocolate.  
  
„Just my editor, he said that he wanted to see me…“, the blonde replied to the question and took the hot beverage that was held out to her, thanking her.  
  
„Oh, that’s weird. The university’s closed. Shouldn’t he be in vacation or something?“  
  
„Well, Silas Gazette never sleeps. The January issue comes out in three days.“  
  
„Guess, this means, you’ll be going to the university today?“  
  
„Yeah, I shot him a quick text, saying I’ll come by later on my way home.“, Laura took a big sip of the chocolate goodness her girlfriend had made for them.  
  
„Later on your way home? Aren’t you staying the night?“  
  
„Oh? I already stayed over last night… I thought-“  
  
„Right.“, the brunette glanced down.  
  
„I’ll come by tomorrow again, promise. I just have to unpack stuff too, you know?“, Laura tried to lift up the mood.  
  
Carmilla met her eyes again and smiled honestly, „It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to be glued to my side all the time.“  
  
  
  
„Carm… Are you gonna be okay?“, Laura was putting on a sweater of Carmilla’s (as her torn shirt wouldn’t do it anymore and that sheer shirt was a little too much for her) in her lover’s bedroom.  
  
„Of course, _mother._ “, the brunette rolled her eyes.  
  
The student held her hand to her chest, „ _What an insult!_ “  
  
„What?“, Carmilla laughed.  
  
„You despise your mother, so that coming from your mouth is a pure insult.“  
  
„Hah! You are right! But no, I didn’t mean to insult you.“, Carmilla giggled. Laura found it utterly beautiful. Had she ever done that?  
  
„I better get going, before you pull the really nasty words, huh?“, the blonde stuck out her tongue and flipped her hair from under the sweater that she was wearing.  
  
Carmilla was holding onto the torn shirt that belonged to her girlfriend and eyed it thoroughly.  
  
  
„Still owe me for that one.“, Laura’s voice got to her, as she was suddenly standing right in front of her.  
  
The brunette lifted the shirt to her nose and took in the scent by the collar.  
  
„This smells more intense than normally. Did you use perfume?“  
  
The journalism student nodded, while her lover threw the piece of clothing onto her own bed. Carmilla tugged on Laura’s waist and pulled her in closer, the blonde was anticipating a kiss, but just shortly before their lips could meet, the brunette turned her head and instead buried her nose into Laura’s neck. She was trying to trace back that intoxicating scent on the student’s body.  
  
„You smell so good... I noticed it earlier... What is this scent?“  
  
„Bombshell, by Victoria’s Secret, I bought it in London, I ran out of it last October.“, Laura responded, drawing in a sharp breath, because Carmilla kissed her weak spot just beneath her earlobe.  
  
„ _How very fitting_.“, the dark haired woman smiled against her girlfriend’s neck and pulled back.  
  
„Why’s that?“  
  
Carmilla just chuckled lightly and shook her head. _Because you are a bombshell, I would just like to..._  
  
  
„Get going, Hollis or I won’t let you get out of this bedroom.“  
  
„Tomorrow.“, Laura said smilingly, and closed off the distance between them, placing a kiss on the brunette’s mouth, „Tomorrow we can work something out with that… _Thing_ , before your mother comes back… And I’ll be there for _anything_ your pretty little head surely is imagining right now.“  
  
„Tomorrow then.“, Carmilla arched a single eyebrow and smirked.  
  
…  
  
Laura got back to her dorm room and immediately dialed up her father’s number.  
  
„Laura, honey, is everything alright?“  
  
„Yeah, dad… I just need you to do me a favor.“  
  
„Oh?“, the man sounded surprised, „Alright, shoot.“  
  
„I’m gonna send you an account number and I know that you have some friends in Switzerland… I need to know who this Swiss bank account belongs to and how many transactions were made from that account to a certain Greek account, everything will be enclosed in the email. Can you do that for me?“  
  
„Laura, this is highly illegal. I don’t have the right to do such things.“  
  
„I know… But… Just…“  
  
„Are you in trouble? Why would you need to find out such information?“, he was concerned. The student knew her father very well.  
  
„No, I’m fine dad. It’s for a friend. It’s urgent… But… Ugh, forget it okay? I’m gonna figure something else out. I shouldn’t have bothered you.“, Laura was so dumb for even bringing it up. She could have known that her father would say no.  
  
„I am your father, of course you have to bother me with things like these…“  
  
There was a sigh to be heard. Laura was alert, because she knew, he was thinking about it now. Okay maybe he would do this for her. Laura’s fingers were crossed, as she closed her eyes.  
  
„If I do this… Do you promise that this is nothing that I have to worry about and that I do not have to get people killed for my daughter? Because that sounds awfully bad.“  
  
Daddy’s little girl had won.  
  
„My friend would really need that information. It’s really important, dad. And no, no killing involved. Besides, I could take over _that_ part, you know that I have the expert 5 badge in Krav Maga...“  
  
Another sigh.  
  
„Alright… I’ll see what I can do, love. Although I do not guarantee anything. And you will explain to me the next time you get home.“  
  
„Okay, I promise, just try your best okay? Gotta go, I love you.“  
  
„Love you too, darling. Take good care of you. You took that bag full of bear spray with you, didn’t you?“  
  
Eyes were rolling. _No she hadn’t._  
  
„Yes dad I am fully prepared to invade a bear sanctuary, if I wanted to.“  
  
  
  
„Laura!“, Ed was promptly on his feet, when he saw the tiny blonde making her way through the editorial office.  
  
„Hey, Ed. I got your text, what’s wrong? You sounded kind of freaked out…“  
  
„Well… I’m sorry to say this, and I’m sure you did a lot of research and stuff… But… Your article on Ms. Karnstein...“, the man was scratching the back of his neck.  
  
„The article was cancelled…“, the journalism student muttered.  
  
„Well... _Yes_.“  
  
Laura was relieved but at the same time a little disappointed. It really would have been a good one to write. Plus, it would mean positive resonance for Carmilla.  
  
„But why did you want to see me then? You could’ve just texted me that it was cancelled.“  
  
„Because I got you something better to write about. Still is about professor Karnstein… Something real good… As it seems, professor Karnstein is gay, there was an article about her in that-“  
  
„Ed, I know about what article you are talking about and I’m not covering that story. I don’t think she wants to be out in public. Silas’ students don’t know about her sexuality, and I think it should stay that way... Besides, she’s been with that woman like a hundred years ago... I may have done some research in that field, you know... There was obviously a reason behind her not wanting her sexuality to be public, don’t you think? I think we should respect that. We shouldn’t write anything negative about her.“  
  
„But the new article wouldn’t be against her or her sexuality at all. _I am all for queer people_. Power to them or something. I want to simply point out that she is brave and that she is strong. Silas University stands with her. These kinds of things. And with what Jamie sent me today… It’s just perfect. Turns out that that woman she was with a hundred years ago, like you said isn’t old news after all.“  
  
Laura was confused, „What are you even talking about?“  
  
„Well, I’m talking about Ms. Karnstein of course! Jamie saw her with her girlfriend last Sunday, well the one before yesterday. He shot a good picture of them together on his way to the gym. What a lucky bastard! I’ll send it to you real quick.“, he said and pulled out his phone.  
  
The blonde’s expression went blank. The picture was loading on Laura’s phone and a strange feeling was starting to form in her stomach.  
  
What she saw, made her whole world fall apart…  
  
It was a picture of Carmilla -smiling- with her hand on Ell’s shoulder and the blonde’s on top of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Complaints and/or Criticism over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	21. Realization Hits You Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How's Laura gonna confront Carmilla?  
> Laura does at least something right.  
> Angsty little somethings for you :D

Laura was staring out of the window. It was snowing lightly. The weather in Austria was weird. The campus only had experienced two days of snow and it was almost January already. The blonde thought about the offer Ed had made to her. She never would have taken it, of course, even though it was clear now that Carmilla was cheating on her. This couldn’t be anything else, right? It was clear as crystal, _obvious_. Her empty gaze was dragged to the wall opposite to her bed. She was staring. Into nothing. For a really long time.  
  
A knock brought her out of the haze.  
  
The blonde lazily strolled over to her door and opened it, the woman on the other side quirked up an eyebrow.  
  
„So you _are_ alive.“, Carmilla breathed out. The student was shocked for a moment, but then tried to shake it off.  
  
„And you are here.“, Laura responded. With no emotion.  
  
„Can I come in?“  
  
„Sure.“ _Please go away._  
  
Laura had hoped that if she shut her girlfriend out, she’d get some days of peace. She needed space to rethink her relationship, rethink her feelings. Maybe even retreat them. The blonde was in far too deep, and realized it in the moment her editor sent her that disgusting photo of her lover with that Taylor Swift doppelgänger.  
  
The journalism student had hoped that the brunette wouldn’t take the risk to come visit her in her dorm room, although she internally knew that Carmilla would do anything, if it was important to her. She just didn’t know anymore, if _that_ was the case. If _she_ was important enough to the professor. How could she be, if she... Was cheating on her so blatantly.  
  
Why would she need Laura, if she had Ell? The beautiful, tall, slim model-like creature. Whereas Laura was only… _Laura_.  
  
Carmilla did take the risk apparently. She did come. Laura could only imagine, why she would do that. The teacher probably wanted to keep up her act. Be the concerned girlfriend. Laura hadn’t picked up any of her phone calls, nor had she gone to Carmilla’s place the day before, like she had promised. The student felt numb inside, not being able to do anything about it. The blonde couldn’t confront her lover, she was too scared to hear the explanation. Too scared to hear the truth. Plus, there was another factor to be counted in: No explanation would make up for the fact that Carmilla had clearly lied to her face. Or lied by omission. It still was a lie.  
  
And that made Laura a hypocrite of some sort. She had her own secrets. However those two things weren’t comparable at all, she told herself.  
  
„You never came yesterday and when I tried to call you, you didn’t pick up.“, it was rather curiosity and not downright the anger train. Although Laura would have preferred the latter.  
  
„Yeah… Sorry about that.“, Laura apologized halfheartedly.  
  
„Did I do something wrong?“, the brunette was frowning, clearly noticing the sudden lack of familiarity between them. There was none, to be exact.  
  
_Yes._  
  
„No. I just didn’t feel well.“  
  
„Okay?“, Carmilla still wasn’t buying the whole story, she slowly approached her girlfriend, placing two gentle hands on that girl’s waist. „ _Are you sure?_ “  
  
„Absolutely.“, the blonde replied dryly, trying to avoid eye-contact.  
  
The proximity wasn’t helping with that. Laura reluctantly put her own hands onto Carmilla’s forearms -to keep up her own act- and eyed the silver bracelet hanging loosely around her left wrist. _Maybe_ … Just maybe there was a simple explanation to it…Her mental self was laughing at her for being so weak. The dark haired woman’s left arm moved up and suddenly she felt a tug on her chin. The older woman was urging her to look up.  
  
„I missed you yesterday.“, Carmilla whispered against her lips, as she leaned in.  
  
„Mhm.“, was all the student could respond. Forced into a kiss. It felt terrible. Like she was trapped into a different body, not hers. She couldn’t act on her urge to pull away, because then her girlfriend would get suspicious, but she couldn’t kiss her comfortably anymore, either.  
  
Probably Carmilla and Ell had done this too, not so long ago. It made her sick.  
  
When Laura was busy with her family dinners and spending time with her dad in London. Carmilla had probably been at _her_ place. If it was something harmless, she would have told Laura, wouldn’t she? Then again, how could the brunette be so sweet to her? Whatever game she was playing, she was playing it well.

  
„Are you busy?“, the professor asked, as she yet again kissed her lover, not having any clue what kind of torture it was for Laura.  
  
„Uh, no. Just…“, as the brunette leaned in for another kiss, the blonde held up her hand, „Actually, if I were you, I wouldn’t wanna kiss me right now. I uh… I kind of got sick in the morning and yeah, it’s kind of gross.“ _And your kisses make me want to throw up and that’s not how I want to remember you kissing me._  
  
„Oh no. Food poisoning?“, the brunette asked. Concern evident in her voice. This story she bought immediately. She liked it, if she was needed.  
  
„Ha! That would require me eating food at all!“, Laura chuckled, the first real emotion.  
  
„Okay, I’ll get you some food and something to drink… You go lie down.“  
  
_How could she be faking it so well? How could she fake being so sweet? Why was this so hard?_  
  
„Carmilla, you don’t have to-“  
  
„Laura, we don’t need to have this conversation. You go lie down and I’ll take care of you. Deal with it, _I am your girlfriend_. Perfect girlfriends do that stuff, right?“, the dark haired woman winked.  
  
And in what universe are _perfect girlfriends_ allowed to cheat? Right, in Laura’s world, because that’s what her girlfriends apparently do. Laura Hollis was obviously someone you could easily replace and cheat on. The blonde felt her disappointment bubble up, so she held it down. She shut herself out from the feelings, how hard was it to keep it down?  
  
_Why can’t I be surprised with an accidental delivery of puppies for once?_  
  
  
  
„I found some saltine crackers and a Sprite in your fridge… I think I should go shopping for you. Your diet makes me wonder how you function at all.“  
  
„And risk getting caught? No, Carmilla, don’t bother. Saltine crackers sound brill to me right now.“  
  
Laura wanted to be left alone as soon as possible, not have her teacher longer in her room than required.  
  
„Okay, then I’ll just stay with you here.“ _What now?!_  
  
„You are staying?“, Laura asked with wide eyes, a little higher than intended.  
  
„Yeah, if you don’t mind?“  
  
„I do!“, too eager, Hollis. Carmilla’s eyebrows rose up in surprise. „I mean, I am sick and wouldn’t wanna get you sick too…“  
  
„Oh, don’t worry about me…“, the brunette hung up her coat and got out of her shoes and made her way to her girlfriend, who was lying and got into the bed with her.  
  
„Carm-“  
  
„Shh, you won’t get rid of me. I don’t have anywhere to be today.“, they were lying sidewards, the student facing the wall and her lover behind her. Carmilla’s arm traced along Laura’s as she placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. The blonde closed her eyes at that touch. She felt safe, she felt at home. She felt… _Terrible._  
  
How could someone make her feel one of the greatest -and equally the worst- feelings in the world?  
  
Laura had never experienced something like this. She was burning up. Carmilla had too much of her, that’s what made this so hard. That’s what made it hurt so much. The hurt she never wanted to experien- Okay no. Laura wasn’t going there, because she wasn’t in love. She wasn’t in love with that woman. If she was in love, it would not hurt so much, would it? She hated that woman, for hurting her so much. Yes, that was the explanation to her feelings. Love was supposed to be good, right? She didn’t know, but that was her assumption. This was hate. Pure hatred.  
  
_Silly Hollis, girl. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it is indifference._  
  
Laura just was lying there, she couldn’t confront her lover about the picture, because if Carmilla really was cheating, it would make all of her fears real. She needed to live in that bubble, where everything was just peachy for a little while longer.  
  
Something must have been wrong with her. Something made her unwanted. Something about her made other people cheat on her and lie to her.  
  
Poor student didn’t know that it was her own doing. That she could have it so much easier, if she were to let people in. If she just would open up to them, instead of keeping things down and in the end sabotaging her own relationships. Or if she just stopped jumping to conclusions.  
  
It was the same with Danny. The whole reason for them to actually break up was the fact that the tall redhead was far more into the relationship than she was. She’d told her that she loved her and Laura left her hanging. Of course Danny Lawrence was understanding enough and gave her time, but no one could wait forever. So things happened, which led to fights. In the end though that was the main point. Danny saved herself, before getting too lost in someone, who wasn’t making half the effort to be with her, even though she could have done it in another way...

  
The important question was now, if Laura was willing to risk possibly getting her heart torn out by her teacher or if she wanted the slow death and the keeping quiet.  
  
She of course chose the latter. _Silly girl._  
  
  
  
„Laura?“, Carmilla broke the silence between them.  
  
„Hmn?“  
  
„I really like it here, just lying here with you. I think I could do this every day, without having to move, just staying in this position.“ _For the rest of my life I would be happy to just lie here with you._  
  
„Don’t think so.“, Laura replied and then turned her head, to explain, „We would get really hungry and eventually starve to death.“  
  
Carmilla smiled, that brilliant smile of hers that was just to die for. _Do all girlfriends get hotter, after you find out that they are possibly cheating on you?_ Laura’s body was playing tricks on her, as she was craving to touch the dark haired woman, to kiss her senseless.  
  
The brunette was obviously thinking the same, as the amateur journalist suddenly felt lips brushing against her own.

  
„I know, you don’t want that, but I couldn’t help it.“, the teacher said almost sheepishly and pulled back.  
  
„I just said that because I don’t want you to feel gross about me.“ _Why would you say that? Stupid, Hollis. Stupid._  
  
„I would never be repelled by your kisses. I feel too much for you for that to be a factor.“  
  
„Yeah? What do you feel towards me?“, Laura meant it in another sense, than the brunette perceived.  
  
_I love you._  
  
„I love…“, Carmilla cleared her throat, „I love kissing you and spending time with you… All of that stuff you are supposed to enjoy when you…“ _Love someone._ „When you are _girlfriends_.“  
  
Laura looked at her lover, seeing something flicker in her dark eyes. It was the same thing that she caught on to, when she said goodbye to Carmilla at the airport. The same day the brunette had been with Ell. Had she been there after that day or even before that? Laura knew, she’d had a hell of a long time to pay the blonde long visits, with her gone for a full week to London. Laura wondered, if Carmilla really was with her for the thrills of the student-teacher relationship, or if it had been about sex all the time. It was just too convenient now that she had gotten her into bed. The timing was too dubious to be a coincidence. She probably just wanted to fuck her. That must be it. The blonde never thought about the fact that Carmilla was there taking care of her.

  
„Have you ever cheated on anyone?“, the student couldn’t believe, what she had said out loud. The words just seemed to fight their way through her lips. She couldn’t stop them.  
  
„No.“, the teacher’s eyebrows were risen, „How’d you come up with that idea?“ _Liar._  
  
„Don’t know, I was just curious.“  
  
Carmilla sat up in the bed, looking down at the blonde. „No one comes up with _something like that_ out of the blue. What got you into thinking that?“

Laura was rising up too, leaving a good meter gap between their heads. „Just thinking, ya know.“, the journalism student shrugged.  
  
„I am not like your douche of an ex… I hope, you know that.“, Carmilla let out.  
  
_At least Danny was honest about it._  
  
„What?!“, the brunette was looking at Laura. Incredulousness could be observed on her face. Oh crap, had the blonde said it out loud? „Do you think I’m cheating on you?“  
  
„No! Of course not!“  
  
„Really? Because that sounded an awful lot like it.“  
  
„No, I was just trying some _weird interviewing technique_ I picked up in class on you. How to break down somebody’s reserve and this stuff, just messing with your head.“, Laura nodded to reinforce the pile of bullshit she was saying. She was such a good liar. As good as Carmilla. Even better. She’d had training in this.  
  
„Ah, yes, okay.“  
  
  
Only problem: Carmilla didn’t believe a thing. She could feel the changed dynamics between them. Laura was off to her. Granted, she let her touch her, let her kiss her, but something was different. The professor planned on breaking down Laura’s reserve now. Let her have a taste of her own medicine.  
  
The dark haired woman put on her most seductive look and trailed along the blonde’s bare forearm. Her eyes landed on the lips of her counterpart. She knew that Laura caught her staring at her mouth. Carmilla’s eyes slowly travelled down to her girlfriend’s cleavage, and then further down.  
  
Laura’s eyes were watching her lover’s movements carefully. A weird knot started to form in her stomach. Her body was betraying her again. _What was it with sexual attraction?_ And why the hell was Carmilla giving her that stare? Why was she -okay that’s where that was going. Suddenly she was lying down again with her girlfriend above her, who was smirking, her eyes so dark. The eyeliner highlighting them.  
  
  
„Still feeling sick?“, the brunette asked in a sultry voice. Much too sultry for Laura’s taste. ~~God she was so sexy~~ … _Shut up, body._  
  
„Mhm.“, the blonde nodded and Carmilla dipped her head, to kiss along her neck.  
  
The professor knew, she had to do her best work. She had to find out, what was going on, in that head of the tiny student. Push her to her limits, until she would spill.  
  
„I can make you feel better…“, the dark haired woman whispered seductively and bit down on the blonde’s neck, a little red spot appearing immediately. _Oops._ She hadn’t meant to do _that_ , but that wasn’t important now. „So…“, another nip, „Much…“, Carmilla kissed her girlfriend on the mouth, „Better…“  
  
Laura was lying there, not being able to do much about it. Carmilla was back at kissing her again, this time her tongue involved and it was just a much too good feeling. Her hands flew to her neck automatically, pulling her closer. The brunette hadn’t expected that, she opened her eyes mid-kiss in surprise and gently pulled away, leaning on her hands beside Laura’s head and simply watching her.  
  
Okay, maybe nothing was off and she could just…  
  
The blonde felt a cold hand trail up her stomach, pushing the fabric of her t-shirt with it. Carmilla suddenly was planting wet kisses from her navel to where her pants wouldn’t let her girlfriend get any further. She tugged on them, pushing down one side, to be able to kiss the hipbone.  
  
„Do you know, how that spot on your body is called in Latin?“, the brunette bit down on the sharpest point of Laura’s hips, right where the hipbone stuck out the most. The student shook her head, still watching with careful eyes.  
  
„Spina iliaca superior anterior…“, the dark haired woman said, after tracing the bone down with her tongue, until it submerged under the skin and couldn’t be felt anymore.  
  
Why did Carmilla have to pull out her Latin now, Laura thought to herself, biting down on her lip.  
  
Carmilla seemingly caught on to the fact that she could actually still turn on her girlfriend, but it wasn’t enough. She had to push further. Besides, Laura never declined the offer to ‚make her feel better‘ from before. The brunette took her chances and wanted to see, if the student would let her go far enough or if there were boundaries.  
  
A change of body parts to take care of: namely those wonderful lips of her lover, which were just waiting to be kissed. Carmilla ran her tongue along the ridge between Laura’s lips, until she opened them up again, humming into the sensation. The brunette was now fully giving in and lifting up her girlfriend’s shirt, ready to take it off already, when Laura stopped her with both of her hands.  
  
They broke apart, Carmilla looking at her in surprise. Seemingly her plan was working.  
  
  
„Sorry, I think, I’m feeling sick again.“, is all the student said, before getting out of bed and into the bathroom, shutting the door close behind her. Laura leaned against it on the other side, huffing out a deep breath. She just couldn’t. It was too much. She couldn’t let _her_ touch her, not after knowing that she had _her_ hands on Ell.  
  
Meanwhile in the bedroom Carmilla sighed loudly and made her way to the bathroom door, standing in front of it, with her arms crossed over her chest and waiting for her girlfriend to come out. So she was right all along. Something was up. She’d have to figure out, what it was.  
  
After a while the blonde finally decided to show again.

  
„Did you throw up?“  
  
„Yeah… I don’t know what’s happening with my body… Sorry for ruining the mood.“, Laura said and fixated the floor.  
  
„Why are you lying to me, Laura?“  
  
The student’s head shot up in record speed and she looked at her counterpart in bewilderment, „Excuse me?“  
  
„Aren’t you the one, who always rambles on about me being so smart? Apparently you aren’t good at planning out your lies, because you forgot to flush. And I don’t think, I’ll see any remains of vomit in your toilet, if I decided to check.“  
  
„Yeah, I’m not as good at lying, as you are!“, the blonde shot back. Now rage taking over. Not a good sign.  
  
„What is the matter with you?“  
  
„With _me_? You’re asking _me_ that?! Carmilla I know about Ell!“  
  
„ _What?_ “, for a split second the brunette had no idea what the other girl was talking about.  
  
„Don’t you dare lie to my face right now! I know that you’ve been meeting with her behind my back. Funny, you should exactly know the feeling from your mother. Except maybe for the fact that she isn’t sleeping with _her,_ but you are obviously!“  
  
Carmilla thought about the meeting, not even caring why Laura knew about that, „You don’t really think that I am- _You really think that I am sleeping with her?_ That I’m cheating on you?! Are you out of your mind?!“  
  
„What else shall I think?“  
  
The professor took some steps back, her mouth agape, because she couldn’t believe, what she was hearing.  
  
„ **God** , if you must know: _Yes, I was at her house!_ And I went there, because I accused Ell of selling that stupid newspaper our story. Thought she was the one behind it, I found out she wasn’t and then I left! Nothing more. It was a one-time thing and done. We haven’t had contact since then, nor am I planning on having any!“  
  
„Then why didn’t you just tell me? If it had been innocent, why not come to me and tell me?“  
  
„Because of _this exact situation_! Do you have any idea how it is with you? How you react to certain things? And quite frankly, I find it infinitely tragic that _my girlfriend_ apparently doesn’t trust me enough to believe that I wouldn’t do such a thing as cheating. **God!** “, Carmilla was furious. How could Laura be so smart and at the same time so oblivious? How could she not see, how much she worshipped her.

 _How much Carmilla loved her?_  
  
Laura remained silent. The teacher was right. She made it seem like she wasn’t trusting Carmilla. It was dumb of her, because deep down she did trust her. Deep down, when looking into her soul, she did more than that. And that thought had simply terrified her. Her heart hammered against her ribcage in her chest. Her muscles tightened. She was afraid to speak, afraid to breathe, afraid to lose everything, just because of her stupid insecurity. Because of her fear of rejection, when all Carmilla gave her was a safe place and the feeling of being appreciated and adored. Why hadn’t she just asked her, like a civil, normal, _sane_ person would do.

  
„Unbelievable.“, Carmilla’s demeanor changed into endless hurt and her facade was up again, „If you really think _that_ of me… If you really think _so little of me_...“, the woman was shaking her head in disbelief and laughed out loud. It radiated coldness.  
  
The professor put on her shoes and her coat, not looking at the other girl.

„Carm...“, it was too late, Carmilla was already at her door.  
  
„Get well, Laura.“, and out she was.  
  
  
_What the hell had just happened?_  
  
  
  
  
Laura was looking at herself in the mirror. The way Carmilla looked at her, with the hurt and even disgust… It sent shivers through her spine. How on earth did she get herself into this again?  
  
No one would be able to understand her.  
  
Except, _she_ did understand herself and she knew exactly why the whole thing coaxed her to be so irrational. She felt too much for Carmilla and the simple thought of losing her made her go numb. She admitted it to herself, _she was feeling more for her than she initially had planned to_. And that made her scared. Fear overtook her. And it was like she cut a piece of herself off, when she admitted it to herself, because now it got even more real. _She kind of fell in love with her teacher_. The same person that she just minutes ago broke into pieces because of a dumb assumption. Yet again.  
  
Why was she so broken? Why couldn’t she have solved the problem like a real adult?  
  
Laura was a child, when it came to this. That’s the way she broke things off with her first girlfriend, not being able to give in to her feelings. And this time the feelings were a hundred times bigger than the ones she once claimed to have for her girlfriend back in London.  
  
The amateur journalist needed to talk to someone. There was only one person she could go to. Even if her option could eventually mean that what she had with Carmilla -at least what she thought she still had with her- would break once and for all. If you are already on the verge of losing everything, you do not hold back, because you could lose more. All you can do is fight.  
  
She put on a thick winter coat and took two items off her desk and made her way to her destination. Her feet carrying her to a certain place.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was home at last. Her feet tired, her body worn out. She had walked a few miles, not catching up with time, it had gotten dark, when she came back to her place. Her father was greeting her at the entrance, she looked at him and began sobbing, sliding down against her closed apartment door and just giving in to the sensation of grief or whatever there was.  
  
She didn’t even know, why she was crying. All of her emotions were heightened from the talk she had with Laura earlier. The brunette clung to her own jacket, as tears were forming a wet spot on the piece of clothing, it’s grey wool getting darker spots. It had been expensive, yes, but that’s the thing about tears, once they are dry, you forget about them.  
  
However that was the reason Carmilla was so surprised, she thought she had cried enough to not turn into this mess again. She had cried enough for a lifetime, when her father passed away. The man, who was kindly smiling down at her in that moment. Even now, even though his daughter was in front of him, dissolving, he was just smiling at her. His kind eyes boring into Carmilla’s soul like venom.  
  
„Why is it so hard?“, she asked him, „Why do humans fall in love, if in the end it’s nothing but a bitter taste in your mouth, once you have the sweetness sucked out of your soul?“  
  
  
  
Once the tears had subsided, her anger getting the better of her. Carmilla decided on doing the ultimate thing. She knew, her mother was in the country again, so her private jet was not in use anymore. _Switzerland._ Renata was back, but like Carmilla knew her mother, she had rented out the chalet for at least a month, as they never rented it out for only two weeks. Her anger and hurt were urging her to do something about it. She packed up some necessities into a small bag and left for the airport. Of course she had checked in with her mother, if what she thought, was right. Renata was surprised at her daughters decision to fly out to Switzerland on such short notice, when she had told her that she would be busy, but was equally relieved that her money wasn’t going to waste.  
  
Carmilla was just thankful that for once all the money and the wealth came to good use. She was running away from her problem, that much she knew, but it was satisfying.  
  
…  
  
Laura felt like she was standing in front of the door for an eternity, before taking up her courage and just knocking. It was weak and she wasn’t even sure, if the person on the other side of the door heard it. Her suspicion was unnecessary though, as she heard footsteps on the other side and after some seconds, someone was opening the door.  
  
„Laura.“, a blank face greeted her.  
  
„Hi.“  
  
LaFontaine was looking at her in disbelieve, but caught themselves quickly, as they realized that the blonde had been crying.  
  
„God, what happened?“  
  
„Can I come in?“, Laura held up a paper bag, „I come bearing Christmas gifts.“  
  
„Of course, come in.“  
  
The redhead led their friend into their tiny dorm room, which was a single bedroom too, but still not as fancy as the one of the blonde. It was cozy though and had LaF written all over the place. Goggles were scattered down the floor, the crazy bio major was working on something involving chemicals again apparently. They caught on to the journalism student’s gaze and felt the need to explain.  
  
„I am working on a biochemical project. We have been collecting human samples of-“, they cut themselves off, „Nevermind. Do you want anything to drink?“, they instead offered.  
  
„No thanks… I um, here take this. There is one for Perry and one for you.“, Laura gave her (former?) best friend the bag with the presents in it. They nodded a ‚thank you‘ and put it on their desk to open up later.  
  
„We got you something too, but Perry has it.“  
  
Laura knew that that was a lie, but didn’t question it. She wasn’t exactly mad that the redhead hadn’t gotten her anything. It was normal, after the behavior she had pulled.  
  
„Listen, I am sorry about standing you up… I still feel bad about that. _You are my best friend and I_ …“, the blonde began sobbing, LaF was immediately by her side, leading her onto their bed.  
  
„Hey, L., it’s okay, yeah? I get it, sometimes I might push a little too hard.“  
  
„No, that’s it. You weren’t. You were right. About everything. I hadn’t been myself and I didn’t mean anything I said. I know, you just were worried… And I’m just so sorry.“  
  
„It’s okay, yeah?“, LaFontaine wrapped their friend into a hug, the sobs of the journalism student got louder.

  
  
„I have to tell you something.“, the blonde started again, after pulling away, and wiping away her tears, „And I need you to promise me, not to tell anyone about this…“  
  
„I’m listening.“  
  
„No one, LaF. _She_ would probably kill me now, if she knew I am doing this, but desperate times call for desperate measures… And I don’t even know, if I want to be alive right now anymore.“  
  
LaFontaine decided to let that last comment go for the moment, „Hey, hey, hey… Laur, _who_ is going to kill you?“  
  
„Carmilla.“  
  
„What…? _Why would_ …“, they both locked eyes and even though LaF didn’t grasp the situation fully, they knew that Laura had to be the one to tell them everything. They patiently waited.  
  
„We have been dating for some time now. _That’s the thing I was hiding from you._..“, the short girl said after taking in a ragged breath. Her tears were still streaming, also into her mouth, the salty taste bugging her, but she went on, „We decided to keep it a secret, because of obvious reasons, and she begged me not to tell you, or anyone, and I swear, I would have, but she has my trust-“  
  
„You don’t have to explain that to me. I understand you in that matter. _Both of you_.“, the ginger friend smiled sadly. Seeing their friend in that pain was heartbreaking, „Wanna tell me, what got you so worked up?“  
  
„I ruined everything.“  
  
„How?“  
  
„Because _I am me._ “  
  
„That is not a good explanation.“  
  
„I am Laura Hollis, the broken girl, who is a child. I am childish and with no real sense for feelings and overstepping boundaries. I take, I take and take and take and leave the ones that I care about the most hanging.“, at that the blonde stared right into LaF’s eyes. They gulped audibly. „I break people, because I am so broken myself and I thought _I could run from it forever_ , do you believe that someone is dumb enough to think that, to even consider it?“  
  
„I… I am not quite understanding, what you are saying.“  
  
„LaF, _I have fallen for her._ “ The word _love_ just could not be said. Laura did not know why.  
  
The redhead’s eyebrows met their hairline, „And what happened? Did you tell her and she broke your heart? If that’s the case, I’m so gonna-“  
  
„No! It’s quite the opposite! Carmilla’s been nothing but good to me, like really perfect. She… _God I can’t even tell you how perfect she is._ There are too many situations to name… I just… And then- I got scared, because I thought, it was too good to be true. And when the first obstacle came, I caved in. I ran from asking her about it, like a real adult would do and instead I just jumped to conclusions… If you’d seen the hurt on her face… I messed up badly, LaF. I am a terrible person.“  
  
„Hey… You are not a terrible person, you hear that? I mean, yeah, sometimes you are a handful, but I think it wouldn’t be you, if you weren’t that annoying girl that I fell in love with… Platonically of course.“  
  
Laura looked down, nodding and sighed.  
  
„And now to your situation: Carmilla really seems like a decent person… I mean, you never spoke like that about any of your girls, I would know. I had a front-row seat to you and Danny. I can tell the difference, when I look at you now... She obviously means a lot to you… And this is the key point, Laura. If she does mean that much to you, you should girl the hell up and just tell her already. Go profess it to her in the most cheesy way. Go, do a grand gesture. Hell, Perry and I would be stoked to help you, if you need any help, but you gotta tell her that you feel something for her... Maybe something big... Like lo-“, Laura didn’t let them finish.  
  
„You can’t tell Perry about this!“  
  
„Right of course, then _I’ll_ help you by myself.“  
  
„ _No_ … I mean, thanks, but it won’t be necessary. I have to do this on my own, I think.“  
  
„Okay…“, the bio major smiled reassuringly, „You got this, L.“  
  
  
Laura smiled back and nudged their shoulder, „Hey, are we okay again? Coz, you know, I kinda missed you a bit…“  
  
„Yeh, I missed you too, L.“  
  
„So… We aren’t broken up anymore?“  
  
LaF chuckled, „No, we are back together. Brace yourselves, Silas. The BrOTP is back on!“  
  
„What is a _BrOTP_?“, the journalism student asked. _Brot_ meant bread in German. Was LaF seriously talking about food now?  
  
„Doesn’t matter. You go fix your OTP.“  
  
Laura furrowed her brows, not understanding a thing, „If this is science talk, leave me out of it.“  
  
„Yeah, science.“, the redhead chuckled, „ _Love is science, after all_. Actually, nothing exists without science if you think about it. It’s the thing we breathe, _literally_.“  
  
Laura only smiled at that and tilted her head to the side.  
  
Their friend didn’t seem like it now, but LaFontaine could see that Carmilla made Laura whole. They were happy that the blonde finally found someone she could talk about like this. LaF felt the same way about Perry, always had. Everyone needed someone like this in their life. Whether it be a partner or just a best friend.  
  
They wanted to make something clear to Laura.  
  
„Hey Laura?“  
  
„Hmn?“  
  
„We are best friends and you won’t ever lose me, understand? Even if we fight, even if you decide to be a lunatic again, I’ll always be there. You are like a little sister to me.“  
  
„Oi, are you calling me short again?“, the blonde slapped their shoulder.  
  
„No, _for once_ I did not refer to your height, but you just know how to ruin a moment, don’t you?“  
  
„Ask Carmilla about it.“, Laura laughed, LaF joining her in.  
  
„I can only imagine.“, the redhead winked.  
  
The make up with LaF felt good. This was the first step for Laura.  
  
_Laura Hollis 2.0_ was on her way to take over the world…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rant to me over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	22. Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla kinda escapes reality.  
> Laura's dead worried that she blew everything.  
> The tiny student has a weird encounter on New Year's eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you have a good day, beautiful people.

Laura was standing in front of a door again, with the difference that this one would lead her into Carmilla’s apartment. That’s why that one was more terrifying than the last door she was waiting in front of. A friendly neighbor had let the tiny blonde in, for which the girl was thankful for. Laura would have been a little cold, if she had to wait outside for that long. It was late already, something past 8 pm. She had seen Carmilla some hours ago, and maybe this was too soon... _Okay, no._  
  
  
_Courage, Hollis. Courage._  
  
  
A faint knock was everything she managed.  
  
_Nothing._  
  
Okay, maybe she should just go with the doorbell?  
  
_Absolutely._  
  
So she took up all of her courage and pressed the button.  
  
_Still nothing._  
  
  
Laura started to feel weird. Carmilla wasn’t at home apparently. _Sigh! Here goes nothing_ … She would have to try it again later or… She could just call her. Yes, that was the best solution, but apparently not the one leading to solving her problem, because the brunette’s phone was turned off. Something was weird about this whole situation. The student just hoped that Carmilla was doing okay.  
  
…  
  
„Hey Carm… Uhm… I really didn’t wanna do this on the phone… No, you know what? Just call me back or text me, when you’re home and I’ll come see you, I really would like to speak to you in person. Bye.“  
  
Carmilla had listened to the voicemail at least 3 times in her taxi to the chalet her mother had been staying at. She feared that that message meant it was over between them. The dark haired teacher didn’t want Laura to have the victory though. She would deal with that, when back home. She had to do this now. Was it the rebellious side of her that just couldn’t live with the fact that someone rejected her so much? It felt like pure rejection, the way Laura had treated her. The blonde turned her down, and didn’t trust her at all.  
  
The teacher wasn’t even sure anymore, if she wanted to be in love with Laura after what she had accused her of. It was all too much for her. Too much to handle. She didn’t sign up for hopelessness and hurt, when she agreed on being in a relationship with her student. That was the main point. Laura had agreed on that too and now she was accusing her of those horrible things, like she really believed that Carmilla was such a bad person.  
  
The brunette had been lucky enough that Renata’s private jet was not in use, because she was sure that flying to the Grand Combin Mountains with Austrian Airlines would have been hard -there was no airport in that range. No international airports, anyways.  
  
  
  
„Nous sommes ici, madame.“, the cab driver interrupted Carmilla’s thoughts. She didn’t understand much French, but the car coming to a halt was indication enough that she had arrived at her destination. The environment had changed, she couldn’t remember being there, there was just a vague memory of the cities she had passed on her way to her destination.  
  
„Sind wir hier am Chalet Davos?“, she wanted to be sure. The man nodded, apparently understanding her.  
  
„Ja, das ist.“, he spoke back in broken German.  
  
„Merci!“, the dark haired woman thanked the driver and paid the fare, leaving him a generous tip.  
  
When she went up the small little hill, all her memories came back in small floods. Her father picking her up, she was 4 years old back then. She was sitting on his shoulders and playing with the white snow in her hands. God, she was happy back then. 20 years had passed, but the memory came back like it had been yesterday.  
  
„That’s gonna be fun…“, Carmilla murmured and ascended the stairs that led to the front door.  
  
A man in jeans and a thick down jacket was working on something outside of the house.  
  
  
„Hello, excuse me, do you speak English?“, he only nodded, „I am Mrs. Karnstein’s daughter…“, he looked at her in disbelief, „Hold on….“, she was fumbling in her purse, until she found her passport, showing it to him, he then nodded and smiled. He told her in his broken English/German mix that her mother had already notified him about her visit and that he was preparing everything for her comfort.  
  
Carmilla was grateful and left him a generous tip too, she just knew that she could use a vacation now. Away from everything and everyone. She needed some time to herself and do some heavy thinking. It was her turn now to reconsider everything. It was way past midnight, when she finally got into her bed. Having a private jet (or having a mother, who owned one) was pretty convenient. No waiting at the gate, no waiting for anything actually. It had taken her only 3 hours to change the country (including the taxi ride).  
  
…  
  
„LaF, I swear, she is vanished. Poof. Into thin air.“, Laura groaned into her telephone.  
  
„What do you mean, vanished? _Today’s New Year’s!_ No one leaves their girlfriend hanging at New Year’s.“, they replied.  
  
„Do you think she broke up with me?“  
  
„Did she say anything in that direction?“  
  
„Well, no, but-“  
  
„Then stop pining so much about her already and start working out something to make amends. She’ll come around, when she decides to come around- although I hope for her that she does it soon, because Perry and I want our alone time and if you are lonesome tonight, I’d have to be obligated to invite you over and you don’t wanna do that to me, L.“  
  
„First of all: I do not pine at all-“  
  
„Yeah you do, you are the piniest pine, who ever pined.“, the redhead interjected.  
  
„ _Shut up._ And secondly: I do not need you guys pitying me and thirdly: **EW** , gross I did not want to hear that.“  
  
„Hey, at least someone’s gettin’ tonight.“  
  
„I hate you. I’m hanging up.“  
  
„No you don’t, you love me.“  
  
„Never.“, Laura shook her head, although the other one couldn’t see it.  
  
„Say it.“  
  
„ _I love you_.“, the blonde reluctantly murmured.  
  
„See? Saying that isn’t so hard.“  
  
„I missed you LaF.“  
  
„Back at you, Hollis.“, they chuckled and hung up.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla awoke with the sunlight almost blinding her. She was up high, of course the light was a little more intense than in that low village in Styria, where her apartment was situated. The whole situation was a little hard, as a _certain someone_ was missing, but sometimes distance was a good thing. She couldn’t cave in so quickly. Carmilla hadn’t done anything wrong.  
  
Of course, her vanishing to another country wasn’t the best timing, as she would have to miss out the opportunity of kissing Laura at 12 AM sharp on New Year’s, but she never believed in those stupid sayings, that said the year had to be started the way you want the rest of the year to be.  
  
Plus on the side-note: Carmilla and Laura were still kind of fighting. There probably wouldn’t have been a kiss anyways and the brunette had not forgotten that she still was mad, certainly not so. However with the distance, there was also the heart craving for its lover.  
  
_Damn you, mon coeur._  
  
_Okay, lay off the French, Karnstein._ That was enough for the day. _Just because you are in the French part of Switzerland, doesn’t mean you have turned into a Frenchwoman._  
French people and Austrians were kind of frenemies. If you could say that. There was still some friendly rivalry from back in the days.  
  
Just as the teacher was about to get out of the bed and let the view astound her once again, she heard a sound that was so familiar. _Right!_ She owned a cell phone. After some struggling, Carmilla finally found the device with a message left for her. Her eyes grew wide.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _Where are you?_  
  
  
  
  
  
Carmilla could read the message, but she couldn’t answer. Her provider didn’t let her reply. Apparently her cell service wasn’t open in countries outside of the European Union -and freaking Switzerland of course wasn’t in the EU. Why had she decided to put up those safety measures again? _Always those obstacles._  
  
Normally she wouldn’t have replied at all, letting the student think about her action, but the message genuinely seemed to be out of concern, so it tugged at her heart a little. It was the 31st of December after all and she didn’t want to let the year end like that -fight or not.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _Look, I understand that you don’t want to see me._  
**Laura:** _Could you at least give me a sign that you are alive?_  
  
  
  
  
  
Again another obstacle was found: The house Carmilla was staying at, was freaking gorgeous, no really, great view and the best proximity there was to the skiing slopes, but guess what? No wifi. However there was cable internet, but know the catch? Carmilla Karnstein hadn’t brought her computer with her. How she hated her life now.  
  
On the other hand, Laura really seemed desperate. A kind of desperate that didn’t really indicate wanting to break up, right? Carmilla had listened to the voicemail again (yes, apparently all her calls went straight into her voicemail too… how nerve-wrecking) to figure out, if the tone in which she asked for a call back sounded rather sad or hopeful. Of course it was in vain. No one could tell a thing like that over that short message.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _I get it, you hate me._  
  
  
  
  
  
The messages really gave Carmilla some hope that whatever was broken between them, Laura wanted to fix it. After all, those weird stomach-flutter-feelings-things were still in Carmilla. _Ugh, how exhausting!_ You fall in love and poof, you can’t fall out of it anymore. It’s an endless circle that seemingly never ceases.  
  
Except… Ms. Karnstein didn’t want it to end, if she was honest to herself. She didn’t give her heart away, to retreat it shortly after a small bump had shown on the road. Okay, yes Laura would have to be the one to approach her this time. Her excuses and apologies better be damn great and her kisses afterwards damn good. Was she hoping too much? No, absolutely not. Carmilla never was one to say that she deserved much, but that much she did deserve. She did deserve to be treaten better, especially after what she had done for Laura. The blonde might not have seen it that way, but the professor was never like this to anyone else. She watched her freaking crap-shows with her! That had to meant something!  
  
_Kisses._ Okay, yes she craved one of them right now. Or twenty. Didn’t really matter. Laura would have liked it in the chalet. The landscape was a winter wonderland. The brunette had picked up that the student loved snow. She was spoiled with it in Vancouver. Europe didn’t have much of that since the beginning of the new century had begun. Climate change. Global warming. It really was a thing. Not to Carmilla though, as all the tops of the mountains surrounding her were shining in that beautiful white.  
  
_Sigh!_ Yes, Laura would have loved it there and Carmilla would have loved her company.  
  
It seemed like all the anger and the rage she had one day ago vanished just like that. Sometimes a change of scenery could do that to you. Maybe also the fact that that complete trip had been sponsored by Renata Karnstein was satisfying too, even though she was actually quite happy to do so.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _Seriously?_  
  
  
  
  
  
Carmilla’s heart ached. It was like the universe was playing a trick on her. If she hadn’t received those messages, she would probably not have missed Laura that much. Why did she receive those texts, if the cell didn’t cover southern Switzerland? Stupid Swiss with their stupid neutrality or whatever it was, that held them back from joining the European Union. Never was politics such an interesting topic to dwell about, as now.  
  
The sun was on its highest peak, shining over one of the mountains surrounding her, highlighting it’s pointy top. The snow was glistening in a golden hue. It reminded her of the first morning Laura had woken up naked in her bed. The professor’s lips automatically curled into a content smile.  
  
Laura’s golden hair, ignited by the sunlight, the slight green that could be traced in her eyes, when highlighted by the gold of the sun. All of her beauty was in front of Carmilla’s eyes for that moment. That beautiful back with the vertebras sticking out, the delicate, smooth skin. The brunette’s fingertips tingled, just by the thought of running them along the small ridges.  
  
She couldn’t sit still anymore. The dark haired beauty hadn’t packed much, but she had brought that notebook Laura had given to her. After finding it in that small bag of hers, she immediately started to write down all of the things that came to her mind. As she did that, her right hand absentmindedly drove through her hair. For some moments she imagined, it was her lover, who was standing behind her and doing that small gesture. How she loved feeling those fingertips against her scalp. Against her skin on her whole body. Her lover’s touch that she craved in that moment.  
  
Then Carmilla frowned. Were they even lovers anymore?  
  
Thought scratched from the mind. Even if they technically weren’t together anymore -it all depended on Laura, because the brunette had almost no say in this, if the blonde didn’t want to anymore- but even if so, Carmilla was sure that they still would remain lovers.  
  
Just because.  
  
Because the dark haired woman still would love the tiny journalism student. With all of her flaws and her neurotic behavior, with all the rough edges, even with the hurtful assumptions and the quirks. _With the quirks come the perks._  
  
It was possible that they were star-crossed lovers. _So it be it._  
  
…  
  
Laura was sitting at a karaoke bar, watching some soccer game rerun (Seriously, who watches soccer game reruns?), here and there popping a peanut into her mouth and sipping on her beer. _New Year’s for losers._ It was her university hang-out, which was worse, because actually people she really knew were there and kind of were pitying her, whenever she mentioned that she was alone.  
  
What was the use of having a girlfriend, if said someone didn’t even reply to her messages? Carmilla got them, that much the blonde could tell. She just didn’t answer her, which, granted she probably would also think about twice after her great performance some days ago. Still, a reply would have been nice. For all she knew, the brunette could have been kidnapped. However she blamed it on her behavior rather than the weird hijacking story, because she could see that Carmilla read the messages. She chose not to write her. She chose it.  
  
How had she been such an ass? Ugh, LaF was right, Carmilla was all Laura could think about. She had to drown herself in her sorrow… _Or you know, more alcohol._  
  
  
  
No idea how, but the journalism student had made some friends from some Psychology class at Silas. American exchange students. _Sandy Something_ and _Norah Nobody-Cares_ were her new buddies. They were at least equally drunk as her and both blonde. The blonde threesome would lose themselves in a fit of giggles, every 5 minutes, forgetting the world around them. In midst of their conversations the student would always look at her phone, awaiting a reply, just something, but nothing came.  
  
  
„Hey, hey and did you check out that hot professor in Psychology? Mr. Gruber or something?“, Sandy asked, the other nodded eagerly.  
  
„Does he have a penis? I don’t like penis!“, both were looking at Laura’s direction with furrowed brows.  
  
„Wait, so you like girls?“  
  
„Yeah…?“, the dark blonde girl was alert now -doesn’t matter how drunk you are- you listen up, when you think you are sitting with homophobes, „Why?“  
  
„You’re _way too pretty to be gay_ … Are you pretending to be? I mean, for the boys?“, blondie #2 asked.  
  
Okay the first sentence was something the amateur journalist got often -although not so often from girls, so she took it as a compliment.  
  
„No, I don’t pretend, I do like girls. I enjoy their feminine beauty, their curves, their genital parts, everything about them.“, Laura Hollis had a loose tongue, when on the booze.  
  
„Oh my god, that’s like totally hot!“, blondie #1 said, kind of scooting closer, if that was possible on a barstool.  
  
Laura didn’t like the idea of her being the middle of a sandwich between two horny (apparently) bi-straight girls anymore, „Hehe… Hot, yes.“  
  
„So tell us about _your_ professor crushes… Like, _who_ do _you_ find hot…? Woman-wise.“, Sandra wiggled with her eyebrows.  
  
„I don’t have many female professors.“, Laura wasn’t lying about that.  
  
„Stop the bullshit, lightweight, tell us!“  
  
„Uh, almost all of them are really old and moldy… I really don’t like that kind, if you know what I mean…“  
  
„What about that new one?“, Norah asked, „The dean’s daughter!“  
  
„We had her as a substitute, and like every guy in Psychology wanted to be in her pants, that’s how hot she is. And young too, you know? I heard she’s like 20 or something“, the other blonde added. God, Laura was wondering how much their parents had paid to get them into Silas.  
  
„Right, she’s also super hot, like totally. Camille something…“, the other blondie interjected again.  
  
„Her name’s Carmilla, I am in her English Lit. course.“, the journalism student was blushing.  
  
So Carmilla’s beauty was apparent to others as well. Not only to her. Even if it came from two drunk straight girls. Okay, that actually made it more valuable (maybe minus the drunk part).  
  
  
„Oh my god, you are like totally blushing! Admit it, she’s hot!“, Sandy urged Laura.  
  
„Okay!“, the journalism student conceded and added with a smile, „That professor is smoking hot!“  
  
It felt good to be talking about Carmilla like that. Like a 17 year old school boy it is, but still. Ugh, alcohol, was her dearest friend in that moment. That night, it definitely was appreciated. Laura just wasn’t allowed to exaggerate, like always (she was planning on not having the biggest hangover in history).  
  
  
  
„Hey bitches, it’s only 2 hours until midnight! Wooohoo!“, Norah cried out loudly and giggled.  
  
„Let’s get some numbers, before we end up alone tonight.“, Sandy hastily suggested.  
  
„Yeah, you guys go, I’m gonna wait around here.“, Laura laughed at the both of them, who shrugged at each other and went off. Finally, no weird, gross sexual tension anymore, the blonde thought.  
  
Just as she was about to order herself another set of peanuts, something under her palms started vibrating. Oh god, how much did she drink that she… Oh, okay, it was her phone.  
  
_Wait._ Her phone, she probably should pick it up…  
  
  
„Hello?“  
  
„Hey there.“  
  
Laura would have recognized that voice from everywhere. Accompanied with her favorite greeting. A simple ‚Hey there.‘  
  
„So you do have a phone. I was starting to worry.“, the bar was loud, so the blonde went outside.  
  
„My phone doesn’t work here. I am out of reach for the cell service coverage or something.“  
  
„Cell service?“, the student wondered, she looked at the number that had called her, it was a foreign one, starting with +41. „Wait, where are you calling me from?“  
  
„A payphone in Switzerland.“  
  
„ **WHAT?** What are you doing in Switzerland?“  
  
„Well, I actually don’t really know. See, I just called up my mother and asked about the chalet that she was staying at and if she still had it rented out and I don’t know I kind of needed a break and- sorry, I’m rambling.“  
  
„Rubs off, I see.“, the blonde responded, deeply in her thoughts. „So you went to Switzerland?“  
  
_She went to a freaking country on the other side of Austria to escape her lunatic of a girlfriend, great Hollis!_  
  
„I thought, I could use a vacation… I mean, you went to London, you had a change of scenery... This is my change of the scenery. It’s good to get out of town once in a while.“ It was the most charming way to put it, without blaming anyone for the fact that she felt the need to flee the country.  
  
Laura felt her heart ache. Carmilla had chosen a chalet in Switzerland over her. Okay, maybe she did deserve that, after her behavior. Hell, even if there hadn’t been the fight, she couldn’t have won against a chalet in Switzerland. She could imagine that it was beautiful. She never had been to the Swiss Alps. Or anywhere near Switzerland at all, actually.  
  
  
„So you won’t be home for New Year’s?“, it was rather an observation than a question.  
  
„No.“  
  
„Okay.“  
  
„Laura…“  
  
„Yeah?“  
  
The professor almost apologized, then remembered that she had a right to do whatever she was doing right now. The student had to figure out what she wanted for herself. She couldn’t always push her in the direction, she wanted her to go for herself. Someone doesn’t learn how to walk, if you guide them all the way long. You have to let them fall and learn, and that’s what Carmilla planned on doing. Let go of Laura’s hand for a while, see where she bumps into. See, if she can find her way back to her and grab her hand again.  
  
That’s what the blonde liked about her after all. She told her on the night they slept together for the first time.  
  
  
„You would like it here.“ It was a little odd that over the phone everything seemed so easy and sorted out and in person it all was a giant pile of mess.  
  
„Yeah, probably.“, Laura replied, her gaze was directed up the sky. _Only because you would be there._

„What are your plans for tonight?“  
  
„I’m actually spending it in a karaoke bar.“ _Forgetting that my girlfriend isn’t spending New Year’s eve with me, because I blew everything._  
  
„ _Oh_ … Well, don’t get too drunk.“, there was concern to be heard in the voice of the brunette. So she still cared. That was a good sign.

„Why did you call?“, it was strange, Laura hadn’t asked about the purpose of the call at all until then. She fell into conversation with her teacher that easily.  
  
„I didn’t want you to think that I was ignoring you, because I really wasn’t. And _I do not hate you_ , just so you know...“, for that the dark haired woman hated herself a little, because that again came off too caring. She needed to be at distance, not only for herself, but for Laura too. She needed this. The student needed to see, what her accusation did to her.  
  
For all she knew, Laura still was figuring things out, even if they never had talked about this. It was clear to her that they were on a break of some sorts or kind of half together -whatever- the point was that she shouldn’t push her. Little did the brunette know that the student already had her mind made up. And Laura really needed to hear those words from her. For the assurance.  
  
Laura drew in a sharp breath, „I miss you, Carm.“  
  
„Absence makes the heart grow fonder, sweetheart, trust me, I would know.“  
  
The blonde smiled to herself, that was Carmilla’s way of saying ‚I miss you too.‘. She could live with that for now.  
  
„Happy New Year, Laura.“  
  
„Happy New Year.“  
  
…  
  
It was Saturday, when Carmilla finally had seen enough snow for an entire year. The white brightness was blinding her and her heart was ready to go back to Styria and finally finding out, what the deal about her relationship was. And of course, there was the thing with her mother too that needed to be solved. She had postponed it the whole time, letting a month pass. It was only one more week until Ell’s wedding.  
  
The brunette completely forgot about her mother-issues, as her heart was only rooting for the tiny journalism student. She couldn’t give in though. She had to make her point clear in that situation. Laura had to come up with the solution this time. It was time that the blonde did some thinking on her own.  
  
Despite everything in Carmilla’s heart said that she should at least let Laura know that she was back, she didn’t do it. She would find it out soon anyways. University was starting on Monday and the professor remembered a certain meeting she was supposed to have with her favorite student. For the interview for Silas Gazette.  
  
That had to be soon enough.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile at the KFH dorm in Laura’s room Perry, LaFontaine and the amateur journalist were sitting on the floor and celebrating their own New Year’s party. Granted, it was already the 2nd of January, but who cared? They even exchanged the Christmas gifts (the redheads hadn’t unpacked theirs and brought them with them).  
  
Laura had yet again gotten a full batch of Perry’s cookies -the Christmas edition- along with some joke articles and alcohol for her home bar (a.k.a. under her desk) and she got gifted a book ‚How to Love Properly‘. Laura shot LaF a glare and thanked them, they only smirked in return.  
  
„Well Laura, thank you for your hospitality and the gift, I loved it! I have to go to work now though. LaFontaine will be keeping you company!“, the curly redhead said and stood up. She was working at a bar at the weekends, trying to save some extra money. The couple had mentioned that they were thinking of moving in together. It was kind of cute.  
  
„Oh, right, thanks for the cookies and you know, all your gifts!“  
  
„Sure, we’ll see each other soon, I hope!“, Perry stepped in, to hug Laura, who had gotten up with her and whispered something into her ear, „I’m glad that you two figured it all out. LaFontaine really was shaken up after your fight.“  
  
When Laura got out of the embrace, she smiled at the other college girl, who now bent down and kissed her partner.  
  
„See you tomorrow, love you.“  
  
„I love you too.“  
  
  
  
„Ugh you two are entirely too gross.“, Laura grimaced and laughed after Perry was out of the door.  
  
„You are just jealous that you don’t have your Carmilla with you right now.“, LaF stuck out their tongue and the blonde’s laugh subsided.  
  
„Yeah...“  
  
Okay, LaFontaine, probably shouldn’t have said _that_ …  
  
„Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about what I said. It came off wrong, I didn’t mean-“, they tried to save it.  
  
„It’s totally fine, really.“, the blonde moved to sit on her bed and leaned back, her friend also rising up and joining her.

  
„Still nothing from professor sexy?“  
  
Laura shot them an annoyed glare, „You’ve gotta stop calling her _that_.“  
  
„Right… I promise, I’ll try to lay off the professor/student jokes too.“, the redhead cast the journalism student an assuring smile, „And?“  
  
„And what?“  
  
„I asked, if you’ve heard anything from Carmilla.“  
  
„No I haven’t. Radio silence.“, Laura sighed, „Maybe she has decided to move to Switzerland or I don’t know, _anywhere far away from me_.“  
  
„From what you’ve told me, she really seems into you. Just cut her some slack. She’ll come around.“  
  
„I just hope that you are right.“, the tiny student let her gaze wander to her desk, where she could see the calendar, „She has to see me on Friday. We have class on Friday… I hate the fact that Wednesday is a holiday.“  
  
„Well, see it as 6 more days to get prepared for whatever you want to say to her.“  
  
„You think, she won’t try to contact me before that?“  
  
„I don’t know, to be honest. Besides, I’m pretty sure that she’s the one that’s waiting for _you_ to contact _her_.“  
  
„Why would I? I already sent her a bunch of texts. I must come off as a lunatic again.“  
  
„And she called you on New Year’s, didn’t she? Trust me, she knows that you’re a lunatic...“, they laughed.  
  
„Oi, stop insulting me... I know, she called, but… It’s just… I don’t wanna come off too eager and clingy.“  
  
„Hollis, seriously you can be so daft sometimes. Did it occur to you that maybe _that’s_ what she is waiting for? For you to actually show, what _you_ want?“  
  
„Hey! Who said that I have to be the one, who…“, the look LaF was giving her was enough to shut her up, „Fine… I’ll think of something.“  
  
…  
  
Carmilla almost forgot, how a suit felt on her body. It was a strange feeling to be walking around in formal attire again. Her trench coat that she was wearing over her blazer was nothing but good-looking. The cold was getting to her, but she didn’t mind, as her car had a heating system (Okay, which did not, really?) and the little stops she had to take that day did not require too much walking in the cold.  
  
The brunette was pacing straight through Silas’ campus absentmindedly, when she noticed that a lot of people were staring at her, when she passed them. Did she look exceptionally good that day? She didn’t know. It didn’t matter.  
  
The dark haired woman was on her way to her mother’s office. She had a new plan: confronting Renata about the news paper article and then slowly starting to talk about Ell. Carmilla still had no clue, how she could tell her mother that she knew about the money transfers, without telling her that she had been snooping around in her house.  
  
  
  
„Carmilla!“, Renata seemingly was in a good mood, when her only daughter showed up at her office.  
  
„Mother.“, the younger Karnstein nodded and closed the door behind her.  
  
The mother rushed over to the daughter and placed a kiss on the brunette’s cheek. That caught Carmilla by utter surprise. She felt her whole body stiffen. That didn’t feel right at all. Her mother showing her affection? Either she was in an exceptionally good mood or hell was breaking lose underneath them at that moment. She actually for once hoped it was her mother simply being happy.  
  
„You are very chipper.“, Carmilla dared to notice and sat down on one of the visitor’s chairs.  
  
„And you look very dapper.“, oh snap, Renata could do wordplays.  
  
„Okay… You are in a _really_ good mood…“  
  
„I am, dear. How was your Christmas?“, there was even the smalltalk. Would you look at that?  
  
„Fine, thank you. May one ask, _why_ you are all chipper?“  
  
„Well, I had a really good time in Switzerland, which you probably did have too?! And a new year has started on us, dear.“, Renata replied with a smile.  
  
„Right… Yeah, Switzerland was perfect. Alps, the snow... I really needed a little vacation. I was sort of drowning in work over here, a very welcomed distraction indeed.“  
  
  
„Why are you here, Carmilla?“ Right, the brunette was so distracted because of Renata’s strange behavior that she almost forgot to talk about the real reason behind her visit.  
  
„Well, while you were away, I felt really offended by something that I believe _you are behind_.“, a diplomatic way to put it.  
  
„You have to be more specific, Carmilla.“, the older woman urged her daughter. Carmilla looked through her satchel that was resting on the floor and fished out the local newspaper with the article on her and her ex-girlfriend.  
  
  
„What is this? How do you explain? I mean, seriously?“, the young brunette showed her mother the article, who sighed and put it away, like she already knew it too well.  
  
„Dear, I thought that this is the best way to protect your career.“  
  
„Oh my god, _you really did this_ … I mean, I did suspect you, I was 99% sure that it was you, but that 1 percent that I wasn’t… God, _I can’t believe you_!“, Carmilla rose up from her chair.  
  
„I don’t see any reason as to why you should lose your temper like that, Carmilla.“  
  
„ **What?!** “, the professor drove her hand through her hair, „You do know how much of a hypocrite that makes you, don’t you?“  
  
„Why would you say that?“, Renata remained calm, but her mood evidently had shifted from happy to annoyed.  
  
„Because you have done nothing to support my romantic choices, as you gallantly put it, and-“  
  
The older woman suddenly started laughing, „Dear, do you expect me to get affected by your little tirade? You should be thanking me that I am supporting it now.“  
  
„Excuse me?! Thanking you? For what? That you decided to accept your daughter? As long as you’re the good guy in the public eye? Poor Renata Karnstein, the principal with the lesbian daughter…“  
  
Renata sighed, „Carmilla, can you for once not behave like a child. It is not always about me, as you like to point it out. _You_ have gained a lot of positive reactions from this too.“  
  
„Yeah? Like what? Being out in the public eye? Being _your_ publicity case?“  
  
„Like the fact that you are in Silas Gazette’s January issue. They have portrayed you to be one of the most inspirational teachers in this school.“  
  
„What the hell are you even talking about?“, Carmilla really had enough from all the stupid surprises.  
  
„Here…“, the older woman took out an issue of the paper and handed it to her daughter, „Read for yourself.“

 

* * *

 

_„… with that said it is of great importance to show our full respect to Ms. Karnstein. She is brave and strong and she needs to know that Silas is behind her. We salute you, and good luck with your girlfriend.“  
\- **Laura H.,** Silas International University for the **Silas Gazette.**_

 

* * *

  
  
There was a picture of Carmilla and Ell, just outside her house. The brunette recognized her clothes from that day, it was the day she went to confront her ex. Someone had taken a picture of her. There was a name under the image. © **James V.** _SilasPhotographers_  
  
_What the hell?_ Now that meant that the interview for the following day was cancelled, right? Laura clearly had her article covered...  
  
Why would Laura write something like this about her? Now she knew exactly, how the blonde got the idea of her cheating on her. _She was behind this._  
  
„Excuse me, I think I’m gonna go kill someone now.“, the brunette said, barely audible and made her way out of the office with her satchel thrown over furiously. She had thought she’d give Laura some time to come around, but no- this was serious business. That her mother did something like this? Totally understandable and predictable. But how could her girlfriend do such a thing (or whatever they were).  
  
  
  
Laura was sitting outside on her campus, preparing for her Monday-afternoon journalism class, when some of her colleagues from class passed her by and congratulated her. It was weird. Were they talking about her performance of Whitney Houston’s ‚I will always love you‘ at the karaoke bar she was at on New Year’s? She didn’t know. If that were the case, she totally wanted the ground to open up in front of her and be devoured by some mystical creature.  
  
That would be better than having the whole campus know about her drunk escapades.  
  
Just as she was about to continue her reading, an elegant brunette creature caught her eyesight. It was her English Lit. professor - _the very one_ \- that was making her way to her. Oh my god, she was approaching _her_. Did Laura look good enough? Why wasn’t she wearing anything sexy? Oh right, because it was winter and like really cold. Carmilla looked like she was annoyed or enraged.  
  
_Oh, no._ That was no good sign.  
  
Laura was bracing herself for whatever the brunette would say to her. When the dark haired beauty came to a halt in front of the student, she did something, the amateur journalist never would have thought…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like talking: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	23. Love And Other Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla doesn't want the uncertainty anymore.  
> Laura has to decide what she wants.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for each and every one of you lovely, beautiful people xoxo  
> Thank you for bearing with me and this story :)

„Explain! _What is this?_ “, Carmilla threw a copy of the Silas Gazette’s January issue into Laura’s lap.  
  
The blonde seemed clueless, she looked around campus to see, if anyone was near them. Her eyes flew down to the newspaper and she quickly caught on to the problem. The article of Carmilla with the picture of Ell and her smiling at each other was published in the paper.  
  
An article. _Under her name_. What the frilly hell was this?  
  
„I thought that you had at least a little decency to not publish something like that about me.“, the brunette really tried to be diplomatic about it, really tried to be patient about everything.  
  
„I didn’t write this!“, Laura said, with her eyes wide.  
  
„Uh, I am pretty sure, you are the only Laura H. that gets published by the Gazette! Like, really Laura?!“, the professor shot back. Carmilla was starting to get a little angry.  
  
„Yes, but someone must have published this under my name! I didn’t do this! You have to give me the benefit of the doubt!“  
  
„Like _you_ did with me?“, what a comeback. Carmilla had that challenging look on her face and that sentence took everything from Laura.  
  
„I’m sorry about th-“  
  
„God, you know, how I hate being out in the public eye like that! _How could you do this?!_ “  
  
„Carm, I… Really didn-“  
  
There was no chance to finish the sentence, because the brunette was already storming off.  
  
„Wait!“, Laura cried after her, and after she didn’t stop, the student got to her feet and started following her teacher through the campus -not caring who was watching them.  
  
„ **I said, wait!** “, the blonde said once again and held the teacher back by her arm.  
  
Carmilla yanked her arm free and turned around, the few centimeters she had on Laura now coming to use, as she was staring down at her student. Intimidating was an understatement in that moment.  
  
„Why?“, it was not particularly angry, but obviously expecting something.  
  
„Because…“, it was only now that Laura noticed some people staring at them, feeling the tension between them, „Can we please do this in your office?“  
  
The dark haired woman took in a deep breath, „ _Fine._ “  
  
They both made their way to the faculty members’ building in awkward silence. With each step they came closer, the blonde felt more pressured to find the right words, lay them out like a poem. Make them sound good, because she knew, she had only one chance.  
  
  
  
The moment they stepped into the office, Carmilla closed the door, throwing a look of expectance at her student.  
  
„Carm…“  
  
„Don’t call me _that_.“  
  
„What…?“, Laura whispered incredulously.  
  
„I don’t want to hear you call me _that_ , when we are talking about something as serious as this.“  
  
„Are you for real now?“  
  
„Yes, I am.“, the brunette frowned, not knowing why it was so off that she had meant it. She was easily distracted by the nickname. It made her feel _those feelings_. She needed to think rational now.  
  
The blonde inhaled deeply, „Okay then, I am sorry about everything. I am sorry that I ruined everything, I’m so sorry that I let you believe that I didn’t trust you.“  
  
A good start, right?  
  
**No.**  
  
„ _Let me believe?_ Laura, you _don’t_ trust me. It’s an actual fact. You were the one who told me that you never trusted anyone enough, to let them in, do you remember? On our first date you told me that.“, the professor’s eyes bored into hers and she couldn’t hold the gaze, so instead she fixated a spot on the floor. They were still standing in the middle of the office, with a lot of space between them.  
  
„But that’s not true…“ _Not anymore. It never was true, when it came to you._ The student tried to reason, but couldn’t say it out loud.  
  
She couldn’t say that she might possibly, maybe, perhaps, by a tiny chance, have fallen a little in love with her. That she was scared. That this made her into this puddle of weakness. That her insecurities lie in all of that mess. That she is a complete mess. That her heart was already falling for her from the start at that stupid sendoff-party and that she in her own way was trying to protect herself, only to be betrayed by her mind, because she wasn’t sane.  
  
  
How could anyone ever not want to fall in love with Carmilla?  
  
And how wasn’t she able to say it out loud?  
  
Fear of rejection maybe?  
  
Yes, probably.  
  
  
„I am terrible, I know, and I just was jealous and irrational, I really regret what I said to you.“  
  
„See, all I’m hearing are your excuses for why you let a simple thing like that meeting with Ell turn you into **this** …“, Carmilla was looking for the right word, but couldn’t come up with anything fitting for the blonde’s behavior.  
  
What was Laura so scared of? She didn’t understand herself. She had gone through it with LaF, why was it so easy to admit it then, but now… The fear of rejection was taking ahold of her.  
  
„I think you should go now.“, Carmilla suddenly remarked.  
  
Laura’s shot her counterpart a pleading look. At that the brunette’s face softened, but still the seriousness was in her voice.  
  
„I mean, you should go and try to figure out, what you want. I’ll be here tomorrow, I’ll be here next Sunday, for all I know, I’ll be here a lot of days. I’ll be waiting, Laura. You know, where to find me. Just figure out, if you can trust me or not, because I really need _at least_ _that_ from you…“, Carmilla was eating up Laura’s soul with her intense stare, „… _If you can’t give me anything else, you need to give me that_ , if you still want to continue this relationship. _I at least deserve that_.“  
  
_If you can’t love me, then at least trust me._  
  
Laura slowly nodded, letting the words sink in. She understood the other woman completely.  
  
„Okay.“  
  
„Alright.“, the professor cast her a short smile -pained, but still- which the blonde returned.  
  
The student turned around to leave, her hand hovering above the door handle, when she decided to say a final thing.  
  
„Carmilla.“, she purposely used her full name, „ _I really didn’t_ write that article about you.“  
  
„Okay.“, the dark haired woman nodded, „I believe you. See it as my token of trust to you.“  
  
Laura nodded in return and got out of the office. Those feelings were suffocating her mentally. The blonde needed to express them to her lover (or whatever they were).  
  
Only question left: _How to do something, you never have done in your life?_  
  
…  
  
Laura was rushing down some steps, her class had ended and she really needed to do something. Her feet dragged her to Silas Gazette’s editorial office. Ed was on his desk and scrolling through some work, as the student approached him and cleared her throat.  
  
„Well, isn’t there my favorite blonde?“, he greeted her.  
  
„Cut it, Ed! _I know what you did!_ “, Laura threw in harshly.  
  
„What the hell are you talking about?“  
  
„The article on Ms. Karnstein? Seriously? Why on earth would you do that to me?!“  
  
„I thought you’d thank me that I made all the effort and let you have the credit, but go on, let me hear your reasoning!“, Ed looked at the amateur journalist expectantly.  
  
„Why the hell would you even do that? You knew that I wasn’t supporting you on writing that crap! Why on earth would you publish it under my name???“  
  
„Because it doesn’t come off good when the editor himself writes good publicity about the school he works at. It wasn’t only about her, it was about highlighting SU too. I thought practical, and you were writing about Karnstein anyways, I really don’t see the problem here!“  
  
„I am in her class, she has read the article and now probably is going to fail me!“, Laura knew that that wasn’t true. Carmilla was one of the fairest teachers she knew and even without the dating part, she would never do that, but she had to have a reason beside the ‚ _Because I’m kind of together with her and that just brought more bad blood between us, beside the usual crap that I am dealing with right now!_ ‘.  
  
„You can tell her that it was my doing, if that would appease you.“, Ed said, he clearly didn’t understand a thing. Ugh, men and their non-complex way of thinking.  
  
„I mean, did you even bother to look into her wanna-be girlfriend? She is getting married to someone else soon!“  
  
„What? How am I supposed to know that? There is nothing to be found on that person!“  
  
„Well yeah, great my _superb editor_ doesn’t even know, how to do his homework!“, Laura covered her eyes with her hands and exhaled deeply.  
  
„Laura, I am sorry, I really am! You are right, I should have…“, the editor tried to calm his writer.  
  
„Oh god just forget it, okay? **And forget me along with it!** “, the blonde was turning around to leave.  
  
„What is _that_ supposed to mean?“  
  
The student turned around again and gestured with her hands, „I don’t think I want to work for the Gazette anymore.“  
  
„What? Laura-“  
  
„No! _Save it._ Whatever crap you are about to pull about me _being talented_ and things- that is not going to do it this time. It really isn’t even only about this situation… I just don’t want to do it anymore.“  
  
The journalism student let that sink for a moment, before her ultimate leave.  
  
With that she buried the one career, she was striving for, but she didn’t know it then…  
  
…  
  
Some days had passed, since Carmilla’s offer -or rather plea- to Laura, to think about their relationship. It was Friday and inevitably the (still kind of) lovers had to see each other in class.  
  
Laura was -as almost always- first in class. Normally she would pass sweet nothings written out on paper to Carmilla, pretending it to be some project that she was working on and wanting to know about the professor’s opinion. Others did that too (handing in essays or poems, not love notes). The brunette’s criticism was valued a lot by the students.  
  
Only this was the first time Laura actually had something with a broader meaning to it, to pass to the teacher. She’d written her a letter. Laura had sat about 5 hours, contemplating, rewriting and remodeling the previous night -everything by hand. Her hand writing wasn’t the most beautiful one to look at, but she tried and all of the words came straight from her heart and soul. LaFontaine was the genius behind the idea. If it came to Laura, she probably would have waited still. It was perfect this way though. She would not have to really face her, no fear of direct rejection, right?  
  
The journalism student had been up until 4 am to finish her letter. If she was honest to herself, she would have written a lot more. Laura had so much more to say than the words she chose to write down, but she had stopped. Not only because a 16 page letter was too much too read, but because she wanted to tell Carmilla the rest in person.  
  
The door opened and for a fraction of a second Laura almost threw her hand-written letter that was safely placed into a black folder, into her bag, deciding on not giving it to her teacher, before her courage told her to stop. This was no time to be a coward now. The blonde had to do this. There was also the factor that it wasn’t Carmilla, who stepped through the door, and into the classroom. It was two students that were in class with her.  
  
„… Did you read the article on her?“, one said to the other.  
  
„Yeah, it’s a shame she’s into chicks, because _I would totally bang her_.“

  
Laura jumped up from her desk.  
  
„You guys are the most insensitive idiots that I’ve ever seen in my life. **God!** How can you talk about someone like that? _Like she’s a piece of meat?_ “  
  
Both stared at her in surprise.  
  
„It’s easy for _you_ to talk! _You’d_ have chances with her!“, one of them started laughing.  
  
„ **Fuck you, both of you!** Ms. Karnstein is a human being for fuck’s sake and I won’t let you talk about her that way.“, Laura’s voice got a little louder, the three students hadn’t realized that there was someone else stepping inside the room, „Just shut up, before I do something that will end your homophobic crap.“  
  
„Oh yeah? Do _you_ think you can take two men?“  
  
„I’m not opposed to a threesome, ya know.“, the other one of the douchebags said, winking at her.  
  
  
„You do realize that _that_ makes _you_ a little gay, Mr. Mayer, don’t you?“, Carmilla’s voice cut through their conversation. Laura’s head immediately turned to see her beautiful face. The brunette looked at her shortly, before averting her gaze.  
  
„Ms. Karnstein, we didn’t realize that you-“, one of the douchebags tried.  
  
„Save it, you can both leave this room, right now. And keep away from my class for the rest of this semester.“, the professor nodded to the door. Her arms were crossed on her chest, as she was expectantly waiting for them to comply.  
  
„You can’t do that.“  
  
„I can and _I will_.“  
  
„With what reason?“  
  
„Well, first of all, you two did insult me, which I normally don’t get affected by anyways, but the more important reason is that I witnessed you two threaten Ms. Hollis here, and that shall be enough to throw you two out. I am responsible for _my students_ …“, Carmilla looked at the blonde, before continuing, „And therefore I do chose to cut you from my class. You can take a test to get your certificate for this seminar, don’t worry, but _don’t come back_.“  
  
„This is so unfair. My dad’s gonna hear from this, he’s a lawyer.“, the taller of the two guys said to her, as he was rising up from his seat.  
  
„Oh yeah? Well, _my mother is the dean of this school_ , so you’ll excuse me, if your threat only bores me and fails in intimidating me. And now, leave, _please._ “  
  
They did, with another grunt and some more insults whispered under their breath.  
  
  
„Are you okay?“, Carmilla asked Laura with a frown, after the room was empty again, only leaving the two standing there.  
  
„I should be asking _you_ this.“  
  
„Yeah, well, I did know, how this was going to be, that’s why I choose not to tell everyone about my private life. Media always paints coming out to be all peachy, but the reality is that it is a pain in the ass. Thanks for defending me though...“  
  
„That was no big deal. I still feel bad about the whole thing. I’m sorry about the article, I already talked to Ed about this.“, the blonde tried to make it better, but saying sorry sometimes wasn’t enough. The damage had been done on that part, even though this wasn’t particularly her fault.  
  
„Yeah, well, don’t worry… How are you aside of that little dispute with your fellow students?“, the dark haired woman in suit wanted to know. She noticed that the blonde didn’t look like she’s had a good night’s sleep. Not that she wasn’t beautiful nonetheless…  
  
„Good.“, Laura’s eye fell to the black folder on her desk, „Actually I wanted to-“, she stopped mid-sentence, because some students came in.  
  
Carmilla shot a quick glance to Laura, before making her way to her desk. The blonde only sighed silently and sat back down.  
  
  
Class wasn’t ending soon enough, the blonde was still sleepy, the bags under her eyes were indication for that. Laura didn’t participate that much, her sleepy gaze was wandering to the window. Suddenly everything that happened outside was more interesting than paying attention, she really had tried hard to keep focus, but it wasn’t manageable.  
  
„Ms. Hollis, _am I boring you?_ “, Carmilla asked her student a little amused.  
  
„No, no! Not at all!“  
  
The brunette glanced through the room, „I see you all are still in the holidays…“, she sighed and eyed the watch on her left wrist, „I know it’s a little early, but I’m calling it quits for today. You should all go enjoy your weekend, before we fully start on our last work for this semester on Wednesday!“  
  
Everyone seemed to be happy about that, as they eagerly packed up.  
  
„Ms. Hollis, I would like to talk to you in private, please remain seated.“, the blonde shot her a confused look (she would have stayed anyways until everyone was gone, to give the other woman her letter). The students were all lined up to place their signature on the attendance list.  
  
  
  
„What’s wrong?“, Carmilla asked, as the last person had gone and they were left alone in the room.  
  
„Nothing’s wrong.“  
  
„What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, Laura?“  
  
„I just haven’t slept well last night.“, the blonde finally admitted.  
  
„That’s it? Nothing else you want to tell me?“  
  
„No, nothing else.“  
  
„Okay then. You can go after signing.“, the brunette held out the attendance list, which the student took and marked with her name. „Thanks.“, the teacher offered a short smile and packed up her things.  
  
  
„Carm?“  
  
Carmilla immediately looked up, hearing that nickname, „Yeah?“  
  
„I have something for you…“, Laura held out her pile of lose paper sheets that she had managed to put into a black folder.  
  
„Something for _me_... To read?“  
  
„Yes.“, the student didn’t meet her lover’s gaze.  
  
„What is it? What do you need my help with?“, Carmilla was about to open the folder, but was stopped.  
  
„No! It’s nothing like _that_. It’s not school related. Open it at home, you will want to read through this in peace and quiet. It’s gotten quite long.“  
  
„Okay? Can I know what this is?“, the brunette had seriously been bracing herself for some weird essay for Laura’s journalism class.  
  
„It’s the answer that I promised you, when walking out of your office on Monday.“  
  
Carmilla needed some minutes to comprehend.  
  
„Oh… You… Wrote it out?“  
  
„Yes, because I couldn’t say it out loud- Would you just please read it? I can’t- I can’t do this like this… I’m gonna head home and rest… And you read that, when you get home, okay?“  
  
Carmilla wasn’t given the time to answer to that, as Laura quickly vanished through the door.  
  
The brunette was bracing herself for the worst thing that could happen. Laura was being weird. _Not being able to talk about…?_ That sounded very much like a break-up. Carmilla shoved the folder into her bag and made her way to her office. She wouldn’t be at home until later in the afternoon and actually wasn’t looking forward to it. Then it would be official. She probably would officially be single again by then. That wasn’t something joyful.  
  
Her heart ached in her chest.  
  
_Shit, how could everything fall apart like this?_  
  
…  
  
Carmilla came home from work later than anticipated, ready to start her weekend, because after that article on her had been published it had gotten tougher. She tried to let it not affect her that much, but it still was bugging her. The endless stares, weird remarks from students and even her colleagues.  
  
However, what she was not looking for, was Laura’s letter or whatever it was she gave to her. It got her thinking the whole time. If that was their end, she would have to be with her student for another few sessions with that weird tension between them.  
  
The brunette lit up a cigarette and sat down on her sofa with the folder placed in front of her. Carmilla absentmindedly groped around on her couch, finding the remote and turning on her TV. She needed something in the background. Carmilla’s choice fell on a music channel.  
  
[Kodaline’s ‚The One‘](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLPGtQoRUbk) was playing subtly.  
  
She could go with that. The dark haired woman took in a deep breath, opened the folder and got out the loose sheets of paper and started reading with shaking hands.

 

* * *

  
_Dear Carmilla,  
  
First of all I would like to start out with the words ‚I am sorry.‘. I know that you have heard it like a hundred times from me now, but not even the hundred and first time makes up for the way I have been with you. This is, why I have to apologise again, with a cool mind and without you interfering my thoughts. And you have occurred in them.  A lot.  
  
You have been in my mind since the first time we met. That night was magical. It was my new beginning. Even though I never thought that we would end up together, I still felt that pull you had towards me. You were like a light in a dark tunnel full of helplessness and grief. I followed that light and look, where it has brought us.  
  
My whole life I have been trying to figure out what I wanted from life. I never stopped thinking about the possibilities, except when it came to the word ‚love‘. Love was something I completely shut myself off from. I separated the idea of me falling in love from my system. It became something unreachable, something undesirable, as I was fearing for myself. I was scared that if I ever let someone in, if anyone in this whole world has my heart, I will be damned.  
  
The night you asked me about my perceptions of love, I gave you a simple answer. I told you that I never trusted anyone enough to fully give myself up to them. It was true. I have never been so honest about that subject with anyone, but you. I felt like I could tell you this, even though a normal person would never have told this someone they were on their first date with. Your reaction to it was nothing I would have ever anticipated actually. I didn’t see it back then, but you have been perfect. You are perfect.  
  
All this time, since we have been ‚unofficially officially‘ dating, you have been nothing but kind and caring to me. You were the most considerate person that I know, you still are. Even though you might hate me a little now, or a lot -I have no idea to which extent you are resentful towards me- I still think you are the most considerate and kind-hearted woman that I got to know.  
  
How did I get so lucky?  
  
This goes way back to the time, where we weren’t a thing at all. I see it now. I thought about that time a lot lately. I thought about you trying to protect me, about you trying to do, what you thought was the best for me. You always did, what you thought was the best for me, because you cared about me. And I infinitely hope that you still do, because what I am about to say/write really is something from the deepest depth of my heart and it is taking me all the courage to write it down.  
  
See, we are taught in journalism class that writing is definite. If you write something down and you get published, it will be your mistakes. So, do not make mistakes. Do your research correctly, otherwise you might lose your credibility.  
  
I am trying my best to do that now, because in the past I think you have had to deal with a lot of my shit -excuse me for my language. I probably lost a lot of my credibility to you. I am writing now, because that will be my definite choice, my definite answer. I am making this final, Carmilla. This letter, which I am writing to you now, is my means of saying I won’t back down from whatever I may decide to write down now.  
  
How do I put it best? I don’t even know. I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.  
  
When my mother died, a part of me died with her. I’m sure you can relate to that, you have had a similar experience with your father -and at this point I’m sorry if I am ripping open any wounds- but I want you to put yourself in my position with the hurt you felt back then. Can you imagine how the loss of a parent must have felt like, for a 12-year-old, who’s mother had been the most giving person she’d known?  
  
And now picture your best friend, your partner, who you have been with for 15 years, being taken away from you. That’s how it was for my father. And it was devastating for the both of us. Dad and me were completely lost, as our little family was not a family anymore. We were two broken people living under a roof. One was a child that just got into puberty and lost its mother, the other was a grown man, who just lost the love of his life.  
  
My dad was a wreck after she died. I never will forget him sacking down to the floor, when we got that phone call. My uncle Max, who was in Vancouver at that time, had to drive us to the hospital, because my father -the strongest person on earth, my hero- wasn’t able to drive anymore. He wasn’t able to function. It was like he was a hollow shell, life passing him by and I watched him be that for a long time. I watched him wither away. After two years of grief he decided to not talk about her anymore. He even took down any pictures with her. Our walls were as empty as our hearts.  
  
I experienced first hand what a loss like that makes out of you. And I feared it. I feared it more than I feared death. It haunted me. After my dad was becoming better in handling things -whatever his coping mechanisms were- he decided to move back to London. His business was blooming, the finance sector is something that never dies, and he is really good at his job, so we moved to where the money was. Money and a good future, as he had told me. Maybe deep down he did that out of melancholy. He had met my mother there after all and she is buried there, as I already told you once (don’t know, if you remember, doesn’t really matter). Maybe after all that time, he wanted to be close to her again. I don’t know, as he still hasn’t talked about that to me yet.  
  
After watching him work, pushing his limits, his and my relationship became different. He still was the caring person, that’s just his nature, but he was not the same man anymore. We grew apart and he often didn’t come home for days, because he just slept in his office. I guess it’s because I grew up to look more and more like her, I got everything from her. He saw in me what he lost in her, but I wasn’t her and that made him sad, I think, so he stopped coming home. That was around the time I got together with Emma. We were young, I was 16 and I had a huge crush on her. At that time I thought she was perfect.  
  
Things didn’t end well with her though, because with 17 I decided to go to Silas University after my A-Levels and she didn’t understand why on earth I would go to Austria, if I had my girlfriend in the UK. She told me that if I loved her, I would stay. I didn’t change my mind about coming to Austria and that was her answer. We broke up. I never told her that I loved her, even though I really think I did. I was just too scared. However to be honest, me wanting to attend Silas, wasn’t about her at all and that’s what she didn’t understand. I needed it, because I needed a fresh start, I thought to myself that if I had a change in lifestyle -or whatever it was- I would feel better about things. I needed that, because I couldn’t watch my dad being his indifferent self anymore. So with 18 I literally had nothing that was holding me back anymore and I came here to Silas International University.  
  
See, I had problems with keeping it together emotion-wise. I’ve had these weird encounters with my own sad-self for a long time. I didn’t know, where those mental breakdowns, or whatever they were, came from, but soon they turned out to be something else. I won’t tell you the depths of it, because I’m sure it already is a lot to read, and there is so much more to tell you and it’s 2 AM in the morning and I am really tired -sorry- As I was saying: I have experienced times, where I wished I was dead, I thought about suicide a lot. I never hurt myself though that’s what got me thinking that I didn’t have a problem, until I got diagnosed with depression. I am dependent on benzodiazepines. I take them regularly and they are supposed to help. I don’t understand the molecular steps behind them, but I have accepted them as a part of me and they really do help. Maybe there is also the placebo-effect that plays a role, but that’s probably just the sceptical journalist in me.  
  
Carmilla, you are the first person aside from LaFontaine -and of course my dad- to know. You are the first person that I am telling actively, because LaF only knows, because they sort of helped me back then and my dad of course knows, because he is my parent. This is a huge deal for me, Carmilla. Telling you, I mean. All of this actually, because I have never opened up to anyone in my life, like I am doing for you now. You have a piece of me now and I hope you will be gentle with it, because I can’t handle much more. I am weak. I am here, admitting to you that I am weak.  
  
I know it doesn’t excuse anything I did to hurt you, but I hope you now understand where my weird behaviour comes from or at least can conceive that it really has nothing to do with you. It’s all me. It always has been me and I am not saying that in a self-pity kind of way (or writing). I am writing it with determination. I have the determination to make it my mission from now on to see past all of those things and try to live again. I want to live normally. I owe it to you somehow, but more important reason: I owe it to myself.  
  
Let’s move to more merry subjects, shall we?  
  
It’s you Carmilla. I never wanted to be more alive than with you. I was so happy in the past weeks, we shared so many perfect moments together. I like to think that that version of me that you got to experience in our perfect and good moments, was the perfect me. That’s the person I would like to be always and that’s the feeling I want to have the whole time. When I am with you, everything is perfect. You are the one person in the world that ever made me feel that way. It’s the feeling of being alive. ALIVE. Not living.  
  
My heart flutters in my chest, when you look at me in a certain way and your smile, you always talk about mine, but god, have you seen your smile? You could enlighten a whole city, I’m pretty positive about that. I cannot imagine anyone hating your smile. I also love the way your hair is messy in the mornings, I got to see that often lately and I really hope that won’t change in future. I love your smugness, gosh, how it infuriates me sometimes, but oh, I equally love it. I love a lot of things about you and in the end I realise that without any effort you already were perfect from the start on.  
  
I could go on and on with this actually, but you know what? I would like to tell you in person.  
  
So. If you have made it this far and I haven’t broken the bond that was/is between us, or ruined our relationship completely, then I would like you to get in touch with me.  
  
You said you would be waiting, for me to make up my mind. Now it’s my turn to tell you that I’ll be awaiting your reply. I’ll be waiting, Carm.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
Laura ♥_

 

* * *

   
  
Carmilla was absolutely blown away by the letter. It was better than she had anticipated it. The brunette cursed herself in that moment for she could not just vanish into thin air and into Laura’s dorm room. Those superpowers would help her a lot in that situation, because she needed to see the blonde. **ASAP**. This was enough for her. The teacher needed Laura to know that she too wanted her. That she understood, even though not totally, but she could relate a little to her.  
  
She grabbed her car keys and immediately was on her way out. The letter was still in her hand, when leaving her apartment complex. Carmilla had never driven faster in that small town than on that evening. Never wanted to be somewhere so badly.  
  
When finally arriving at her destination -she hadn’t even bothered to park her car anywhere else, no she parked it directly in front of the campus- she hopped out of her vehicle and took the few steps to the KFH dormitory. It was pretty cold and the dark haired woman was only wearing a thin shirt, but that didn’t matter in that moment. Nothing mattered. Except _her_. Except Laura.  
  
Hastily she was ascending the few steps to the student’s dorm room. It was something after 9 pm, so not many people were there -most off to dorm parties somewhere- and the two students that were seen, hadn’t cared to look at her. Even if they had, Carmilla was pretty sure, it wouldn’t have mattered to her. _She matters now._  
  
Carmilla knocked, panting slightly from the sprint she did. She heard someone moving on the other side of the door. _Yes!_ She was at home. The door opened just some seconds after.

  
„Hey...?“, Laura said, with her eyes wide. _Surprise, surprise._  
  
  
„Hey there…“, Carmilla replied with a smile that never had left her since she had read the last few paragraphs on the blonde’s letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like useless rambles or like to ramble, you can do that over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	24. Infatuation Meets Discountenance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those three words.  
> How hard can it be to say them?  
> Apparently very, very hard. Ugh, poor souls!

Laura didn’t even have the energy to get out of her clothes, when crushing into her bed. She probably shouldn’t have spent half the night (and the morning) with writing a love letter to her professor. Was it even considered as a love letter? She just hoped that Carmilla would see, how much she meant to her. And that she wanted to give herself fully up to her. She wrote a lot of personal things into her letter after all. It should be worth something, right?  
  
Some hours had passed, Laura was in a light-sleep phase, when her phone rang. She groggily groped around her bed, when she finally could make up the noise to be in her jeans’ pockets.

  
„Hello?“, the amateur journalist picked up, before even checking, who was calling her.  
  
„L. you at home?“, it was LaFontaine.  
  
„Yeah, I am, why?“  
  
„Perry got asked, if she could work today’s night shift and I thought we could hang out tonight? Watch some movies?“  
  
„So I am your substitute girlfriend?“, Laura sleepily asked.  
  
„Be ready in 20 minutes Lois Lane, I’m coming over.“, they replied.  
  
„But LaF, I…“, the blonde heard that the other person had already hung up. She wouldn’t have declined the offer anyways, but wished that she had known earlier. She needed to shower.  
  
  
  
When LaFontaine finally arrived with a ton of movies to pick from on a flash drive (which they totally did not download illegally on the internet…), Laura had already showered and tidied up her room.  
  
„Do you want cookies or crisps?“, the blonde asked her guest, as they settled onto her bed with her laptop. She laughed at that sight. LaF was her best friend and of course they knew her password and all, but it was still funny, how at home they felt.  
  
„No, I’m good. I brought some candy for you, _the good kind_ …“, the redhead wiggled with their eyebrows.  
  
„No way! You brought me those strawberry twister thingies?“  
  
LaFontaine laughed out loud and pointed to their backpack, which was resting on Laura’s floor.  
  
„I love you, you know that?“  
  
„I know, but maybe you should tell a certain someone instead of me...“  
  
„Shut up and pick a movie.“, the blonde urged her friend.  
  
  
  
„Hey LaF?“, Laura interrupted a boring scene of the movie they were watching.  
  
„Yeah?“, LaFontaine was looking down to their shoulder, where the journalism student was resting her head.  
  
„How do you know?“  
  
„What do you mean?“  
  
„How do you know, you love someone for sure?“  
  
„Well, you just do? I guess.“  
  
„What made you sure that you love Perry?“  
  
LaF pulled back a little, causing Laura to sit up straight in her bed. The friends were looking at each other.  
  
„I have known my whole life, I guess. I mean, we were the bestest of friends since we could think straightly.“, the redhead laughed at their poor choice of words, „Or _not straightly at all_ \- you get it. But I just have known that I can’t be without her, even if it’s only as friends. That’s why I held back with telling her for so long. I didn’t want to lose her as my oldest friend.“  
  
„I think I feel that too.“, Laura trailed off in her thoughts.  
  
„Feel what?“  
  
„I mean, I don’t know Carmilla for _that_ long… And to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with her might be a little intense… But I think I do love her _a little_ … And for now I can’t imagine anyone else… I can’t picture myself kissing anyone else. Or letting anyone else touch me… Or her, I can’t imagine her being with anyone else. _I don’t want her to be with anyone else_.“, the journalism student was playing with her bracelet, the very one that was gifted to her by her girlfriend (or whatever they were right now).  
  
„Laura? That kind of sounds like you love her… _A lot_ …“  
  
„Is it bad?“, the blonde looked into the eyes of her friend, which were gentle, „To love, I mean. Is it worth it?“, the question broke LaF’s heart. Laura was really like their little sister. She was 3 years younger than them after all, so the feelings came naturally. Everyone, who met Laura Hollis had this urge to wanting to protect her.  
  
„Laura…“, the redhead reached forwards and placed their hand on the blonde’s shoulder, „Love is the most beautiful thing you can experience and you being your insecure self… That has to stop, I forbid it. Give Carmilla a chance, huh? I mean your whole situation is not something I support fully, but it’s not like she’s some old creeper… And you wouldn’t have fallen in love with her if she was that bad, huh?“  
  
„Yeah, she’s just perfect, I know, I say that a lot, but that’s jus-“  
  
Suddenly there was a knock to be heard. Both friends locked eyes, LaF frowning, Laura joining them in.  
  
„Are you expecting someone else?“, they asked, as the blonde rose up from her bed to open the door.

„Not that I was aware of...“  
  
Laura opened the door, and immediately was shocked to see the person on the other side.  
  
  
„Hey…?“  
  
„Hey there…“, Carmilla was smiling, beaming at her.  
  
Laura looked down and saw that the brunette was holding the loose sheets of paper that she gave her some hours ago in her left hand.  
  
„Laura…“, the professor was panting slightly, her ribcage giving away that she must have been out of breath.  
  
„Did you run here?!“, the blonde asked in shock, still not letting the older woman in, because of reasons (LaFontaine being the main one -even though she was sure, they could hear them).  
  
„No, I parked my car just outside, but I am a 24 year old, who doesn’t have time to work on her stamina, hence the breathlessness.“  
  
„I recall you having-“, Laura bit her lip, to prevent herself from talking further, because the redhead didn’t need more material to tease her afterwards. Carmilla was nice enough not to urge her to finish her sentence. The brunette was there for something else.

  
„Laura…“, she said again. Pointedly. Calculating. Or whatever, because she never came further than that.  
  
„Carm…“  
  
„Oh god _you two_ , are just a pain in my ass from only listening…“, LaFontaine was in sight for the teacher now, standing directly behind their best friend, „Carmilla would you like to come in? _Yes, please, Laura!_ Great, let’s talk! _Okay!_ “, they mocked.  
  
„I didn’t know you had company.“, the dark haired woman suddenly felt panic wash through her body.  
  
Laura immediately reached out her hand, but retreated it, after Carmilla flinched at her touch.  
  
„They know, Carm… And they wouldn’t ever tell anyone, they promised….“, the student looked at her friend.  
  
„Of course not!“, the redhead nodded assuringly.  
  
„Come in, before anyone else sees you out there and you are in _real_ trouble.“, Laura tried and the professor really obliged. The blonde closed the door behind her and came back to her former position. All three were awkwardly in a kind of circle in the middle of the room.  
  
  
  
„Laura, I thought I was clear about…“, Carmilla looked at LaFontaine, „…The importance of _keeping our relationship a secret_? You promised!“  
  
„Carm, I know and _I swear_ , I would have never broken it, if it were under _different circumstances_. In fact I only told them recently - shortly before New Year’s…“  
  
  
The pair was interrupted by LaFontaine clearing their throat, „L. I think my presence is not required anymore for this… You two have a good night and don’t kill each other or something.“  
  
Carmilla shot them a confused look and Laura looked at her friend with anxious eyes. They gave her a thumbs-up, before leaving her place with their backpack. The flash drive was still on Laura’s computer, but that didn’t matter to them that much.  
  
  
The blonde closed her eyes to recompose herself. Maybe she had screwed up again. She never should have gone to LaF… She never should have told them. The student had jeopardized her own relationship- **AGAIN!**  
  
Suddenly she felt two gentle hands on her shoulders, she instantly opened her eyes to be met by caring dark ones.  
  
„I would never have told LaF, if I wasn’t absolutely desperate- I swear and they already promised not to tell Perry and I know you don’t know them, but they are really loyal and they would never tell her, so-“, she blurted out, but stopped, when Carmilla shook her head and smiled, baring her teeth. _That beautiful smile of hers._  
  
„What?“  
  
„Did no one ever tell you yet that you talk entirely too much?“  
  
„Well… I mean, people sometimes tell me that, _you_ sometimes tell-“, the brunette was smirking down at her again, „Right, got it. Shut up, Laura.“, the blonde scolded herself.  
  
„No, I don’t want you to shut up. I just want you to talk about _something else_. Something with more importance maybe?“, Carmilla tried, rising her eyebrows slightly.  
  
„I thought the LaF-issue was important? Because they really-“  
  
„Laura!“, this was the third time Carmilla said the blonde’s name solely, without anything else following, but this time it was with more volume to her voice, „If you say that gingerhead won’t tell anyone, then I believe you and trust your judgement.“  
  
„Oh… Okay.“, the amateur journalist nodded slowly, holding her gaze on the floor. Carmilla’s hands that were still resting on her shoulders, slowly moved down her arms and came to a halt on her hands, intertwining their fingers. Laura dared to lock eyes with the dark haired woman.  
  
Carmilla was biting her lip and a hint of a smile could be observed. She was rocking forwards and backwards on her feet subtly, awaiting something, her eyes were dark and gentle. Almost scared, but at the same time curious. It felt like a whole eternity until Laura looked at her bed, where the movie still was playing on her computer and saw the letter that she had written to Carmilla was accompanying her Macbook.  
  
  
„You read my letter.“, the blonde finally uttered, meeting the teacher’s eyes again.  
  
Carmilla was being different. She was smiling, there was this complete sweet, innocent hopefulness in her expression. It was a complete different type of smile. The woman also couldn’t hold still, she was sort of hyperactive. As if she had eaten a whole pack of sugar or something. _When does one become so jittery?_  
  
„In your letter… You said you wanted to tell me more in person, so I just came. I didn’t even think about anything, I came flying to you.“, the professor’s thumb was tracing the blonde’s knuckles.  
  
„You did.“, Laura nodded, realizing the fact, „What did you think of it? Of the letter, I mean.“  
  
„I was blown away by it, Laura… I… What you wrote to me… And about your parents and you know everything else… I… Thank you, it means a lot to me, I want you to know that. I promise to take good care of the piece that you gave up to me.“  
  
„Good, because I need you to be gentle to that broken part of mine.“  
  
„I will, sweetheart, I will.“, Carmilla raised Laura’s hands to her lips and kissed the knuckles, „I will cherish it with all I have in me!“  
  
The blonde only smiled at the sweet gesture, she wanted to say more, tell her teacher all of the things that she had laid out perfectly in her head, but the silence in the moment was more than welcome. It was okay to be quiet and just get lost in each other’s eyes. It was okay to not be able to say something. It was okay not wanting to ruin the moment with words.  
  
Sometimes silence was perfect and beautiful.  
  
Carmilla’s breath tickled Laura’s neck, because her hair was affected by the slight blow of air. _Hola proximity!_ The blonde looked down to their intertwined fingers. She smiled and that was a reason for the dark haired woman to open up her mouth again.  
  
„You are beautiful.“, Carmilla said, reaching forwards, and placing her hand around Laura’s neck, urging her to look at her. When their eyes finally locked on one another again, she repeated it, „ _Beautiful_ , you hear that?“  
  
„You still think that? Even after what I told you in the letter?“, the student asked, her eyes flickering to Carmilla’s lips (just because of their closeness, of course).  
  
„Are you crazy? Of course, I still do and I promised you, I’d remind you, didn’t I? I’m sorry that I wasn’t around the last few days to do so.“  
  
Laura immediately shook her head, „Don’t be, _I am sorry_ for being a jerk and just generally _me_ , I promise I’m trying to better myself.“  
  
„We are both sorry…“, the brunette chuckled, „... So, I see you and the mad scientist have made up?“  
  
„Yeah… We did. They were kind of pushing me to write you that letter, you know?“  
  
Carmilla was biting her lip again. She mentally thanked that gingerhead. How she wanted to hug everyone. (Of course she would _never_ , because, duh, ew... People.)  
  
  
„Carm… I got really scared… When I saw that picture of you and Ell, I immediately thought of the one with you two kissing and I got scared. I got scared that you just wanted to…“, Laura shook her head, probably to stop herself, „I thought you weren’t being real with me. I thought that you realized that I wasn’t what you wanted all along.“  
  
„ _Why would you ever think that?_ Have I ever done anything to make you believe that?“, they were back at staring into each other’s eyes. Intense staring again. The dark haired woman’s hand, which was placed around Laura’s neck was suddenly tugging at the girl’s wrist.  
  
„ **No**.“, the blonde shook her head, „You were nothing, but perfect and maybe that’s what got into me so much. I came to realize that I… That I had feelings for you.“  
  
„Gee, I thought we got that covered on your birthday?“, Carmilla smirked a little, but it faded, when Laura didn’t reciprocate it.  
  
„I mean _deeper_ feelings.“  
  
_I fell in love with you._  
  
  
„Deeper feelings?“, the dark haired woman asked hopefully, but she didn’t get an answer to that.  
  
„I felt betrayed, because I thought you’d only played me. I got really mad at myself too, for letting it happen to me, when I swore to myself that I would never…“, Laura looked away and eyed their hands again, she squeezed the hand that was in hers. _Why was it so hard to say it?_  
  
„Laura, I want you to know that I would never - _never, ever_ \- cheat on you an-“  
  
„Don’t. I don’t want to focus on that right now. I know I was wrong in thinking that. You don’t have to tell me tha-“  
  
„No, I need you to _know_ that. I met Ell, _yes,_ and we talked and we may even have had a moment, where I felt sorry for her, but _nothing happened_ … And that picture you saw, the one that is displayed for everyone on campus to see, that is the worst portrayal of the meeting there could be. _I need you to trust me_.“  
  
„That’s the point, Carmilla. _I do trust you_. I do trust you wholeheartedly. I lay my heart into your hands a long time ago, probably even when I didn’t even know that I had _these_ feelings for you.“  
  
Carmilla didn’t know what to do with that information. They shared a moment of silence again, until Laura began to look into her professor’s eyes again.  
  
  
„Do you remember, what I told you on the dance?“, the student asked.  
  
„I remember your words at the dance, but I don’t know what you are referring to exactly now.“, so the blonde helped her out.  
  
„When we danced, shortly before we kissed for the first time, I said, I didn’t like the idea of anyone else being able to do anything I couldn’t do with you.“  
  
„Yeah.“  
  
„I think that was around the time I felt _it_ , without knowing, what it was, if that makes any sense to you?“  
  
„What, Laura? Felt _what_?“, Carmilla told herself the whole time that it was not the three words, the professor had on her own lips the whole time. Laura must be talking about something else.  
  
„That you have my heart fully. That you are all I can think of. You were something special, I knew that from the moment I saw you, even though I didn’t like you in the first few minutes of our first meeting.“  
  
„Only the first few minutes? After that you fell for me?“, Carmilla chuckled jokingly.  
  
„Yeah all of the negative feelings vanished once we were at the party, I don’t know maybe it was my journalist self that got so fascinated with you or the fact that I was a little buzzed out on that evening.“ Carmilla remembered. The student hadn’t been sober at any moment of their first meeting.  
  
Laura was smiling at her now and there was something indecipherable in her eyes. Not that there was a guard, but there was something the brunette couldn’t put a finger on.  
  
  
„Never did anyone do so much to me.“, the journalism student trailed off, „When we are together, you make me be this whole other person and I don’t want to become the old Laura again. She was uncaring and cold. I was so _cold_ and…“, Laura finally let go of Carmilla to pick up one of the brunette’s hands and placed it on her heart, „Can you feel it?“  
  
The teacher shut out everything, even closed her eyes to block out any distraction. There was a faint hammering underneath her palms. She pressed her own hand further into Laura’s body, as if she was trying to touch the heart that was so clearly beating out of it’s regular tact. No one needed to be in medschool to know that _that_ wasn’t a casually beating heart.  
  
„You make that happen Carmilla. You make it act so out of its nature. You and nobody else.“  
  
Carmilla was well aware of the cliché that this scenario, she was having with her student, was. She’d seen it on countless movies, but this was so different. This was Laura trying to tell her something in her own twisted words and actions. _Carmilla knew_. Even though she still told herself that it wasn’t what she thought it was, even though the blonde hadn’t said anything out loud. This was as close as she could get. This was her declaration of love to her. Or something similar enough. And she took it. It was more than she needed. It was more than she came for. Expectations exceeded.  
  
The brunette opened her eyes, to be met by warm gentle ones. They were cautious.  
  
Right in that moment the professor saw _her_ again. With the same eyes she saw Laura on the night they had slept together for the first time. Carmilla didn’t see through her, she saw her. Not only for the pretty face she was, with all of her heart she saw the whole package. The dark haired woman took in a sharp breath, as if to compose herself. She was overwhelmed by the beauty again. Laura was so utterly beautiful and pretty and perfect and charming and all of those adjectives. It was so disgusting.  
  
_And she was so head over heels for her._  
  
  
„ **I love you**.“  
  
  
It was Carmilla, who said it out loud. Totally unexpected, but yet so determined. She had never felt it so much, as in that moment. She didn’t need to hear a sappy ‚I love you too‘. Carmilla solely said it out to let Laura know. It was said in the simplest way possible. Even though Carmilla should be the one, with the extensive vocabulary and the degrees that proved her capability to paint the things like a piece of art, string the words together like the perfect haiku. However the professor chose the direct path. She chose to say it in the most common way. _Those three words._  
  
When Laura’s grip around Carmilla’s hand loosened and the brunette caught on to the fact that they were simply staring at each other, there was a brief moment, in which she thought, she was mistaken to let her heart speak, but then Laura smiled. It was the most beautiful smile and she was about to say something, but the professor wouldn’t have it, so instead she placed two hands on the student’s hips, urging her to come closer and getting her by surprise to do so.  
  
„Don’t say anything else or anything in response to what I said, please.“, Carmilla was very close to the amateur journalist. She felt her breath on her cheeks.  
  
„But I…“, Laura dared to lock eyes with her teacher once again.  
  
„ **Don’t.** “, the brunette interrupted again, almost strictly, „Don’t ruin the moment with one of your useless rambles.“  
  
„Okay first of all I should totally be offended by-“, Laura couldn’t continue the words, because Carmilla effectively cut her off by pressing her lips onto hers. ( _God, finally!_ ) Laura jerked back a little, but kissed back nonetheless.  
  
„I am so deeply in love with you, and you didn’t even know.“, Carmilla whispered the words against Laura’s lips, for the short period of time they weren’t kissing, but continued the lip-lock shortly after.  
  
The blonde’s hands found their place on Carmilla’s neck and urged her to lean in closer, it was as if she couldn’t get close enough, she needed to feel her against her. She needed that to remind herself that she hadn’t totally screwed this up. She needed this, to know that she was good enough. After all, they hadn’t done this for a long time. Carmilla was with her now, she was kissing her and oh my god! _She just told her that she loved her!_ **What?!** Laura was just fully realizing it during their kiss, when the brunette ran her tongue over her lower lip to ask for permission.  
  
Permission granted. The kiss became something else soon, as the couple was slowly moving. They didn’t know where to, until Laura felt the cold wall, where her window was, behind her. The glass of the window was pretty cool from the weather outside and caused the student to draw in a sharp breath. It didn’t stop the kiss though.  
  
Laura turned them over, pinning Carmilla against the wall beside the window and started to kiss along her neck, her hands roaming around the body that was in front of her. A certain sound gave the blonde satisfaction and motivation to continue. She was soon fiddling with a button on Carmilla’s shirt, when the professor took her hands into hers and Laura immediately shot back up, casting the teacher a questioning glare.  
  
Carmilla kissed Laura’s palms and shook her head.  
  
„ _That’s_ not why I came… I mean, as much as I would love to continue _this_ …“, the brunette started and then kissed Laura’s cheeks and her nose, „I parked my car right in front of your dorm and if we do _this_ now, I’m sure I don’t want to leave in the middle of the night… Which I would have to do in order to not get noticed in the morning…“  
  
Laura threw her head back and groaned. That amused the professor. Very much so, actually. She then fell back into the arms of Carmilla, her lips settling on her neck again, but not to do anything there.  
  
„Why didn’t you think, when you came here… You could have parked it somewhere else…“, she mumbled against soft skin. It made Carmilla shiver.  
  
„Because I wanted to be here as soon as I could, I didn’t really think Laura… You tend to do that to me sometimes, you know?“  
  
Laura was moving her head away, to be able to face Carmilla again and pouted. The brunette bit her lip and came up with something to help out the situation.  
  
  
„Come with me.“, the dark haired woman suddenly suggested.  
  
„What?“  
  
„Come to my apartment with me.“  
  
„Are you asking me to go with you to your place, so that we can have sex?“  
  
Carmilla frowned and shook her head, „No, absolutely not. This is not about sex, Laura. We don’t have to do anything at all. I would just like to spend the night with you. I would like to fall asleep with you and wake up next to you tomorrow. I would like to make you breakfast in the morning and I would like you to talk about useless things to me, while we eat, and I would like to whisper sweet nothings into your ear while you watch one of your crappy television shows. I simply enjoy your company. Without us having to do anything.“  
  
  
Those words tugged at the student’s heart, „ _Carm_ …“, Laura sighed and closed her eyes.  
  
_How the hell had she not seen this before? How had she been so blind to all of this?_  
  
„What?“, there was a light chuckle to follow afterwards, because Carmilla saw, how much the words had affected the blonde.  
  
„You are just entirely too sweet.“, Laura said, with pure adoration.  
  
„No, _you_ are the sweet one.“, there came the sugary reply.  
  
Ugh, when had they become so… _What was the word?_  
  
  
„I swear to god, this is too much sweet-talk for one day…“, both chuckled and Laura added something, „I’ll come with you… We haven’t really spent time together for about a week.“  
  
„ _Nine days_.“, the brunette corrected her lover and Laura counted in her head and found that Carmilla had been right.

„Let me change into something… _More warm_ … And then we’re good to go.“, the blonde let go of the other woman, when making her way to her closet.  
  
Carmilla sat down on the edge of the bed, while closing off the laptop that was still playing a movie and recollected the loose sheets of paper that made out Laura’s letter. Her gaze then wandered to the blonde’s back. She was rummaging in her closet, before pulling out Carmilla’s hoodie and putting it on. The brunette smiled, as Laura turned around and made her way to her to stop right in front of her.  
  
  
„Mine.“, the teacher said, and reached forwards to tug on the hoodie.  
  
„No, you gave it to me, remember?“, Laura smiled down. Carmilla shook her head.  
  
„I don’t mean that thing. _I meant you_. _You are mine._ “  
  
…  
  
Of course they hadn’t been just talking and enjoying the plain company of the other. Somehow Laura had convinced the brunette that the bedroom _was a much better place_ to _talk about things_ and one thing led to the other and then both somehow ended up lying naked in Carmilla’s bed and looking up at the ceiling in silence.  
  
  
Laura was the first one to break the pleasant quietness.  
  
„Carm?“, a hum in response and the blonde knew that she had her lover’s attention, „Can I ask you something?“  
  
„Sure.“, Carmilla settled on her side, as she propped up her elbow and looked down to the girl she loved.  
  
„What you said earlier… _When did you know_?“  
  
Carmilla took a second to remember, what the student was referring to, then smiled, when getting, what she was hinting at.  
  
„I’ve known for a while, I guess, but I knew for sure three weeks ago. Funny actually, it’s _exactly_ 3 weeks now.“  
  
The blonde frowned a little, thinking back in time. Her lover helped her out.  
  
„It was a similar situation like it is now, actually. Except, I had never experienced _this_ with you before.“, the brunette’s left hand trailed over Laura’s bare stomach.  
  
„You mean, _when we_ …?“, the blonde stopped the roaming hand with hers and intertwined their fingers.  
  
Carmilla nodded, a gentle smile decorating her lips.  
  
„Why didn’t you say something back then?“, Laura was genuinely curious.  
  
„Would you have appreciated it then, like you are now?“, the blonde didn’t understand, so Carmilla explained, „I didn’t think you were ready to hear those words. I remember everything you ever said to me, Laura… I knew, you had trouble with _this_ … And my fear was doubled, when you told me that you never have said it to anyone else, so I decided to wait.“  
  
„I have heard other people say it to me though.“  
  
„I’m sure you have, and probably that somehow drove you away from those other people?“  
  
Carmilla was right, Laura knew that. She shifted a little and sat up. Not caring that she was completely naked. She was feeling comfortable with that for the first time, and it was not only the fact that Carmilla’s father wasn’t ‚watching‘ them anymore, but the fact that she had shared more intimacy with the brunette than nudity. She had poured her soul into her. Laura had given Carmilla almost everything of her. Except for one thing. _Those three words._  
  
  
„My dad says I’m much better now… You know with my condition and all.“, Laura started to continue their conversation from before. She had so much more to tell her lover than what she had already said. They hadn’t talked about her depression yet. Carmilla wasn’t sure if she should ask the student about it, but now that Laura herself was starting it, she was feeling relieved. The dark haired woman rose up too, into a sitting position, facing the blonde.  
  
„He also said… Well not directly, but he hinted me that he thinks it’s because of you.“  
  
Carmilla simply nodded.  
  
„I think, he is right.“, Laura reached forwards to take one of Carmilla’s hands in hers, „ _I am much better since I’ve been with you._ “  
  
„I’m glad to hear that, sweetheart.“, the teacher gave her a short smile. 

  
„Carm?“, Laura’s heart was beating faster again, so she placed the hand, which she was holding already, on her bare chest. Carmilla could feel it better now that there wasn’t any clothing between her palm and the chest anymore „You feel that?“ The brunette nodded again, smiling slightly.  
  
„Do you know what it means?“ _It means it’s solely beating for you so fast._  
  
„That you should get it checked out, if that doesn’t stop.“, the dark haired woman joked.  
  
„Ugh, you know, how to ruin moments, don’t you?“, Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
„Okay, I’ll try again: It means, you are _totally into me_ and get all excited when you get to see me naked.“, Carmilla wiggled with her eyebrows.  
  
„You are an ass!“  
  
„Why am I an ass?“  
  
„You know exactly, what I am trying to tell you!“  
  
„I may be smart, but I cannot read any minds yet, sweetheart.“  
  
Laura got frustrated. _Why was it so hard?_ She sighed and shook her head.

  
„Sweetheart, don’t beat yourself up so much. I don’t need anything else from you. You already gave me everything I could ever dream of with that letter you wrote me. Come here...“, the brunette motioned towards herself and the girl obliged, turning around and getting settled in-between her legs, with her back pressed into Carmilla’s front.  
  
„You are perfect, you know that?“, Laura said and the teacher kissed the top of her head, placing her hands on Laura’s bare stomach. That view she was having wasn’t so bad.  
  
„And you are beautiful.“, the brunette kissed the student’s cheek and looked down to her collarbone. There was a little freckle that she hadn’t noticed until then. New things to remember.  
  
„Are you staring at my boobs?“, Laura asked, while playing with her bracelet. Carmilla’s left hand moved to that of her lover too and played along.  
  
„No, I’ve seen enough of them for tonight.“, for that she got smacked on her thigh.  
  
Carmilla chuckled, „I wish you’d stop to pretend that _I_ was the one objectifying you, when clearly _you_ are doing that to yourself and _you_ are also the one that always initiates the _bedroom-activities._ “  
  
„Bedroom-activities?“, Laura turned her head in her lover’s embrace to be able to face her, „If I recall, you having it off with me in your childhood bedroom was all _your idea_.“  
  
„Yeah right, of course _only you_ would call out on me for that _one time I decided to do something fun_ … You got your money’s worth didn’t you?“, Carmilla was throwing her girlfriend a dirty smug grin. Laura blushed a bit, thinking back to that day.  
  
„ _You love me though!_ “, the blonde exclaimed with her own smug grin.  
  
Immediately Carmilla’s expression softened and she smiled, „That I do indeed, sweetheart.“  
  
Laura turned around and got on her knees, being a little taller than Carmilla in that moment and threw her hands around the brunette’s neck, looking directly into her soul. Carmilla’s hands found their place on her ribcage and she shivered from that touch. Laura’s eyes were boring through the deep vastness, she got lost in the never ending brown sea that was the professor and then she saw the anchor, she saw the shore, she saw the sun, she saw everything at once.  
  
  
„ _And I love you_.“, Laura suddenly whispered into the semi-dark bedroom.  
  
„ **What?** “, Carmilla’s voice got hoarse, not believing what she had heard.  
  
„I said, **I love you**.“, the blonde added a bit more volume to her own voice. _There she said it._  
  
„Laura, you don’t have to say that, just because I-“  
  
The student shook her head and rolled her eyes, before interrupting her lover with whatever bullshit she was going on about, because it wasn’t true. She didn’t say it as a means of repay or whatever Carmilla thought it was.  
  
„Don’t ruin the moment with one of your useless rambles.“, Laura mocked her teacher’s words from earlier. Carmilla was still looking at her, as if she’d seen a ghost.  
  
„You really mean it?“  
  
Laura rolled her eyes again, in the playful way, „Of course I mean it, Carmilla. If anything, my ,I love you’s should count the most, because I don’t hand them out so easily.“  
  
„ _That’s_ … I… _Wow_.“, it was entirely too cute how flabbergasted the brunette was. The teacher reached forwards, cradling Laura’s head and pressing her lips firmly to her mouth.

  
„So we are officially together again, right?“, Laura tentatively asked, when Carmilla pulled back.  
  
„For me we were never broken up actually…“, the professor responded.  
  
„Okay good, for me neither, but I wanted to be on the safe side with this one...“, the blonde was back to their former position again and then suddenly she felt something else, „You know... _I’m kinda feeling hungry now_.“, Both fell into a fit of laughter.  
  
„Now say again that _I’m the one_ , who ruins the mood!“  
  
…  
  
When Carmilla woke up the next day, she immediately felt cold. Something -or let’s say someone- was missing beside her.  
  
„Laura, come back to bed, _wherever_ you are!“, the brunette said loudly.  
  
„Why are you awake?!“, the response came more muffled than she had anticipated. Laura couldn’t be in her bathroom. _Where was that Hollis girl?_  
  
„ _Where are you?_ “  
  
„In the kitchen! Don’t get-“, but of course the professor was on her feet and already by the doorway to her bedroom, „… **Up** … You’re supposed to stay in bed and I was gonna bring you breakfast to bed.“, Laura was holding a spatula, wearing the Columbia hoodie.  
  
„Uh, no. This is _ my house_, _you_ get the breakfast in bed.“  
  
„Well since we can’t do that at my place, you have to let me do this for you here. _Shoo, go away!_ If you recall, I cannot focus on cooking with you around… Especially not, when you are not wearing anything.“  
  
Carmilla was looking down at herself. _Oh right_ , that’s why she was a little cold.  
  
„Fine, but if you aren’t here in 10 minutes, I’ll come and get you.“  
  
„Go to bed!“  
  
„Nag nag nag…“, the dark haired woman rolled her eyes on her way to her bed. She put on a t-shirt before slipping into the warm blanket.  
  
  
  
Laura was there shortly after, with a tray (the one from Carmilla’s oven, because she hadn’t found anything else) full of food. She had made scrambled eggs with toast and fresh coffee. To top that off, there was a bowl full of fresh fruits and orange juice.  
  
  
„I didn’t know you have a partiality for fruits.“, Laura remarked, when settling into the bed beside the brunette.  
  
„Not everyone’s diet consists of cookies and soft drinks, sweetheart. I’m 24, my body doesn’t process food like yours anymore. I need to eat healthy once in a while.“  
  
„It’s so hot, when you point out that you are _sooo much older than me!_ “, Laura smiled with her tongue in-between her teeth and was hit by a grape.  
  
„Stop being cocky, Ms. Hollis.“  
  
„Oh _Ms. Karnstein_ , are you going to punish me for that?“, the blonde suggestively spoke and laughed at her own sentence.  
  
„Stop it, seriously. _This is getting too kinky_.“  
  
„Nagh, _bog-standard_ , I knew it!“, Laura shook her head. Carmilla frowned at her.  
  
  
„You know, when I saw you for the first time, I thought you were _innocent_.“, the teacher started after taking a bite off her toast.  
  
„What do you mean by innocent? Did you think that I was someone, who could qualify as _virgin sacrifice_?“  
  
„No, of course not _that_ bad.“, the brunette laughed, „But I still didn’t think you’d be so…“, Carmilla searched for the right word, „ _Dirty-minded_.“  
  
Laura laughed loudly at that, „You think this is me being dirty? Gosh, Carm, you have no idea…“  
  
_What the hell?_ The brunette decided not to inquire any further.  
  
  
„As much as I’d like to talk about you and your kinks, do you know what date it is?“  
  
„January 9, why?“  
  
Carmilla looked at Laura in expectance, she was good with facts, right? Apparently only, when it came to the brunette, because she shrugged in ignorance.  
  
„Today’s Ell’s wedding.“, Carmilla stated out, well aware that this wasn’t such a good topic to talk about.  
  
„ _Oh_ … Right…“  
  
„I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.“, the dark haired woman apologized.  
  
„No, don’t worry about that, I’m all Laura Hollis 2.0 right now... But what were you implying?“, Laura was eating a grape, which Carmilla noticed with satisfaction. That Hollis girl needed some vitamins.  
  
„Nothing. Just the fact that all this time has passed and I still haven’t figured anything out.“  
  
„Oh right, I wanted to ask you, if you have made any progress.“  
  
„None. My mother kind of payed for my stay in Switzerland, so I couldn’t really go there and blow everything up... I already did get mad at her for the newspaper article, plus I still have no good story to tell her, if she were to ask me, how I know of the transfers.“  
  
„True... And Ell didn’t mention anything, when you guys met? I mean has she said anything beside the ,I didn’t sell our story to the press!’“  
  
„Nope... Except her wanting me to come to her wedding, there was nothing.“  
  
Laura frowned, „Why would _you_ want to attend _her_ wedding?“, at that Carmilla laughed.  
  
„I said the exact thing to her… But she was kind of _nice_ , you know? It was almost creepy.“  
  
„You know what they say, don’t you?“, Laura was sipping on her coffee, when the dark haired woman shot her a confused look, before digging in on her scrambled eggs, „Fear the Greek, bearing gifts... Funny... _Ell’s really Grecian_ , didn’t even think of it, when I said that.“  
  
Carmilla looked up from her food and smiled in a very strange way. „Did you just quote Virgil?“, the professor was truly impressed.  
  
„I thought it was fitting.“, Laura shrugged.  
  
„And witty… Would you look at that, you impressing me with literary quotes on a Saturday! Ha!“  
  
„Yeah well, I have a pretty good teacher.“  
  
  
  
The brunette and her girlfriend spent the rest of the morning planning on how to confront Carmilla’s mother about the bank transfers. Laura also told her teacher that she had asked her father for help, which the woman didn’t take so well, saying she shouldn’t have brought her dad into this, but then Laura assured her that he would never spill anything -for he didn’t know anything about their relationship and who he was looking into anyways. Carmilla made her promise not to interfere again, as this was a delicate matter, Laura only gave in with much protest.  
  
  
  
At sometime around noon the blonde made her way home again. She had a paper to write and as much as she would have liked to stay, the student had to concentrate on her academics. She didn’t want to flunk out of college after all.  
  
When she almost was at the entrance of the KFH, a voice stopped her. It startled her, because she knew the voice too well. What the hell was happening.  
  
  
„Ms. Hollis, I was just coming to see _you_!“, the cold greeting got to her.  
  
„Mrs. Karnstein.“, the blonde turned around to see her girlfriend’s mother looking down at her. She was eying her suspiciously, but Laura figured that it was because of the fact that she actually pronounced her name correctly, unlike other English-speaking students.  
  
„Were you enjoying a walk in this _wonderful_ weather?“, the older woman eyed her attire suspiciously.  
  
Carmilla’s mother was being sarcastic, and quite frankly Laura understood her to some extent, because she was only wearing a hoodie. Carmilla had driven her to her apartment the previous night and dropped her off nearby, so a jacket was not needed, but like this, it seemed too cold to be out in only a hoodie.  
  
„I was actually thinking about taking a walk, but seeing how cold it is, I decided against it. May I ask, _why_ you were looking for me?“  
  
„Yes, why, of course! I understand, you were the one to write the article about Ms. Karnstein? _The younger one_ , I mean.“  
  
Laura took a moment to understand, what she was referring to, then answered immediately, „ _Oh, no, I didn’t._ “  
  
„You didn’t?“  
  
„No, actually I was against it, because… Well because I thought it was none of anyone’s business, what Ms. Karnstein does in her private life. And I don’t like to spread rumors.“  
  
„May I ask, what _rumors_ you are referring to?“, Renata wanted to know from the student, eyeing her meticulously. There was something in the way she was looking at her.  
  
„Well, the rumors of her being with that woman on the pictures, of course. As a journalist I like to concentrate on true and actual facts.“  
  
„Why would you say that they aren’t true?“  
  
„I… I don’t know, I just…“, then Laura remembered something. Maybe she could help out Carmilla after all, „I saw that woman at your office some time ago, if you recall and I might have talked to her afterwards, when we ran into each other… She didn’t let anything on in that direction, actually.“  
  
„Well, Ms. Hollis…“, the brunette chuckled, it sent shivers down Laura’s spine, she was so different from her girlfriend, „I wouldn’t tell everyone I meet on the streets either, who I am having romantic relationships with.“  
  
„Yeah, but she was talking badly about your daughter. I don’t think anyone talks about their girlfriend like that… Anyways, I don’t think you came to talk to me about this?“  
  
„You are right. My agenda was it to thank you for putting the university in such a good light, but seeing you weren’t the one to write the article…“  
  
„Yeah, you can thank Ed, if you want to. He did all the work. My name under the article is just for obscuration-purposes.“  
  
„Very well, I will do that. You have a pleasant weekend, Ms. Hollis. Don’t be out in such light clothing, or you might catch a cold and that wouldn’t be good for your academics, now would it?“  
  
„Thank you, you too. I mean, have a good weekend, not the clothes-part, you seem to have that covered, literally, hehe… Uhm…“ _Shut the hell up, Hollis._  
  
_Why was she such an idiot under the dean’s stare?_  
  
  
  
**Laura:** _Your mother ran into me on my way home._  
**Laura:** _She thinks I’m a lunatic. AGAIN._  
**Laura:** _Why would she be in on a Saturday anyways?_  
  
Carmilla frowned, typing in an eager reply.  
  
**Carm:** _She’s the dean, I wouldn’t question that._  
**Carm:** _For all I know, she is an evil witch that can do magic._  
**Carm:** _What did she want?_  
**Laura:** _She just asked about the article about you._  
**Laura:** _My name’s still under it. She wanted to thank me for the good publicity for the school._  
  
That made sense. Somehow.  
  
**Carm:** _Well, whatever. Don’t get too worked up._  
**Carm:** _Sweetheart now go and write your paper._  
**Carm:** _You can rock this,_ _I believe in you._  
**Laura:** _Thanks Carm._  
**Laura:** _Maybe we’ll talk later?_  
**Carm:** _Yeah, you do your work first._  
**Laura:** _I love you._  
  
Carmilla’s heart skipped a beat at that.  
  
**Carm:** :) _I love you too._  
  
The professor was staring at her phone for a while, well aware that she wasn’t going to get a reply, but she liked to read the message over and over again. _I love you._ Her doorbell brought her out of it though. Without thinking or asking, she buzzed the person in, unlocking her door and stepping outside. Her phone was still in her hand and she was still smiling like a goof at it. However there was someone at her apartment and she realized she had let them in.  
  
_Weird, who could that be?_  
  
When she recognized who it was, she threw the person a bewildered look. It was her mother. See? _Evil witch._ Laura had talked about her and now she was there.

  
„What are _you_ doing here?“  
  
„May I come in?“, Renata asked.  
  
„Uh, of course, come in.“, the professor motioned towards her living room and after Renata had stepped in, she closed the door behind them.  
  
Her mother never had been in the apartment. She let her gaze wander through the big room that she was standing in now. Carmilla was glad that her living room was in a decent state. The older woman also let her eyes wander to the open bedroom door, taking in the sight.  
  
Carmilla followed her gaze, the bed was in a disheveled state, some of the brunette’s own clothes from the night before still on the floor. Renata’s jaw locked. She sighed.

  
„Carmilla, what am I going to do with you?“, the older brunette sat down on the couch.  
  
„What are you talking about?“, the daughter was confused.  
  
Renata took something out from her coat pocket and threw it onto the coffee table. It was a button. Carmilla picked it up and turned it a few times in her hand, when suddenly it hit her. It was a button from Laura’s shirt that she had ruined in her childhood bedroom. Her eyes grew wide.  
  
_Shit. Shit. Shit._  
  
„For how long have you been sleeping with your student Laura Hollis?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need to make death threats? Here you can feel free to do that: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	25. Too Good To Be True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renata knows about them, everything comes to surface at last.  
> Carmilla confronts a certain blonde with something.  
> Maybe sometimes it's too good to be true.

„For how long have you been sleeping with your student Laura Hollis?“  
  
Carmilla inhaled deeply.  
  
She knows. _She knows._ She knows. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._  
  
„I don’t know, what you are talking about.“  
  
„Darling, do you really think that I do not have surveillance cameras installed in my house? Especially, when my entire staff is gone every winter. You don’t think I would leave a house like that unattended and without any security measures, do you?“

  
The brunette closed her eyes, how could she have been so daft.  
  
„Do you have cameras in my bedroom?“  
  
Renata smiled, it was evil, and then pursed her lips. „I had them set up in the entire house _a long time ago_ , darling. For _security purposes_ , of course.“  
  
Carmilla could smack herself. She really wanted to be able to vanish. Or something. It’s one thing that her mother knew about the affair (or whatever, because _that_ word had a too negative connotation to it), but something completely different, when your homophobic mother has a sex tape of you- with a girl (who by the way is your student). The younger Karnstein drove a hand through her hair and shook her head.  
  
„It’s nothing, I swear. _It’s only sex_. Just a silly _affair_!“, that was the only thing she could come up with, even if that was probably the biggest lie she told.  
  
„Is it now?“, Renata stood up and approached her daughter, „Carmilla, you took her to _my house_. You have her over in _your apartment_ … Do you really expect me to believe that this is just a silly affair?“  
  
„It is a silly affair, Laura, she…“, Carmilla had a hard time acting like she didn’t care about Laura, „ _She means nothing_ , absolutely nothing…“, the dark haired woman could have hit herself for what she said, it all had been such a lie. As if on cue, her mother looked through the open bedroom door and nodded, lost in her thoughts.  
  
„I don’t know, what to say. I am speechless. I thought, I taught you better than that. I mean, if you need to be with women, fine so be it. I have come to accept that my only daughter is _different_ , but this? Carmilla, do you know how much of a scandal this would be, if that came out?“  
  
„I’ll end it. I’ll end it right now… I’ll do it right in front of you! I’ll text her now!“, Carmilla was panicking and she saw that as the only way to protect the girl she loved.  
  
„That won’t be necessary, dear. I will take that into my hand.“  
  
Carmilla flinched, when she said that. Something changed. This was her chance.  
  
  
„Like you did with Ell?“  
  
„Excuse me?“  
  
„Mother, I found the bank documents in your office. I know about the money transfers.“  
  
„You went through my personal belongings? Haven’t I told you as a child that you must not go into the study!?!“, Mrs. Karnstein’s voice got uneven and loud. She was afraid. There was possibly something very delicate lying around on that desk of hers or she just didn’t like the fact that her daughter found these particular documents. Apparently there weren’t any cameras in her own bedroom or the study or she would have known about them two snooping around or she hadn’t looked through those tapes. However, the lack of surveilance cameras there would be justified, she wouldn’t wanna have proof of her own illegal doings.

  
„I stumbled upon some documents on your desk, I never intended to…“, Carmilla didn’t even know, why she tried to defend herself anymore. She clearly did nothing wrong. Not in that matter anyway.  
  
Renata seemed to tense up, but delivered her explanation nonetheless. „I did, what I thought was necessary.“  
  
„Necessary? Was it necessary to watch me suffer? Was it necessary that you paid off the only girl that I loved so that she had to leave the country?“, Carmilla hissed.  
  
„Darling, you got the facts wrong.“, the brunette sighed and sat back down on the couch again. Carmilla watched her from her standing position. She was still clutching the tiny button in her left hand. She needed something to hold on to.  
  
„What do you mean, I got the facts wrong?“  
  
„I did not pay her off to leave, Ms. Kostapoulos has been receiving money from me since her 15th birthday.“  
  
„What? That doesn’t-“, the young teacher shook her head. _Why the hell with 15?_ Her mother explained.  
  
„You don’t really think that she wanted to be your friend deliberately, do you? Darling, she was there for the luxury we could provide her with, the wealth. I saw that you needed a companion, of course every girl needs a friend, I was your mother and I was selected as the new dean at Silas back then, so I was occupied with work… When you brought Ellena home for the first time, I could only imagine, what she saw in you… Some years later I asked her, if she was interested in keeping you happy for a little reward. And she agreed. You became best friends and I couldn’t be happier for my princess. Except then you foolish girl fell in love with her. You left that nice boy for _her._ I don’t know why she played along with that, I told her that she didn’t need to do that, she didn’t need to ruin herself, but she did it nonetheless. I couldn’t stop you two and you can imagine the rest of the story, can’t you? When the time came for her to go off to college, she made a deal with me, saying she would stay away from you, if I transfer her 5000 Euros each month. It seemed like a little price to pay for you to become sane again.“  
  
Carmilla was speechless. Ellena really was the bitch that she remembered her to be, but not only that, she had been lying to her face the whole time. She had been pretending to love her. Her whole teenager-years had been a complete lie. _Her first love was a complete lie_. And her mother- She didn’t even want to start there.  
  
  
„Why did you meet her then?“  
  
„What are you talking about?“  
  
„About a little more than one month ago, Ell was in your office. I know about it.“, Carmilla’s mind was obscured by anger and her mother could know now that she knew it from Laura. It wouldn’t change anything now. Still, Renata’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
  
„She came to ask for more money and when I said no, she threatened me. She said that she would tell you all of this, if I didn’t do as she asked me to.“  
  
„And?“, Carmilla wanted to know with one risen eyebrow. Renata had a challenging look on her face.  
  
„What do you think dear? That woman may be good-looking, but her plans were not so well structured. She never would have told you. That woman is a coward and has no decency. Clearly that seems to be your type, hmn? Blonde and-“  
  
„Don’t you dare compare Laura to that lying whore.“, whoa, Carmilla never had called her ex that. She was even surprised at herself. Her mother on the other hand not so much. The younger brunette had to be cautious, because that little outburst just proved that there were feelings involved and her mother didn’t need to know that. It meant more material for her to hurt her in the future or Laura, which was worse.  
  
There was a moment, in which both women decided to stay silent.  
  
  
  
„Very well. I should be going now. I wish for you to behave, Carmilla. Take care of the problem that is Ms. Hollis soon. I am expecting you to end it by the end of next week.“, Renata got up and was about to leave.  
  
„What will you do to her? Is there going to be any consequence for her?“, the younger brunette stared at her mother wide-eyed. Panic and desperation were the only things she felt in that moment.  
  
„Oh god, you almost sound like I am some mobster from a 30ies movie. Don’t worry dear, _your beloved Ms. Hollis_ will come out of this unscathed and unharmed. That is, if you both stay away from each other from now on.“  
  
„Don’t you dare interfere with her scholastics.“  
  
„No worries, as I told you, my dear. I won’t do anything, if you two behave. Go and fix your little problem with Ms. Hollis and I will steer clear of you both.“  
  
„Just give me time until Friday. I will end it by then, I promise.“  
  
„Now that’s my _glittering girl_ …“, Carmilla flinched at the pet name, „I expect to see you on Friday for dinner. We haven’t had our January meet up… And by then I hope you can report me that you have indeed done what I asked you to do.“  
  
„I will keep myself away from her, if you promise not to put a dent to her career chances or academics.“  
  
„I shall hope so. I’ll see you on Friday, darling.“, and out she was. Carmilla didn’t even argue about the dinner, she just was relieved that Renata didn’t want to do anything about Laura. She just had to… _Break up with her._  
  
  
  
Carmilla let herself fall down on the couch. How had they been so irresponsible and careless? How could she have thought that there wouldn’t be any type of security measures in the mansion? Her mother was one of the most paranoid people she knew. She was really screwed.  
  
It was not the only revelation that made her sick to the stomach. Ell had been lying to her this whole time. She had made her feel bad for something that she did on her own. Carmilla had spent two years feeling bad for ruining Ell’s chances, for not getting into universities in Austria. Occasionally she still had fleeting moments, where she felt guilty, but not anymore…  
  
The dark haired woman lost everything in one evening. Probably the love of her life and any good memories she could associate with her childhood and her mother and Ell. She had to talk to Laura about this. She had to tell her that they couldn’t be seeing each other anymore. The brunette would deal with that later though, she thought. _One week_. Laura had to write a paper until Monday and Carmilla didn’t want her to be distracted by their break up. (Postponing at its best.)  
  
The professor realized it fully by then. She would have to break up with her. They would have to break it off. The first person after years that she came to trust again, that she confided in, that she loved, was being taken away from her and she couldn’t do anything about it. How had her life become this hell that she couldn’t escape? How was this possible? Why on earth did it have to be so shortly after the best night of her life?  
  
Carmilla eyed the watch on her left wrist. It was a little after 8 in the evening. Ell’s wedding ceremony was probably over. The brunette was sick of pretending and sick of not confronting people. Sick of not taking chances. She had to do this now. Carmilla grabbed her car keys and a coat and made her way to the MYKONOS.  
  
_Hell, she didn’t have anything to lose anymore…_  
  
  
  
Laura was working on her paper that was due on the next Monday, her thoughts flew back to her girlfriend every now and then, but she still was doing great on writing that damn thing. Carmilla was her girlfriend again. They hadn’t officially broken up, but still it felt like they had, in the time they hadn’t talked properly. Laura wanted to forget what had happened, she just was endlessly happy that everything was perfect again. The student wanted to focus on the good.  
  
Someone was knocking on her door. _Oh_. A distraction. Laura wondered, who that could be.  
   
  
„LaF?“, the student eyed her friend, when opening the door.  
  
„You still have my flash drive aaaaand owe me a story.“, they said and wiggled with their eyebrows.  
  
„Come in, weirdo.“, the blonde closed the door behind them, after her guest had stepped in, and immediately went to her computer that she was working on some seconds ago, and got LaF’s USB pen drive for them and handed it over.

  
„And now to my story.“, they looked at their friend in expectance. Laura sat down beside them on the bed (where they had already made themselves at home).  
  
„I don’t even know which parts to tell you and which not, because so much happened.“  
  
„Just leave the sex-part out.“  
  
„ _What?_ We- How did-“, the amateur journalist turned into an amateur tomato.  
  
„Laura there’s a hickey on your neck and I don’t wanna know on which parts of your body there are more, so might as well just tell me, how your make up went. _And make it PG-13 please_.“  
  
„I hate you so much!“, the blonde student groaned and buried her neck further into her hoodie (which she still was wearing, ew...). She would have to ask Carmilla about the mark she had left. Why the hell hadn’t she noticed it earlier?  
  
„On the side note, since when do you go to Columbia?“, LaF was eying that grey piece of clothing on Laura’s body thoroughly.  
  
„It’s Carmilla’s.“, the amateur journalist replied shyly and somewhat proudly. Hello, she was dating a woman with a PhD acquired at Columbia University. It was too sexy to think about, Laura had a hard time not to drool over the mere thought of her hot-smart girlfriend.  
  
„You guys are so in love. How do you even dare call Perry and I gross? You definitely beat us there. We do not exchange clothes.“ They lied, the blonde had seen them exchange sweaters and shirts, but let that one go.  
  
„Shut up!“, Laura glared at her friend for seconds, but couldn’t help but fall into laughter. Both were laughing for a while, until LaFontaine decided to speak again.

  
„I’m happy for you. I hope the professor doesn’t break your heart, or I’ll break her face, so she can’t lure pretty girls into falling in love with her anymore.“  
  
„Don’t turn into my dad, please.“, Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
„Tell me everything now, Hollis.“, LaF urged and the journalism student finally gave in. She told them about the ‚I love you’s and how sweet Carmilla had been the whole time. How perfect everything was between them again.  
  
  
  
„You know LaF? I woke up today, thinking that this can’t be my life. _That all of this is too good to be true_ , but I am here and everything’s perfect. _She’s perfect._ “, LaF only smiled at her and they shared some other stories that were school-related, before the redhead let Laura finish writing her paper.  
  
  
  
At the same time, somewhere in the neighbor-town there was Carmilla, waiting in her car and staring into blank space. The parking lot of the MYKONOS was functioning as a wedding venue. Tents were set up and lights were shining, the glow indicating a merry atmosphere. The one that the brunette was planning on breaking.  
  
Except she couldn’t make herself do it. She wanted to take revenge, but if anything, she knew, she was better than that. So instead of playing the wedding breaker, Carmilla decided on doing it the most adult way possible.  
  
Carmilla got out of her car and made her way to the party. People were dancing on the concrete that was now apparently treated as a dance floor, most were unknown to the dark haired woman. A few had some familiar faces, because it was inevitable for the teacher not to run into them, back when she had been together with Ell.  
  
„Carmilla!“, Aleksandar’s voice was distinct to the other cheering ones. She spotted him immediately and next to him was the newlywed couple. Ellena’s face lit up.  
  
„You came!“, the blonde rushed over to her to hug her, she was obviously a little tipsy. „I’m so glad that you came!“, the woman placed a kiss on the brunette’s neck, probably while aiming for her cheek. _Erm, what the hell?_   Carmilla placed her hands on her ex’s shoulders and gently pushed her away.  
  
Ell’s husband was quick to follow and kissed the dark haired woman on the cheek. Greeks do that- do not question it. She smiled at him- even though it was fake. Ell was suddenly shouting out loudly something into the crowd. Many people were staring at her, she then took Carmilla’s hand and pointed down to her.  
  
  
„Carmilla Karnstein! Beste Freundin im Gymnasium!“, the blonde introduced her as her best friend in high school in German.  
  
The situation got a little out of hand, more so than the brunette had primarily thought. She just wanted to talk to Ell in private, not have her relatives and friends gawking at her.  
  
„Ellena, can I talk to you for a second?“, Carmilla whispered to the bride.  
  
„Sure, sweetheart, just… Did you actually want anything to drink or food? We have food! You always liked Greek food!“, the blonde asked her ex-girlfriend, who declined by shaking her head. Ell excused herself from her husband and the ex lovers soon made their way to the front of the restaurant, where they shared some privacy.  
  
  
  
„I’m glad you decided to come.“, Ell smiled down to the teacher.  
  
„Ell, don’t do this.“  
  
The blonde smiled, closing her eyes, „You called me _Ell_.“, she giggled. Okay, she was a little more drunk, than Carmilla primarily had thought. Whatever, she didn’t need her sober state to do this.  
  
  
„I know about your deal with my mother.“  
  
„What deal?“, the blonde played out the clueless-card.  
  
„I know that she paid you to be my friend. I know that you have been receiving money from her for a long time now… I know everything… I know you’ve been lying to me the whole time…“  
  
„Carm, I-“, Ellena finally started to pick up on the said things.  
  
„No, you don’t get to talk! And don’t call me _Carm_!“, the dark haired woman’s voice picked up volume.  
  
„Shh!“, Ell dragged Carmilla into the restaurant for more privacy (everyone was outside despite the chilly weather), „What did she tell you?“, she whispered.  
  
„That you have been receiving money from her, I saw the bank receipts, I know that it’s true.“  
  
Ell closed her eyes, „Shit. Okay, I know, how that must look now-“  
  
„No, you don’t get to talk… Ellena, do you know, how much that hurt?“  
  
The blonde reached forwards, cradling Carmilla’s head „Carm, it’s not what you think…“  
  
„No?“, the brunette stepped back, getting out of the grip, „You pretended to be my friend, you pretended to love me, for _money_!“, Carmilla looked around the room and started to whisper, „When you kissed me, you pretended. I had my first time with you and you looked me in the eye when you were fucking me and you acted it. _All of it._ You said you loved me, and you never meant it. All of this was a lie. _You were a lie_. 8 years of my life with you were a fucking lie!“  
  
„Carm, no it wasn’t, I swear!“, there was this kind voice again, the teacher shook her head, chuckling darkly.  
  
„You have perfected it. That’s why I didn’t see it! That’s why I trusted you, that’s why I fell for you! You should have gone to theatre school, because you do a hell of a good job in acting!“  
  
„And what if I tell you that she’s been blackmailing my dad? If I tell you she’s been manipulating me the whole time? I never had a fucking choice! You are right about the money, yes! I took money from her, because my family had some trouble back then, she offered to help out and I told her I would pay her back and then we had this weird agreement that I should take care of you. At first she didn’t want my money back, saying I was like family to her… And that I could pay her back by helping you. You know, study with you, be a good influence. I ought to know better, because I was older than you, you’d listen to me, but then I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me and we were perfect together-“  
  
„Don’t lie to me! _All you do is lie!_ “, Carmilla’s voice got louder again.  
  
„I am not lying to you! I am not! I swear to god, I am not lying to you.“, Ell looked at the cross that was hanging in the entrance hall, „See, I am saying it in front of _him_!“  
  
„You swearing to god doesn’t mean a single thing to me! You fucked me in this house!“, the brunette shook her head, „Swearing to god, really? _That’s all you got?_ “, Carmilla gave Ell a once-over, „It’s a fucking irony that your wedding dress is white, isn’t it Ellena? Do you recall, what you told me, when we were younger? You said you wanted to wait with sex for your husband, because you were brought up to be a good Christian... It’s such a fucking irony.“  
  
_Okay maybe that was too forward now…_  
  
„Shut up and listen to me now: I have loved you. And our relationship has never been fake, not to me. And yes, I slept with you in this house, but I never regretted it, because I loved you. If it had all been an act, I would never have done it, don’t you think? You know how important for me my religion is, for my whole family. You are still the only person that I have been intimate with, I haven’t slept with Adam yet and I don’t even know, why I am telling you this right now, and if you’re even willing to believe me, but it is the truth. I don’t know, what your mother told you, but I went to her some weeks ago and asked her to stop sending me the money, but she said it’s her means of making sure I wouldn’t contact you again… She has to snap her fingers once and could make all of it look like I am some kind of fraud… Like _I_ blackmailed _her_ or something. I could lose my job in all of this. I could lose everything… I’m telling the truth, Carm, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you. If I was, I would have told you, I wanted to protect you! I am not even using that money! It is withering away in that stupid bank account!“  
  
„Protect me? You were merely protecting yourself. What about all those times you behaved like a fucking dick, when we were together, huh? How do you explain that? How could you have loved me and then treat me like shit?“ Carmilla also hadn’t forgotten the fact that the blonde had been talking badly about her in front of her current girlfriend -which she couldn’t know about of course. Even though it didn’t matter now anymore, considering the fact that her mother already knew about her affair with Laura. _Her mother knew everything._  
  
„Because I was pulled back and forth. I didn’t know how to make you not love me… I knew, your mother would not be pleased with us together, so I tried to push you away, but you loved me even though I behaved badly, even though I tried my best to be harsh… I guess it was me at the end, I was too weak to follow through and then… Somehow along the line it made me bitter… I was hurting for you, because you were this innocent 16 year old that loved me despite me being a monumental asshole to you… And then your mother interfered with us… She knew all the way long… I don’t know, how she knew, but she knew, even before finding us in your bed. That day was the absolute highlight.“  
  
„She has cameras set up in my bedroom, Ellena. She’s had a camera in my room…“, Carmilla closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. Should she believe her ex or her mother? This story made sense, it all made sense to her. More than the story of her mother. Someone couldn’t be that good at lying, right?  
  
Ell reached forwards again, „Carm please-“  
  
„ _Don’t touch me_ … Even if I believed you -which I am still not sure that I do- I don’t want to see you again. Never ever do I want to see you again, do you understand? You took a piece of me. You took something from me and left me in pieces. I have fought so hard to get it back, and now I do, I have the perfect life I have the perfect… I had the perfect life…“, Carmilla shook her head, „God… _My mother, she_ …“  
  
„Carm…“  
  
„I have to go…“, the brunette was at the door, when she turned around again, „Goodbye Ellena, I wish you and your husband a pleasant life.“  
  
She didn’t leave the blonde any time to respond to that.  
  
  
  
**Carm:** _Laura, I need to see you._  
  
The blonde was reading over her paper for mistakes. She had finished it in two hours (when adding together the time she really worked on it, before LaF came), which caught her by surprise. That meant, she had the Sunday off and could go see her girlfriend, if she wanted to (even though they had agreed on not meeting). It was shortly after 10 pm, so Carmilla’s text was a little strange.  
  
**Laura:** _Hey, can it wait til tomorrow?_  
**Laura:** _Because I miraculously finished my paper today already and could totally come over tomorrow._  
**Carm:** _I need to see you now... Can I come upstairs?_  
**Laura:** _Upstairs?_  
**Laura:** _You here already?_  
**Carm:** _Yeah, I was on a walk and my feet dragged me to you somehow._  
**Carm:** _I can go though, if you are busy._  
**Laura:** _No, no, please come._  
  
There was a knock shortly after.  
  
„Come in!“, Laura called out and saved her assignment on her desktop. She heard the door go open and then shut closed. Carmilla locked it from the inside, which was probably wise -even if they weren’t planning on doing anything. The blonde looked over her shoulder, „ _Hey stranger,_ haven’t seen you in a while… _Come here_ …“  
  
Laura turned around in her revolving chair and held out her hands. Carmilla stepped to the space in front of her and immediately their fingers were intertwined. She noticed that Laura was still wearing her Columbia pullover. _Fuck._ Her mother had probably seen it on her earlier too and of course she must have known that it was hers. _Fuck._  
  
The brunette was awfully quiet for the observant eye of the amateur journalist.  
  
  
„Did something happen?“  
  
The dark haired woman shook her head, to shake off any negative thoughts, „Just wanted to see you.“  
  
„You _walked_ here… You normally walk, when you’re not okay…“  
  
„Or when I wanna come see my beautiful girlfriend.“  
  
„Or _that_ …“, Laura nodded and finally got up to greet her lover with a proper kiss. She smiled against Carmilla’s lips. How could the brunette follow through with her plan now? How is she ever going to leave that girl now?  
  
„Wanna watch a movie and make out? Your girlfriend is a genius, you know? I finished my paper in only two hours. I don’t know how, but I just kept on writing. My fingers were itching to bring the words down to paper...Or you know, the computer screen or something.“, the blonde flung her arms around Carmilla’s neck.  
  
„I know that my girlfriend is a genius, you never believe me, when I say that.“, the dark haired woman smiled gently. _She couldn’t do it._ Carmilla couldn’t break it off, when this felt so good. This felt so incredibly good. And right. It felt so right.  
  
„So? Movie? What movie do you wanna watch? I saved some from LaF’s flash drive onto my computer before…“, Laura got out of the embrace -Carmilla immediately missing the contact- and turned to her Macbook, „… I have…“, the brunette was wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and kissed along her neck, „…Or we could skip the movie and just make out.“, Laura giggled and turned her head.  
  
„No, put on a movie and let it play, I don’t care, which one.“  
  
Laura chuckled, „Alright…“, she clicked on a file and immediately it played, „Done… Did you want to drink anything or eat something? Not that I have that much choice, but I was brought up to be a good host.“  
  
„No, I’m good, just want you.“  
  
„Okay, _ladykiller_ , I am all yours!“, they both made their way to the bed and sat on the edge of it.  
   
Carmilla just sat there for a moment in silence, with her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. Laura appreciated her girlfriend in that black leather. It made her look so badass and not at all like her teacher -although _sometimes that woman in a trouser suit_ … The blonde noticed the quietness between them, she tilted her head and eyed her lover, waiting for her to say something.  
  
  
„I was at Ell’s wedding.“, Carmilla suddenly did as it was expected from her and eyed her girlfriend cautiously. Laura inhaled deeply and turned to look at her fully, she sat up on her bed crossed-legged and awaited for the dark haired woman to continue, „Not like you may think now… I went there, because I needed to make something clear… I found out something terrible and yeah… Got carried away.“  
  
„What did you find out?“  
  
Carmilla mimicked Laura’s position, facing her cross-legged on the bed, „Well, my mother payed me a visit at my apartment…“  
  
„Welcome to the club…“, the blonde noticed her girlfriend’s stiff posture, „But what did you find out, Carm?“  
  
„Turns out, Ell has been receiving money from my mother since she’s been 15. My mother told me that it was Ell’s idea kind of and that they had made a deal, so Ell would pretend to be my friend or whatever and uh, I went to Ell to confront her about it.“  
  
„Okay…? _And?_ What did she say?“  
  
Carmilla shook her head, „She said that my mother blackmailed her. It’s kind of a long story, but it looks like my mother is a bigger bitch than I thought initially. She’s had a hand in this since the beginning.“  
  
„Wait, so Ell said that your mother was the bad guy in all of this? She didn’t have to accept the money!“  
  
„Yeah, but to be honest, Ell’s version made more sense… I don’t know, who to believe, but I could see something in her eyes, she wasn’t lying to me… I think…“  
  
„Since when do you defend _her_?“, Carmilla’s gaze shot up in alarm. The blonde was obviously affected by this.  
  
„I am not, I told her that I don’t ever want to see her again… I just wanted closure and now I got it. You are right, even if her story were to be true, it still was horrible… She could have done things differently.“  
  
„Yeah…“, Laura seemed to think, the brunette scooted closer.  
  
„You know, that I love you, right? I love you, Laura, _I chose to love you_. She doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.“, Carmilla was well aware of the parts she left out. The rest of the conversation with her mother. _She couldn’t do it._ She couldn’t break it off, not like that. The student looked up and smiled.  
  
„Yeah… You did choose to love me… I still don’t get why though, because I am not-“  
  
„I’m gonna stop you right there. Laura, don’t question it, because only I have to know, why I chose you. Only I need to know, why I love you. You just have to accept it for yourself, okay?“  
  
„Okay, yeah…“, Laura nodded, she took ahold of Carmilla’s hand and kissed it, „Are you okay with all of this? I mean it’s not every day that you find out that- _well you know_ …“  
  
The brunette exhaled deeply, „As okay as I can be with finding out something like that… But I got you, don’t I? I am here with you and that’s all that matters.“ This was bad, very, very bad. She just could not bring herself to do it. However what was worse, was the fact that she deepened the feelings she had for her student.  
  
„Yeah, _you got me_ … I’m here for you, if you want to talk or need anything else, yeah?“  
  
„I know… Come cuddle…?“, Carmilla held out her arms to envelop her girlfriend in a hug. Laura complied all too gladly.  
  
  
  
  
„Carm?“, Laura asked in-between kisses. Somehow they had managed to get into a horizontal position on the bed and panting slightly, because of a breathtaking session of heavy smooching.  
  
„Don’t talk, sweetheart…“, the brunette was working on the student’s jeans’ button already.  
  
The blonde took ahold of Carmilla’s hands to prevent anything further than being hugely turned on, and her lover’s gaze fell on her, „Can you stay tonight?“  
  
Carmilla bit her lip. It wouldn’t be a good idea, she knew it wouldn’t, but she also didn’t want to walk all the way to her apartment with Laura just to be on the safe side. Also, home didn’t sound like a safe place anymore, since her mother already knew that she had brought her girlfriend to hers.  
  
„Carm?“, Laura engaged her lover into another set of kisses, before continuing, „I don’t wanna do this, if I can’t fall asleep afterwards with you…“  
  
„And I don’t wanna wait for us to go back to my place.“, the brunette panted out, speaking out her thoughts- well half of them.  
  
„So you’ll stay? Tomorrow’s Sunday anyways, you could just sneak out in the morning…“  
  
„Yeah…“, Carmilla was already unzipping Laura’s pants, „ _I’ll stay the night_.“, who knew, when all of this was going to end? Carmilla needed to shut everything out and just be with her. _She couldn’t tell her that it may be one of the last times, simply couldn’t._ Carmilla hated herself for it, but when Laura kissed her way down to her lower abdomen all of the negative thoughts vanished. The student could do that to her. Only Laura could make her feel that way. She could make her forget.  
  
…  
  
Long after Laura had said goodbye to her girlfriend, she was sitting with her laptop on the bed and touching up her article, doing some last minute changes in some of her paragraphs and sentence constellations. She was fully satisfied with the outcome. She hadn’t felt good about something like that in a long time. Seemed like her relationship with Carmilla brought out her creative side. She was working on her last paragraph, when she heard a knock on her door.  
  
Laura was looking down at herself, she was still only in her underwear. Even if that was probably LaF, she wanted to be at least a little presentable, so she quickly stepped into some pajama pants and stripped on a t-shirt and ran to her door. Who she saw on the other side, made her heart pick up speed.  
  
  
„Mrs. Karnstein! What are- Uh, why- _You are here_ … In my dorm!“  
  
„Yes, I came to discuss a certain matter with you. May I come in?“  
  
„Uhm…“, Laura looked back to her chaotic room, „Yeah… Don’t mind my mess though…“, the brunette walked in while the student was speaking.  
  
„Oh, don’t worry, I am used to it from my daughter.“  
  
Laura couldn’t believe, what she was hearing, because Carmilla was one of the most clean and tidy people she got to know. However she could imagine that Carmilla was a little sluggish with the whole hygiene thing back in her punk rock days, because that would have been totally uncool and uncharacteristic for a smoking hot leather chick. Of course she couldn’t say that out loud.

  
„You don’t say…“, the blonde crossed her arms, „What did you want to talk about?“  
  
Renata Karnstein let her eyes wander through the room. Was this even allowed? Wasn’t it a kind of privacy violation? Laura didn’t think about that further though. The dean of students was standing in her room and by the looks of it, she was judging her a little, because of her mess -which wouldn’t have been there, if her dear daughter hadn’t distracted the poor student. Laura blushed a little by the thought of Carmilla being in her bed, completely naked, just a few hours ago. Of course the amateur journalist also couldn’t say _that_ out loud.

  
„See, Ms. Hollis. I understand that university can be hard. You sometimes struggle with your grades, you sometimes fall behind… There can be a lot of reasons for one to find college challenging.“  
  
Laura didn’t know, where this conversation was headed, but she didn’t like the undertone in her voice.  
  
„Sometimes students tend to _do things_ to make it easier for them…“, Renata was looking at the student directly, „You would know, wouldn’t you?“  
  
„Well of course, you work hard and earn your good grades, no matter how much you have to invest.“  
  
The brunette chuckled and shook her head, „ _Working hard to earn good grades_.“, Renata was looking out the window now, „Is that how you call it?“  
  
„How I call what? I don’t understand.“, Laura really was confused.  
  
Renata sighed, „My daughter has a weakness for pretty blondes. And I simply don’t know, what to do about it.“, the dean was averting her gaze to the student again. The amateur journalist immediately tensed up. Did she know? _Oh god, no_. When Laura remained silent, the woman continued, „She is my daughter after all, and I do love her with all of my heart. I want the best for her, but I can’t help her, if she always makes the wrong decisions. Decisions that will ultimately affect her career. She needs to focus on her profession, I know that she has it in her. Would not every mother want her child to succeed in life? I want her to be top of the top.“  
  
The blonde dared to speak, even though very insecurely, „Of course, that’s understandable…“ So that was the thing Carmilla talked about, the insufferable mother Karnstein.  
  
„Is it to you? Because if it were, then you wouldn’t interfere, you wouldn’t jeopardize her career like that.“  
  
„Mrs. Karnstein, I don’t understand, where this-“  
  
„I know about the _affair_. I know that you are in a somewhat romantic relationship with your teacher, _my daughter_.“, the dean spoke calmly. _Crap._ This couldn’t be happening.  
  
„What?“, Laura let out in a high pitched voice, „That is- No, it-“  
  
„I have video footage of you in my house, dear. I have proof of your _indelicacy_ with my daughter.“, Renata chuckled darkly, „You know, I could get you arrested for trespassing, while I was away. I just would have to make _one single phone call_ …“  
  
Laura closed her eyes and drove a hand through her hair. This couldn’t be happening. This was just a silly nightmare, just a silly… Except it wasn’t. Renata Karnstein, the dean of students, knew that Laura was sleeping with her teacher -who was her daughter. _Double crap_ , no scratch that, **SHIT**. _Biggest pile of shit there was._ She knew that they were in a relationship. The blonde remained silent again. She simply didn’t know what to say in such a situation. _Crap. Crap. Crap._  
  
  
„Although, I am not planning on using it… Under one condition.“  
  
„What condition?“, Laura was listening, Renata was moving towards the window again and looked out.  
  
„You will break it off, _Laura_.“, the student gulped audibly.  
  
Laura cringed at the mention of her name. It sounded so good from Carmilla’s mouth, but it was like torture for her ears from that woman. The blonde woud have to break up with Carmilla. She couldn’t even think about it. The simple thought of it made her queazy and sick to her stomach. Laura was screwed.  
  
  
  
„Of course there will also be compensation for the _inconvenience_. Name me any amount, and I will gladly be of your service. Do you need a car? Do you need an apartment off campus? Maybe something else a student could wish for?“, wow that woman was keen on making sure that the blonde really would not continue her relationship with Carmilla.  
  
Laura scoffed and shook her head, „I don’t need your money, Mrs. Karnstein. Even if my financial situation would have been different, I would never touch your dirty money.“ _Erm- Okay Hollis, maybe you shouldn’t say things like that to the dean…_  
  
The brunette looked at her in surprise, „You are making this hard for me. Do I need to remind you of the fact that sometimes things just happen, if one were to disobey? Tests go missing, papers that are to be handed in, vanish. I would hate for you to get caught up in things like these.“  
  
„You don’t need to threaten me… I will break it off, but don’t you ever dare come to me and offer me money in exchange for your daughter, because Carmilla can not be measured out in money.“, Laura knew, she had to break it off. It would not be easy though. She didn’t even notice that she had said Carmilla’s given name and not the regular Ms. Karnstein.  
  
Renata was baring her teeth, a devilish grin emerging. „ _Carmilla_.“, she repeated, „Very well, do we have a deal then?“

  
„Yes.“, it took everything out of Laura, but she had to agree to this. It wasn’t only her academics, but she knew that Renata could do a lot worse to Carmilla, if she didn’t say yes to the deal. She just wasn’t fully comprehending what it eventually meant. She would deal with it later.  
  
„I will see myself out… Good luck with your _studies_ , Ms. Hollis. I really do hope to see you aspire as a young journalist.“, the brunette vanished through Laura’s dorm room door.  
  
  
Laura sat down on the edge of her bed and covered her mouth with her hand. What had she done? _What had they both been doing?_ How had they been so reckless? How had they been so foolish? How could they ever have expected it all to work out? That no one would ever find out?

  
_Truly, everything was too good to be true…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me on tumblr: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/) Irony much? Maybe.


	26. Sharing Commonalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla both know that they have to end it soon.  
> Only problem here: Both can't seem to do it somehow.  
> Carm shares commonalities with someone else too...

Carmilla was dreading the day she finally would have to talk to her girlfriend. The break up was something she wasn’t particularly fond of. Of course her mother’s visit to lover girl went unnoticed by her, as Laura was suffering from the same mind game. How to tell your girlfriend, who you love that you can’t be together anymore, because of certain mommy issues. (And of course because society doesn’t accept student/teacher interactions, but that was a different story.)  
  
The blonde had sent Carmilla a text that she was working on her paper and reading over said thing one last time, before handing it in. The teacher decided on asking, if Laura had time to meet after her Monday classes, like they were doing it for a while now. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with that nerd girl.  
  
**Carm:** _Same spot, same time today after class?_  
**Carm:** _I’d like to see you._

  
_I’d like to see you as much, as I can, before I have to end it._  
  
  
  
Laura was out of her class, earlier than normal. The student had a lot on her mind, like how the hell she was going to talk to Carmilla. Did Carmilla’s mother already speak to her daughter about the fact that she knew or did she leave it all to Laura? The amateur journalist just knew one thing: She couldn’t hide from it forever. She had to break up with Carmilla one way or the other or her nightmares would come true. Laura was sure that the dean was already planning on making her life and the life of her (still) girlfriend a living hell, if nothing went to her accordingly.  
  
Still the same question crept up: How on earth had they both been so naive and thought that everything would go smoothly?  
  
When Laura read Carmilla’s message, it broke her heart. She still was clueless. _Here goes nothing…_  
  
**Laura:** _Sure, I’ll be there._  
  
The blonde still had about half an hour to get to the spot, so she stayed back and sat down somewhere in a computer room in the journalism department she was at. Laura needed a game plan for this. She knew, she couldn’t push it away from her forever. The student -like always- tried to come up with the right words, but how can you find the right words to something you find so utterly wrong. Nothing had felt so at ease and so perfect like being with Carmilla and not being together with her, just the pure thought of it, broke her heart.  
  
  
  
When Carmilla got to the place her car was parked at, she already could see her student leaning on her BMW and looking up the sky. It was the most beautiful picture that was painted in front of her. The brunette didn’t want to interrupt her lover, but knew with her mother knowing about them, they couldn’t be any more out in the public than needed.  
  
  
“Hey there beautiful.”, Carmilla approached the girl she loved. Laura slowly averted her gaze to her with a smile decorating her lips.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Get inside.”, the professor unlocked her car and cocked her head to the side and the blonde complied.  
  
When both were in the car, Laura stopped Carmilla from buckling herself in, tugged on her blazer and kissed her fiercely.  
  
_This could be the last time._  
  
  
The student knew, it probably wouldn’t be the last time, but still she didn’t trust herself with her words. Sometimes she had this habit of just blurting things out that were on her mind. What if she breaks up with her out of the blue? She had to enjoy every little second there was left.  
  
The dark haired woman felt the same. She also knew that it could be the last time for both of them. Maybe the _last kiss._ What if she would be courageous enough to break up with her? She was planning on cherishing every remaining moment there was with her girlfriend. Before she or her mother would end it. No, _she_ had to do it first, Laura at least deserved that. She needed to end it before Friday.  
  
  
Carmilla’s hand instantly found its place on Laura’s neck, urging her to come closer, breathing her in, taking in all the imprints the blonde left on her skin, her soul, simply everywhere. How was she ever going to be separated from her? How on earth could she be alive in a world, where she couldn’t have her? She hated herself so much for being a teacher. Couldn’t she just have studied something else? Being a doctor or a lawyer sounded pretty great compared to that now.  
  
But then again, she probably wouldn’t have met Laura, if she were any of the above. She would never have gotten to know, how it felt to love Laura Hollis and never would be loved by her. _Fuck._ She was loved by the one person, whose love was very hard to gain. Whose heart was so exquisite that only she apparently had a key to it. And now she was forced to lose all of that.  
  
_As if the blonde could read her mind…_  
  
  
“I love you.”, Laura whispered against her lover’s lips, when she broke free from the kiss and rested her forehead against Carmilla’s. The student had her eyes still closed, a tear rolling off her face, which the other one didn’t notice, because she had her eyes closed too.  
  
“I love you too. What was that?”, the brunette wanted to know with a sigh. Her heart swelled up and at the same time broke, when she heard those words. It was torture, it was like someone took a knife and drove it through that one muscle in her body that was so very essential for her survival.  
  
“Just wanted you to know and feel it.”, okay, the journalism student made it harder than it already was. Every second that went by made it harder for both of them.  
  
The professor couldn’t possibly survive with having to leave Laura, but that is what she would have to do. The moment Renata tells Laura, she will hate her for it. Carmilla wondered, how the blonde would approach her with the topic, if she found out from her mother. Would she cry in front of her? She didn’t want to bet on it. Carmilla would have to tell her herself. Even if there would be crying involved. God she hated crying, especially if it was her loved ones that did that.  
  
Laura swiftly turned around and fumbled with her seatbelt, before Carmilla could see the tear that had made its way down to her jaw. She then wiped it away subtly without her girlfriend ever knowing that it was there in the first place.  
  
  
The drive was dead silent. Carmilla hadn’t asked, where Laura wanted to go, but it was a given to herself that she wanted to be alone with her lover now. There was something in the air. The student seemed in her own world of thoughts -which, granted, was something pretty common, when they were in Carmilla’s car- but this time she just was a little more silent. The brunette didn’t complain though, she was pretty occupied by her own thoughts.  
  
…  
  
Laura was holding on to Carmilla, as if her life was depending on it. The couple was silently watching TV, while lying on the couch. The professor absentmindedly played with blonde locks and twisted them around with her slender fingers. The student shifted a little, so that she was fully on top of her (still) girlfriend.  
  
  
“Sweetheart?” The blonde turned her head, which was resting on Carmilla’s chest, to look at her lover. “Are you doing alright?”, Laura nodded her head and moved her hands to rest them on the professor’s ribcage, not clinging to her sides anymore. Lying on top of Carmilla was a very comfortable position.  
  
“Has someone swallowed your tongue? You haven’t said a word to me since we turned on the TV.”, the professor remarked. She had missed her voice. She didn’t know, for how long she would still be able to hear it. Carmilla wanted to imprint everything into her mind.  
  
“I just don’t want to ruin anything with words. Sometimes it’s a good thing to be quiet.”  
  
Carmilla nodded, as to say that she agreed, but Laura was never like that. Something must be up, but the dark haired woman decided to let it slide. They both didn’t need any more negative vibes to add to the situation. (Little did she know that it was the same sadness they shared.)  
  
“But I love to hear that beautiful voice that comes out of your mouth.”  
  
Laura chuckled sweetly and shifted in her position a little, so that her lips were close to the ones of the woman lying underneath her.  
  
“Would it appease you, if my mouth did other things to you, as in-”, Laura was interrupted, when her phone in her pocked rang. “Sorry, just a second.”  
  
The blonde stood up and fished out her phone. She checked the ID and sighed. Apparently it was someone important, because she picked up.  
  
  
“Hey… No, you weren’t disturbing.”, Carmilla got up and was in a sitting position on the couch and cocked an eyebrow. Laura smiled down at her and traced her fingertips against her risen eyebrow. At that the professor’s features softened again.  
  
“… Send me everything in an email, I’ll go through it later.”, the brunette took ahold of Laura’s hand and kissed its back, still locking eyes with her (still) girlfriend. The student shuddered from the touch, inhaling deeply.  
  
“Thanks, I love you too.”, at that Carmilla’s eyebrows quirked up again. Laura hung up.  
  
  
“Got a secret girlfriend that I know nothing about?”, the brunette asked, while the amateur journalist sat on her lap, effectively straddling her on the couch.  
  
“Yeah sure…”, Laura rolled her eyes, thinking of the fact that she _can’t even keep one_ , “… It was my dad… He called because he found something out, you know, because I asked him to-”  
  
“What did he find out?”, the professor didn’t let her finish.  
  
“I wouldn’t know, I told him to enclose it in an email, but you don’t need any information anymore, right? I mean, because you got your story from Ell?”  
  
“I’d still like to know, how the story ends. Maybe there is something that both sides didn’t cover.”  
  
“True. I’ll redirect you that email as soon as I get home, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”, Carmilla rested her hands on the blonde’s thigh, eyeing her own hands, when suddenly Laura’s covered hers.

  
“It’s still eating you up, am I right?”, the blonde noticed, how stiff the teacher’s position was, and how there was a crinkle, from all the thinking she did, on her forehead.  
  
The professor looked up to be met by the gentle brown eyes that were her lover’s, “No.”, she shook her head. It wasn’t a lie. _That_ wasn’t what was occupying her mind. The opposite actually, she hadn’t thought of that, since the most recent shocking revelation.  
  
“It will all be okay, yeah?”, Laura said, even though she was well aware that she was lying in that moment. _Nothing would be alright again._ Not between them anyways.  
  
“I know. How couldn’t everything be perfect, when you are here?”, Carmilla smiled gently and it made her eyes water. They both were in agonizing pain, even though neither of them knew that the other already was aware of their fate.  
  
Laura luckily hadn’t noticed, how close the brunette was to crying. Carmilla rested her head on the student’s chest, looking down, a tear rolled down her cheek, she wiped it away without her lover noticing. Laura was caught up in her own thoughts, when Carmilla retreated one of her hands from under her clasp to do said thing.  
  
…  
  
Laura had kept her promise. She forwarded the received email from her father to Carmilla the second she arrived at her dorm room. The blonde didn’t even look through it herself. The professor only needed to know, if there was some weird activity or not. Somehow Laura felt like she had no right anymore to get invested in something concerning Carmilla. She had lied so blatantly to her face that day. Carmilla later texted her anyways that it was nothing new and that it only confirmed Ell’s story. The money on that bank account hadn’t been touched. About half a million euros were wasting away.  
  
The blonde student had kissed Carmilla, even though she wasn’t allowed to, even though she had promised her girlfriend’s mother that she would break it off. She couldn’t do it. It was next to impossible on that day. The brunette had seemed so helpless in her arms, when they had talked about the issue with Renata paying off Ell. Laura had felt the shift in the air.  
  
The couple hadn’t talked much since that and the amateur journalist had left soon after the weird semi-talk they were having about it. Laura had insisted on walking home by herself. Somehow she wanted to spend time with Carmilla, but in the same time couldn’t be with her for too long. If she stayed for too long, being more intimate with her, even if it only ended in a long-lasting kissing session, she would feel more guilty. The student already had felt guilty by telling the brunette that she loved her.  
  
How was this possible? How was everything so perfect on one day and broken the next?  
  
…  
  
The couple saw each other in class on Wednesday again, as both were ‘busy’ doing things. Both were avoiding the other, as a means to preserve the already doomed relationship. If you don’t see the person you cannot be together with and cannot break off things with them, you can’t end up with a broken heart. However it was utterly inconvenient that both were forced to be in a room with now only 6 other people, as two of the students weren’t allowed to attend class anymore.  
  
  
  
**Carm:** _You were gone so early today after class._  
**Carm:** _Just wanted to know, if everything was okay._  
  
Laura was in the restroom, hiding out. She just couldn’t be alone with her teacher. The fear of doing the wrong thing (the wrong thing being telling her that she loved her and pretending that everything was peachy and kissing her) was her biggest fear. Laura knew, she had to end it soon. Renata was probably watching their each and every step and she would hate for her to do anything cruel to one/both of them.  
  
_What are you waiting for, Hollis?_  
  
The student decided to pluck up her courage and finally end it. _Just do it._ However, she was sure, she couldn’t do it over a text or over phone, so she shot her (still) girlfriend a short message.  
  
**Laura:** _Carmilla, I need to talk to you._  
**Laura:** _Can you come to the spot we always meet at, at 10 pm tonight?_  
  
**Carm:** _Oh? Of course. Why that time? Are you planning on murdering me?_  
  
She never got a response to that. Carmilla had a bad feeling. Did this mean that Laura knew? Had her mother payed her a visit? This was highly suspect. The teacher decided not to dwell on negativity though -in vain. All she could think of was how Laura would look into her eyes, heartbroken and simultaneously breaking her own heart.  
  
…  
  
Laura was looking up the stars, while sitting on the curb of the street she was supposed to meet her teacher at.  
  
  
“Stargazing are we?”, a much too familiar voice brought the student out of it.  
  
“I am trying to see the sky like you do. Trying to find comfort in it tonight.”  
  
Good way to start the conversation. Kind of. No, actually not at all.  
  
“Why would you need to find comfort?”, Carmilla wanted to know, while she sat next to her lover. Laura threw her an indecipherable expression, asking a question in response instead of answering.  
  
“Where’s your car? Didn’t you drive here?”  
  
“No, I decided on walking.”, Laura only nodded and averted her gaze to the stars again.  
  
  
“And what is written in the stars among us tonight? I mean, you Carmilla Karnstein are the stargazer here. What do you see in them tonight?”, the student wanted to know from her professor.  
  
_Nothing’s gonna go like I want it to go..._  
  
“You.”, the brunette started and Laura finally turned her head to look at her directly, “It’s ever since I met you. I saw _you_ in them.”, Carmilla averted her own eyes to the dark, vast blue that was above them, “Too cheesy, I know. But I see the vast entity that is our spangled sky in your eyes, when I look at you and in return find your face in the starry heavens, when I look up. Two things I love connecting so easily.”  
  
What Carmilla said made the whole situation harder. Laura exhaled deeply.  
  
  
“Did you ask me to come here so that we could be stargazing?”, the professor suddenly wanted to know. It was hope. Hope that Laura really didn’t know anything and this meeting meant nothing. That her mother hadn’t gone behind her back.  
  
The blonde chuckled, “No, I didn’t.”. Her voice was deep and her stare hollow, when Carmilla’s eyes locked with hers once again.  
  
“What’s wrong?”, the brunette’s heartbeat quickening. The tension between the two was palpable. And unbearable.    
  
“Carmilla…”, Laura fixated her gaze with the floor.  
  
  
“She told you.”, the dark haired woman suddenly couldn’t hold her suspicion in anymore.  
  
“Who told me what?”, Laura was confused for a second.  
  
“No one, sorry, I interrupted you, please do go on.”, Carmilla urged the other girl, who shook her head and frowned.  
  
“Wait… You already know, right?”  
  
“Know about what?”  
  
“Your mother knows about us, she knows that we have been seeing each other, she knows that you have _fucked me_ in the house that you grew up in… But you already knew that…”, woah, what a harsh choice of words. Laura closed her eyes and shook her head. “You knew that she knew, and didn’t say anything.”  
  
“I couldn’t. I can’t… Wait, _you_ knew too…”, suddenly they both realized the situation.  
  
“Yes, your mother payed me a visit on Sunday.”, so she had known for three whole days. The weird tension that was between them the whole time was because both were scared of telling the other about the encounter with Mrs. Karnstein.  
  
  
Suddenly Carmilla got desperate. She couldn’t let her mother rule her life forever. Renata had done it all her life.

“This doesn’t mean that it has to end, right…? We could just pretend that we ended it, we coul-”, Laura shook her head vigorously.  
  
“No, we can’t. We can’t do this anymore!”, the blonde stood up, her back facing the woman behind her. Carmilla got to her feet too and reached forwards to turn her around against herself, to be able to look at her. She immediately let go of the hand, after she had succeeded.  
  
  
“Wait, wait wait. You are breaking up with me? Like this?!”, incredulity was the only thing evident on the professor’s face.  
  
“Yes, what do you think?!”, it was rather desperation than anger, but it came off the wrong way. Carmilla flinched back.  
  
“Why… Why are _you_ breaking it off with me… If anything, _I_ should be the one…”, the brunette looked down to her feet. She was so small. She knew, it had to end, but never would she have thought that Laura would be the one to break things off. That Laura would be the more rational person in this. Carmilla was _Laura’s_ teacher after all. It was _her_ duty to end things.  
  
“Is your ego hurt, because _I_ am ending things?”, the student didn’t know, where the bitterness came from, but it was certainly not helping the situation. Carmilla knit her eyebrows and her expression said something like _What the hell?_. The headshake afterwards was indication too for that not being the reason to be somewhat offended or whatever it was.

The professor suddenly thought of a reason, why it would be in Laura’s interest to break up. Even if she didn’t really believe it, she still needed a reason as to why the blonde wasn’t willing to justify it to her. She couldn’t live with the fact that it was Laura, who was still being rational. Laura, who wasn’t gonna let her heart win, whereas Carmilla in comparison was the biggest love fool. The Cardigans would be proud of her in that moment.  
  
  
“Woah, FUCK!”, Carmilla laughed coldly, “You took the money, didn’t you?”  
  
“What?!”  
  
“You…”, the dark haired woman chuckled, “What did she offer you? How much did it take for you to-”  
  
“Carmilla! I’m gonna let this one go, because I get it, you are upset. But I am gonna tell you the same thing that I told your mother: I would never take your mother’s money. You can’t seriously think that I would do that, do you?”, Laura was shocked, her features hard and tears on the verge of falling.  
  
_So she does have emotions_ , Carmilla thought. Up until then Laura seemed a little too unaffected by the whole situation.

  
“Okay, sorry. Sorry I said that, it was dumb…”, the dark haired woman didn’t dare to step closer to Laura though, “… But what is it then?”  
  
“She threatened us. She threatened me primarily, but you know your mother better than anyone else, you know what she is capable of, you know how far she’ll go. She can also hurt you in the process. Is it worth it to you?”, Laura took some steps towards the other woman, who backed away, feeling a wall behind her, “ _Am I worth it to you?_ ”, Laura challenged the teacher, who gulped audibly, seeing this side of the blonde. The harsh and almost hostile side of her.  
  
“Yes.”, there came the answer without hesitation. The student, who already had her gaze averted, her body ready to leave the scene, turned to look at the dark haired woman in disbelieve.  
  
“Carmilla, she knows what we were doing, she knows everything. She has a tape of you- Your mother is also your boss, who you are dependent on and you-”  
  
“I don’t care, I can quit the job! And we just have to do this secretive thing with more finesse...”  
  
Laura shook her head again, frowning, “No you can’t! Don’t be ridiculous!”  
  
The dark haired woman dared to reach forwards and took ahold of Laura’s hand tentatively, who didn’t jerk away, but her head shot upwards. Their eyes met.  
  
“My trust fund’s gonna be all mine in 4 months. I’m turning 25 soon… I don’t need this job… I have some money saved up, I can look for something else to keep myself occupied for the next few months, to be able to pay rent and my bills, if it is necessary… She doesn’t have to know, I’ll tell her that I can’t be around you anymore, so she won’t even know. She won’t be suspicious. She’ll never know, she’ll just never know…”, Carmilla said in a hopeful voice. She had never thought about it. She thought they’d break it off, the moment Laura knew, but now with the situation so real, she just couldn’t let it happen without wanting to fight for her love.  
  
“This isn’t as easy as you paint it out to be.”, Laura finally freed herself from Carmilla’s grip, “You have spent thousands of dollars on your education. 7 years of your life you have given your all to earn your degrees, and all of this you’ll give up for what? _For me?_ ”, the blonde scoffed at the mention of herself and looked down to the floor again, almost disgusted by herself. As if she were scum, as if she were disposable trash. This was not the way Carmilla wanted Laura to see herself.  
  
_How could she not see, how much of a treasure she was for her?_  
  
Those words clutched at the brunette’s heart so much that her tears took over for her, they streamed down her face, without any sound escaping her lips. Laura looked up again, she finally saw, how her words had broken the other woman. She meant them well though. She reached forwards to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Tears that she caused, but Carmilla flinched away. Not letting the student wipe away the feelings she had for her.  
  
Carmilla instead took ahold of the hand and placed it on her chest, mimicking Laura’s action from some days ago. The blonde closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. All she could do is shake her head. Saying _no, no, no_ in her head as a silent mantra.  
  
  
“Do you feel it? That’s what you cause my heart to do.”  
  
“Here I thought I had already broken it.”, Laura smiled sadly and sighed, but did nothing to place her hand elsewhere, she kept it, where the brunette wanted it to be. She kept herself on her heart.  
  
“You did break it.”, Laura frowned and her own tears were emerging again, “You can break it as much as you want, but in the end what counts is, if you are willing to fix it again. If you are here to heal it, because I love you so, so much and I can’t throw it all away, just because she wants me to… Just because she doesn’t want me to be happy.”  
  
“That’s not true, she doesn’t want you unhappy.”, Laura responded. At that Carmilla scoffed, but the student explained herself, “She just doesn’t understand it, but I don’t think a mother wants her child to be unhappy.”  
  
“Laura, not everyone’s mother is a saint like yours. Mine is cruel and unfair, you won’t understand, because you have preserved that memory of your perfect mother in you.”  
  
Laura let her hand fall beside her body again, still maintaining their proximity, but something changed.  
  
  
“What? Do you think I’m a child, who’s still clinging to mummy dearest’s memories and can’t see anything outside of that bubble?”  
  
“That’s not-”, Carmilla groaned and placed both her hands on each side of her head and closed her eyes, “That’s not, what I meant. You misunderstood me.”  
  
“Well, apparently I don’t understand anything anymore. I don’t understand this whole situation, I don’t understand, how we could be so reckless, I don’t understand how a woman, _who has multiple degrees,_ could let _that_ happen!”  
  
“Are you blaming _me_ now?”, Carmilla’s eyes shot open and shock was evident on her face.  
  
“No, I am blaming us both! How could we ever think that this would not come out? We were stupid fools. It was stupid, we were stupid for letting that happen.”  
  
The dark haired teacher tried to regain some composure, as she inhaled deeply, “Was it stupid for you to fall in love? Was it really so stupid? Is that what it is to you?”  
  
“Carm-”  
  
“Answer me Laura! Do you think that you were stupid, because you fell in love with me?”  
  
“No! Stop putting words into my mouth! I never said anything like this! I merely meant that we should have been more careful!”  
  
“You made it sound like you wished, we never came past silly flirtations and crushes. You just sounded like you never wanted to fall in love with me.”  
  
Laura and Carmilla locked eyes again, the brunette rising an eyebrow to challenge the other girl. The student’s eyes gave her away.

  
“You do wish that, don’t you?”, just an observation. The pained expression that was the response to Carmilla’s question was answer enough. “Well…”, the professor scoffed, “Now that we cleared that…”, the dark haired woman bit her lip, contemplating how to say her following sentence in the most gentle way. Even though Laura had broken her heart in that night multiple of times, she couldn’t do it to her.  
  
“It would have been easier for both of us, yes. Better than having this mortifying conversation at least, if we never had let it happen to us in the first place.”, Laura cut through the teacher’s thoughts. This gave Carmilla the last piece. This was the gasoline to her already burning heart. This made sure it would burn to the ground.  
  
  
“Okay.”, Carmilla nodded curtly, her voice only above a whisper, “Then see yourself as off the hook. _I’m done_.”  
  
“ **WHAT?!** ”, Laura’s voice was high-pitched. Even though she thought that this would be the eventual outcome, it was not expected it to be like this.  
  
“It’s over Laura. You. And. I. Are. Done.”, the teacher gave her everything, when uttering her words. She didn’t want to give the blonde the victory of seeing her tears. She had seen enough of them. Someone, who could hurt her like Laura could, wasn’t allowed to see the effects of her words on her.  
  
“Car-”  
  
“Stop. Don’t say anything else. I don’t think, I can take anything else from you anymore. Just…”, Carmilla shook her head and scoffed, “Pretend you never met me. Maybe pretending will help you make your wish come true.”  
  
The brunette was walking away, when she heard Laura’s voice again.  
  
“That’s it? This is how you’re ending it? Hurting me like that?”  
  
Carmilla turned around again and cast her now ex-lover a devilish grin. One that made Laura cringe.  
  
“You don’t get to make me feel bad about myself right now.”, but she still did, “I think we both know that _you_ did your part of hurting me much better than I did mine.”  
  
  
Laura couldn’t reply anything to that anymore. Of course she had seen the pained expression on Carmilla’s face. She had yet again not failed to hurt the brunette. Were those words really the right ones? _Who cared?_ It had to end, it didn’t matter, how, right? This was necessary, she told herself. Carmilla needed to hate her in order to get over this.  
  
Next problem: _How could she get over Carmilla?_  
  
The blonde let her emotions get to her and sat back on the curb, with her head buried in her hands and cried heavily. At that time of the day no one was out in that street anyway. No one would be able to see her pain. She was alone. All by herself. She was single again. It was the right decision.  
  
_But why didn’t it feel like the right one then?_  
  
…  
  
Carmilla wrapped up her reading earlier on Thursday, because she didn’t have the energy to get through 4 academic hours. Her eyes were red, she could only imagine that her students noticed, but they probably blamed it on restlessness over whatever, than her crying (she at least was hoping so). **Ew** , she hadn’t cried over someone in a very long time. _Not since..._ Well, love was clearly not made for her.  
  
_Suck it up, Karnstein. You were not born a softie._  
  
The teacher got into her office and closed off the blinds, but in the same time opened a window. Her cigarette pack was awaiting her arrival at the office. There was no one, who gave a shit anymore and no one, to stop her from doing whatever the hell she pleased to do.  
  
There was too much work to be finished, before going home. Carmilla felt her head ache. She also had to go hold a seminar on Shakespeare in the afternoon, because one of her colleagues was away for some days. She promised to take over for him. That needed preparation too. Carmilla was exhausted, physically and mentally. Just as she was about to sit down on her chair, her door was yanked open.  
  
  
“What the creeping hell-”, Carmilla looked up and the person that stood on the other side of the room, made her eyes grow wide. _Danny._  
  
“Ms. Karnstein, is it?”, the tall redheaded giant looked at the teacher in expectance.  
  
_Fucking great._  
  
“Please close the door behind yourself, will you?”, the dark haired woman had no nerve for this, but it was only a matter of time until Danny would pay her a visit after her appearance on the Silas Gazette. The student took a seat across from the desk, leaning back and rising her hands expectantly.  
  
  
“Why did you come, miss…?” (Danny didn’t know that Laura had told her about her.)  
  
“Lawrence. Danielle Lawrence, I don’t know, if you remember me.”, the redhead locked her jaw after introducing herself. She thought Carmilla couldn’t recall their first and only encounter, but the professor looked like she did.  
  
“Ms. Lawrence, to what do I owe the pleasure?”, the brunette repeated.  
  
“I came to see, if I could trust my eyes. When I read the school paper this morning, I thought to myself, well _no_ , this couldn’t be the same girl I saw at the party… This doesn’t make sense, so I came here to check for myself…”  
  
“And? Am I prettier in real life or does that picture highlight my beauty perfectly?”, Carmilla mocked and cocked an eyebrow.  
  
“I can’t believe you.”, Danny’s anger came to surface.  
  
“Can’t believe what?”  
  
“That you’d use Laura like this.”, the tall girl replied. Carmilla frowned and shook her head.  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Yes, excuse you! How could you have slept with one of your students?!”  
  
Carmilla closed her eyes and breathed out, “Did Laura talk to you? Did she tell you that?” _Fuck, fuck, fuck._  
  
“No, she would never... I saw it with my own eyes at that party! I saw, how you two left… I have imagined you to be some fling, something Laura needed back then, but now I find out that you teach here… I mean how do you even justify yourself??”  
  
Good, she knew nothing. It was just a silly assumption.  
  
“Okay first of all. There was _never_ anything between me and Laura! _Nor will there ever be something._ ”, this sentence rolled off her tongue easier than she had anticipated, “Secondly it is none of your business what she does, because she’s her own person. This whole daddy-thing you are pulling, is not very attractive, just a little advice for the future.”  
  
“Oh? And what would attract her? What do you think? Do you think Laura would ever fall for someone like you?”  
  
That stung a little more than it should have, but Carmilla decided to play her teacher-card.  
  
“Ms. Lawrence, don’t forget that _I am still a teaching instance_ at this school and _above you_. Watch your mouth. As for Ms. Hollis... I don’t even know what relevance this has, because I already told you that there is _nothing_ between us.”, a pointed look and it seemed to persuade the tall student.  
  
  
“Just stay away from Laura. I know you are her new English Lit. teacher, but just keep your hands off of her.”  
  
_A little too late for that, agent orange..._  
  
“I have no intention in doing anything about or with her, so you can throw yourself at her or whatever.”  
  
Okay, this stung too.  
  
“Good.”, Danny was rising up and for the first time her expression was somewhat neutral and not radiating hate. “I never would have thought this of you.”, she let her gaze wander through the office.  
  
Carmilla, who had her eyes fixated on her calendar on her desk, locked eyes with that student again, “Thought what?”  
  
  
“I don’t know… This whole teacher thing… Simply everything. I can’t believe, I am saying that, but you are actually living _my_ dream. We are more alike than I would have thought.”  
  
The professor was falling apart in the inside. What would she give for simply being a student at Silas? If she could, she would swap with Danny right on that spot.  
  
“I hardly think we are _that_ alike. But I sense a hint of a compliment behind your revelation and I would like for us to end this encounter with exchanging pleasantries rather than harsh words.”  
  
“Wow and I never would have thought that you’d ever talk like that. So… Calculating and formal. I still have you envisioned as that dark, shady chick.”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, it was strange, but somehow after all the things she learned from Laura, she didn’t hate Danny that much anymore. She understood her. Carmilla’s hard demeanor changed into a more relaxed one.  
  
The tall ginger bean stalk remembered her of herself to some extent. They weren’t alike at all, when it came to mannerisms, but at the same time shared the same passion for literature, as she had learned from Laura. Carmilla recalled an email from her alma mater in that moment and instinctively went with the flow that was her thoughts. Her brain was doing weird things since her break up.  
  
  
“Lawrence?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“The grad school I went to in the States has a few spots open for an English Lit. seminar in summer. They are taking in people just like you. I’d give it a shot, if I were you. You can learn a lot from there, it might be interesting for you.”  
  
Danny was clearly surprised at the offer, “Where did you go to school?” Like what now? Why the hell was the professor doing such a thing?  
  
“Columbia University.”  
  
Another gasp of surprise, “As in New York?”  
  
“Yeah, the one in New York.”, Carmilla shook her head in amusement, “If you want, I’ll write you a letter of recommendation. I graduated with highest honor there, so they might credit my opinion a little.”  
  
“Why are you doing this? You don’t even like me.”, yeah this was a valid question.  
  
Carmilla didn’t know it herself. Maybe it was the first time, she understood Danny and silently wanted to say sorry that she ever thought _that_ badly of her. She was still in fault for cheating and it was nothing the brunette supported, but she understood now the feeling of not being wanted by the woman you love and getting frustrated by that. The feeling of being rejected by Laura Hollis. Their mutual ex-girlfriend.  
  
_Laura was her ex-girlfriend._  
  
“Maybe because I do get you in some ways. You are right, we are not so different from each other. We do have some shared interests.”, with the last part she mostly meant Laura and not the fact that both were crazy about English literature.  
  
“I think your sympathy level got elevated by a hundred percent right now.”, the literature student frowned.  
  
“Good to hear that. Shall we call it a truce?”  
  
“You bet.”, Danny held out her hand and Carmilla shook it.

This whole situation was twisted and the brunette really didn’t understand, why she did this, but there she was. Handing over a great opportunity. If that’s not her being fair, what was?  
  
…  
  
“...It’s for the better Laura, you said it yourself. It would only mean bad blood for the both of you. I mean the dean is hella creepy and I wouldn’t wanna get burnt by her fire.”, LaF was meeting their friend for breakfast (the redhead had been too busy with studies to meet at any other daytime).  
  
“You should have seen her… I have never seen her like that. It was so different from when I accused her of cheating. I had never thought this could get any worse.”  
  
“Well breaking someone’s heart because you end things with them is a little more intense, I guess.”, LaF rubbed Laura’s back, who was resting her head on the dining table in their cafeteria, “How are you holding up with it?”  
  
“I’m peachy. Just really peachy.”, the sarcasm behind the response was too evident.  
  
“I don’t really have advice for you. I can’t really speak from experience… Because you don’t experience things like these in real life… Well except for _you_ clearly…”  
  
“My life’s a mess. Everything’s just a freaking mess and I have to be in her class in about an hour and… I don’t know what to do.”  
  
“I don’t either, L.”  
  
The friends looked at each other, and the blonde groaned.  
  
“ _I am starting to hate 2016_.”  
  
“I feel ya.”  
  
  
  
Laura spent some extra time with LaFontaine, so she wouldn’t be too early for her seminar. It was a safe bet to be in the room 5 minutes before the class would start, because that was about the time all the other people slowly started to show.  
  
A deep breath and some encouraging words to herself later, the blonde slipped into the room that went by the number 307, only to be surprised by what was behind that door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over here I am pretty much anything, but angstfree: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/) Say what?


	27. Running, Running As Fast As You Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura witnesses something uber-weird.  
> Carmilla has something to tell her ex-lover.  
> Hearts are broken, but it is for the best, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I would like to dedicate to a certain person, who's a total cutie! M., you know ;)  
> So here is to our late night/early morning rambling sessions! Don't drop wine glasses again.
> 
> Of course I'd like to thank each and every one of the other readers as well.  
> Thanks for reading, I so do hope you enjoy and I love reading your thoughts, so keep 'em coming, doesn't matter, where!
> 
> XXX

Carmilla was reading a certain email over and over again. A university had made her an attractive offer to take over a vacant spot of a teaching position in English Literature. _A real full time job_. Not only a little seminar with 9+9=18 students. She would take over three classes of about 30 people. She could start right away, the offer stood for the summer semester 2016.  
  
This position had been interesting for her, before she learned that they weren’t taking any professors in the making anymore. Now apparently something had changed. Carmilla knew, it had also something to do with her faculty that sent her evaluation papers in behalf of her to the dean of students at that university. She had asked for this in the winter break, not really thinking of the outcome. She merely wanted to keep open her options after Silas and had thought, if she was offered a place, it would be the next year, but not that she had to make a choice until the current semester ended, because they needed someone right away. Her hand hovered above her trackpad, she didn’t have an idea on what to do. Being away from Silas could make things with Laura easier, she thought.  
  
The email was her reason to cancel her class that was scheduled for that Friday morning that she (un)fortunately had with Laura Hollis, _the ex-girlfriend_. The professor had forgotten to prepare for the seminar, as her head was in and all over the place. Laura was part the reason for her cancellation too (even though it was a small one), because she needed to make the decision without her thoughts about _her_ interfering.  
  
Carmilla decided on thinking about the offer during the weekend. Laura had nothing to do with her own life choices, granted, but that’s exactly why she had to prevent herself from seeing her. This was about her own future and besides, Laura made her clear two days ago that she wished they never had fallen in love with each other. That thought still was lingering in her mind.  
  
Her heavy session of brooding was interrupted, when a knock on her office door appeared.  
  
  
“Hey… _Professor_ …”, Danny entered and awkwardly bit on her lip, “Actually, can I call you Carmilla? Because I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that you are sort of an authority figure at Silas.”  
  
The professor chuckled, “Yeah, as long as it stays between us. I wanna be able to call you nicknames too.”  
  
Danny rolled her eyes and sat down across the teacher. She sat on the same chair, as Laura always did- Which _totally not important_ , because no relevance.  
  
“So, Xena…”  
  
“Woah, I’ll let you call me nicknames, but not insulting ones.”  
  
“Why insulting? Xena is a warrior princess. She’s brave and some people think she’s hot. Don’t like it?”  
  
The redhead scoffed and shook her head, but didn’t say anything in return.  
  
“As I was saying, I finished your letter of recommendation, so you picked a perfect timing for coming in. Let me just print it out real fast.”  
  
…  
  
Laura was all alone in Room 307. It was empty. No sign of any of her colleagues, nor Carmilla. _Interesting._ She decided to wait, but as the minutes flew by and still no one showed up, there was the ultimate thing for Laura to do. She decided to look for her ex-girlfriend/teacher at her office. Carmilla never was late. The whole situation was strange, as her classmates hadn’t shown either. _Guess there is only one thing to do..._  
  
  
The blonde decided on fully barging into the professor’s office, “Car- **Professor Karnstein**.“, Laura could correct herself quickly enough, as her gaze wandered to the visitor sitting in front of the teacher’s desk. The brunette immediately had an annoying look on her face.  
  
“Ms. Hollis, did you need anything?”, the voice in which it was said, radiated endless coldness. Carmilla was not even regarding her with direct eye-contact. What did she mean with ‘Did you need anything’? However Laura couldn’t even concentrate on that, because the visitor Carmilla was having wasn’t just anyone, it was Laura’s ex. _Well, the other ex._ Was that some kind of weird joke?  
  
Two exes in one room. Did Laura win a prize?  
  
“No… I… Okay _seriously_? What are _you_ doing here Danny?”  
  
“Hey Laura… It’s nice to see you too…”, the redhead rolled her eyes, “I actually wanted to talk to you about _this_ … Why didn’t you tell me that Carmilla here is your teacher?”  
  
“ _Carmilla here?_ ”, the journalism student repeated, “I’m sorry, but since when do you guys- I mean…”, Laura was speechless. Never in a hundred years, would she have thought to run into something like this.  
  
“Well, I have to go, catch my class, but uh, I’ll talk to you later Hollis, and…”, the tall student locked eyes with Carmilla and held up a piece of paper, “Thank you so much for this!”  
  
“Sure, it was no big deal.”, the teacher replied to the ginger giant, who awkwardly waved, before exiting the room. She didn’t question, why Laura was here, because she could imagine that it had something to do with class. At least she hoped so.  
  
  
  
“What the hell Carmilla?”, Laura was looking at her teacher in expectance.  
  
“Ms. Hollis?”  
  
The blonde clenched her jaw, she could live with the formalities for now, “Why the hell are you meeting Danny in your office? Or _at all_ for that matter.”  
  
“Meetings with other students are nothing of your concern, Ms. Hollis and now, sorry I just forgot that _I have to be anywhere but here_.”  
  
“Yeah, because we ought to have class now. And by the way, this is your office, you can’t flee from your own office to avoid me!”  
  
Carmilla looked at the blonde directly for the first time, “Oh, didn’t you get the memo? Class was cancelled today.”  
  
“But, what? Why?”  
  
“Just because.”  
  
“Is this because of Wednesday?”, Laura tentatively asked.  
  
“No, Wednesday’s class has nothing to do with me cancelling my class today.”  
  
“You know damn well what I am talking about, Carm.”  
  
Carmilla took a deep breath, “Is there anything else I can help you with Ms. Hollis? _No?_ Okay. If you would be so kind to leave my office now, it would be much appreciated.”  
  
“Stop being childish for once.”  
  
For this sentence the teacher cocked her eyebrows. She had heard that sentence too often.  
  
“You don’t get to call me childish.”, the dark haired teacher hissed, Laura cringed.  
  
  
“Why did you cancel class?”  
  
“Because I didn’t feel like it today. I sent out an email to the whole class, thought you got it.”  
  
“I didn’t check my emails today…”, Laura hesitated for a second, before continuing, “So, Danny knows that you teach here?”  
  
“Yes, she saw the article.”, Carmilla tried everything to avoid her student’s eyes.  
  
“Does she know?”  
  
“No, don’t worry, I told her that there is _nothing between us_. Which is the truth, so...” _It is now at least._  
  
Laura didn’t know why, but the way Carmilla had said those words, made her heart sting a little.  
  
  
“And it so happens that you two are best friends all of a sudden?”  
  
“She came by my office yesterday and we got into talking and I might have written her a letter of recommendation for a seminar in Columbia for the summer… Wait, I don’t even know, why I am still justifying or explaining myself to you.”  
  
“You wrote her a letter of recommendation for a place in a seminar in Columbia?”, the student couldn’t simply think of any reason as to why Carmilla would want to be nice to Danny. For all she knew, she hated the tall student, but with this now? Was this some kind of rise of the exes against Laura Hollis? _Oh yeah, while you are at it, why not call up Emma?_  
  
“Yes. Do you need to know every little detail of our encounter or was that enough explanation? Because I’d rather you leave sometime soon, I didn’t cancel class to be bombarded by my nosey students the whole time.”, the brunette was so different from the person Laura fell in love with. She was harsh and agitated.  
  
  
“How can you be like this? How can you change yourself so easily after what happened between us?”  
  
Carmilla’s eyebrows met her hairline, “I thought _this_ was the _grand plan_? You wanted anything that happened between us gone. I am simply living by _your rules_.”  
  
“Those aren’t my rules, Carmilla. I don’t want everything to just evaporate! I never expected you to treat me like… Like…”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“You can’t even look me in the eye!”  
  
The professor provocatively stared directly into Laura’s face, but not looking at her directly, but seeing through her.  
  
“Happy now?”  
  
“You are not the only one hurting Carmilla, you are not the only one with a broken heart. The least thing I expected from you is decency. I at least expected you to respect me.”  
  
“ _With all due respect_ , I am doing exactly that. I am respecting your choice. I am even respecting your need to talk or whatever it is, we are doing here, otherwise I would not be here, breaking my own heart, because that’s what this is doing to me. You are breaking my heart, without even trying. You are breaking my heart every time I have to look at you, knowing that I can’t have you. Get that?”, the dark haired woman spat out. It was bitter and self-harming in a way.  
  
When the ex in question didn’t reply anything, Carmilla went further, “It’s just the way it is, I guess.”  
  
  
“This doesn’t have to be like this…”, Laura sighed audibly, “Why does this have to be like this?”  
  
Carmilla was defeated, her anger was replaced by helplessness. She simply shrugged in response.  
  
  
“Is this the reason for you not wanting to hold the seminar today?”, Laura tried again.  
  
“I didn’t have the time to properly prepare for it, _because_ … Don’t worry, I’ll have it under control until next Wednesday and you can ramble on about Jane Austen all you like. All you have waited for the whole semester is coming around the corner, so be stoked for that…”  
  
“What can I do to make _it_ go away?”, Laura asked with a pained expression. It was pain to look at Carmilla, at this broken girl. She was a girl again, a heartbroken girl, who was desperate. It was more torture to know that she was the cause of Carmilla’s pain than feeling the vacancy in her own heart. The brunette closed her eyes and slightly shook her head. She remained silent.  
  
  
“What do you want, Carmilla?”, Laura tried again.  
  
“I can’t ask for what I want, because _you won’t give it to me_. Why ask for something I won’t get?”  
  
Laura huffed out a breath, “I _can’t_ give it to you, it’s not that I don’t want to. You know that I want to be able to give it to you.”  
  
“You _can_. You just are more rational than I am probably.”  
  
“More rational?”  
  
“I think with my heart and you think with your brains. This is our key difference. Love doesn’t come from the brains and I have to simply accept that.”  
  
“But I do lov-”  
  
“ **Stop.** Don’t say that.” It hurt. Carmilla couldn’t even hear her say, what she felt. “It’s not fair of you to say _that_ out loud now.”, the brunette wiped away a single tear, “You have no right to say that to me anymore. Not after what you said on Wednesday.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”, Laura was defeated too. She understood Carmilla. “But I am hurting too, Carm. It’s affecting me too.”  
  
“I know.”, the teacher admitted, “But it’s easier for you, because you didn’t want this.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “Please, I beg you. Leave. I can’t take this conversation any further.”  
  
“Okay.”, Laura understood and she hoped that one day they would be continuing this. She was no practical girl, she needed explanations, she needed the theory behind everyone’s doing. And she needed the explanation to why exactly it ought to be easier for her, because it certainly didn’t feel like it.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was sitting at the dinner table with her mother. As they had agreed a week ago. Renata was quietly reading her menu, when her daughter decided to speak her heart.  
  
  
“You won.”  
  
“Beg your pardon?”  
  
“Laura and I aren’t seeing each other anymore, thought this might interest you.”  
  
“I knew, that you would come to your senses. You simply fall to easily, Carmilla.”  
  
Carmilla wanted to protest against the last point, but she didn’t. Maybe her mother was right. The brunette didn’t even know, why she was meeting her mother after all that she had done to her, but now she was there. After hearing Ell’s story and the _inconvenience_ with that blonde student of hers… She was tired of fighting with her, when the outcome was always her getting hurt.  
  
It was her way of saying that she was waving the white flag. She let her mother win. Nothing was as devastating, as losing the one thing that had made her this happy since… _Ever_. The thing with Ell couldn’t even remotely compare to that.  
  
She had important news to share with her birth giver after all, so maybe that could justify her obedience.  
  
  
“The semester is coming to an end and some universities that I had applied at for a job… Well, _one_ has responded now.”, the dark haired woman started.  
  
Renata looked up in surprise. “I didn’t know that you still were thinking of completing your professorship somewhere else?”  
  
“I wasn’t actually.”  
  
“But?”, the mother was genuinely interested.  
  
“I think the possibilities overseas are better.”  
  
“Which university responded to you?”  
  
“University of Texas in Dallas. I asked the board, if they could send them my evaluation papers some time ago. I didn’t even think too intently about it back then, just wanted to keep open my options, but I guess they liked what they saw. They want to hire me for this coming summer semester.”  
  
“Are you seriously considering going to Texas after this semester?”  
  
“I am.”, Carmilla dared to face her mother.  
  
  
“Well, I am proud of you, my dear.” This surprised the teacher very much.  
  
“You are? I thought you wanted me to stay at SU, until I can take over your reigns some day.”, she really did think that. When walking to her office for the first time after taking her mother’s offer, she actually thought she’d just sold her soul to the devil. Of course she always talked about leaving after completing her professorship, but she never thought, it would be that easy.  
  
Renata chuckled and took a sip of wine, “It is a nice picture you painted there, but I highly doubt that Silas University is the right place for you to be right now. If Dallas really wants you, I think you should take the opportunity. It is not a bad university.”  
  
“Yeah. I think, I might really take up on their offer.”  
  
Two pros to add to her mental list: her mother approved (which: whatever) and she would not be in her range (which: yay).  
  
…  
  
“The semester’s ending next Friday… The Zetas are throwing a huge party at their frat house on Saturday, and I know, you don’t like to go there, but I still thought it could be fun, ya know? We four hitting it off again, just like old times?”, LaFontaine and Laura were having lunch on their free Sunday.  
  
“It actually doesn’t sound so bad… I could need some fun… And _do some drinking_.”, the journalism student trailed off.  
  
“Not too much alcohol for you though…”, the redhead scolded their friend and paused, before continuing, “How are you doing with everything?”  
  
“You gotta stop asking me that.”  
  
“I know, but I can’t help it. I just don’t want you to close yourself off. You haven’t really been emotional about your whole break up and it is kind of starting to worry me.”  
  
“I just can’t.”, Laura shrugged, setting aside her fork and wiping the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t even hungry. Eating food was just a means to make her body function. There was no appetite, whatsoever.  
  
“Can’t what?”  
  
“I can’t wrap my head around the fact that it’s over…”, the blonde laughed humorlessly, “The story isn’t supposed to go ‘You fall in love and the person loves you back and your happiness is being shattered by some deep dark called fate or you know your girlfriend’s mother and that damn moral shit’. I am clinging to my happy ending, even though I know, I won’t get one. Carmilla’s not even responding to my texts.”  
  
  
“You are sending her texts?”, LaF asked incredulously, ignoring the rest of the sentence.  
  
“Well… I just wanted to know, if she’s doing alright… It was only one text actually.” She lied, there were several.  
  
“Laura, you can’t do that. Break ups don’t work like that. You can’t play with her feelings like that.”  
  
“Are you saying that I should come off indifferent and act like I don’t care at all for her? I don’t want her to get the wrong impression here.”  
  
“I think you got that covered with what you said to her the night you broke up.”, the science nerd took a risk by saying that. They had listened intently to the story Laura had told them, but they also knew that Carmilla was right in being her bitter and indifferent self. No one wants to hear from someone, who claims to love them that they wished, they never had fallen in love with them.  
  
“You now too? Isn’t anyone getting my side here? I never meant it like that… I simply said that it would have been easier that way.”  
  
“Okay… Laura, you know I love you, but that clueless adorableness isn’t gonna help you in life. You are pretty harsh in your choice of words sometimes. Can you just for once go back to the night and pretend that she said those things to you? What if she had told you that she’d wished she never had developed feelings for you?”  
  
“But I…”, Laura closed her eyes and really imagined the whole situation from the other side and LaF was right. How had she been blind to that? Ugh, Hollis still that clueless girl. She knew, it had been pretty harsh, but now, considering it from the other side fully, she just saw the whole impact of her words. “I’m terrible. I shouldn’t be allowed to date.”  
  
“Nah, I think you just need someone to open up your eyes once in a while. Like me.”  
  
Laura shot her friend a sad look.  
  
“Laura… Maybe once you two cooled off, you can go apologize, but don’t go to her now and try to redeem yourself, when you both still clearly are broken. It’s not gonna help any of you.”, they smiled compassionately, even though they couldn’t imagine the slightest pain of what the blonde was feeling right now.  
  
…  
  
Wednesday rolled in again, and even though it was tough, Laura always was looking forward to seeing her favorite teacher. She secretly hoped everyday, when walking to uni that she would run into her, but that never happened in the last two days. Except she knew, that Wednesday and Friday were her only chances. Carmilla had promised her the week before that the class would not be cancelled again.  
  
The blonde strolled in lazily into the classroom (making sure, she wasn’t too early, but still 3 minutes earlier than scheduled time). All of her classmates were already sitting at their desks and Carmilla was in the midst of saying something, when she spotted the blonde.  
  
The dark haired woman was in her least formal clothing that Laura had seen on her in seminar. She was wearing dark, tight jeans and a white button up shirt. Carmilla was also wearing dark red lipstick and her hair was slightly curlier than normal, uncombed maybe. It was like she was incorporating her change of mannerisms into her change of appearance. She became someone else.  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t know that we were starting early.”, Laura apologized.  
  
“We didn’t, I’m just explaining things.”, Carmilla replied, with her back turned towards the blackboard.  
  
Just in that moment the blonde noticed that the brunette had written down something.  
  
‘www.silasinternationaluniversity.ac.at/grading/karnsteincelit / key: 1698’  
  
Class flew by swiftly. Laura enjoyed discussing their last work. It was Jane Austen after all, and who didn’t love themselves some Jane Austen? Just as the blonde was about to pack up her things, because they had already been in the room for 10 minutes longer than they should have, Carmilla made an announcement.  
  
  
“Well, as you guys know, there is going to be a test on Friday. I normally don’t fail anyone in this seminar, and your class did nothing but please me. You guys did a wonderful job on participating, but if there is anyone, who isn’t happy with their grade, they can take this test with the others to better his or her grade.”  
  
So that’s what the website on the blackboard was. The gradings were out. Laura decided to look up her grade almost immediately, not paying attention to her colleagues, who weren’t doing a thing to leave room 307. One girl raised her hand and asked a question, which the blonde had seen from the corner of the eye.  
  
“Ms. Karnstein, I wanted to sign up for your seminar for next semester, but the university server showed me a broken link, when I tried to do that.”  
  
“Yeah…”, Carmilla cleared her throat, at that Laura got attentive, “It’s because the seminar isn’t going to be held by me.”, the blonde’s gaze immediately shot up.  
  
“It’s not?”, a guy from the back row asked.  
  
“No, I’m sure the university is going to fix that link, once they have found replacement for me.”  
  
“Replacement? Are you going to be teaching anything else? Or are you leaving us?”  
  
Laura watched that exchange with observant eyes. Carmilla hadn’t locked her eyes with the student’s once in the seminar. The brunette seemed to tense up a bit. If anything, Laura knew her ex-girlfriend/professor by now. She knew, when she was tense or angry or whatever it was (she just didn’t know, when she hurt her…).  
  
“I fear it is the latter.”, Carmilla sighed, “I am not going to be teaching at SU as of Friday.”  
  
Shock. Laura’s cell phone fell onto the desk, which everyone noticed.  
  
“Oh fuck- I mean, sorry, my phone slipped outta my hands.”, Laura mumbled and retrieved said device. Recently she picked up on her favorite swear word again.  
  
  
  
“Were you going to tell me that you have plans on leaving Silas or was it just gonna be: _Sorry, babe, but ciao_?”, the journalism student asked her professor, when she had stayed back after the end of the seminar (even though she promised herself that she wouldn’t do that, hell she even promised Carmilla that she wouldn’t be such a burden to her teacher).  
  
“Have you signed?”, Carmilla asked, even though she looked at the attendance list herself, to make sure of it.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
The professor packed up and turned around to wipe the blackboard clean. She didn’t have to do that, but with Laura in the room, while they were alone, she didn’t trust herself, so she occupied herself with something to do.

  
“Ms. Karnstein?”, Laura asked through gritted teeth. Gosh, that Hollis girl could be her indifferent self too.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Aren’t you gonna answer me?”  
  
“I don’t have to answer personal questions from my students.”  
  
The blonde let out an exasperated sigh, but decided to face the situation calmly nonetheless. She moved towards her teacher slowly, who caught on to the fact and quickly backed away.

  
“What the hell are you doing?”  
  
“Carm…”  
  
“It’s professor Karnstein for you.”, the brunette seemed to have fun with this.  
  
“Okay _professor_ Karnstein… Or better yet, did you prefer _Dr. Karnstein_? _That_ appease you?”, Laura had never called Carmilla by her title. It was somehow hot, but this was definitely not the right time to think about that.  
  
“Actually, yes!”, the dark haired woman said with a fake smugness and rolled her eyes.  
  
  
“For fuck’s sake, Carmilla! Why can’t we be like before all of that…”  
  
“Before _what_?”, the professor challenged.  
  
“ _You know_.”  
  
Carmilla let it go, her shoulders sacked a little, she wasn’t holding her proud position anymore, she was just tired of having that similar conversation over and over again, with no real outcome.  
  
  
“We are not together anymore and I don’t have to tell you about my private life.”  
  
“Except we _were_ together only a week ago and I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that you have developed so much hate for me in those 7 days! Do you really hate me so much?”  
  
The professor threw the cloth that she had used to wipe the board on the floor and scoffed, taking hurried steps towards the student.  
  
  
“You really think I hate you?”, Carmilla hissed. Laura didn’t flinch away, even though the brunette was hovering over her due to her being slightly taller than the journalism student.  
  
“It’s all you show lately.”, the blonde shrugged and their eyes practically were glued on one another.  
  
“You are such a daft girl.”, Carmilla whispered, barely audible and her eyes shifted to Laura’s lips. “ _Fatuous, foolish girl_ …”  
  
“That may be true.”, the student responded and noticed the slight shift of dynamics between them.  
  
Their proximity was something both the teacher and the amateur journalist feared, or dreaded (and equally were thrilled by). Both were aware of the fact that being this close to your ex-girlfriend wasn’t considered as healthy probably.  
  
_Whatever. Screw whoever said that._  
  
Laura only acted out of instinct, when she reached up, cupped Carmilla’s face and leaned in to kiss her. It was desperate and the blonde had thought about this opportunity a lot, but never had she thought that she’d act on her daydreams. There hadn’t been many moments, in which Laura had felt so at ease to do this in the middle of the university (err or the seminar room), but she felt like she needed to prove her point here. The student needed Carmilla to know, that she still cared, even if she had done a poor job at showing it to her, even if they were broken up, even if this was probably the worst idea ever.  
  
Just as she was about to deepen the kiss, a switch in Carmilla’s body flicked and she jolted back.  
  
The brunette shook her head, breathing unevenly.  
  
  
“I can’t.”, was all she said, Laura looked at her pleadingly.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because… I…”, the professor touched her own forehead and still was shaking her head, with her gaze directed on the floor, “I have to get out of here…”  
  
“Wait, what…?”, the blonde tried to hold her back, but was only met by a harsh cut off.  
  
“Don’t follow me.”  
  
…  
  
Laura was in her dorm room, looking incredulously at her computer screen. Carmilla had given her a 1 in her seminar, which was the equivalent of an A. The blonde was grateful, of course, but she felt like she hadn’t deserved it. Even though it wouldn’t have been fair of the teacher to grade her badly for their break up, and she knew that Carmilla never would jeopardize her academics with grading her badly, but she still was astounded.  
  
The thought of what Carmilla had said in seminar didn’t leave her mind either. She said that she was not going to teach at Silas anymore, which eventually led the blonde to have hopes and resulted in her kissing her teacher in the university. However, if she wasn’t going to teach at SU, where was she headed? Was she planning on- No, Laura didn’t want to get there. Carmilla couldn’t just be leaving off to another country without telling her, right?  
  
Screw the telling part, Carmilla wouldn’t leave at all? Not if things were like this. This couldn’t be happening. There were a lot of good schools in Styria. Maybe the professor had gotten an offer nearby and decided to transfer because of the good pay. After all Carmilla had told Laura that a professor as young as herself didn’t get picked by the good schools that she had applied to at in the States, or wherever she wanted to go after finishing university.  
  
  
Laura’s thoughts were interrupted by a knocking.  
  
“It’s open, come in.”, the blonde didn’t have the energy to get her door.  
  
“Hey Laura.”, Danny stepped into the room and waved awkwardly.  
  
“Danny…”, the student closed off the lid of her laptop and turned around, “What are _you_ doing here?”  
  
“I came by to talk… You know, we ran into each other the other day and we kind of didn’t talk what that was about.”  
  
“Yeah, you gotta explain me, what you were doing in professor Karnstein’s office.”, Laura already knew the story, but she still wanted to hear it from her ex-girlfriend, well _the other ex_. Danny sat on the blonde’s bed, while Laura remained seated on her revolving chair by the desk.  
  
“I know… I have read your article on her… And I saw that picture… And I turned into this raging-”, the tall student cut off herself, “Well, anyways I thought that I should face that girl-woman, whatever… It was odd finding out something like that. And you never told me about it… So I got suspicious, even though she is with that woman now.”, at that Laura tensed up, but it went by unnoticed by Danny, “Well I confronted her about it and she said that you never slept together, as I primarily had thought-”  
  
“Wait, what? You thought that she and I…?”  
  
“At the party, back before this semester began, it seemed like you both hit it off well. And she told me that night to back off in a way and I wasn’t sure what to think. But that’s not the point, she explained your situation to me… And I was relieved. Carmilla is kind of nice, actually… I understand now why you told me that your new English Lit professor was pretty ‘cool’.”, Danny gave Laura a pointed look, “She was really nice to me after we cleared the air and even wrote me a letter of recommendation… It’s for a summer program in Columbia. Laura, she went to freaking Columbia University in New York.”  
  
The journalism student pressed her lips together tightly and nodded, “Yeah, sounds pretty cool and nice.” Too nice for Laura’s taste.  
  
“Anyway, I felt like explaining it to you, because you seemed to be a little tensed up, when you walked into the office.”  
  
“Yeah no, it was rather the fact that she decided to cancel class without telling me, so…”  
  
“I figured, it had to do something with your seminar…”, Danny laughed, “It’s pretty odd.”  
  
“What is?”  
  
“I hated her from the moment I saw you guys holding hands at that party. I was jealous back then, because of... Well, _you_ … But now… I really envy her for something completely different. She’s come so far, I mean, I really wish to come that far myself. I wanna teach at a university… Is it weird that the woman I am supposed to hate, or you know, whatever, has become my role model? I mean, how old is she? 26?”  
  
“24. She skipped grades in her younger years.”  
  
“Asshole.”, the redhead chuckled, “Gosh, I really should be jealous of her.”  
  
“Yeah, she’s really great.”, Laura nodded.  
  
  
  
**Lois Lane:** _I kissed Carmilla. In the seminar room. Decapitate me or something._  
  
**LaF:** _YOU DID WHAT?!_  
**Lois Lane:** _KILL ME._  
**LaF:** _When? How? How did she react?_  
  
**Lois Lane:** _After our seminar. I kinda threw myself at her._  
**Lois Lane:** _She didn’t. She ran away._  
**Lois Lane:** _Why do I always do irrational, stupid things?_  
**Lois Lane:** _And she also mentioned today that she’s leaving Silas._  
**Lois Lane:** _Do you think she has a job somewhere else?_  
**LaF:** _Duh, she must have gotten another job offer, otherwise she wouldn’t leave._  
**Lois Lane:** _Do you think she’s leaving because of me?_  
  
**LaF:** _Not everything revolves around you, L._  
**Lois Lane:** _But I don’t want her to leave SU._  
**Lois Lane:** _This way we can at least communicate._  
**Lois Lane:** _If she takes a job somewhere across some other town, we won’t be able to anymore._  
**LaF:** _Would it really be such a bad thing?_  
**LaF:** _This way you both wouldn’t be distracted._  
**Lois Lane:** _I can’t make my feelings go away, even if she’s in some other school._  
**LaF:** _You are pining again._  
**LaF:** _PINE FREE ZONE._  
**Lois Lane:** _Shut up._  
  
…  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _Hey Carm, can we please talk about what happened after class yesterday?_  
**Laura Hollis:** _I still think you owe me an explanation for the whole leaving Silas thing._  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _Plus I owe you one for the kiss._  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _If you even want an explanation for that._  
**Laura Hollis:** _Because I kind of can’t explain that._  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _If you don’t want me to hunt you down, you’ll wanna respond to this._  
  
It didn’t matter to the journalism student that she came off as a crazy person, she needed to clear the air and she really needed to know what Carmilla was up to. Did she quit her job at Silas, because something with the dean happened? Did she want to leave, because it would mean that they wouldn’t ever see each other anymore…? The blonde was desperate to find it all out and this general secretiveness that Carmilla was so keen on keeping was just mind wrecking and cruel.  
  
**Carm:** _I can’t really have one day without you hitting up my phone?_  
  
There came the snarky reply. It was kind of rude, but better than the unreplied-to messages from the days before.  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _You know me, journalism student and all. We are annoying sometimes._  
**Laura Hollis:** _So please, is there any way you will talk to me like a civil person._  
**Laura Hollis:** _Without me having to tie you up to a chair or something?_  
  
**Carm:** _You have a very weird fantasy._  
**Carm:** _If you want, we can meet on Saturday._  
**Carm:** _I’ll be busy tomorrow with the tests that I have to correct._  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _Thank you, thank you, thank you._  
**Laura Hollis:** _Praise the lord, she is a sane person again._  
  
**Carm:** _I wouldn’t bet on it._  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _I’ll see you on Saturday, same spot as usual? At 12 am?_  
  
**Carm:** _Sure, I’ll be there._  
  
  
  
Carmilla looked at her phone screen. _She would have to tell her_ … A knot formed in her chest. It was, as if she couldn’t breathe anymore. Her decision to go to Texas was final. She needed to do this, not only for her career, because that was secondary now, but to keep her sanity. The professor couldn’t be in that university anymore, wondering all the time what she could do, to be with Laura again. It was nerve-wrecking and unhealthy. The brunette was very professional and she wanted to keep it that way. If she couldn’t find her happiness in Austria, maybe she should try it somewhere else.  
  
Maybe Carmilla never should have come back to the roots. All the bad things that happened to her happened here. In her hometown, in that freaking ice-blasted village in the nowhere of Styria. Texas was another kind of wasteland, she never was so fond of the southern states, but this was her chance. She wanted to be challenged and being away from her mother would be a good thing too.  
  
Her last good reason to leave was the importance of Laura’s academics and her future. She did all of this for her sake too. As much as the student was fighting it, Carmilla knew, there would quite possibly be situations like the one in room 307. Laura or maybe even Carmilla would most probably get caught up again, and as much as she enjoyed that the blonde acted out of instinct and kissed her (it meant there were still deep feelings involved), she couldn’t be so selfish. She had to run, in order to keep herself from messing up the life of the girl she loved so much. Laura was the one to initiate the kiss the day before after all. Carmilla still loved her, _still was screwed_ , even though her words from a little more than one week ago were still burnt in her memory. She was running from all that, but at least with a clean slate, if she could prevent anything from happening again. The brunette had nothing to feel bad about in this matter. She just wanted to prevent them both more pain and heartbreak.  
  
Carmilla just hoped that by leaving she would achieve her goal of preserving both of their hearts.  
  
_Let’s see, where that leads you, Karnstein…_  
  
…  
  
Laura was on her way to the agreed spot, she and Carmilla decided on meeting at. The blonde had seen her teacher for their last session of English Lit., but the dark haired woman was caught up in preparing for the exams for her students that she called it quits after only an hour and rushed away. Laura and her colleagues went to celebrate the end of the semester afterwards (it is perfectly okay for students to be drinking at 1 pm, if it’s under those circumstances).  
  
The blonde was infinitely happy that most of her exams and tests had been over before Christmas, so that she actually didn’t have that much to do. Only things that she handed in were some essays and that paper for her journalism class, which was a perfect 1 again.  
  
When arriving on said spot, Carmilla was already there, sitting on the hood of her car and playing with a lighter. The student approached the woman and saw the second thing that hadn’t caught her eyes until then: a cigarette between the beautiful lips of the professor. She was wearing her leather jacket and a pair of Aviators to top off her ‘ _oh, so cooler than thou_ ’-look.  
  
  
“You make a badass bonnet mascot.”, Laura remarked, when she was close enough.  
  
Carmilla was caught off guard, but didn’t move much, she didn’t understand what the girl was referring to, “I do _what_?”  
  
“You know… Radiator mascot… The thing on your car?”  
  
“You mean a hood ornament.”  
  
“Same thing yeah.”, Laura stood there for a few seconds, making disgusting faces, because the smoke was blowing in her direction with the wind. She couldn’t really complain about that, because it was not her right to scold the brunette, because of her poor health choices.  
  
  
“Did you come here to admire my perfect jawline?”, the professor asked, even though she knew exactly what the blonde wanted from her. Laura was caught staring.  
  
“Ever the charmer, Carm- I mean _professor_ Karnstein.”, Laura corrected herself with a set of her eye roll. Carmilla chuckled at that.  
  
“Now you can call me whatever the hell you want. As of today I am not your teacher anymore.”  
  
The student squinted her eyes, contemplating, but then went with the bait, “Which brings me to my question I asked you on Wednesday.”  
  
“Which one, creampuff?”  
  
Laura frowned. There was only one time the professor had called her that, it was back when they met for the first time at the party.  
  
“What do you think… _Sweety pie_?” The blonde could have smacked herself. _Seriously? That your best attempt, Hollis?_  
  
Apparently the brunette thought the same, because she took off her sunglasses and eyed the student from top to toe.  
  
“Mockery does suit you so well.”, Carmilla chuckled. Laura smiled with her, it was weird. _They were weird_. As if the past several weeks hadn’t happened. Maybe they could go back to… Being friends? Were they even ever friends?  
  
“I think I learned from the master.”, the amateur journalist replied and saw how Carmilla flicked away her cigarette and lit up a new one. _What the hell?_ “You know, you would be much more attractive, if you wouldn’t do _that_.”  
  
“I don’t need to be attractive for anyone unfortunately.”, the dark haired woman paused for a second and retreated her first statement, “Or rather fortunately, because now I can do whatever the hell I please to do.”  
  
Laura let that one slide, she didn’t come here to take Carmilla’s baits to start a fight.  
  
  
“Anyways, care to elaborate on the whole mystery leave?”, the blonde tried.  
  
Carmilla groaned, “Eugh, right to the point, I see.”, she finally jumped from her vehicle and hit the ground graciously. And yes, even now she looked like a freaking goddess, even though she was smoking a cigarette, even though she was acting like a freaking prick.  
  
The dark haired woman approached the student, who backed away, because she didn’t like the mischievous grin on that face.  
  
“What are you doing Carmilla?”  
  
“What? Are you afraid that I am going to jump you on the middle of the day? I can control myself unlike _others_ … Relax, you got here a little something.”, the brunette motioned towards her own shoulders. Laura looked down to the spot her ex was referring to, and yeah there was a single leaf stuck in her hair. She flicked it away. _How the hell did that happen?_ (Where did that leaf come from in the middle of winter?)  
  
“Thanks.”, Laura was in an upstanding position and cleared her throat, throwing a look of expectance towards the other person. The brunette was so different again. She acted like she didn’t care for anything at all. That was good right? Better than that agitated shit. What Laura didn’t know is that Carmilla was acting all of it. She was being cold and came off unaffected, because feelings they do hurt you, when you decide to feel them. Actually the blonde ought to know better, she was master in shutting feelings down.  
  
  
“Right… I think you’ll be sort of happy for me… I mean, I don’t know, if you care, but I got some good news.”  
  
Laura’s heart picked up speed. _Good news?_ She totally needed good news.  
  
“I got a new job offer… I’d have to work completely different hours, I will have more responsibility and my classes are bigger, but the lecture part falls away and I would not be the teacher that is designated to be the substitute for all the other classes anymore, because it would be a full time teaching job… So that’s a good thing… _And I am rambling_.”, she cut herself off.  
  
The student chuckled, “That’s a good sign, it means you are excited.”  
  
Carmilla hummed, but not really in agreement. “It will be something new, a new challenge, if you will call it that.”  
  
“I’m happy for you… I mean, that way we won’t see each other that much, but-”  
  
“Laura-”, they both cut each other off.  
  
“I mean you wouldn’t be my teacher and we could be _friends_ again, without the teacher/student thing in the way and-”  
  
“Laura!”, Carmilla raised her voice and it worked, Laura looked at her deer-eyed. The brunette inhaled deeply and swallowed down, trying to come off steady and determined.  
  
  
“The job I took is not going to allow me to see you anymore…”, the professor licked over her lips, “I mean, there isn’t any reason we should meet anyways, you and I are broken up and I actually don’t want to be only your frie-”  
  
“What do you mean, _it is not going to allow you to see me_?”, Laura only concentrated on that part.  
  
“It’s not in Styria.”  
  
“But it’s in Austria?”  
  
Carmilla fixated the floor with her eyes, not replying.  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“It’s in Texas.”, the professor tossed her cigarette to the ground again.  
  
“Texas? As in the _United States, Texas_?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Laura’s eyes widened for a moment, before she could bottle up every emotion that was going to explode right on the spot.  
  
  
“Excellent! That’s great!”, the high pitched voice again, Carmilla looked up, she knew, what that meant. Laura was not doing okay with that information, even though she did everything not to show it.  
  
“Laura…”  
  
“No! Really! _That’s just really fucking great!_ I am really happy for you, this is perfect, you get to be in the States again and stuff, you never wanted to be here anyways and yeah that way you don’t have to actively ignore me anymore, because you know, I won’t be a part of your life anymore.”  
  
“Laura…”, Carmilla reached forwards, but the blonde backed away once again.  
  
Laura was breathing quickly, to hold herself up from crying, it looked like she hyperventilated, but she stopped in time to prevent blacking out.  
  
“Laura, it’s for the better. The thing with you and I-”  
  
The student glared at her ex lover and snorted, “Yeah that is a perfectly good reason to just change the country…”  
  
“It’s not only that.”  
  
“You know what? I actually don’t care.”, the amateur journalist wiped away the tears of anger (no, those were  not tears of hurt, Laura told herself) and continued, “That’s all you do. All you do is running Carmilla.”  
  
The brunette bit her lip, not really knowing what to respond to that.  
  
Laura just let out a short humorless laugh and shook her head, before turning away and heading to her dorm room.  
  
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”, was all Carmilla could utter, there was a hint of remorse in her statement, but the student decided on not letting it get to her.  
  
She stopped for a moment and looked back, “You are the one running from love this time and the ironic part is that I would be willing to run right into your arms, just to get you to look at me, but you are running in the opposite direction, away from me.”, she continued her pace and Carmilla could have sworn she heard a “ _Coward._ ” from her.  
  
…  
  
**+4367623781262:** _Laura, would you please pick up the phone?_  
**+4367623781262:** _I need to talk to you about earlier._  
**+4367623781262:** _I’d like to see you once again._  
  
The first thing Laura did, is deleting Carmilla’s number from her cell, which didn’t help much, because she still knew that it was her teacher, who texted her. And called her. For the 7th time now. She couldn’t bring it upon herself to block her number.  
  
She couldn’t deal with the situation. Okay, yes Carmilla was about to flee the country the next day and oh my god, how can one do such a thing on so short notice? Or did the brunette already know for a long time? How did this work? Why was Laura so upset about it? The teacher was right, they weren’t together, so she had no right to be cranky about that piece of information.  
  
Laura shut her emotions off (she had seen it on the Vampire Diaries). She was pretty sure though that vampires had a easier time figuring out how to flip the humanity switch. _Not that vampires existed- of course not!_ What would the blonde do now for that to be her biggest problem. Wondering about supernatural creatures instead of the fact that she probably wouldn’t see Carmilla ever again.  
  
Right in that moment the blonde decided to do the ultimate thing. Carmilla certainly didn’t want her anymore. For good now, right? Otherwise she wouldn’t just take up an job offer on the other freaking side of the world. So she should just surrender.

Laura got out her phone and started typing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions, want to chat or like to creep my person: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	28. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ominous Zeta party.  
> Will Carm see Laura again?  
> Love has its sacrifices, huh?

**Laura Hollis:** _You don’t need to explain anything Carmilla. I understand. I’m sorry for my reaction earlier, I should have supported you rather than making it about myself. I wish you all the best for your life. It won’t be necessary for us to meet again. You are right, we aren’t together and I must not expect anything from you. So, good bye. May you find your happiness in Texas. -L._  
  
  
Carmilla read the message over and over again, her mind not being able to process. She didn’t want it to end like this. That’s not how two people, ~~who loved each other~~ , who love each other, should separate. Laura blew her off, she broke her heart in the most inhumane way possible, flushing down all she was ready to give up for her down the toilet, like it didn’t matter.  
  
And yet, Carmilla understood it as her means of showing, how much she loved her in return, even if she didn’t have to say that she wished, she never had fallen in love with her. She just expressed it poorly. The brunette had thought about Laura’s actions and words intently. No, she didn’t want it to end like this, but unfortunately Laura was going to let exactly that happen.  
  
  
Carmilla glanced around her now cold apartment. The professor had most of her clothes packed up and a shipping company would take care of the other things. She had found the perfect stay in Dallas, with a good proximity to her work place. The university had helped her with the apartment she was going to rent out. The professor was really lucky in that matter.  
  
_Why didn’t she feel lucky at all then?_  
  
…  
  
“Laura, what the hell are you wearing?”, LaFontaine’s eyes were falling out of their sockets, when they entered the blonde’s room. Perry was to follow and she also cocked her eyebrows.  
  
Laura was wearing a black mini skirt and a striped crop top to top that off. Her hair was a perfect mess. If Carmilla could change herself, by changing her appearance, maybe that would help her too, she thought. The blonde needed that callous and indifferent thing going on. The meeting with her ex only a few hours ago had shaken her up (not just mildly) and now she was trying anything to forget about her heartbreak.  
  
**Love.** She had mentally scoffed. Laura Hollis does not need anything resembling to that.  
  
“Don’t I look good?”, the journalism student asked, applying some mascara.  
  
“You look great… Uh, but, Laura, honey, are you going to be alright? It’s really cold outside.”, the curly redhead said tentatively and LaF shook their head in her direction. Silent ‘ _Don’t go there_ ’.  
  
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? I’m so ready for the party. LaF, why don’t you get the Jägermeister that you got me for Christmas from under my desk? That bottle is coming to use tonight and is going to keep me warm on this cold night.”  
  
“I thought you said no exaggerating tonight?”, the bio major asked.  
  
“Are you really going to deny me my fun?”, Laura quirked up an eyebrow in question.  
  
“Okay, seriously L. Is everything alright? Did something happen with-”, they cut themselves off, looking over to Perry, “Well uh you know, your _English problem_.”  
  
“I didn’t know that you had a problem in English, Laura? You are a journalism major. Isn’t that like failing in Maths, when you are an Architecture student?”, of course Perry hadn’t caught on to the Carmilla thing and her being her teacher. Art student, go figure.  
  
“No, I _do not_ have any problems in English, LaF.”, Laura pointedly looked at her friend, “I actually got a 1 in English Lit.”  
  
“Go figure.”, the science redhead said under their breath, for which they got an annoyed glare.  
  
“I earned it.”, Laura replied, not even sure herself, if she really did. She just hoped that it was true. Carmilla wasn’t unprofessional, right? She really wasn’t.  
  
“Well, I see you are ready, can we go to the party already? I didn’t take off from work to just sit in a dorm room.”, Perry said matter of factly.  
  
“I’m totally ready. Where’s my Jäger?”, Laura asked and LaFontaine reluctantly handed said thing over. Not really happy with their own decision to having gifted it to the blonde.  
  
_Here goes the fun…_  
  
   
  
The Zeta house was full, pretty much everyone, who lived on campus was there. When Laura walked in with her friends, they immediately spotted Danny talking to Mel, a sister of hers from the Summer society. The blonde separated herself from the ginger twins and joined her redheaded ex.  
  
   
  
“Danny!”, she exclaimed to overshadow the loud crowd. It helped, because her former TA looked at her and waved frantically. She practically ran to her.  
  
“Hollis.”, the dark haired Summer member nodded in Laura’s direction.  
  
“Hey Mel! How’s it going?”  
  
They shared some smalltalk and caught up on some things, before Laura got asked, where she got the bottle of Jägermeister, which she was holding onto the whole, time from. The student of course knew, how to share. So the first game of taking shots for no reason started. Alongside other alcoholic beverages that were thrown in.  
  
   
  
“Have you seen Laura?”, LaFontaine asked their better half.  
  
“Yes, a few minutes ago she was playing beer pong with some frat boys. Those guys were all over her, I was a little worried, to be honest, but then I saw Danny with her. She wouldn’t let them touch her, right?”  
  
“No, Lawrence will make sure that they keep their paws to themselves, I’m still worried about Laura though.”  
  
“LaFontaine, sweetie, we are here to have fun. You said it yourself, Danny will take care of Laura, so let’s not dwell on negativity here.”  
  
“You are right, Perr. Let’s find something to drink that doesn’t have ‘Hangover’ written all over it.”, the science nerd said and tugged on their girlfriend’s hand. She was happy to follow them.  
  
   
  
“Hollis, you look exceptionally good tonight.”, Danny noticed approvingly (of course her eyes raked over that hot Hollis girl), she was in on a few beers and the shots of Jägermeister didn’t do so well on the ginger giant. She was tall, but damn was she a lightweight. She always admired Laura’s intake of alcohol. The blonde was a tiny miracle, when it came to that.  
  
“Thanks, Dan, you look good too.”, the journalism student winked. She’d only called Danny that, when they were together. Laura was in an extra flirtatious mode, more so than ever. The tall student smiled down at the other girl, who downed yet another shot of Jäger.  
  
“I haven’t seen you on a lot of parties recently. The last one was…”  
  
“Yeah… I remember… Me being totally not drunk and boring.”  
  
“I actually wasn’t referring to _that_ particular fact, but if you say so…”, Laura was throwing a look of confusion in, so Danny elaborated further, “It was kind of the night, where you told me to get over you.”  
  
“Ahhh, right! And? Did you? Get over me, I mean.”, the blonde looked around the room, “I mean, we are yet again in a house full of people, have you found a nice guy or girl yet? Hey, what is it with you actually? Do you now like both sexes or did you only sleep with Kirsch, because I didn’t love you back?”  
  
Danny’s eyes grew wide. Out of all the things, she thought Laura would say, she didn’t expect that.  
  
“Please tell me that you were joking right now.”  
  
Laura frowned and then shrugged, “Fine, then don’t answer me… I think I’m gonna go find LaF…”, she managed to turn around, but the tall student followed her. _Welllllll..._  
  
   
  
“Do you really think that about me?!”, Danny shouted after her.  
  
“Think what?”  
  
“That I was doing that out of- I mean… How much did you have to drink, Laura?”  
  
“Oh my god, would you stop being my dad for once?! I mean, yeah, I am drunk! Big deal! Guess there are worse things to be…” _Unloved for instance._ Danny shook her head in disbelieve. Laura had never been so blunt and cold. Something was up with her and the english student was determined to find out.  
  
“Maybe you should lay off the alcohol for a while…”, that was the wrong thing to say, because Laura whirled around with her bottle of Jägermeister, provocatively took a sip and started to say something else the redhead hadn’t anticipated.  
  
“And maybe my _fucking ex-girlfriend **s**_ shouldn’t act like they care, when they clearly don’t. You know what, get lost, go make out with Kirsch or whoever you find. Screw him, screw everyone, but let me be!”  
  
“You are an asshole, and I really don’t know, where this is all coming from, but alcohol isn’t going to solve your problem, Laura. You are right though, it is damn right that I am **not** your girlfriend and you know what? In this moment _I am really glad_ that I’m not, because you are being completely irresponsible and insane. Just…”  
  
“Hey, hey, hey, woah, what’s going on here?”, LaF suddenly interjected. Perry following them with a frown. She wished, she knew more about the dynamics between those friends. Art institute and work was really eating up her social life.  
  
“You deal with her, I’m done with babysitting someone, who so clearly doesn’t even know, how to be a little tactful.”, Danny made her way to a group of her Summer sisters, never looking back.  
  
“What was _that_ about?”, LaFontaine asked and guarded Laura to a vacant seat on a couch they shared with a couple that was explicitly making out. Tongues for display, yay yuck.  
  
   
“Everyone leaves. Am I that bad that everyone leaves me?”, Laura chuckled, “Even you’ll leave me. In two years you’ll be leaving Silas.”  
  
“Laura…”, LaF was throwing Perry a look that indicated that they needed some help.  
  
“Honey, I’ll get you some water, yes? Well not because of the alcohol of course, but you want to keep drinking right? You’ll need to drink water with it to compensate the water loss.”  
  
“Water loss?”  
  
“Yeah, how often did you go to the bathroom already?”, Perry asked.  
  
“Oh my god, you are a genius! Water! Yes! But I need to find a loo now, ‘cause man, thinking about toilets makes me wanna pee.”  
  
“Perry will take you, I’ll make sure your friend the Jägermeister is safe.”, LaFontaine took ahold of the bottle.  
  
Laura nodded approvingly and handed over her little purse that she was holding onto too and the curly friend of hers took her by her hand and guided her to the next restroom. Good thing that the Zeta house had so many guest bathrooms in the first floor.  
  
LaFontaine saw this as their opportunity. They invaded whatever privacy Laura had, well knowing that this had to be done and fished out the journalism student’s iPhone to do the ultimate thing. They wanted to call Carmilla. Maybe she could calm that raging blonde down.  
  
After figuring out that Laura had deleted her number, they opened the recent chat thread. They didn’t read the last message that was sent, but directly hit the call-button.  
  
   
  
“Laura! You called!”, the professor’s voice was hopeful, when she picked up.  
  
“No, actually it’s LaFontaine calling.”, the ginger replied and immediately they heard something shuffle on the other side of the line.  
  
“Oh my god, is everything alright!? Is she okay!?”  
  
“Yeah… I mean no… I mean-”  
  
“What now?”, the brunette was being impatient.  
  
“Physically she’s peachy, err kind of… But she’s acting out and I’m not sure, if it is of your interest or if you still care for her, but I guess you do… So…”  
  
“What? Where are you?”  
  
“We are at a Zeta party, you know in the frat house… It’s the semester closing party, we thought it would be fun to hit it off, and I really didn’t know that she was going to drink so much.”  
  
Carmilla sighed loudly, taking a moment to let the information sink in.  
  
“You still there?”, LaF asked.  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And what?”  
  
“Are you coming for her rescue or what?”  
  
“I said some things, she didn’t like. I hardly think she would want to see me right now, especially when drunk. She didn’t take my calls, when sober and won’t want to talk to me drunk.”  
  
“She needs you. Didn’t you claim to love her? Didn’t you tell her you would be there?”, the brunette exhaled audibly at that plea from LaF. She’d need to hear it from Laura, not from them.  
  
“I think she can take care of herself. If she wants to drink and act out, I can’t really do anything about it.”  
  
“She’s also being pretty crazy about everything. She jumped Danny earlier.”  
  
Carmilla hummed, not really saying anything in return.  
  
“Well, I guess you are just another useless source then. Have a good night _professor._ ”, the redhead mocked and hung up with an eye roll. That was awkward and strange. Why the hell was she being such an ass about it? Didn’t she love Laura? What kind of love was that?  
  
They of course didn’t know that it was the blonde’s own doing that held her former teacher back.  
  
   
  
Carmilla was sitting on her bed, sorting through some of her clothes again. She had them all piled up, deciding on what to really take to her new home for the first few days. The shipping company would need about a week to get the rest of her stuff to her new apartment.  
  
The cell on her bed distracted her. Laura was not doing alright. She didn’t want to make it about herself, but deep down the brunette knew, it was their encounter from earlier. Carmilla should have told her earlier, rather than one day before her ultimate take off. The dark haired woman shoved the thought aside, as far as she could, but now it was reality.  
  
Carmilla was leaving the next day at some time afternoon, without having told Laura, what she wanted her to know. She couldn’t leave like this.  
  
“Goddamnit! Of all the imbecilic, idiotic, suicidal… You just had to go and fall in love with your student….”, Carmilla scolded herself, “Oh god, you fell in love with your student!”  
  
There was only one thing she could do right now.  
  
She grabbed her leather jacket and her car keys and stormed out of her apartment.  
  
   
  
“Yeah bro, I told you the pilsener is in the basement! Get more of the kegs, we need some more stuff for all the hotties. They wanna have fun!”, a huge puppy dog told his Zeta brother. Laura was sitting on a couch and eying the guy meticulously. His eyes shifted through the party people, until he spotted the blonde observing him. The student stood up and made her way to him.  
  
“Great party, Kirsch.”, the girl commented, he clearly felt uncomfortable.  
  
“Hey Laura.”, he greeted curtly, his gaze never meeting her eyes.  
  
“I haven’t seen you in a while… But then again, I have been ignoring you for some months.”, the blonde nodded to herself.  
  
“Listen Laura… What happened last summer… I really am sorry, I thought you guys were broken up, because you know, I thought Summer Society would never cheat on anyone.”  
  
Laura shrugged, sipping on drink #12 or something, “I really wanted to hit you, where it hurts for a very long time… But can’t hold grudges for such a long time. We were friends once.”  
  
“That’s… Cool bro. I understand.”  
  
“Ey, Kirsch! We need you over here, man!”, a dark haired guy shouted from somewhere between the crowd and interrupted the interaction.  
  
“Sorry, we can talk later, if you want?”, the tall frat boy apologized to Laura, who only nodded and then he vanished. She didn’t know why she came over, but she just felt like talking to Kirsch. Her alcohol level was pretty high. The journalism student was sure, she’d black out some parts of the night. Jägermeister did that to you, if consumed in the right (=wrong) amount.  
  
Okay, the thought of that herbal liqueur made Laura squirm. She definitely needed fresh air. The student weaved through a myriad amount of party people to find her way out.  
  
   
  
LaFontaine, Perry and Danny were sitting on a sofa near the entrance hall. The ginger twins had caught on to the little contention between Danny and Laura.  
  
“Don’t mind Laura tonight, she’s not herself. Something happened and she just needs to blow off some steam.”, LaFontaine spoke to the tallest of the ginger threesome.  
  
“How many more times do I have to cut her some slacks? She acts like I’m the only one, who does something wrong. I do something wrong all the time in her eyes.”  
  
“It’s not that. I promise you, this has nothing to do with you. She just got her heart broken by someone and it’s hard on her.”  
  
“Oh? I didn’t know that Laura was seeing someone?”, Perry interjected and the science nerd wanted to swallow their own tongue.  
  
“ **I didn’t either** …”, Danny and the curly redhead’s eyes were trained on LaFontaine, who wanted to be able to disappear.  
  
To their fortune, Laura was just about to exit the frat house, “Oh look, Laura’s going outside, I think someone should be watching her…”  
  
The tall english student was on her feet, and sighed, eying the door, which the blonde had just gone through, “I’ll do it. Worst she can do is insult me a little more, but I’ll take it. I care for her too much...”  
  
   
  
Laura sat down on the stairs to the front door of the frat house. Her cup full of beer was accompanying her. The student looked into the cup, to see the reflection of the moon in it. She dipped her finger into the drink to be able to touch it. The blonde giggled to herself.  
  
“God, you are more drunk than I primarily thought.”, a voice startled her. It was so familiar, but when she looked up, there was nothing to be seen.  
  
Suddenly she felt two strong arms pull her up and she found cigarettes and leather enveloping her nostrils. Laura closed her eyes and leaned sidewards into the person, who was steadying her with their arms around her. The blonde felt something warm under her chin and sniffed the… _Oh my god!_ That was a person beside her! Her eyes shot open to be met by a beautiful frown. Can that facial expression be described as beautiful? _Ugh, whatever._  
  
“Hot leather chick!”, Laura giggled and she tipped the hand that was holding onto her beverage, causing to spill beer on the expensive leather jacket. “Oh crap, I’m so, so sorry!”, the blonde apologized and wiped at the fabric with her free hand. While she did that, she accidentally grazed Carmilla’s breasts, but that didn’t hold her up from trying to get the beer off the jacket.  
  
“It’s okay sweetheart, let’s just get rid of this, huh?”, the dark haired woman stole Laura’s cup and spilled whatever content there was left into some bushes and tossed the plastic onto the porch, where others were already were waiting to be cleaned away. It was just now that Carmilla saw Laura’s rather slutty outfit. Not that she couldn’t pull it off, but still. _What the hell?_  
  
   
  
“Hey! For _that_ you have to buy me another drink!”, Laura pouted.  
  
“This is a frat party, there is no _buying drinks_ , plus, I think we should take you home, what do you say?”  
  
“I say _no_ of course, you just got here… Do you remember the last time we were on a party? It was so much fun!”, Laura’s hands had stilled and were clinging to Carmilla’s jacket.  
  
“I do, vividly.”, the brunette got ahold of the student’s hands and got closer to her, urging her to look into her eyes, “But this time some people might find it weird, if a professor shows up to a college party, don’t you agree?”  
  
   
  
“You are pretty.”, the blonde smiled goofily, already forgetting, what they had been talking about some seconds ago.  
  
“And you clearly are drunk.”  
  
“Drunk people say the truth.”  
  
“They also tend to talk bullshit.”, Carmilla could smell the heavy alcoholic smell coming from Laura’s mouth, “Jeez, what did they give you?”  
  
“I may have downed half of the Jägermeister bottle I brought along.”, the amateur journalist shrugged.  
  
Carmilla sighed, “Laura, why did you do this?”  
  
“Because it’s fun and it helps me forget.”  
  
The brunette sighed again, not responding.  
  
  
“I want to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you the whole entire time, but you weren’t here, but now you’re here and I know that we are going through a lot of stuff with our break up, but I just really wanna kiss you…”, Laura’s eyes were lingering on her ex-girlfriend’s lips. Carmilla shook her head no.  
  
“Let’s get you home okay? I think we should head home.”, the dark haired woman said sadly and took some steps back. Laura immediately pouted and nodded, completely defeated.  
  
   
  
“If you say so, I’ll do what you want.”  
  
“Yeah?”, the brunette chuckled and led the drunk girl off the front porch and in the direction of the dormitory Laura was in. “That’s something new. You normally always try to undermine my authority.”  
  
“I do, because I love to tease you, but you love that about me, don’t you?”, the blonde looked to her left dreamily, where Carmilla was smilingly shaking her head.  
  
“ **I love everything about you, Laura.** ”  
  
   
  
What both didn’t notice is that Danny had seen the interaction between them. The redhead locked her jaws and went inside again. LaF was already on their way, because they had seen that the tall student only lingered by the door, doing nothing to rescue the drunk madness that went by the name Laura.  
  
“Ey, what about Lois Lane? She not outside anymore?”, LaFontaine asked their fellow student.  
  
“Carmilla and her are together, aren’t they?”, that was unexpected.  
  
“What?”  
  
“LaF, don’t lie to me. I just saw them acting all couple-y. Why the hell did she lie to me about this? I asked her and she lied. I asked both of them and they lied so blatantly to my face.”  
  
“Danny, you got it wrong… They _aren’t_ together… Well, not anymore… She was just here, because I called her probably…”, duh, cover blown. Laura would kill them.  
  
The tall redhead shook her head and silently joined some other people at the party. It did not matter to her if they were broken up or not, it was the fact that Laura had chosen to lie to her and be all righteous about her decisions.  
  
   
  
“Yikes.”  
  
“What’s wrong sweetie?”, Perry joined her partner and kissed them on the cheek.  
  
“Danny just witnessed Laura with Carmilla…”, it was now too late anyways. Besides, Laura wasn’t with her teacher anymore, the science nerd did trust their girlfriend with that delicate information, when clearly Laura was doing a poor job at hiding it, if Danny could gather from a quick interaction that they were somehow romantically involved.  
  
“Carmilla? As in the Carmilla from Betty’s send-off party? What is _she_ doing at Silas?”  
  
LaFontaine laughed out loud, “Perr, you should really read the Silas Gazette more often… Or spend more time at the campus… You art students really don’t see anything outside of your world.”  
  
“Well, it’s not our fault that the department for art is off campus.”, Perry felt the need to defend herself.  
  
…  
  
“Why don’t you wanna kiss me?”, Laura pursed her lips and wiggled with her eyebrows. God that Hollis girl really was intoxicated. Au revoir, memories. Hello, dear hangover!  
  
“Laura you are drunk and if you weren’t, you certainly wouldn’t want that. Now give me your keys beforehand, before we wake anyone up upstairs trying to find it. Is it in your jacket pockets or in your purse?”, Carmilla and her drunk ex were in front of the KFH house.  
  
“Fine, they are somewhere in my jacket pockets…”, Laura clearly wasn’t looking for them. Carmilla sighed and dug into the blonde’s pockets, inevitably being close to that student in that moment. Laura was eying her every move, her breath hitching.  
  
“Aren’t you cold? That jacket certainly isn’t made to keep you warm…”  
  
“You could always offer me yours.”, Laura grinned with her tongue in-between her teeth. _Gosh, why is she so beautiful?_ Even in her drunk, intoxicated state her beauty had a hold on the professor.  
  
“Chivalrous as I am, I would, but we are at your dorm already…”, Carmilla finally found the key, “And my search was successful… Come on, drunk girl, let’s get you into bed.”, the brunette held out her hand and led the girl she loved upstairs.  
  
   
  
As the dark haired woman tried to open Laura’s door. The blonde unzipped her leather jacket and giggled. Carmilla stopped midst of her doings and tried to keep Laura from doing so, by swatting away her hand (the student had been successful though). When she did that, she noticed that Laura was still wearing her bracelet. It sent an oddly warm feeling to her stomach. _Something so small..._ She did’t take it off, Carmilla thought to herself.  
  
“Shhh, you are going to wake up the people that are trying to sleep here… And you don’t want to wake anyone, do you?”, the older woman asked with an cocked eyebrow. Carmilla was again at unlocking the door and opened it few seconds later.  
  
“Ow! My beloved bed!”, Laura exclaimed and the brunette was shushing her again, covering that hyperactive girl’s mouth with her left hand, as both stepped into the dorm room. Laura’s tongue darted out and grazed Carmilla’s palm, so that she retreated her hand. Again a fit of giggles.  
  
“Really mature, Hollis.”, the teacher wiped the wet spot on her thigh.  
  
  
Suddenly there was a predatory look Laura was throwing at her former professor, who was having a hard time breathing and also controlling herself, because this couldn’t be happening. Laura was approaching her slowly, never averting her gaze from her lips. _No, this absolutely couldn’t be happening_ , because Carmilla was there to take care of her and make sure, she was safe.  
  
They hadn’t even had time for their talk, which the brunette was sure wouldn’t be happening sometime soon. Laura was too drunk to be able to memorize it properly and Carmilla needed her to remember everything she wanted to say to her. Maybe it would be of good use to tell her via phone or something, but now was just the time to take care of her.  
  
“Laura… What are you doing?”, Carmilla wanted to know, when the blonde had effectively backed her up to the door. The student was standing in close proximity to her, coming closer with each passing second. Nowhere to run, Carm, sorry! Laura came to a halt right in front of her.  
  
“Do you know, how much I love you?”, the blonde asked her ex lover (which she apparently wasn’t aware of in that moment). Carmilla sighed. It was pain, pure pain, nothing else, but her masochistic heart loved the agony.  
  
“You are drunk.”, that’s the only thing the brunette could utter, “You smell like a whole brewery.”  
  
   
  
“Well, you just smell fantastic…”  
  
“I reek of cheap beer and smokes… The former thanks to you, sweetheart.”, Carmilla was looking down to her jacket. Praise the lord for leather. No stain formula: Just wear leather everything. Really.  
  
“Still very attractive to me.”, Laura whispered, and leaned onto the brunette, but not because she wanted to do anything inappropriate for ex-lovers to do (yet), but to just feel Carmilla against her body. “What is it with you?”  
  
“What?”, the brunette whispered.  
  
“Do you think, I’ll ever get over you?”, this question broke the dark haired woman’s heart. Laura apparently was very well aware of their break up, not like Carmilla had thought. The brunette reached up with her hands and embraced the girl in a hug, urging her head to rest on her shoulder, as she drove her left hand through blonde strands of hair.  
  
“You don’t believe that _I will_ , do you?”, it was rather a statement to herself, than a question to the student.  
  
Laura suddenly moved her head and took in the scent that radiated from the professor’s neck. She traced her nose over the exposed skin and placed a chaste kiss right under Carmilla’s jaw. The brunette inhaled deeply, her feet almost sacking in that intimate moment of contact.  
  
The student faced the teacher again and eyed her lips. The dark haired woman didn’t even let herself think about it, but it was inevitable, because as Laura leaned in, she couldn’t stop her. The magic that surrounded Laura Hollis was real and came to life. The blonde’s lips gently brushed against her own and it felt like coming home again. It was, as if she’d been asleep for the past week and a half and coming to life again. This was her essence of life.  
  
However, all the good things must come to an end, and so Carmilla broke the kiss, by leaning back and eying the ceiling.  
  
“ **Laura, no**. Not like this.”, she pleaded and closed her eyes, but the girl wouldn’t have it, instead she reached up on her tip toes and kissed her again. Carmilla gave in, she obliged and again, her masochistic heart cried of joy. This was its fuel. This kept it going. Again, the brunette stopped her ex girlfriend from torturing her.  
  
   
  
“Please…”, the blonde whispered against her lips.  
  
“You are drunk and we still haven’t talked about everything and I’m leaving tomorrow.”  
  
“I may be drunk, but I am fully in control of myself… Please Carmilla… _Please, I beg you_ … Grant me this.”  
  
The professor was the one, to initiate the kiss this time, cradling Laura’s head, like a precious treasure that she just found. Giving her all in that one contact, conveying all her feelings. Carmilla was yanked forwards by her jacket, until Laura could feel the edge of her bed behind her. The dark haired woman suddenly felt, how the blonde slid her out of the jacket and also got rid of her own.  
  
The heated lip-lock continued the whole time, Carmilla forgetting about her conscience in that moment and just enjoying the soft lips of her lover, her ex-lover on her own and then it flipped a switch in her. She shouldn’t be doing this. _This was her ex-girlfriend._ The ex that she loved too much, to be using her like this. The ex that she would be leaving behind the next day.  
  
  
  
“It hurts. It hurts to kiss you.”, Carmilla shook her head, when breaking apart from the girl she worshipped once again.  
  
“I just want to kiss you.”, Laura replied.  
  
Carmilla frowned, “This is not the way I want you to remember me… Taking advantage of you, while you are drunk and possibly making you regret this.”  
  
“I need it to make my pain go away, so that I can forget you easier.”  
  
“That doesn’t work that way, if anything, this will make it even more painful…”, the brunette reached forwards, to cup Laura’s cheek, tracing her cheekbone with her thumb. “You should go to sleep.”  
  
“If I sleep, then it’ll be tomorrow sooner and you’ll be gone sooner. It’s 1 am already… I can stay up until you have to leave, okay?”, Laura asked, and Carmilla gave in, because she knew, the moment that girl would hit the cushions of her bed, she’d pass away.  
  
Carmilla had helped the blonde out of her clothes, made her drink an entire bottle of water and tucked her in, placing a kiss on her forehead, but as she turned to leave, she was held back.  
  
   
  
“Stay here.”  
  
“Laura, _I can’t._ ”  
  
“Please…”, the brunette couldn’t deny her any wishes. So she relented and got into the bed with her ex.  
  
Laura immediately wrapped her arms around her and clung to her, as if she would vanish, if she were to let go of her for just a second (which probably was true). Over and over she repeated something, before lulling into sleep.  
  
“Don’t go away… _Don’t go away_ … Don’t you know, how much I love you? Don’t go…”  
  
   
  
Carmilla was awake the full two hours Laura was sleeping on top of her. She listened to the silence, which was so loud to be heard. What an irony. It was as silent, as the vacant spot in her heart that she would always have reserved for that girl.  
  
  
“I fell asleep.”, the blonde murmured and lifted her head off Carmilla’s shoulder, “And you’re still here.”, she added a little more awake and probably surprised about the fact.  
  
“Yeah.”, the brunette whispered, as the student got up into a sitting position. Carmilla was suddenly sitting too.  
  
Laura groggily let her gaze wander through the room and then stopped at her ex girlfriend, who wasn’t wearing her leather jacket anymore. The girl noticed that she wasn’t wearing anything besides her underwear anymore and panicked for a split second.  
  
“We didn’t…?”  
  
“No, of course not!”, Carmilla replied wide-eyed, Laura simply nodded, not really sure, if she was relieved or not. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Superb, remember me to lay off the alcohol the next time.”  
  
The moment the sentence was out, Laura wished she could take it back. She was much soberer and in full control of what she was saying and thinking again, but that was an accident. Carmilla was kind enough not to mention that she most probably would not be there to remind her.  
  
_Awkward._  
  
“Wait, so what were you doing at a frat party?”, Laura’s brain really was working again. You could see that in the way she tried to cover up her semi-naked body, because duh, her ex was in her bed with her. (No, she of course didn’t have any inappropriate ideas, because she didn’t look freaking hot and…)  
  
“Your ginger friend called me.”  
  
“What? LaF?”  
  
“Yeah, they are the only one, who know about us right? Who else would it be?”  
  
“Right…”  
  
The air suddenly became thick and awkward between the two.  
  
   
  
“You didn’t have to come, I’m sure LaF was just exaggerating. I wasn’t doing too bad.”  
  
“I heard you jumped Xena.”  
  
“Xena?”, Laura let out a short laugh, “I still can’t believe that you and Danny like each other all of a sudden.”  
  
“She’s not too bad, when she’s not up in my space and telling me to back off… And I like hearing from her that she admires me. Good for the ego, I guess… To hear compliments from your archfiend.”  
  
“Don’t be so dramatic. Archfiend is a little too harsh, don’t you think?”, the student studied the facial expressions of her counterpart. Carmilla only nodded, to signify that she had heard the blonde.  
  
   
  
“Do you think you’ll be happy in the States?”, there came a hard question to answer. One that build up all the walls the brunette had within her. She needed to be cold to respond to that.  
  
“I don’t know. Would you care?”, okay no, the professor did not want to come off this distant.  
  
“How can you say that?!”, Laura asked with knitted brows.  
  
“Your text that you sent me… It seemed like you didn’t.”, Carmilla knew deep down that Laura had not meant that, but still she wanted to hear the blonde’s perception of things.  
  
Laura groaned, “Don’t always go for the obvious, Karnstein. _Dig a little deeper_ …”  
  
“Who gave you _that_ advice?”, Carmilla chuckled, but the knot around her chest tightened.  
  
“Someone, who’s view on the world changed mine, but that person seems to have lost whatever I found endearing in them.”  
  
“See, then you don’t care.”  
  
“Stop it with the passive questioning. If you want to know something from me, then ask. You damn well know that I care, you damn well know, how it breaks my heart that in a few hours there’ll be nothing left of you than a faint memory. You’ll vanish into thin air and it all will be a dream. And I fear that that’s gonna be my end. I fear that you’ll turn into my biggest nightmare.”, what Laura spoke, was nothing but the truth. This was the way she was feeling towards Carmilla’s leave.  
  
  
“We won’t get anywhere with this… You know that I have to do this…”, the brunette tried to explain.  
  
“See, _that’s_ the point. I _don’t_ see, why you have to do this.”  
  
“Maybe it’s for the better then.”, Carmilla finally got out of the bed, finding her boots and slipping into them.  
  
There was a short pause.  
  
“Switzerland, Texas. I mean I got Switzerland, but still... Always the runner, Carm, even _now_ you are running from having a real conversation. From the beginning actually, when I first told you about my feelings. **Wow**... You always run.”, Laura sighed and let herself fall down backwards, eying the ceiling.  
  
  
“Won’t you say goodbye at least?”, the brunette hesitated.  
  
The tension between them was so palpable again. Both were too hurting to enjoy the last few moments, too lost in their own suffering, to be loving to each other, showing their true feelings.  
  
“We said our farewells long ago, Carmilla.”, Laura didn’t even look in the direction of Carmilla, when the brunette backed away and left her room. She just was too exhausted, too aggravated, too hurt. Laura didn’t sign up for some idiotic, soppy heartfelt goodbyes.  
  
  
  
When Laura heard her door being closed, a tear silently rolled down her cheek.  
  
Her love story ended, before it could even properly begin.  
  
_Maybe love wasn’t worth it after all…_

 

Carmilla leaned against the door after closing it behind her, clinging to that last blip of hope.  
  
They said, _in life you always meet twice_. She just hoped that the first time didn’t count.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.
> 
> Just kidding.
> 
>  
> 
> Find me on tumblr and be a blabber with me: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	29. Laura "Heartbreaker" Hollis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Laura Hollis in 2021.  
> Laura finds comfort in her new life.  
> But, what happens when the past gets you?

Laura Hollis’ apartment, in picturesque Styria.  
  
Laura was lounging on her leather chair in her living room, nervously tapping her temple with her fingers, her other hand playing with the hem of her skirt. She had shifted around a lot in the past few minutes, the man on the other side of the room, where the kitchen was, looked her up in concern. He sauntered over and handed her a mug full of chocolatey goodness. Gosh, only that man knew, how to make it that good.  
  
“Thanks, ugh, I just love you!”, the blonde closed her eyes lazily and sighed after taking a sip. “Oh, how I’ve missed _this_.”, she pointed to the mug.  
  
“I wish, you’d say that about me, love.”, the man bent down to kiss his daughter’s forehead, “And now stop being all nervy. You will do good, darling. I lay my faith in you.”  
  
“I know, it’s just… It’s kind of my first real job after leaving university and my weird videos on my blog can’t compare to something like that. It’s a huge deal and opportunity for me… Plus I don’t even know, why they decided to pick _me_ of all the people. My German’s not even that good… **Yet**.”, Laura added the last piece of her sentence with full determination.  
  
The blonde woman had been taking a multitude of German lessons in the past two years to keep up with that language. Who knew, that something like this would actually be fun? Having lived in Vancouver hadn’t brought that much of a benefit to learning French, as for instance Montréal would have, therefore the woman finally felt at ease, being able to say that her second language now was German.  
  
“Honey, you told me that your job-description said you ought to be good at English, and who could be a better choice than a native speaker in that matter?”  
  
“Still, it’s an _Austrian_ TV-channel… Ugh… But you are right. I got this. English or German, I will blow them off their socks or something…” Confidence, Hollis, confidence. You got plenty of that. _Oh hell, she did_. She had worked on herself since those first years at university.  
  
“That’s my girl, now if you’ll excuse me, there is a cricket game I have to stream… Australia is playing against England and I cannot believe that Austria hasn’t discovered this sport yet…”  
  
Well, if someone had told her some years ago that she would be able to understand the Austrians one day, she would have laughed. _At herself_. Unashamedly so. Or you know, full of shame actually, because she was _that kind of philistine_ back then. Laura had been younger and still that naive London-girl, who was spoiled in many ways. Better to learn late than never. Or something.  
  
…  
  
Laura’s first day at work had gone surprisingly well. She was mostly behind the camera, taking in her new colleagues and getting to know them better. The blonde was going to take over a whole late night talk show held in English for a local channel in Graz. International guests from all over the world, like politicians, actors and musicians would be invited and it was Laura’s job to talk to them.  
  
When the new pseudo-TV-star finally got to take off her skyscraper-esque-heels, she sighed contently. Her carpeted bedroom floor felt like a cloud underneath her feet. Before changing up, she quickly went by her guest room to find the door open and a sleeping Mr. Hollis with a newspaper resting on his chest. She smiled at that. Her father came to visit her, because he had some business to do in town and of course she had urged him to move into her guest room for the few days he was in the country.  
  
When Laura got into her bedroom again, after making sure all the lights were turned off, she noticed her phone’s screen being lit up. She rushed over to her cell and saw the messages.  
  
**LaF:** _How’d your first day at work go?_  
**LaF:** _Any cuties?_  
  
Laura smiled and eagerly replied, while unbuttoning her blouse.  
  
**Lois Lane:** _Yeah sure if you mean all those super straight women that I work with._  
**Lois Lane:** _But work was great, I got to do some promo shoots for my introduction video they are going to play as ads._  
  
**LaF:** _Cool, when are we tuning in to see your beautiful face?_  
**Lois Lane:** _Oi, go flirt with your wife. You’ll be able to catch a live show next week on Friday._  
**LaF:** _Perry actually sent the last text ;)_  
**LaF:** _Cool, we’ll support our very own TV star of course and watch it!!!_  
**Lois Lane:** _I am not a star yet._  
**LaF:** _But you’ve made it so far._  
**LaF:** _Journalism student in Silas and now we’re here!_  
**LaF:** _Would you have ever thought that you’d make it into TV?_  
  
The smile Laura was having on her lips faltered. It was time to go to bed and not think about that comment of LaFontaine. It was innocent, and meant well, but it brought out some memories. So the blonde changed up finally and threw herself into her bed. **Sleeping?** Of course Laura Hollis couldn’t do that now. She actually wanted to be distracted.  
  
  
**Laura:** _Hey, are you still up?_  
**Laura:** _I would really need some relaxation, if you know what I mean._

 **Jen:** _Yeah, want me to come over?_  
**Laura:** _No, my dad’s at my place… Can I come over to your place?_  
**Jen:** _Sure._  
  
  
Laura arrived at the apartment complex, where her booty call resided. The dark haired woman was already buzzing her in, before she could even ring the bell. _Gosh that girl’s thirsty for some Hollis-ass_ , Laura thought to herself. When the door to her apartment opened and the brunette with the blue eyes stood there, rising an eyebrow, the blonde let out a short “Hey.”.  
  
From there on all of the encounters with Jennifer have been the same. Laura would lunge at her, grab her by whatever the hell she was wearing, and slam her against whatever surface was in reach. This time it was the wall by the entrance.  
  
“I need sex, _now_.”, the blonde huskily let out and the dark haired student gladly complied. She was enrolled in Graz university in her 3rd year, which meant that she was a little too young for Laura to be something serious. Laura didn’t do serious anyways, so perfect.  
  
  
  
“So, how was your first day at work?”, the brunette asked slightly out of breath, when Laura was already about to slide on her underwear again. The blonde turned and raised an eyebrow at the girl in bed.  
  
“Since when do we do pillow talk?”, Jennifer only shot her an annoyed glare.  
  
“I am interested in your life, Laura. You know, I am not only into the sex, because yes, that’s amazing, you are amazing, but I’m starting to feel like I am your whore.”  
  
“Well _cutie_ … You don’t always have to say yes. I told you, if you felt uncomfortable with our arrangement-”  
  
“Laura, I’m starting to think… We see each other every week now and we have a really good time… I was wondering…”, the voice was vulnerable and full of emotions…

Nope, Laura Hollis didn’t do the feelings thing.  
  
The blonde turned around fully on the bed and hovered above her fuck buddy (at least she so hoped that she only was that to her, because that dark haired girl was nothing else for her).  
  
“Listen, Jen, I like you… But if you want me to be more than _this_ … Then I’m sorry, I can’t give you more. _I don’t date._ And you… Well, you are still in college and it just wouldn’t work…”  
  
“But I’d like you to be more than just this… Maybe if you could give it a chance? I think, I may have fallen-”  
  
“No, whatever you were about to say, please don’t.”, Laura sighed and got up, “If you want more out of this, I’m really sorry. I thought I was clear about that, before we started _this_. I don’t feel that way about you. Besides… We have almost nothing in common. I’m sure, if you were to look around in your university, you’d find a cute girl or something… But _I’m not girlfriend material._ ”  
  
Retreat Hollis. Retreat!!! **ASAP.**  
  
_Ugh, quick flings that turn out to fall in love with you are so inconvenient…_  
  
Jennifer closed her eyes and bit her lip. That’s something Laura found utterly attractive about her. It was the small things that she did, like raising an eyebrow in question or sometimes during their sexual activities, when her voice got an octave deeper and husky. Or the way her hair was in slight curls after having showered.  All purely physical attraction.  
  
When it came to Jen’s laugh, it couldn’t light up the deep dark in Laura’s heart. Her stolen glances didn’t make the blonde feel secure and at home or acknowledged in that matter. The way she said her name, with that faint German accent never felt right.  
  
_Nothing felt right anymore since…_  
  
Laura’s phone went off in that moment and she thanked whatever higher power there was, that saved her from having a pseudo-break up.  
  
  
“Hello?”   
  
“ **Laura Cassidy Hollis** , where did you go at 11 pm at night!?”, a concerned Hollis, never a good Hollis. Especially, when he is using your middle name.  
  
“Dad, for god’s sake, _I am 25_ , I can take care of myself. I was just meeting a…”, the blonde’s gaze fell to Jennifer, “ _Friend_.”, at that the brunette sighed and got up to dress herself too.  
  
“You could at least leave me notes! So I don’t get a heart attack, when waking up and seeing all the lights are off, but not finding you in your bedroom!”  
  
“Gosh, calm down, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”  
  
“Good, drive safely.”  
  
  
“Listen, I gotta go.”, Laura put on the rest of her clothes and Jen was leaning on the doorframe, watching her.  
  
“Are you going to call me?”  
  
“Sure.”, the blonde was passing the other girl, when she felt a tug on her wrist. Laura looked at her expectantly.  
  
“I can still kiss you, right? You won’t feel like I’m proposing, when I do that?”, Jen asked with quirked eyebrows and Laura rolled her eyes, giving her a kiss.  
  
“I really have to go now.”  
  
“Don’t be a stranger!”, the brunette hollered behind the older woman.  
  
  
When Laura left the apartment, she was sure that she’d never return again.  
  
That’s what she always did with those foolish girls that fell in love with her.  
  
Why the hell was everything about feelings? It was only sex, goddamnit!  
  
…  
  
“I miss being in the city.”, LaFontaine stated out and looked to their partner, who was deeply in thoughts of what to order for dinner.  
  
“Yeah ever since you guys moved away, it’s been no fun.”, Laura caught her friend staring at their wife and smiled to herself. _That’s the love that just clicks. Like a key into a lock._  
  
“Well actually, now that you mention it. We will be in town next week again, Perry’s got an art exhibition coming up next week on Sunday, if you’re up for it? It’s at the Kunsthaus. We’ll be there in Graz for that.”  
  
“Oh really?”, the blonde looked at her curly friend approvingly and took a sip of water, “And you got off from work?”, that question was directed at LaF.  
  
“Everything for my Perr-bear. The new interns at the hospital are a pain in the ass, but they like the extra shifts they get to cover for me.”  
  
“I’m glad that being a doctor isn’t putting a dent to your social life, LaF.”, Laura laughed.  
  
“They are trying hard to juggle both, but I’m telling you, honey, I don’t mind, if you can’t make it to the premiere, the exhibition is ongoing. You could just swing by any time.”, the curly red spoke for the first time, because she finally had made her choice.  
  
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Perr.”, LaFontaine was looking at their partner intently.  
  
“You two are entirely too cute.”, Laura sighed and then added, “But of course I would come too. I don’t have a _highly prestigious job that awaits me on the weekends_.”, the blonde shrugged and laughed afterwards.  
  
“Don’t talk bullshit Laura, you are becoming the new star of our living room as of coming Friday…”  
  
“Yeah, I just hope that people really are going to watch me ramble on about things and asking people random questions.”  
  
“You are lovable. You have like 10 thousand twitter followers because of that blog site you had. You will be fine, Laura.”, Perry tried to calm her friend down.  
  
“I know, it’s not like me to be like this… But I am actually pretty excited and at the same time afraid… It’s just stage-fright or something.”  
  
“That would require you to be an actor, but you’re not. You get to be the real Laura Hollis, so just stick to that and everything will fall into place on their own.”, LaF assured and Perry nodded approvingly.  
  
  
  
“So, tell us about your love life… Anything _new_ happen?”, LaFontaine was wiggling with their eyebrows at Laura.  
  
The blonde woman snorted, “Yeah, I had to dump Jen… Well, you know, break off our _little liaison_ , because _someone_ couldn’t contain her feelings.”  
  
“ **Who? You?** ”, LaF asked incredulously.  
  
“No, _her_! She was all like, _oh I am in love with you Laura_ … Well I prevented her from saying that, but it eventually would have led to that.”  
  
“Oh what a poor little thing, but what did you say?”, Perry inquired, whilst wiping the corners of her mouth with the napkin.  
  
“Gee, that’s great!”, the doctor exclaimed, answering for Laura.  
  
“No, _that’s_ not what I said. You guys know that I don’t do this whole relationship thing… I had to dump her.”  
  
LaFontaine cleared their throat, “Please tell me that you at least told her this time? And didn’t just walk out of her life like you did with your last affair or whatever you want to call them.”  
  
“I sent her a text, thank you very much for reminding me.”  
  
“ **Laura!** ”  
“ **Laura!** ”  
  
Two redheads chimed in unison.  
  
“What?”, Laura said unaffected. “You guys know that I can’t deal with feelings. They always tend to cry and do emotional stuff and I would have to hug them or something, if that happens. We all know, _I am not that type of person_ that stands by and tells them everything’s gonna be okay.”  
  
“Yeah, not anymore.”, LaF mumbled, for that they earned a glare from the blonde.  
  
“I won’t have a discussion about my private life with you two. I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do. It’s actually none of your business.”  
  
“We know, honey, but we are simply worried about you, you haven-”, the artist said with a sad smile.  
  
“Don’t be. I got it all under control. Now can we go back to whatever we were talking about? Perry, what kind of art will you be displaying?”  
  
As long as there were no feelings involved, everything was under control.  
  
…  
  
Laura’s first live talk show went accordingly to the channel, everyone was pretty happy with her performance and her introduction went well. The director even came to tell Laura personally that he thought she had been the perfect pick.  
  
It was nearly 1 am, when the blonde finally got into her dressing room, her colleagues wouldn’t let her leave before properly celebrating her join into the TV world. Laura put on her wristwatch and and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were dark and there was a small smile to be detected. It all went smoothly, the guests felt at home and she didn’t have to humiliate herself by using her German.  
  
  
  
The new TV host was sleeping soundly, when her phone alarm went off. She blindly groped around her bed side table to shut the noise maker up and snuggled into her blanket. Of course she wasn’t allowed to sleep in, because…  
  
“Laura, darling… Did you forget that you wanted to drive me to the airport?”, the father spoke through her closed bedroom door.  
  
“ _Oh shit_ , I totally forgot… I’m getting ready, be out soon!”, the blonde was suddenly standing and rushing to her attached bathroom.  
  
“Alright…”, he chuckled, “I’m making breakfast, the flight’s at 12, no need to rush, love.”  
  
  
  
“Laura, darling, how are your friends? It’s a pity that they couldn’t swing by last week, when we had dinner.”, Mr. Hollis spoke, while he looked out of the car window, as the trees rushed past them.  
  
“Yeah, LaF had to pull a night shift and Perry doesn’t drive, so ultimately she was stuck at home. Public transportation out of the city isn’t that well thought out here in Graz.”  
  
“This is the reason I was so adamant about buying you this car, young lady!”, Laura’s father threw her a stern look.  
  
“I know dad, but you have to stop treating me like a child. I am turning 26 soon. If I wanted a car, I could have bought it myself… Thanks though… It’s a nice car.”  
  
Mr. Hollis sighed and shifted his full attention to the blonde, watching her intently, before he spoke, “You are indeed turning 26 soon.”, he stated matter-of-factly.  
  
“Yes, your point being?”  
  
“Darling, you are my daughter, and please believe me, I would never impose myself on your lifestyle, god forbid- but Laura, don’t you think it’s high time you started to think about settling down? You have a solid job, you live in a nice flat in the city… There is only one thing that’s missing here.”  
  
Laura knew, where this was headed, she groaned, “Alright, I’ll get a damn cat.”  
  
“Darling…”, the man sighed, “You know exactly _what_ I am talking about… A girl at your age-”  
  
“Oh don’t you dare go there now, father.”, the blonde got a little caught up, “This is so unfair… You always treat me like a child and when it comes to things like these, I am suddenly a 25-year old again? You have to decide. Either you stop being the over-protective dad or you stop bugging me about marriage, because I got news for you: **I. Am. Never. Going. To. Marry. Anyone.** ”  
  
Those harsh words seemed to silence the man. He stared at his hands in his lap.  
  
After about 10 minutes of silence in the car, the blonde brought her car to a halt. They unbuckled themselves silently and got out of the vehicle. Laura’s father took his suitcase in one hand and linked his other arm with the one of his daughter. She seemed to soften her features at this and sighed.  
  
“I’m sorry about earlier. It’s just a delicate topic. Everyone seems to concentrate on this particular aspect of my life.”, the blonde apologized.  
  
“Laura, are you ever going to tell me, when exactly you became this bitter woman? I mean, even though your problems after high school… You never were in this state. Are you still regularly seeing a psychiatrist?”  
  
The woman swallowed down any bitter words and tried to come off steady, “Yes. Don’t worry about that.”  
  
“You can talk to me, you know that right? We are here for each other”  
  
Laura chuckled sourly, “Right… Because _you_ let me help you all those years?”, she didn’t know, why all of those feelings emerged in that moment, but hell it was about time.  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“Nothing. It’s just, ever since… _She_ has died, our relationship’s been different, you know that. And I never blamed you, but you can’t just ignore your daughter for most of her teenage years and then claim to know her to be ‘better than this’, because I hate to break it to you, but _this_ is all me. Here I stand, Laura Hollis, single TV-host or whatever, stuck in goddamn freaking Austria!”  
  
The man checked his wristwatch, they still had enough time to go this over in the parking lot of the airport. This seemed to be important.  
  
“I thought you liked it here in Austria?”  
  
Laura nodded, “I do love it now, but the reason I stayed here after my bachelors was a complete different one and I am slowly starting to think that it had been a mistake. Especially now that I have a Masters in freaking Journalism, but bringing it to no good.”, the woman hadn’t noticed that she was crying. Her father abandoned his suitcase and enveloped her in a hug.  
  
“Honey, I had no idea… Why didn’t you talk to me about this before?”  
  
“Because I didn’t want to be a burden for you. You are miserable enough on your own.”  
  
“Gee, thanks.”, the father chuckled.  
  
“You know, what I mean.”  
  
“I’m always a phone call away, you know? And if you don’t like it here anymore-”  
  
Laura pulled back and shook her head, “No, I have a job, a station that wants me and I am going to make something of myself, you don’t worry about me… You have to catch a flight.”  
  
“Right darling, bid me farewell? I don’t want you to go through all the trouble and come inside the building.”  
  
“Alright dad, I’ll see you soon… If not earlier, then at least on Christmas.”  
  
“I love you, Laura, and I am very proud of you. Take care of yourself, will you?”, the man kissed his daughter’s forehead tenderly.  
  
“Of course… Have a safe flight!”, and off he was.  
  
  
Laura got settled into her car immediately and drove out of her spot, she was blinded by the sunlight and didn’t see the other black car driving past her. It honked at her, because she was so lost in thought and hadn’t checked for traffic.  
  
It was a sleek black car with tinted windows, probably some big shot business man was sitting in the back. Laura was driving behind that intimidating car and suddenly saw, how someone stuck their middle finger at her through the back window. It was a rather small hand to be the one of a business man, plus there was a huge ring with a black stone on that finger. _Great, some bitch then._  
  
“Geez! You don’t have to be such an asshole about it!”, the blonde exclaimed, even though she knew that that person hadn’t heard her.  
  
  
  
After having driven her dad to the Graz airport and sharing a rather intimate heart-to-heart talk with her dearest father, Laura decided to stop by at her friends’ house. She knew that Perry was at home and LaFontaine had gotten the whole weekend off for their wife’s exhibition. It was cute, how both always seemed to make time for each other.  
  
LaFontaine and Perry had moved to the suburbs of Graz after LaF finished their medical degree at Silas two years ago. LaF had always wanted to go to some prestigious school, but after getting together with Perry, they decided three more years at Silas wouldn’t kill them. A M.D. is a M.D., regardless of where you earn it, especially, if you are bound to stay in Austria due to your love life after that anyway. Not that they were bound to do that, but they did it willingly.  
  
They made the sacrifice happily, even though Perry had insisted they at least apply for Oxford medical school. LaFontaine got in, but decided to stay at Silas, without telling their better half about the acceptance letter.  
  
One year later LaFontaine gave Perry the letter, and as she was reading, got down on their knee and proposed, saying they would choose the future with her over everything.  
  
“Because I love you so much, I’d give up everything for you. You always say that I shouldn’t compromise, and that love isn’t meant to suppress any of the party involved, but I want you to know that a life, where I can’t be with you, my best friend, my soulmate, is not going to make me happy. I choose you, I’d choose you over every damn school in every damn country. So here I am in front of you and offering you a lifetime with me dearest Lola Anne Perry. What do you say? Will you marry me?”  
  
Of course Perry teary-eyed said yes. And they kissed and it was perfect and Laura had felt a tug at her heart. She had been happy for her friends.  
  
That was nearly two years ago and now the ginger twins were living in a cute little house just outside of the city, and were married for over 7 months now.  
  
  
  
“You were great yesterday!”, the doctor exclaimed, while pouring Laura some brownish substance into a whiskey glass.  
  
“LaF, you know I can’t drink right? I drove here with my car.”  
  
“It’s just ice tea, relax, but I won’t be stopped from enjoying a good whiskey on my day off, so you gotta at least pretend to be pretentious and drink your ‘fake’ whiskey with me.”  
  
“It’s 11:30 in the morning…”, Laura said pointedly.  
  
“Since when are you the voice of reason, Hollis?”  
  
“Seriously what’s going on? Where’s Perry?”  
  
“In the kitchen, you are eating with us today. She’s in over her head because of tomorrow… So I wouldn’t want to make her unhappy today. I’m just gonna lay back here and get a little drunk.”  
  
“Classy Saturdays LaF.”, the blonde chuckled and finally Mrs. LaFontaine stepped in.  
  
Thinking of which, Laura wondered, why they all still referred to her as Perry, when she had her last name changed after the marriage. There was no time to dwell about that though, as the curly redhead sternly talked about food and why the hell Laura hadn’t made any move to sit at the dining table yet. LaFontaine threw her a ‘I told you so’-look and both did as they were ordered. Jeez, Perry had become more intimidating after marrying LaF, because they were so whipped and let her command them to do everything.  
  
  
  
“Laura, since you are so much into interviewing your so-called cool people now and made it your job to host a talk show, how would you like to go with Perry to this event in a few days? There will be lots of new authors and indie film producers at display. Maybe you’ll get to know someone, you’d like to scoop in for one of your shows? You said you guys had a hand in this? I unfortunately can’t go, because I already bailed on my shift this weekend… So, how about you two go? You could keep my wife company. Perry is going to be there to support her friend from film school.”  
  
The blonde looked up from her food and smiled, “Yeah, that sounds nice. I would love to. When is it exactly?”  
  
“September 29, it’s a Wednesday in exactly two weeks.”, Perry answered and her tense demeanor seemed to fade away with every word spoken that was not about the art exhibition the following day.  
  
“Great, I’ll come pick you up? Tell me the details, after lunch.”, the blonde offered to her friend.  
  
“That would be very kind of you, Laura.”  
  
“It’s a date!”, Laura winked and that got the doctor’s attention.  
  
“Stop flirting with my wife, Hollis. You little heartbreaker.”  
  
Laura stuck out her tongue, “I wouldn’t dare.”, she drawled.  
  
This was it. This was all she needed. Life could go on that way. Friends you could have lighthearted conversations with on Saturdays. Enjoying fake whiskey and laughing at silly jokes. Who said you need love in your life? Laura Hollis didn’t believe in love, and sometimes it really was for the better.  
  
…  
  
Several days had passed, and the TV-host sat on her couch and went through the list of people that were going to be at the event that was 2 days away. Perry gave her that list. The artist’s connections now came to a use to Laura.  
  
People from many parts of Styria had come to the Kunsthaus to admire Perry’s art some weeks ago. Alongside some other small artists the redhead had made some more friends from film academy back in Silas, because of a certain mutual friend. That came in very handy for the blonde.  
  
Laura wanted to have a little idea on who to approach and ask about an appearance on her talk show. Luckily her co-host and her were given a lot of freedom, which meant, the studio approved of their offer to bring in someone, they wanted to talk to on camera. _Push the locals_ , Laura thought to herself.  
  
The blonde wanted to find a good indie film producer to talk to, so she googled some of the names and read through their provided bios on imdb (as far as they were present). However after a while she got frustrated. Laura wanted someone special, someone, who had hidden a deeper meaning behind their work. Maybe the authors that were going to be there, weren’t that bad?  
  
_Who am I kidding? Those are mostly newbies in their field. Never heard of them before..._  
  
Nonetheless Laura started to google some of them and actually stumbled upon quite a few interesting pieces. The blonde read through some excerpts on Amazon, and even saved some of the works to her kindle. Learning German with interesting literature seemed like a good deal.  
  
“Let’s see, Lukas Inger… Ugh, you only speak German from what I see... I can’t take _you_ to the studio, buddy…”, the blonde talked to herself and went to the next person’s name on the list.  
  
  
The sound of glass shattering filled the living room. She had let go of her water glass. _Fuck._  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide, when she read the name consecutive to the former one.  
  
The blonde’s heart rate picked up speed and she felt like fainting.  
  
She couldn’t take it, it was simply too much.  
  
**Carmilla A. Karnstein.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi, I don't bite, ~~unless you want me to~~ : [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	30. Carmilla "Broodmilla" von Karnstein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm's finally doing what she wanted.  
> Ominous phone calls and publicists, hey.  
> Somehow Carmilla's life changes drastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and tell me what you thought, love reading from you.

A diner, in windy Chicago.  
  
  
“What is Ms. Karnstein reading?”, the voice of Carmilla’s publicist and best friend Eve cut through the haze in which the brunette was currently in. Gosh, she was so invested in her reading, which was probably a little weird and embarrassing. The dark haired woman held up the book and Eve immediately chuckled.  
  
“Karnstein, why are you so worried about other people liking it, when you yourself can’t put it away?”  
  
“Well I can’t stop reading it, because I still don’t feel like it’s perfect.”, Carmilla groaned and the other woman sat across from her.  
  
“Stop the sulking, we have to talk business now! But first let me order some food, you are paying, right?”, the blonde stuck out her tongue, while grabbing the menu.  
  
Carmilla rolled her eyes, “I invited you to lunch, what do you think? Of course I am paying, I am a gentlewoman after all.”  
  
“My, my, no need to get all tensed up in here.”  
  
“Shut up and order your damn food already, I am starting to starve!”  
  
“You have enough fat to cover your whiney ass.”  
  
“Are you... Are you saying that I gained weight?”, the brunette was self-consciously checking her own body. She wasn’t the youngest anymore after all. Her twenties had come to an end. _Uh, but don’t tell anyone…_  
  
Just maybe she has been spreading rumors about her being only 25, and just maybe she had been doing that since her real 25th birthday… _However, not the point._  
  
“No honey, but a human being can go on 3 weeks without eating, that should tell you something.”, Carmilla hated that woman across her, as much as she loved her. Eve was her best friend, which was weird because the dark haired woman never had many friends (actually she had none). She always had been that kind of lonely person.  
  
  
  
Carmilla only listened to the words her publicist said halfheartedly. She was in deep thought. They were discussing her book, which was about to come out in a couple of days. It was tiring to go over every single step. The brunette was playing with the ring on her left middle finger and then stopped to take a sip of her water.  
  
“… And I have already opened up a blog site for you. There you can build up a fan base once your book has dropped. It will be a great, Carmilla! Plus I already got you that gig in Philadelphia. Your own reading session and after we’ll go on a tour-”  
  
“Eve, you are a godsend, and I appreciate everything you are doing for me, but can we please not talk business anymore? I ordered you here to enjoy our meal and go over small details, not talk on for hours and eating small portions of food.”, Carmilla interrupted her publicist too gladly.  
  
Gosh that woman could talk on and on and get all caught up in things, whereas the brunette simply wanted to have the details laid out in front of her in a curt manner.  
  
“It’s _your_ work that’s being published, honey. Get more excited!”  
  
“I am, but-”  
  
A ringing tone brought the brunette out of her sentence. She glanced to her iPhone that was resting on the table.  
  
“That’s odd… What kind of number is that? I’ve never seen that area code before.”, Eve commented on the **+43**.  
  
“It’s Austrian…”, Carmilla looked at the phone incredulously and picked up, “Karnstein spricht… Ja, ich bin ihre Tochter… **WAS**?!”, suddenly the writer was rising from her chair and looked back to the other woman, who was eying her with concern. After some other words that Eve didn’t understand, Carmilla finally hung up and sat back down. She was obviously shaken up.  
  
  
  
“What just happened? Who was that?”, the woman asked and patted Carmilla’s hand that was resting on the table.  
  
“It was the General Hospital of Graz in Styria, Austria… My mother has been taken there and they asked me, if I can come…”  
  
“What? To Austria?! Didn’t they tell you what happened?”  
  
“My mother has been in some surgery or something and they said something about urgent and life-threatening…”  
  
“But didn’t you say you and your mother weren’t close? You don’t really have contact, right?”  
  
“Yeah… It must be something serious… Or I don’t know, maybe she is just making up things to get me to go see her in Austria an-”  
  
“Okay, real emergency or not, you have to go see her.”, Eve said and left no space to deny it.  
  
“I guess… But no, the Philadelphia thing is soon, right…?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter Carmilla, we will do all of that once you get back. I mean, the whole thing with your mother really could have waited, until after your book launch, but it’s what you have to do now.”  
  
“Thanks for understanding.”, Carmilla slowly nodded, she still was processing the information provided over the phone. The word _lebensgefährlich_ was etched into her mind.  
  
Life-endangering condition.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla had done nothing but showing her despise for her mother in the past, but yet here she was. Hopping into the next available plane straight to Austria. The brunette was much older now and she saw the world with different eyes than some years ago.  
  
_Shut up, Karnstein. She’s your mother and you are better than her. You are doing this._  
  
She had grown into her personality. Sitting down and thinking about mundane things did that to you. There was a time the brunette would scribble down every single shred of hate she had in herself for her mother. For all she ever did to her. Hell, even Ell had been on the receiving end of her hate, both verbally and in written form for that matter.  
  
“What would you like to drink?”, a stewardess in a red female’s suit asked Carmilla.  
  
“A water please.”, the brunette smiled and got what she wanted in return.  
  
The woman closed her eyes after that refreshing drink. She was really on her way to Vienna now. From there she would have to catch another plane to Graz. Carmilla would arrive at Graz airport at exactly 10 in the morning local time, which meant she would be having a massive jet lag. _Sigh._  
  
After a while Carmilla opened her eyes again. She was concerned for her mother. What had happened to that endless hate? The moment she got that phone call and some guy spoke in his Styrian German accent about possible fatal outcomes, everything seemed to fade. What fatal outcomes? It was infuriating.  
  
She had tried to call her mother’s cell, but the tone indicated that her phone was off. Carmilla was really flying all the way to Europe because of vague phone calls for a woman she had spent years hating. When had she become such a softie? All along the way she had thought that her mindset had hardened and that she was being indifferent. However that was not the case at all. Even through all the bad things Renata had done to her, she felt obliged to go see her.  
  
God, it was frustrating that she was doing the right thing. _What happened to callous, indifferent, asshole Carmilla?_  
  
  
  
Upon arriving at the airport the brunette was lucky enough to get her bags immediately. She was on her way out and immediately there was a man she recognized. It was one of her mother’s designated drivers that Carmilla had called up and asked to pick her up from the airport. The dark haired woman had also called the hospital to tell them that she would be coming in. She never really had a chance to talk to her mother in that process.  
  
After greeting the man politely and handing him over her luggage (he wouldn’t take a no for an answer), they made their way out to the front of the airport, where a sleek black car with tinted windows was waiting for her. She slipped into the backseat elegantly and put on her sunglasses. She was sure, she looked like a mess with bags under her eyes that could compete with Louis Vuitton’s creations.  
  
After backing out of their spot, she felt being yanked down into her seat due to the impact of heavy breaking. Some douchebag with a white, sporty Mercedes and a ‘Drive Safe’ sticker on their bumper decided to just leave their spot without having their indicators on or checking for traffic. How ironic. _That what you call Drive Safe?_  
  
Carmilla urged the driver to honk and then pass the car. Unfortunately the action was made so fast that the brunette couldn’t make out that ass of a driver, but she wanted to show them her anger nonetheless. The dark haired woman let down her window and stuck out her left hand, flipping off the Mercedes-driver.  
  
“Fucking dick, watch your environment!”, she exclaimed, even though, she knew that the driver couldn’t hear that.  
  
…  
  
After getting settled in her hotel room, Carmilla sprinkled some water onto her face and looked at herself in the mirror. God she looked like a freaking train wreck. The woman tied her hair up in a messy bun and washed her face with some more water. That was all she did, before heading out and taking the direct tram to the hospital.  
  
  
  
“Hallo, ich bin auf der Suche nach Renata Karnstein.”, the brunette spoke in her perfect German to the receptionist, who looked her mother up for her instantly, typing away in his computer.  
  
“Sind Sie direkt verwandt mit der Patientin?”, the man asked, how she was related to said woman.  
  
“Ich bin ihre Tochter.”, Carmilla confirmed their relation with saying she was her daughter.  
  
“Raum 136, da vorne links und dann den Gang entlang.”, the dark haired woman thanked the employee and followed his instructions to get to the ominous room 136.  
  
After her pace, the woman found herself remarkably soon in front of the said room, where her mother was supposed to be in, but she couldn’t enter. Up until this point she just acted out of instinct. When someone calls and says your mother is in a life-threatening condition, you just be there. You skip countries and be there, because it is your mother.  
  
However, Carmilla and her mother didn’t have such a relationship. In fact they only started talking two Christmases ago, after the brunette had successfully cut contact with her birth giver, while teaching in Texas. And now? Now she was standing there, the perfect daughter that she was and not getting it over herself to enter.  
  
_Steady breath, Karnstein. You can do this. Open the door._  
  
  
The brunette slowly opened the door, trying to make no noise at all, so that she would be unnoticed but the room was a single bed. Carmilla stood there in the threshold for what seemed like an eternity, just observing her mother, who was apparently sleeping. She was in a hospital gown and her chest was slowly rising and falling. In those 5 years, she’d been away, she hadn’t seen her parent once. Renata had aged far too quickly, or did she always have that many grey hair?  
  
The woman displayed for Carmilla to see in that moment seemed so vulnerable and petite. The younger Karnstein dared to step in finally and closed the door behind her, trying to make no noise in process again. When she turned around to face her mother again, said woman slowly opened her eyes. She was surprised, to say the least.  
  
  
  
“Carmilla…?”, she croaked. The daughter swiftly took the glass by the bedside table and filled it with water and handed it over to her mother, who gratefully accepted and drank.  
  
“Hello mother.”  
  
“You came.”, Renata’s eyes were starting to water, as she took in the whole frame of her daughter.  
  
“Of course I came.”, Carmilla’s voice was steady, but internally she was falling apart.  
  
“You look beautiful.”  
  
The dark haired woman shook her head and chuckled, “I’ve spent my last 16 hours driving and flying here, I have bags under my eyes, I have greasy hair and you are telling me that I’m beautiful?” It was a sick joke right? Her mother had never approved of her. In any sense.  
  
Renata noticed the harsh tone in her daughter’s words, and frankly she couldn’t blame her. She decided to change the subject.  
  
  
“Where are you staying?”, it was a valid question, Carmilla just had not expected it to come so soon. They had not seen each other in a long time after all.  
  
“At a hotel in the inner city of Graz, the Mercure.”  
  
“How long…”, the woman on the bed shook her head, slightly confused, “What date is it?”  
  
That was odd, “September 18, why?”  
  
“Well, your book is coming out soon, no?”  
  
“Uh… Yes…”, Carmilla was the confused one now, “I can’t recall telling you about it though.”  
  
“Well, you told me on the phone last Christmas that you were working on it, and I might have followed your social accounts. I wanted to be the first one to have a copy in Austria.”  
  
This was much odder, to say the least. The whole situation was weird. Renata did nothing, but tell her daughter what a mistake it was for her to give up her job at UTD. All of this was only two years ago and now? Okay, granted in the last few phone calls they have had, the woman was pretty decent and nice… _Oh my god, yes she was._  
  
  
“Mother, they didn’t really tell me on the phone, what this all is about…”, Carmilla started, the mother sighed.  
  
“Nothing to worry about, my dear. Come, sit and tell me about your book.”  
  
Okay, no. Carmilla could not handle this situation. Her mother acting like a… **MOTHER?!** No, this was some weird joke. That couldn’t be true. This woman on the bed was not her birth giver.  
  
  
“Wait, you asked me what date it was… How long have you been here?”  
  
“Just a couple of days, don’t make such a fuss about it.”  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went wide, “Fuss? _Don’t make a_ \- Mother you’ve been in a hospital for some life-threatening surgery and you say I am making a fuss about it for nothing? What is it all about? I would like to know from you and not from some Styrian nutjob of a doctor.”  
  
“Shh, the doctors here are very nice, I didn’t get transferred here for nothing. It’s the best hospital in all of Styria after all…”, the woman tried to sit up a little, but there were wires attached to her chest, which held her up from doing so, so Carmilla only slipped a pillow behind her back. “Thank you dear… It was nothing really, I just collapsed and then woke up here. They told me that I have an aortic stenosis… And it has gotten worse. So they did a valvuloplasty.”  
  
“But now you are okay, right?”, Carmilla asked her mother, who didn’t meet her gaze.  
  
“No, I need an aortic valve replacement, which is done by an open heart surgery… But they do not think it would be good, because this condition of mine has not been treated properly from the start on and I might die on the operation table.”  
  
“How long have you known?”  
  
“Carmilla-”  
  
“How long have you known, mother?”  
  
“For over a year they have treated me with those blood pressure medicaments.”  
  
“And you never thought of telling me?!”, Carmilla asked incredulously.  
  
“I never thought it would progress so far. I have been doing well. I could attend my duties as a dean, it never occurred to me that it was this serious… _Besides_ …”  
  
“Besides what?”  
  
“Besides I did not know how to. You were in America and I know, how much you despise me, I was just happy that you were talking to me after all that has happened. I did not want to make it about me.”  
  
The words that Renata said were full of regret, but the brunette didn’t believe it.  
  
  
“You always have to be in control, don’t you? Even now, while on your death bed!”  
  
“Don’t be so serious, Carmilla. I am doing fine! They merely said, I _could_ die and I still don’t have decided on the surgery yet. However I am up and can talk now, so I am doing fairly well for my condition.”  
  
“Really? So well that your doctor had to call me in, and tell me something about a life-endangering condition?”  
  
“He did that, because there were some problems during the last procedure… I was just having a tiny little complication. It was just a standard move to call my emergency contact. I did not know you were coming in, before my nurse told me. I didn’t even believe it by then actually… I of course would have stopped them, if I was conscious before. It is ridiculous.”, the older woman downplayed everything.  
  
“You are connected to wires and tubes and just told me you might die during your next surgery. You don’t think this is serious? You never thought to tell your only daughter about this?”  
  
Renata sighed and closed her eyes for some seconds, “Please darling, I do not want to argue now. I am just so endlessly happy to see you. You have grown up to be a beautiful woman. I mean, you were grown up already, the last time I saw you, but you changed a lot.”, the mother smiled and opened her eyes to meet her daughter’s, “But one thing remained the same, you still have his eyes.”  
  
Carmilla blinked, she never heard her mother talk about her father in the past 7 years. Not since his passing, not like this.  
  
“He was such a sweetheart with the kindest eyes, I fell in love with them instantly. You have his eyes.”, the woman looked so fragile in that moment.  
  
Carmilla sat beside her bed to be close to her. It was such a grotesque scenery to be in. She was in Austria in a hospital beside her probably dying mother, who was nice to her. Who was saying kind things to her about her and her father.  
  
Renata sighed and closed her eyes again, a smile playing on her lips.  
  
“I think, I am tired again.”  
  
“You should rest mother, I’ll be here, when you wake up.”  
  
The mother opened her eyes again, a tear escaping, “I don’t deserve you being here.”, and with those words she slipped into a deep slumber.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was speechless. Who was this woman in front of her? This fragile, kind woman? People say that the weirdest things happen, when you know you are about to leave this world for good, but never had the brunette thought that this would happen. For all Carmilla knew, her mother would outlive all of humanity due to having sold out her soul to satan.  
  
_Easy there Karnstein. Probably shouldn’t say such things, when she really is going to die._  
  
But no, she wasn’t. She merely said that it could happen, not that it will. Doctors say those things all the time, because they make mistakes, right? They just aren’t allowed to make a mistake this time. This couldn’t be happening. So Carmilla decided it wasn’t. Her mother would be fine.  
  
Carmilla just couldn’t wrap her head around that fact. This didn’t make sense. How was her life real right now? She just really was in need of a good nap, so she made herself as comfortable as possible and curled up on her chair.  
  
Well, _that_ was a kick!  
  
…  
  
The third day at the General Hospital of Graz. Carmilla was staring out of the window. It was her favorite time of the year. Summer was ending and she could see the first signs of fall, all coming together one by one. The green of the leaves had started to change into more mesmerizing colors, before forever falling off their branch, leaving them naked.  
  
_Maybe that’s why they are called leaves_ , Carmilla thought to herself, _because they eventually all leave._  
  
  
_Death can indeed be beautiful._  
  
  
“Carmilla honey, you do not have to be by my side all the time. I’m sure you have to prepare things for your book tour?”, Renata said, when she woke up.  
  
“I cancelled the book tour to be here.”, the brunette moved from the window to the bedside, handed her mother a glass of water and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
  
“What? No, if you still have time to re-”  
  
“Stop mother, seriously. That can wait. My book comes out in 3 days and it really is not a big deal that I’m not there. My publicist is going to handle this. She’s great.”, the last part Carmilla said with a smile.  
  
“Is she now?”, the woman seemed to contemplate her thoughts, before continuing, “Are you in a romantic relationship with her?”  
  
“Mother!”, the daughter threw a stern look to the patient, “I don’t think, I feel comfortable with talking about this particular part of my life with you. _Not since_ …”, Carmilla stopped her sentence immediately. She had separated herself from that life (except she hadn’t).  
  
Renata looked somewhat sad and full of regret, “I know, I have not been supportive of you. And I am not saying I am a hundred percent fond with your choices-”  
  
“And I am going to stop you right there, mother.”, Carmilla held up a hand to signify that the other woman should stop, but she didn’t.  
  
“Please let me continue… Carmilla, I know the last time you were in Austria, we did not part in good terms and I would like to formally apologize to you.”  
  
The younger Karnstein met her mother’s gaze incredulously.  
  
“I know, I can never make up for my behaviour, especially the issue with Ms. Kostapoulos I should have handled better. And then the situation with your student. You have to understand me in that matter, because it would have been the end of your career and you know that! Ms. Ho-”  
  
Carmilla couldn’t hear her name, so she interrupted her mother.  
  
“ **Stop.** Please stop. If you want my forgiveness, I’m not sure, I can give it to you… But you don’t really have to dissect my deeply painful past now, because that’s not gonna help me. I’m here, we are talking, I have no intention of killing you with your pillow in your sleep, so let’s just go with that yeah? One step at a time.”  
  
“Very well…”, the woman nodded, “Will you tell me about your work then? And can you get me a copy from the local book store, once it’s out?”  
  
“Well I don’t think it’s coming out in Austria that soon, or at all… I think they’ll only sell the German version of it, if at all… And I am still working on the translation. I wanted to do it myself.”  
  
“Oh…”, Renata nodded, “Then tell me what it’s about.”  
  
“Well actually…”, Carmilla bent down and got something out of her purse, “This is my own copy, but I’ll leave it for you here, if you want to take a look at it?”  
  
“Of course, I would love to read your work.”, well that eagerness was unexpected, as Renata held out her hand to take it from her daughter. Carmilla gave up a piece of her soul to her mother and the strange part was, it looked like she really would be cherishing it.  
  
Renata eyed the hardcover meticulously and a smile appeared on her face. She traced the name of her daughter on the book with her index finger.  
  
“My daughter wrote a novel.”, she stated proudly.  
  
“It’s not really a novel… I mean, it kind of is and isn’t. Just… Uh, will you really read it?”  
  
“Of course I will.”  
  
Carmilla tensed up at that. Having strangers read it was something else, and also terrifying, but with her mother reading, what she had written down. It was intimate. There was also the fact that there might be something in it her mother would not want to read, but she was being kind and so supporting, it broke the brunette’s heart a little. It was like her mother was trying to make up for the last 30 years.  
  
A phone went off in that moment. The younger Karnstein excused herself and took it.  
  
  
“Carmilla Karnstein speaking.”  
  
“ _Dr. Karnstein_ , are you busy right now?”, a female voice purred on the other end of the line.  
  
“Uh no, who is speaking?”  
  
“Gosh, Carmilla. 3 days over there and you already forget how your publicist sounds like?”, Eve chuckled, “Weak, Karnstein, weak. There I thought, I was your most favorite person on earth?”  
  
“You never call me Dr. Karnstein, sorry I was expecting it to be someone else. Plus: _I_ am my most favorite person in the universe, you come after.”  
  
“Well whatever. Say, where are you staying again? Is that hotel any good?”  
  
“At the Mercure and yeah it’s fine, why?”  
  
“Because I am booking myself a room right now.”  
  
“What?”, Carmilla stood up and noticed her mother’s surprised gaze at her, “You are coming here? To Austria?”  
  
“ _No to Azerbaijan_. Silly, why else would I ask you about your hotel?”  
  
“Seriously Eve, what the hell?”  
  
“Well, since you can’t be here for your book tour, I might have organized you something over there, but I have to talk with some folks before everything is settled.”  
  
“What do you mean over here? We are touring my book here?”  
  
“No, but I want to get you into this newbie writer’s display thing. I can’t pronounce it, something in German. Just hang in there, I’m coming tomorrow, well technically the day after tomorrow, but the flight’s tomorrow. Thomas is going to take care of your launch here.”  
  
“What?! When is that thing?”  
  
“It’s on the 29th, so enough time to prepare yourself… Is your mother alright?”  
  
“Hmn yeah, I’ll tell you later about it.”, Carmilla glanced to Renata, who was already reading through the first page of her book.  
  
“Good, I’ll land around 1 pm local time, so we’ll see each other in the afternoon sometime yeah?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Bye, I’ll see ya soon.”  
  
  
  
Carmilla hurried to her mother and sat down again.  
  
“You can read it, when I’m away, you know?”, the brunette suggested.  
  
“Why of course, I just was so keen on getting a glimpse.”, the older woman smiled and put it away, “What was the phone call about?”  
  
“Eve is coming to Graz, because she has found some author’s event or something and wants to get me a spot there, so I can at least present myself here. It’s nothing, she’s just being over excited again, for all I know, this might not even work.”  
  
“She is your book agent, correct?”  
  
“Yeah.”, Renata was having a strange look on her face and Carmilla immediately rolled her eyes, “No, I really am not in a relationship with her. Kannst du wirklich an nichts anderes denken?”, Carmilla switched to German whenever she was a little too annoyed.  
  
(Translation: _Can you really not think about anything else?_ )  
  
“I didn’t say anything, now did I?”, the mother was smirking and Carmilla joined in and squinted her eyes. She never had experienced this playfulness with Renata.  
  
…  
  
“Everything went perfectly! I got you in. You just sit there and talk a little about your work, when someone asks. I heard there are some media people there, maybe we could get them to write about you or something. I brought some copies of your book with me, so we could let the people read through some pages and make up their own mind, everything’s gonna be okay.”, Eve assured her client. It was a late night and only 4 days separated them from the big night.  
  
“You know that those people are mostly gonna be Austrians right? Probably no one’s gonna be interested in my book. Other than me being born in Styria, there is no connection I have to those lackwits.”  
  
“That’s the key difference to you and any other American-based author. You are local. People will be interested in you, since you are an Austrian getting published abroad. Just trust me on that one, please?”  
  
“Ugh, have I ever _not_ trusted you?”, Carmilla rolled her eyes and drank from her beer bottle.  
  
“You have, but you’ve been proven wrong every time!”  
  
“I guess… How did the book launch go yesterday?”  
  
“It went fine, I’ll have the details in a few days. Thomas that bastard said he will give me the numbers by the end of next week or something, but what he said sounded fine. There were quite a few people interested in your book. It was a good idea to open up that blog of yours.”  
  
“Yeah, you handle it. I’ll just provide you with my info. I don’t have the headspace for technology.”  
  
“Spoken like a true senior citizen.”, Carmilla glared at her friend for that.  
  
“I’m not _that_ old you know? And you are much older than me!”  
  
“Hardly. The 3 years I have on you, I compensate with my looks and skills with social media and technology.”  
  
“Well, sometimes I wish, I was born in a different century. This new generation sometimes infuriates me.”  
  
Evelyn feigned a yawn, “Grandma.”  
  
“Asshole.”  
  
  
  
“So how was your mother today?”, Eve genuinely wanted to know.  
  
“She seemed to be doing fine. I still don’t get, why they aren’t releasing her though. She said, she wasn’t planning on doing the surgery soon.”  
  
“Maybe you can ask the doctors, when you get in tomorrow?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll probably do that… It’s just…”, Carmilla stopped herself from continuing. As much as she was comfortable with Eve, she couldn’t talk to her about the fact that her mother told her that her condition wasn’t that well. Her mother held back a lot, and she knew it, but still… She hoped that Renata would tell her, if it really were that serious. The blonde was understanding enough to not question her about it.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing… I gave her my book to read.”, the brunette instead decided to say.  
  
“Yikes.”, Eve made a funny face, “Your homophobic mother?”  
  
“It’s not like I wrote lesbian porn or anything.”  
  
The blonde shook her head slightly, “No you didn’t. But the whole lady loving thing still is prominent in your work.”  
  
“She practically begged me to get her a copy. What was I supposed to do?”  
  
  
“I actually wanna meet your mother.”, Eve suddenly announced.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I am here now, never will probably come here again and well, I want to meet the woman, who raised that dickface of a writer in front of me!”  
  
Carmilla laughed out loud, “I’ll take you with me tomorrow, she surely would be thrilled to meet you. My mother actually thought, we two were dating.”  
  
“ **Ew, gross**. I hate you too much for that.”, Evelyn snorted.  
  
“I know, me too.”, both shared the same look of disgust and then continued with their work.  
  
…  
  
It was one day before the author’s event. Carmilla and Eve were on their way through the entrance hall of the hospital, arms linked, and laughing. Some patients that were lurking through the hallway were eying them suspiciously (it’s not everyday-life you see two apparently American women giggling in an Austrian hospital).  
  
  
“Honey, you go get us some coffees, I’m going to keep Renata company.”, Eve suggested, when they almost were in front of room 136.  
  
“Since when do _you_ and _my mother_ go by forenames?”  
  
“Well your mother seems to like me very much, is that so hard to believe?”  
  
“Ugh, you’ve only met once, what is it with you and getting along with people so well?”  
  
“I’m very charming, unlike you, Karnstein!”, the blonde hollered, before entering the patient room.  
  
Carmilla just shook her head in amusement and made her way to the gross coffee vending machines. She was just about to pop some coins into the machine, when a voice from behind startled her.  
  
  
  
“ _Carmilla... Right!?_ ”  
  
“Yeah?”, the brunette slowly turned around and was shocked. The other party was shocked as well, as their eyes widened.  
  
“I don’t know, if you remember me-”, it was LaFontaine, the science nerd.  
  
“I remember you.”, the dark haired woman swiftly said, while retreating her hand from the vending machine.  
  
“I thought you were in the States, teaching diligent university students? When did you move back?”, the redhead asked.  
  
“I didn’t… My mother was admitted here, I am visiting her.”, the brunette noticed the white coat and the green scrubs LaFontaine was wearing.  
  
“The dean? Here? Why?”  
  
“She… She’s had some surgery done or something, I don’t really know much about it, but…”, the writer stopped for a second. Meeting LaF in the hospital made her feel all those strange feelings. Carmilla frowned and met their gaze and she was silently asking a question, but got one in return.  
  
  
“You _do know_ that Laura lives here in Graz, right?”  
  
  
Shock was evident on her face.  
  
Laura Hollis still was in Austria.  
  
And she was in the same city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are stoked for angst, hit me up on tumblr: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	31. In Life You Always Meet Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The event's happening.  
> Does Laura confront Carm?  
> In life you truly do meet twice.

“You _do know_ that Laura lives here in Graz, right?”  
  
“She does… **What?** ” Incredulity. Incredulity all over the place now.  
  
“So you didn’t.”, LaF nodded to themselves and scratched their forehead.  
  
“No, I definitely didn’t.”  
  
There were a million thoughts running through her brains. Laura was in Austria and in the same city as her and she just found out. All this time she had been there, she could have bumped into her and then probably die from an heart attack. Talking about sharing commonalities with your mother…  
  
“What… How…?”, the brunette incoherently uttered.  
  
“Listen Carmilla… It really is not my place to say. If you want, you can have her number and maybe call her?”, at that the dark haired woman vehemently shook her head.  
  
“No, no it won’t be necessary, you can’t tell Laura that I am here.”  
  
“Why not?”, the redhead really didn’t understand.  
  
“Because as you might recall and know, we haven’t really talked in the last few years.”  
  
Radio silence, to be exact. Since the day Carmilla had left Laura’s dorm room, there was nothing but nothing. _Except…_ The brunette had written her ex lover a letter, but never had she gotten a reply to it, so it was her answer.  
  
Unrequited love was still love, right? Even if it was hard as hell. Who was she kidding actually? If she were honest with herself, she never should have anticipated an answer, as her letter solely was about how much she worshipped Laura, and how much she regretted having to leave her.  
  
The former teacher hadn’t once mentioned to her that she would be willing to come back. Simply because she couldn’t have. Her letter was only a means of getting all those feelings off her chest. Carmilla just needed Laura to know.  
  
“But that was 5 years ago. Don’t you think she would be happy to hear from you now?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head again, “And where would that lead us, huh? I am only here to visit my mother and sure as hell won’t stay any day longer. I have my work waiting for me in the States. If I contact her… It will complicate things.”, the dark haired woman was looking at the floor.  
  
“Why? Do you still feel something for her?”, LaF asked with risen eyebrows.  
  
Carmilla’s head shot up and she shook her head (too quickly for her taste) “No, it was a long time ago.”  
  
“Good, then it would be like two old friends meeting, right?”, LaF was saying those things purposefully, to see how the brunette would react to them.  
  
That stung a little, but Carmilla didn’t know, why. Maybe because her and Laura never were friends.  
  
“Listen, ginger…”, the brunette squinted her eyes, “Dr. Ginger… I really appreciate your efforts here, but the situation between Laura and me? Was never **not** weird. I mean, common, I was her teacher back then…”, Carmilla bit her lip, “We never were in a conventional relationship, so let’s not make this more unconventional and add the ‘friends’ thing to it. She is living her life and I am living mine. Soon, when all of the things with my mother are resolved, I will go back to the States and it will be like I never have been here. Can you do me the favor and not tell her?”  
  
“Okay, I get it. Yeah, I won’t tell her.”, the redhead relented.  
  
“Really? Cause you gotta promise me that you are not going to tell Laura.”  
  
“I promise, I swear, and I think, you are right. I don’t want her all shaken up and stuff. The past is past, and you guys should focus on your future.”  
  
“Thank you.”, Carmilla breathed out gratefully.  
  
“Hey, it was really great seeing you… But I have to work.”  
  
“Of course, and I have to buy coffee…”, the brunette pointed to the vending machine.  
  
LaFontaine was on their way to vanish through some door, when Carmilla decided to ask them one last thing.

  
  
“Hey wait…”  
  
“Yeah?”, they turned and looked at the writer.  
  
“Is she alright? I mean... Is Laura happy?”  
  
The redhead’s expression was serious for some seconds, before they were pressing their lips together.  
  
“ **Are you?** ”  
  
  
_I didn’t ask to get a question as an answer, gingersnap…_  
  
…  
  
Laura hadn’t told her curly redheaded friend that she knew, Carmilla was going to be at the event they had been planning on going to. As well as the ginger twins hadn’t told her that they knew the brunette’s mother was at the hospital (along with the daughter of course). Perry hadn’t looked through the list of people that she provided Laura with, so she couldn’t have known that THAT was going to be a problem nonetheless.  
  
  
  
“You are exceptionally tense today.”, Perry remarked, when getting out of Laura’s car. The blonde had managed to get a spot right in front of the building the event was taking place in.  
  
“I’m not. Just am nervous to meet all those talented people tonight.” _Haa!!!_ She was nervous about the fact that she was most probably going to see that ex professor of hers. And ex lover. And ex girlfriend. All the _ex_ things you could possibly imagine. Also the s **ex** thi- **What?** Who thought about that now?  
  
Laura was wearing a black dress with a low-cut back, which revealed a lot of skin and accompanied it with high heels. Like _really_ high heels. The ones she always wore, when at work. It was funny, how she changed to be such a… _Girly girl_. Well, no **woman**. She was quarter of a century old after all.  
  
The blonde wondered, how much Carmilla had changed. Her fingers had itched to google Carmilla Karnstein, but then again, she was too nervous to find out the wrong things. Surprise then it was for her. Would be the brunette looking like she did 5, almost 6 years ago? Or had she changed completely? Laura hoped for the latter. Not that she wished Carmilla to be miserable or something, but she hoped that whatever charm she once had on her, was gone. Alone the information that Carmilla Karnstein was walking the same ground as her, made her feel all jittery -and _that_ meant something. And _that_ couldn’t be happening.  
  
“I told you, coming early would be fun. You can watch all the people setting things up and-”, the redhead started, while the friends were entering the building, in which the convention/party/event was. No one actually knew, how to refer to it.  
  
“Perry, it’s okay that you have to go socialize with your film academy friends. I’ll be fine, you do your thing okay? And don’t feel bad about dragging me here early. I got the best parking spot thanks to you, huh? And now go and talk to your friends, I would like to go through the author’s section.”  
  
“You are the best, Laura!”  
  
“I know, and now budge!”, the blonde shooed her friend away, who smiled at her and vanished into another room.

  
_Courage Hollis._  
  
And... A man in a tailcoat passed her with some champagne flutes.  
  
Well, then it might as well be some _liquid courage_ , the blonde woman thought, and helped herself to some bubbly.  
  
…  
  
“Evelyn! Stop!”, Carmilla paced behind her publicist, who was way ahead of her.  
  
“We are going to be late! Come on! Let’s get inside!”, the blonde motioned towards the building, they were standing in front of.  
  
“It’s just a set up, can’t you do it alone? I’ll be there in a few, promise!”  
  
“Are you going to light up a cigarette again?”  
  
“I need it to calm my nerves.”  
  
“Thought you gave up that shitty habit of yours?”  
  
“I did, I just sometimes have a real rough day and then there are things like this that weigh me down a little. I promise I’m coming, just need a few puffs.”, Carmilla reassured her publicist, who groaned, but got the message.  
  
“Fine, but if you are not in there in 5 minutes… I swear to god!”, Eve said in an annoyed tone and climbed the stairs to the building.  
  
The dark haired woman really was in need of a cigarette. The past few days had been hard on her. Renata had forbidden her doctors to talk to her daughter about her medical condition, so she still didn’t know, why the woman was in the hospital -which okay weird, why would her mother even want to keep anything from her.  
  
Then of course there was the thing with Laura. Carmilla found out that she lived in Graz, which was the most surprising thing ever. LaFontaine didn’t give away too much information, which she understood, because it was not her right to pry, especially after having them promise not to tell Laura about her being in town.  
  
Carmilla wondered, why on earth Laura would be staying in Austria after completing her bachelors degree in Journalism. There was also this language barrier, plus Laura never really particularly liked Austria… Or Styria actually. That one time they had been in Vienna, she seemed to enjoy herself. The dark haired beauty lit up a cigarette and after some time turned to one of the cars on the street, to look herself over.  
  
  
  
“Oh hell no…”, Carmilla let out, when recognizing the white Mercedes from several days ago.  
  
The very one, which cut her driver off. There was only one Mercedes with a ‘ **Drive Safe** ’ bumper sticker right? No one would ruin such a delicate vehicle with something as dumb as this, right? The brunette was keen on finding out, who the douchebag of the driver was that owned the car. It sure was a nice model. The dark haired woman let her fingertips glide along the length of the car. The interior was held in maroon leather. Perfect piece. _It would be such a shame…_  
  
“Karnstein, stop admiring expensive cars and get your ass in there, now!”, Eve’s voice cut through Carmilla’s thoughts, and the woman just sighed and complied. Another time then.  
  
The brunette laughed to herself, when climbing the steps, “In life you always meet twice. I will get you in my hands, do not worry assface.”  
  
…  
  
Laura looked around the huge room she was in, when someone from behind bumped into her, causing some bags to drop.  
  
“Gosh, sorry, I am in such a hurry and didn’t see ya!”, the blonde with a cute pixie cut apologized.  
  
“English? That’s something I hear rarely in Austria.”, Laura replied and helped the other woman with a smile.  
  
“Ditto. I am so helpless over here. Say, are you from the States, your accent is flawless.”, the woman was surprised, she picked up some strewn copies of her client’s books.  
  
“Well, I did grow up in Vancouver and London, so…”, Laura looked at the floor, realizing what she actually was picking up. Her eyes widened, as she took in the hard cover with her ex-girlfriend’s name on it.  
  
**Of Love And Fools**  
by C. A. Karnstein  
  
“What?”, the publicist asked, not knowing where the reaction came from.  
  
“Nothing, I uh… I just remembered, I have _that_ …”, Laura got up slowly, not wanting to trip, “I have that thing…”, and off she was.  
  
“Okay…?”, Eve huffed out a breath. “God, where’s Karnstein, that dickface.”  
  
  
  
Laura found the nearest restroom and locked herself up in a stall. Carmilla was out there somewhere, and she… Well she wasn’t ready yet to confront her. What was there to confront actually? She couldn’t jump her and be like _‘Hey what’s up babe, did ya miss me?’_.  
  
Actually… The blonde totally could do that. However she decided **not** to. Laura Hollis, the shy college girl didn’t exist in her anymore. She was Laura Hollis the big shot TV star for god’s sakes! (Kind of.) Although, there was an old couple, who congratulated her on her new job and said that they enjoyed her show very much. (They really recognized her!) She had murmured a shy ‘Danke’ to them and left the scene. They seemed like one of those old people, uh _senior citizens_ that just talked entirely too much.  
  
_See? Hollis, you are a celebrity of some sorts… Kind of… Ugh._  
  
The blonde got out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. She did look like a freaking model, minus the height, but even that was compensated with her heels. She was at least 5’5 now. Or something. Laura had spruced herself up extra nicely. Her red lipstick was so on point, her hair done flawlessly and falling in perfect curls and she was going to be fine, she told herself.  
  
Who was she kidding? She was Laura Hollis. Laura Hollis, the 25 year old, who was on TV.  
  
  
  
  
“Jeez, Eve, there’s not even that many people here, and you manage to bump into someone and drop my beloved books.”, Carmilla gestured with her hands and had a look of disapproval on her face.  
  
“Well, I wouldn’t have, if _someone_ …”, Eve shot her own look of annoyance to her friend, “… Wouldn’t have decided to kill her lungs with some nasty tobacco. Seriously it’s gross, you won’t get any ladies with that trait of yours.”  
  
“Who says I _want_ anyone, huh? Maybe I _do_ already have a girlfriend?”  
  
“Common, Broodmilla Karnstein would have told me, if she were seeing someone.”, the brunette glared at her friend for that nickname.  
  
“No, _I wouldn’t_ , because you would interrogate me like a crazy person about her.”  
  
“So there _is_ someone, huh?”, the brunette frowned, “Don’t be such a woman of mystery… Spill!”  
  
“Ugh, no there is no one. The last one that I was really interested in, ran away from me, remember?”, Carmilla really liked that one, even though she’d been intense at times. She could talk to her about literature and that was so pleasing.  
  
“You mean the one, who dumped you, because you mixed up her name with her best friend’s? Yeah, _that_ was such a serious relationship and how long were you together again…? Two weeks?”, Eve laughed out loud.  
  
“Fuck off.”, Carmilla sat down at a table.  
  
“Jeez, can’t I make any snarky comments about your love life without you getting all asshole-y?”  
  
“I just don’t like you being all ‘ _oh Carmilla, you are such a dating failure_ ’ to me, is that not understandable? Now explain me this thing here. I feel like I am sitting at a comic convention.”, Carmilla was gesturing around her.  
  
“Oh it’s pretty similar actually. I don’t see the difference either. This _thing_ might look a little amateurish, but it’s really cool! Have you looked around the other author’s booths? ...And now pose!”, Eve was suddenly holding up her phone, well aware of the fact that she had to catch the shy writer in surprise.  
  
“ _Hell no!_ **No pictures!** ”  
  
“Carmilla, I am taking a picture of you, and you better try to look good in it. We are going to post this on your instagram.”  
  
“What? Why? I thought you deleted that account!”  
  
“Not after I saw that you got 5k followers on it! If you would post some selfies of you there, you’d be having a lot more people following you, I swear.”  
  
The brunette groaned, “You know, you can also tell me I’m pretty in other ways.”  
  
“I know, I talked about dating before, but you and I are never going to happen, honey. Sorry to break it down to you.”  
  
“Remind me again, why you are my friend?”  
  
  
  
**Perry:** _Are you enjoying yourself?_  
**Perry:** _If you are done with your round there, I’d like you to meet someone._  
**Laura** : _I’m doing great. Coming over to you in a bit okay?_  
**Perry:** _Sure honey._  
  
  
Laura had successfully exited the bathroom and was oozing confidence again. She had walked by a couple of authors that she had looked up some days ago. Some were crossed from that list immediately, because old men obnoxiously flirting with her and then putting on that thick accent, when she told them she only spoke English was just simply -ugh.  
  
The blonde was a sneaky little thing and lied about not being able to speak German to the ones she didn’t like, because that way she could always pretend to not understand and it would become uninteresting and exhausting for them to make her comprehend, what they meant.  
  
The more author’s she passed, the more jittery the woman felt. There were definitely a lot more people in the room, but still Laura felt like just dissipating in thin air, so Carmilla wouldn’t spot her -but at the same time everything in her body begged her to go find the dark haired woman.

  
Because she was curious, what had become of the professor Carmilla Karnstein in all those years.  
  
And that was all she had to think about, when making it her mission to hunt down Carmilla’s little corner.  
  
But before she did that, she decided on joining in on Perry and her friends, because if she didn’t, it would be utterly rude.  
  
  
  
“Laura!, come over here!”, the shrill-voiced redhead frantically waved at said blonde.  
  
“Hey, _there_ you guys are…”  
  
There was a black haired woman standing beside Perry, who extended her hand to Laura. “I am Franziska.”, the woman was definitely Austrian, but her accent was alright.  
  
“Laura.”, the blonde shook the hand and she could have sworn that woman made some advances. With that sly smile and that wink thrown in. _Obvi!_  
  
Franzi, that’s how she wanted to be called (what a weird name) was a rather petite woman, maybe some centimeters taller than Laura (although... she was wearing skyscraper heels again), and had shoulder-length brownish/black hair. She was wearing glasses and her outfit wasn’t really that sexy. Plain jeans with a white t-shirt. Average woman, Laura thought to herself. However, she was getting a weird feeling out if this.  
  
“Laura here actually is pretty good with her German, aren’t you?”, the redhead cocked her eyebrows to encourage the blonde to say something.  
  
“Really? I’d like to hear that.”, Francine said. Ugh that woman was so boring and Perry was so predictable. Laura thought back to their talk several days ago. Did she really come off that frustrated? Because she wasn’t at all. Beyond satisfied bed-wise. Except… Oh crap, she had ‘broken up’ with her newest toy. (It was hard finding a somewhat acceptable girl in Austria.)  
  
_Totally not the time to think about that stuff, Hollis._  
  
“Uh, well… Es hat mich gefreut, dich kennenzulernen, aber ich muss schon leider wieder los!”  
  
(Translation: _It was nice to meet you, but I have to go now_.)  
  
_Smooth Hollis, smooth._  
  
Laura turned around and heard, how Perry was excusing herself and the clacking of her heels gave away that she was following her.  
  
  
“Laura!”, she whispered/shouted, when in reach.  
  
“Hmn?”, the blonde turned again.  
  
“You can’t just be rude like _that_ and walk away…!”  
  
“I wasn’t rude… Perry you should really brush up on your German. I was the opposite of rude.”  
  
“Well, I didn’t mean _that_. I just meant…”  
  
“You meant, it was rude of me to pass up an opportunity to be the victim of LaF’s and your idea of blind dates? Was that why I was the one asked to come here? Because it was some grand plan to set me up with _Ms. Frustrated Filmmaker_ over there?”  
  
“No! LaFontaine really has to work!”  
  
“Still, admit it. Admit that you were trying to set me up… **AGAIN**.”  
  
Perry’s face matched her hair color, “She is a real sweetheart and you always complain about how hard it is to find someone and-”  
  
“Okay, seriously?! I really don’t know, how clear I have to make myself! I don’t need help from my friends to set up my dates! I am perfectly capable of getting my own women, thank you very much, but **no** thanks!”  
  
Angry Laura, not a good Laura.  
  
The blonde vanished through the door and yanked open the first restroom door to check her face again, because now she was so ready to face Carmilla, the brooding ex-lover.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was in midst of talking about her book. Never had she thought that people in Austria would be actually interested in a book written in English, but she could charmingly assure that the translation was on its way. Plus, Eve had been right about the whole ‘Styrian kid, big in the US’-vibe. That was displayed on their banner after all. Or something resembling to that. Either way, it was embarrassing.  
  
“Karnstein, how you holding up?”, Carmilla’s publicist asked her, while placing a hand on her back.  
  
“It’s pretty great… I mean this is a whole different kind of amazing, being able to do this in my home country… Thanks for making this possible, Eve.”  
  
“Darling that was all _you_. I might have just helped a little.”, the blonde winked.  
  
“I just can’t believe that I wrote a whole book.”  
  
“Well believe it, because Thomas called some time ago and told me that it got a lot of attention amongst the LGBTQ+ community. The numbers look good, Karnstein.”  
  
“That’s great news…”   
  
“Are you deaf or what? I said a lot of attention. When is that ever a bad sign? Cheer up a little, Karnstein! You always got that stick shoved up in your ass so deeply that you can’t even feign a little happiness, huh?”  
  
“I don’t know…”, Carmilla sighed, “I don’t want to be in that one drawer for the rest of my writing life, you know? Just because this particular piece has something to do with…”, the brunette was pinching the bridge of her nose, “You know what, let’s talk about this some other time okay? Now we just enjoy this.”  
  
“Of course, you can always come to me, you know that loser, don’t you?”, Eve smiled down to her client. The writer smiled back and the other woman swiftly vanished away, amongst the crowd, to check out some of the other authors.  
  
Carmilla found the location somehow endearing. It was in the center of Graz and pretty close to her hotel. That’s why she had convinced her publicist (who was lazier than herself) to walk there instead of talking a cab.  
  
...  
  
Laura wandered amongst the tables she already had been paying a visit to, mentally trying to find the missing spots, where she thought Carmilla could be at. Her gaze wandered through the crowd that made it impossible to catch a glimpse of the ex-girlfriend, but then her search was successful.  
  
The brunette was not the first thing she saw, but the banner hanging upon her. ‘ _Steirische Autorin aus den USA_ ’ was neatly printed out and hung on the white wall behind a desk, where some books were resting. Laura recognized the maroon color from before, when she ran into that blonde woman. Had that been Carmilla’s new girlfriend? The TV host had a tingling sensation in her stomach, and it was not the good kind.  
  
Okay, maybe it all had been a terrible mistake, and she never should have come.  
  
And then something in the woman changed. People that were before blocking her view, moved away and there she was. The perfectly shaped eyebrows in a worried expression, as the woman was sitting there, picking at her shirt fabric. She was wearing her famous black leather pants accompanied with a white shirt, and probably that black blazer that was draped around the chair she was sitting on, belonged to her too.  
  
Laura didn’t even realize for how long she was staring, but it felt almost like an eternity had passed, when she suddenly saw that blonde woman from earlier again. They were talking a while. Carmilla had a pretty close relationship to that blonde -that much you could make up from observing those two.  
  
Blondie left finally and there, the coast was clear.  
  
Under different circumstances Laura would have just barged in and let out some great line, but this was Carmilla Karnstein. _Professional smug and Ms. Confidence incorporated_. As much as Laura Hollis had changed, she still couldn’t compete with Carmilla’s cool aura. She needed to prepare herself for whatever she wanted to say to her.  
  
The blonde decided to approach the table though, before striking roots and geting caught whilst creeping/staring at the author. Smoothly and without much noise she made it to some neighbor table, watching the dark haired beauty talk to some guy about her work.  
  
Fun thing was that Laura understood everything they were talking about, even though it was not in English and that made her proud in that very moment. The little victories are the ones that build up your happiness, right? **Right.**  
  
_So, off to the next victory now, Laura. You can do it. Saunter over and say something._  
  
**Now.**  
  
  
  
Carmilla shared some nice smalltalk with a fellow author, who was genuinely interested in her and her work and how living in the States had affected her writing. She answered his questions truthfully and promised to check out his work too. That was nice. The brunette never had had exchanges like that in the past, with fellow colleagues actually. This was real. She could count herself to the long list of writers now.  
  
  
„Also hast du dich doch entschieden deinen Traum zu verwirklichen?“  
  
(Translation: _So you did make your wish come true, huh?_ )  
  
  
A much too familiar voice spoke to her.  
  
_It was her._  
  
Although the voice had changed a bit, matured a bit, it was still that distinctive sound that the brunette could make out from anywhere.  
  
And it was in German.  
  
  
**Laura.**  
  
  
Carmilla's jaw clenched. She'd dreamt of the possibility of this, but never would she have thought that it would become a reality.  
  
The writer slowly lifted her gaze up. There stood this woman in her mid twenties, with long straw-blonde hair in lose waves. Her black dress, which she was wearing, revealing her knees (at least that much Carmilla could see from the position she was sitting in), the cleavage showing off her dekolleté perfectly. _Fancy, are we?_ She could have been out of a fashion magazine.  
  
She was a goddess. How could she have turned out more beautiful than she had been as a college girl? Laura had certainly aged, but not in the negative way. She had matured, her features were sharp and clear, her make up was flawless, lipstick on point, -not that she would need any of that fuss to enhance her beauty- but she was dressed to impress.

  
_Wow, just **WOW**._

  
„Laura…“, the woman in dark hair murmured, as if she wasn't trusting her eyes. This couldn't be true, could it?  
  
„Carmilla.“, a firm nod. Formal.  
  
  
Finally and at last.  
  
It was Laura Hollis, her student.  
  
And at the same time it was **not** her at all.  
  
  
The brunette stood up shakily, again not really trusting her eyes, still not trusting them, nope, because this wasn’t real. This was her mind playing tricks on her, but then something happened.  
  
  
“Hey, I’m sorry again for earlier… For running into you.”, Eve’s voice crept up from behind Carmilla and it was meant for Laura.  
  
  
_What the hell?_  
  
No need to get caught up in that now.  
  
Why in the world would Laura Hollis be at this event to begin with?  
  
  
“Don’t worry about it, I was the one standing in the way probably, I’m Laura Hollis by the way.”, the blonde politely extended her hand to Eve, who shook it with a smile.  
  
“Evelyn Barker, publicist of this wunderkind over here.”, she grabbed Carmilla by the shoulders after shaking hands with Laura.  
  
“Hey, can you give us a minute please?”, the brunette asked of her friend, who eyed that situation with more suspicion now, but nodded, vanishing through the crowd again.  
  
  
Carmilla noticed that Laura still hadn’t really said something. Well to her at least. Only that first sentence. Which- wow, since when did the blonde speak German? That was impressive, and the grammar was perfect. Her pronunciation… Well the best she could muster considering she wasn’t native and was brought up in Canada and England.  
  
She was alone with her former student and sweetheart.  
  
  
  
Laura cocked an eyebrow and spoke again, “What, we see each other after almost 6 years and you decide to just stand there and say nothing?” Well, someone could read minds.  
  
_Cocky, are we Hollis?_ All of her former thoughts and worries had dissipated, as she saw, how nervous Carmilla had been and how surprised she was that she was standing in front of her now. Of course she had seen the way the brunette had checked her out some minutes ago. She did dress to impress after all.

  
“Laura…”, again, a surprised tone, “What are you even doing _here_?” Spoken, as if the floor they walked on, belonged to her.  
  
“Funny, I came to ask _you_ the same thing actually.”, the blonde chuckled. Oh god, she was so beautiful and Carmilla could have melted right on spot. Her heart wasn’t beating normally anymore.  
  
“Well… As you can see… I wrote a book. And this is an event for authors after all, no?”  
  
“I _can_ see that, but I actually meant, why you are here in Austria, Carmilla?”, Laura was pretty formal throughout the whole encounter. It was as if she was here for the information only. Carmilla could see, that it was in no interest to check her out or whatsoever (little did she know, that Laura had done that before).  
  
“Now I could ask you the same thing again. If you remember, _I asked you first_.”, a cat playing with a mouse.  
  
The semi-celeb wanted to respond, when someone from behind recognized her as one.  
  
  
  
“Sie sind doch die vom Fernsehen!” (Translation: _You are the one from TV!_ )  
  
“Ja.”, the blonde replied curtly, not leaving Carmilla’s gaze, who was surprised and cocked an eyebrow at her. Laura reciprocated the gesture and finally tore away her eyes and smiled at the intruder. It was a man around 30, well built and not bad to look at. Not Laura’s taste after all, too masculine.  
  
“Wusst’ ich’s doch! Ich schau’s mir echt gern an!” (Translation: _I knew it, I really like to watch you!_ )  
  
“Danke, freut mich, wenn es Ihnen gefallen hat.” (Translation: _Thanks, I’m glad you like it_.)  
  
As the guy made no effort to move away, Carmilla decided to step in.  
  
“Ich möchte echt nicht stören, aber ich muss mir die Dame kurz ausleihen!”, the brunette extended her hand to Laura, who hesitantly took it and eyed her suspiciously.  
  
(Translation: _I really wouldn’t want to intrude, but I have to borrow the lady for a moment!_ )  
  
  
  
Somehow the writer gestured her publicist, who was luckily staring at her direction in that moment to take over for a second and dragged Laura with her. She was holding Laura Hollis’ hand and it felt… **Right.** Well of course, because her left hand was holding onto her right hand.  
  
_What a dumb way to shove down your feelings, Karnstein…_  
  
  
  
“We won’t be disturbed here…”, the brunette let out in a whisper, when reaching a backroom and letting go of her ex’s hand.  
  
Laura let her gaze wander to the ceiling. There was a crystal chandelier hanging down, glistening in the many different spectres the light was shining in.  
  
“And now again… _What the hell are you doing here_ …?”, Carmilla had a burning desire to know everything. She had too many questions and they didn’t only consist of initial smalltalk you have with someone, you haven’t simply seen in a while. They went much deeper.  
  
She wanted to know, how she had managed to turn so beautiful.  
How she could be so rude and put the sun to shame, with her beauty so divine. How the hell she managed to…  
  
Carmilla shook her head and reluctantly averted her gaze to the crystal light above them, where Laura’s eyes were at. She was still not saying anything.  
  
“I found out you were going to be here.”, finally the blonde goddess in front of her spoke. Both looked at each other at the same time, Carmilla drew in a sharp breath, while Laura came off so cold and distant. They were distant, not only mentally, but also physically.  
  
Ever since Carmilla had let go of her former student’s hand, they seemed to be parted by miles, although all she had to do was to reach out, and she would be able to touch her, but she couldn’t.  
  
  
Laura wasn’t hers, and then again she was so hers.  
  
She was hers to love, hers to want, as if she’d marked her all those years ago.  
  
It was of course only a silly dream of hers. Some comforting sentiment spun in that foolish brain of hers.  
  
  
“Why did you find out…? Did LaF tell you?”  
  
Laura’s eyes widened and her brows knit together. _Oh, fuck._  
  
“LaF knows about you being in town?”  
  
“I… Yes… Uh… We sort of ran into each other…”  
  
“When?”, Carmilla pressed her lips together, no intention to reply, so Laura tried again, “When, Carmilla?”  
  
“A couple of days ago… It really was nothing.”  
  
“But why wouldn’t LaF tell me about this?”, the blonde shook her head, not quite comprehending the situation.  
  
“Because I told them not to.”  
  
  
**Boom.**  
  
Laura’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
  
Carmilla’s explanation came to follow almost instantly to that revelation.  
  
  
“I wasn’t sure, how long I was going to stay here… And well…”  
  
“So… Gathering from your answer, I can safely conclude, you knew that I was here, and you chose not to contact me?”  
  
Damn, that Journalism degree came to use now.  
  
“Well… Yeah, I _did_ know… LaF told me that you were in Graz, which-.”

  
  
“Carmilla?”, Eve was suddenly peeking through the door crack and interrupted them.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I need you out there. People actually want to speak to the author and not to some woman, who has no idea, what she is talking about… A little help would be appreciated… Since it is _your_ book.”  
  
“Yeah… Right… I’ll be right out.”  
  
Eve was throwing her a look, “ **Pronto.** ”  
  
“Just give me sec!”, the blonde nodded and the ex-lovers were left alone again.  
  
  
  
Carmilla turned to the blonde again.  
  
“Listen… Laura… I can imagine you have a lot of questions…”, the brunette actually had many of her own, “Would you… _I mean_ … Would you like to grab a coffee with me sometime?”  
  
It really wasn’t a good thing to do. Laura really only wanted to see Carmilla and then vanish out of her life again, but she suddenly was so eager on finding out about her ex’s life and all those years she hadn’t seen her. It was probably dumb and self-destructive, but hell, Laura loved this tingling feeling, which was so borderline nauseating and freeing in the same time.  
  
  
“Give me your phone, I’ll type in my number.”, Laura asked for said device.  
  
“Have you changed it?”  
  
“Well no.”, the blonde didn’t need to change it, since she had been living there for the past 7 years.  
  
“Then I still have it.”, the dark haired woman smiled gently and looked back to the door, “I really should…”  
  
Laura nodded, not really being able to process that last part. Carmilla made her way to the door, turned once again, thinking for a second, if she could say this now, but then she went with her guts.  
  
  
  
“You look breathtakingly beautiful tonight, Laura.”  
  
Again, something that set Laura’s body on fire. She could do nothing, but to watch her ex lover vanish through the door, and back to the event.  
  
_Fuck, what are you doing? Going on a coffee ~~date~~ meeting with Carmilla Karnstein? This can’t be happening! This was not planned at all…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have tumblr, ya know? [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	32. Of Love And Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm finds out what her mother hides from her.  
> Do you happen to know a Laura Hollis?  
> What one question can ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beforehand I wanted to mention:  
> Never forget that this is fiction and not 100% accurate info I am providing here, even though I always try.  
> Although I know about the laws/procedures here in Austria, this here doesn't necessarily have to be 100% correct.  
> Because sometimes I have to bend the rules for fiction (We also bend the rules in the real field, but no one admits it... So...)

“Karnstein, how are you feeling after yesterday? I mean, it wasn’t as cool as it would have been in the States, but how did it feel to be one of the many talented people in a room full of published writers?”, Eve wanted to know from her client. They had been doing some sightseeing in Graz and were having lunch afterwards.  
  
“It was pretty great… Got to meet a lot of cool people there.”, Carmilla absentmindedly ran her hand through her hair and stared off to distance. Eve wasn’t sure, if she could ask, but then decided that she’d known her friend long enough.  
  
“So… Who was _that blonde_ yesterday?”  
  
“Who are we talking about?”, the brunette knew exactly, who they were talking about.  
  
“Cute, dashing smile, elegant creature.”, Evelyn drawled.  
  
Carmilla chuckled, “Elegant creature, uh huh…”  
  
“Well?”, the publicist was expecting some juicy story, “Who was that? It seemed like you two knew each other.”  
  
“You are not mistaken. We do go way back.”  
  
“A little more specific please? Usually you tell me all about your conquests.”  
  
“She was… Well… A little more than that.”  
  
“Fuck, Karnstein, are you gonna let me pull everything out of your nose or are you finally gonna tell me?”  
  
“Well… _She’s Laura_ … She and I dated back when I was a teacher here.”  
  
“Oh? You never mentioned a girlfriend while teaching in Austria.”  
  
“Yeah, it didn’t end well…”  
  
“God, is she that lying bitch you told me about?”  
  
“No, _that_ was Ell… Laura and I were together after my mistake with Ell.”  
  
“And?”, gosh that woman was nosey and curious.  
  
“We were in love and everything was perfect. She was nothing like Ell. Laura is…”, Carmilla noticed that she was just about to rave about her ex, so she stopped herself, “Well, we were good together.”  
  
“Why didn’t it work then?”  
  
“Because life happened, I moved to the States, she was here, finishing university.”, Carmilla didn’t want to tell her friend about her mother’s involvement in this. For all Eve knew, Renata had only been bad with the Ell-thing. She didn’t even know that Renata had been the dean of students at Silas University.  
  
Eve really liked her mother and Renata seemed to enjoy her company. The publicist had even asked Carmilla, if she had been exaggerating, when telling those horrendous stories about her parent, because she only got to know that kind woman she was now.  
  
Eve frowned for a second, “She was still in university, when you two were dating?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“So let me get this straight, you dated a student, while you were a teacher?”, the blonde looked at Carmilla, who was suspiciously quiet, “Please tell me she was enrolled in _your_ university…”, the dark haired woman still wasn’t saying anything, “And please tell me that you… Oh my god, she was _your_ student, _wasn’t she_?!”  
  
“ **Shhh!** ”, Carmilla’s eyes widened, looking around, if anyone had picked it up.  
  
“Oh my god, Karnstein you dirty little…”, Eve was shaking her head and laughed and noticed the other woman’s faltering expression, “What happened?”  
  
“What do you think? Something like _that_ always comes out in the end… And we had to break it off.”, it wasn’t a lie actually.  
  
“But you loved her? You didn’t fool around with her, because you wanted some fresh meat to play with?”  
  
“Your analogies are so spot on sometimes…”, the brunette narrowed her eyes, “But yes, _I loved her_.”  
  
“My, my this is a rather intricate affair, you’ve had going on there… What about now? Did you feel anything, when you saw her last night?”  
  
Carmilla bit her bottom lip, “No and I honestly don’t know her anymore. She wasn’t at all the person that I used to know. I mean, they say people change in the course of time right? But still…” Of course she fell for her all over again, even though her indifferent attitude was pretty prominent. On the other hand she was pretty grateful for that, because Carmilla would have thought an encounter with her ex lover would contain a lot of crying and accusations and shouting. Sometimes people do really get unresolved issues out of their system without having a final talk.  
  
“Would you want to find out? I mean, if she could fall in love with you again, or you with her?”  
  
“She most certainly _wouldn’t_ …”, the brunette shook her head, “And I most probably _shouldn’t_ , because I have my home in Chicago. She lives here. It would be a catastrophe, if something were to ensue.”  
  
“Yeah, you are right… This wouldn’t be a good idea. I need you back in Chicago with me.”  
  
“However, I actually wanted to meet her for a coffee or something and you know, talk about us. Just as good old friends. I am interested in her… As in, what has become of her, you know?”  
  
“Sure, but… Just be cautious, because you don’t seem to be over her.”, Eve could see directly through the author’s words. They were good friends after all.  
  
They both finished their meal in silence.  
  
Carmilla hadn’t found the courage to text Laura about getting coffee yet though, partly because she thought, she didn’t deserve to intrude in her life and mostly because she was nervous as hell. Laura would be waltzing right in in that life she had now and it would be fatal. This time though just for the brunette, of that she was sure. The blonde had no feelings anymore for her as it seemed to her.  
  
…  
  
_Carmilla Karnstein still has my number saved in her phone._  
  
This thought had been hunting the blonde for the past 24 hours. It was something this simple and yet pretty powerful. Laura was pretty sure, if the situation was the other way around, she would have deleted her number.  
  
No hard feelings here, but she just wasn’t so fond with seeing her ex’s name every time she opened the contacts. That’s what she had thought, when she had deleted her ex’s old number (just maybe there was a little anger involved in it too). Then again, C comes before L in the alphabet.  
  
  
  
Laura drove straight home after her tiring day at the station and curled up on her couch with a cup of hot cocoa. It was the last day of September and the cold was catching up with Austria. The degrees dropped to 15°C and that meant autumn was really moving into the country.  
  
Which ultimately led the TV-host to go buy her favorite hot chocolate from the little coffee and tea store around the corner. Laura sat there for a while, before getting her cell out of her pocket and unlocking it, typing in a message for her ginger friend.  
  
Carmilla let slip something the night before and she was actually pretty mad at LaF for not telling her that they had met. However she didn’t let the anger drive a wedge between her and the doctor, she rather wanted to solve the problem in an adult manner.  
  
  
**Lois Lane:** _Hey LaF, can we meet some time this week, would like to talk to you._  
  
**LaF:** _I have to work from 12 tomorrow, can come by your place shortly before that._  
**Lois Lane:** _Great, come by whenever, I’m free until 3 anyways._  
**LaF:** _See ya then, Hollis._  
  
  
Good, one problem solved, sort of. The next one was the fact that Carmilla hadn’t still contacted her. If she were honest to herself, she wouldn’t have either, so that she wouldn’t come off too eager. The brunette was probably busy, hot-shot author and all.  
  
Laura groaned. Why on earth did she think it would be a good idea to meet her ex again? What was she thinking? That they would chat about old times and be like ‘ _Remember the times we made out in the university? Fun times, eh?_ ’… The blonde sighed, when taking another sip of her hot beverage.  
  
Whatever thought she was having, vanished. She had to clear the issue with Carmilla as soon as possible. They were strictly platonically engaged and it was good that way. Maybe it would come to good use to Laura. Her ex seemed to be happy with her life, and she was too. Why couldn’t there be a normal meeting without awkwardness? She could do that. The blonde nodded to herself in approval. This was going to be an innocent meeting, if she even would have the time to see her.  
  
Author’s lives probaby were busy.  
  
And then it hit her again. Holy crapsticks! Carmilla had written a freaking book. Although she had realized it and duh- that was her reason to be at the author’s display… Carmilla Karnstein had written a freaking book and Laura was keen on getting her hands on a copy of that. However that could wait, she would ask her ex girlfriend about it, once she met her. Yeah that was her plan.

_If Carmilla decided to text her at all that was…_  
  
…  
  
“How’s Perry?”, Laura asked her ginger friend, who was lounging on her couch in their scrubs. Ready for work and all.  
  
“Fine, she’s busy. With her art exhibition being a success, she has this new client, who wanted some individual art piece by her.”, LaF was handed a cup of coffee, “Thanks… So what did you want to talk about? Your text yesterday sounded so mysterious.”  
  
“I… Well…”, Laura took a sip of orange juice and set it aside.  
  
The doctor immediately had an idea, what it was about, “If this is about the set up thing, I swear to god Laura, I didn’t encourage Perry with this one. She did that all by herself.”  
  
“No, that’s not what I wanted to talk about, but seriously… Tell your wife to back off. I really thought about leaving her there after she did that.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry. She’s just… Perry, you know? She cares for everyone too much and she’s just worried that you’ll end up alone and-”  
  
“LaF!”, Laura interjected their rambling. _God, being friends for 7 years really rubs off._  
  
“Right, sorry, totes not something you wanna hear, got it.”  
  
  
“Good. So I actually wanted to ask you why the hell you didn’t tell me that you ran into Carmilla.”  
  
Okay this was something, the redhead hadn’t expected at all, as their eyes widened. They remained quiet for a while.  
  
  
“And? How do you explain yourself?”, Laura had her eyebrows risen in expectance.  
  
“I didn’t want to butt in. You guys have your own world there and she asked me not to tell you and she was completely reasonable, because she said, she was going to vanish soon anyway.”  
  
“But you are my best friend. How could you not tell your best friend that her ex is in town?”  
  
“Hold on a second, how do _you_ know that she is in Graz?”  
  
“I ran into her on that author/filmmaker convention, She wrote a book and was there because of it... Who knows why…”, Laura shook her head, “So not the point! The question is, where did _you_ meet her? You hardly are in the city anymore, except for work.”, the blonde wanted to know.  
  
“I really don’t know, if I should tell you this and-”  
  
“LaF!”, jeez, Ms. Hollis could be demanding.  
  
“I met her at the hospital.”  
  
Laura frowned, “What was she doing there?”  
  
“Her mother is sick, Laura. I mean, I don’t know what exactly she has, but it’s apparently something serious, if she’s here all the way from the States?”  
  
Of all the things, Laura never would have thought that _that_ was her reason to be in Austria again. The blonde let herself fall back to her couch, more and more deflating with every moment that passed between them.  
  
“Did you guys talk?”, LaF wanted to know.  
  
“Yeah…”, Laura stared at some spot on her floor, “We actually had plans on meeting… Or at least I think so. She didn’t get back to me. I mean, do you think she will contact me? I know it has only been one day, but-”  
  
“Woah, Hollis!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Since when do _you_ get all excited and jittery, when a lady doesn’t contact you right away?”  
  
“I am not!”, Laura defended herself and slapped LaF’s shoulder, “It’s a little different don’t you think? She and I have a history together.”  
  
“Yeah a history of _illegally sleeping around_.”  
  
LaFontaine earned a glare for that, “You know that it wasn’t about _that_ at all.”  
  
“Yeah, unfortunately I do.”, they sighed and finished the coffee in one go -which, **ew**.  
  
“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
“Laura, she broke your heart… You both broke each other’s hearts, and then she went off to some other country and since then you have become… **You** … And I just really hope that you don’t go and hurt yourself more than necessary. Carmilla’s gonna eventually go back to the US and you have everything here. Don’t forget that.”  
  
“You are acting like I’m all over her again. **I’m not.** ”, the doctor cocked their eyebrows at that, “ **I am not**. I don’t see her that way anymore, besides, wouldn’t you want to know about someone and how their life’s been after you haven’t seen them for such a long time?”  
  
“I just hope you know, what you are getting yourself into.”  
  
“Relax, I’m a big girl now.”  
  
“If you say so…”, Laura only nodded assuringly at that.  
  
  
  
“Speaking of which… _Someone’s_ having a birthday coming up.”  
  
Laura groaned, “Eugh, don’t remind me. Some people at work have already asked me, if I wanted to celebrate. I hate the attention I gained from all this semi-celebrity crap.”  
  
“You could come to our place and have dinner with us? I even have the day off. It’s a total coincidence, actually, but Perry and I wanted to have a date night anyways. You could tag along!”  
  
“That’s really nice of you guys, but I don’t wanna play third wheel on my birthday.”  
  
“Well, offer stands, Hollis.”, LaF checked their watch, “But now I gotta go, save some lives and clean after the messes my boss leaves behind.”  
  
“Have fun with that, weirdo… Don’t kill anyone!”  
  
…  
  
“Hey, Renata, how are we feeling today?”, a much too happy Evelyn came through the door with her arm linked with Carmilla’s.  
  
“Oh, you two did not have to visit me today! Although I am enlightened to see you! Did you have fun sightseeing?”, the question was directed to the blonde.  
  
“Right, I forgot that _you_ are the lost daughter…”, the brunette chuckled, “I’m just gonna stand by, until you two are finished with your chit-chat.”  
  
“Oh Carmilla, are you jealous again?”, Eve teased and the dark haired woman stuck out her tongue.  
  
“Is _that_ how grown up women behave these days?”, Renata asked and immediately Carmilla’s face faltered and she averted her gaze to her mother’s. Suddenly the woman began laughing. “Oh, dear lord. Why so serious? You two come here now and tell me everything about your day!” Carmilla relaxed again and pressed her lips together.  
  
“Actually, I’ll let you two talk alone for a sec, I just got an email… I need to talk to the head office for a second…”, the blonde was already holding her phone, “Excuse me…”, Eve exited the room quietly.  
  
  
  
“Did you have fun today?”, the mother wanted to know.  
  
“Yeah we did… Eve was nagging me about seeing you here though…”, Carmilla inhaled deeply and continued, “I have to ask you something anyways…”  
  
“Yes dear?”  
  
“How serious is it mother? For real now. Because you’ve been in the hospital for over two weeks now, and…”, Carmilla massaged her own forehead, “I’m really starting to worry. You said there needs to be another surgery done, but can’t you be at home for the time you have to wait for it… Or I don’t know…?”  
  
Renata sighed and managed to sit up, she held her hand out for Carmilla to take it, who hesitantly did what was expected from her. After a while the older Karnstein spoke.  
  
“I will not be released so soon, I fear. I have an infection, that is, why I am hooked to those drug infusions. Those are antibiotics.”, Renata motioned towards the clear fluid that was running into her veins the whole time, “Once that is taken care of, we will see, how my health is and then we will decide on whether or not I can have the surgery.”  
  
“What is that surgery anyway?”  
  
“They will have to replace my aortic valve. The valvuloplasty they did on me, hasn’t helped to recover it. My valve is permanently damaged. At least that’s what the doctor told me.”  
  
Carmilla didn’t understand anything anymore, “But the new surgery is going to help? If you get a new valve, everything’s gonna be fine?”  
  
“If I survive the surgery, yes. My infection has made my general condition worse.”  
  
“ _If you survive_.”  
  
“But this won’t be a problem, dear!”, the older woman smiled. Her daughter was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t seen through the fakeness.  
  
The words ‘if I survive’ echoed in her head a multiple times, before she focussed on her mother again.  
  
“Now… I actually wanted to talk to you about this too, but you beat me to it. Even if we are not expecting it, we have to be prepared… Carmilla, I need you to listen now intently: I have met with my lawyers and set up _my will_. You have to-”  
  
“I uh, need some fresh air.”  
  
The brunette let go of her mother’s hand that she was holding since the beginning of the conversation and turned around to leave. She couldn’t listen to the words that were to follow the initial ones. She didn’t want to hear it. Why was there a need for setting up a will, if she was going to be fine? Carmilla ran out of the room and managed to get herself to the reception, a young nurse was sitting there in front of one of the computers.  
  
  
  
“Hi, excuse me, but can you look up Dr. LaFontaine for me? I really need to talk to them.”, Carmilla forgot that she was in Austria, but the woman seemed to understand. She nodded and did, what was asked of her.  
  
“Upstairs, in the 4th floor. Just ask the secretary there.”  
  
“Thanks so much!”, she rushed to the elevator and waited for it to come. After getting in, she pressed the button for the 4th floor, taking steady breaths. Her mother could not be dying, she could not be… She had to be sure of it that she was not...  
  
  
  
Eve got into Renata’s room and immediately the absence of a certain brunette was evident.  
  
“Where’s Carmilla?”, she asked the woman on the bed, who was lost in thoughts.  
  
“… She just needed some fresh air… Evelyn?”  
  
“Yeah?”, the blonde approached the patient and sat down on the chair beside her.  
  
“May I ask you a question?”  
  
“Of course, shoot.”  
  
“Is my daughter happy? I mean, did she find happiness in her life? I am not referring to her job, because I know, she will be doing just fine in that field, but is there someone, who cares for her?”  
  
“Where is this coming from, Renata?”  
  
“I have lived 59 years. I never really believed in god and I don’t know, what is going to happen after I pass, but before that happens, I need to know, if my daughter is going to be alright. I need to be certain of it. Can you help me with that?”  
  
“Of course, I’ll always have her back. I’m her best friend.”  
  
“She always had her partiality for blondes.”, the older woman chuckled and sighed.  
  
“Uhm… No… Well… If you are referring to _me_ , then no. Carmilla doesn’t see me that way. Besides, I don’t see her that way either, we are strictly platonic.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
  
  
“Well, I didn’t want to bring down the mood with talks about death…”, Renata smiled gently, “Tell me, how was that event you two attended?”  
  
“It was great actually… Carmilla got a lot of positive feedback and a few local newspapers have hit her booth. There’s a fair chance that our publisher will contact the Austrian bookstores to pick up her book.”  
  
“That’s wonderful news!”, mother Karnstein was genuinely happy for her daughter.  
  
“Yeah… You’ve been reading Carmilla’s book… How did you like it so far?”  
  
“Well, I haven’t come very far… As of late I have been feeling rather tired. But the pages I got to read were interesting.”, what a choice of words, “I never had imagined her to be so graphic with descriptions.”  
  
  
  
Eve smiled, letting the words sink in for a moment. She was weighing out, if she could ask Carmilla’s mother what she had in mind, without being too nosey, but she just went with it, “Do you happen to know a Laura Hollis?”  
  
The brunette’s eyes went wide, “Who?”, she feigned ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, ignorance was… Perfect for that situation.  
  
“ **Laura Hollis** … We ran into her on that event actually and I heard that they had quite the history and I just was curious, because you are her mother and back then you did have contact… That maybe you would know about her…”  
  
Renata only shook her head, well aware of the fact that she shouldn’t jeopardize the relationship she had with her daughter further. She had her back finally, she couldn’t lose her now, not so shortly before parting from the world. Not over this, because she knew, Carmilla had her reasons for not telling Eve, so she respected her daughter’s wish.  
  
“I wouldn’t know anything, dear.”  
  
Renata eyed her daughter’s book, which was resting on her bedside table and thought about it. Now everything added up in her mind. Never in a lifetime had she thought about the possibility of what was now forming in her mind, but she was outrunning that exact ‘lifetime’. This was her way to make her daughter happy. It could be her means to make amends.  
  
_She made it her last will to bring joy into her daughter’s life._  
  
…  
  
Carmilla took a deep breath, when entering the 4th floor, she was just about to go to the reception there, but a voice called after her.  
  
  
“Carmilla? Were you looking for someone?”, it was the ginger, thank god, no need to seek them in that maze of a hospital.  
  
“Yeah, I was looking for you actually…”  
  
“Oh? Why?”, LaFontaine was clearly surprised.  
  
“I need you to look into my mother’s medical records and tell me, what she has, because I know, she is just messing with me and I need to know for sure, how serious this is.”  
  
“This isn’t something I can just do.”  
  
“Well… I am the only family she has and she has to tell me right? If she is going to die, she has to tell me or at least you guys! You doctors have to tell me, if my mother dies.”  
  
“Not necessarily no, the law in Austria says we as doctors have to respect the patient’s wish, if he or she decides not to tell anyone. I’m sorry.”, the redhead apologized and managed to smile.  
  
  
  
Carmilla just remembered something in that moment, “Listen… If Laura is a little crabby to you the next time you see her, it’s because I couldn’t hold my stupid mouth and asked her, if she knows from my stay in Austria from you… I really thought you had told her, that’s why I-”  
  
“You should really think a little more intently, before you make accusations.”, LaF was smiling smugly, “How could I have known that you would be at the author’s display?”  
  
“Wait, how do _you_ know about all of this now?”  
  
“Laura and I have talked about it this morning, and we are okay. Don’t worry about it, Carmilla, I would have thought the same, if I were you. It was too much of a coincidence for you both to be at the same event. “  
  
At that the writer brightened up a bit, “You’ve seen her today?”, Carmilla could call her too, she could just call her and she could see her… God, but she was just such a fool.  
  
  
  
“Oh! Dr. Shirazi!”, LaF suddenly rushed to a man, who was wearing a tie and a shirt underneath his white lab coat. He looked important and intimidating. They talked a little bit and then Dr. Ginger decided to stroll right over to the author again.  
  
“Okay, so that guy you saw, was my boss and I asked him about your situation… If you want, we could go to your mother and ask her, if she is giving me oral consent.”  
  
“Oral consent? To what?”  
  
“Well, do you want to know about her condition? We could go downstairs and ask her, if she is willing to share it with you? I’ll go with you to answer all your questions you might have once your mother tells you what she has or lets me tell you what she has. Either way.”  
  
“If she won’t tell me, what is the use of you coming down there?”  
  
“Sometimes a person in a white coat makes people change their minds. It’s worth taking a shot right? You wouldn’t know my persuasive skills.”  
  
“Okay…”  
  
  
  
“… No way! And then Carmilla dived into the pool naked, while all of those guests were at your party??”, Eve laughed out loud and Mrs. Karnstein joined her in.  
  
“My daughter has always been one for the headlines. Imagine, how furious I was back then.”  
  
“Well that’s understandable! Even I would be furious, if my hypothetical daughter would do that.”  
  
“Her father jumped right in with her in his suit and wrapped his coat around her, so no one would get to see her fully unclothed body… He loved her very much and was always by her side to play her hero…”, the older woman reminisced.  
  
  
  
Suddenly the door was yanked open and in came said daughter and Dr. Ginger with her.  
  
“Good evening ladies, I am Dr. LaFontaine, resident at this facility here and I would like to talk to you, Mrs. Karnstein, **Sir** …” (The redhead was still intimidated by their former dean.)  
  
“Carmilla, what is going on?”, the woman asked her daughter. Good, LaF thought, she didn’t recognize them.  
  
“Miss, can I ask you to step outside for a bit?”, the doctor addressed it to Eve, who complied -even though a little suspiciously.  
  
  
“I brought Dr. LaFontaine here to go over the details with me about your condition. Please tell me what’s going on now, mother…”  
  
“This is against the law, you can’t force me to… You can’t give her any information without my approval!”, Mrs. Karnstein was getting angry.  
  
“I know, _I can’t_. That’s why I am here. I came to get your oral consent… Your daughter has asked me to look into your medical records and I know that I cannot do that… But she is upset, because she cares for you and she just wants to know the truth.”  
  
Wow, Carmilla remembered them to be the most reasonable and calculating one of the dimwit squad, but now in action, it was quite clear, why Laura and LaF were still friends. They were caring, and even though they didn’t know Carmilla that well, they were trying hard to help her out.  
  
Renata sighed and finally seemed to give in, “If it will calm her down… Tell her… I give you my consent. You can look up my medical records.”  
  
“Good, I’ll be right back.”, LaFontaine left the room.  
  
  
  
Silence filled up the room.  
  
“I need you not to get upset by this, Carmilla and I need you to promise me not to hate me. _Not to hate me more than you already do_ , please.”, the brunette in the bed said after a few minutes.  
  
“I just finally want to know, what is wrong and how bad it is.”  
  
“Okay… So…”, LaF was entering the room again, with a tablet in their hand and typed something in, “Ready?”  
  
“As ready as I can be, yeah.”, the younger Karnstein answered.  
  
  
  
“Name and date of birth please.”  
  
“Renata Karnstein… June 6, 1962.”  
  
LaF was typing in the information and when the file appeared, they clicked on it and began reading. After some time, they went and checked the label of the drug infusion Renata was hooked to and nodded. They were clearly thinking intently.  
  
“What kind of complication was there after the valvuloplasty? It says, that there was nothing during the procedure-”  
  
“I wouldn’t know, I just know that there is an infection in my body, which stops me from getting the valve replacement surgery.”, Renata clearly was holding back.  
  
“Let me check that…”, the redhead clicked some things, then they exhaled sharply. Carmilla didn’t know them too well, but that wasn’t a good sign.  
  
  
  
“Well what is it?”  
  
“The infection you are talking about… It’s in your heart. That’s what we call a bacterial endocarditis… You might have gotten it during your valvuloplasty, it is most likely of nosocomial nature… Your doctors, they don’t know for sure, but everything leads to that.”  
  
“Great fucking doctors!”, Carmilla let out bitterly.  
  
“Hey, my colleagues work really hard in their field. Give them some credit! This is something every hospital has to deal with it. Sometimes people forget that _we are not gods in white_.”  
  
  
  
The brunette didn’t find it in her to apologize, but decided to pick up on another subject, “But what can you do about it now?”  
  
“Well, your mother’s doctors have administered antibiotics…”, the redhead averted their gaze to Renata, “Correct?”  
  
“ _You_ are the doctor here, you know better than me… Just tell her already. Tell her what the problem is!”, Mrs. Karnstein urged the young resident, who bit their lip.  
  
“The bacterias that are residing on your mother’s valve, and causing the infection… They are penicillin resistant, which means Dr. Klaus had to go to the second hand treatment, but it’s not working that well. And her heart will eventually fail, because she still is in need of a valve replacement… In comes the endocarditis, which is another key factor... If the antibiotics don’t do their job properly...”, they exhaled deeper than before, “I’m really sorry Mrs. Karnstein.”, the redhead apologized sincerely to the patient. They knew, what that would mean and that the possibility was high.  
  
“It’s alright dear, nothing I didn’t know already…”, the brunette looked up to be met with her daughter’s eyes. They were hollow and she was looking above the bed, fixating a spot on the wall.  
  
“How long does she have, if it doesn’t work?”  
  
“I can’t really say. It depends on the bacteria and the symptoms really…”, LaF was approaching Renata, “Did you have any symptoms resembling fatigue, fever or a general feeling of uneasiness?”  
  
“I have been feeling exceptionally tired these days, yes.”, Carmilla still was staring into blank space, taking in everything.  
  
“What about pain?”, the redhead asked.  
  
“Yes, it occurs, but I really can’t say, when it’s there or not. It is fleeting and persistent at the same time and seems to be everywhere, I thought this was an outcome of the procedure.”  
  
“Okay and I need you to-”  
  
  
  
“I’ll be right back.”, Carmilla ran out of the room, and saw how Eve was typing something in her phone outside of the room.  
  
“Hey, what’s goin- **Carmilla**?”, the brunette ran past her and into the next restroom she could find and locked herself up in a stall. Her forehead rested against the cool door and she was having trouble breathing.  
  
This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t. This couldn’t. This was not her life. Just a silly dream.  
  
_This was just a nightmare. Everything just had to go right this time._  
  
“Wake up, wake up, wake up, goddamnit.”, she whispered to herself.  
  
…  
  
LaFontaine was tying up Renata’s gown after some examinations and dared to talk about Silas University.  
  
“I uhm. You probably don’t remember me, because you surely had to deal with a lot of students, but I graduated from SU two years ago.”  
  
Renata was eying the doctor and suddenly she nodded, “Oh yes, you were always seen with that artist.”  
  
“Right…”, they knew about her being _Mrs. Disapprovingness_ in that matter.  
  
  
“You were pretty close friends with Miss. Hollis too, correct? Laura Hollis? She graduated in summer 2019 with you.”, that question left LaF speechless -but only for a moment.  
  
“Uh, yes, actually we are still close friends. She lives here now, in the city.”, the redhead was skeptical now. Where was she going with this?  
  
“That is rather fortunate… To make such good friends in university, that is… Can I ask a favor of you?”, the woman in bed asked her momentary doctor.  
  
“Of course.”, no one could deny a (probably) dying patient’s wish.  
  
“Could you tell Ms. Hollis that I would like to see her?”  
  
LaFontaine’s eyes grew wide. Never would they have thought this to happen. **Like ever.**  
  
…  
  
Laura was on her way out, when she almost ran into the person that was standing in front of her door.  
  
“LaF! What the hell? You scared me!” Well _that_ was two days in a row for them.  
  
“I was just about to knock… Is now a bad time?”  
  
“Well, I have to get to work soon and wanted to go grab breakfast, if you’re up for it?”, the blonde was playing with her apartment key in her hands.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll join you for a coffee.”  
  
“Great, let’s go!”  
  
  
  
“How can you eat so much sugar in the morning? Don’t you get sick or something?”, the redhead asked with a semi-disgusted face, when Laura was about to take a bite off her chocolate-filled croissant.  
  
“LaF have I ever denied sugar? My body wouldn’t function without it. It works for me like vitamins for normal people.” _Ugh, ew, fruits!_  
  
“You should totally come by the hospital sometime for me to do some tests on you.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks, but I think I’m gonna pass. I’m never gonna set foot in a hospital deliberately.” Ever since her mother’s passing, the blonde had a fear of going to the hospital. _Bad things happen there._ Plus there was this other incident, when she’d broken her arm whilst trying to climb a tree. She’d been seven and the nurse had been rather harsh with her, while bandaging her up.  
  
“Might want to rethink your last sentence.”, LaF uttered and eyed their pitch-black coffee.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I actually came to ask you something… Well for someone else…”  
  
“What?”, this got Laura’s attention.  
  
“I went to examine Mrs. Karnstein yesterday.”  
  
“Carmilla’s mother?”  
  
LaFontaine rolled their eyes, “No, her aunt. Of course her mother!”  
  
“Okay? How’s the evil witch doing?”  
  
The doctor frowned and shook their head, “Don’t say that Laura…”  
  
“God, you are too good. Why is she in the hospital anyways? Did she orchestrate that whole being-sick thing, so that Carmilla would come see her?”  
  
LaF decided to ignore those rather crude comments (the blonde was not at fault there, she didn’t know), “She asked me to tell you that she wanted to see you.”  
  
“What?” Laura was eyeing her friend in bewilderment, “Why the hell would _she_ want to see _me_? How does she even know that I’m in near range?”  
  
“I told her that we do have contact and that you live in the city.” _Great, LaF. A real bro there._  
  
“That doesn’t explain, why she wants to see me. And quite frankly, LaF, _what were you thinking_? Going on and telling her about me? God knows what that woman has planned to bribe me or threaten me with. I’m sure it’s because she found out that I saw Carmilla three days ago. She probably still has people following her daughter or something.”  
  
“I don’t think she’s up to something bad.”  
  
“LaF, have you not been in SU with me? Were _you_ not the one, who told me yesterday how much of an impact that whole story with Carmilla had on me? Because I’m pretty sure, you remember that it was Renata Karnstein’s doing. If she really thinks that she can lure me into some wicked trap-”  
  
“ _She is probably going to die._ ”  
  
  
_Silence._  
  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, “No she’s not.”, she shook her head.  
  
“ **She is** , I have seen through her medical records and it doesn’t look peachy at all. You cannot orchestrate something like that.”  
  
There was only one thing going through Laura’s mind in that moment, “How is Carmilla? _Does she know_?”  
  
LaF nodded and pressed their lips together, “She reached out to me, and ask me, if I could help with convincing her mother to tell her, how serious her condition is, because she wasn’t going to tell her. Well, Carmilla’s not doing so well with it, as you can imagine.”  
  
“ _Oh god._ And I am sitting here and saying all of those horrible things…”, the blonde suddenly took the sugar container and poured some over her shoulder.  
  
“What the hell?”  
  
“This brings luck, right? I’ve seen people do it here.”  
  
“No, you have to do it with salt-”, the redhead closed their eyes and exhaled, “Which is so not the point… Well, are you going to see her?”  
  
“I…”, Laura thought for a second, “Why would she want to see me?” _Again, why, why, why?_  
  
“I dunno? Maybe apologize to you? She has gotten pretty mushy and soft, I mean you should have seen her… She isn’t that intimidating glamazon anymore. It’s sad.”  
  
Laura nodded and remained silent. Her appetite had vanished.  
  
  
“So? Still haven’t given me your answer...”, the doctor eyed their friend thoroughly.  
  
“I have off from work at 3 today, and can come by after? How are the visiting hours for non-relatives?”  
  
“They are until 6, so that won’t be a problem…”  
  
“Okay. Yeah, then I’ll swing by after work.”  
  
…  
  
Carmilla woke up with sunlight hitting her face. She had stayed over in the hospital once again. The woman, who gave birth to her was peacefully sleeping in her bed. Who knew, how many days she had left with her mother. It was a strange thought. Yet again, she wasn’t realizing it fully.  
  
_The mother she never had, appeared out of nowhere, just to be ripped away seconds after..._  
  
  
  
The dark haired woman had waited patiently for Renata to wake up. She watched, as some doctor came to check on her meds and stats. The older Karnstein was now open about her dying process and even got some painkillers to better the pain. How did something like that work?  
  
Carmilla wondered, how it was, to know that you are dying, when you are fully conscious. Didn’t that make you frustrated all along? To live and to know that you could pass away at any time? To be able to breathe and function and knowing that you will lose all of that soon. It was the 21st century for god’s sake! _How could modern medicine fail so badly?_  
  
  
  
“Darling, don’t make that wrinkly face, or the creases will never vanish again. You are not the youngest anymore. Take care of that face.”  
  
Carmilla snorted and scooted closer to her mother’s bed, “So, after waking up, you can’t control the inner monster that likes to criticize me. _Noted._ ”  
  
“Have you stayed the night? _Again?_ ”, the mother was surely not approving.  
  
“I don’t see the point in going to the hotel and sleeping there, when I could also curl up here without any problems. Saves me the taxi fare.”  
  
“But you certainly are in need of a shower. How late is it?”  
  
“Something around 1 in the afternoon.”  
  
“Have I been asleep for so long?”  
  
“Yeah, there were doctors checking up on you, but it’s normal they said… With the… Uh…”, Carmilla knit her brows and swallowed down, with her gaze on the floor, “You know… Just don’t exhaust yourself. Rest.”  
  
“That also applies to you, dear. Please Carmilla, go to your hotel, take a shower, freshen up, I will certainly not die in the few hours you are away.”  
  
This comment was not intended to do that, but it caused tears to well up in Carmilla’s eyes.  
  
“Darling, **no**! You won’t cry in here, not over _this_. It was just a silly joke. Go stand up and get yourself cleaned.”  
  
The younger woman suppressed a sob and nodded, “Yes mother, I’ll see you in a bit.”  
  
  
Carmilla stood up and leaned down to kiss her mother’s cheek.  
  
She had never done that so willingly before.  
  
…  
  
Laura was fidgeting with her keys, while sitting in her parked car in front of the hospital. She hated those places. Plus, she was going in there to see her ex-girlfriend’s mother. Where she could also run into said ex. Who also hadn’t called her yet. Which she couldn’t really blame her for. _Shut it out, Hollis._  
  
The blonde had sent LaF a text that she was at the entrance hall, and they were free fortunately, so they came rushing down to guide their friend to Renata’s room. Once there, she was left on her own.  
  
Laura took in a deep breath and entered. Some crappy show from before her time was playing on TV and Renata was apparently watching it, with a smile on her lips. At first she didn’t notice the intruder, but then the blonde cleared her throat. The patient’s eyes grew wide.  
  
  
“Ms. Hollis. I didn’t expect you here.”  
  
“Well, LaF said, you wanted to see me, so I came.”  
  
“Dr. LaFontaine said that she’ll try, but not that she’d been successful.”  
  
“ **They**.”, Laura corrected and the brunette needed a moment to comprehend.  
  
“Of course… I get confused with the pronouns.”, the blonde nodded and let her gaze wander through the room. No sign of Carmilla.  
  
  
  
“She isn’t here.”  
  
“Who?”, Laura playing the innocent one.  
  
“My daughter. It’s rather fortunate for you and for her, I assure you. She wasn’t really the most presentable, when she left this room to go take a shower finally.”  
  
The blonde only nodded and still suspiciously eyed her former dean. She really looked fragile and small. Not intimidating at all. She must be going through hell, Laura thought to herself.  
  
  
“Why did you want to see me?”  
  
“Come, sit, Laura.”, the brunette closed her eyes and shook her head, “That still does not roll off my tongue smoothly. I can call you Laura, correct?”  
  
“Yes, you can, Mrs. Karnstein… But I really don’t understand why you wanted to see me… If you could just tell me, why I’m here…”  
  
“Why, of course.”, the dark haired woman tried to sit up, but failed. Uncertain of what to do, the blonde instinctively rushed to help her and sat her up.  
  
“Don’t exert yourself.”, Laura urged and eyed the woman in front of her. She was so weak and small.  
  
“Thank you, dear”  
  
The TV-host sat down on a chair beside her bed and was attentively waiting for Renata to talk.  
  
“I heard that you live in Graz now.”  
  
Laura frowned, even though she knew that LaF had told her, it bugged her that she knew.  
  
“Yes I do.”  
  
The older woman nodded, apparently deeply in thoughts. The woman just went with the direct train. Dive right in.  
  
  
  
“What happened 6 years ago…”, Renata sighed deeply, “I am not going to apologize for the fact that I was the reason you had to end your relationship with Carmilla.”  
  
_Gee, thanks. How… Nice._  
  
Laura was just about to say something, when the other woman continued.  
  
“Because it would have been my job as the dean of students to bring a halt to such teacher student relationships. If it hadn’t been in my personal interest to save my daughter’s career, I could have done far worse. I could have done _far worse_ things to you both. I didn’t stand in your academical way, did I? I never urged my daughter to go away. I simply wanted to prevent your relationship from becoming public, and that was done with her going away. I never forced her to do that. She did it willingly. I thought it was the perfect solution for a long time.”  
  
Laura was chewing on her imaginary gum, unclenching and clenching her jaw.  
  
“However, I do deeply regret whatever happened afterwards. As you might have figured, the relationship between my daughter and I has suffered a lot from it. I understood it as her being moody as always. She always came around, when she hadn’t got it her way. That time although... She did not come around. We haven’t spoken for almost 4 years after her disappearance. I then slowly began to grasp that it might have to do with the fact that losing _you_ was a much greater impact on her than I would have thought. I never knew, how deep your connection was.”  
  
“You never wanted to know. It’s not even the fact that you wanted me to break it off, I understand that. It’s just... You can’t even accept your daughter for who she is...”  
  
“I _couldn’t_ , you are right. Back then I didn’t, and she despises me ever since then. I believe she will never forgive me for that.”  
  
“And yet she is here.”, Laura said it more to herself than the dean, but Renata nodded.  
  
“She is. She abandoned her book launch and tour to be here.”  
  
This information shocked the blonde. Laura hadn’t known that Carmilla had just tossed everything aside, to be there. Then again, she knew exactly how selfless the brunette could be.  
  
  
  
“Carmilla is probably one of the most selfless people I have ever known.”, the blonde averted her gaze from the white hospital sheets to meet Renata’s eyes, “Why did you ask me to come meet you, Mrs. Karnstein?”  
  
“I am most probably dying dear. It is a matter of time, until my heart fails to keep me alive. And I just can’t leave this world without at least trying to make up for my mistakes.”  
  
The blonde swallowed, her throat feeling dry, “So what? You want my forgiveness?”, Laura asked.  
  
“No, I cannot ask such a thing from you. However, I asked you here, to give you something.”, the brunette reached to her nightstand and took ahold of the maroon hardcover and handed it to the blonde, who was eying it suspiciously.  
  
“Did you know that Carmilla has written a book?”  
  
“Yes.”, she didn’t have to lie about it, “I met her at this author’s event a few days ago. I saw it...”, Laura let her fingertips glide along the letters.  
  
“I think Carmilla would never say anything to you, and frankly, her reasons are unknown to me. However I wanted to let you know. You need to know, because it is a huge gesture.”  
  
“Carmilla wouldn’t say _what_? What gesture?”  
  
“The book Laura.”, Renata gestured towards it, “ **I believe it is about you.** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions, declarations of love, hatemail, or even requests? Click -> [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	33. I Didn't Give You Up For Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Hollstein you've been waiting for.  
> Carm calls out on Laura and it gets heated.  
> One of the nicest endings I could give you guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XoXo (I'm European, deal with my cheek-kisses.)
> 
> This one's for the people, who wanted me to write Carm's letter ;)

Laura was in deep thoughts. The encounter with her ex-girlfriend’s mother was rather… _Unconventional_. She was sitting in her living room and thinking about the meeting with her. Renata’s words still were playing in her mind.  
  
  
_The book Laura. It is about you._  
  
  
A great part of the blonde didn’t believe it. Carmilla and her were separated for six years now. It was bizarre that her mother claimed the book to be about her. They hadn’t had contact at all. Nothing… Except-  
  
  
_Incoming call:_ **+1-921-081-5467**  
  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, when she saw the number appearing on her phone screen. This was an American number. This only could be one person… Tell you about coincidence.  
  
  
The blonde cleared her throat, before picking up, “You’ve reached Laura Hollis’ phone.”  
  
“Hey there…”, there was some shuffling on the other side, “Uhm… It’s Carmilla… _Karnstein_ …?”  
  
Laura smiled to herself, “I know who you are, Carm.”, the nickname slipped out, she bit her lip, “I figured it out, the moment I saw the number.”  
  
“Right. I forgot that you are some hot-shot journalist.”, the brunette chuckled. Laura felt a little uneasy.  
  
  
“So you decided to finally call me.”  
  
“Yeah, I was kind of busy the last few days, sorry… And I just decided today was a good day to ring you up.”, Carmilla clearly didn’t want Laura to know anything about her mother, which stung a little, but the TV-host went with it. It was none of her business anyways. Carmilla did not owe her anything.  
  
“You _did_ … So how is being back in Austria? So far from home?”  
  
“Actually _this_ is my home. Chicago is just where my life is right now. I was born here after all…” Laura made a mental note. Carmilla was currently living in Chicago. Interesting.  
  
“34 kilometers to the south, but yeah. Pretty much.”, the blonde replied.  
  
“So I see, you know your way around now… I would be curious to know, what else has changed in the last few years.”, Carmilla’s voice had a sultry quality to it, which made Laura shiver. (Just because everyone would find that sexy, of course.)  
  
  
“You could find out personally?” Was that too eager?  
  
“I would actually love that very much Laura… Are you free tonight?”  
  
_Tonight?_   Laura’s eyes fell to the clock on the wall opposite to the couch she was sitting on. It was quarter past 6 in the evening.  
  
“Oh, I mean I have off from work tomorrow, it’s a Sunday after all… So yeah, I can totally make time for you.”  
  
“It is so very kind of you to make time for me on your Saturday night.”, the dark haired woman chuckled, “You are the local here now… Tell me, where does one go, when in need of good food?”  
  
“Food? Did you want to meet for dinner?”  
  
“Now is a good time for dinner, right? Or have you already eaten?”  
  
“No- No, I haven’t. I just…”, Laura closed her eyes and shook her head to regain composure, “Dinner is fine… Where is your hotel? Maybe I can recommend something in close distance?”  
  
“The Mercure in the inner city.”  
  
“Oh, nice with that I can work. Do you know the ‘Steirer’?”  
  
“I think I might have walked past that. I’m sure I will be able to find it.”  
  
“Great, you will be able to walk there… So… Let’s make it 7 there?”  
  
“I’m looking forward to it, Laura.”  
  
“See you in a bit.”  
  
  
  
Carmilla threw her phone on the bed. Oh god, what was she doing? Inviting Laura to dinner? _Ugh.  
_  
The brunette let herself fall back on her bed and eyed the ceiling. A weird warm feeling was spreading from the core of her body to her limbs. She felt invigorated. Like she was coming to life. Like she was finally alive again. After all those years. There was this familiar twitchiness. The familiar- **No** , this couldn’t be happening.  
  
“Worst. Crush. Ever.”, Carmilla sighed.  
  
And it wasn’t even just a crush. It was her ex that still had this one piece of her heart and claimed it for herself. Gosh was it infuriating and endearing at the same time. How was that even remotely possible? How was she falling for Laura Hollis again, after having her washed out of her system? How had she become this hormonal teenager again, after not having seen her for over 5 years?  
  
There was a reason for Carmilla to find the courage and call up Laura. (Beside the fact that her mother had thrown her out of her hospital room, telling her that she could absolutely not just lounge in a hospital the whole time.)  
  
It was like fate, but the date was October 2. Which, exactly 6 years ago was after all the date she had met the slightly drunk university student outside of her dorm for the first time. On that white bench under the clear night sky. With a bottle of red wine that had later on stained her lips. Those lips that she then-  
  
**And** it was time to get ready. Carmilla was just grateful that she had brought some of her nicer clothes with her. The choice on the right outfit fell and she was soon turned into leather-clad awesomeness. After getting her hair done (it was an almost untameable mess) and her face in a somewhat presentable state (she hadn’t slept well in the last couple of days), the woman stepped into her desert boots and made her way to the door. Her phone was telling her exactly where to go.  
  
  
  
  
Laura was manoeuvring her car into a vacant parking spot (thanking all the gods above her that it was not a weekday) and killed off the engine. With that action all the tension in her body was elevated. She didn’t really have a reason to, but there was this excitement in her. Maybe, because the restaurant they were meeting at had the best breaded fried chicken... _That_ was totally it.  
  
She walked out of her car and after some walking stood by a traffic light to cross the street to get to the restaurant, when someone tapped on her shoulder from behind. When the blonde turned around, there was nothing, but a raspy voice crept up from beside her.  
  
“Going somewhere m’lady?”, Carmilla was smugly smiling at her ex-girlfriend, who was of course looking like someone, who could have jumped right out of a fashion magazine - _again_. Her long coat wasn’t revealing what she was wearing underneath, but it surely was a dress. Oh well, Carmilla wasn’t that underdressed either with her leather pants and that super lacy top with a blazer above it.  
  
  
“You scared me.”, was all Laura could respond. She couldn’t look into those dark eyes for too long, and averted her gaze. To her fortune the light jumped to green and indicated that they could now cross the street. (Good, there was no awkward situation, where both had to decide, how exactly to greet one another.)  
  
“Will we get a table at this time on a Saturday without reservation?”, the brunette was frowning, because from outside the restaurant it looked pretty full.  
  
“Yeah, the owner is my colleague’s brother. He always holds a table for special guests… Usually.”  
  
“Aw…”, the dark haired beauty drawled and cocked an eyebrow, “So I am with _someone special_ tonight, huh?”, she said, when they entered.  
  
“Stop flirting, Carmilla.” Laura was playing hot and cold, and she was so aware of that, but she couldn’t help herself. It was, as if something in her told her to be distanced and to lay out her cards well. Her cards that were telling: You can’t get into my heart anymore.  
  
  
The brunette’s smugness faltered. Was she being so obvious? Well of course she was, that was just a trait of hers, but never had Laura (or anyone of her other love interests -not that they fall in the same category) called her out on doing so.  
  
Of course Laura was right about getting a table. It was in the far back and not really the most desirable one, being the one next to the bathroom doors, but it was pretty secluded. Carmilla was always one for the more intimate atmosphere (not that it was needed, of course not).  
  
Laura eagerly took the menu the waiter was holding out to them and in her perfect German she ordered herself a coke. Carmilla was confused for a bit and then asked for a glass of white wine.  
  
  
  
“Don’t drink alcohol anymore?”, the brunette asked (thinking back to their last encounter, before leaving Austria), once they had opened their menus to pick out their meal. (She had been right about the dress, Laura was wearing a navy, sleeveless dress! Which, totally not sexy or anything... She just looked exceptionally good in it.)  
  
“I do usually…”, Laura was reading something, so she paused, but then looked up, “But not tonight, I drove here with my car.”  
  
“I’m sorry you did _what_?”  
  
“What?”, the blonde frowned, but then the waiter came and placed their drinks in front of them. Both thanked him and the conversation was ongoing again.  
  
  
“I just thought, I heard you say _you drove here_.”  
  
“Yeah _I did_ , what about it?”  
  
“I just remember you complaining about the driving on the right side of the road and not being able to follow that through.”  
  
“Well, I had to pick up my driving skills pretty soon. In that god forsaken town it became a necessity after having to live off campus, almost 10 kilometers away.”  
  
Then Carmilla remembered again that she really knew nothing about that woman in front of her anymore.  
  
  
“You lived off campus? What happened to your dorm room?”  
  
Laura smiled and took a sip of her coke. “We are going _full-on interviewing-mode_ , huh? Well… After completing my bachelors, I needed to find alternative accommodations, because the rooms were limited to the PhD students and I shouldn’t have gotten one in the first place… I had my own apartment off campus for a while and yeah in the summer before I started my Masters program at Silas, I picked up on driving. Plus here in Graz it sometimes comes to good use. I live here now for almost two years and still am in awe, how much it takes to get to the outer districts of the city by public transportation.”  
  
“So you completed your Masters at SU?”, Carmilla picked at particular facts that were provided.  
  
“Great observation, Watson. _Yes, I did_.”  
  
  
Carmilla nodded to herself, “That’s really great Laura.”  
  
“Enough about me.”, Laura hated talking about school, “What about _you_? When did you decide to ditch your career and become a writer?”  
  
“I completed my professorship at UTD and then was a full teaching instant for 2 years. While doing that I started to write short literary texts for local magazines and newspapers… Then I met some publisher at a gala and you know how that goes… He met me over lunch one day, and he liked what I had written, and we worked on that. Pretty boring. Then I moved to Chicago just 1 year ago, because of my book and it coming to the final stages of pre-publishing.”  
  
The blonde thought about Renata’s words from some hours ago.  
  
  
“What is your book about?”, the brunette was meeting her former student’s eye.  
  
“Uh, well it is sort of a compilation of thoughts I had in the last couple of years. A collection of things my brain produced. It’s nothing special, just some words obscured as _art._ I don’t even know, why people liked it. It has no real structure at all, I just threw in words and made it look special, I guess… Just really no big thing.”, Carmilla modestly was talking about her new-found career. _Such a perfectionist._  
  
  
“I would really like to read it.”, Laura smiled to her former teacher.  
  
“Yeah... Tell me, how you liked it, after you do. Will you?”, that was strange. The brunette wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of Laura reading her book, neither was she telling her not to. Maybe Renata was wrong about the book. Maybe it was about someone else and the woman got it mixed up? If that were the case, Laura was definitely not looking forward to reading Carmilla’s work.  
  
“I’m so glad that you got to pursue your dream, Carmilla. It is really nice to see that.”, well that sounded like a fake comment. Much too formal. The dark haired woman decided to ignore the tone in her voice.  
  
“Yeah, I never really thought that I’d be published.”  
  
Laura nodded and was about to say something, when the waiter came by and took their orders.  
  
  
  
  
“So what do _you_ do now?”, Carmilla asked the other woman, while finishing up her dessert wine, “I mean that one guy at the event said something about TV? Did I hear correctly?”  
  
“Yeah… It’s nothing… Just a silly little talk show I host for this local channel. We like to interview those indie people and want to push those undiscovered newbies… Really no big deal.”, dullness evident in her voice. No passion whatsoever.  
  
Carmilla frowned. Where was the woman, who got excited by everything and nothing?  
  
“And writing? You still do that, right? I mean, this TV-gig is only your side job, right?”  
  
Wrong thing to say, dear.  
  
  
Laura pressed her lips together, “Actually I gave up on that.”  
  
“ **You did what?** ”, something in the brunette’s mood shifted.  
  
  
“Well it’s a long story… The bill’s coming.”, Laura met the waiter’s eyes and smiled at him, getting her wallet out of her purse.  
  
“No, no!”, the writer stopped the blonde, “ _I am paying tonight._ ”  
  
“Carmilla, don’t be ridiculous, we are here in _my city_ , I won’t let you pay-” The way Laura claimed Graz to be her city made the brunette’s stomach flip. It was odd and sort of enchanting.  
  
“This is the money I earned from writing my book… I haven’t spend any cent of it yet… Please let me spend it on _someone that is dear to me_.”  
  
**Melt.** Who wouldn’t melt? Well… As much as Laura denied her feelings (well you can’t deny something that isn’t there… so no denying… just nonexistent), her features softened and she relented.  
  
“Thanks.”, the blonde uttered, when Carmilla held out her credit card for the waiter to take.  
  
  
  
They stepped out into the mild October air and looked at each other for a while.  
  
“Well…”  
“I was…”  
  
Both talked at the same time and then chuckled at their own timing, which led to more laughter.  
  
“You first.”, Laura smiled.  
  
“Would you want to go on a walk with me? I don’t want to call it a night yet…”, the brunette admitted.  
  
“Of course… We can walk past the Mur river.”  
  
“I would like that very much.”, Carmilla bared her teeth and Laura’s lips curled up into the gentlest of smiles.  
  
The brunette eyed the other woman closely. There was something off about her. Laura was pretty reserved the whole evening and some of her comments left some space to think about.  
  
  
  
“Carmilla?”  
  
“Hmn?”, they had been walking for a while now.  
  
“Why are you here in Austria?” She didn’t know why, but it was incredibly important for Laura to know, if the brunette would tell her.  
  
Carmilla sighed, “A little more than two weeks ago I got a call from a doctor, saying that my mother’s sick and in the hospital and well… Then I flew here.”  
  
Laura nodded, being satisfied with the answer.  
  
  
“I never would have thought to meet you _here_ of all the places.”, Carmilla continued, not really wanting to talk about her mother with Laura. _Especially_ with Laura. Oddly the blonde didn’t ask any further questions.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because you never really liked it here in Austria. I imagined you to be out and about in London, chasing some fantastic story for your next article…”  
  
“What is it with you and being so fixated on me being a journalist?”  
  
“Because that’s what you always talked about, isn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah, but people change in the course of time. _I_ have changed, Carmilla.”  
  
“Oh, don’t worry, I can see _that_.”, the brunette grumbled and Laura stopped in her tracks, Carmilla with her, as she was looking back and facing her.  
  
  
“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
“Nothing…”, the dark haired woman closed her eyes and sighed, “Just forget what I said.”  
  
“No, explain to me, what you meant.”  
  
“I don’t know… I just never thought you would be like this…”  
  
“What does ‘ _this_ ’ mean?”  
  
“Torpid… Jaded… You name it. Where is the fire in you, Laura? Where is the spark in your eyes? Wanna know what I thought, when I saw you at that event after all those years? I thought you were beautiful and energetic, but then I talked to you, you were so dull and indifferent… I actually thought you’d shout at me at least… Or I don’t know… That you’d show more emotion than this apathetic behavior of yours. You are not the girl I fell in love with once.”  
  
Laura snorted.  
  
“Who are you? What has become of you, Laura?”, Carmilla didn’t mean it in a bad way, she was genuinely concerned and interested.  
  
Laura felt tears well up, but suppressed them effectively, averting her gaze to the river flowing wildly beside them. This was it. This was the reason it hadn’t been a good idea to meet.  
  
“Where is that girl that wanted nothing more than to dissect any living object near her, who was so eager on finding new things out? I mean… You finished a freaking Masters in Journalism, why aren’t you putting it to any use?”  
  
  
“Why the hell do you even care, huh?!”  
  
The first emotion she got. Carmilla was taken aback, but finally she saw _her_ again.  
  
“Because I would like to think that when I left you all those years ago, I did it for something. I would like to believe that me walking out of your life had a greater good to it. Because I really would have loved to believe that _I didn’t give you up for nothing_!”  
  
  
So. There. It was out.  
  
  
Laura just closed her eyes and shook her head. Tears falling. Oh, Carmilla Karnstein still had it in her.  
  
“Yeah? _That’s_ what you think of me? That I am just bitter woman in her mid-twenties, who accomplished nothing in her life? Because I got some newsflash for you: I already know tha-”  
  
“No, Laura! That’s completely **not** what I meant!”  
  
  
“Save it!”, the blonde turned around and was just about to walk away, when a hand came to use, to stop her, turning her around again.  
  
“ **No!** We are having this talk _now_! You can’t run from this conversation forever! I won’t allow this!”  
  
“Me? I am the one running? Who was the one, who ran out of my life?” Another emotion. This got so much more interesting for Carmilla.  
  
“I know, and I still am very deeply sorry, but I had to do that. You know, how much I loved you, you know that it was not the lack of love that led me to make that decision.” It was actually the opposite.  
  
“Yeah right, because it really sends you the right message, when someone tells you they love you and then walk out of your life…”, Laura scoffed and for the first time she looked directly into Carmilla’s eyes and saw how gentle they were. How caring. And that made her close up once more. She dried her tears with the back of her hand.  
  
Carmilla felt a tug on her heart. How could she deny her love? How could she…  
  
  
“It’s what _you_ did to _me_.”, the brunette never wanted to go there, but this talk was long due.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You told me you loved me and when I wanted to be with you, despite what my mother knew of us, despite of all the reasons speaking against it, you chose not to be with me. I was willing to give up everything for you and you chose to be rational. You too acted out of love, didn’t you? Because you were afraid that she would find a way to hurt me, wasn’t that your reason to not give in?”  
  
Carmilla was right and the blonde’s expression told her too.  
  
“Do you now understand? Do you now believe me that I also did it out of love for you?”  
  
“What does it change now anyways, Carmilla?”  
  
Laura was right. Nothing changed. Everything was still screwed up. Her mother was probably dying and she was pining over a girl, who didn’t really exist anymore. The little parts that she coaxed out of the shell that was in front of her weren’t enough. That simply wasn’t the woman she fell in love with anymore.  
  
  
“Do you know, what date it is?”, Carmilla asked the other woman, who was being her indifferent self again.  
  
“2nd of October, why?”  
  
“Exactly 6 years ago… 34 kilometers south of this city we met for the first time and I was enthralled by you. Back then you didn’t even have to dress up this way or put on expensive make up, I was drawn to your personality so much... Your warmth... Your eyes, when have they become so dull and lifeless?”  
  
Laura’s expression changed into that of surprise, as she tried to remember the night. “You remember the exact date?” Another emotion, but not negative ones this time.  
  
“I remember every little thing about and with you, Laura… I have never forgotten… And I probably never will…”, Carmilla sighed and bit her bottom lip, “I... Think this was it for tonight... Have a good night, Laura.”

It was too painful for the brunette to stand there any longer, laying out her heart, even though she shouldn’t have. She couldn’t help herself, really. Even if it had been a mistake, Carmilla wanted to see, if she could get the parts of the _old Laura_ from that shell of a body that looked like her ex-girlfriend, but so wasn’t. Why did she care anyway? Laura was at least right about that part. What would it change? **Nothing.** They were in two serparate worlds. And those worlds would most likely never collide. Never again.  
  
  
  
Laura stood there for a good while. She had listened to Carmilla’s footsteps getting farther and farther away. It was a replay of history. Only this time, Carmilla was the one, who was walking away. The blonde’s memory was serving her again. The send off party. The wine. Their first meeting. Every little detail. She too hadn’t forgotten, even if she had forced herself to. The memories were just safely secured in some back corner of her brain. Now everything came to surface.  
  
Exactly 6 years. Laura hadn’t thought about it. How could she have? She was so caught up with getting any remaining feeling out of her system, before meeting her ex. The blonde was so wrapped up in the idea of never again falling in love (especially not her first and only love) that she didn’t think of anything else. Not that it mattered, but it did, because everything Carmilla had said was true and deep down she knew it. Even if she tried to deny it.  
  
Laura Hollis was not the same person anymore and as much as she acted indifferent and cold, in the inside it all affected her just as much. It had affected her that Carmilla was so brutally honest to her and called her out on being apathetic, because she was. It had affected her that the woman she hadn’t seen or talked to in over 5 years still knew her so well and could read her like the back of her own hand. And still stated that she didn’t know her.  
  
It had affected her that all she wanted to do was to wrap up her ex-girlfriend in a hug and beg her not to leave her again. To tell her that what she had become, what she had made of herself was a product of getting left behind. She was always the one getting left behind. And one day Laura had just gotten so sick of it, so she shut everything out. Laura was sick. How was she so dependent on someone, who so clearly was out of reach? When exactly were her guards let down?  
  
How dare Carmilla walk into her life again and let all of her feelings emerge to the surface?  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was in her hotel room and just about to undress herself, when someone decided to knock on her door. The dark haired woman hurried to said thing and opened, to reveal her publicist on the other side.  
  
“Uh… Did you have plans to go out so late?”, Eve asked, eying Carmilla’s attire.  
  
“No, I just came home… Come in… What were _you_ up to?”, the brunette got out of her top, after Evelyn had closed the door behind her.  
  
“What the hell, Karnstein!”  
  
“What? Am I making you nervous?”, Carmilla winked and made her way to the hotel bathroom.  
  
“No, but I would like a little warning, before you strip in front of me.”  
  
“Prude…”, Carmilla’s muffled voice reached Eve and she snorted, “What did you want? Or were you bored in your room?”  
  
“I actually came to tell you that I will be flying home tomorrow. I have other things to do. Not everyone has the privilege of working whenever, wherever.”  
  
  
“Oh… Tomorrow already?”, the brunette reappeared with some more cozy clothes clung to her body. Praise the lord for sweatpants.  
  
“Yes… I already said good bye to your mom earlier. Flight’s at 2 in the afternoon.”, the blonde sat down on the queen-sized bed in the center of the room.  
  
“You went to the hospital without me?”, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
“Actually I thought, I’d meet you there, but you were nowhere to be seen. Aren’t you the one that lives there?”, the blonde had a point there.  
  
“My mother said it would be good for me to get out in a while and today she seemed to do so well, so I listened to her… Tell me, is she doing alright?”  
  
“She was still laughing and telling me embarrassing childhood stories of you, before I left, so yeah.”  
  
Carmilla smiled, and let herself fall down on her bed, her back hitting the mattress. Eve looked back to her.  
  
  
“Where were _you_? All dressed up?”  
  
“I went out… To a restaurant… To meet Laura.”  
  
Eve’s eyebrows knit together and she smirked, “And?”  
  
“And what?”  
  
“How was your date with your hot ex-girlfriend?”  
  
“It wasn’t a…”, Carmilla wanted to protest, but stopped, “I think I was right… She and I have changed a lot. We are not the people we were 6 years ago. Laura’s just… I’m so stupid for believing that we…”, the brunette closed her eyes and groaned.  
  
“For believing _what_?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “I don’t know, what I thought. I knew that it was dumb and just… I hate being disappointed, when I know, I shouldn’t have made up hopes. It was good seeing her though… We had a final talk.”  
  
“Good. Are you feeling good with yourself now? I mean, did you clear any ‘maybe’s and ‘someday’s from your mind?”  
  
“I guess so.” She didn’t. Still the hopeful sap.  
  
  
Both women were startled, when Carmilla’s phone went off.  
  
  
“Who the hell calls someone that late at night?!”, the brunette strolled over to where her cell was situated on the dresser.  
  
…  
  
Laura was sitting in her car and eyed the passenger seat. The book that Carmilla had written was still placed there from earlier when she’d been at the hospital to visit Renata Karnstein. What a day. And the worst part was that she wasn’t sitting outside of her apartment complex. She was sitting in her car outside of Perry and LaFontaine’s house.  
  
  
  
“Honey, what are you doing here so late?”, a concerned Perry opened to door, and led the blonde inside.  
  
“Perry… I need you to find something for me… 4 years ago I gave you guys a box to hold on to, because I was moving into that apartment off campus, remember? And I never claimed it back, because… Well I didn’t need it… _But now_ … You have to tell me that you still have it here… I need it **now** …”  
  
“Calm down, Laura, calm down. What box?”  
  
“LaFontaine said, they would store it in that big storage space you had above your old flat, remember?”  
  
“Oh, yes! We put all those things in our garage…”  
  
“Great… I need to raid your garage now…”, Laura had a pleading look on her face.  
  
“Of course… But what is this about? You are starting to worry me, dear.”  
  
“Carmilla wrote me a book… Well her mother said it’s about me...”, the blonde bit her lip and cocked her eyebrows, “Which is insane… And probably not true... But then _she_ said all of those things... And I just… I need that box.”  
  
“Who? Carmilla? What? How-”, the redhead was seemingly confused.  
  
“Doesn’t matter… Garage!?”  
  
“Oh right…”, the both women made their way to their garage.  
  
  
  
“Does the box look somehow specific?”  
  
“No just a plain cardboard box with my name on it.”  
  
“Alright…”, the curly one opened the door to the garage and Laura immediately rushed inside and moved some of the boxes that were stored there around, “Would you like me to get you something… Or…”, the woman took in her guest, who was dressed to go out. “Where were you before?”  
  
“I went to dinner with Carmilla… You don’t need to tell me, how much of a bad idea that was… I already know… Just…”, that left Perry more confused than ever. Had her partner told on the author already? Weren’t they better at keeping secrets? Confidentiality was something deeply incorporated in their job after all.  
  
“ **HA!** There you are!!!”, the blonde was apparently successful with her quest. Laura took ahold of the box, but suddenly wasn’t able to open it. Something held her up. Those were the things that she safely tucked away all those years ago and never dared to look at since.  
  
Why had her heart demanded to go get them now? She didn’t know.  
  
Maybe because she was looking for an answer. An answer the old Laura could give her. Carmilla was so disappointed to see her like this. The blonde wanted to know, what it all was about. What had the brunette missed so much about her? What better way to find out, than dismantling your own self through the words of someone else?  
  
“Laura, I don’t understa-”  
  
“Thanks Perry… Sorry for bothering you so late… Give my regards to LaF, when they get back from work… I- I have to go home…”  
  
  
  
Laura was sitting on her bed with the box and the copy of ‘ **Of Love And Fools** ’ before her. Her clothes had been exchanged by a pair of fresh underwear. Nothing else. She was sitting in her heated bedroom. Silence filling up her ears, but no noise in the world could bring her out of the haze her thoughts were.  
  
Carmilla’s words from before had been hunting her. Even though she tried it with all of her guts to defy any remaining feelings that emerged from under the surface, it was inevitable to run from them.  
  
_Damn you, Carmilla Karnstein._  
  
How was the blonde still hooked to her like this? She was sure, it was not love, but her wanting to prove her ex-lover wrong. She wasn’t _that_ bad right? Laura was aware of being aloof, but she wasn’t completely apathetic right? In her head there was a difference between those two. _Of course_. Laura lived on the small differences of words and their semantic field. Even though sometimes it was just bullshit.  
  
  
_A hand came to run the top of the still slightly dusty box._  
  
Her bed had to suffer from it, but she didn’t give a damn about that now. As OCD she sometimes was, her priorities were laying somewhere completely different now.  
  
  
_The lid of the box was lifted up and Laura took a sharp breath._  
  
The content was countable on one hand almost. The blonde didn’t have much to put into that. When Carmilla had left, she’d almost left with no trace. Like she never existed. Any indication or proof of her existence had been safely placed into the box that was now sitting in front of the TV-host.  
  
If Laura were honest to herself, she lived like Carmilla hadn’t really existed. As if everything had been a silly little dream of hers. No one experiences anything like that in their lifetime. Those things only happen in fictional books and TV-movies. Cheap chick flicks for cheap audiences that never would have the pleasure of - okay, NO. _Not pleasure._  
  
Then again, there had been little reminders of her indiscretions in the past. When for instance Danny Lawrence came rushing down to her, as she had been on the way to start her fourth semester at SU and had confronted her about lying to her face. She was on the verge of crying. Not because she’d hurt Danny -a close friend of hers-, no, because that redhead had reminded her of _her_. Reminded her of something she had lost.  
  
They never came across that. Danny got the spot in the English Lit. class at Columbia and after that Laura never had heard anything else from her. Danny had apparently transferred to the States for her last year of her Masters program and attended some grad school in the State of New York.  
  
All of those Carmilla related memories were now so within reach. She just had to dig a little deeper. Go a little more under the surface. Open the last door in the back corner of her heart.  
  
  
_The lid was displaced somewhere on her floor._  
  
There was a cream-white box, which held the bracelet she got for Christmas. There was a bar of Laura’s favorite chocolate (which probably already was expired) that Carmilla had bought her once. There were some notes from her former lover that they had exchanged during classes. Then there was the famous grey Columbia hoodie that was Carmilla’s. Laura took it and slid it on, to cover her almost naked body and at least update it to a half-naked state. _Her_ smell immediately got to her, which was silly, of course. It probably smelled like nothing. However Laura had read that article on phantom smell. The leather and the cigarettes and something fresh. Always something mixed with it that was vaguely familiar, but yet she could not put a finger on that scent.  
  
And lastly… There was a letter. Addressed to her anonymously, she had received it by the second week of Carmilla’s absence. However Laura knew, her ex-lover’s hand writing. She could have made it out without any doubt. Up to the day she hadn’t dared to open it. Simply because she knew, nothing would change.  
  
Laura’s trembling hand tugged on the paper and tore the envelope apart. Her heart racing in the process, too scared of what was awaiting her. Her eyesight became blurry. _Oh crap._ She was crying even before the hard part came. Why was she even crying? She had no indication to.  
  
This meant nothing. She just needed that as an emotional catharsis. Washing out of your system in the good old fashion.  
  
**Confrontation.**  
  
_Focus, Laura. You got this._

 

* * *

  
_My dearest Laura,_  
  
_I am sitting in my plane on my way to Dallas, wondering, if this really is happening._  
_Am I really leaving the girl that I love, like I have loved nothing else in the world, behind?_  
_How am I really pulling through, after the words you told me in your drunk, intoxicated state?_  
  
_The truth is, I don’t even know what to say, or what not to say.  
I don’t know, what you would want to hear from me, though I am pretty sure, you actually don’t want to hear anything at all.  
I just know, what I want to say to you. I will try my best to tell you everything I want you to know.  
We didn’t have our final talk, as I have wished to have with you.  
God, how I hate the word ‘final’._  
  
_I am truly sorry Laura. I am sorry that it all came the way it came. We were both unprepared for it.  
In a way I don’t blame you for your choice of words. You were right, we were dumb and foolish to think that we could be happy forever.  
In the end, if you think about it, almost nothing lasts forever._  
  
_However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t want our little fairytale to last forever. Do you remember my paranoia in the beginning of our relationship?  
As we grew closer and closer, I could finally let it all go. And maybe in this point you are right too, I am the one responsible for it.  
I was the teacher, I should have probably prevented you from falling in love with me._  
  
_But never will I be sorry for the fact that it happened. Never will I feel sorry for those days, weeks, months with you.  
Even the weeks, in which you weren’t particularly fond of me, because you are right: Initially I ran from my feelings.  
I was so enraptured by you that I got scared. I had never felt like that before.  
For me, the pull I had felt towards any other person was something so different from what I felt for you.  
The love I felt for you was raw and something I was not particularly experienced in.  
And then you, swept me away by my feet by nothing but simply being you._  
  
_I was starting to question myself for how I could fall for someone so simple like you._  
  
_Until I understood that you were everything but that.  
You were everything, but simple, you were everything, but average, you were everything, but normal.  
You were everything, but usual, you were everything, but dull, you were everything, but bland.  
You never failed to surprise me, and even your quirks somehow grew on me._  
  
_There ~~was~~ is just something about you…_  
  
  
  
_I’m currently having a layover in London. And it aches my heart, because you were my London-girl.  
It aches that I automatically have all those connections to you, everywhere I go.  
For instance when I smell the rich chocolatey flavor of cocoa in a coffee house.  
Or when I generally see something so simple such as a girl with the same hair color as yours.  
Will you be able to comprehend it all? Do you know, what that means?_  
  
_You invaded my mind, Laura Hollis._  
  
_And you are persistent. I close my eyes and see you.  
I listen closely to my heart, as I fear for it to just break open the ribcage that is its jail and run to the girl, who owns it.  
What have you done to me, my love? How am I ever going to survive the hell that is being away from you?  
I wanted us to work so badly. I wanted it to be you, Laura. Goddamnit, I really wanted it to be you and me._  
  
_However, all the good things must come to an end. This apparently also applies to our short romance.  
I am saying short, because never could I have enough time with you.  
No time in any universe would be enough for me.  
  
Conclusively I can safely state that I wrote this letter to formally apologize to you for leaving and for anything else I did to hurt you.  
I just think it was the best. Our relationship wouldn’t be healthy, if I decided to stick around any longer._  
  
_I will also admit that I also did it out of selfish reasons. I couldn’t be around you anymore, knowing that I couldn’t have you for myself.  
Always having to wonder how long it would take for you to fall in love with someone else.  
Watching you with anyone but me would have killed me._  
  
_And lastly I just thought, I should write you this letter to let you know, how loved you are._  
  
  
_In love always,_  
  
_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

  
  
**In. Love. Always.**

There was even an email-address scribbled down on the other side of the letter. _If you ever needed to talk._  
  
Laura’s heart felt heavy, and she felt so weak because of it. The letter shouldn’t have ached in her soul. The words shouldn’t have tugged on that tiny corner of her heart that was so safely closed up. She had coerced herself to close up so much that it was becoming unbearable to open up the tiniest bit.  
  
Hazy thoughts that were dazing her and were spun in a maze.  
  
_What now?_  
  
  
Her phone was suddenly ringing in her coat somewhere on the floor. (Yes she hadn’t cared that it was on her carpeted floor. Scandalous!)  
  
“Who the hell calls someone that late at night?!”  
  
The blonde groped around on the pile of clothes on her floor and found the source of the ring. The clock on her phone said 01:43 and the ID was not shown, only _unknown number_.  
  
  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey, is this Laura? Am I talking to Laura Hollis?”, a familiar, but yet strange voice was on the other end.  
  
“Yeah… Laura Hollis speaking, how can I help you?”  
  
“It’s Eve, we met some days ago, don’t know if you remember, but… You need to come to the hospital…”, the blonde wasn’t understanding. After that tiring day her brain wasn’t functioning so well anymore.  
  
“What are you even talking about?”  
  
“It’s Carmilla… Her mother just died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean... You guys did want her dead, didn't you?
> 
> Thank you-notes and hatemail over here, dearies: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	34. Just For Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death and all of his friends.  
> Laura's trying to be a 'good friend' to Carm.  
> What happens, if they let the guards down just for one day?

“Who the hell calls someone that late at night?!”, Carmilla was furious almost, when she picked up her phone. The number was an unknown one.  
  
  
“Hello?”  
  
Eve watched her friend, as her expression went from annoyed and irritated to plain blank and horror in seconds.  
  
“Ich bin unterwegs.” (Translation: _I’m on my way._ )  
  
  
“What the hell was that? Who was that?”, the blonde wanted to know, but Carmilla was already putting on a pair of jeans and her boots. “Carmilla?”  
  
“It was the hospital. I need to go there. Now.”, the dark haired woman was obviously shaken up.  
  
“Carmilla, what happened? What did they say?”  
  
The woman who it was addressed to was already gathering her belongings and putting them in a purse and was rushing through the door, leaving it open. Evelyn was behind her, making sure she wasn’t setting anything on fire with that speed of hers.  
  
“Carmilla talk to me!”, again no response.  
  
They were descending the stairs so quickly that the blonde was seriously considering to just stop. However she couldn’t. It must have been something serious, if her friend was acting like that.  
  
Outside the cold air was hitting them hard. It was almost midnight and the autumn nights definitely weren’t mild. Chilly would be the better word.  
  
“I need a fucking cab goddamnit!”, the brunette cursed and typed something in in her phone and held it to her ear. After some screaming in German the (apparently) call ended.  
  
  
  
“Calm down, honey…”, Eve’s hands landed on Carmilla’s shoulders and they were looking at each other, “What happened?”  
  
“She’s in a shock or something, I didn’t get that quite… Her organs are failing… Eve, she-”  
  
“Breathe… Carmilla, breathe… Breathe with me.”  
  
  
The following minutes went by like a blur for Carmilla. She wasn’t in her own body. It was, as if she was floating above her own body. The brunette couldn’t control herself anymore. She was just a watching instance in that movie that was playing in her head.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
_Carmilla was sitting in her mother’s office and reading a book no normal 13 year old would read. Marcel Proust was just another author she would read before going to bed. Then again, she wasn’t brought up to be average._  
  
_The piercing eyes of her mother were looking up to her, as she was crouching in front of her._  
  
_“One day you are going to make your mother proud, Carmilla.”, she stroked her daughter’s cheek with the back of her hand, the gentlest of smiles playing on her lips._  
  
_“Yes mother.” Always wanting to please her birth giver. Always wanting to be the best for her. She was her glittering girl after all. She was supposed to shine like a diamond._  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
Carmilla was sitting on one of the chairs in the entrance hall of the hospital. Her hollow stare was directed to the blue PVC floor coating. She was absently counting the dots in her mind. The brunette needed something to occupy her mind with.  
  
Eve had tried to talk to her, but nothing had helped. She had closed herself off, letting nothing in. They had been there for about an hour, the doctors telling them that Renata had died due to her multi-organ failure. Carmilla never was able to see her, before she deceased.  
  
  
  
“Hey… What are you two doing out here so late?”, it was LaF and obviously they were just about to go home. Carmilla’s gaze remained on the floor.  
  
“Renata just passed away.”, Eve answered for her friend.  
  
“I’m so sorry Carmilla, if-”, the brunette was already in a standing position and walking away. She didn’t need anyone pitying her. Her belongings all were left behind. She just didn’t care.  
  
  
“Sorry… She’s a little shaken up.”, the blonde apologized.  
  
“Hey, no. I do understand her completely… I can’t imagine what it must be like.”, the redhead replied.  
  
“Yeah, I just would really want to help her, you know? I’ve never seen her like that and I can’t really figure out what to do. We are good friends, but I’ve effectively known her for about 2 years.”  
  
“Maybe I know someone, who does know, how to help calm her down a little…”, LaF was looked at with surprise, “My friend Laura… Carmilla and her-”  
  
“I know that they were sweethearts… You think I should call her?”, the doctor was surprised for a second, but then nodded.  
  
“Do you have a phone on you? Mine’s in my car, but I have her number memorized.”  
  
“Yeah… Just a second…”, Eve got out her phone (thank god she was wearing a jacket, when seeing her client in her hotel room), “Okay shoot!”

...  
  
Laura had never dressed quicker than in that exact moment. It wasn’t even like that one time she almost missed her finals, because her stupid alarm clock hadn’t worked. There had still been a hint of laziness on that morning.  
  
It didn’t matter, how Carmilla and her had parted some hours ago. It wouldn’t have mattered, if the brunette had said worse things to her. Nothing else mattered after that phone call. She could only relate too much. Even though Renata Karnstein was a _raging bad person_ sometimes (okay, most of the times), she was still Carmilla’s parent. She’d been her mother. Her last immediate family member.  
  
  
Laura parked her car, jumped out of it and ran to the hospital entrance. The first two people she saw, were fortunately familiar faces.  
  
“LaF!”, they met her halfway and hugged her hard.  
  
“Hey L… Now that you’re here… I won’t feel bad for leaving Evelyn here alone. I’m really tired and have to work in about 15 hours again, gotta go home… But keep me posted, yeah?”, they looked back to where the blonde was shyly waving.  
  
“Sure, you must be exhausted. Go home already, budge!”, they waved on their way out and Laura was now walking to the woman that had decided to call her.  
  
  
The TV-host still had no clue what the deal with Eve was. The only thing she was pretty sure about, was the fact that they were merely friends. The topic kind of didn’t come up and Laura didn’t really know, if she would have wanted to ask her ex about it. However, what she hadn’t expected is the fact that the blonde with the pixie cut would take care of the situation. Making her assumptions truth.  
  
  
“Hi, it’s fancy always meeting you in stressful situations… Sorry to call you that late at night... But I just can’t calm _her_ down. We’ve been friends for some time now, but she never was this…”  
  
“Broken?”, Laura finished off the sentence.  
  
“Yeah… I guess? Dr. LaFontaine said, you would know, how to get through to her.”  
  
“My mother died 14 years ago, so I do know a few things… Where is she?” Laura wasn’t particularly fond on sharing her other history with Carmilla -not knowing that Evelyn already knew.  
  
“She ran off in that direction.”, the publicist pointed to a hallway that led to the outpatient’s department, “I’ll be here and watch her stuff.”  
  
  
Laura looked at the chair Eve was referring to, and took ahold Carmilla’s jacket. She could just imagine where she was, so the blonde made her way outside to the ambulance cars on the other side of the hospital.  
  
She had been right. There between two ambulance cars was Carmilla crouching and shivering. Laura hurried over to the dark figure and slowed down, when in eyesight of her brooding ex-lover.  
  
  
“Carmilla?”  
  
_No reaction_. Laura dared to step closer. Carmilla’s eyes were soulless and empty.  
  
“Carm…?”, Laura sat down in front of her and took the jacket to drape it over the brunette’s shoulders. At that contact she flinched a little.  
  
  
“Laura...”, the voice was raspy and edgy.  
  
“Hey…”, the blonde reached out her hands and gestured the other woman to take them, who did. Then both stood up and Carmilla was looking down at her ex-lover.  
  
“What are _you_ doing here? It’s late. You should be in your bed and sleeping. Not here… This is not a good place to be.”, the dark haired woman seemed a little confused.  
  
“When I heard, what happened… I... I didn’t care for anything, I came rushing to you… I wanted to make sure, you are okay.”  
  
  
“ **She’s dead.** ”  
  
“I know… I’m so sorry, Carm-”, Carmilla shook her head, so Laura didn’t continue. It was her way of saying that she didn’t want to talk, which the other woman understood completely.  
  
“Carm… It’s cold out here… Let’s get you inside?”, the blonde tugged on the author’s hand and surprisingly she complied.  
  
  
After getting inside, Eve stood up from her seat and eyed both in expectance, but before she could say anything Carmilla beat her to it.  
  
“Eve, you have to get to bed, go to the hotel… Your flight’s in 12 hours.”  
  
“No, I can cancel the flight… This is important-”  
  
  
“It’s okay. _I_ will take care of Carmilla.”, Laura said and placed her free hand (that was not holding Carmilla’s) on her former teacher’s forearm. Both Carmilla’s and Eve’s head snapped to the tiny blonde. “I have off tomorrow. Evelyn, you can go, I will take good care of her.”  
  
The publicist looked at her friend, who nodded and then she gathered her belongings and told Carmilla to keep her up to date and that she of course would want to say good bye to her the next day, if that wouldn’t be such trouble. There was something like facetime after all. Carmilla hugged her friend, sat down and nodded, her mind going blank. She was eying the floor and counting dots again.  
  
  
  
“What are we waiting for actually?”, that brought the brunette out of her haze. Was it a legit question? Well, Laura was waiting with her ex-girlfriend at 3 am in the hospital after all. A little more information would be great.  
  
“My mother’s an organ donor, but considering the fact that all her organs have failed, I need to be here and sign some legal documents and I don’t know what else, to be honest. I never had to deal with things like that.”, the voice was cold and lifeless.  
  
Laura, who had been sitting next to Carmilla for about half an hour without a word suddenly got up and went to the reception. The dark haired woman watched her ex-girlfriend talk to the woman, who was sitting behind a computer. Carmilla didn’t care for anything in that moment, so she didn’t even pay attention to what they were talking about.  
  
Instead she focussed on the blonde. Her hair was a little tousled, her flawless make up removed, her lips in their natural color and she was so unbelievably beautiful. For the first time she took in her attire. Laura was wearing her Columbia hoodie. She still had that. Why would she wear that? Carmilla’s heartbeat picked up speed and it was ludicrous, because she should be mourning her mother’s death, but she just couldn’t. Carmilla rather paid a lot of attention to the way Laura was flirting with the employee to get it her way, at least that was her explanation of her being that way. But then again, she didn’t know her that well anymore. Maybe Laura liked flirting?  
  
  
  
Laura was very good at persuading people (so yes, she enjoyed the flirting very much), so it turned out that she was the reason Carmilla didn’t have to wait another few hours until all of it was cleared. After the blonde hat talked a bit with the receptionist, a doctor came by and did all the remaining paperwork.  
  
He even asked Carmilla, if she wanted to see her mother again. The brunette was about to say no, but Laura answered for her, when she said that she was going to be there with her. And she was. They were led to the floor beneath ground floor, where the pathological department of the hospital was.  
  
Renata looked peaceful and as if she’d been sleeping. Only her arms gave away that she must have been sick. There were red and blue patches, as if her skin was bruised by an heavy impact. The doctor explained that those were petechiae and were common with septic shock patients. Everything else the man explained, went by like a blur. Carmilla didn’t seem like she took anything in, so the blonde took over and tried to gather as much information, as possible. Just because her ex-lover couldn’t really. Carmilla needed a break. Just a pause from all that was going on around her. The brunette urged herself to pay attention.  
  
  
  
Laura had spoken with the pathologist, although the brunette didn’t know _what_.  
  
She had tried to listen, but she was confused. Her head spinning.  
  
Her surroundings changed, everything was cloudy.  
  
Every thing was consumed by a blur.  
  
  
  
  
“Carm? Come back to me. Can you hear me?”, suddenly they were standing outside of the hospital. The crisp, fresh air invigorating Carmilla’s lungs. As well as Laura’s hands on her shoulders gently bringing her back.  
  
“Yes.”, she snapped out of it just like that. Laura’s scent was intoxicating.  
  
“I asked you, if you wanted to come home with me?”  
  
The brunette’s eyes grew wide, “With you? To your place?”  
  
“Well… Yeah… I thought that… That you shouldn’t be alone… We don’t have to, I can also drop you off at your hotel an-”  
  
“No, no, no. I would love to go with you.”, Carmilla hastily interjected.  
  
“Okay, my car’s that way… You coming?”, Laura cocked her head to said direction behind her and once again led the brunette by taking her hand.  
  
  
  
Laura pressed a button on her keys and the lights on a white Mercedes blinked twice. Carmilla stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
“What’s wrong?”, the blonde asked concerned.  
  
“This is _your_ car?”, Carmilla asked incredulously.  
  
“Yeah… Why? What’s wrong with it?”  
  
The brunette checked for the bumper sticker, and it was there. “ **It’s you**. It was _you_ all the time.”  
  
  
It hit Carmilla suddenly. Like a lightning. Laura’s been there all the way. This was the analogy to her own life. Laura’s been there the whole time. Wether she could see her or not. Wether she was aware of her presence or not. Always interfering in her way, literally. Crossing the same paths, literally. Even when she was back in the USA, this time metaphorically.  
  
How many times had she been hovering over Laura’s number with her thumb, trying to call her? The fun thing was that Carmilla never tested it out, also out of fear that the number she had of her was no longer in service and that would have been a different kind of painful. _If you never try, you’ll never know_ in the good way.  
  
And Laura was there _all the time_. Even now, even after the harsh conversation they were having just a few hours ago, she was willing to come and take care of her. She even offered her to come back with her to her apartment.  
  
  
“…Carm?” Carmilla didn’t know, if Laura was using her nickname on purpose, or if it slipped out, but it was soothing. There was a familiarity between them.  
  
“What…?”, the blonde was standing in close proximity to her.  
  
“You zoned out again.”  
  
“Sorry… Just a long night and a lot going on in my mind…”  
  
“I don’t really blame you… But what did you mean before? What was me?”  
  
“Nothing…”, Carmilla’s lips curled into the tiniest of smiles, “You just still don’t fail to surprise me, sweetheart.”  
  
  
Laura’s chest expanded, her heart feeling mellow. She inhaled deeply. Carmilla’s pet name made her feel all those fuzzy, gross feelings. _Just for the night_ she went with it.  
  
“When did you develop such a good taste in automobiles?”, Carmilla got in the car and the leather felt good on her body, just as she expected. This really was a delicate model.  
  
“I didn’t. It was a present by my dad. I would have taken everything, but he said this passed the security tests well or something.”  
  
“Your father has a very good taste.”  
  
“Well, he says the Germans at least produce good cars.”  
  
  
  
  
The whole drive was a silent one. Carmilla was in all over her head. The death of her mother wasn’t even 3 hours ago, but there was the next problem showing already. Laura’s presence made her feel a hundred times better, but at the same time it made her chest ache, her heart cry. She was in direct reach, but unreachable.  
  
Plus there was the fact that Laura had placed her hand on Carmilla’s left knee. To comfort her, she was sure, but still it was too distracting.  
  
Carmilla tried to shove all the feelings about her mother’s death inside. She hadn’t cried yet. Everything she could feel was emptiness towards that subject, but she didn’t want to be dull and blank. She wanted to feel something, so she choose to let her guard down. _Just for a night_. She let herself feel all the things she had buried deep inside. It didn’t even need convincing by herself, she just needed Laura’s presence and immediately was falling. Falling in the good sense. Not in the deep hole she was in, before the blonde got to her and helped her up some time ago. _Literally and metaphorically._  
  
  
  
“This is a nice neighborhood you live in.”, Carmilla commented, when she got out of Laura’s car.  
  
“Yeah, the rent here is a little higher, but it’s pretty close to the inner city and I love the view from my apartment.”, the blonde pressed the button to the elevator, which took them from the underground garage straight to the main entrance of her complex.  
  
After getting into the second elevator, Carmilla turned sidewards and faced Laura, who threw in a look of confusion.  
  
  
“You are wearing the Columbia hoodie.”, the brunette remarked.  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide, she had forgotten to change. _Oh crap._  
  
“Uh yeah… Earlier when I came home, I went through some _old stuff_ and found this.”  
  
“I can’t believe, you still have that old piece.”  
  
“I still have everything, Carm.”, Laura’s smile was sincere, but sadness was overshadowing them both.  
  
They locked eyes and for a flash of a second Carmilla’s expression changed to something undecipherable, but then the elevator indicated that they had reached the floor in which Laura’s apartment was in and the moment was gone.  
  
  
  
Laura let her guest enter first and then locked up behind her. The lights from earlier were still turned on. Carmilla let her gaze wander through the apartment. Suddenly the blonde was holding a water bottle in front of her nose.  
  
“Drink up. You probably haven’t had anything to drink in the last few hours. You get easily dehydrated, if I recall correctly.”, Laura gave her the bottle and then moved to her thermostat to regulate the heating.  
  
“Sorry I was caught up in my mother’s death. Didn’t really have the time to think about _that_.”  
  
Laura bit her lip, averting her gaze to her own hands after turning around to face her guest.  
  
  
“That was a dumb remark, sorry.”, the brunette apologized and twisted off the cap, drinking half of the bottle and setting it on the coffee table.  
  
“No, it’s okay. I understand. For tonight, I’ll let you get away with it.”  
  
“Hmn you already cut me some slacks, when you came to the hospital despite the things I said to you.”  
  
“Why wouldn’t I? I still care about you, more than I probably let on.”, the blonde chuckled lightly, “What is it with you, Carmilla Karnstein? What is it about you, that draws me in so much? Wanting to care for you, wanting to be there for you...?”, Laura was bold and honest with her statement. Said woman approached the blonde slowly, stopping right in front of her.  
  
“What is it with _you_? I could ask the same thing.”, the dark haired woman seemed to fade away into another world. She shook her head swiftly, to get herself situated in the _here and now_ and noticed, how Laura was staring at her. When their eyes met, the blonde’s breath hitched. The air surrounding them changed drastically. There were only the two of them standing in that big living room, silence filling it to the brim. Their breathing was the only steady thing.  
  
Carmilla’s gaze wandered to Laura’s lips, then to her delicate neck, which was mostly covered by her thick straw-blonde hair. The brunette was being bold, when two of her hands suddenly found their place on the other woman’s shoulder. She was pinching the fabric of her old college sweater. She eyed the grey material, she clutched it, then averting her gaze to Laura’s eyes again, which were locked on her lips.  
  
She had gotten Laura to switch off whatever barrier there was between them. Carmilla would have been a fool, if she didn’t seize the opportunity and just kiss her, that much she knew. But then again, she wasn’t someone, who used people in that way. If Laura was up for it, she would have to do the first step.  
  
  
Laura on the other hand, had too many thoughts clouding her judgement, when thinking about, how those lips would feel against hers again. The last real memory of kissing Carmilla was the one, when she had surprised her (back then) teacher in their course room. The most recent kisses were nothing but a faint blurry memory. She didn’t even know, if she had imagined all of that or not.  
  
_Just for the night._ What would losing control just for the night mean?  
  
It wouldn’t be right. Carmilla was mourning her mother’s death and probably was confused. Laura couldn’t possibly take advantage of that, just because some hours ago reading Carmilla’s letter had caused her feelings to escape the deep hole she was keeping them in. It wouldn’t be right.  
  
Laura reached up and cupped Carmilla’s face with both of her hands, bringing her down to rest her forehead against her own, closing her eyes. She could smell that fabulous scent of hers. How was she still leaving her mind in a daze with only her presence?  
  
  
“Carm, are you okay?”, Laura asked after half of an eternity of just standing in each other’s space.  
  
“Please can we not talk about it?”, Carmilla pleaded, “Can we pretend, just for tonight that everything is perfect? That we don’t have a screwed up past and that there’s no death? That everything’s good between us.”  
  
“Everything _is_ good between us, Carm. I wouldn’t offer you to come with me, if it wasn’t would I? I am still your friend.”, the blonde whispered back, their eyes meeting and Carmilla slightly shook her head.  
  
Her response was a faint sound, “Maybe that’s the point. _My friend._ ” _I don’t want that. I never wanted just that._  
  
  
Suddenly Carmilla let go and stepped out of the intimate embrace/half contact, clearing her throat. That left Laura in a blush. Was it the first time that she blushed, since they had seen each other? It had never been a rare sight all those years ago, but now… Laura was more of a balanced person, who did’t lose her composure that quickly.  
  
  
“We should sleep.”, Laura suddenly suggested.  
  
“Right.”  
  
The blonde gestured towards her own bedroom and went ahead. Carmilla stood there and took some steadying breaths.  
  
_What are you doing, Karnstein?_  
  
  
  
 Carmilla was sitting on the edge of Laura’s bed, when the blonde came back from her bathroom fully dressed in a tank-top and some pajama pants. They shared a moment of eye-contact, before the brunette swiftly locked eyes with the carpet. Suddenly there were legs in her eyesight and her head snapped up. Laura was smiling gently -almost shyly- down at her.  
  
“You shouldn’t be alone tonight. Sleep with me in my bed…”, the blonde noticed her not so wise choice of words soon, as she corrected herself, “I mean, you know… As in sleeping… **Innocently**.”  
  
  
Only Carmilla Karnstein could turn her into this awkward mess.  
  
Carmilla smiled slightly in response and shrugged off her jacket. Laura took care of it for her, as she stepped into the living room and hung it on her coat rack.  
  
When Laura came back, she caught a glimpse of Carmilla’s almost half-naked state, when the brunette slipped under her covers only clad in her underwear.  
  
  
“ **Oh** … Uh… Did you want to borrow anything to wear to bed?”  
  
“No, your bedroom is pretty warm… I don’t know, how you can sleep in here…”  
  
Laura remembered, she had left her apartment with the heating system running.  
  
“Sorry… I already took care of it, I sort of ran out of my flat, earlier”, Laura also slipped beneath the blanket. They were separated by an arm’s reach.  
  
  
_Awkward._  
  
  
Both turned to face each other at the same time.  
  
  
“Carm, it really isn’t good to shove down your feelings, you know…? I would know… I am master of doing that… Which you also called me out for today, if I recall…”, Laura couldn’t help it. It wasn’t normal that Carmilla seemed -except for her phasing-outs- not to really care about her mother’s death. That meant it would end fatally, and she would break down any time. It was like a ticking time bomb.  
  
  
“Don’t worry your pretty head with that, sweetheart… I’ll be alright.”  
  
Laura reluctantly conceded, “Alright, if you say so…”, the blonde reached up to the switch beside her bed and turned off the lights. “Sleep well, Carm. It’s been a long day.”  
  
“Good night, Laura.”  
  
  
  
Sleep wasn’t coming that soon to Carmilla Karnstein.  
  
Without all the distractions and the noises coming to an end, all the feelings reemerged.  
  
  
  
_Your mother is dead. Your mother is dead. Your mother is dead._  
  
…  
  
Laura woke up and was a little disoriented (only 4 hours of sleep did that to her). A figure in the corner of her room caught her eye. Carmilla was sitting cross-legged (in her underwear) on her carpeted floor and looking through-  
  
  
“ **What are you doing?!** ”, Laura was immediately sitting in her bed wide-eyed.  
  
“I just…”, the brunette was panicking, “I was curious… Sorry, I shouldn’t have…”, she was going through the box that Laura had managed to put on her floor, before Carmilla had walked into her bedroom the night before.  
  
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have…”, the blonde was beside her ex-lover now and shoving the things inside.  
  
“Where’d you get a copy of my book?”, Carmilla wanted to know. _Crap._  
  
“Uh… Your mother gave it to me.”  
  
Shock was written on the brunette’s face, but surprisingly she didn’t even ask when, or how Laura had met Mrs. Karnstein. Carmilla just nodded and got up.  
  
  
“Don’t you wanna talk about this?”, Laura asked from her sitting position, shoving the things into the box again.  
  
“What’s there to talk about?”  
  
“Maybe speaking about my visit to your-”  
  
“Laura, I really don’t care okay?! I mean, I would have appreciated it, if you would have asked _me_. I would have gotten you a copy. _That_ _copy_ was my mother’s. I gave it to _her_.”  
  
“I got some news for you: Your mother gave her copy to me. I didn’t ask for it, if that’s what you are thinking.”  
  
“ **I said, I don’t care.** ”  
  
  
_Great, grief (=ignoring everything) had turned into anger + ignoring everything.  
  
_ However the blonde only knew too well that sometimes anger was a way to conceal your sadness deep inside.  
  
Laura huffed out a breath and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and take a shower. Hopefully whatever mood Carmilla was in, would subside until then.  
  
  
“Carm, what would you wanna-”, the blonde’s question was killed the moment she saw the author in her underwear lounging on her couch. “You can put on some clothes now, you know?”  
  
“Where would be the fun in that?” Carmilla smirked. “Wouldn’t be able to fluster you, if I did.”  
  
_Okay, mood: flirtatious Carm._  
  
“Don’t worry, you can’t get me flustered so easily, _cutie_.”, the blonde cocked her eyebrows, “I’ve seen you like _that_ a plenty of times. Actually with a lot less too.” Oh shit, Laura was so determined to counter all the mood-swings Carmilla would be having until completely breaking down. And she did a good job with it, she thought to herself.  
  
“Is that so?”, the brunette drawled and made her way to Laura, who was working in the open kitchen to fix breakfast.  
  
“Yeah. I am used to having beautiful half-naked women walking around in my house, ya know?” Okay, that was a shot in your own foot, Hollis.  
  
Carmilla was the one to arch an eyebrow now, only a single one. “ _Beautiful_ , huh?”, the dark haired woman suggestively asked, clearly ignoring the implication of Laura having women over every once in a while.  
  
“Well for your age, yes.” What a come-back.  
  
**Burn.**  
  
  
  
“Do you need to be somewhere today? I could drive you, if you need to be somewhere.”, Laura was being super considerate of her guest, who was quietly reading the newspaper whilst breakfast. Plus she was fully clothed again. Praise the lord for beautiful women- errr... **No** , praise the lord for beautiful, _dressed_ women. Or something.  
  
“The press is pretty fast with covering the news. My mother died only 9 hours ago and there’s already an article about it.”, Carmilla dodged the question.  
  
“What?”, the blonde made her way to where her ex-lover was seated and eyed said article suspiciously, “Great coverage, yeah…”  
  
“Hmn…”, Carmilla snorted, “If you were a journalist now, you’d be winning the jackpot.”  
  
Laura eyed the other woman in bewilderment, “What do you mean?”  
  
“Well, you once _screwed her daughter_ and apparently she was _close enough to you to gift you personal things_ , before she died, so you would be first-hand-witness or something and the story teller too. Sucks that you aren’t.”  
  
_Asshole-mode on, apparently._  
  
The blonde didn’t dignify the harsh words with an answer, but stood up (abandoning her muffin - _sigh!_ ) and got into her bedroom to change. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a second. She understood, how hard it was for Carmilla, she really did. Laura also had prepared herself to be victim of tiny taunts, but that went further than anticipated. Maybe letting down the guard and letting herself care wasn’t as good, as she thought.  
  
  
  
The next hour was a full portion of silent treatment. Conducted by the blonde. She had changed into comfortable jeans and a half-sheer black shirt that showed off her toned stomach. (Laura worked out now.)  
  
Carmilla’s eyes were trained on her, as if she was a star, the only shining star in the dark night sky. The problem though with stars was that they were so incredibly sad. Could anyone imagine them to be, when they shone so bright? Well, stars, they shine so bright for everyone to see, but they are only enveloped by darkness. Darkness that makes them shine the more. Beautiful, but somehow broken. The brunette knew, that her words from earlier had hurt the other woman. And yet she took the assault without starting a fight.  
  
Laura had taken any harsh words Carmilla had uttered against her. _She was too good to her_. Even now. And what had the dark haired woman done? Make her feel miserable, make her feel like anything she did, was wrong. She had told her, how much she had changed, how she wasn’t the woman she loved once. But she was there for her despite everything. Apparently she did care despite everything. Even Laura’s indifferent caring-self was 100 times better than her own aloofness.  
  
The TV-host was just passing Carmilla, when she reached out and fiercely tugged on her wrist, causing her to stop and yelp in surprise. The brunette rose up and enveloped Laura in a hug. She pressed her front to the blonde’s back and simply held her. She didn’t deserve it. Laura deserved much more than her aggressive alter ego, but Carmilla loved her so much and _just for that day_ she wanted to be able to be selfish.  
  
_Just for the day._  
  
Laura relaxed against her and sighed. Carmilla’s arms were draped across her stomach and her nose was buried in soft blonde locks. They smelled so great, the scent she wanted her nostrils to be spoiled with forever.  
  
_Just for the day._  
  
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier…”  
  
  
_Cuddly, regretful Carm._ Interesting.  
  
  
Laura couldn’t deny the way her heart picked up speed, when Carmilla touched her. And then her heart completely failed to beat (she was sure it did), when that warm body pressed against hers. She took a steadying breath, closed her eyes.  
  
_Just for today._  
  
The familiar feeling of her ex-girlfriend breathing in her scent -except Carmilla probably was just heavily breathing and not sniffing her- and the fact that her arms were holding her close conveyed a notion of finally being home. Funny, wasn’t it? Laura was in her apartment and never had she felt there more at home than with Carmilla (the woman, who left all those years ago, to return for a complete different cause).  
  
Which was the next problem. Carmilla would be going back soon. Now with Renata’s death. The brunette didn’t have a reason for wanting to stay. Her book tour was waiting for her. As much as Laura was relishing the embrace and it felt like Carmilla wouldn’t be letting go soon, Laura would be the one to have to let her ex-lover go soon.  
  
  
“It’s okay, Carm.”  
  
_Just for today._  
  
  
  
“I texted Eve that we could facetime, before her take-off… You don’t happen to have wifi?”, it was a rhetorical question.  
  
“Of course, the router is in the kitchen, the code’s underneath it.”, Laura was in midst of cleaning the huge TV-screen she barely used. Her father had urged her to buy one of those 4K screens at least.  
  
  
  
The facetime with Evelyn wasn’t as great, as Laura would have thought. She had given her guest a little privacy and was just about to make her bed, when she heard something hit... Well, _something_. And the sound of it wasn’t good.  
  
  
“What the-”, when Laura entered her living room, she saw Carmilla’s shattered phone on the floor.  
  
“Sorry… I think, I dented your wall a little.”  
  
Laura’s eyes darted to said ‘dent’ - it was pretty freaking huge, considering it had been just a phone. But the new iPhones were built with something that made them exceptionally hard and heavier than the ‘taco-phone’ models back in 2015.  
  
_Impressive. Raging gay-Carm._  
  
“Don’t worry about it… This place was too perfect before that.”, Laura said absently, “But what about your phone now…?”  
  
“What about it? I’ll just buy a new one… If you recall I just turned into a millionaire last night. Or billionaire? I really have no idea...”  
  
_Yikes._  
  
  
“Carm.”, the blonde sighed.  
  
Carmilla stood up and gestured with her hands, “What? I mean, I’ll be so damn rich that I could probably build you a fucking condo on Schlossberg. Hell, I could buy you that damn entire thing probably, and…”  
  
Laura bit her lip and slowly approached the brunette, who was flaunting on about how much money the Karnstein estates were worth and how fucking rich she was now. Carmilla never was like that. The blonde knew that this extremely unattractive jerk-behavior wasn’t her.  
  
  
“Carm…”, she was directly in front of the dark haired woman.  
  
“I’ll buy you anything you need Laura… I’ll buy you the freaking moon and you could be sitting up there and looking down on me. You’d be so fucking unreachable, but I would be able to see you every night. Wherever I am, I would be able to see you, if you’d be sitting on that damn thing.” Well talking in rage didn’t really do it for Carmilla.  
  
Granted, it was a sweet sentiment and frankly Laura didn’t know, why Carmilla was so keen on fixating on _her,_ but this whole thing had to stop.  
  
  
“Carm, I don’t need a condo on Schlossberg and I sure as hell don’t want to live on the moon.”, Laura said and took ahold of the hands that were still wildly gesticulating.  
  
“I’m just saying that you’d deserve all the things in the world. I would buy you anything you’d like. I _can_ buy you anything you’d like.”  
  
“Yeah…”, the blonde licked over her lips (something that didn’t go by the brunette unnoticed), “You know me, I don’t want that. I can provide for myself.”  
  
Carmilla knit her eyebrows and put on a thinking face.  
  
“I wish you’d need me, or that I would be to some use to you.”  
  
  
  
Laura was in deep thought. Sitting on her couch and thinking about what Carmilla had said half an hour ago. _I wish you’d need me._ The brunette had raided her liquor cabinet after that and was now sitting on the floor and drinking her most expensive red wine. Laura didn’t care, she just wanted to comfort the brunette. She didn’t care, if Carmilla drank her 200€ wine that she got for her last birthday. Laura didn’t care, if Carmilla were to decide to stay there for the next couple of hours, days, weeks, months, hell even years. Having her there with her was so invigorating and she should be ashamed of her own selfishness, but it felt so endlessly good. Even though the circumstances were a little... _Not so optimal?_  
  
Carmilla’s presence made her forget the emptiness in her own life. As miserable as the woman in front of her was, as bad her behavior was turning from minute to minute. Laura still felt the pull towards her. Even more now. After having read that letter it just came popping. It was terrifying and it was going too fast. However could it go too quickly, when you’ve known this person already…? _When you’ve already fallen in love with that person once?_  
  
  
“Carmilla, could you at least take short breaks between the-”  
  
The brunette was smirking smugly and provocatively took another sip of some tequila probably from when they still were dating back in the days. Laura couldn’t even remember to have that much stuff at home.  
  
It was possibly not a good idea to let Carmilla drown her sorrows. Laura had done that too often and never had it helped afterwards. Know what helps? _Crying_. Which the dark haired woman refused to do. She refused to go there. She refused to even talk about it. The walls around that special spot in her that held the words for that conversation could compete with the Great Wall of China.  
  
  
Laura decided to join her ex on the floor to be in control of her a little more.  
  
  
“How dare you?”, Carmilla looked a little distressed.  
  
“What? Sit on _my_ apartment floor? _I know, scandalous!_ ”, Laura fake-gasped and rolled her eyes. She was used to being semi-insulted by now. She could also counter pretty well. Carmilla needed her, needed _this_ , she could give her this comfort.  
  
“No…”, the author set the wine bottle aside, “How dare you be so beautiful?”  
  
Laura’s annoyed expression changed immediately into a worried one.  
  
“Gosh, you are pretty drunk, huh?”, the blonde had never seen a truly drunk Carmilla (except for that one time during Christmas, but that wasn’t first-hand). This sight was rare and although she shouldn’t be enjoying this and putting a halt to this, she couldn’t help herself but giggle. This was at least entertaining and-  
  
Carmilla scooted closer to her and rose up to her knees, so she was looking down on the blonde in front of her.  
  
  
“I _am_ drunk…”, she whispered. And the tone sent chills down Laura’s spine. _Just for today._  
  
“Carmilla, what are you doing…?”, Laura should have gotten out of that situation, but the woman was looking at her with those seduction- Were those **seduction eyes**?! _Holy crap._  
  
“But the fact that I’m drunk doesn’t make you any less beautiful. You are beautiful when I’m sober, you’re beautiful when I’m asleep, you’re beautiful when you’re asleep, you’re always beautiful, sweetheart…”  
  
  
Carmilla ran her fingertips over Laura’s face, her index drawing over her jaw, ever so lightly. Her thumb grazing her chin, then brushing over her bottom lip. The brunette looked as if she was studying Laura and the blonde could do nothing, but enjoy this. It was bizarre and so utterly wrong for hundred and one reasons, but she couldn’t help herself. It felt so good to be touched by someone physically and then having a mental impact out of it. **No one** had ever made her feel that way. Only Carmilla could. And now she knew for sure.  
  
_Just for today.  
_  
  
“So breathtakingly beautiful… How dare you be so beautiful, Laura…? So incredibly pulchritudinous _and_ _not mine_.”, the last part of the sentence was said in a whisper.  
  
_Pulchri- what now?_  
  
Laura’s response was a short exhale, when Carmilla’s hand left her face. Immediately she seemed to miss the semi-intimate contact.  
  
  
“But you are cutting me a break today right…? Because my mother died…? I would be able to do something wrong...?”, the brunette asked and crouched down a little, so their faces were only centimeters apart.  
  
It was a grotesque question and equally as grotesque was Laura’s answer.  
  
“Yeah… Just because your mother died…”, Laura didn’t even register that she had said it loud, because both were already leaning in, before Carmilla had uttered the question, leaving everything else not worth thinking about twice.  
  
  
“ _Just for today_ …”, Laura whispered against Carmilla’s lips, before they finally met.  
  
  
_Just for today._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This dork's going to dissolve into thin air now. - [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	35. It's You, And You Don't Even Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, f#*@ what happens?  
> What surprises did I hoard?  
> I'm such a cool bitch, I love it.

Wine and something else alcoholic was surprisingly not the first thing Laura tasted, when she kissed Carmilla.  
  
It was the distinct taste of her lips, the taste that she had secretly been craving, without even knowing it herself. What was it with people describing a taste of a bodily part? It didn’t fit her definition, it didn’t fit her imagination, of what the taste of lips could be like.  
  
Maybe it was the way Carmilla’s lips fit perfectly against hers, or the way she used just the perfect amount of pressure against her mouth, or the way her breath hitched, when they kissed. Maybe it was the texture of her lips. The smooth, soft almost velvety feeling between her own lips, when she parted hers for Carmilla’s.  
  
Perhaps it wasn’t all of that at all, but the thoughts Laura had after their lip-lock. Maybe it was her feeling at home again, more intense than before, when they were only holding each other -more precisely: _when Carmilla had held her against herself_. Maybe it was the feeling of being loved. Which was ridiculous. Carmilla couldn’t possibly be in love with her. Not anymore. The sweet-talking she was doing minutes before were a product of her intoxicated state. And her? She wasn't either, right? It was just a moment of weakness. That's what she told herself. Weakness for a woman she was once head over heels for. Completely and totally understandable, right? However that was not the main thought in her brains.

  
  
Everything went blank, because…  
  
Carmilla wrapped her hand around Laura’s neck, inhaling deeply in the process. The blonde tugged on the t-shirt Carmilla was wearing and pulled her closer by the fabric. The kiss was something else pretty soon. Breathing picking up, heart rates were going up too.  
  
The moment Laura felt Carmilla’s tongue brush up against her own, she couldn’t help but groan into the kiss. Maybe that was what a kiss tasted like? Laura came up to learn that every one’s saliva (yes, as gross as that sounded) had a distinct taste to it. Not at all like her own. However Carmilla’s didn’t. It was as if she was not anyone else, it was as if her body belonged to hers. There was no border, where Carmilla started or Laura ended or anything that could part them. They were one. _  
  
One entity._  
  
Carmilla’s second hand was sneaking its way over Laura’s thigh to the waistband of her jeans, one finger hooking into a belt-loop and tugging her closer. How was more contact possible? Their bodies were pressing on each other and there was nowhere to escape.  
  
Reluctantly Carmilla pulled back, with Laura’s lips still chasing her.  
  
  
“Do you… Do you think we should take this to your bedroom…?”, the look Carmilla was throwing accompanied with the sentence, did it for Laura.  
  
And **not** in the good way.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes were glassy, the alcohol speaking from her. Now Laura could smell it, before she was too engrossed by the event itself. Her ex-girlfriend was drunk and still mourning her mother’s death. This couldn’t be happening. As much as Laura would have wanted to- and no, it was **not** her sexual frustration that was speaking now- she never could use Carmilla like that.  
  
“Carm, no. You are drunk and-” _You are my ex that I kind of can’t just sleep with and discard the next day._  
  
The brunette leaned in again, trying to persuade the other woman by kissing along her jawline. Laura let it happen, leaning into the touch of her delicate lips for a moment, but her decision was final.  
  
“Carmilla, _I said no_.”  
  
The writer pulled back almost immediately, with a dark chuckle. One that made Laura shiver (not the good kind).  
  
The brunette suddenly let herself fall back down. There was a thud, Laura flinched at the sound.  
  
  
“Carm, are you hurt?”  
  
 Carmilla raised her left hand and a thumbs-up was the only answer.  
  
“Do you think that maybe we should talk about this?”, Laura began again.  
  
“What’s there to talk about?”, the brunette sighed.  
  
“Well, maybe you would like to explain to me-”  
  
“Laura, just don’t make a big deal out of this okay? I got caught up in the situation, won’t happen again.”  
  
Laura bit her lip, not sure, if she wanted it to _‘not-happen-again’_. She wanted it to happen again and- _Okay, woah there, Hollis_. She cleared her throat.  
  
“Well yeah… You are clearly drunk and upset and got carried away… Totally.”  
  
  
  
After some time Laura had enough of the sulking and quite frankly it was kind of gross, how Carmilla was lounging in her worn clothes from the day before on the floor.  
  
“Carm, up!”, Laura placed her hands under the brunette’s armpits and dragged her up, “You are gonna take a shower now.”  
  
“Are you coming with me?”, okay, she was a little more drunk now.  
  
“Uh huh, ladykiller, you wish. Come on, I’ll borrow you stuff from my closet. You need to get yourself cleaned.”  
  
  
  
“You were more fun back then, Laura.”, the dark haired woman said, while sitting on the edge of the bathtub.  
  
“Yeah? Well, we all grow up, right?”  
  
Carmilla reached up, while Laura was trying to find the right temperature of the water. The brunette got ahold of some blonde strands of hair, and the other woman cocked an eyebrow.  
  
“Carm, if you don’t take off your clothes now and get into the water, _I swear._ ”  
  
“Gosh, you sure like to boss me around, huh?”, that raspy, sexy voice.  
  
“I swear to god, Carmilla…”  
  
The brunette raised her hands in defeat. “Alright, alright jeez.” Her arms came to good use, when she yanked off her top and her fingers worked on the button of her pants, but that wasn’t that successful.  
  
“God, here, let me…”, the blonde displaced the useless hands of that drunk monster in front of her and Carmilla smirked up to her, while she effortlessly popped open the button of her jeans and unzipped said thing. _Pants? Gone._ Laura’s coolness? Gone too.  
  
“And the rest?”, Carmilla asked, but Laura just shook her head and pointed inside the bathtub.  
  
“I’m sure you can manage that on your own. Now get in there, I’m gonna find you some clothes to put on after.”  
  
  
  
Laura cursed herself for not having thought about putting the clothes in the bathroom first and then dragging her intoxicated ex-lover in there. Now she was sitting on the edge of her bed and contemplating on what to do next. She was sitting there, trying to focus on anything but Carmilla’s state of undress - _the uncut_ version.  
  
Well, that woman was a looker after all and Laura was blessed with a pair of eyes, of course that was a little problem. Plus they had been dating some years ago after all, so those feelings were completely normal, weren’t they?  
  
However, she knew, that she had to get into that bathroom soon, because frankly no one showered for that long. With reluctant steps she reached the door to her bathroom and knocked on the doorframe. She had left the door open after all.  
  
  
“Uh Carm, are you decent? I found some things that should fit you and uh…”  
  
_Silence._  
  
“Carm…? Are you…”, Laura stepped into the bathroom and immediately caught a glimpse of her ex-girlfriend sitting in the middle of the bathtub with no clothes on, shivering and… Was it…? She was crying.  
  
Immediately and out of instinct Laura put the clothes in reach and turned off the water that was hitting Carmilla’s back. It had already turned cold and explained, why the brunette was shivering.  
  
“Oh, Carm…”, Laura drove her hair through wet, dark curls and Carmilla’s hand snapped up to grab her wrist.  
  
“ **She’s dead.** ”  
  
“I know, Carm… _I know_ …”  
  
“That doesn’t make sense.”, the brunette shook her head, her shivering becoming more prominent.  
  
Laura grabbed a towel from behind her and draped it over Carmilla’s shoulders and tried to warm her a little, by rubbing on her biceps.  
  
“Carm… Would you want to get out of the bathtub? We can get into my bed… It’s warm there…”  
  
Carmilla only nodded and Laura cast her a warm smile, helping her up.  
  
  
  
Okay. _Reality check?_ There was a naked woman in Laura’s bed. A very naked, very attractive woman, who was lying almost on top of her and crying her soul out. For 2 hours straight now. Laura was stroking Carmilla’s bare back, trying to soothe her, while she was sobbing and leaving wet patches on her black top. Oh well, at least _that_ wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed. Her ex-girlfriend on the other hand…  
  
  
“I just got to know her like this… She said, she was proud of me and… How could all of it get so out of hand?”  
  
“I know… Oh, Carm… _I’m here_ … Just let it all out.”, Laura kissed semi-damp hair, and continued with stroking Carmilla’s back. They laid there like that for a while, until Carmilla decided to speak again.  
  
  
“I just don’t understand, why you’d put up with me…”, there was a dark chuckle to follow afterwards.  
  
“What do you mean?”, Laura genuinely wanted to know.  
  
Carmilla’s head snapped up, so she could look into the blonde’s eyes, while uttering her next words, “Why would you even care for me, Laura?”  
  
“I told you, because I’m your friend…”  
  
Carmilla snorted and closed her eyes. _This is not enough._  
  
“I do… Carm, you are still important to me.”  
  
“No, this answer isn’t enough, Laura.”  
  
“What do you want me to say?”  
  
  
Yeah, what did Carmilla Karnstein expect Laura to say to her? That she did it all for her, because deep down there was a part of her that still was in love with her former teacher? That she wasn’t over her yet? That Laura cared for her, because she wanted be more than friends with her? **Hardly.** Laura wasn’t in love with her unfortunately. And she was the reason for it.  
  
“Sorry… I think, I should go.”, Carmilla didn’t make a big deal out of it, when she stood up -naked- and went to the bathroom to gather her clothes.  
  
Laura couldn’t even freak out about the _naked_ -part, as she rushed in there after here.  
  
  
“Why? What’s wrong now?”  
  
Carmilla snorted, getting into her jeans, “It’s really nothing, Laura.”  
  
“Then why do you have to…”, Laura just noticed, that she’d been staring at her ex-girlfriend’s naked body and turned slightly to face the tiled wall, “Why don’t you stay? We can have lunch together… It’s late, but still.”  
  
“I really rather not… I still have stuff to do, because of the… Funeral and… Other things.”, the brunette passed Laura and the blonde followed her again like a lost puppy. She saw, how Carmilla unceremoniously stuffed her worn underwear from the night before into the back-pocket of her jeans.  
  
“Carm-”  
  
“Thanks for taking care of me yesterday and today…”, Carmilla’s gaze fell onto the broken phone (she had retrieved the sim card from that thing), “… I’ll give you the money to fix that dent in your wall…”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
  
Carmilla was chewing the inner side of her cheek for a moment, before clearing her throat, “Well… I oughta…”, she trailed off and was soon standing in front of the apartment door.  
  
“Should I-”, the door flew shut, “Okay, I guess you don’t want me to drive you…”, Laura said more to herself and picked up the discarded wine bottle from before and the broken phone.  
  
  
_What had set Carmilla so on edge?_  
  
…  
  
“So let me get this straight… You promise to take care of Carmilla, take her home with you and now you are telling me that you guys kissed, while she was drunk in your living room -which was totally your fault, because you wanted her to feel better, even though you know, how alcohol never is a solution?”, LaFontaine was such a good listener. They were willing to meet Laura for their lunch break. It was Monday and not much was going on in the hospital.  
  
“I guess, yeah… That pretty much recaps it.” Laura got hit by a french fry. “What the hell, LaF?”  
  
“Hollis! You are such an ass! You can’t kiss Carmilla, when she’s grieving!”  
  
“Well, I couldn’t really help it!!! _She_ was kissing _me_ , I swear! And I put a stop to it, as soon as I could,”, the doctor’s face said something like _‘Really? That all you got?’_.  
  
  
“How about you think about the fact that you gave her alcohol in the first place??”  
  
“Yeah, well… _That’s_ not the only thing… We spent some hours cuddling, while she was naked.”  
  
LaF closed their eyes for a second and knit their brows together, “I’m sorry, what?”  
  
“Well I found her dissolved and shaken up in the bathtub and-”  
  
“ _So you slept with her?_ Laura!!!”  
  
“ **NO I DID NOT!** Hear me out, gosh… Assumptions much? How come, you think so little of me?”  
  
“I just know you, L. It’s not really my fault that you have developed _a reputation as a little heartbreaker_.”  
  
Laura cleared her throat, “Anyways, as I was saying, she was laying there innocently and crying and then all of a sudden she jolts up and murmurs something about needing to be somewhere and I really don’t know, what I did to shift her mood so significantly.”  
  
“Well duh, maybe she was embarrassed of the kiss and lying on top of you naked or something?”  
  
“I really don’t know. I just hope she doesn’t think, I took advantage of her or dunno.”  
  
“Why don’t you just call her and find out? Make a peace offering?”  
  
“That’s the next problem. She’s broken her phone… _And there’s a big dent in my living room wall now_.”, the last part was said to herself.  
  
“Uh, what the hell have you guys been doing?”, LaF was grinning too smugly for Laura’s taste. She nudged them.  
   
  
“Tell me, what I should do. Would it make me look like a stalker, if I were to show up at her hotel?”  
  
“Uh, yeah _crushes-on-Carmilla_ much? Why is it so important for you to be on her good side?”  
  
“I’m not crushing on Carmilla… She’s… Well her mother just died and I just don’t want her to be alone. Her publicist flew home yesterday and god knows, what she’s been doing yesterday and today.”  
  
“Just let her be on her own for a while. As you said, _her mom just died_. She’s pretty shaken up from that already probably.”  
  
“Yeah…”, Laura stared off into distance.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was sitting in front of the hideous building she’d been inside some minutes ago. Her hair was flying loosely in the October wind and her mind was blank again. Renata Karnstein’s lawyer told Carmilla exactly what she had anticipated.  
  
_She was a multi-millionaire now._  
  
If she were to count in all the properties and lands her father had bought all those years ago all around Austria, she would probably be able to count a few millions to the big sum she was worth already.  
  
Ironically she was a multi-millionaire with a broken phone -or actually no phone at all.  
  
The brunette finally caught herself after some moments of debating about her life choices. Maybe she shouldn’t have spent so much time and effort into her education, because seriously? She wasn’t a teacher anymore and now had enough money to just buy a freaking university, if she wanted to -she knew though, how dumb that sounded. Carmilla reached into her leather jacket’s pocket and felt the keys to Karnstein manor -that she was the lone owner of now- in it. Her mind was racing back to a certain memory of hers.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
_Carmilla was dropped off by the young man, who had taken her to her graduation dance. He of course held the door to his car open for her and reached for her hand. She took it, smilingly thanking him and there they stood. In front of Karnstein manor._  
  
_The dark haired girl didn’t know, why, but it just hadn’t felt right the whole night. She’d seen her best friend Ell at prom. Ell had been there alone and when Carmilla had approached her, she said, she didn’t want to talk to her._  
  
_Carmilla was being bold, when she told her boyfriend to come with her to her bedroom. Her parents were asleep anyways, so they both snuck into her bedroom and the brunette locked it. After that his hands were on her waist, pulling her closer and he started placing kisses on her neck._  
  
_She really wanted to give in to that, enjoy it, but she couldn’t. She pulled away from him and told him that she had to make sure that her best friend was alright. The boy left with a grunt and a goodbye kiss. Carmilla immediately called Ell and told her, how she had hated prom without being able to talk to her. They made up and then each shared their personal stories of the dance._  
  
_The morning after prom-night Renata told Carmilla what a sweetheart her boyfriend was and that she was endlessly proud of her. The brunette had smiled and thanked her parent._  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
Carmilla didn’t know anymore which thoughts were worst. The ones about her past with her mother and ultimately realizing once again that her mother was dead or the ones about Laura and how she was still in that little bubble of hers and not seeing through her. It was infuriating for Carmilla that the blonde still hadn’t grasped that she was still (a little) in love with her and much more infuriating was the fact that the brunette just couldn’t say it to her.  
  
Why was that? Because the author feared rejection. She was much more alert, when it came to Laura Hollis. Carmilla could bite off her own head for being so stupid and insecure, but that’s what the blonde made her feel and it didn’t matter, how drunk she was, she knew that Laura had kissed her back two days ago. She had kissed her back and the brunette didn’t know, where that left them.  
  
…  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Guess, who has a phone again…_  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _I’m sorry for disappearing on Sunday._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Just had a lot on my mind._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Would you like to grab a coffee with me?_  
  
Laura read the messages after getting off from work, which was too late for coffee.  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _Sorry, I just read your messages._  
**Laura Hollis:** _How about tomorrow? I have off tomorrow._  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Actually tomorrow I wanted to drive up to my mother’s house. Grab some docs._  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _And I have to go check in what state my mother’s employees have left the manor in._  
  
Laura instantly had an idea.  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _Why don’t I come with you?_  
**Laura Hollis:** _I have a car._  
**Laura Hollis:** _Plus, you wouldn’t be so alone._  
  
Carmilla was resting on her hotel bed and eying her new phone incredulously. Laura had offered to drive to her mother’s house. They still hadn’t really talked about the kiss. Hadn’t really = not at all. Somehow there was a secret understanding between them that stated they didn’t have to talk about it.  
  
_Ugh, how wrong they were…_  
  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** _Okay. We can drive there together. How about 10/11ish?_  
  
Laura smiled at her phone.  
  
**Laura Hollis:** _I’ll be at your hotel at 10 in the morning tomorrow._  
  
  
  
The brunette was opening her calendar app and typing in the meeting with Laura (her publicist had taught her to be organized -even with little things like these), when it suddenly got to her. It was the 5th of October, which meant Laura’s birthday was only 4 days away.  
  
Carmilla planned on at least getting her a gift and giving it to her some day after/before her birthday. But then again she remembered that the blonde might not be so grounded with the whole mother thing, as her mother’s death day was inevitably also on that same day. How confusing.  
  
A commonality with Laura. Both of their mothers died in October. _How macabre._  
  
…  
  
Laura was waiting at the Mercure, like she promised, leaning on her car and holding two coffees. She had changed her usual elegant style of clothing into a more casual one. She’d changed her high heels for Converse and her dress for a pair of loose, ripped boyfriend-jeans and a sweatshirt.  
  
  
Carmilla exited her hotel and was blown away (like always, duh, _get it together, Karnstein_ ) by the blonde goddess that was Laura Hollis. She was leaning there nonchalantly with two take-away coffees in her hands, Ray Bans resting on the bridge of her nose. The wind let her hair sway gently and it was bugging her, that much you could tell, as she was slightly tilting her head to one side the whole time.  
  
  
“The tables have turned apparently.”, the brunette greeted her former lover.  
  
“Why’s that?”, Laura wanted to know and offered Carmilla a cup.  
  
“I don’t know, _you_ picking _me_ up with _your car_. You have that ‘cool, but unaffected’-look working for you. It suits you.”  
  
“Really? Some days ago you didn’t find it appealing.”, the semi-celebrity chuckled.  
  
“Yeah and still I…”, _Kissed you._  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went wide, as she realized, what was about to slip out of her mouth.  
  
“Still you _what_?”  
  
“Still I am talking to you, ain’t I?”, Carmilla said as smugly, as she could muster and it seemed to do the trick.  
  
Laura snorted and made her way to her side of the vehicle, “Get in, Carmilla.”  
  
The dark haired woman feigned shock, “What? _Laura Hollis!_ Where are your gentlewoman-qualities? Aren’t you supposed to open a door for a lady?”  
  
“I would, if that certain lady would be nice to me. Sucks for you, huh?”, Laura stuck out her tongue and got situated in her car.  
  
Carmilla missed this playfulness. _That was good._ With that she could live.  
  
  
  
“What have you been up to the last few days?”, Laura asked her passenger, who was staring out of the window, as Styria’s picturesque landscape was rushing past them. Carmilla’s eyes focussed on the driver and she squinted her eyes.  
  
“You mean in those _two days_ that we haven’t spoken to each other? Have you missed me that much already, sweetheart?” **Oops**. _Not sweetheart_ … Damnit, Carmilla had to find a new pet name for her. Or maybe **no** pet name at all?  
  
“I was just curious… With Evelyn gone… What you do all day…”  
  
“I am a big girl, Laura, I can take care of myself. Thanks for worrying… I was at the lawyer’s office yesterday. For the **un** official reading of my mother’s will. It all gets settled down in a month or so.”  
  
“Oh…”, the blonde didn’t know, how much the other woman was willing to share, but shockingly she opened up more than she had thought.  
  
“Yeah… The funeral is already next week on Wednesday. _She_ even took care of _that_. My mother, always the one in control, because _god forbid_ , her only daughter wouldn’t be able to pull _that_ off.”, the brunette rolled her eyes.  
  
“In exactly one week?”, Carmilla nodded in response, because Laura had averted her gaze to her for a second.  
  
  
The blonde decided to keep quiet after that. Sometimes her eyes would wander to the woman sitting beside her. Carmilla looked calm and sort of content, looking out into the world surrounding her. Was she wondering about the lives the other people they were passing lived? Would they know about the things she had suffered through? Would they know about anything resembling to that? Or did they already have to suffer far worse?  
  
Laura herself fell into a pit, where thoughts were the only thing that kept occupying her mind. Her car was driving a steady 130 km/h and there was nothing, no worry in the world, no sorrow. Laura was in her car with Carmilla and nothing else. No dead mothers, no creepy mansions to have to take care of or funerals that were coming up.  
  
It was nice to think of pleasant things for a change, but the first nice thing that popped into Laura’s mind was Carmilla kissing her two days ago and that involuntarily forced a smile on the blonde’s face.  
  
  
“What are you thinking of?”, Carmilla ruined her half-daydream.  
  
“Uh…”, Laura sat up straight and blinked twice, before continuing, “Nothing.”  
  
“Please just try to focus on the street. I’m still not trusting you with this whole _driving thing_.”  
  
For that Carmilla got smacked on her head lightly.  
  
“Oi, are you saying, I am a bad driver??”  
  
“Oh my god spaz, just pay attention to the road, will you?”, the brunette chuckled.  
  
Her mood was so much more lighter than on Sunday. She was sincerely smiling and almost all the sadness had been lifted off her chest. Almost. And still she looked flawless. Like nothing in the world could hurt that beauty. _Carmilla really was a beautiful woman_ , Laura thought to herself.  
  
  
“You haven’t aged a day, it seems.”, the blonde said dreamily. _Uh, Hollis, watch your mouth please._  
  
“What?”, Carmilla laughed out loud, “How the hell did you come up with _that_?”  
  
“Well, I mean… People age, _I_ have certainly aged, but you are still the same. Still like the last time I saw you… Well _6 years ago_ , I mean.”  
  
“Oh yeah? So, I am still good-looking?”, the brunette smirked too smugly. _Ugh she didn’t change at all. Not even her smugness._  
  
“You are so full of yourself sometimes.”  
  
  
  
Laura killed off her engine. They were standing in front of the iron gates of Karnstein manor. Carmilla was seemingly more tense than before. Her whole demeanor changed. She remained seated, while Laura was already around her car and opening the passenger’s seat. The blonde held out her hand.  
  
  
“Coming?”  
  
“How noble and chivalrous of you, Miss Hollis.”, Carmilla took ahold of it, trying to come off unaffected, but Laura knew her unfortunately too well.  
  
“Are you ready?”  
  
“Yeah… I just…”, she took a long breath and Laura intertwined their fingers together.  
  
In that moment Carmilla didn’t know, what was bumming her out more. The fact that Laura was holding her hand and that the contact made her unsteady on her feet or that she was just about to walk into the house full of her childhood memories.  
  
  
  
After some mental preparation by herself, _to_ herself, Carmilla unlocked the front door and led her ex-lover in. Laura was again mesmerized by the huge staircase that opened in front of her, after entering the house. Just in this moment the brunette remembered the last time they were in that house together. Not the usual childhood memories came, but the ones with Laura resurfaced.  
  
Along with it, the memory of their most recent kiss and _almost-whatever-would-have-happened-if-Laura-hadn’t-stopped_ (= **sex** Because yeah, that totally would have happened, she just didn’t want to admit to herself, how much she wanted to.) emerged from some dark corner of her mind. They had kissed and Laura hadn’t said a thing about it. The blonde was probably trying to act as normal as she could, because she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. _Yeah, of course that must be it._ She certainly wasn’t into it.  
  
Carmilla could have smacked herself. She almost had jeopardized whatever weird ‘friendly’ relationship she had with Laura now. It wasn’t ideal, but what in life was? Carmilla had lost both of her parents at the age of 30. That wasn’t particularly young, but still it wasn’t old either.  
  
  
“So… Where do we start?”, Laura asked insecurely.  
  
“I have to get some documents from her study and… I actually don’t know, what you do, when someone deceases. What do you do? Do I throw away any food that’s in the fridge? I mean, I googled it, they said I should look for anything that could expire.”  
  
“You googled, what to do, when someone dies?”  
  
“Uh… Well… I don’t know.”, Carmilla looked so helpless.  
  
  
“Let’s go to her study at first, okay? Get those documents you need? We’ll see after that.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Laura led them up the stairs, as if she’d been there a hundred times, as if this was the house _she_ grew up in. The blonde still knew her way around the house.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was sitting at her mother’s desk and going through some files, Laura observing her for some time, before speaking up.  
  
“Did you know that you and your mother have the same posture?”  
  
The brunette was confused for a second, before shaking her head slightly, “I’m sorry, what?”  
  
“Yeah, the second time we met in your mother’s office at SU…”, Laura chuckled, “I thought for a second you were your mother. You both have that certain power radiating off you. And grace. _Grace_ absolutely describes it perfectly.”  
  
“I’ll take it, if that was a compliment.”  
  
“It was…”, Laura let her gaze wander to the ceiling, where Carmilla’s eyes followed, “I love ceilings with this type of crown mouldings. I have that in my apartment too. You only see that in the older buildings built before 1950, so that is a rare thing... This really is a beautiful house.”  
  
The dark haired woman broke into the gentlest of smiles, laying her documents on the desk and standing up, offering Laura her hand. _If you think, that is beautiful..._  
  
  
“What?”, Laura eyed the hand suspiciously.  
  
“Don’t you trust me?”  
  
The blonde met Carmilla’s soft, but yet playful gaze and gave her the most honest answer, “I have always trusted you, Carm.”  
  
  
Carmilla led them out of the room and in the opposite direction to where Laura knew Renata and her own bedroom was situated. The mansion really was huge. The blonde hadn’t paid that much attention the last time they’d been there, but now could see that there was a whole different ‘section’ of the mansion. The brunette opened a winged double door and Laura entered the ominous room, which was a kind of living room mixed with mini-library.  
  
The dark haired beauty didn’t aim for the books though, as the other woman had suspected, but led her further into the room, parting the curtains and opening a glass door.  
  
  
“You have a balcony on this side of the house?”, Laura asked in awe and looked down to the back yard of the manor, while stepping outside with her ex-lover.  
  
“Yeah, it goes the whole length of this part of the back wall.”  
  
  
Carmilla leaned onto the railing, like Laura was, and eyed her sidewards.  
  
“I used to come here often as a kid to read or do my homework.”  
  
“I can imagine…”, the blonde said, with her gaze trained on the magnificent landscape opening up before her. She bit her lip absently and a small smile was decorating her lips. She pictured a tiny version of Carmilla invested in her books.  
  
Carmilla watched her for a long time, her eyes following Laura’s tongue, as it gently soothed the part of her bottom lip that was worried only seconds before.  
  
  
“It’s nice here, Carm… So calm and I can imagine the people here to be without any worries… It’s peaceful.”  
  
The author chuckled, “Yeah, as a child I never appreciated it so much. It was nice, but I never saw it like that.”  
  
Laura didn’t move her head to meet Carmilla’s eyes, who was staring unashamedly at her ex. She was so beautiful. Her straw-blonde hair shining in the sun beautifully. Her eyes shining lighter than she’d seen them since they’d met a week ago at the author’s display. Carmilla wanted to reach forwards and kiss her. Kiss her senseless, that woman that dared to mock anything worth calling _beautiful_ around her with her own beauteousness.  
  
  
“Hey Laura?”, Carmilla wanted her undivided attention. Just when the brunette didn’t continue, Laura finally looked in her direction.  
  
“What is it?”, she threw her a look of confusion with the prettiest of smiles.  
  
“I… Uh…”, she couldn’t just kiss her, not before she didn’t know, what the last kiss had meant, “I need to talk to you about something.”  
  
Laura now shifted a little, so that her whole body was turned to Carmilla. “Sure, what did you want to talk about?”  
  
  
“Sunday…”  
  
The blonde inhaled deeply and nodded, looking expectantly at the other woman.  
  
“I kissed you.”  
  
“You did.”  
  
“And you kissed me back.”  
  
“I… _Did_.”, Laura admitted and their eye-contact just turned more intense.  
  
  
_Silence._  
  
  
“Where does it leave us?”, Carmilla asked.  
  
“You were drunk, Carmilla.”  
  
“But you were **not** …”, Laura sighed at the reply.  
  
“Can we please not talk about that? You made a mistake, I get it… I was just caught up in-”  
  
“But that’s the whole point… _I don’t think it was_ …”  
  
Laura’s facial expression changed within seconds, her brows knit together. “What are you saying?”  
  
  
“Laura…”, the brunette tilted her head to the sky and then fixated the blonde’s stare with her own again, exhaling deeply, “You know, how I feel about you. You gotta know, because I am not the most subtle person… Not when it comes to _you_. I don’t leave much to the imagination. The timing of this is totally bad and who knows, what tomorrow may bring us. But if my mother’s sudden death has taught me anything, it’s that life’s too short to hope for the _‘somedays’_. Life’s too short to hope for the _‘laters’_ or maybe even the _‘someone elses’_. I have spent a long time just trying to tell myself that I can find someone, who I love as much as I loved you, as much as _I love you_, no past tense. And I can’t. I had a hard time understanding why, until I saw you again Laura… The problem with me is not the fact that I am broken or that our relationship that we’ve had some years ago, has left me devastated. It’s simply the fact that I am completely and infinitely in love with you, even after all those years. Even if we stand here as completely different people, it’s always been you, Laura. I have thought about that the past two days and I came to the conclusion that I have never fallen out of love with you. And it may scare you now and I don’t want that, not at all… _I just want you to know_ , because it’s killing me to be here with you and you not being aware of it. You have to know and acknowledge it. Whatever your response to this is, I’ll accept it, but I just wanted you to know that.”  
  
Even if the response would have been a bad one, she would have accepted it.  
  
  
“Wow.”, the blonde eyed the floor beneath them, being left speechless was something she didn’t come past these days anymore, “Where is this coming from now, Carm?”  
  
“As I said, I never felt any other way. I just tried to conceal it with seeing other people… I mean, you sure have been in relationships too.”  
  
  
_If you knew…_  
  
  
“Uh huh… And quite frankly this all would have been a little awkward, if I was in one now…”, Laura said under her breath and looked at Carmilla, who threw her a questioning glare.  
  
“Are you in a relationship right now?” _Fuck._  
  
“What? No, no, no, no. If I were, I hardly would have kissed you back.”, the blonde said and Carmilla was relieved. Laura herself wasn’t sure if that was true. In the moment Carmilla had looked at her like _that_ , she was gone. Lost cause. Adiós self-preservation. Any kind of human common sense leaving her body. She just wanted the brunette to stay glued to her lips forever.  
  
  
Carmilla dared to step closer, eying Laura in the process meticulously. The blonde only bit her lip and shyly looked at the floor. The writer tipped Laura’s chin up and locked eyes with her ex-lover, asking for approval, when she finally was standing in her space fully. When still no objection came, Carmilla leaned in to capture the lips that were presented to her.  
  
And Laura kissed her back. _Or maybe even she initiated it._ It was all the brunette needed to feel at peace with the world’s cruelty again. It was all Carmilla had ever wanted.  
  
But what were her words again? _Nothing lasts forever._ Laura was also the one, who ended the kiss with a quick pull back. Everything vanished at once.  
  
  
“What the…?”  
  
“Carm… _Not like this_.”, the blonde shook her head frantically.  
  
“I’m sorry, I thought…”, then the dark haired woman tried a different approach, even if it meant breaking her own heart, “Tell me, you don’t feel the same about me and I’ll back off. For good.”  
  
  
“No, _I can’t do that either_.”  
  
“You have to… Because otherwise it’s not fair.”  
  
Laura huffed out a breath, she was annoyed, “Carmilla just shut up for a sec, and let me catch up with my thoughts for once please.”  
  
A moment of silence passed them.  
  
  
“Okay so…”, Laura swallowed the lump in her throat down, “What you said… With relationships and second chances… Carmilla, I have had… _Screwed up relationships_ in the past 5 years too, you’re right.”, that was one way to put it, “I admit, _they_ haven’t felt right either… And I’ll also admit that _you_ … Feel completely different. Hell, I even dug out that letter you sent me two weeks after you left, because I thought, I could forget you that way... Funny, how wrong I was with that... It made me realize that our love was real. I felt it, I felt all of it, when reading that letter. I believed you after all those years, I believed you for the first time, which is ironic, because it was just a damn freaking letter. I never thought, I’d ever say that to you again, but you do make me feel alive… No one could compare to you... However this is also the reason _I can’t_ …”, Carmilla’s expression immediately faltered and Laura shook her head and prevented her from thinking the absolute wrong thing, “I mean… Look… We are not in the place to decide something like this now. You can’t ask me to just jump into a relationship with you again-”  
  
“Well I wasn’t proposing or anyth-”  
  
“Shut up, Carmilla. I know _that_ , but look… You are still processing this new development of your life. Your mother just died and you were left behind to deal with god knows what you have to deal with. I finally found a job that I like, even if it’s just a silly little job right now. I know, you wouldn’t believe it, but actually this media kind of thing works for me. Although I don’t really like the talk show format. Whatever, not the point, but you keep forgetting the biggest thing. You are currently residing _on the other side of the world_ and _my life is here._ ”  
  
Way to bring the mood down.  
  
Carmilla let out an exasperated sigh, “So what are you saying? That the connection we have, is not enough?”  
  
“No… It’s just… You have your book tour right? You will have to eventually go back to Chicago. We will be separated soon.”  
  
“But I could make this work… I have mother’s private jet now and-”  
  
“Carm, I need time to overthink this, okay? I’m still not processing that you’re here. And definitely not processing you going away again soon… I can’t process, what your new revelation means yet. And aside all of that, I don’t know, if I -theoretically speaking- would want to be in a long distance relationship.”  
  
“I’m at least staying until the end of next week...”  
  
“And then?”  
  
“Can’t you for once just dive right in? What’s holding you back, Laura? I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me... Not right away... Just...”, Carmilla didn’t know, how to express herself, so she opted to open up her heart once more, “I love you, that’s all I know for now.”, it was desperate and her look turned into a more pleading one.  
  
  
Laura bit her lip, thoroughly contemplating on the made declaration of love. Carmilla just handed her her heart. _She served her her freaking heart on a silver platter._ Something Laura was fearing so much, and in the same time wanted much more. The blonde was having an inner battle with herself. Carmilla was right with asking her, what was holding her back, because although she had like a million reason not wanting to do what was asked of her- hold on, what was asked of her?  
  
“What do _you_ want Carmilla? Tell me, how your side of the plan looks like.”  
  
“I just want you to open up to me. I am not asking anything of you. I just want you in my life again. I _need_ you in my life again. Even if it’s as friends for now, I just need to know that there’s hope for us.”  
  
“That I can manage… I think...”, Laura nodded her head thoughtfully.  
  
“And no more of that closed up shit. _I want the real you_. With all the nasty traits you have trained on yourself the last couple of years, I wanna get to know you again. I get that you can’t be the Laura Hollis that was my student, hell I don’t even want that, but I want the raw version of yourself now. With all your quirks, all your crazy delusional things. Just be you and let this happen please… Wherever this leads us. You set the pace.”  
  
Carmilla was seeking for those wonderful honey colored eyes again, which in that moment snapped to meet hers.  
  
  
“What do you say?”, Carmilla patiently awaited a response to her question.  
  
“I say, it’s a lot right now, but when you say you can handle being friends for now... Then **yes**.”  
  
That was good enough. None of the ‘I am your friend and it’s ultimate’ shit. This meant, there was room for more. Right in that moment Carmilla would have wanted to jump Laura and kiss her until none of them could breathe anymore, but decided against it, not wanting to scare that poor woman away with that. She wanted to do the exact opposite, so taking it slow it was.  
  
“Perfect. That’s good. I can live with that for now.”  
  
“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna see, how 'good' I am with social media: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	36. Etched Into My Mind, Darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura spends her birthday with a special someone.  
> Carmilla is such a huge friggin' sap sometimes.  
> There is so much angst in this chapter.

Laura was resting on her couch and finishing her preps for work, before heading to the studio. The maroon hardcover was resting on her coffee table now for a few days and she still hadn’t brought herself to open it and just read. What was she so afraid of? Whatever Carmilla had written in there, Laura was sure, she would enjoy. Enjoy it as a literary piece of art, but as her ex-lover, who the book possibly is about…?  
  
Suddenly something came to her mind.  
  
**Laura:** _What’s your middle name?_  
  
**Carm:** _What?_  
  
**Laura:** _I dated you once and I don’t know your middle name_  
**Carm:** _How did you come up with that?_  
**Laura:** _Carmmm_  
**Laura:** _Please?_  
**Carm:** _I’ll tell you, if you tell me yours._  
**Carm:** _I don’t know yours either._  
**Carm:** _I dated you too_ :P  
  
**Laura:** _Cassidy_  
**Carm:** _Laura Cassidy Hollis. LCH. LeeCH._  
**Carm:** _Haha_  
  
**Laura:** _That was very creative_  
**Laura:** _Common, now tell me yours_  
  
**Carm:** _You’ll make fun of me._  
**Laura:** _I promise not to_  
  
**Carm:** _Fine, I’ll tell you, if you have dinner with me tonight._  
  
**Laura:** _I have to work tonight._  
**Laura:** _TV-star remember?_  
**Laura:** _Today’s Friday_  
  
**Carm:** _But I need to see you tonight_  
  
**Laura:** _You can see me tomorrow?_  
  
  
Carmilla was just about to get into the shower, when she read the last message she got from Laura.  
  
_Tomorrow?_  
  
The next day was the 9th, which ultimately meant it was her birthday. Did Laura really not have plans on her birthday? Carmilla had of course gotten the blonde birthday gifts (yes, plural), she actually had the most ultimate gifts for her, but she never had dreamt of actually being able to spend the day with Laura. Carmilla decided to be a little bolder.  
  
**Carm:** _If I can claim you for the whole day tomorrow, I’ll take that over tonight_  
  
**Laura:** _I wouldn’t be able to squeeze you in tonight anyways. Tomorrow, come by whenever, I am free_  
  
The brunette smiled. She had Laura Hollis on her birthday, all for herself.  
  
…  
  
_Laura was sitting across from Carmilla on the roof of Silas University, both enamoured with each other, not paying attention to the frat party-goers that were chanting something resembling to ‘Pizza or death!!!’._  
  
  
_„Oh gosh, it’s past 12!“, the older woman exclaimed, while she was checking her wristwatch._  
  
_Laura was so in thoughts that she was slightly confused, „And now?“._  
  
_„You make your birthday wish.“, Carmilla replied, as if it was the most normal thing in the world._  
  
_Laura smiled at the other woman and closed her eyes. There was only one wish she could think of, even though she feared that it would not come true. Some seconds passed, and just as she was about to open her eyes, Carmilla’s lips landed on hers in the softest of touch. Her heart fluttered heavily in her chest, her stomach tightening, her breath hitching._  
  
_What the simplest of touch could do to you…_  
  
  
Laura woke up to a signal tone. Her eyes shot open. _What the hell was that dream about?_ Why had Laura dreamt about kissing Carmilla?

She found that noise maker after some groping around on her nightstand. It was full of messages to congratulate her on her birthday. **UGH.**  
  
  
**LaF:** _Happy Birthday!!!_ _How does it feel to be closer to the 30ies than the 20ies?  
_  
**Lois Lane:** _OMG I hate you so much_  
**LaF:** _Is that how you speak to your best friend?_  
**Lois Lane:** _And is that your birthday wish for me?_  
**Lois Lane:** _Seriously?_  
  
**Perry:** _Happy birthday Laura! We love you. Expecting you tomorrow at 12!_  
**Perry:** _Long live our TV-star, you were great in yesterday’s show, by the way!_  
  
Laura screenshotted the conversation with Perry and sent it to her partner.  
  
**Lois Lane:** _She should rub off on you more_  
  
The blonde tried to not to read the innuendo -her own one in that case- but still that image made her sick.  
  
Laura decided to ignore the texts and tweets and all the other things that indicated her that she was indeed now one year older. 26. What a dull number, she thought to herself, while brushing her teeth. Carmilla hadn’t told her, when she was coming by, but it was her birthday and she decided to sleep in a bit. Plus she was ambushed by her colleagues the previous night, when they popped open a bottle of champagne and cut a cake to celebrate into her birthday with her.  
  
The blonde didn’t like her birthday that much anyways (that being the reason, why she invited Carmilla to come keep her company after all). She wanted to spend it at home, maybe watch some movies and do some cleaning in her apartment.

  
**Carm:** _Open your door, princess_  
**Carm:** _Don’t know, which button to press_  
  
**Laura:** _You here already?_  
  
It was only half past ten.  
  
**Carm:** _I did book you for the whole day, didn’t I?_

  
  
Laura incredulously went to her intercom. “Hello?”  
  
“Laura Cassidy Hollis, let down thy hair. Or uh, I guess open thy door, m’lady.”, Carmilla said in a mockery voice and Laura laughed out loud, before buzzing her in.  
  
  
After a few minutes, the brunette finally knocked on her apartment door. Laura had checked herself out in the mirror (not really having time to change into something else than jeans and a plaid shirt). The blonde opened the door and immediately was surprised at the multitudes of bags surrounding Carmilla’s legs.  
  
The dark haired woman leaned forward, placing a hand on Laura’s waist, tugging her closer and surprisingly enough, she only kissed her on her cheek -although very fiercely (Laura momentarily thought that Carmilla was going to kiss her on her mouth- which she kind of wouldn’t even be opposed to...). “Happy birthday, Laura.”, Carmilla whispered into Laura’s ear, before releasing her.  
  
  
“Oh… Thanks.”, the blonde rubbed the spot her ex-lover’s lips had been at some seconds ago, while Carmilla was dragging in the bags. Just then she noticed, “Wait, you know it’s my birthday?”  
  
Carmilla chuckled lowly, “Sweetheart, have you still not wrapped your head around _my fantastic memory_? I was with you on your 20th birthday, remember?”  
  
“But we weren’t even dating back then!”  
  
“Yeah, but I kind of was already becoming infatuated with you by then.”, the brunette winked and closed Laura’s door, after having dragged in every single bag.  
  
The semi-celeb huffed out a breath, “What are those anyways?”, Laura was eying the countless bags by the entrance.  
  
“I decided to cook lunch for you… So I went shopping, because I didn’t know, what you had at home and one bag contains your birthday cake and the other some decoration, which means I got you some helium-filled balloons and the last bag contains your gifts.”  
  
“Carmilla- What the?!”  
  
“It’s your birthday, deal with it. _I’m your friend_ , remember? Friends do those things…”, Carmilla frowned, “I think. I don’t know, I never counted to those people, who have a lot of friends.”  
  
“Carm… That’s…”, the blonde was almost tearing up.  
  
“Oh fuck, did I do something wrong? I mean, I know, you don’t like this day so much, because of your mother, but-”  
  
Laura lunged at Carmilla and they clashed together in an awkward hug.  
  
  
“Shut up… I should be the one worried for you and your mother. Your loss is still fresh.”  
  
“Doesn’t mean it makes it more important…”, the brunette took in Laura’s scent and pressed her more fiercely against herself. “It’s _your day_ today… I just wanted to make you happy.”  
  
_Because that is the number one thing that makes me happy._  
  
  
“For someone, who’s **not** dating me…”, the blonde pulled back a little, “… You sure are acting like the perfect girlfriend.” _You always were._  
  
Carmilla couldn’t help herself, but imagine, how it would be to just lean forwards and place a chaste kiss on Laura’s lips, but she refrained herself from it. However, it seemed like the blonde was kind of- **Okay.** Carmilla really was delusional, because for a second there she thought, Laura was going to kiss her. She of course immediately and awkwardly cleared her throat and stepped out of the embrace, lifting up some bags and placed them on the kitchen counter.  
  
  
  
“What are you making there anyways?”  
  
“I’m making you plain old spaghetti Bolognese, but the traditional recipe. As in… Slow-cooking the sauce for over 2 hours. That’s why I am here so early.”  
  
“Oh fancy…”, Laura leaned into the counter next to Carmilla and eyed her. She was definitely doing better than some days before, but the blonde still was being a little cautious around her.  
  
  
“You looked fantastic yesterday by the way. I watched your live talk show.”, the brunette winked in the TV-host’s direction.  
  
“You know, you shouldn’t flirt that much with me, just because it’s my birthday.”  
  
“Laura, I _always_ flirt with you. You just decide to ignore it.”  
  
The blonde narrowed her eyes and relented, “I guess you do… But anyways, it’s cool that you watched it! How did you like the show? And our guest?”  
  
“You mean that creeper?”, Carmilla scoffed, “He has no knowledge whatsoever about his own work, and can’t even present it the way he should be able to. Your questions were on point. Even that douchebag that cohosts with you knew more than-”, Carmilla stopped her rant, because Ms. Hollis was looking at her in that specific way.  
  
  
“Don’t let me stop you.”, Laura urged with a big grin.  
  
“You are staring at me, like I’m the biggest fool.” _I probably am._  
  
“No, _I love you_ , when you do that.”, Laura caught on to what she said, her eyes widened, “I mean, _I love_ that you can get so passionate about things you have an idea about.”  
  
“Yeah well, I did write my dissertation about modern English Literature, it would be a shame, if that didn’t come to any use.”  
  
“Maybe you should come to my show then. I would enjoy interviewing you so much.”  
  
“Mhm, you wish, but Carmilla Karnstein doesn’t do interviews.”  
  
“Such a shame.”, Laura pouted.  
  
  
  
  
“How come you didn’t have plans today?”, Carmilla wanted to know in-between shovelling spaghetti down her throat.  
  
“I never liked my birthday that much, as you might remember… So I never really think about doing anything. I have plans tomorrow though. LaF has half of their Sunday off, so we decided to eat lunch together at their place. Primarily they and Perry invited me to their date night tonight, but I kind of wasn’t up for being a third wheel.”  
  
  
“So the ginger twins are still together, huh?”  
  
“Oh yeah right… I didn’t mention it. They are married even. It’s almost 9 months now.”, Laura counted in her head.  
  
“Would you look at that… So many things can happen in 6 years.”  
  
The blonde nodded, “I wonder where we would have been…”, Carmilla raised an eyebrow, so Laura elaborated, “I mean, if you and I hadn’t broken up and our relationship had started on complete different terms of course.”  
  
“I don’t know… Never thought about it that intently.” Of course Carmilla had thought about it, but everything was going so great and she didn’t want to scare off Laura by saying _‘Gee, I would have proposed after 2-3 years and probably we would have been married by now and living in our own house.’._  
  
  
“Do you believe in marriage?”, Laura suddenly asked out of the blue.  
  
Carmilla choked on her food and coughed vigorously. _Damn you!_ “ **What?** ”  
  
“Well, I mean we were talking about that. Do you believe in the concept of marriage?”  
  
“What are we talking about? Because, if you mean the Christian concept of _trapping a woman with a man_ , then I would definitely say no. However…”, they locked eyes, “If we are speaking the concept of love? Then a hundred percent, yes I do believe in marriage. I believe in promising each other love. I believe in promising each other to be there for one another in the more fortunate and the less fortunate days. I believe in trusting each other. I believe in being each other’s anchor, when the other one has lost their footing. _I believe in a love like this_ , yes.”  
  
Those words tugged on Laura’s heart. She sighed.  
  
  
“You always knew, how to impress ladies.”, the blonde chuckled.  
  
“Why? Did you like my answer?”  
  
“Of course. Who wouldn’t?”  
  
Carmilla hummed, more to herself than as a response, “It’s weird.”  
  
“What is weird?”, Laura wanted to know.  
  
“A week ago everything was shit, and now, here with you, I feel invincible.”  
  
Carmilla was smiling sincerely at the other woman, who tried to hide her blush behind her wine glass, whilst taking a sip of the red, velvety drink.  
  
  
  
  
“You ordered a confectioner to make me a cake out of cookies and cream?”, Laura asked incredulously, when she opened the white box that claimed to hold a birthday cake.  
  
“Yes, with 26 different types of chocolate bits in the cookies, because you are turning 26. Although I’m pretty sure, you won’t be able to taste the difference, once all of it is mixed in your mouth.”  
  
“Carm… This is too much… What the hell?”  
  
“You don’t like it…”  
  
The brunette was starting to feel bad, but then Laura tugged on her hand and they locked eyes and there was again a moment. “ _I love it_ , Carm.” That special moment was totally fleeting, because Carmilla suddenly jumped up and made her way to the kitchen to get a knife.  
  
  
Laura observed her ex-lover in the far back of her living room, where her open kitchen started. She easily had adapted to her kitchen and knew, where all of the things were situated by then. So, quickly a knife was found. Laura got her phone out and started snapping some pictures.  
  
Suddenly Carmilla was coming her way with a huge-ass-knife.  
  
  
“Cut your cake, birthday girl.”  
  
Laura took ahold of the weapon and slaughtered her cookie cake with one swift motion.  
  
“Oh my god, I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”, the blonde spoke it to the cake, although she was sure that it also applied to the woman next to her to some extent, even though she couldn’t really admit it _yet._ Not with them being _this way._  
  
The blonde got ahold of her phone and took some pictures in the process. Also sneaking up on Carmilla, who was amusingly watching her giggle and take snaps of something so inanimate and boring as a cake.  
  
“Come on, take a picture with me!”, the selfie-queen spoke and Carmilla groaned, but scooted closer, to be in frame. When she did that, Laura sneakily put some cream on her cheek and licked it off in a quick motion. Everything captured by the camera, as it was recording a video. Laura then placed her phone on the far corner of the coffee table, resting it in front of a stack of magazines, as it continued to record them.  
  
Carmilla was surprised by the action, to say the least. The wet spot that Laura had left on her cheek was still tingling. God, she couldn’t contain herself much longer, so she excused herself, while the blonde was starting on devouring the delicious dessert/however you call a calorie bomb like that.

In the bathroom Carmilla looked herself over in the mirror. Her top that showed off a little bit too much of her décolleté, also indicated her, how much of an inner wreck she was right now. Her chest was heaving. Laura Hollis most probably would be the death of her.

  
  
When Carmilla came back from the guest bathroom, which was just the door next to the guest room -which she also learned on that afternoon existed in the first place- she saw, how Laura was erratically gesturing with her free left hand, while holding her phone to her ear with the other.  
  
  
“Thanks dad, _I know_ … Yeah… I am _not alone_ again this year… With a _friend_ … Yeah, it’s a _female friend_ … God, _I’m gay_ , what difference does it make? If anything, that should worry you the more … I know Krav Maga dad… Uh huh… Thank you again… Bye.”  
  
The blonde apologized for the phone call, which Carmilla just dismissed by saying she was the birthday girl and calls like that were absolutely acceptable. Especially when it was her dad.  
  
  
“Wanna open your presents?”, Carmilla asked, and the blonde turned to face her.  
  
“Carm… This is all too much already…”  
  
“Nothing could be enough for you, Laura.”  
  
In that moment Laura thought about how one week ago Carmilla was talking about buying her the moon or whatever she was talking about. It was very unattractive to say the least, and even though she knew, Carmilla meant it in a sweet way (she hoped), the reminder of that now wasn’t that welcome.  
  
  
“Carm… You do know that I don’t like expensive gifts right?”  
  
The brunette was confused for a bit, “Well you would be surprised at how cheap my gift for you was actually.”  
  
“Really?”, the TV-host couldn’t believe that, because up to that moment everything screamed ‘decadent’.  
  
“Yeah… One was free and the other one, well… Hell, even Eve’s gift last year was more expensive.”  
  
Okay, now that sounded really interesting.  
  
  
“Is it a pack of cookies? Because you’d make me so happy with it.”  
  
“You’ve just had a cake made of cookies and cream, what more do you want, Laura?”, Carmilla had this _not-approving-look_ on her face mixed with slight disgust.  
  
“So it is not edible?”  
  
“No, I guess it’s not… Why don’t you just open?”  
  
Laura nodded and took the gift bag that Carmilla was holding up. The first thing was a wooden box with an exquisite bottle of wine in it -which was much more expensive than the one the brunette had finished up a week before. When Laura was about to protest and scold her for telling her that the gift wasn’t expensive, Carmilla interjected.  
  
  
“That is not really a gift actually, it’s an apology for my behavior last week and ought to be treated as a replacement in your magnificent liquor cabinet.”  
  
“You _do know_ that that wine wasn’t replaceable, right? It was from 1997. Some special harvest.”  
  
You could see, how sorry the brunette was and how bad she felt, “I’m so sorry!!! Do you have the label? I can check, if I can find a bottle an-”  
  
“Carm, it’s okay, really. It’s not like it was a complete waste.” _I got to kiss you._  
  
“What do you mean with _it was not a complete waste_?”  
  
“Well… Uh you got drunk for a good reason, _that’s_ what I meant.”  
  
Laura licked over her lips (which… _ugh_ Carmilla could only stare in that direction) and fished out the next thing. It was wrapped up and it was pretty soft.  
  
“What is this?”, the blonde asked, after unwrapping the thing. It was a button-down shirt in a navy color. Carmilla had learned that Laura wore a lot of blue. Whenever that changed.  
  
  
The brunette just shrugged her shoulders, aware of the fact that Laura didn’t get her little inside joke. One day she would figure it out. “Just thought I should get you the right attire for windy autumns. Hope, it fits. Would be a shame, if it didn’t.”  
  
“It will be fine. Thanks, _I guess_?”, Laura eyed her a little suspiciously and retrieved the last wrapped gift from the bag. _What the hell?_  
  
“You’re welcome. Hope, it’s your style. I don’t really know, what you wear anymore.”  
  
“It does fit into my closet, yes… But I am still not sure…”, the blonde wasn’t sure, if that was a joke or not.  
  
“Still not sure... _What_?”, Carmilla asked innocently.  
  
“Nothing…”, Laura shook her head and was about to unwrap her last gift. After all of the wrapping paper was out of the way, and the blonde could actually see, what the present was, a wave of confusion washed over her face.  
  
“Uhm… Either you really spent a ton of money finding an exact copy of-“, Laura opened the first page of the book-esque thing that was in front of her, “Or it is the Christmas gift I once got you… You still have that?”, Laura locked eyes with Carmilla, who nodded and a soft smile emerged.  
  
“I go everywhere with it. I have written a lot into that book. Even parts of my published book. Actually all the inspiration for that thing came from _this_ … And I wanted you to have it. I actually would like you to read that, before you read that book of mine. Because I believe that the book doesn’t convey my messages, as I would have liked it to. The book is just the generalized version. _This_ …”, Carmilla was pointing to the old leather-bound book, “… This is the _raw, uncut, personal_ version.”  
  
  
Laura gulped, “Carmilla that’s… I can’t accept this from you.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because it’s _yours_ and… Well,  _I_ gave it to _you_.”  
  
“And we are friends right? We are in each other’s lives. If I ever need that again, I’ll just come and get it. Until then, I would like you to hold on to that for me.”, the brunette cast her ex-lover another smile that was reciprocated.  
  
“Carm… _All of this_ … This is beyond…”, Laura was seeking for the right words, “… You are unbelievable. Thank you, so much. The gifts and your cooking and the cake… Everything was perfect. This is the best birthday ever.”  
  
“Really?”, the dark haired woman’s heart picked up speed. All she ever wanted, was to hear Laura say, she was happy.  
  
“Really…”, Laura thought for a second, “Although, when my dad asks, I’ll tell him that the party he organized for my 16th birthday was the best.”  
  
  
“What happened there?”, the brunette asked curiously.  
  
“He invited boys to the party, so I was the cool kid, who had a mixed party at her house.”  
  
“But with no interest in boys.”, Carmilla breathed out, as if it was the most obvious thing. Well, it was. Laura was hella gay.  
  
“ _Exactly_. I would have much more preferred an all-girl’s slumber party.”  
  
Carmilla chuckled lowly, “Oh, I can imagine.”  
  
  
Laura got up and got the copy of ‘ _Of Love And Fools_ ’ and put it beside the leather-bound book.  
  
“I’ll have those two beside my bed on my nightstand and every night and every morning I’ll read a passage in your _journal or whatever_. When I’m finished, I’ll read the bestseller version of it.”, the blonde explained and traced both books with her fingers. It was great seeing the excitement in her eyes. They were glistening with adoration and somehow pride.  
  
Carmilla could only watch her, probably thinking of the most mundane scenes of herself, where she’s lying in bed and reading or eating breakfast and reading. Laura mixed with genuinely happy was such a rare sight. Of course she was a pretty cheerful person, as people come, but this type of lively brightness was pretty scarce.  
  
  
“But Carm?”, suddenly Laura started again.  
  
“Yes cupcake?” _Cupcake? Karnstein, really?_ However Laura didn’t seem to give the pet name too much thought, she was fascinated by something else completely.  
  
“You still haven’t told me, what the **A** stands for.”, Carmilla followed Laura’s gaze to her own work and saw, how the blonde was tracing the _A_ in _C. A. Karnstein._  
  
“So _that’s_ how you came up with that, I see.”, the brunette put on a thinking face.  
  
“Carm… Tell me, it’s my birthday.”  
  
  
“Okay, okay. It stands for Arianne.”  
  
“Really?”, Laura asked incredulously, “Why were you afraid, I was going to make fun of you? That's not so bad at all...”  
  
“I don’t know… I don’t really like that name. But I guess that’s how most people feel about their middle names. I’m just happy I wasn’t named after my other great-great-grandmother.”  
  
Laura chuckled, “Why? How would _that_ have sounded?”  
  
Carmilla cocked her eyebrows and almost laughed saying it out loud, “Carmilla _Gerlinde_ Karnstein. God no, that sounds repulsive.”  
  
“Oh my… _Yikes_. I must admit, _some_ German names require a little…”, Laura squinted her eyes, “… Getting used to… But Arianne is beautiful, what does it mean?”  
  
“It’s French, but of Latin origin and means ‘the sacred one’.”  
  
“Oh… _My... My goddess_.”, Laura chimed in her fake seductive voice and leaned forwards in direction of the brunette.  
  
  
Carmilla was taken aback by the action, but nonetheless remained in her position, eying the other woman thoroughly. Laura looked younger then. She looked like 19 again, soft features, warm smile. Beady eyes filled with wonder and what was it? _Happiness?_ Her nose in slight crinkles, because of that adorable face she was making and her soft, pink-colored lips in a slight smile curled upwards.  
  
“Carm… Thank you for today… It really is the _best birthday ever._ ”  
  
“I’m glad…”, the dark haired beauty trailed off, because Laura’s eyes held hers captive.  
  
  
“Are you happy, Carm? I mean… Well as cheerful, as one can be, when your- oh god, I mean-”  
  
“Shh, you ramble entirely too much. I’m fine, I haven’t felt like this for years.”  
  
“Good, because me neither…”  
  
The blonde gulped visibly, Carmilla could sense the change of air between them. However this couldn’t be happening, because she promised Laura friendship. She promised her nothing but friendly advances towards her. So no jeopardizing of anything. Carmilla couldn’t risk losing her. Everything’d been so perfect. She could do that. Only friends, with the prospect of more in far, far future. Maybe. Didn't matter, because the time she had spent with Laura told her that she could also perfectly only be her friend (she thought). All that mattered, was the fact that she was lucky enough to spend time with the love of her life.  
  
  
“How about a glass of wine, hmn?”, Carmilla asked, while making her way to the kitchen. _Good safe!_  
  
Laura bit her lip and knit her eyebrows together, deciding to follow her ex-girlfriend, who was so off to her. Okay, granted they agreed on being friends, but that didn’t mean that Carmilla should just straight up block all the signals Laura was giving her, because **yes.** The blonde had wanted to kiss her on countless occasions and it just annoyed her that Carmilla was being so gentle and considerate and oh my god, how can someone’s best trait be such a burden sometimes?  
  
Carmilla was pouring the red liquid into the two wine glasses that were resting on the counter from lunch. Laura was standing beside her and eying her every movement. The blonde was fighting an inner battle of what to say or what not to say. The writer then handed her one glass of wine and took ahold of the other, clinking their glasses together and taking a rather large sip.  
  
Laura just observed the action and set aside her glass, without taking a sip and stole Carmilla’s, to put it on the counter beside them. The brunette was confused for a second, before just going with it. She averted her gaze to the bottle beside her, reading its label. Distracting herself from anything that went by the name _Laura Hollis_ , because ~~Hollis~~ **holy** shit, she was dangerously close and her scent was inebriating.  
  
And okay, one of her hands was gently placed on Carmilla’s waist now, and what was that? Was she tugging her closer? _Uh_ … Dancing worked differently, she was most certainly just- Carmilla dared to lock eyes with that blonde goddess that was her ex-girlfriend and for the first time understood precisely what Laura was aiming for. It was her lips. Oh okay, thanks for the info!  
  
Not even a second elapsed, before Carmilla could feel those soft, delicate lips moving against her mouth. And she could do nothing more than to inhale sharply, because she was pretty sure, she was going to need the oxygen. All odds aside, how lucky was she now that Laura -freaking- Hollis was kissing _her_.  
  
Out of instinct Carmilla cupped Laura’s face, like the gem she was and held her in place, relishing the kiss with every little bit she had in herself, because who knew, when Laura would come to senses? She could not be held responsible for this right? She wasn’t the one initiating it. However it felt scandalously good and that was all that mattered.  
  
The kiss was pretty innocent and Laura’s hand was still secured on the author’s waist and the other was on Carmilla’s right bicep. After some time the blonde released her ex-girlfriend’s bottom lip with a soft pop and looked her in the eyes to read them. Carmilla needed a moment, before opening hers, and she looked flustered. Surprised... Confused and slightly scared even.  
  
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since you walked into that door of mine.”, Laura whispered against Carmilla’s lips, who looked… More surprised?  
  
“You did…?” _Incredulousness._  
  
Laura laughed silently and shook her head, leaning in again. Her lips made Carmilla forget her next question. This time her tongue slid along the length of the brunette’s mouth, until she got the message and opened up for her. It was not hasty, but also not chaste anymore.  
  
The blonde suddenly walked backwards, tugging Carmilla with her and stopping in the middle of her living room. Making out session, while standing it was! The dark haired woman didn’t really care for anything in that moment, except the sensation it was to feel Laura’s fingertips touch the skin, where her top had ridden up and exposed skin just above the waistline of her ripped jeans that she was wearing.  
  
Carmilla’s fingers weren’t exactly innocent either, when both of her thumbs hooked into the jeans that Laura was wearing, just to hold her in place of course, but she still had enjoyed the sharp intake of air, while she had done that.  
  
Suddenly there was movement again, but not the couch was the target, as the brunette had anticipated, no, Laura was leading them into her bedroom, which uh… Very distracting and frankly very disturbingly hot images came to surface in that poor writer’s brain of Carmilla. _Bedroom_ and _Laura_ and _innocent_ didn’t go well together after all.  
  
Laura urged the author forwards, until Carmilla could feel the edge of the bed behind her. This was particularly interesting now, as European beds were much lower than the one’s she was accustomed to now. Most European hotel beds however had the same height as American ones, but Laura’s bed definitely was in the low European style.  
  
She was practically pushed down, until she was finally found in a sitting position and Laura was looking down at her. There was a predatory look in her eyes, which only could be interpreted as _‘I wanna lunge at you and **eat**  you now’_ \- which was really, really welcomed, but still there was this feeling Carmilla was having that just wasn’t going to leave her alone. She needed real, verbal consent. So when the blonde bent down and captured her lips again, she stopped the (really great) lip-lock and began talking.  
  
  
“Wait…”, Carmilla was licking her lips dry (which was a total oxymoron), “Are you sure, you wanna do this?”  
  
Laura huffed out a breath, “Yes, _god_ , yes, Carm.”, the blonde pictured the author in various forms of undress already, ready to finally _feel_ her again.  
  
“Because I mean, I thought we were taking it slow and agreed on being friends for now and it’s just… I don’t wanna ruin anything…”, the dark haired woman rubbed awkwardly on the back of her neck.  
  
Suddenly Laura’s attention from Carmilla’s cleavage shifted to her eyes, searching for the truth there, “You won’t, don’t worry… **Uh, except**... You don't want to… Don’t you want to? Because, you just have to tell me, if you-”  
  
The brunette made her very (very, very, very) clear that she wanted to, by capturing her lips in a heated kiss, but released her, to tell her in words, “Oh Laura, I’ve wanted this since I laid my eyes on you on that author’s convention.”  
  
Laura’s sly smile and the shimmering of her pearly white teeth through her lips was the most sexy thing in that moment about her. It wasn’t the way she roughly shoved Carmilla down onto the mattress and pinned her hands above her, or the way she kissed along the brunette’s neck, it was her natural beauty. The beauty that had nothing to do with her lying naked underneath Carmilla or on top of her and doing those (really hot) things to her in that case. Her beauty was something Carmilla never would dare to objectify. And she never had.  
  
She was right. What she told Eve, was right. Laura just wasn’t another one of her conquests.  
  
It was evident by how she saw Laura. How she always had seen her as the whole entity, with all of her oddities and peculiarities, even flaws. Which made her the more perfect. The more beautiful, the more desirable, the more sexy. Everything about this woman was whole. Even though she herself didn't really believe that.  
  
_Wasn’t it odd?_  
  
The blonde was quick in discarding Carmilla’s top and kissing along fiery skin. The room was burning hot and this time not because a certain someone had forgotten to turn off the heating system. Both had moved to the center of the bed, Laura on top of the brunette, who was already busy fiddling with the buttons on the blonde’s damn plaid shirt.  
  
“Goddamnit…”, Carmilla cursed under her breath, while Laura was kissing along her neck.  
  
“Need any help?”, the blonde suggestively whispered in her low voice, which wow, who knew, Laura could do that?  
  
“No… Just…”, Carmilla shifted her weight and rolled them over, hovering above Ms. Hollis - the blonde sex goddess, “There…”, she popped open the buttons without any efforts (because Laura wasn’t distracting her with neck-kisses anymore), “Much better…”  
  
Laura was following the hands of her former lover with her eyes, as they were successful with parting her shirt. Carmilla chuckled and shook her head, while dipping her head to kiss along Laura’s clavicle. The blonde squirmed a little and pushed the woman on top of her off, to be able to look in her eyes.  
  
“Why are you laughing at me?”, Laura asked slightly out of breath.  
  
“I’m not.”, the dark haired woman assured and moved to place a kiss on Laura’s mouth, whose eyebrow was risen skeptically, “Just… Have you still not figured out, why I got you a shirt?”  
  
Laura licked her lips and frowned, the woman above her didn’t care for her answer, as she descended herself on her again and began leaving wet patches along her skin, nibbling ever so lightly, careful not to leave any marks, because Laura worked for a public TV station after all. Plus she didn’t know, how she felt about flaunting around that she was… _Enjoying herself in the bedroom_. She had no idea about Laura’s _rather interesting_ lifestyle.  
  
“Carm, I wanna know-”, the dark haired woman bit down on a particularly sensitive spot on her neck, “ _Oh god_.”  
  
“You can call me by my name, sweetheart. I'd rather hear you say _oh Carm_.”, Carmilla chuckled and earned an eye roll for that, after meeting her gaze again. The writer then worked on the blonde’s jeans’ button and stripped them down unceremoniously. That left Laura only in her underwear and Carmilla on the other hand still fairly clothed.  
  
The brunette lowered herself on Laura again, kissing up her thighs, stopping at her hipbone, drawing circles on the lateral side of the blonde, where she was extra sensitive. Finally hearing more distinct sounds of pleasure rather than the irregular pants.  
  
“Get the fuck out of your clothes already!”, the blonde growled and lunged at Carmilla, urging her to kiss her.  
  
The brunette was lying flush against the woman underneath her, who sneakily popped open the button to her jeans and unashamedly shoved her hand below the waistband of Carmilla's underwear. The kiss turned sloppy, when the brunette felt experienced fingers working on her.

 _What the frilly hell?!  
  
_ “What are... You doing...?”, Carmilla whispered. Laura looked up to her and shot her a look that said something along the line of _you know, what I am doing_.  
  
However the dark haired woman wasn’t so keen on giving up on her position and submit to the wanton mess underneath her. Carmilla was a woman of patience. Always had been. Okay, maybe _not always_ , but she was _now_. She was enjoying her own ministrations too much.  
  
While Carmilla was kissing a specific path on Laura’s neck again, the blonde desperately tried to regain control of the situation, by whispering filthy things into the brunette’s ear. This was a new development. While Carmilla really was tempted to just let Laura top her, she was still not giving in.  
  
“… Oh come on, don’t you want me to take off your clothes and _fuck you senseless_?”  
  
Carmilla thought, she misheard Laura, almost choking on her own spit, but she had to put an end to that. The blonde was talking entirely too much and her fingers in her underwear were too distracting too. So the ultimate maneuver was it to move further down again, so Laura didn’t have enough access anymore. And it helped. **A lot**. Even though the blonde had groaned in protest.  
  
The author kissed along Laura’s stomach, smiling, when she saw the familiar birthmarks and freckles exactly where she remembered them to be. Everything was coming to surface. Her first time with Laura, and all the other times she had been this intimate with her. She had etched it all to her memory. Every little moment with her. The moles right below her chest, her prominently out-sticking ribs, the golden, soft skin, her eyes that darkened, whenever they were this close.  
  
Carmilla leaned forwards a little, slipping a hand under the body underneath her and unclasping that unwanted undergarment on Laura and smiled, when it snapped open the first time. Laura was already drunk on lust and frantically slid the straps down her own arms and threw her bra in some corner of her bedroom. The brunette did the same with her own, before again descending on Laura’s body, and this time she ran her hands over her breasts. Kneading them in the process, eliciting a splendiferous moan for that.  
  
That was all Carmilla needed to hear, to make her own semi-dirty comment. “I’m now going to go down on you and have you moan my name countless times. Sooo… Buckle up, _creampuff_ , it’s gonna be a long night.” A mischievous smile thrown in and Laura was already gone.  
  
  
**Good.**  
  
If someone’s _gone_ , then they can _come._  
  
The last coherent thought Laura had, was something about how pretty Carmilla actually as a woman was, when said _pretty woman_ discarded her slightly (just slightly) soaked panties.  
  
“Happy birthday, Laura.”, the brunette murmured, when making her promise from before come true…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, share your filthy thoughts with me, will ya? [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	37. Sex With The Ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what happens after you have sex with the ex?  
> Will they remain whatever they were or...  
> Is there a chance for them?

Carmilla was lying there in Laura’s bed and staring at the other woman, who was fast asleep. With every passing minute the tension in her whole body got more and more unbearable. What if Laura would wake up and think all of that had been a terrible mistake? What if she had blown all of her chances to ever have a normal relationship with her?  
  
Fuck. _Fuck._ **Fuck.**  
  
Suddenly Laura stirred in her sleeping/wake state and a hand came to use, as she was brushing off blonde strands of hair out of her own face. The blonde needed a moment to assess the situation, but it was pretty clear. She was naked in her bed with a panicky looking Carmilla (who... _also_ naked). It was too early in the morning and-  
  
_Wait a second._ Carmilla was looking at her intently. And panicky. _Huh..._  
  
  
“What?”, the TV-host croaked in her sleepy voice. _God, was that adorable._  
  
“Uh… Nothing...”  
  
“Why are you awake and creeping on me in my sleep, like I’m some ghost?”, the blonde yawned and sat up a bit, wrapping the blanket around herself. One day she forgot to turn off the heating system and the other she forgot to turn it back on. _Ugh._  
  
“I just…”, Carmilla was scooting a little closer, daring to reach out her hand and brush her fingertips against Laura’s arm, “Are we still good?”  
  
The blonde laughed out loud, “Carm, how many more times will you be asking me that?”  
  
“Sorry… I just really wanna be sure, because _you know_ … I didn’t wanna rush here and we pretty much did the most- well uh… Don’t know, how to put it.”  
  
“Well now it’s a little too late, don’t you think?”, Laura was just entirely too amused.  
  
“It is… Yeah…”  
  
Laura shook her head and leaned forwards, tracing Carmilla’s jaw, “Gosh, Carm. Relax! Just stop worrying so much. _It’s just sex,_ besides after all the things you did for me yesterday, I kind of would have felt bad, if you hadn’t gotten any.”, she joked and shifted in her bed, until she was almost lying on top of the brunette.  
  
“Well, okay… First of all, I **did not** expect or intend that to happen, just to be clear... And _that’s_ exactly it, Laura!”, Carmilla looked up and pushed away the curtain of hair that hid Laura’s face, while the blonde was tracing her collarbone, “It’s **not** just sex. _You and me_ is not _just sex_. We’ve dated once and this can’t be seen as _just sex_. This is not only something we did, just because we felt like it.”  
  
  
“Mhm… Okay. I see, what you mean.”, the blonde seemed to think, “But we are two consenting adults. And you happen to be very important to me, so I don’t think this ruins anything. I don’t regret last night... _Do you_?”  
  
Carmilla was fast to shake her head ‘no’. “Not at all, last night was beyond expectations and I wouldn’t wanna change it, but I hope this doesn’t push you away.”, Laura nodded, being happy with the answer and leaned down to kiss Carmilla. When she broke away, her expression changed into that of a frown.

  
“But since when does sex push people apart?”, the blonde asked.  
  
“Well, I don’t know, maybe because we still don’t know, what we have here? Because I got into thinking…”, Carmilla reached up and cupped Laura’s face, to bring her down again, “… **A lot** …”  
  
The blonde chuckled and shook her head, “Oh boy.”, she captured Carmilla’s bottom lip, to shortly after release it again. The brunette was staring at her lips for a moment, before letting her gaze wander further down. “Carm, my eyes are _up here_ , ya know?”  
  
Carmilla laughed out loud, “You are lucky, you are cute.”  
  
“Am I now? Last night you were talking about how-”, Laura’s probably embarrassing review of the night was muffled by a long, lingering kiss this time. The blonde smiled into the lip-lock and her hand trailed along warm skin, until it almost reached its target- but Carmilla captured her hand and they stopped kissing.  
  
  
“You are distracting, Laura! I’m serious.”, said woman groaned.  
  
“Okay, serious answer? I don’t know okay? I said, I didn’t regret last night, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be together now and that everything’s fine.”, Laura saw the shift in Carmilla’s face, “Well… _No_ … I don’t mean it like _that_ … Of course everything’s fine between _us_ … _Look_.”, the blonde was straddling the woman underneath her and talking down, “We are still having other things in our lives that need to be taken care of first. Because you are right, everything’s going pretty fast and… Let’s just lay back for a second and see where it all leads us okay?”  
  
Carmilla nodded, stroking up Laura’s thigh, “Soo… What do we call this? I mean… Or let’s say… What am I allowed to do or how am I supposed to act around you now?”  
  
“You are allowed to do everything… And we don’t name this… We’ll keep it casual… Let’s get all of the other things sorted first. Maybe we can talk properly about this or something more, when you’ve done your book tour in Chicago and everything settles down…”  
  
“Hmmn…”  
  
Carmilla didn’t know, if it was such a good thing to _‘keep it casual’_. It wasn’t her call to make though. If Laura wanted them to be this ‘no-strings-attached’ thing, then she could live with it. For how long, was the only question, because of course she knew that there were many unresolved issues, but still some consolation would be given to her, if Laura would have straight up clarified, if she was going to ‘wait’ for her. Carmilla could have smacked herself for being such a teenager about the situation.  
  
  
Laura cocked her eyebrows, “Still not good enough?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head again, “No, no, it’s… I can live with that.” _For now_  
  
The blonde smiled and bit her lip, and god was she beautiful.

Yeah, Carmilla was going to live with that, because damn that woman could get away with everything.  
  
  
  
“And now, come on! Get into the shower with me, we have somewhere to be.”  
  
Carmilla was confused, “We do?”  
  
“Yep, I just decided to bring you along to LaF and Perry’s ‘after-birthday-lunch’.”  
  
“Are you sure?”, the brunette asked for confirmation.  
  
“Yeah, unless you have to do something on a Sunday, in a town you don’t live in? Come on, I’ll call Perry and let her know, you are coming. She makes too much food every time anyways!”  
  
…  
  
Laura brought her car to a halt in front of a two-storied house. Carmilla took the building in. It was a pretty cute house with a little front yard and one could only imagine that the back was by far a garden treated with care. Carmilla noticed the stiff posture the blonde was sitting in, not really making any effort to get out of the car.  
  
  
“Laura… The lunch is inside the house, right? Not in your car?”, the brunette tentatively asked.  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
“So… Are we getting in there or…?”  
  
“Carm…”, the blonde turned to face the other woman, “Can we please not tell anyone about us?”  
  
Carmilla was confused, “Tell about _what_?”  
  
“I don’t want them to know, that there’s something going on between us.”  
  
“Something going on between us?”  
  
“Well… _You know_ …”  
  
“You mean, you don’t want them to know that we slept together?”  
  
“Yeah and the kissing, just everything romantic… They tend to be a little over-protective and-”  
  
“Laura, it’s okay. I wasn’t gonna say anything anyways. I don’t kiss and tell.”  
  
  
“Thanks!”, the blonde sighed out of relief and was about to lean over the middle console of the car to kiss Carmilla, but she leaned back.  
  
“Laura, we are in front of their house… What if anyone sees us, huh?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah… You are right.”  
  
“I know, come on. Let’s get inside!”  
  
  
  
“Hello, you two! They are here, Perr!”, LaFontaine was grinning at their guests, who both looked expectantly at them. “Oh! Right! Come on in!”  
  
Carmilla, once inside, handed the doctor a bottle of wine and Laura was holding up a Tupperware full of left-over-cookie-cake. She was excitedly explaining, how that was the most mind-blowing thing she’s ever had and that LaF and Perry should totally try it.  
  
“Thanks, Laur… The sound of it makes my arteries fear in anticipation right away…”, the redhead and Carmilla shared a look of disgust.  
  
  
  
“Oh!!! Laura, honey, happy belated! Come, let me hug you!”, the curly redhead stepped out of the kitchen, after they all had situated themselves in the living room.  
  
The blonde did, as it was expected from her, and then took the vacant seat beside LaFontaine, which both the doctor and the writer found a little odd. Perry excused herself and went into the kitchen again to prepare serving lunch.  
  
  
“Tell me, what did you do yesterday?”, the redhead wanted to know from Laura, who was nervously playing with the hem of her dress.  
  
“Uh…”, the blonde locked eyes with the dark haired woman and lied like a master, “Nothing. I was at home and watched some movies and ate cake.”  
  
“Well that sounds…”, LaF laughed, “Like any other birthday of yours. You gotta step up the game a notch.”  
  
“Yeah, you know me. I don’t like to be out so much on that day.”, Laura’s voice had a nervous quiver in it. Carmilla was actually surprised that the blonde had lied at all in the first place. What was so bad about telling them that they had celebrated it together? As friends?  
  
  
“And how are _you_ doing, Carmilla?”, LaF asked the brunette now, who was sipping on her wine.  
  
“Uh, I have been doing fairly well.”  
  
“Do you know, when you are going back to the USA?”  
  
Carmilla met Laura’s gaze who was now interested in the answer too, “No, actually I don’t know yet. There are things that need my presence here. However, maybe by the end of the coming week.”  
  
“Oh alright. Now tell me, do you guys meet often? Or was today just an exception, because Laura here can’t actually get herself a girlfriend _or_ keep them and didn’t want to be third wheel again?”  
  
Carmilla’s ears were alert, as she was now looking expectantly at Laura, who was talking, “You are such a pain. I brought Carm, because we haven’t seen each other in the last couple of days and thought it would be nice for her to be with people for once.”

Laura can’t keep girlfriends. That was all the brunette had taken with her from the interaction. 

  
“What a good friend you have there, Carmilla.”, LaF took a sip of whatever gross drink they were having.  
  
“Yeah, such a _great friend_.”, the author finished her glass and cocked an eyebrow in Laura’s direction, who was avoiding her gaze.  
  
  
  
After lunch there was a quick exchange of gifts and just before 4 o’clock the pair made it out of the house and into Laura’s car. Carmilla was being exceptionally quiet the whole time, which the blonde concluded must have been due to her most recent loss. Especially with LaFontaine there, who practically spent the last few days with Renata, as they were frequently checking on her.  
  
  
“You okay?”, Laura asked, when she pulled away from the curb.  
  
“Yeah…”, the brunette was watching her environment, as the car moved to the main road, “Just thinking about things.”  
  
“Wanna talk about it?”, the blonde patted Carmilla’s left knee.  
  
“No, I just need some rest, I guess. The last few days were tiring. I’m gonna curl up like a ball, when hitting my bed at the hotel.”  
  
“Oh, so shall I drop you off there?”, Laura asked with risen eyebrows.  
  
“Yeah that would be nice, if it’s not a bother for you.”  
  
“No sure… I just thought, maybe you’d wanna come back with me and stay for dinner or something.”  
  
Carmilla really wanted to go with her, she really did, but somehow Laura had this off vibe during lunch with her friends and the brunette needed time to herself to think about everything.  
  
“I’m sorry, but I think, I should just get to bed early today. I have a video conference thing with my publisher tomorrow morning, or night however you wanna call 4 am. He wants to talk some business finally, now that the funeral’s on Wednesday…”  
  
Laura only nodded and a weird feeling was settling in her stomach. She didn’t like to think about her ex-lover leaving again for the States. Even though it was inevitable from the start on. That was also the reason she was half distancing herself from making the whole thing a _thing,_ and half wanting to get impossibly closer to Carmilla -hence ending up in bed with her. One part of her wanted to close up, but the other part wanted nothing but to give in.  
  
  
  
“We are here.”, Laura commented, when parking her car.  
  
“Yeah… Thanks for uh… The past two days, it was wonderful spending it with you.”  
  
“No, I have to thank _you_ … You have made my birthday special.”  
  
Carmilla smiled a last time and wanted to get out of the car, when Laura grabbed her by the arm and tugged her closer, to be able to place a kiss on her lips.  
  
“Call me?”, the blonde asked, before kissing the other woman again.  
  
“I will.”  
  
  
  
Laura watched the brunette get out of her car and turning around once more to wave at her. She reciprocated and stayed there for a while, thinking to herself that something was up. However Laura decided that Carmilla would probably tell her, if it had something to do with her.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla sighed. The video call with her publisher and her publicist reminded her once more that she had to leave Austria at least for 3 weeks in a row. Eve requested her to take the next flight after her mother’s funeral, but the brunette lied about how she had unfinished business with her lawyer and bought herself some time until Sunday.  
  
Laura had been acting weird at lunch the day before. For instance when one time Carmilla nonchalantly placed her elbow on Laura’s shoulder, the blonde had backed away of it almost instantly. It was, as if she had taken the brunette with her to show off, how _‘friendly’_ they were. Laura absolutely wanted to prevent them from knowing anything, which was okay on its own, but with the neglecting her in front of her friends, for no reason… That made Carmilla uncomfortable and she was starting to second-guess herself for agreeing on not determining what their relationship was now.  
  
  
**Laura:** _Hey, wanna come over later on?_  
**Laura:** _We could get take out and watch movies._  
  
**Carm:** _Sure, that sounds fine._  
  
**Laura:** _I can get you at your hotel._  
**Carm:** _Don’t have to. I’m gonna be roaming around in the inner city later anyways. I’ll take the tram._  
  
  
Okay, maybe the brunette was overreacting. It was not like Laura owed it to her. She didn’t owe her anything. Laura Hollis wanted to spend time with her (deliberately) and that should have been enough. That _was_ enough. And there was kissing and touching, whenever they were behind closed doors… **So** … Carmilla sighed.  
  
She wouldn’t be okay with this for much longer, and she knew that.  
  
  
  
Later on in that wonderful Monday, when Carmilla got buzzed in into Laura’s apartment complex, she almost forgot about the thoughts she was having. The presence or the simple thought of a certain TV-host could do that to her.  
  
Laura was standing at her door, greeting her ex-lover with a broad smile and a breathless ‘Hey.’. The brunette replied with her famous ‘Hey there’ and somehow managed to dodge the blonde’s lips in the process of trying to hug her. It wasn’t specifically intended, but Carmilla was somehow glad and the thought was a bit troubling for her. Why didn’t she want Laura to kiss her? Why was she being such an ass about that? Who wouldn’t want Laura Hollis to kiss them?  
  
_Epic. Fail. Karnstein. **Epic**._  
  
The blonde on the other hand was growing more and more suspicious as to why Carmilla Karnstein, the woman, who practically told her she couldn’t live without her -well, okay maybe not in _those exact words_ …. Whatever, that was so not the point. She said, she’d always loved her. How the hell was she now not doing anything about it? Or maybe Laura was just overreacting as always, when it came to Carmilla. There was just something about that gorgeous dark haired beauty that set Laura so on edge.  
  
  
  
“I hope, Chinese is okay? I took the liberty of ordering from my favorite place here in Graz.”, Laura sat down beside her guest and turned on the TV.  
  
“Sweetheart, the Chinese here and the one I am used to by now are two different things. However, yeah I am looking forward to mocking the Austro-Chinese food.”  
  
“You are such a snob sometimes… Ugh, better tell me, what did ya wanna watch? My Netflix-account is all yours to discover…”, the blonde tried to hand over the remote to Carmilla, who looked at her in amusement.  
  
“So what is this? I pick something and it immediately starts to play? Where are the good old VHS tapes and hours of rewinding, to be able to watch something? The youth has it too easy these days. No wonder people watch so much TV, it is pretty easy and convenient compared to a book that you actually have to read on your own.”, Carmilla dramatically sighed and Laura looked at her in bewilderment. Oh right, generation gap…? Well, not really, but the blonde still liked to tease Carmilla. Who wouldn’t, if they got a chance like that?  
  
  
“Oh my god, you are like such a grandma!”, the blonde couldn’t contain her laughter.  
  
“Oh, just shut up, you turned 26 two days ago, that’s two years older than when you met me, and I recall you calling me old back then, which means you are old too now.”  
  
“Yeah, but you always said I am cutesy and adorable, and that you think I look younger than I actually am.”  
  
“Well… That may have been true some years ago, but now you aren’t anymore.”, Carmilla had her gaze turned to the TV, searching for something she was familiar with (no such luck).  
  
“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
“That you don’t look cute anymore.”  
  
“Oh…”, Laura let the words sink for a moment, until Carmilla noticed, what she had said.  
  
“Well, _god_ , no, I mean, you don’t look cute as in _sweet_. You have matured, you’ve turned out very beautiful, grown woman.”, the brunette frowned, “Oh my god that sounded like I actually am a grandma that’s talking to her grandchild she hasn’t seen in ages.”  
  
“Ugh, please, if you ever want me to have romantic notions about you, please stop talking about grandmas and you in a sentence, except you want to talk about _your grandma_ specifically and you, then it’s okay.”  
  
“Yeah, deal…”  
  
  
  
They were into the second movie already, and finished with their food, when Laura just out of the blue placed her hand on Carmilla’s left thigh, tracing up and down. The brunette shot her a quick glance, but she was watching the TV screen at that moment, so the author didn’t give that action much thought. At least not until Laura was stroking up the insides of her thighs. The dark haired woman drew in a sharp breath.  
  
  
“Uh, Laura?”  
  
“Hmn?”, came the feigned innocence. She was so good at being an angel with the most wicked mind.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“What are you talking about, Carm?” Laura looked at her guest, who arched a single eyebrow and looked down to her lap. “What about it?”, Laura asked. Again, ever so innocently.  
  
Carmilla could have sworn there was a little hint of seduction mixed within her last question, “Unless you don’t want me to pay attention to the movie, you might wanna-”, there was no chance to finish that sentence, as Laura increased the proximity between them, her breath ghosting over Carmilla’s mouth.  
  
“You ever heard of the term _Netflix and Chill_?”, the blonde drawled in a low, husky voice.  
  
“Uhm… I’m familiar with this… _Euphemism_ yes.”  
  
“Euphemism? You taught English Literature at universities and yet you are using that word incorrectly.”  
  
Carmilla frowned, “Am I now? Why, enlighten me then…”, just for good measure, the former professor teased her ex-student, “ _Ms. Hollis_.”  
  
“Well…”, Laura moved and sat on the brunette’s lap and leaned in, to place a kiss on Carmilla’s left cheek, “For one… Euphemism implies that the real word is something bad that needs paraphrasing.”  
  
“So, why am I using the word wrong then?”, the dark haired woman challenged. The movie that was playing, long forgotten.  
  
“Because sex isn’t something bad, _sweetheart_.”, Laura cocked an eyebrow and was smirking. Oh god, Carmilla was going to hell, but if that meant, she could do this before getting there, it was so worth it.  
  
“So _are_ you turning this into _Netflix and Chill_?”, the brunette asked now with a hint of nervousness.  
  
“I don’t know…”, the blonde shrugged and stroked Carmilla’s arms up and down, “Do you want me to?”  
  
“I… Uh….”, Laura rolled her eyes in annoyance, because the brunette was so inarticulate at the time, “I wouldn’t be completely opposed to it.”  
  
“You wouldn’t be completely opposed to it? Really? Carm, if you want to get women in bed, you need to-”, and she was stopped, as Carmilla was now making it impossible for her to talk with her mouth on hers. Apparently not at all opposed.  
  
_Oh well, that was easy. _Maybe everything was just fine and Laura was reading too much into things, as always. Yeah. That was it.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was pacing around in her hotel room, looking herself over for the umpteenth time. It was Wednesday, the day of her mother’s funeral. Laura had promised her to pick her up and then they would drive to Carmilla’s hometown together, where her mother would be buried beside her father. She hadn’t been there since his funeral. It stung all together. Every memory resurfacing.  
  
**Laura:** _I’ll be there in 5._  
  
  
  
The drive to the graveyard was a quiet one. Laura hadn’t pushed Carmilla to talk much, she understood that it was hard for her. The scenery outside was beautiful. Autumn was coloring the fields in a bright yellowish hue, and the trees were good in copying them, one after one.  
  
  
“There is a wake in my mother’s honor at Silas University.”, Carmilla suddenly broke the silence.  
  
Laura threw her a quick glance, “When?”  
  
“It’s on Friday. The interim principal asked me to come and hold a speech about her.”  
  
“Are you going to do it?”  
  
“No… I barely was able to write her an eulogy for her funeral… I don’t want to do this again.”  
  
The blonde reached over to her and got ahold of her hand, bringing it to her lips and placing a sweet kiss on it.  
  
“I’m here, Carm. For anything you need.”  
  
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”  
  
  
  
Laura was sitting beside Carmilla, when she got called to the platform, to speak a few words about her mother. The brunette was shaking, Laura wanted to just go there and hold her, making it all go away, but she wanted to be up there alone. Carmilla’s wish.  
  
“Renata Lisbeth Karnstein... To most of you she was known as the dean of Silas University, to some she was a dear friend, others knew her as their sister or aunt. To me she was a mother. I feel like I could write a whole book regarding my mother’s life, don’t worry though, I will make this short…”  
  
  
  
Most of the people had dissipated, there were some uncles, aunts and cousins that Carmilla needed to catch up with, before Laura had joined her on an empty bench nearby her parent’s grave. The dark haired woman seemed to be so far away with her thoughts.  
  
  
“Carm?”, the blonde traced along her cheekbones with the back of her hand.  
  
Carmilla snapped out of her trance, “Hmn?”  
  
“Your speech was wonderful.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Laura bit her lip, letting her gaze wander to some rows ahead of them, where Matthias and Renata Karnstein were resting. The blonde had read the date inscribed into the tombstone of her ex-lover’s father. It said, he died in 2013. That and his full name were more things she knew about him now.  
  
  
“I haven’t been here since my dad’s funeral.”, again, a sentence out of the blue.  
  
Laura averted her gaze to the dark haired woman beside her. Everything was dark about her on that day. Carmilla had bought a black dress, which fit her perfectly. If it hadn’t been inappropriate, Laura would have drooled all over the place from just how hot the brunette looked in that classy, but sexy dress.  
  
The blonde ran her hands through dark locks and Carmilla sighed and closed her eyes at the contact.  
  
“Thank you for being here.”, she opened her eyes again.  
  
“Carm, you don’t need to thank me all the time. Of course I’d be here. There’s nowhere else I’d rather want to be right now, okay?”, the brunette nodded, bringing her hand up to tip up Laura’s head and placing a kiss on Laura’s lips. The blonde looked over to the side, where a not-so-approving priest was eying their interaction. She broke away, humming. “We are being watched.”  
  
“So what?”, the brunette said monotonously and looked in the direction, where Laura’s eyes were trained on a 50-something man shaking his head.  
  
“Nothing… I just don’t like to disturb here anyone’s peace. I respect the uhm... Dead people and all the poor _not-so-overly-cool_ Christians that are around us.”  
  
Carmilla nodded and let her eyes wander to the huge tombstone some rows in front of her.  
  
“Do you want to officially meet my dad?”  
  
Laura smiled warmly, “Yeah, I’d love to.”  
  
“Okay.”, the brunette stood up, the other woman with her, and they both silently walked to Carmilla’s parents’ grave.  
  
  
“Hey dad…”, Carmilla licked her lips, “Uh…”, she looked over to Laura, whose eyes were trained on the stone, “This is Laura… My… _Friend_.”  
  
“Hey Mr. Karnstein.”, the blonde smiled warmly, as if there really was a person standing in front of her.  
  
“He’d say that you have a wonderful smile. He would always fixate on people’s smiles. He had this theory of how smiles could determine your inner goodness.”  
  
“Maybe he’s not so wrong about that.”, Laura said and hooked her arm with Carmilla’s, “ _Because you’ve got the most beautiful smile._ ”  
  
“Are you flirting with me in front of my parents?”, the blonde only shook her head and chuckled.  
  
Laura rested her head on Carmilla’s shoulder and listened to her rant to her father about things he’d missed and most mundane things, like how Graz had developed into this large city in the last 7 years or how that one woman in TV finally had retired. It was sweet and got her off the edge a little. She would be okay. This was okay.  
  
  
  
“My father died doing his job, and my mother somehow died doing her job too.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“My dad... He got killed in an accident at work. Something with his model home had gotten terribly awry and he was buried alive in it, as it broke apart, while he was in that damn thing.”, Carmilla’s voice was firm and strong and she kind of belted it all out.  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide, she couldn’t even reach beside her and hold Carmilla, because she was driving, however the brunette didn’t seem to need the consolation anyways.  
  
“You don’t have to talk about it, Carm.”, she was just endlessly grateful that she had shared that much information with her.  
  
Carmilla hummed, “I would wish for him to meet my mother again, wherever he, or _they_ are now. I know as a fact that my mother wasn’t always so bad, I mean there must have been a reason, why he fell in love with her in the first place… I never believed it until… Well, until it was too late. It’s a pity that she saw it all too late. We could have spend all those years being a great family.”  
  
“All you can do is to believe that wherever they are, they are happy. And your mother loved you very much Carm, even though you may not believe it. I saw it, when- Well, when I saw her.”  
  
Carmilla turned a little in her seat, finally ready to talk about that, “Why did you go see her? Or _how_ even…”  
  
“She asked LaF to tell me that she wanted to see me… At first I thought the worse… Because _you know_ … But then, LaF told me that she was in a bad shape and I went there… We actually talked about you mostly. She told me that she was proud of you, before I left...” Laura left out a huge chunk, Renata Karnstein practically giving her a _an approval_ to their relationship (the non-existent one).  
  
The dark haired woman nodded again. The information wasn’t particularly needed by her, but she still was curious.  
  
“And she sort of apologized. Carm, she was so sorry that your and her relationship wasn’t good in the past few years, she was so regretful about it. And it broke my heart, which was weird and I don’t know, why, but I feel responsible…”  
  
“Hey Laura, you know that none of this is your fault, right? My mother and I have always had these differences and _our relationship_ or _the end of it_ rather… It had little to do with me breaking contact with her.”  
  
Laura threw her a look full of skepticism.  
  
“Well, okay, our break up was a huge factor in it, but even if it hadn’t happened, she had it coming. I mean, of course I am sorry that we got so little time… But… The last two weeks I had with her were almost perfect and I just am endlessly grateful that I got to know her like that for at least a little.”  
  
“You made her very proud Carm. _Both_ in fact. I can imagine your dad up there, telling all of his heaven-friends about his _hot-author-daughter_.”  
  
“Uhhh, I don’t think that he’d be saying his daughter is hot, but I get, what you mean, yeah.”, Carmilla chuckled and it was the first honest laugh-esque thing Laura had heard in the last 36 hours, which was progress.  
  
“Everything’s gonna be fine, Carm.”  
  
“As long as I have you, yeah.”  
  
“You’ll always have me, Carm.”  
  
  
  
“So, uh… I am flying to Chicago on Sunday.”, Carmilla started the topic she didn’t want to talk about while they were having a late lunch back in the city.  
  
Laura stopped chewing for a second and nodded hesitantly, “For how long?”  
  
“It’s indefinite, because my publisher’s kind of a dick and wants to make it longer than three weeks, but I don’t think longer than a month. But after that I will of course come to see you.”  
  
“So I’ll see you the next time in November?”  
  
“Well, I guess so… I promise to make it as soon as possible, but…I think it’s gonna be around the 15th.”  
  
The blonde hummed and looked down to her food. Suddenly her appetite was gone. She set down her fork and took a sip of her water. Carmilla tentatively placed a hand on hers and stroked along her knuckles with her thumb.  
  
“It’s just a month.”  
  
“I know, it’s not-”, suddenly Laura’s eyes grew wide and she tried to cover up her face, “Oh my god, **no**.” Jen, the ex-fuck-buddy was walking into the restaurant. Why the hell had Laura picked a table near the door??!!  
  
“What? It’s not _that_ long, Laur-”  
  
“Shhhh!”, the blonde urged, but her worst nightmare had already spotted her. She was on her way to her now… And she was looking pissed. It was a _Smackdown vs. Hollis_ or something. **Ugh!!!**  
  
  
  
“Laura…”, a pretty brunette suddenly stood beside Carmilla and eyed her cautiously.  
  
She was like _really_ pretty. Blue eyes, dimples, pearly white teeth, kissable mouth. Definitely not Carmilla’s type, but too pretty for her taste. _As in_ … She didn’t like the tone in her voice, when she said her ex-girlfriend’s name. Weird vibes definitely noted.  
  
“Hey, Jen…”, Laura’s voice had a nervous quiver in it, so the author set aside her fork and turned around slightly, to have a better view. Yeah, definitely a 8 or a 9. She was not much taller than Carmilla, her figure was athletic. Carmilla tried to make connections in her brain. Who was that woman? Did she fit into any descriptions that Laura made about her colleagues?  
  
  
“So, who’s that?”, the college girl asked, rising an eyebrow in Carmilla’s direction, who wasn’t grasping the situation at all. She actually wanted to know the same thing about Jen.  
  
“That’s uh-”, and then Laura had the most perfect idea of all, “That’s Carm…”, she intertwined the fingers of their conjoined hands and was pressing so hard that the brunette wanted to yelp in surprise, “ **My girlfriend**.”  
  
  
_Shock._  
  
  
Both brunettes looked at Laura in bewilderment.  
  
Okay… Apparently there was a pretty new involvement in all of this. Carmilla was introduced as a girlfriend, which meant…  
  
  
“Wow, girlfriend, huh?”, there clearly was hurt evident in that voice. Jennifer looked expectantly at Laura. _Oh well, that would make her an ex._ Laura had totally used her to make her ex jealous or something like that. _What the hell?!_ 6 years ago she never would have done something like that. Of course Carmilla did not know that she had done it, to prevent said brunette to mention anything about their relationship (yeah, she thought that the young college student had that much decency). Carmilla felt more and more enraged by every passing second. What scared her though, wasn’t the fact that Jen was talking to Laura (and the resulting jealousy). No, the problem was Laura. The author was mad at the blonde.  
  
  
“Jen-”  
  
  
“No, you know what? Save it, Laura! _I understand._ I was just _too childish_ for you, huh? Just some _stupid 20-year old_ that just didn’t fit into your world. Are you happy with _her_ now? Actually I can’t even believe you! You tell me, you don’t date... What is this then? Was I just some fucking toy? Ich fasse es nicht! I thought, you’d had a little decency, not to start a relationship after telling me those things... Does she even know?”, the girl looked at Carmilla, who was rising an eyebrow in question again. _Oh boy._ What had Laura ridden herself into?  
  
  
“You know it was never like that-”, Laura tried.  
  
“What!?”, Jen challenged.

  
“Can you please calm down? It wasn’t like I ever was in love with you!” **Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.**  
  
“Right…”, the young brunette chuckled, “You only used me as a fuck-toy, I forgot. Disposable trash, that’s what I was to you, huh?”  
  
Laura looked pleadingly at her _ex-friend-with-benefits_ and then her gaze shifted to Carmilla, who was eying the food on her plate now, biting her lip. Trying to hold in the anger, surprise and actually vast disappointment. Like **really** trying.  
  
  
“Jen, please don’t do that… It’s not about you, okay? We just didn’t work out. I never wanted that w-”  
  
“You know, it’s not even only that… It’s the fact that I tell you that I fell for you… Oh, no wait! You even stopped me from saying that even, telling me that would ruin everything and then you took off, promising me that you’d call and then what? Ten minutes later you wrote me a fucking text and told me to go to hell? Are you serious?” Okay, Laura could not recall ever telling her to go to hell. Semantics, always so fixated on semantics.  
  
  
_Oh crap._  
  
  
  
What happened next, shocked all three of them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I am single and looking for a tumblr girlfriend.~~ JK. Or am I? No, JK. But still I like chatting with you guys: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


	38. Thousands Of Kilometers Parting Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Jen's confrontation.  
> Carm really does love Laura, but is it enough?  
> What happens, when you offer your heart on a silver platter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of listened to [Sia - Fire Meet Gasoline](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNdeLSKSZ1M/), when writing this chapter, and it was surprisingly inspiring.  
> If you wanted to give it a go. However that doesn't particularly mean that it fits well. A nice song.  
> 

Carmilla couldn’t take it anymore, so she abruptly stood up from where she was seated and made her point clear, “Listen, _you_ … Laura clearly doesn’t want you to talk about those things in front of me, if you haven’t noticed. I am her _current girlfriend_ and sure as hell don’t need to hear those things either, so just please get lost, will you?” _Where did that come from?_ The woman was surprised by herself even.  
  
The young college girl shook her head and chuckled (definitely a 9 with _that_ smile), “If I were you, I’d run. She is gonna dump you like she dumps everyone.”, Jen met Laura’s gaze, “Everyone knows, Laura… _Everyone_. You are just an asshole, who plays with women.”  
  
  
And off she was.  
  
  
The brunette let the words sink in for a moment. Everyone knew that Laura was just a player. All of her fears were now doubled or even tripled. Carmilla huffed out a breath, and clutched her purse, getting out a hundred and putting it on the table, when also making a show, leaving like the ex-whatever of Laura had done seconds ago.  
  
“Carm, what are you-”, Laura tried, but she was ignored, as the dark haired woman rushed out of the door, “What the?!”, the blonde gathered her own things and was quick to follow.  
  
  
  
“ **CARMILLA!** ”, Laura grabbed her ex-girlfriend by her arm and turned her around.  
  
“Laura, _now_ is really not the time…”  
  
“We need to talk about this! Listen, what she said-”, the brunette shook her head and interrupted her right away.  
  
“If you think, this is only about what she said, you are so mistaken, _honey_.”  
  
  
Honey was usually a term of endearment.  
  
Now it was spat out like it was some bitter substance, not the usual sweetness radiating from it.  
  
  
Laura was taken aback, “What do you mean by that?”  
  
“You know what? I don’t have the head capacity to deal with this right now! I’ll walk to my hotel, thank you for your _lovely_ company today.”, Carmilla was about to take off, but Laura just wouldn’t let her.  
  
“But we need to talk about this, Carm!”  
  
“I just buried my mother 4 hours ago, so no, Laura, please let me off the hook for now. I promise you, I will talk to you once I’ve digested all of this, but now I really need to get away from you, because otherwise I might say the absolute wrong things and I really don’t want that to happen, do you?”  
  
Laura simply shook her head and let the other woman go.

  
What had she done? What was that bad that Carmilla could not talk to her like a normal person?

  
Laura watched er ex walk away. Carmilla was furious and didn’t have the head-space to deal with that whole righteousness or whatever move the blonde would pull in that moment. It was not okay to treat people like this, and it certainly was not okay that Laura had used her as a kind of excuse.  
  
It really hurt that she couldn’t even tell her best friends that there was something going on between them -even though Laura was denying it big time. They’d slept together. **Twice.** Well, no more than twice, but it was on two different occasions. And Laura was still not on the whole ‘making it official’ term. All Carmilla wanted to hear was that Laura was hers. It didn’t even have to be a relationship… But… Just her telling her that she wasn’t planning on seeing someone else would have sufficed.  
  
And that was the reason Carmilla hated herself. She cared too much for the little things, not seeing the big picture. The big picture was that Laura had kissed her on several occasions and even slept with her on two. Which wasn’t that bad. Right? … Well… **No.**  
  
Bad had it only become the moment, Carmilla practically got advice from Laura’s ex to run. Even though she was the _‘uber-ex’_ , wasn’t she? Even though technically there had been two others before, Carmilla was _‘the one’_. The only one that had been worthy of her love. Laura said it herself, she hadn’t experienced anything resembling to her.  
  
However then again, some days ago, when they’d slept together on Laura’s birthday, the blonde brushed it off as _‘just sex’_. Oh god, what if that Jen girl had been right? What if, Laura really was using Carmilla for sex? And then _again_ , how the hell could Laura sleep with a 20 year old student? Oh well, Carmilla was familiar with _that_ , but there was a six year gap between them, which was a little more, than their age difference was.  
  
Which was so not the point. The point was the fact that Laura apparently was a wandering playgirl or whatever… While Carmilla didn’t condemn Laura’s choices, she still didn’t need _that_ in her life. What the writer needed was consistency. After all those years she needed that shred of hope.  
  
Carmilla just wasn’t up for more heartbreak.  
  
…  
  
Saturday rolled in and Laura found herself with Perry at her house, while LaFontaine was working in the hospital. It was freaking Saturday and Carmilla still hadn’t called Laura. It was one day before her leave and the brunette still hadn’t managed to get to her. It was frustrating, but somehow Laura grew madder and madder with the time passing, because actually she didn’t do anything wrong in her opinion.  
  
  
“Laura, are you alright today? You seem to be a little off.”, the redhead asked her friend.  
  
“I’m just perfect. Peachy. Great.”, the blonde spat out bitterly.  
  
“You know that you can talk to me, right?”  
  
Laura exhaled dramatically, “What is it with people that don’t understand that I am grown up and can do _whatever_ I want?”  
  
“What is this about? Did your father mess with your life again?”  
  
“What?”, Laura was confused for a bit, “No, no, I am not talking about my dad right now.”  
  
“ _Who_ are we talking about then?”, Perry already had an idea, who upset Laura so much that she was being this irritated.  
  
“No one… Just… Why does everyone judge me for my personal life choices?”  
  
“Which choices?”  
  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
  
“Well, Laura I can’t help you, if you refuse to answer any of my questions.”  
  
“Ugh… I’m sorry, I’m just tired I guess. After work ended yesterday, I went on a drink with a colleague of mine.”  
  
“You did? So does he or she have to do anything with your current state?”  
  
“Noo…”, finally Laura decided to tell Perry. She wasn’t one to judge or whatever, not like LaF probably would anyways. “I... Slept with Carmilla.”  
  
“ **WHAT?!** When?”  
  
“On my birthday... And well, it actually happened more than once-”  
  
  
Perry’s mouth was ajar and her stare afar, her eyes wide. “Oh my god, we knew it!”  
  
 Laura frowned, “Wait, _what_?”  
  
“Well, it’s just the way Carmilla looked at you last Sunday, it was just too obvious. She still is deeply in love with you. I mean, we didn’t assume that you had… Gone this far already, but we thought that there was something in the air.”  
  
“There definitely is… And everything’s been great… But we got into a fight… Sort of, and she just completely overreacted!”  
  
“Why? What was it about?”  
  
“We ran into Jen -you know, the cute, young brunette from Graz University- while having lunch and it got a little heated, and Carmilla was kind of jealous, I think, even though she has no right to be, because we weren’t together, when Jen happened. I mean, we aren’t together now as well…”  
  
“Okay yes, it would be unfair of her to be mad at you for that.”  
  
“Thank you! At least someone gets _my_ point of view... And now she is ignoring me, even though her flight is tomorrow... Ugh.” Of course the redhead didn’t know, which circumstances led Carmilla to think or act that way.  
  
Laura on the other hand, just saw her side of the story. She was allowed to have exes or whatever right? They weren’t together. More importantly: They hadn’t been together back then. Angrily she got to her phone and checked it for the umpteenth time for any sign of the brooding lover or ex-lover or whatever they were now. _Nothing._  
  
…  
  
**Carm:** _I am leaving tomorrow at 10 in the morning_  
  
That message made Laura angrier than she already was. _Is she being fucking for real?_  
  
  
**Laura:** _Thanks for telling me._  
  
Passive aggressive, Hollis. Carmilla read the message twice, was Laura being serious with being mad at her?  
  
  
**Carm:** _Sure, no prob_  
  
Oh, Laura was so going to take the bait.  
  
  
**Laura:** _Coolio_  
  
Carmilla had enough of that childish bullshit.  
  
  
**Carm:** _Okay, seriously?_  
**Laura:** _Seriously WHAT?_  
**Carm:** _Why are you mad at me?_  
**Laura:** _I have a tons of reasons actually_  
**Laura:** _But the main being you not calling or texting?_  
  
**Carm:** _Sorry, I didn’t know that I had obligations_  
**Laura:** _Are you for real now?_  
  
**Laura:** _Okay, I am not doing this over the phone_  
  
**Carm:** _Well, let’s not do this on the phone then_  
  
**Laura:** _Fine!_  
  
**Carm:** _Fine!_  
  
**Laura:** _So?_  
**Carm:** _Coming over to your place in a bit._  
  
  
Every little thing Carmilla did, was irritating her. _In a bit._ What did that even mean? She hated that vague statement.  
  
…  
  
Carmilla was standing outside of Laura’s apartment door, preparing herself for the worst, before knocking. The blonde soon was to open the door, letting her ex slip in wordlessly.  
  
  
“Sooo… You wanted to meet… Now talk.”, Carmilla urged after a short moment of silence.  
  
“I wanted to- No, _you_ talk about what the hell your problem is!”  
  
The brunette cocked her eyebrows, “ _My problem_? Well _you_ are the one, who’s mad at me for no reason! _I_ should be mad at _you_!”  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, “Why should _you_ be mad at _me_?! I have various reasons for being mad at you!”  
  
  
It was getting out of hand and frankly gotten a little childish, “Why, Laura?”  
  
“You know damn well why!”  
  
“Well, I’m all ears, sweetheart, tell me.”, Carmilla plopped down on the couch.  
  
“Don’t sweetheart me. Your terms of endearment aren’t gonna help you now.”, Laura snapped back.  
  
  
The brunette chuckled, “Yeah I forgot that I am not allowed to act on my feelings.”  
  
“What the fuck are you even talking about?”, Laura approached the dark haired woman and shot her a glare.  
  
“Just about everything Laura.”  
  
“Care to explain already?”  
  
“No, just say, what you wanna say to me. _You_ wanted to see me after all. Talk!”  
  
  
Laura exhaled and tried to regain some composure, “Ugh, Carmilla, okay… _Look_ … What you had to witness on Wednesday was beyond my control and I’m really sorry for that, but still it’s something that happened, before I even knew, that you were going to be in the country. Plus, I am not even sure, what right you would have to be pissed at all, because you told me yourself you’ve had relationships in those 5 years too, it’s not like we both were nuns and you knew that.”  
  
“See that’s the point. It is not even the fact that you saw someone before me, or if you saw 100 of other people before me. I never expected you to be all alone by yourself, I wanted the opposite of that. There are other things that made me angry or _whatever_. It is just all together too much. I mean, like… From what I picked up, you dumped that poor girl via text, really Laura?”  
  
Laura got her defenses up, “Well, we weren’t even really dating…”  
  
“My next point… You _weren’t dating_ , what was that girl talking about, when she mentioned some weird sex arrangement?”  
  
“Well… She and I… It’s actually none of your business.”  
  
“It isn’t, but _you and me_ … _That is_ _my business_ and if you are doing something like that with me too, I’d like to know that before you break my heart, to be honest. I’ve had enough shit in the last few days, don’t you think?”  
  
“What the fuck even?! Do you really think you are just sex for me? That I would use you as my… _What?_ Do you think that little of me? Do you think you’re just a quick fuck?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head and stood up again, licking her lips, “No I don’t actually want to think that, but you literally called it _just sex_ the other day, when I asked you about it. I’m just starting to worry about everything and it actually hurts-”  
  
“What? What hurts you, Carm?”  
  
“Laura, you introduced me as your girlfriend and tha-”  
  
“Oh god, so is _this_ what it is about? I did introduce you as such, because I thought, she’d budge, if I did, I’m sorry about that… Are you upset about this? Then I really apologize, but-”  
  
They both were so good at interjecting each other, “No, it’s not just that. It’s the fact that you play me hot and cold. When we were at lunch at LaF and Perry’s place, you wouldn’t even regard me with eye-contact and frankly spoken, it hurt. I mean, I didn’t read much into this, because I understood, you have _your_ relationship with them and _you_ are to decide, how much you want them to know about us or anything else in that matter, but it hurt that you neglected me that way. Then on Wednesday, you are so perfect all the time and then, when your ex-whatever showed up, you suddenly are all girlfriend-y with me and here I must admit, I was selfish. _I do want to be your girlfriend_ , I’m not making any secret about it, and that’s why I played along, but you won’t get away with using me like that, because that’s what I felt like… I felt like you were just using me. _You slept with me and I feel used now_. You slept with me and I let it happen, because I am so infinitely in love with you that you blinded me… I ignored all the warnings in my head, and when I finally got confirmation that it was wrong -namely when you referred to it as _just sex_ \- I decided to ignore it too and had sex with you again. I was dumb enough to think, I wouldn’t get hurt, but it **does** hurt me Laura, because in the end you did it out of lust, and _I did it out of love_.”  
  
Laura’s anger subsided with every spoken word, “Carm… I never meant to hurt you with _that_ , I didn’t know that it would even…”, she sighed, not finding the right words.  
  
“I’m not done yet, Laura.”, the brunette took a deep breath, “You also are leaving me hanging there with nothing. I agreed on being friends with you, because I thought…”, Carmilla hated herself for being this vulnerable again, “ _I thought that you and I had a chance_ -”  
  
The blonde’s eyes grew wide, “Who said, we didn’t? I merely told you I just need time to think and sort things out.”  
  
“Yeah, but who’s to say that you will want me after your time of thinking or whatever…? You said it: _You and I are nothing_. You and I are _casual_. Who guarantees me that you won’t break my heart?”  
  
  
Laura eyed the floor and frowned. She understood Carmilla, she really did, but she had her own reasons for not making it official between them.  
  
“And lastly…”  
  
“Wow, there is more?”, the blonde chuckled darkly and Carmilla stepped closer to her, looking her directly in the eyes. The brunette’s were sad and defeated.  
  
“Yes, lastly, it breaks my heart to say this, but maybe… We really should remain just friends, because I can’t just practically fly to the other side of the globe, knowing that you and I aren’t a thing and without knowing, if you’d wait for me or not.”  
  
  
“So you are breaking up with me.”, Laura stated.  
  
“How can we break up, if we’ve never even been together, Laura?”  
  
“But you give up. You are giving up on me!” In her head she was begging. _Please not again. Please don’t leave me again. Please no!_  
  
“I’m not giving up. _I would never give up on you_. I just… In the moment I can’t deal with us hanging loosely in the air. So, I’ll let you go for now-”, Carmilla huffed out a breath, “I won’t come back after my book tour, I think… And I made this decision yesterday after some real hard thinking…”, there was a short pause, “However, I will come back for you, if you should decide that you would like to give it a shot with us. I’m sure, we will work something out, if you really are willing to put effort in our possibly-relationship. And if you even should want to really be with me, of course.”  
  
“So you’ll only come back, if I decide to let the love for you win over all the other things?”  
  
Carmilla locked eyes with Laura, “Do you even love me anymore?”  
  
That was a tough question, because of course deep down the blonde knew, how she felt. However admitting to it in such a situation was hard. That’s how it always had been like between them. That’s always what it was to her. Laura finally found love and then it got ripped away. So she wasn’t ready to answer the question, but thankfully Carmilla also wasn’t ready to hear the answer.  
  
“Forget what I said.”, the brunette shook her head, “That’s exactly why I am giving you space. You can work it all out, without me being in the way and telling you what to do or without me interfering with what you really want.”  
  
Laura nodded, closing her eyes.  
  
  
“And if- just if I decided to keep being friends?”, Laura dared to ask.  
  
“Then we will be friends, you’ll have me as your friend, if you ever need anything from me, I’ll be just a phone call away.”  
  
“You would be okay with only that?”, Laura had to ask, because she wasn’t even sure, if she herself would be okay with only that. They were never just friends. It was impossible.  
  
“Whatever you desire. I’d do _anything_ to see you happy, and if it is a life without me… Romantically…”, Carmilla sighed, “Then so be it…”  
  
Laura wanted to protest against it and say, how she could never imagine a life without Carmilla - _not again_ \- but something held her back and it was, as if the brunette always understood her and took her the chance to respond. Carmilla stepped into her space and placed a kiss on her cheek and leaned in to hug her.  
  
The dark haired woman wanted to take everything with her and prepared herself for her leave. She didn’t know, how long it would take for Laura to decide, but simultaneously she knew, that she’d not be seeing the blonde for at least a month or so. And if Laura were to decide on their end for good, then she’d have to live with this exact memory.  
  
So then it better be good, she thought.  
  
_Laura’s scent._ Her hair, the exact color of it. All things, she wanted to engrave her mind with. She’d done it so many times, but there were so many little details to the already known broader things. For instance, Laura had changed her perfume, but freshly showered she still smelled the same. Her hair was lighter than Carmilla had remembered, she used dye now, but it was equally as beautiful and made single locks shine brighter than others, it was fascinating, really.  
  
_Laura’s smile_. Which was just to die for. Her pearly white teeth, that beautiful, kissable mouth of hers. The smooth lips it was made of, the swift tongue that sometimes darted out in-between her teeth, when she was being cheeky or the way her nose crinkled, when she was laughing out loud.  
  
There were so many more things, but one could only pick up on a few, when spending so little time together.  
  
Carmilla slowly stepped out of the embrace, carefully dragging her nose over Laura’s cheek and resting her forehead on the blonde’s, who was… Crying.  
  
  
“Laura, _hey_ … This doesn’t mean good bye.”, the brunette said in a soothing voice and placed her hands on the blonde’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling continuously.  
  
“But you’ll be gone. I won’t be able to see you.”, she sniffed, closing her eyes to end the waterworks in her eyes (failing of course).  
  
“I have an iPhone and there is this thing called facetime.”, Carmilla chuckled and let go of her face. Finally Laura was opening her beautiful eyes again.  
  
_Laura’s eyes_. That were the biggest mystery yet. Honey on most days, brown on the other, ebony on the most special occasions. The intimacy and vulnerability Carmilla felt towards Laura in that moment, when their gazes met, was something out of the world. Laura was able to dip into her soul and she’d already left impacts there. They were brown in that moment. Sadness washing away the light honey hue.  
  
Suddenly the blonde’s hands were cupping Carmilla’s face now and she was kissing her hard. Probably to give her a proper good bye (as their last one wasn’t that good) or maybe to emphasize that she loved her, even if it was physically, because she didn’t/couldn’t tell her in words. Whatever the reason was, it was heartbreaking and equally as wonderful.  
  
It was a fleeting moment of whatever happiness there was between them in the past days they spent together. Carmilla didn’t take the kiss further than necessary, knowing she might lose control again. The blonde had chased her lips, after breaking apart, but the writer put an end to it.  
  
“I’ll miss you, sweetheart.”, the brunette whispered, before fully taking a step back and making her way to the door.  
  
“I’ll miss you too.”

 

 

  
————————————————————————————  
  
  
_Her body is like the broad universe. The more I see it, the more it becomes something I want to discover over and over again.  
Something I want to map out, getting to know in deep detail. Something I want to know like the back of my hand. _  
_For now she’s only a hazy daydream on a summer’s day._ _Something one thinks of after having spent too much time in the bright sunlight._  
_I could get high on her. I never understood, what it meant to give myself up to someone. I do now._  
  
  
————————————————————————————

 

 

  
Laura was on her bed and reading the first entry in Carmilla’s… Notebook... Whatever. The blonde somehow wasn’t comfortable with that, but on the other hand she also was too nosey to set it aside.  
  
The brunette hadn’t really said that the entries were about her, but the date already told Laura that it could only have been about her (except the brunette was cheating, but she didn’t believe that).  
  
Plus, on several occasions Carmilla had used her name. All doubts about it not being about her had vanished, when she’d seen her name for the first time.

  
The next few weeks would be interesting.

 

 

  
————————————————————————————  
  
  
_A tingling sensation. Settling from my stomach, enveloping all of my inner organs.  
Definitely the most prominent is the feeling on the one muscle beating in my chest in its heavy rhythm.  
A rhythm arranged to beat to her laughter’s melody. What a perfect symphony we’d make._  
  
_Oh, I wonder. How come I became a victim to this sweet, yet bitter feeling?  
Bitter, because I can’t tell her. Not yet. She isn’t ready.  
I will try to tell her in every other way possible than the one of uttering those three words. _  
  
_How lovely would they sound from her mouth? How lovely would it be, if it was requited love?_  
  
_I felt it for the first time the night she came undone to my touch. I felt it today, when we were in my old bedroom.  
She was so beautiful and her eyes full of wonder. She said the most sweetest thing, she could ever say to me.  
I couldn’t restrain myself from being the predator that I am deep inside and hunting down my prey.  
God, doesn’t it make me sound like an ancient evil monster? Maybe that’s what I am in an alternate universe._  
  
_For all I know, the predator itself becomes prey, when falling in love. And in love, I have fallen. That much is certain._  
  
_I have become prey, because I am in love with my student, Laura Hollis._  
  
  
————————————————————————————

 

  
  
The blonde’s throat had gone dry, while reading that part of the journal. Laura decided to call it Carmilla’s journal, because she certainly had treated it like that. Those were entries from her personal life.  
  
The last sentence made Laura’s heart swell up in her chest. Having Carmilla say it to her was of course the ultimate thing, but seeing it written down as an admittance to herself was something completely different and so beautiful.  
  
Her former teacher really did have a nice hand writing. That was something she wanted to have inscribed into her skin. Burnt into her mind. Etched into her memory. There was someone out there, 7.569 kilometers away from her that loved her. That took time out of her daily life to write it down.  
  
And Carmilla loved her still. Even after all of those things that told her to run, to run as fast as possible from the dead soul that went by the name of Laura Hollis. The blonde truly began to think about herself. She hadn’t spent much time reflecting on her own behavior. She’d always been to worked up in being mad at her friends for judging her.  
  
However silently she was judging herself. The day her father called her out on being bitter, she could have collapsed crying right in front of him. Was she being so obvious? What were strangers thinking, when seeing her? She was so fucked up, in so many different ways and Carmilla still chose to love her. She chose to wanting to be with her and that made her so scared.  
  
What sane person got scared, when hearing the words **‘I love you’**?  
  
Laura Hollis. And yes, she was not sane. How could she be sane, when turning down the woman that loved her like no other person had ever dared to? It was on her own account for most of the times, but the brunette had captured her heart from the first time on. Never had she given it back probably. She took it with her all those years ago, when leaving her former lover for a job offer.  
  
Of course Laura had listened to her former teacher, when she’d explained herself, telling her that she’d taken the job to actually help her situation out. Her considerate side being the one in _their_ way, because she wanted to make sure that they would both be preserved, but was it really worth it?  
  
Laura couldn’t help, but wonder, what would have happened, if Carmilla hadn’t gone to the States all those years ago. What if the brunette would have stayed at SU? Would they have found their way back to each other? Or would they have continued to have that love/hate relationship? The blonde came to the conclusion that it probably would have been the latter.  
  
Carmilla would have been miserable, having to be around her and her mother. Laura would have been bitter, having to deal with the whole situation and they both would have probably just eaten each other alive - and **not** in the enjoyable way. It would have ruined both of their souls. Not being able to mend themselves again.  
  
For the first time Laura appreciated Carmilla’s leave. If it hadn’t gone the way it did, maybe their second chance would never have happened. There she was, one week without her potential (most probably, very likely) love of her life and already feeling like a part of her had been left to decay again.  
  
Carmilla could do that to her. Only she could have this effect on her. It just started to show off its full face.

 

  
————————————————————————————  
  
  
_She is sun, earth and moon at the same time._  
_If anyone were to ask me, why that is:_  
  
_Around her my whole world revolves._  
_She is the world for me and she’s mine to see._  
  
  
_It’s the gold in her eyes that can light up the skies._  
_Above me._  
_It’s the curl of her lips and the sway of her hips._  
_That excite me._  
_It’s the gentlest of smiles radiating ten miles._  
_That invigorate me._  
  
  
  
note to yourself: _poems are very cheesy and you suck in them_  
  
  
—————————————————————————————

 

  
  
Laura laughed silently to herself at the little note scribbled down at the end of the page. Someone put so much thought into her to string words together like the piece of art that was in front of her. Even if Carmilla claimed it to be cheesy and bad, she had put effort into this.  
  
She wrote it **for** her, **to** her, **about** her.  
  
  
  
12 days had passed after her ex-lover’s leave had passed by. Laura had given Carmilla space, just like the other woman was thinking about giving the blonde space. Both didn’t know, how to proceed from there. Was the blonde allowed to let her former girlfriend know that she was enjoying her birthday present? Just as she had promised, she only read one page at a day. Was Carmilla allowed to call Laura and ask her, how she was?  
  
Good thing that the new Laura Hollis took matters in her own hands and just went with calling first. The TV-host was at work and her phone had died, so she just went with using the landline in her studio. It was a perfect time to call, it was 1 pm Chicago-time.  
  
Somehow she had become the more clingy one. Who would have thought that?  
  
  
“Dr. Karnstein speaking.”  
  
Laura smiled to herself, of course Carmilla would pick up like that, when seeing an Austrian number, not knowing, if it was one of her mother’s lawyers or whatever.  
  
“Uhm… Hey _Dr. Karnstein_ , do you have a moment for that girl you used to date?”  
  
“Laura?” The voice had surprise in it and was it…? **Happiness.**  
  
  
“Yeah… _Hey_.”  
  
“Hey there… How are you?”  
  
“I’m good. At work, but my research mode came to an end and I read a piece of your journal and decided to call you... And while we are at it, your poems are cute and cheesy and I love them.”  
  
The brunette on the other end chuckled, “It’s not a journal. And the poems are bad.”  
  
“You’ve spent time and effort in forming the sentences and they rhyme and you kind of managed to write them in that pattern… Like… That pyramid shape thing you did and the other one…”  
  
“Those are just silly games I played with words. Not worth calling a poem even.”  
  
“Anyway, I didn’t want to talk about _that_ only…”  
  
  
Carmilla was all ears, “You didn’t?”  
  
“No… I… Miss you.”, Laura let her heart speak. It was what it wanted to say.  
  
“ _I miss you too, so, so much_. Like someone cut a whole in me and like a part of me is missing.”  
  
“Yeah?”, Carmilla only hummed in response, “So… How’s your book-tour going? And how’s being in Chicago again?”  
  
“Oh, actually I am in California right now. Seems like my publisher has pulled some cool strings. San Fransisco is nice.”  
  
“Really? I always wanted to go to San Fransisco… _Wait_ … How late is it there?”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, “Don’t worry sweetheart, it’s after 11 am already. You did not disturb my beauty rest.”  
  
“Not that you would need it…”, the blonde murmured and seemed relieved, when Carmilla didn’t respond to it, “I have to finish up my work… Just had the urge to hear your voice… Will you call me some time…? When you’re not busy of course, because I get that you’re busy there promoting your book and that that’s why you probably didn’t call me, but I wouldn’t wanna steal your time either and-”  
  
“Laura, breathe for just a second, will you?”, the dark haired woman chuckled lowly again and Laura could just picture her shaking her head in amusement, “I just didn’t call you the past days, because I wasn’t sure, how you’d feel about me calling… But now that I know that I’m allowed to call… Of course I will.”  
  
The blonde frowned, “Why did you think I wouldn’t want you to call me?”  
  
“Well… I don’t know…”, there was a hint of insecurity in her voice, “Have you thought about what I said, before I left for Chicago?”  
  
Laura inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She already was pretty sure of her decision regarding their relationship, but didn’t have the guts to talk it out right in that moment. Plus she had always been a person, who needed extra time with all her thinking.  
  
  
“I might have… But this isn’t something we talk about between book tour and TV-shows. I am airing in about half an hour.”  
  
“Right…”, Carmilla definitely was a little disappointed, but nonetheless wanted to come off nonchalant, “Well, have a great talk with your guest, sweetheart. I am rooting for you over here.”  
  
“Thanks Carm. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah? Bye.”  
  
“Of course. Take care, bye.”  
  
The line went dead.  
  
  
Somewhere about 9.693 kilometers away Carmilla was looking at her phone, a soft smile splayed across her lips.  
  
She’d called. _Laura had called her._

 

  
—————————————————————————————  
  
  
_I’m here. She is not. We are separated by thousands of kilometers. Everything is numb._  
  
_I don’t feel my heart pumping in my chest anymore, because there is no reason for it to beat out of its regular tact.  
I don’t feel my chest swell up or the butterflies in my stomach roaming around.  
They have died out the day I stepped into that damn plane and decided that this was a good plan. _  
  
_I want to go back. I want her so badly. The first night was so terrible. I felt lost and alone.  
The bed I have here in Dallas is nothing compared to the one I had back at home.  
Funny isn’t it? After he died, I never felt like calling that godforsaken place home again, but then she changed everything._  
  
_My apartment, my couch, my bed. All had felt like home with her. I wanted nothing more than us to work.  
I know, it was morally wrong and that I probably shouldn’t have started it in the first place.  
However, how is a heart forbidden to love, when its feelings are so out of this world?_  
  
_She is so out of this world, and I could have had her. No, I had her and then she vanished away.  
Like sand in-between my fingers, the individual grains falling one after the other.  
She vanished into a thin puff of air. Smoke. Nothing will ever be the same anymore.  
How could I have been so daft? _  
  
_Why wasn’t I more careful? Why did she have to be my student?  
I left her in that havoc to deal with her feelings alone, maybe that makes me more of the bad person that I so claimed not to be.  
I pretended to care for her well-being, when all I did was run like a stupid coward that just couldn’t deal with her own feelings anymore.  
I am nothing but a foolish teacher that didn’t have herself under control._  
  
_How many days will pass, after I stop longing for her? How many more hours must I endure this hell?  
Mental pain is nothing compared to physical one. We never learn that in the process of growing up.  
When reaching our teenage-years, we slowly start to grasp the depth of everything.  
Like meeting first loves, having first heartbreaks. It all forms us, and ultimately we get to be in contact with that form of agony._  
  
_Only my 16 year old self never could have imagined this. I am 8 years older now, almost 9 and still this pain is breathtaking.  
How could a person like me be so vulnerable for this type of ache? Haven’t I said good bye to the pain that goes by the word ‘love’?_  
  
_It is a simple four letter word. How could this simple four letter word be such a distress?_  
  
_Maybe in all of this, I don’t deserve love. Maybe I never did. That would explain a lot of things in my life.  
Maybe I did something wrong, maybe in one of my past lives I have done humanity wrong and now deserve to be bitter alone. Who knows?  
Thinking I don’t deserve it, is much better than having to wonder, what I could have done to preserve us from having to live in this agony._  
  
_I wish for her to meet the love of her life. I really do, because I don’t think that I was that person for her.  
And she can’t be this person for me either. There has to be hope somewhere that this wasn’t it, because if it was, why hadn’t it worked?  
She deserves all the good in the world. She deserves everything I could not give her. I want her to have everything in life. She needs to be happy._  
  
_And I need to let her go, in order to be happy._  
  
_One day I will be. One day I will be able to let Laura go.  
  
And one day she will be happy. This is my consolation prize now._  
  
  
—————————————————————————————

 

  
  
The blonde hadn’t realized that she’d been crying, while reading this particular part of her ex-lover’s diary. It was like Carmilla was describing her own feelings, which wasn’t so far-fetched. It opened her eyes. Carmilla was feeling like a train wreck too. It wasn’t like she got away with it.  
  
The pain followed her. Laura was only the one left behind, Carmilla on the other hand was the one, who had to actively leave her. Who had made that decision to ensure that she would be having a good future. Carmilla made the ultimate sacrifices for her and there she was still making her responsible for all the heartbreak.  
  
Carmilla had served her heart on a freaking silver platter some days ago, told her how much she loved her, acted on it, when she’d surprised her on her birthday with her stellar cooking performance and her gifts. Speaking of which, the blonde found her way to her bedroom and searched her closet for her new navy button down and put it over her bra-clad torso. She eyed herself in the mirror and her fingers brushed over the buttons. Then she remembered…  
  
  
_A flash of Carmilla’s smirk and her lips trailing down her rib cage filled her image._  
  
_Her buttons popping open, some scattered across Carmilla’s old childhood bedroom floor._  
  
_The tape that Renata Karnstein had of them, was from that day. Carmilla had ripped her shirt open._  
  
  
Carmilla was making an inside joke, when gifting her the shirt, because she had promised to buy her a new one- which she never had the chance to act on, because of reasons… And now… After all those years the brunette had remembered to buy Laura a shirt and this was for her a much better gift than the journal. No, okay they were head to head.  
  
That small thing was so important, because it really was true, what Carmilla had said some weeks ago. She really had a fantastic memory, and it came to use to sweep Laura off her feet. Carmilla had never forgotten anything and she had never stopped loving Laura. This stupid shirt was such a big symbol, and no one probably would understand, but it was, what made the decision crystal clear.  
  
  
  
_Fuck this shit._  
  
  
  
Laura rushed to her living room again and looked at her phone. The date indicating her that Carmilla was back in Chicago again. They had been speaking frequently in the past week. It was the 6th of November already. The blonde typed something into a search engine and after her search was successful, she clicked on the indicated information and filled in some blanks.  
  
  
After some time she called her work place, “Hey, Markus?… I need to take off from work for next week’s show…”, there was an angry producer on the other line, asking her why the hell his host was asking such a thing, “Because I have to fly to Chicago…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This particular chapter, and some passages in it were inspired by a conversation with a sweet human being.  
> And she will probably hate me for calling her sweet or a human being, but I don't care. To Broodmilla von Pornstein ;).  
> I'm still waiting for you to get rich and adopt cats with me and telling me to fuck university. Thanks for letting me bother you.
> 
> Fangirl with me over here: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)  
> And with fangirl I mean not over me or my story, I meant about other cool stuff.


	39. Lovesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Laura flies out to Chicago.  
> Someone is being daring again.  
> Carmilla needs to be persuaded.

“Oh my god, I hate this job so much! But I love you too much, to quit.”, Eve let herself fall down on one of the chairs beside her client and groaned, while letting her forehead meet the table surface in front of her.  
  
“That new PR job makes you so affectionate. I guess you really are lacking sleep.”, the brunette made a disgusted face and went back to reading.  
  
“And why the hell are you not helping me, huh?”, the blonde eyed the woman beside her disapprovingly.  
  
“Because I have better things to do. Plus, it is _your_ job, not mine. I pay you for doing this.”  
  
“Actually you don’t pay me a cent, it all is paid by-”  
  
“Don’t go there, who pays your boss, huh? All the royalties of my book do.”, Carmilla had her eyebrows risen and the woman beside her huffed out a breath.  
  
  
Just in that moment a phone went off and it was the distinct ringtone, that let Carmilla know that it was her former lover.  
  
  
Eve eyed the iPhone in front of her, a beautiful picture of the blonde ex taken on her birthday popping up, “Why does _she_ get her own song and I am stuck with that old-fashioned ringing sound?”  
  
“Because _she_ happens to be very special.”, the dark haired woman only responded, while sticking out her tongue and picking up.  
  
  
  
“Laura, hey.”, suddenly everything was brighter.  
  
“Hey, sooo… Are you busy?”  
  
“Nope, just been sitting around, doing nothing.”  
  
  
“Yeah, she really has been doing nothing.”, Eve said under her breath, apparently Laura had heard her.  
  
  
“Who’s that? Am I interrupting anything?”, the blonde on the other end of the line asked.  
  
“That was Eve, and no, **hardly**. She’s just been bickering about how unfair life is to her.”  
  
Laura chuckled, “And you, Carmilla Karnstein, are probably enjoying her misery.”  
  
“Of course I am. I enjoy making other people work for me, that’s how it becomes fun, doesn’t it?”, the brunette turned away slightly, to have some privacy, her friend understood and annoyingly got up and positioned herself into the far corner of the break room they were in.  
  
  
  
“So… Tell me, how is everything at the station? All good?”  
  
“Yes, we get to have that super-cool indie producer from Norway in our show on the fifth. Totally excited for that one.”  
  
“That sounds great.”  
  
“Yeah… How’s Denver? How is the weather there in October?”  
  
“Great. Cold”, was Carmilla’s curt answer.  
  
“What’s your next stop?”  
  
“Actually, I think we are headed back home in a few days. I should be in my cozy bed by Friday again. Maybe I can stream your show and watch you talk with that _super-cool_ guest of yours.”  
  
“Oh? That’s great! I think, you’ve been in enough hotel beds for the past few weeks.”  
  
“Yeah… My bed doesn’t even know, how my body feels anymore. I’ve spent most of the recent nights at various hotel beds, planes… _Your bed_ even.”, Carmilla could practically feel the other woman blushing at her words.  
  
  
“My bed, yes. It misses you.”  
  
“Does it now?”, the brunette was grinning entirely too much.  
  
“Yeah… And my couch too… Oh, and my floor… My floor is so enamored with your ass from all the time you’ve spent on it…”  
  
“Sure, I do have a great ass, I can’t help it. All the sugar or whatever goes to the right place apparently.”  
  
Laura was giggling, oh how Carmilla’d missed it, “Of course it does.”, she drawled.  
  
“Anything else missing my company **or** my glorious ass?”  
  
“Well, you know… Maybe my shower and my bathtub.”  
  
“Of course they would miss me too.”  
  
  
There was a short pause, before Laura picked up speaking again, “And me… _I miss you._ ”  
  
Carmilla smiled, not responding right away, she just smiled and closed her eyes. This was that new thing they did. Or they rather _said_. Instead of _I love you_ they said **I miss you**.  
  
  
“What did I tell you once? Distance makes the heart grow fond.”  
  
“Absence, you said _absence._ ”  
  
“Same thing.”, the brunette argued.  
  
“No. Absence means you are not here, but technically you could be, whereas distance negates that exact hope.”  
  
Carmilla was biting her lip, “Hmn… Would you like me to be able to be there? You know, _I could_ …”  
  
“Carm…”, Laura sighed and the dark haired beauty thought the other woman was going to tell her that she hadn’t made up her mind yet or that she was not talking about that, but was surprised, when that did not happen, “I really would like you here right now. In this moment, you know?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah, uh…”, Laura cleared her throat, “We had snow today.”  
  
“We have snow here everywhere.”, Carmilla chuckled and the blonde giggled at the response.  
  
“I guess, it’s not gonna be white Christmas here in Austria, but hey! At least we got some snow in freaking October…”, what a good way to distract from the actual topic.  
  
  
Carmilla listened to her ex-lover go on about how climate change had taken over the world. It was cute, and she got to hear her voice, plus the phone call made her get up her hopes again. With every time they talked, came more familiarity between them. She really **missed** her very much.  
  
  
//

**November**

  
Laura got off her phone, rage overtaking her. She had requested to take off from work for one freaking show and her producer wouldn’t let her -not without a certificate of sickness. Good thing that her best friend was a doctor. _Lovesick was the diagnosis._  
  
  
  
“L., ugh, tell me, _why_ I am doing this at least? Because the reason better be good.”, the redhead had their eyebrows up, waiting for an answer.  
  
Laura squirmed a little, like a child that didn’t want to give up their biggest secret, “I might use this thing to get away for a few days…”  
  
“Well, duh, that much I could tell. I asked for the _why_ and _where_ especially.”  
  
“You know… Just… Uh… Chicago, maybe?”  
  
LaF frowned, “Chicago- But why would you- Wait, Carmilla lives in Chicago, right?”  
  
“Yes. And yes, before you ask, it has something to do with her.”  
  
“Of course it does, I wouldn’t even have asked.”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, “Just, please give me a flu or I don’t know _something_ …”  
  
“You sure, you wanna risk your job like that?”, the doctor asked, because they knew that the blonde needed the sick cert, because simple begging hadn’t helped.  
  
“I don’t care in the moment, my flight’s tomorrow and I just know that I have to go there.”  
  
“Wanna tell me, what this is about?”, LaF tried again. They had heard half of the story from their wife, but still it wasn’t making any sense. _Were they now together or what?_  
  
  
Laura huffed out a breath and smiled, “I love her, LaF. _I love her_ and she’s been so patient with me and considerate and I hurt her so badly. I do it again and again and I just… I need to make a grand gesture, because I’m afraid, if I don’t, it won’t be enough. I just can’t believe that she hasn’t grown sick of me yet.”  
  
  
“So wait, she doesn’t know, you’re coming?”  
  
“No, I talked to her friend. Evelyn told me that they have this gala thing with some authors that got published by the same publisher or something. I’m just gonna show up there and surprise her. _I think_ … I hope me flying across the globe to see her is enough...”  
  
“Well… Ugh as romantic as it sounds, what about your job though?”, the redhead was always so rational. Impulsive, but rational.  
  
“I just hope that they won’t kick me out or something…”  
  
“This is exceptionally dumb, Laura.”, LaF was already filling out the sick note, but couldn’t help but have that scolding tone in their voice.  
  
“I know, but I have to do this. Aside from wanting to prove to her that I mean it, I really _need_ to see her.”  
  
“Alright, it’s your life. I’ll say you lied to me about your sickness, if anything fishy happens with this, yes?”, they held up the piece of paper that stated Laura had a bad case of abdominal influenza. _Yikes. Here come the Laura Hollis diarrhea jokes._  
  
“Of course, thank you so much, LaF!”, the blonde jumped on her friend, almost throwing them both over. LaF was taken by surprise and yelped.  
  
“I hope, it goes well for you.”  
  
“Fingers crossed!”, the blonde exclaimed on her way outside.  
  
LaFontaine watched her be all chipper and delightful. They hadn’t seen her like this in years. The doctor just hoped that her efforts would be rewarded.  
  
…  
  
“I really don’t know, why Jack is urging me to go to that freaking gala. Isn’t a book tour enough? It’s bad enough that he cut it short and wants to drag that thing out. I just wanna be done and finally be able to work on my next book.”, the dark haired writer complained while shoving some street food down her throat.  
  
“Carmilla, you will get the chance to meet a lot of influential people on that function. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet a new publisher there. For all I know, a lot of media nerds are going to be there.”  
  
“Yeah, because _that_ worked out so well in Graz…”  
  
“Well, _someone_ was busy blabbering to her girlfriend while she actually should have been at her spot, presenting her work. It’s really not my fault, you know?”  
  
“Or you just suck, because I didn’t really aim for an interview, when talking to Laura, and she even offered me one. And she is **not** my girlfriend, how many more times do I have to tell you?” Although Carmilla wanted her to be exactly that. So badly.  
  
“Wait, wait, what do you mean by she _offered you an interview_?”, the blonde publicist was looking at her client incredulously.  
  
“Well, Laura works for that TV channel and they do interviews with indie film makers, musicians and people like me in general… Like underdogs, and she offered to have me.”  
  
“And why the hell did you decline?!”  
  
“Uhm, I am ready to do any interview for newspapers and magazines, but I’m **not** going on TV.”  
  
“You fucking prick! This could have saved your ass! Jack would have let you do whatever, if you had done that!”, Eve covered her face with her hands in desperation, “Karnstein…”, she sighed.  
  
“First of all, how am _I_ supposed to know? And second of all it would have been majorly weird.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because Laura is my ex and it would have been kind of odd to talk about my book with her.”  
  
“Ugh, what am I gonna do with you?”, the older woman seemed to consider things, “Well… How is it going with her actually?”, Laura had already called the blonde and told her that she was going to be in Chicago on the following Monday, .  
  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Are you all _‘being together forever and riding off into the sunset with her’_ or what?”  
  
“No.”, the brunette answered curtly and took a sip of coke.  
  
“Well why the hell not?”  
  
“Because she doesn’t want to or hasn’t made up her mind yet, or whatever…”  
  
“And would _you_ want to?”  
  
Carmilla groaned, “Why the hell do you care?”  
  
“Well, I am just saying… You are not the youngest anymore... You need to settle down soon or I’m seriously gonna set you up with my cousin. Remember that cute girl we once met at Lincoln Park?”, Eve wanted to push the dark haired woman, to see, if Laura was coming for nothing or not. Not that she would ever butt in, but it was interesting for her to see, where she stood.  
  
  
“ **Ew no!** ”  
  
“Hey! She’s not _that_ bad, okay?”  
  
“No, that’s not what I meant…”, Carmilla’s features softened, “I just can’t _yet_ …”  
  
“So, still whipped?”  
  
Carmilla threw the wrapper of her sandwich at the woman opposing her, “Fuck you. You work for me, you should be talking business and not about my love life.”  
  
“Or lack thereof.”, Eve said under her breath.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing, you wanted to talk business, hmn?”  
  
“Gladly. Yes please.”  
  
…  
  
Laura eyed the hotel that the cab had dropped her off at. _Fancy_. She hadn’t really compared any prices, she just knew it was a little expensive, but she hadn’t anticipated it to be **that** fancy. It was a tall, shiny building. How she had missed skyscrapers like that. Not that London was full of them, but still it was more satisfying for the inner city-girl in her than living in Graz. And now Chicago was something else completely. Laura couldn’t wait to go to New York City some day. Maybe even with Carmilla? Considering how she loved that city... The blonde smiled at herself for thinking about the future like that.  
  
  
The check-in was successful and Laura was already in her hotel room, appreciating the fabulous view. 34th floor really was a nice add-on to the big windows that were letting in the sunlight. Only thing? The massive jet lag she was having. _Ugh_. A ten hour flight wasn’t the best thing after all.  
  
Laura freshened up a bit and made her way to her suitcase, getting out something comfortable to wear to bed. A little nap was on her agenda. After changing into a t-shirt and some fresh underwear, she let herself fall down onto the heavy mattress. _Oh yes, this is a comfy bed_. Just perfect for…  
  
  
After some time had passed, Laura awoke to a deafening sound. It was her phone. The blonde groggily pat around her bed, until she found it.  
  
  
“Hello…?”  
  
“Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you really are coming tonight.”, it was Eve.  
  
Laura jolted up, “Gosh, how late is it?”  
  
The blonde on the other end chuckled, “It’s 4:30 pm, so enough time to get ready. I’m going to pick you up in about an hour and a half. What hotel are you in?”  
  
“Oh, you really don’t have to, I can find my way there, just text me the address.”  
  
“No, really, Laura, I’m gonna pick you up, because Karnstein is so gonna kill me, if she finds out I let you wander around here, all by yourself.”  
  
“But-”, Laura wanted to interject.  
  
“No, _I insist._ ”  
  
“Okay… I’m staying at the Loews near the pier or something…?”  
  
“Great, gonna pick you up at 6, be on time. I’ll see you then.”  
  
“Yeah, sure, I’m always on tim-”, the line went dead, before she could finish her sentence. _That was weird_. Evelyn never had been this rude to her. Laura brushed it off as being too sensitive.  
  
_Maybe she’s had a bad day._  
  
  
  
  
Eve just got off the phone with Laura, when her next call came in. _Speaking of the devil somehow..._  
  
  
“Karnstein, what do you want?”  
  
“Uh, yeah, hello to you too... Where you at? Wanna grab dinner before we head to Hellhausen?”  
  
“Before we head to _where_ …? Ugh, nevermind… I will have to pass. We’ll have to meet later on, at the function.”  
  
“What? You were my ride!”, Carmilla exclaimed.  
  
“Well, you have inherited so much money anyways, you can grab a cab… And what is the problem here? You do have a car!”  
  
“Yeah, but I wanna get wasted today... Open bar and all, and what the hell? Your apartment is like 5 minutes away from mine! I counted on you.”  
  
“I am not driving straight from my apartment, you know… Plus shotgun’s reserved for someone else, sorry.”  
  
“Oh… You are not? Are you bringing that guy from last time again? Ryan or something?”  
  
“ **Bryan**. And _no_ , I’ll bring someone else and- Stop messing with me now, and put on a hot dress. I swear to god, I’ll kill you, if you are late again. Jack wasn’t so pleased with you the last time you pulled that.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah… I’ll be there at 7.”  
  
“Six, Carmilla, be there at six. I’ll see you there, I’ll be coming around 6:30, but you have a meeting with your fellow colleagues before all of that.”  
  
“Ugh, seriously?”  
  
“Get off the phone now! Get dressed.”  
  
“Sure boss.”, the brunette groaned.  
  
“That tone I like. See ya there.”  
  
“Uh huh…”, both hung up simultaneously.  
  
  
  
“That should go well…”, the blonde eyed her phone and sighed.  
  
…

Carmilla got out of her cab and into the building the gala was taking place at. Her publisher was soon to discover his newest protégée. He waved her over and introduced her to some of the other authors. All of them were about as excited as she was. There was a brief review of the past weeks and the brunette talked to him about her tour.  
  
After hanging around with that douche bag of a publisher, the dark haired woman made her way to the bar and ordered herself some Gin Tonic. _Some_ meaning, she ordered herself three glasses. The bartender eyed her suspiciously, but she brushed it off, telling him that it was for her and for her friends. (Yeah, right.)  
  
  
“It’s so sweet of you to order me a drink.”, there was suddenly a guy behind her and chuckled, when the bartender put the drinks in front of Carmilla.  
  
“I’m sorry, but those _are all mine_.”, the brunette smiled cockily in his direction.  
  
“Well, that’s alright. I wouldn’t be a gentleman, if I would take away your drinks.”  
  
Carmilla just shot him an acknowledging look, when starting to down her first glass.  
  
“Woah there, are the writers here _that_ bad?”  
  
“Haha, no. I am one of them actually.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. I am too. We’ve met on several occasions actually. I also got published by S &T.”  
  
“Oh, well sorry. I’m not so good with names and/or faces.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it. I am not either, but your face is just too unique to not to get noticed, that’s all. I’m Alex by the way.”, the guy extended his hand to the brunette, who shook it out of politeness. Of course she had caught onto the fact that he was semi-flirting now.  
  
“Carmilla Karnstein.”  
  
“I know, I saw your book cover back at the display in the break room. Karnstein…”, of course the guy pronounced it awfully wrong (even though she had said it with the German pronounciation some time ago), “Interesting name.”  
  
“I get that often, but people usually find ‘Carmilla’ weird too.”, he simply nodded. He wasn’t really interested in her as a person. That was clear by now. It was the little things that people did that caught her attention. Like the way his eyes had trailed down the full length of her dress, when she turned to face him a little.  
  
  
“Are you enjoying yourself, Carmilla?”  
  
The brunette quirked up an eyebrow, “Yes, _I am_. Thank you for asking, Andy.”  
  
“Alex.”  
  
“Of course, you must forgive me, I am not so good with names, as I already mentioned.”, she fake-giggled and pat his shoulder. She didn’t know why, but she just enjoyed doing that too much. Making men want her and then telling them she was not interested in them.  
  
“Don’t worry about it… So tell me what do you write about?”, ugh, but now he was getting on her nerves already.  
  
“About life. We all write about things that involve our own experiences somehow, don’t you think? Even a cook book is full of things one experiences.”  
  
“ _Interesting._ So, _what_ does that so-called life experience of yours involve?”  
  
That was a question that she could go on about for hours. That douche bag didn’t deserve her full answer though, so she started on engaging into a semi-interesting conversation with him. At least the time could be killed like that, until her friend, who would show up soon (hopefully). She thought about telling her via text that her presence would be very much needed.  
  
**Karnstein:** _Guy at bar is bothering me. If you read this and are here, it would be nice, if you could play my girlfriend again. ASAP_

  
...

  
Laura looked herself over in the hotel-bathroom mirror. She was wearing a black dress that was revealing a lot of cleavage and had cut-outs on the flanks, revealing her sides. It was sort of daring, but she wanted to look absolutely breathtaking for Carmilla. She had this chance, this one chance.  
  
Best thing was, she didn’t really have something big planned. Her only plan was to just show up there and be there for her ex-lover. And then tell her- She shook her head. The blonde didn’t want to overthink too much. Spontaneous things were much more authentic anyways. Her being in Chicago was a grand gesture already, right? _Yeah, totally... Right?_ Laura scolded herself mentally. _Chill, Laura, chill._  
  
  
  
The blonde waited for Evelyn, being at the street, where she was supposed to wait for her. It was funny actually. Laura had even stalked her on her socials, to get in touch with her and to be able to surprise Carmilla.  
  
There came a vintage-y refurbished Oldsmobile Cutlass and pulled up in the curb. Eve was motioning Laura to get in, who did. She smiled when feeling the old seats beneath her. It was something else. A car built for only two people. She didn’t know anything about cars, but this was definitely a nice vehicle. She had a thing for vintage automobiles, or vintage things in general actually.  
  
  
“Thank you for picking me up, ya know?”, the blonde started the conversation.  
  
“Of course, as I said, Carmilla would kill me, if she knew, I knew you were here and let you wander around alone.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, she is a little intense sometimes.”  
  
“ **No she isn’t**. It’s just because it’s _you_.”, the short-haired blonde said to the other, while casting her a serious look.  
  
Laura blushed a little and took in the city lights. Chicago was a nice city. Never would she have thought to end up there one day. Well, at least for some days she was there now, not that she was planning on moving there or something... She couldn’t even dwell on that for too long, because there certainly was a weird situation in the car. Eve was exceptionally quiet for the fact that she offered to pick her up. As if she didn’t like her almost…  
  
  
  
“Have I done something? Or does the cold treatment have nothing to do with me?”, Laura went for the direct path.  
  
The driver was obviously taken aback by the bluntness, “How did you come up with _that_?”  
  
“I don’t know, it seems like you have something to say, but aren’t, because you know I am friends with Carmilla and well, you’re friends with Carmilla.”  
  
“Is it that? Are you just _friends_ with her?”, there came a question that Laura hadn’t anticipated.  
  
“Uh, well yes, _we are_ …”  
  
“Really? Because I have never seen Karnstein swoon so much over another person…”, the blonde stopped at a traffic light and eyed her passenger, “I’ve known her for some time now, I’ve seen her with other people, you know?”  
  
Okay, _that_ Laura didn’t want to know, “Uhm… Sure, Carmilla is good-looking, of course she would be with people…”  
  
“This is not the reason I’m telling you, Laura… She’s my friend, you are damn right… And friends don’t want to see their friends unhappy.”  
  
“Do you think I make her unhappy?”, the car was in motion again.  
  
“No, quite the opposite actually. Or at least I thought so… I have seen her pick up your phone calls, like it’s freaking Santa Clause himself, which is wonderful and all, but you can’t play this back and forth game forever.”  
  
“What do you mean?”, the blonde in the black dress seemed clueless.  
  
“I don’t know, what your deal with her is, and why you are here in the first place, but trust me, when I say that I will steal your teddy bear collection, if you do her harm.”  
  
“I… Uh…”, _awkward._  
  
“She doesn’t have a dad to say it to you, so I am saying it now. If you came here, to break her heart, then don’t. Tell me to stop and drive you to your hotel, but don’t go there to break her heart.”  
  
“ **I won’t.** I swear, I love her and I am planning on telling her tonight that I wanna be with her.”  
  
“Are you sure?”, the driver looked at her expectantly.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Are you sure, you love her and that you’ll make her happy?”  
  
Laura didn’t even have to think about it, “I am absolutely sure that I love her and that I have the sole capability of making her happy.”  
  
Eve seemed to be satisfied with the answer, “Well, good then…”  
  
  
  
Some minutes elapsed, until they finally made it to the venue. Eve parked her exquisite car in one of the vacant spots and cut off her engine.  
  
“We are here. Let’s see, what Carmilla Karnstein says, when seeing you.”, the blonde wanted to exit her vehicle, when Laura held her back.  
  
  
“Evelyn?”  
  
“Please call me Eve. Evelyn is my grandmother. Ugh, terrible woman.”  
  
“Okay, Eve… _Thank you_. Thanks for making sure that Carm’s alright. I mean, thanks for taking care of her, when I couldn’t and for being a good friend to her in general.”  
  
“Oh wow, usually talks with Karnstein’s women don’t go so… _Smoothly_.”  
  
“Yeah, well, I’m not one of her many women.”  
  
Eve chuckled, “You know… _That’s_ what she said to me too.”  
  
Laura narrowed her eyes at the driver, but decided to let it go, as they both finally got out of the car.  
  
  
_Everything’s gonna be alright._  
  
  
  
Eve checked her phone, while entering the venue with Laura on her side.  
  
“Well, well, well. I already got a duty for you.”, the publicist showed the other woman the text that she had received from Carmilla just some minutes ago. Laura only frowned.  
  
“I am not really prepared to do _this._ ”  
  
“What do you need preparation for?”, Eve looked at the bar, where she already could spot the brunette (bored as ever) listening to a blonde guy talking about something animatedly. “There she is, just go there and save her and then conquer her heart already -not that _that_ needs to be done- she’s already pining for you since day one back here.”  
  
“Ugh…”, Laura eyed the situation and suddenly something shifted in her, when she saw, how the guy laid his hand on Carmilla’s lower back, “Oh my god! **Is he kidding me!?** ”, off she was, leaving back a very amused Evelyn. _That was easy._  
  
  
“Oh, those children. I love it.”, she said to herself and looked for Carmilla’s publisher in the opposite direction.  
  
  
  
  
  
“… and then I just thought, the world needs _another story about vampires_. Narrated by a man for a change. I mean, name me one vampire book written by a guy.”, he laughed.  
  
“Bram Stoker? Dracula?”, Carmilla knit together her brows, “I mean, _that_ is the first vampire book that crosses my brain, when someone mentions that genre.”  
  
The blonde guy smiled, and put his hand on the brunette’s body. **Ew.** “You are smart. I like that about you.”  
  
_Really?_   Knowing the classic was counted as being smart? The dark haired woman downed another Gin Tonic. _Woah, too much in one go._  
  
  
Suddenly a voice startled both of them. Carmilla out of another reason than the guy next to her, whose hand now wasn’t touching the dark haired woman anymore.  
  
  
“Hey Carm.”, the brunette turned around to face the blonde that was now standing behind the two of them, “Who’s your... _That_?”, she asked with the politest of smiles, motioning towards douche bag. She was showing too much teeth. It came off a little fake. Probably because it _was_.  
  
The female writer’s eyes were wide, she couldn’t believe, who was standing in front of her.  
  
  
“Oh, hello... Do you know her?”, Alex asked the woman beside him, who just nodded in surprise.  
  
“Yeah, sorry, how impolite of me, for not introducing myself.”, Laura threw in a marvelous fake-smile again, “I’m Laura Hollis, and _that_ would be my girlfriend that you are hitting on.”  
  
Okay, could the situation make her any more flustered/dumbfounded? Carmilla was dreaming, right? It was exactly like about a month ago, when she’d seen the blonde on that author’s convention.  
  
“Girlfriend…? You mean…?”  
  
Laura stepped closer to the brunette and wrapped her left arm around Carmilla’s waist.  
  
“As in together, _yes_.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“Yep.”, Laura nodded reassuringly in his direction and the guy finally got the hint and left them alone.  
  
  
  
“What the hell?!”, finally she talked. Carmilla found her tongue again.  
  
“Someone might have told me that you needed some help, so I decided to help you out. I’m sorry, if I overstepped there a little, but he shouldn’t have hit on you. There is much better company present in this hall, compared to him.”, the blonde smiled in her ex-lover’s direction, who frowned.  
  
“Laura?”, she cupped her face, needing proof for herself that she indeed wasn’t imagining things again, like that one time… “What are you even doing _here_ …?”, Carmilla pursed her lips, “How…? What...?”  
  
  
“My, my love birds!”, both were interrupted by the blonde publicist, “Karnstein, Jack wants to talk some business with you.”  
  
“God, he always has the _bestest_ of times, doesn’t he?”, Carmilla was visibly irritated. All she wanted to do, was asking Laura what the hell she was doing in Chicago. Was morphing a thing now? Had technology caught up on so much while she refused to adapt?  
  
Eve sighed, “That word doesn’t even exist, and now go! He is waiting.”  
  
“I’ll be right back…”, the brunette looked at Laura, and searched for something there, “Don’t go anywhere…”, Carmilla already was stepping away backwards.  
  
“I’m here, waiting for you. I’ll be waiting, as long as you need, **love**.”, Laura smiled warmly and that was assurance enough. The moment the brunette had heard her former girlfriend call her _‘love’_ , she wanted to run back to her and wrap her up in her arms and kiss her, but it would have been infinitely inappropriate and she didn’t even know, if that was possible or if Laura would want her to. Her main goal was it to find out, why the hell she was there at the first place. This couldn’t be just a coincidence. She was there for _her_ , hopefully...  
  
  
“Well that seemed to go well.”, Eve eyed the other woman, who was dreamily watching Carmilla walk away, until a grape of people swallowed her.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“She was pretty happy to see you.”  
  
“You think?”, Laura blushed and took the drink that was placed before her. There was still a glass of Gin Tonic left and the blonde knew, it must have been Carmilla’s, so she just took a sip of it.  
  
Eve rolled her eyes, “God, you are so adorable. No wonder she likes you…”, she had a fond expression on her face, before it changed into a teasing smirk, “Well, and now, while we are waiting... Why don’t you tell me, how _professor_ Karnstein was as a teacher?”  
  
Laura almost spilled her drink, “ **What?** ”, she croaked out.  
  
Eve laughed out loud and the other woman only narrowed her eyes at her. She wasn’t so sure anymore, if she liked that snarky publicist.  
  
  
  
Throughout the evening Carmilla became more and more occupied with interviews for small local magazines or had to talk to various people her publisher sent her to. He was doing his job of promoting her, and whereas she didn’t understand business or marketing at all, she knew that it was important to get into the radar of certain people. However that was in none of her interest, since Laura had shown up. Since she had showed up in that dress that should be prohibited to wear, because first of all it revealed too much and second of all, it revealed too much! That dress made Carmilla think of all the forbidden things she wanted to do- _Focus, Carmilla._  
  
The dark haired beauty had some time to herself, after a tiring 34 minutes of wandering around and talking to random people, so she made it her new mission to search for Laura. Of course she wasn’t at the bar anymore, so she had to look for her in the hall, which was pretty freaking huge.  
  
  
  
“… And I would always get her out of those situations. People always assume I’m into women, just because I dress in a certain way, or use vulgar language most of the time, so I’m the perfect friend for Carmilla.”, Eve was telling the woman she was keeping company about one of the many situations she had to help her client out.  
  
“I still can’t believe the story with the dutch guy. This is too funny.”, Laura laughed out loud and just for a second she felt like someone was watching her, so she averted her gaze from the blonde next to her on the round table, and was immediately met by a pair of dark eyes in the far corner of the hall.  
  
The two orbits held her own captive. There was no room to flee. Laura’s laugh subsided and suddenly she had the urge to just stand up and run to that dark brown that was begging her almost to come closer. Just in the moment she came to senses and decided to really do it, but Carmilla was approached by someone again. Laura groaned internally and paid attention to the woman beside her again, once her ex-girlfriend’s eyes weren’t boring through her soul anymore.  
  
  
  
Carmilla had found her and then lost her attention again, once that dickhead of a reporter came in-between their heated staring contest. Who had the audacity to disturb such an intimate moment? It was frustrating. Laura was so close, and then again, so far away. Carmilla couldn’t keep calm any longer. She excused herself and crossed the room to her ex-lover, as if nothing in the world existed anymore. Actually it simply didn’t. Nothing existed with _her_ in a room full of people. Except for _her_.  
  
  
“Hey!”, she interrupted her friend and Laura, while they were talking about something very amusing apparently.  
  
“Oh, hey. Now, _you_ tell Laura here, about that one time that Russian hooker thought you wanted to sleep with her. It is a golden story, really too good!”  
  
Carmilla frowned, “Why the hell would you tell her stories like these?!”  
  
“Because they are hella fun, of course!”  
  
“Okay, I don’t have time for this… Uhh…”, the brunette bit her bottom lip and looked directly at Laura now, “Laura, can I talk to you in private?”  
  
“Sure.”, the blonde stood up and followed Carmilla outside of the venue, where a fresh breeze was awaiting them. Chicago’s November weather certainly was colder than the one in Austria. Only a dress was a bad idea, Laura thought to herself. She should have gotten her coat.  
  
  
  
Laura was shivering within the first few seconds they were standing outside.  
  
“Gosh, didn’t you bring a jacket or something?”  
  
“I did, but I gave it up, and now the line would have been to long… Ugh, you guys have bad, bad weather.”  
  
“Ever heard of the windy city myth? It also kind of fits to the chilly temperatures.”, Carmilla replied and cast her a sympathetic look. The brunette was used to it by now.  
  
“Whatever, I’m gonna make it, it’s not _that_ cold.” It was pretty chilly.  
  
“But you are barely wearing anything.”, Carmilla let her eyes wander over Laura’s body, who squirmed a little under her gaze.  
  
“I wanted to look sexy, I guess? Which completely backfired-”, the blonde tried to reason.  
  
Carmilla bit her lip and cocked an eyebrow, before carefully interrupting, “Oh, no. You do, Laura. Don’t you worry, _you do look like sin on two legs_.”  
  
  
There was a moment of silence, before the brunette decided to speak up again.  
  
  
“Laura, what the hell are you doing here? _Again_ , well I mean, again surprising me, you just never stop, _do you_ …?”, the dark haired woman chuckled.  
  
“Carm, you _do realize_ that I just flew all the way from Graz here, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah… I mean, yeah I know… And I’m still trying to figure out why…”  
  
“You do realize though that I came here for you, right?”, Laura grinned with her tongue in-between her teeth. Oh, how Carmilla had missed that woman in front of her.  
  
“Well, actually I thought, you were here, because there is an open bar…”, for that the blonde slapped her arm lightly, “But… Seriously though… You _here_ , why…? I mean, I get it is because of me, but...”  
  
“Yeah… Uh… I kind of finished your journal.”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “It is **not** a journal.”  
  
“Your handwritten book then…”  
  
“Okay? I still don’t understand, why you would...”, the brunette couldn’t really make out anything with just being provided with that piece of information.  
  
“Well, what the hell do you think, I came for Carm? Of course I came here for _you_. I needed to see you urgently.”

“But don’t you have to work…?”, yeah Karnstein, _those_ questions were super important now.  
  
“I had LaF write me a sick note, my producer thinks I have _explosive diarrhea_ or something.” Yep, she even could live with _that_ , if that meant she could be with Carmilla.  
  
“What? Laura, you have that job for what? A month now? And you are endangering it with lying?”  
  
The blonde frowned and shook her head, “ **Two** months… And are you seriously talking about my job now?”  
  
“No, sorry... I am just overwhelmed… You came all the way here, just to see me?” This couldn’t be it. There was more reason for Laura to come to the US than just to see her, right?  
  
“Uhm. Yeah?”  
  
“And there is no _other_ reason for you to come here, besides wanting to see me? Because… Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that you’re here, but...”, she trailed off.

  
Laura was just about to say something in response, when the door opened and Evelyn popped up, “God, Karnstein, I’ve been looking for you all over the place! Come in, there’s someone, who wants to meet you.”  
  
“ **Seriously?!** ”, the brunette groaned and shot her former lover an apologetic look, who pressed her lips together and nodded to signify her that it was okay.  
  
  
  
_God, Carmilla Karnstein really is a busy woman._  
  
  
Laura was sitting at a table again, some old man chatted her up -fortunately not in the flirtatious way, ugh. He seemed like 90 or something. The blonde wouldn’t have been surprised, if he passed out right on that table, that’s how fragile he looked.  
  
Her mind was racing to her ex-girlfriend. It was frustrating that she got cut off every time she wanted to tell Carmilla about her feelings. As if some higher power didn’t want her to be with her… Which… Laura shook her head. **No** , she was not gonna give up that quickly. Maybe some higher power was watching over her and shoving her to another direction, but if Carmilla didn’t want her, if Carmilla didn’t love her back, she would have to tell her herself. But then again… Could she really have lost the brunette so easily? A love like that couldn’t be thrown away like that, right?  
  
  
_Girl the hell up, Hollis. God, you’re pathetic._  
  
  
The blonde quickly spun her head around, to be able to see through the crowd and could spot the brunette in a heated conversation with some other fellow writers or whatever they were -wasn’t really important. Whereas Laura didn’t want to impose on them, she also wasn’t keen on letting anything keep her from telling the love of her life exactly what she wanted.  
  
However, Laura felt exceptionally tired, because a long journey did that to you. The jet lag was not of help either. Going back to the hotel was her only good option, as Eve had told her some minutes ago that she was going to drop some important thing off some blocks away and then she would be ready to drive back home. Laura had asked her, if she could give her a ride to her hotel. Carmilla didn’t seem to have any free time anyway. But before all of that, she wanted to be a little cheesy and what she had in mind was just about perfect.  
  
Laura grabbed a napkin from the table and asked the 90-something man for a pen. Luckily he had one. He then started to tell her all about that pen and how his grandchild had his own firm that made those super cool pens and blah, blah, blah.  
  
Quick letters formed a solid sentence. _A question_ , rather. Laura laughed at herself. It was so childish somehow. Just for good measure she added some extra things to the napkin that had to act as a note in that moment. It was a sweet sentiment (at least she hoped so).

 

  
Some tables further Carmilla was having an interesting conversation with some more established writers that were interested in her as a person and just wanted to chat with her. People like that were the ones that the brunette wanted to surround herself with at those types of functions. Definitely better than those douche bags that hit on you, just because you got legs and arms or something.  
  
Suddenly a whiff of something so familiar reached her, and before she could react properly to it, a neatly folded napkin was placed in front of her and someone was standing behind her, whispering something in her ear.  
  
  
“I’ll be going now… Enjoy your night, yeah? I’ll be here until Saturday. I’m staying at the Loews, it’s by the pier... Hopefully I’ll see you...” Laura straightened up and wished all the other people at the table a good night and stalked off, but winked in Carmilla’s direction, before doing so.  
  
  
_What the hell?_  
  
  
Carmilla didn’t know, what that had meant. She wanted nothing more than to talk about earlier. The brunette eyed the napkin placed in front of her thoroughly, before an idea came to her mind.  
  
_Maybe unfold it?_  
  
She did. And what was written down, in Laura’s handwriting, made her chest expand in broad fondness. Carmilla smiled to herself and shook her head. This was a ~~note~~ napkin that certainly needed to be kept as a reminder.  
  
  
How could she not follow Laura in that moment?  
  
  
So she did. Carmilla got up, pulling out a red lipstick from her clutch, marking the napkin with it, and telling everyone that she unfortunately had to be somewhere else and went off to follow the woman of her dreams.  
  
  
  
“ **Laura!** ”, the blonde heard someone, a _very special someone_ call out her name, so she turned with a frown. It was Carmilla, slightly out of breath with her coat hung loosely around her arms, still trying to get in.  
  
“What are you doing here? You are supposed to be inside, enjoying the night.”, just then the brunette held up the napkin that she not so long ago had received from her. Just now, there was something added to it. Laura approached the woman, until she was standing close enough to read her own sloppy handwriting.  
  
  
  
  
**_CARMILLA KARNSTEIN, DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME?  
_**

###### □ _YES, ABSOLUTELY_   ▣ _MAYBE, I NEED MORE PERSUASION_    □ _NO, YOU BLEW IT_

  
  
  
Carmilla had marked the second checkbox, of course to tease Laura, but the blonde could only smile. She had anticipated it. Plus, Laura hadn’t blown it. And even though, she wrote the ‘no’-part there just because, you **can’t not** … She actually was genuinely afraid that that last box could get picked. After all she had done, Laura was allowed to fear exactly that.  
  
“How could I want to be with anyone, who isn’t you in this moment?”, Carmilla asked and bit her lip. Her smile so beautiful, sincere and gentle at the same time.

Laura inhaled deeply and nodded her head in deep thoughts, before deciding to finally speak up.  
  
  
“Carmilla, I need to tell you something.”  
  
The brunette’s expression faltered and she was knitting her brows, it sounded so serious. Laura reached forwards and brushed her fingertips against her former lover’s forehead, until the crinkles were even again, before she continued.  
  
“It’s nothing bad, but something that has to come off my chest, because I just flew god knows how many kilometers or miles or whatever to actually tell you in person…”, deep breath, “And I usually would have planned out something romantic or whatever, but then I thought the hell with it -I literally thought that- because Carm, there is nothing that I could do better or do otherwise to make amends. I have so many flaws and I did so many things wrong that I kind of would want to take it all back, but actually kind of also don’t.”, Carmilla was patiently listening to her, keeping eye-contact, “Because, who knows, maybe if I hadn’t done all of that, I would have never known just how amazing you actually are. I knew from the start on that you were special to me, I told you often enough, but now I just know, how real all of this with you is. Trust me, I am aware that I’ve had a lot of chances with you, and I blew all of them-”, the brunette wanted to interject, but Laura wouldn’t have it, “ **I’m talking**. Anyway…”, she was taking in a deep breath again, “I’m here Carm. I know _now._ And I’m infinitely sorry that I have hurt you, but I hope you can forgive me, because I choose you. I choose you over any fucking obstacle, I choose you over those fucking miles that are parting us, I choose you, even if that means that our relationship might be a little rocky for now.”, she took another pause, eying the floor, when Carmilla finally found courage to speak, even though the woman opposed to her hadn’t allowed her to.  
  
“Laura, of course I forgive you! Do you know, how often I’ve dreamt about this? I dreamt about this since that first night I spent at your place and you decided to take care of me, even though I was this monumental asshole to you-”  
  
The blonde chuckled, tears were now streaming down her face, she was just so damn happy.  
  
“Don’t cry, sweetheart-”, Carmilla tried to wipe them away, but Laura shook her head.  
  
“Those are tears of happiness and **hey**! _I’m not finished yet_.”, she wiped them away herself, “I never was aware of the fact that I was always secretly hoping that you would come back. Do you know, why I stayed in Austria, Carmilla? Because I wasn’t able to let you go and in my own twisted way I wanted to stay close to you. I’m a psychic, because see, you _really came back_ …”, Laura frowned at her own words, smiling in melancholy, but this was a happy moment, “So… I don’t have anything special planned out, I didn’t even pick up a bouquet of roses, nor have I thought of getting you a kind of gift, but that’s the point. I didn’t think of anything, when I knew. I just wanted to be with you and tell you. Carmilla, I am serving you my heart on a silver platter, this is my gift. I am offering you the most valuable thing of me right here... To you, because I trust you.”, the dark haired woman cast her a fond look, she was already melting, but then Laura put the cherry on top.  
  
“ _I love you_. I cannot say I always have, because it is stupid to say that, but I have loved you in the past 6 years and I internally never gave up on you, just like you didn’t give up on me. I just didn’t show it well, but now I know for sure, you are the love of my life. I love you, Carm.”, Laura locked eyes with the other woman, to emphasize it again.  
  
“ _You hear that? Carmilla Karnstein, I am in love with you._ ”  
  
  
In a swift motion the brunette reached out her right arm, tugged Laura closer to her own body and placed her lips on the blonde’s mouth, who was taken by surprise (she hadn’t anticipated it to be _that_ eager), and gasped, but it was perfect nonetheless. It was perfect, because it was Carmilla. _It was her._ It had always been her. And it always should be her.  
  
  
  
A mouth can say so many things. Things that can hurt you. Things that bring you pure joy. Things that are able to change everything.  
  
However no words could convey what Carmilla wanted Laura to know in that moment. So there was another use of the mouth: kissing.

  
  
The blonde gently pushed the other woman away and flung her arms around Carmilla’s neck.  
  
  
“I’m so sorry that it took me a whole eternity, Carm.”  
  
The dark haired woman smiled dreamily and sighed, “It’s okay. Where would have been the fun in having it like I wanted from the start on? Our relationship was never easy, but I wouldn’t wanna have it any other way actually. I wouldn’t wanna have _you_ any other way, sweetheart.”, Carmilla shook her head and smirked, leaning in to capture Laura’s lips for a short kiss again.  
  
  
  
“Okay…So...”, the blonde exhaled, a frown decorating her beautiful, moonlit face, “We can do this, right? You want me enough to pull through this? Wherever it leads us? With the distance and all? Because I cannot live another moment, without knowing you are mine.”  
  
Carmilla hummed in agreement and smiled entirely too happily, “Yes, if you are willing to make this work, then I am too.”  
  
“I just flew all the way here from Austria. I think, I am _very_ committed.”, the blonde nodded to herself. Carmilla chuckled, her beauty enhanced by a 100 percent.  
  
_How was that even possible?_  
  
  
Suddenly a honk brought them out of their dreamy state.  
  
“Ey, Laura! I didn’t know that Karnstein was coming with us! My car’s not big enough for two passengers!”, Eve exclaimed through her open car window.  
  
The blonde didn’t need to respond, as Carmilla was already doing it for her, “She won’t be needing your services! She’s coming with me tonight!”  
  
“I am?”, Laura asked her lover.  
  
“Yeah, you have not seen my apartment in Chicago… And now that we are reunited again, I’d like to integrate you into my life tonight.”  
  
“That sounds oddly sexual you two...”, Eve was squinting her eyes at the pair and then shrugged, “Oh well, use protection. Call me in the morning, Carmilla and congrats you two.”, she winked and off she drove.  
  
  
Laura just giggled and slowly went off in the direction where the cabs were aligned one after the other. Carmilla was quick to follow, once she caught up on Laura’s intention.  
  
  
“You found that funny?”  
  
“Immensely so, yes.”, Laura assured.  
  
“Since when are you two friends? I mean, her wanting to drop you off, and you two hitting it off tonight…?”  
  
Laura laced her fingers with Carmilla’s and smiled broadly. Both looked like stupidly in love. Which they kind of both were. _Ew, lovesick idiots._  
  
  
“Well, why don’t I tell you during our cab ride to your place?”  
  
“Works for me.”, Carmilla replied and looked fondly at the woman next to her.  
  
  
“What?”, Laura could only reciprocate the smile that the brunette was gifting her. One of those rare expressions on that usually bland face. As in her expression. Of course Carmilla was anything but bland. And her face was the one of a goddess.  
  
The brunette stopped midway, turning her lover to face her, and placed her hands on her waist, slipping them sneakily below her parted coat, steadying her.  
  
  
“Wait.”, Carmilla stroked the strip of skin that Laura’s dress made accessible to her (cutouts on your sides were a good thing), causing the blonde to shiver under her touch, “I _will_ go on a date with you... Aaaaaand... I love you too, Laura.”, at that the addressed woman inhaled deeply, and bit her lip to prevent herself from smiling too much, because god, she could have sworn she looked like the biggest fool.  
  
  
  
_Oh well, her whole life Laura had told herself that only fools fell in love._

  
_Then Carmilla wrote a book about how fools fall in love._

  
_And now both of them were lovesick fools._

  
_Lovers and fools, united again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever wanted to talk or just hang out: [Let's meet on tumblr!](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	40. You Are My Fairytale And My Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to In Life You Always Meet Twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you asked for it, you shall receive.  
> This is the final one though for this story.  
> I wanted to give them a little more time, so...
> 
> Thanks you guys, it really is great to get so much positive feedback, so yeah!  
> Have fun reading and hopefully you are happy for those two dorkies.
> 
> X

“… and this is all the news I have for you today. Have a great evening and thank you for watching.”  
  
As soon as the blonde got the signal that the news broadcast was all wrapped, she slid her hands under her top and got rid of the microphone that was stuck on her body and handed it the sound guy. She said good bye to everyone and made her way to her dressing room. Laura just wanted to go home and relax. Her job had been pretty stressful lately and she finally had some time at home for herself, as her boss gave her off for three weeks.  
  
  
  
  
Upon entering her apartment, she immediately was greeted by a purring and meowing black cat that was begging for her affection. After locking the door behind her, she bent down and picked the guy up and let it nuzzle its head against hers.  
  
  
“Carm, honey you home?”, she tried once.

  
_Nothing_. Weird, all the lights were on.

  
“Where’d she go, little guy?”, she asked the pet, as if it would answer her.  
  
  
  
She let him jump on the kitchen counter, carefully checking, if her lover really wasn’t around (because she didn’t like it, when the cat was on there). Laura sauntered over to the couch after getting rid of her trench coat and shoes and turned on the TV. She saw herself on the screen, while changing channels, stopping to analyze herself while she was talking on about some weird angler-fish invasion in the River Amazon.  
  
After the broadcast was over, she let her gaze wander through the now pretty empty room. Beside the couch and the cupboard the TV was resting on, there was nothing there anymore. Cardboard boxes were filling the apartment to the brim. They really did have a lot of stuff. It only came to her in that moment. Carmilla and her had built a life together. Absentmindedly her right hand was tracing the five little stones on the ring that decorated her left annular finger. A content smile splaying on her lips, as she remembered the past year…  
  
  
//  
  
  
**May, 2022**  
  
  
Carmilla was sitting on Laura’s couch, working on her second novel, when the blonde came bursting through the front door. Immediately the dark haired woman set aside her laptop and made her way to the dining table, where Laura was already peeling off her jacket, draping it over a chair. _No greeting? Oh well..._  
  
  
“Hey, you’re finally home!”, Carmilla smiled broadly, leaning in to greet her lover with a kiss, but before she could do that, Laura was already holding her up.  
  
  
“You… You are talking to LTV’s new news anchor.”  
  
“What?”, the brunette was confused for a moment, before it all settled in.  
  
Laura had applied at LTV just some months ago. It was a local TV channel in London. Their relationship in the past half year had mostly consisted of Carmilla flying down to Austria to see her lover, because Laura wasn’t so free with her schedule, like the brunette was. Both had agreed on not holding each other back, so when Laura got the opportunity to do something she thought, she really would like, she applied. Never would she have thought to be picked though.  
  
“They called me just some minutes ago, and I picked it up during driving, and I know, how much you hate it, when I drive and use my mobile, so I stopped to take the call, because I… But … Carm… I got the job.”, she was rambling.  
  
“That’s so great! I’m so happy for you!”, Carmilla smiled and embraced her girlfriend.  
  
“Yeah?”, the brunette wanted to pull back, but Laura stayed like that, with her head in the crook of her lover’s neck and breathed in her scent, “That means… That I’ll be moving to London in a few weeks… You know that right…?”  
  
“Hmm, of course.”, Carmilla finally pulled back and cast her lover a confused look, “But what does it change?”  
  
Laura tilted her head, her gaze was directed at the wall behind Carmilla’s head and she came to the conclusion, “You’re right. It _doesn’t_ really change anything…” _Still a long distance._  
  
“I’ll come visit you in your London home by then. I would be even gaining two hours of my life, when you move to _The Island_.”  
  
  
“What?”, Laura let go of her lover completely now, only facing her.  
  
“Well, the flight from London to Chicago would be like 8 hours or so. Less time in the air. Less waste of my time up there.”  
  
The blonde nodded and sighed dramatically.  
  
“What?”, Carmilla was seeking for her to meet her eyes, “That’s a good thing right?”  
  
“Carm…”, this tone the brunette didn’t like, “… Are you unhappy?”  
  
“What? Why would you say that?”  
  
Laura moved over to the couch and her girlfriend followed her, they were both cross-legged and facing each other.  
  
  
  
“I mean, this relationship… You coming here all the time, I know it’s kind of tiring for you-”  
  
“Laura, no… It’s not tiring! I love coming here for you.”  
  
“Yeah? Wasting your time so you can be with me for some days is good enough for you?”  
  
Carmilla closed her eyes for a bit, knowing where that came from, “Sweetheart, I didn’t mean it like _that_. I meant it’s a waste of time, when I’m up there, instead of having you right away, but that doesn’t deter me from wanting to come see you.”  
  
“We can’t do this forever, you know that right?”, they had been together for a little more than half a year and the blonde couldn’t believe that she was having that talk like one week before Carmilla’s birthday. Who would get the prize for _the world’s best girlfriend_? Laura! **Not.**  
  
  
“What are you saying?”  
  
“Ugh, nothing… Just that we can’t live like this forever, I didn’t imply anything else…”, Laura shook her head and leaned in to cup Carmilla’s face and kiss her, but the brunette didn’t let her, as she placed her hands on her shoulders to keep her at distance.  
  
“This is important, Laura. If you can’t do it anymore-”, the blonde vigorously shook her head again.  
  
“God no, that’s totally **not** what I meant. We’ll figure it out somehow… I mean, we see each other every month now and I know, how much of an effort you’re making, I’m willing to give you back at least the same effort… Just…”, Laura sighed, before Carmilla interrupted her.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I love you, you know that right?”, the blonde asked with those big eyes.  
  
There was a faint smile on Carmilla’s face to be traced back to the declaration. She still couldn’t get enough of her lover saying it to her, “Of course, and I love you.”  
  
“Good, then we’ll figure it out somehow…”  
  
  
//  
  
  
Carmilla was out in the air. She had spent the whole day writing, and the apartment didn’t really give her any more inspiration. The stupid boxes were strewn all over the place. It was not a nice sight to look at after having spent 12 hours in a nearly empty apartment. However that still had a nice appeal to it.  
  
One more week, until she could finally start her new life with her fiancée, she smiled, while walking down a semi-crowded street, reminiscing…  
  
  
//  
  
  
**July, 2022**  
  
  
The brunette stood in front of the thick wooden door for about an hour (which meant 5 minutes), but it felt like freaking hours. Carmilla was nervous. Like _really_ nervous. She never had been this nervous before. Not even the first time she had gone there. Of course that was something else entirely.  
  
The last time she had been that nervous, when about to enter that particular house, was when she was introduced to her girlfriend’s father for the first time. Well, sort of… They had ‘met’ via phone before. Which had made things more awkward, as he was asking the pair, how they had found each other again after all those years. It took Laura a lot of courage telling her parent the real story. However after a couple of weeks she finally did tell him.  
  
At first he wasn’t very pleased, but seeing his daughter that happy made him open up to Carmilla and now he was nothing more than supporting. He saw the way the brunette looked at his daughter. He knew that expression, he knew the mannerisms, he knew that she wasn’t just a woman using Laura. He saw a woman in love and his daughter reciprocated the love. It was beautiful. Laura was back, his little girl was happy. She was back.  
  
  
“Carmilla, darling what are you doing here?”, Laura’s father greeted her, after she had found the courage to ring the doorbell.  
  
“Uhm, hey Christopher… May I come in?”  
  
“Of course…”, he led her in and closed the door behind him, frowning, “Is everything alright…?”, his heart picked up speed, “Did anything happen to Laura?”  
  
“God no!”, the brunette shook her head, “I just need to talk to you.”  
  
“Alright, come on in…”, he gestured towards the living room and both sat down. Carmilla on the two-seater and Mr. Hollis on the armchair that was on the opposite side.  
  
  
_Silence._  
  
  
“What did you want to talk about?”  
  
“Have you seen Laura lately?”, she started to make smalltalk with the man.  
  
“Uh, yes… We see each other quite frequently, ever since she moved back to London.”  
  
Carmilla nodded, not really concentrating on listening to him.  
  
“When was the last time _you_ saw her?”, he asked now with curiosity.  
  
“Last month.”  
  
Christopher had a bad feeling, “You are here in London, and you did not go see her? You two didn’t break up, did you? Because, I apprehend that a long distance relationship can be hard, but you have to work and-”, he was prepared to shove her right into the arms of his daughter, knowing how devastated she would be, if it really was over between them.  
  
“No, no, no…”, Carmilla could have smacked herself. Why was it so hard? “I’m actually…”, her gaze fell on the floor and she picked at a crease on her dress, “Christopher…”, she closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.  
  
The man opposite her leaned forwards a little, “Carmilla?”  
  
“I love her very much.”  
  
“Oh dear, I know that.”  
  
“You do? Because sometimes not even she seems to know.”, the brunette chuckled.  
  
“I know. She’s my Laura, but that’s why you are with her. You have to remind her.”, he said fondly.  
  
Carmilla met his eyes and for the first time everything seemed so clear, “That’s what I’m planning on doing. Forever.”, she bit her lip and contemplated on how to say it, but then she went with the line she had heard on many films…  
  
  
“Christopher, I am here, because I would like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”  
  
His jaw dropped. Okay, he hadn’t expected _that_. His eyes searched the floor, a frown showing up. Carmilla wanted to vanish into thin air, or die or _something_ , because he didn’t seem to be pleased, but then…  
  
  
“When?”  
  
“What?”, she didn’t understand.  
  
“When were you planning on proposing?”  
  
Carmilla bit her lip, cocking her eyebrows, “I don’t really know… I just know that it is going to be soon…”, she was waiting for something, anything.  
  
“Do you have a ring?”  
  
“No, I was planning on buying one soon, but-”, she couldn’t finish her sentence, as he was already rising up and rushing out of the room.  
  
  
Okay, _that_ could have gone way better. _What the hell just happened?_  
  
  
Before she could die out of an heart attack, Christopher was back in the room, tears now falling from his face and he was… Smiling. It was odd, Carmilla frowned, standing up nervously (oh yeah, the anxiousness was back).  
  
“Look, I get that maybe you think it’s too soon and me not having a ring is probably a little weird for you and you might think I’m not meaning it or I don’t know, but _I do_ love her with all of my heart and-”  
  
“Stop talking.”, he chuckled, “Here…”, he reached out his hand, and there she saw it. He was pinching a ring between his forefinger and thumb. It was a beautiful ring with five tiny stones that were most likely diamonds.  
  
  
“What…?”, she was confused.  
  
“It’s our family heirloom. Well, sort of…”, he didn’t elaborate on that further, “I got it from my mother, when I asked Laura’s mother to marry me.”  
  
She eyed the piece meticulously, before he put it in the tiny box he had in his other hand and urged her to take it.  
  
“Kid, take it. This will mean a lot to her, trust me.”  
  
“Wait… So, you’re okay with me wanting to marry her?”, she said, as she took the box.  
  
“Yes, of course, Carmilla! I have never seen her happier than with you, and whatever there was in the past… It’s the past, you two deserve to be together and have your happy ending.”  
  
It was the brunette’s turn to have tears in her eyes now.  
  
“Good, that’s… You have no idea, how much this means to me…”, her gaze fell to the box.  
  
  
“But you can’t ask her now, you know that right?”, Christopher started.  
  
“Why?”, _of course there was going to be an obstacle…_  
  
“Because you are currently residing on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean?”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, “Don’t worry, I am changing _that_ , before asking her.”  
  
Christopher cocked his eyebrows and smiled, squinting his eyes, “You are?”  
  
  
//  
  
  
Laura was starting to worry. Carmilla hadn’t even left her a note or anything, so she decided to hit her a text, to ask where she was.  
  
  
**Future Wife:** _Where are you? Call me, if you get this._  
  
  
Just some seconds later her fiancée was calling her back.  
  
  
“Carm, where’d you go?”

  
“Do I not even get a hello or something?” Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
“Don’t roll your eyes on me, sweetheart.” The blonde was looking around, feeling caught. _Why the hell did she know that?_  
  
“No, I am not creeping on you from some weird place I am hiding at.”, the brunette chuckled.

  
“What the hell?”, Laura asked into the speaker.  
  
“What? I just know my girl.”  
  
“Ugh… I’m **not** _your girl_.”  
  
“Well, I know my _wife_ then.”  
  
Laura smiled broadly, “But we aren’t even married yet.”  
  
“Whatever, it’s just stupid bureaucracy. In my heart I have married you the day I asked you.”  
  
Laura’s heart picked up pace, she let her eyes wander through the room and sighed.  
  
“What is it?”, the voice on the other end sounded.  
  
“It’s just getting real… We moved together some months ago, but now we are leaving behind that chapter again…”  
  
“It’s for the better, love. We need more space, especially since someone wanted a pet.”  
  
“You love him more than I do even.”, Laura chuckled, “Actually sometimes I feel like the cat is more of a soulmate to you than me.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous.”  
  
“Hey Carm?”  
  
“Yes, Laura?”  
  
“I’m looking forward to that new life of ours.”, with that she remembered, how they came into that living-together situation in the first place…  
  
  
//  
  
  
**August, 2022**  
  
  
Her new job was great. It was the same every day, and yet so different. Laura knew the drill by then, but there was still so much that was new to her. It was fascinating. She loved journalism, good, real journalism, always had. Being a news anchor was the perfect compromise between her love for print journalism and her TV-personality. That’s what everyone had said about her. She was good on the camera, as if she was born to do solely that.  
  
Maybe it was a good thing that she never really got to pursue her absolute dream, because come to think of it, she wasn’t really sure anymore, if working for print media would have been her dream job. Perhaps it was a good thing that all those years ago she quit to work for the university paper, causing her to have a _lack of experience in writing_ , as it was formulated so gallantly by any paper she had been trying to get in to. For about 8 months she had recorded home made videos for her blog site, but her trust fund wasn’t going to save her ass forever. So her last resort was to apply for the TV job in Graz.  
  
  
  
Everything seemed so far away now. Her whole life had changed drastically in the course of about some months. Carmilla came into her life and urged her to come out of her shell, to be daring and try to explore the world and she did that. Carmilla always had told her how much more worth she was and how much she believed in her and in the end she had needed that push in the right direction, to become what she was now.  
  
_Happy._

  
The blonde exited the building, with her head held low, trying to find her car keys in her purse, when she heard that voice. It was already getting dark, the temperatures in August thankfully not letting it on.

  
“Laura Hollis, oh my god! I’m soooo starstruck!!!”  
  
Said Laura Hollis had a smile on her face almost immediately and chuckled, before looking up, “Carm? What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York?”  
  
Carmilla placed herself directly in front of her girlfriend and looked at her expectantly, “What? Do I not get a hug? A _‘I’ve missed you’_? A _‘Oh my god, it’s so good to see you’_?”  
  
“Of course it’s good to see you, but you- Uh, surprised me, that’s all?”  
  
“Well, you can’t be the only one of us with all the surprises…”, the dark haired woman responded.  
  
“True…”, Laura cocked her head and both made it to her car.  
  
  
Once inside, Carmilla immediately claimed Laura’s lips as her own. The blonde was pushed into her seat a little too roughly and her lover’s hands were all over the place.  
  
“Woah there!”, Laura stopped the heavy making out session, “Wait… Where are your bags?”  
  
“What bags?”  
  
“Well…”, the blonde’s tongue darted out to lick over her bottom lip, “… Wait, how long are you staying this time?”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, and had an undecipherable facial expression, something Laura came across rarely these days, as they had been together for several months now.  
  
“I’m only staying tonight…”, Laura’s face immediately fell, “… But I’ll be just gone for some days, before returning to you. This time I’ll probably stay longer than usual…”, vague statement, Karnstein.  
  
“You are?”  
  
“Yes I am… And I already have all my stuff at your place.” She could have figured that. Carmilla owned a key to her apartment after all.  
  
  
  
“Where are you going tomorrow?”, the blonde asked her lover, once both were settling in on her couch. Carmilla was facing her, her hand dragging up her forearms, all the way up to her neck, almost urging her to just shut up and kiss her.  
  
“I gotta take care of a few things.”, the dark haired woman answered breathily.  
  
“What things?”, Laura had a weird feeling about all of that.  
  
“Just… Things… I can’t tell you yet... Come on, let me show you, how much I’ve missed you...”, Carmilla was leaning in, smirking.  
  
The blonde frowned and dodged her lips, by leaning away. “ _Carm_ …”  
  
A groan was the response, “You’re insufferable, you know that?”  
  
“I just want to know what you’re hiding from me.”, the blonde pouted.  
  
Carmilla sucked in both of her lips, forming a thin line, where her mouth should be, and looked at her girlfriend with a risen eyebrow, before giving in.  
  
“Fine… I spoke to my publisher and remember, what I told you about writers and their ability to work from wherever they want…? Well, it turns out, I really can do that now. All my work for my first book is done, I have free time to finish and edit the next… And now… I was enjoying all the liberty and you know… I think, I’m going to move to London, Laura.”  
  
Laura blinked twice, a hoarse “What…?” escaped her lips, before she excitedly jumped into her lover’s lap and straddled her, “You are moving here? Are you moving in here with me? Will you? I mean, it’s only a one-bedroom, but for now it would be enough. Plus, we are a couple and we would be sharing the bedroom anyway, but if you needed an office or something… I can totally give you my desk or whatever… Just-”  
  
Her rambling session was cut off by Carmilla shaking her head and chuckling.  
  
“For now your apartment will suffice… _If_ you will have me here.”  
  
“Of course I want you here! Carm… This is… The best news I got this week… And it’s pretty huge, when I say that, because I work as a news anchor.”  
  
Carmilla knit her brows, “No actually it isn’t huge. You guys mostly tell people the bad news-”  
  
“Shut up, you know what I mean!”  
  
“You mean, me moving in with you is bad news?”, the brunette had her eyebrows risen and that stupidly attractive smirk on her face.  
  
Laura shook her head and threw her lover what she thought was an annoyed glare, before capturing her lips with the intention of never letting her go again.  
  
Carmilla sighed contently and melted together with her lover. She was closer to what she wanted from day to day. Making Laura hers for the rest of her life...  
  
  
//  
  
  
“Laura, you still there?”, the blonde seemed so far away.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking about us, ya know?”  
  
Carmilla’s feet had dragged her to _the place_ , without her even realizing. She’d been walking for about 45 minutes. _Well **that** went by fast..._  
  
“What were you thinking?”, the brunette asked, while finding the right key in her pocket.  
  
“Just… When are you coming back? I kind of miss you…”  
  
“Well, actually I was hoping you could come pick me up?”  
  
“Really?”, there was some shuffling on the other end, “Where you at?”  
  
“I’m at the house… Come _home,_ darling.”, a warm feeling settled in Carmilla’s stomach, as she said that. The key fell into a lock and she was quick in entering the building.  
  
“I’ll be there in a few, see ya.”  
  
“Alright, bye.”, the dark haired woman hung up.  
  
  
Carmilla let her gaze wander, walls and floors that were undecorated and sterile meeting her eyes. Everything was still empty, except for the big chesterfields in the living room. The thick walls were decorated with aesthetic wallpaper, just like you would expect from a house this delicate.  
  
Her grandfather from her mother’s side had left it for her mother, his eldest daughter, who again left it for her only daughter. Carmilla had known of it, ever since the will was read to her officially, but she never had thought of ever inhabiting it herself. Who could have known that she would be living in London one day?  
  
The woman smiled to herself, when catching a sight of the fireplace. She crossed the room and lit a fire, which was poor, considering the fact that there wasn’t really anything that helped with the burning process, but old papers, still it was a fire nonetheless.  
  
The little flames set her back a month ago, when all of that had started…  
  
  
//  
  
  
**November, 2022**  
  
The couple was in front of an old house, of which Laura had no idea of. She had been blindfolded and was now clueless as to where she was.  
  
“Sweetheart, don’t you dare peeking. I’m going to go do some things, but you stay put here, understand?”  
  
“It’s kinda creepy, I hear noises, like traffic noises, but it’s dark, uhm…”  
  
“Stop figuring out where we are, you won’t guess in a million years.”, Carmilla chuckled. She never had told Laura about the house in London.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was lighting some candles and placed them around the big queen-sized bed out of massive oak that was the only thing in the big room upstairs. Two other rooms had a bed placed in them and the other, smaller one was completely empty.  
  
The dark haired woman walked out of the room, careful not to step on any rose petals she had strewn across the floor, leading to the stairs. She checked herself out in the mirror that was placed on the vanity in the corridor. _Ugh_ , that piece had to go. As much as she liked antique furniture, the carvings were kind of creepy.  
  
Carmilla looked into her own eyes, seeing her father smile back at her, when her own lips twitched and curled up. A big exhale was to follow, her eyes trailing down the white shirt and the leather pants that she was wearing. She had put on a leather jacket, to prevent herself from being cold (gross London-weather) and because that was the only one of her pieces that had pockets big enough to hold what she needed for that night.  
  
Just to be sure, she checked, if the tiny jewellery box was still there, and yes, it was.  
  
“You can do this, you love her, this is what you want.”, she didn’t need to convince herself, but that was something, she thought would calm her nerves. Never in her life had she been so anxious of the blonde, who was standing outside the house in that moment.  
  
What if she were to say said no?  
  
Carmilla shook her head, and hastily took the steps down to the ground floor and opened the front door to take in her girlfriend. She was beautiful. A frown was evident on her face, because well, she had just waited for 10 minutes outside, blindfolded. However she was beautiful nonetheless. If anything her scepticism made her sexy.  
  
  
“Carm?”, she spoke, tilting her head a little, to hear if she had been right about the noise.  
  
Carmilla took the few steps down to where Laura was waiting and gently placed her hand on her shoulder, who flinched a little.  
  
“Relax, sweetheart, it’s just me.”, the brunette told her lover and led her gently towards the few stairs up the front porch.  
  
“Carm, what are we doing? I can’t see anything…”, Laura complained.  
  
“Well, darling, _that_ was the plan.”, the other woman chuckled and stepped with the blonde through the front door.  
  
  
  
A warm feeling settled in Laura’s body. The air smelled like lit candles. _Okay, this was going to be some romantic thing for their one-year anniversary._ (She had had enough stress at work, so she totally welcomed the gesture. Carmilla was such a sweetheart with those things.) The fabric which was covering the blonde’s eyes was put down, but she still had her eyes closed, smiling.  
  
The brunette admired her girlfriend’s soft features. They were telling her that there was no worry in the world… And Carmilla believed her right on the instance, but come to think of it, there actually was no bad thing in the world with her in her immediate reach.  
  
  
“Open your eyes, sweetheart.”, Carmilla whispered, and the other woman did, as she was told, “I love you. Happy anniversary.”, she said, looking at Laura directly, taking her right hand with her left and placing a kiss on the back of it.  
  
Laura had her eyes locked with the woman opposing her for some seconds, getting lost in the endless brown, before letting her gaze wander through the room they were in. It was a huge dark room, only lit by the crystal chandelier above them and the fireplace, which made some clacking noises. _Weird, no candles._ There was a real fire, not those modern virtual chimneys…  
  
  
“Carm? What is this?”, the blonde eyed the Spartan decor, just some sofas were placed in the middle of the room.  
  
The dark haired woman inhaled, “This… This is a house… _My house_ actually... My mother passed it onto me. She grew up in it.”  
  
Laura was confused for a second, “Your mother… She was born London?”, Carmilla shook her head at the question.  
  
“My great-great somethings were English and from there on the story gets really twisted, but I am not even considered half-English, if that’s what you’re asking…”  
  
“O-ohkay… What are we doing in this house anyway?”, Laura took in the room they were standing in, still the scent of candles was getting to her.  
  
“Laura…”, Carmilla started, because obviously the blonde hadn’t caught onto anything her lover was implying.  
  
  
Carmilla cleared her throat, taking both of her girlfriend’s hands in hers and squeezing them gently, to have her full attention, “All those years ago, I fell in love with you, you fell in love with me and from there on our story only got more interesting. I am not gonna name every single situation we have lived through, because even though we were separated for most of the time, we had a lot of perfect moments, and naming them all would be too long, but…”, she closed her eyes, to recompose herself. Her heart was beating out of her chest, longing for the woman across of her.  
  
“But… Number 3 of my most favorite moments with you was the day in Chicago, when you came to tell me that you wanted me despite of the difficult situation… I admit I was scared back then, I was scared as hell, but you were there, I mean, look at us! We have been together for a year now and a lot of it in long distance even, without breaking up… I never would have thought that I really could pull through with something like this… But I did. I did, because it was never hard with you…”  
  
Laura was smiling at her girlfriend, her most beautiful and genuine smile. It was magnificent, so the brunette leaned in for a moment, to claim her lips as her own. That calmed her down a bit. When Laura’s lips were chasing her, she stopped her and cleared her throat.  
  
“Not finished yet… Talking now, smooching later, I promise.”, the blonde rolled her eyes, and flung her arms around her girlfriend, who looked down with a smirk, “Good, onto my second favorite moment?”, Laura nodded, “So, my second favorite moment was when we finally moved together. I love being close to you all the time, I love falling asleep with you, I love spending my time with you, whenever I want to, without having to ring you up or without staring into a stupid screen… I love, when you come home to me, just like I love coming home to you, because you are home Laura. You have given my heart a home and it is with you, wherever you go, I wanna go with you, because you are so dear to me and I love you so much that my words don’t even remotely express how much I feel for you… You are the fairy tale story that I have never dared to finish as a kid, because I was so afraid of how it was gonna end, because fairy tales should end well and... I was afraid mine would not... Until I understood, that for a fairy tale to end well, you have to work for it... So I hope this gesture will make you understand, how serious I am with you…”  
  
Carmilla untangled Laura’s limbs from around her neck, causing the blonde to cast her a bewildered look, when she dug into her leather jacket’s pockets and fell down on one knee. Laura’s jaw fell to the floor along with her lover’s knee, her eyebrows meeting her hairline, tears almost emerging.  
  
“Laura Cassidy Hollis…”, Carmilla cleared her throat, her mouth feeling fuzzy, “Would you do me the exceptional honor of being my wife?”, simultaneously she opened the tiny jewellery box to reveal the engagement ring.  
  
There was a short pause, and Carmilla was feeling like fainting. _Oh no._  
  
Luckily Laura had survived her mini-heart attack and slowly was grasping the situation fully, “Oh my god, yes! **Carm, yes!** Of course I want to…!”  
  
Carmilla exhaled out of relief, and took ahold of Laura’s left hand, and placed the ring on her ring finger. Much to her benefit, the ring fit perfectly, she placed a kiss on the finger. Just now Laura looked closely at it, while Carmilla was rising up again. The blonde had a look of disbelief on her face.  
  
  
“Carm this looks exactly like…”  
  
“Your mother’s engagement ring?”, the brunette offered.  
  
Laura shook her head in confusion, “How…?”  
  
“I got it from your father some weeks ago, when I asked him for permission…”  
  
“What? You did _what_?”  
  
“I know, you don’t like being seen as this _property_ that your father passes onto me now, but-”  
  
“No, actually it’s kind of hot that you asked him for permission…”, Laura admitted.  
  
“It is?”, Carmilla rested her hands on her (now) fiancée’s hips.  
  
“Yeah… Come here, kiss me…”, Laura chuckled, “You are so incredibly perfect… You know that?”, she said, before locking lips with the other woman.  
  
“Only for you.”, the dark haired woman indulged into a few more kisses, before speaking again, “So number 1?”  
  
“What?”, Laura was clearly confused, her face flushed and she wanted nothing more than to make out.  
  
Carmilla chuckled, “Of my most memorable moments with you? This is number one.”

The blonde giggled, “You are so freaking cheesy...”  
  
“But you love me for that.”  
  
Oh yes, she did.  
  
  
  
Carmilla led her lover up the stairs and into the master bedroom of the house, to sweep her lover off her feet once more. The dark haired woman positioned herself behind Laura, and embraced her from behind, peppering her neck with kisses, before sliding her coat off her shoulders.  
  
“So you knew, I would be saying yes?”, the blonde asked and grinned.  
  
“No… But I wanted to be prepared.”  
  
“Ahh…”, Laura turned around finally and let Carmilla kiss her on the mouth, backing away, until they both fell backwards onto the bed.  
  
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”, the brunette was hovering above her fiancée and stared into her eyes, before Laura busied herself with sliding off Carmilla’s leather jacket and leaning up to kiss along her neck. _Damnit_. The dark haired woman had forgotten something important during her proposal.  
  
  
“Laura this wasn’t it…”, Carmilla closed her eyes and groaned, “I actually meant to tell you something else to... Or ask...”

“Shh, you can tell me later, love.”, Laura was already undoing buttons on Carmilla’s shirt.  
  
“No, I can’t…”, the blonde bit down harder than usual on a particular spot on her neck, “Uhm… Do you like this house?”

  
Laura quickly let her head fall back down, to hit the pillows, “What?”  
  
“How do you like this house?”  
  
“It’s pretty, I mean the decor is a little... Well, _lacking_ , but it is nice, why do you ask? Is it really that important now?”  
  
“Woah, someone’s thirsty?”, Carmilla chuckled, but got an eye roll as a response, “I am asking, because I want to move into this house with you… We’ve been looking for a bigger place anyway, but I want to have our own house… And you won’t let me pay for one, so why not use the one that is being handed freely to us? It is the perfect compromise and _look_ …”, the brunette was lying sidewards now, to be able to lead a serious conversation, without hands on her body that had the ability to distract her, “It has three bedrooms and a study… Perfect for us to extend family or-”  
  
“Extend the family?”  
  
“Well, uh…”, right they hadn’t talked about _that_ , “When any of your friends or Eve or even Christopher wants to come visit us…”  
  
“So… You are proposing to me and gifting me a house?”  
  
“Yeah… You could see it as that! It is my wedding gift to you… See, your father didn’t let me buy you an engagement ring… So this will be my gift to you.”  
  
“Carm… This is all too much…”  
  
“No it isn’t Laura…”, Carmilla cradled her lover’s face, “I worship the ground on which you walk, you are my everything, and I want to do everything perfectly from the start on and I want us together to have the most perfect life there is…”  
  
“You are crazy…”, Laura chuckled, “But the house is beautiful… And so were your words…”  
  
“So you in?”  
  
The blonde exhaled deeply, “Yeah, I take you and the house and our future… The extended family… All of it. I love you and I want that perfect life with you. I want the fairy tale ending.”  
  
  
//  
  
  
“Carm?”, Laura hollered through the house, when her fiancée emerged from upstairs, rushing down to her lover.

  
“Took you long enough.”  
  
“It started to snow outside, love. I couldn’t really drive faster.”, Laura said, while hanging her coat on the rack beside the entrance.  
  
“I have ordered the TV today… So we can watch you, when you come home…”, Carmilla reached forwards and tugged her lover towards her, to greet her with a kiss.  
  
“Perfect… We move into a new house and the first thing you buy is a TV…”  
  
“Well, I want to be able to see you in high definition in our living room.”  
  
“Carm…”, the blonde placed her hands on the dark haired woman’s neck, “I am here in high definition and 3D in front of you, isn’t that enough? You can even touch me and smell me…”  
  
Carmilla placed her nose on Laura’s neck, breathing her in, “Oh yes, you do smell great…”, and nibbled on the sensitive skin there, “And taste so divine…”  
  
“Mhmm…”, the blonde sighed.  
  
“You know what we haven’t done yet?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Carmilla was walking backwards, with Laura’s hands in hers, “We have yet to christen every surface in this house…”  
  
The blonde fake-gasped, “Where is the holy water?”, at which the other woman only rolled her eyes.

  
“Tonight, nothing holy is going to happen here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless self plug:  
> I started writing a new Hollstein story over here: [Hollstein/Stepsister AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6647971/chapters/15207325/)  
> It's an idea my mind formed, when my sister and I were mistaken for a couple. Yikes.  
> And at this point, please don't throw up, this is not an incest story... Hollstein's not blood-related, lol.  
> Its chapters are shorter and they are teens, so the focus lies somewhere else. If you liked my writing, maybe give it a try?
> 
> Thanks for reading this story though! Yeah, _you_ ! I'm thanking you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, have a nice day/night, wherever you are!  
> I hope you like the fic! Thanks for comments/kudos! <3
> 
> English is not my first language, nor my second, therefore I do not guarantee anything.  
> I apologize for any mistakes my eyes don't catch or I simply don't know.


End file.
